Original subtitles

One Halloween, I went to a party directly for Flinky.

I wore a gray sweatsuit and wrapped aluminum foil all around me.

But halfway through, the aluminum foil fell off, and then I was just somebody

wearing a sweatsuit.

The whole experience was degrading.

I myself never cared for Halloween. It's really a holiday for little kids.

And I guess the gay folks seem to enjoy it quite a bit. Whoa, Kenny, you just

jumped the shark. What does that mean?

I did it. I did it. I have officially taken the first annual Halloween

Stuckyball Bowling Bash to the next level. If this is the first annual

how can you be taking it to the next level?

Performing at the party.

Dr. Crazy.

Dr. Crazy?

Are you strudeling me?

No, I'm not strudeling you. Who the hell is Dr. Crazy? Hey, Lurch, what rock

have you been living under?

Friday nights, channel 29. The guy with the crazy hair runs around with the

smoking beakers and test tubes screaming, I'm Dr. Crazy, I'm Dr. Crazy.

I only watch PAX.

The scary monster is ready.

Is that how I look to you?

Stop.

Like I am you and you are me.

I think he was scared off by my intense sexuality.

It's been keeping men away for years. Well, honey, I don't think you should

up on him.

Jim hasn't left town.

He's going to be upgrading my pin setters next few weeks. You hear that,

Upgrading my pin setters. Oh, Ed, you know what they say about men who can

upgrade pin setters.

Well, seriously, I think you should give him another chance. I'm sorry, but the

torrid, would -be love affair between Molly Hudson and Jim Frost is simply not

meant to be. And now, back to our regularly scheduled boring lives.

Hey, Edward.

Ten bucks if you ask the waitress to wrap that up for you.

Excuse me.

I need a doggie bag for this.

There's one french fry on your plate.

Yeah.

You want to take home a single french fry? What do you mind?

Thank you.

Thank you so much.

You two are just not normal fellas.

I'm crazy.

I'm doctor crazy.

Hi. Hey, hi.

I'm Ed Stevens, Dr. Crazy. This is Phil.

We almost didn't recognize you without the wacky hair.

Yes, well, the wacky hair is part of a costume, Ed.

Dr. Crazy, you understand, is a make -believe character on TV, whereas I am

Oh, no, of course, no, of course not.

We thought that we'd have you set up in this area over here, and then the kids

could just sit on the floor in front.

Is that... Bob, I can't do this.

I'm Bob.

I'm Crazy's assistant.

Did he just... Did he just say... Oh, don't worry about that.

Crazy will be here, and Crazy will give you a great show.

Okay.

Um, he seems a little, um, different than he does on TV.

Well, he's going through a rough time right now.

Last week, his wife left him for a chocolatier. Huh? He's a little

I know what that can do to you.

A chocolat what?

Chocolatier, a maker or seller of chocolate.

Chocolatier.

Chocolat what?

This year's going to be great. I can feel it.

How is this year going to be any better than all the other crappy years? Because

this year we're going to do it.

Do what?

We're going to do it all, baby. This year we're going to drink life to the

least. What the hell does that mean? That means for one thing, this is the

that Warren Chester is finally going to get a little filly. Jessica Martel.

Ain't going to happen.

Watch.

Make a breath.

You're incompetent.

Congratulations, Jessica Martel.

You are about to be named Warren Sheswick's year -long lab partner.

Hi,

I'm Sonny. And I'm Cher. Welcome to Sucky Bowl.

I got you, babe.

And I've got you, too.

Babe.

Hi.

Hi, Tim.

Oh, uh...

Carol Bessie, Nancy Burton, Jim Frost.

Hi. Hi.

How you doing? Great. Currently I'm blocking a death battle with a pin

lane six, but it's what I live for.

That's good.

That's really funny.

We'll meet you inside.

Yep. Right.

Yeah. Bye. Bye. Nice meeting you. Nice to meet you. Nice to meet you also. Bye.

So how you been?

Me? No complaints.

Great. How was the big surprise birthday party? Good.

Really good.

Presents, cake, candles, happy birthday song, you know, all those things that we

humans are genetically wired to enjoy on our birthdays.

Sure, yeah, survival of the fittest. You know, all the species that didn't

discover frosting, they just died off.

By the way, I'm sorry I didn't show up. I had this thing at work, and it was

crazy. Oh, you were invited?

Right, surprise party. Yeah, Ed actually invited me. I wouldn't worry about it.

I'm sure they'll throw me the same lame surprise party next year, so you'll have

your chance.

I won't make the same mistake twice.

I better... I gotta go inside.

Right, yeah.

Well, it was good seeing you.

You too.

Look, Molly, if you're stuck for a costume idea, you can really use a

Who's ready for the craziest doctor in the world?

Hey, Bill. How you doing? Good. How you doing?

Who are you supposed to be? Alex Quebec.

This is so great.

Wally is a huge Dr. Crazy fan.

I mean, huge. I think Trebek shaved the mustache.

Here he is!

The craziest doctor in all the world, Dr.

Crazy!

Thank you, Igor.

Oh, boy, am I thirsty.

That's right, kids.

I'm crazy.

I'm Dr.

Crazy.

And what a picnic it is.

Well, uh... Don't worry, none of that stuff will stay on your floor.

I'll get your check.

Oh, right, yeah.

Are you okay?

I'm on top of the world.

Dr. Crazy?

Can I have your autograph?

Yeah, sure.

Could you make it out to Wally?

Thanks a lot. I just wanted you to know I really think you're awesome.

I watch all your shows. Let me tell you something, Wally.

I'm not awesome.

I suck.

Hey.

Do you know what the word abyss means?

No. When you get home, you should look that up.

Because that's what life is.

One endless abyss of disappointment and despair.

I don't like life that much either.

Oh, yeah?

Why is that?

I started at this new school and the kids make fun of me. They call me a

Hey. I hate to be the one to break it to you, but it ain't gonna get any better.

If I were you, I'd hightail it out of this godforsaken dump of a town while

still can.

I mean, once they label you a loser, that's just gonna stick.

Here it is.

Kid wanted my autograph.

Oh.

Table four, Lana Anderson, Steve Gazelle, Gretchen Huber.

Table five, Jessica Martel, Jennifer Young, and Ronald Foster.

What? Table six, Warren Cheswick, Mark Vanacore, and Diane Snyder.

I don't get how this kind of happened.

Ms. Hudson figured it out, genius.

All right, don't panic.

Temporary setback.

You know the thing when Sir Edmund Mallory climbed Everest, he didn't have

setbacks? His name was Sir Edgar Mallory. Dipstick?

It's Sir Edmund Hillary.

And you'd have a better chance of climbing Mount Everest than of ending up

Jessica Martel.

And how do you know about my compadre's undying love of Jessica Martel?

I'm a damn psychic.

I'm in hell.

Believe me, when I found out, I'm going to have to spend a year of my life with

you two bozos.

I didn't exactly want to throw a parade.

Hey, don't lump me into this. I'm just a simple man of science.

All right.

Baby split.

Two seven over the three ten.

Woolworth. That's five pin in the ten pin. Come on, challenge me, Jimmy.

Ed. Ed, have you seen this? What?

Wally Meyer is missing.

What? What happened? No one knows. They haven't seen him for 36 hours.

Where are you going? I'm going to go talk to Dr. Crazy.

Can we get something else here instead of eating the fake test tube? It always

works. I'm 42 years old. I'm not eating any more fake test tubes.

Excuse me, Dr. Crazy.

Ed, right?

Wally Meyer's missing.

Who's that?

He's an 11 -year -old boy who came to see you at Stucky Bowl, the one that

for your autograph.

I'd like to know what you two talked about.

What do you mean he's missing?

I mean he's missing, as in no one can find him, as in his parents are worried

sick. I don't see how this has anything to do with me.

Hey, listen, if you're going through some kind of rough time or something, I

gotta tell you, I don't really care.

An 11 -year -old boy that you talked to in my bowling alley is out there

missing, and I need to know what you told him.

I need to know what you told him. Look, I was in a bad mood, okay?

The kids started whining about how he gets made fun of, so I told him the

I told him it probably wouldn't get any better.

How about an edible beaker?

If it's all we got.

Well, I think I'm going to call it a night. Yeah, me too. You know, I got

papers to grade.

Not yet.

What? I'm not finished with my beer.

Okay, Mike.

It's rude to leave when someone has an unfinished beer.

Okay, Mike.

I'm sorry, we'll stay. No, no, you go. I'll stay.

Everybody stays.

What if suddenly I'm married to Yul Brynner from The King and I?

What's up?

Hey, we could just walk in.

Mike.

Did Ed tell you that Jim was going to come here?

Molly, I'm just a man enjoying a beer.

Nice. Very nice.

Hi, Molly.

Hey, Jim. Hi, Jim.

Jim. Hey, Jim. I think I know everyone here.

Um, would you care to join us? Yeah, sure. You know, if it's okay.

Yeah, Jim, sit down. Molly, scoot over, huh?

No.

All righty.

Now, you should just know this about me.

Uh -huh. All right, everybody has these weird abilities, okay?

This, this is mine, all right? My dad taught me how to play darts when I was,

like, four years old.

I don't think you've ever seen anything like this.

You're going to split that dart?

Yes.

No way!

Okay, I don't share this with a lot of people. This is like Clark Kent telling

people he can fly.

I can't believe this.

Oh, get out of here. Please, sit back, relax, and be impressed.

Oh. What? It takes, like, seven or eight hundred tries.

This sucks.

I've got to shake it up. I've got to do something big.

Ah, but what?

We can warn Chiswick here to change his life.

If this matches, I win a speedboat.

Oh, my God.

Oh, my God.

What? I got it.

I got it.

What's the biggest thing at Stuckyville High School?

My ass on a hot day.

The pep rally. The pep rally. Boy, everyone's there.

Dude, the pep rally is just so that the football jocks can be even more popular.

Right. Right, but not this year, my friend.

This year, the pep rally is warring chess with the coming out party.

What are you talking about, man?

I'm going to steal Foxcat Thunder. That's what I'm talking about.

Okay, can we pause for just one second? Because I am seriously one scratch away

from winning a ski do.

I'm paused.

So what are you going to do?

I don't know exactly yet, but I'm going to just get on stage and command the

mic. I'm going to rock the hizzy.

You watch Vanacore. It's going to be awesome.

Maybe they'll even make me homecoming king. I believe I had more chance of

winning the ski do.

Hey, two free tickets.

So, how much longer are you in town?

Just till Friday.

Do you like traveling so much? Sure, sleeping in cheap motels, eating in

diners. What's not to love?

You always seem so... I don't know.

What?

Happy. You're just always so happy.

That's my face.

I was born with a happy face, so I look happy, you know, even when I'm not.

Sometimes it comes in handy.

And now, are you happy or just look happy?

You'll never know, will you?

Well, I had a lot of fun tonight. Thanks for not letting me go home so early.

Yeah, thanks for letting me not let you go home early.

Did that make sense?

I don't think so.

You know, it's really late.

Oh, yeah, it really is. Yeah, it's, uh... Bye.

Molly Hudson, what are you doing here? Came by to rob the place.

Didn't think you'd be here.

Tough break.

Hey, how'd the big date go?

Oh, great.

Yeah? Yeah, great.

Your buddy Jim Frost gave me the old goodnight handshake.

Oh. Yes, once again, Molly Hudson goes home with lipstick completely intact.

I love that.

You know, it's your first time out with a guy, you know?

Maybe he didn't know that you wanted him to...

No, no.

Trust me.

He knew.

He knew I was about as subtle as Don Knotts.

Don't be too hard on yourself.

Guys, sometimes you chicken out, you know? Big moment comes, they panic.

Doesn't mean a thing.

Oh, hey.

Hey, hey, Molly.

Hey,

honey.

Aren't you jumping a gun a little bit on this one? No. No?

No, I'm not.

Trust me, Ed. I know what this is.

This has happened way too many times. Too many... I really like you, but too

many walks home by myself. Too many handshakes.

I'm sorry.

No, it's... It's okay.

It's okay. I mean, you know?

I mean, this is the way it goes.

You know, this is all there is for me. This...

This is what I get.

How do you like the eggs, Shelly?

Ready.

How about you, Chief?

Well, we're easy.

That's about right.

What's that supposed to mean?

Great news, everybody.

The police found Wally.

Really? Good. Oh, great.

Where was he? Bus station. He got as far as Chesterport before he ran out of

money. Is he all right?

Looks like it.

Hi, Ed.

Oh, hey, Bill.

It's all right. We just read the good news. That's great. What a relief. How's

Wally? He's shaken up pretty bad, but he'll be okay.

Ed, would you be our lawyer?

Your lawyer?

We want to sue Dr. Crazy for what he did to Wally. Yeah, we don't think he can

just walk away from this without some kind of punishment.

Will you help us?

Um,

uh, well, look, before you decide to do this, you should know what you're

getting into. If you go ahead and sue Dr. Crazy, then his lawyers are going to

do their utmost to make you look like lousy parents and make it look like it's

your fault that he ran away.

It's going to be very unpleasant and very, very personal for both of you and

Wally and I. Ed, our son was out there alone for two days.

He could have been killed.

Somebody has to teach that man a lesson.

How about this? How about this? I step to the mic and I'm like, yo, yo, yo,

what's up? My name is Warren Cheswick and I'm here to say we're going to win

game in every way.

You know?

Sorry. Rap just doesn't do it for me. I'm more of a singer -songwriter kind of

guy, you know? Carol King, Carly Simon, Sweet Baby James.

Oh, God.

Oh, hey, I have a good question. What do you think I should wear?

Because I was thinking, like, maybe, like, fur coat, you know?

Or, like, platinum dookie rope around the neck, lots of bling bling. Warren.

What? It's time to take the monorail from Fantasyland back to Main Street,

Nice. I'm sorry?

Doesn't matter what you wear.

Doesn't matter what you do on stage.

People don't want to see Warren Cheswick at the homecoming pep rally.

They want to see Fozcat and the rest of those jock pinheads.

They're going to crash and burn.

Have you ever been to a homecoming pep rally?

No. I tend to avoid rallies, especially those of the pep variety.

So you are not exactly an expert, are you?

Warren, meet me in the library after school.

Why? Be there.

Okay, I'll be there.

Oh, I got Spanish club.

Good for you.

Okay, no reason to beat around the bush here. Let's just address these claims

head on.

You're being accused of inducing a child to run away from home.

Was that your intent?

Of course not. I meant no harm whatsoever.

I entertain children for a living. Why would I want to hurt a kid? I can't

imagine. And yet, on Halloween night, you told Wally Meyer, if I were you, I'd

get out of this godforsaken dump of a town while you still can.

Yes.

Regrettably, I did say those words. We all have our bad days, and that was one

of mine.

I am honestly sorry this whole thing happened. I just... I don't feel

I'm responsible for the kid running away.

Nor should you.

Nothing further.

Mr. Stevens, your witness.

Now... Dr. Crazy.

That's my stage name.

I'm Dr. Kenneth Meyerhauser. You're actually a doctor? It's an honorary

from DePaul University.

I see, honorary degree. One of the few privileges you enjoy as a celebrity, is

that right?

Oh, I wouldn't call myself a celebrity.

Oh, no?

I don't know.

Dr. Meyerhauser, I understand you have lunch a few times a week at Smokehouse

Billy's Place for ribs, is that right? Yes, yes, they do a nice onion loaf.

Yeah.

When's the last time you paid for a meal there?

Uh, I don't recall.

Would never be in the ballpark?

I suppose.

Are you aware that in our market, in the Stuckyville market, your show outrates

syndicated reruns of Seinfeld and 227?

What's 227?

Your Honor, it's a sitcom starring Jack A.

Dr. Meyerhauser. Yes, I'm aware of our ratings.

Okay, so, people give you things for free. You're more popular around here

Seinfeld. You have the honorary degree from DePaul. No, not DePaul.

DePaul.

Nonetheless,

You are, at least around here, a celebrity. And part of being a celebrity

that people, especially the kids who watch your show, see you as a role

Doesn't that come with some kind of responsibility?

Yes, of course.

But who could have guessed this kid would run away because of what I said?

Last December, you encouraged your viewers to volunteer at the Stuckyville

for the Aged.

How many kids showed up there the next day?

A few.

The exact figure is 223.

223 kids.

At a rest home.

On a Saturday.

Nothing further.

Carol, I don't want to be here. I really don't want to be here. Look, we'll get

Ed and we'll go. Just relax.

No, I can't relax. We're going to run into Jim. So we run into Jim. What, are

you going to avoid him forever? Not forever. Just until the heat death of

universe. Phil, where's Ed?

I taught myself how to do a backflip. You want to see?

No. No.

Look, we're supposed to meet Ed for lunch. Is he here? Uh -uh. He's still in

court. Sure you don't want to see?

Yeah. Come on, Mom. Go.

Hey, Molly. Hey, Carol.

Jim, hi.

Hi.

Hi. Hi.

Yeah, I'm just almost done upgrading the pin setters.

Uh -huh. Yeah.

I mean, they could set pins before, but now they're really able to set pins. I

mean, big time.

Good. Yeah.

Great.

Well, we're going to... Yeah, hey, Molly, some of the guys are still in

We're thinking about maybe meeting over at the Goat later on.

I was thinking maybe, you know, you might want to come over, you know, hang

Okay. Yeah?

Great. I'll see you there.

I have the willpower of a lima bean.

Miss Kostecki.

Brace yourself.

Mrs. Meyer.

Has Wally recently switched schools?

Yes, a few months ago we moved across town, so he switched from Gould School

Grandview. Has he embraced the change?

He's still adjusting.

Still adjusting.

Has Wally made any new friends at all in his new school?

Wally's always been a little shy when it comes to meeting new people.

So that's a no. No friends.

Is he a happy kid? He's a regular, normal kid.

Regular, normal kids have no friends? I told you we just moved.

This is not fair.

get worse did wally come home from school one day with the words total

written on his shirt yes a few of the older boys at school were what is wally

doing his spare time lots of things in fact does he not spend most of his time

in his room playing video games with the shades pulled Mrs. Meyer, I can have

your housekeeper on this stand in 20 minutes.

Yes, he plays by himself a lot, but I just told you he hasn't made a lot of

friends. Have you and your husband ever had Wally psychologically tested? No.

Can't we object to this?

It'll be over sooner if I don't. For the love of God, why not?

I mean, with all due respect, don't you think it might be time to get to the

bottom of what's troubling your child?

Nothing is troubling him. Wally's a great kid. Nothing's troubling him?

Nothing's troubling him.

He has no friends, he's being called a total loser, and he stays in his room

with the shades pulled, and his mother thinks that that's just fine.

Maybe you should take a little more interest in your son's problems, Mrs.

This woman is ridiculous.

We are good parents. If you were good parents, maybe you'd try to figure out

real reason your son ran away instead of blaming it on my client.

Bill, have a seat, please.

Nothing further.

So, what do you want to show me?

Oh, let me guess. Dewey came up with a brand new funky -ass decimal system?

That's... Oh,

that was dramatic.

Glad you enjoyed it.

You have before you 50 years of Stucky Bill high school history.

Pick a yearbook.

Any yearbook.

Now turn to the page I've marked.

Homecoming King Jerry Russell.

Pick another.

Nice.

I like the turn -up collar.

You really ought to bring that look back.

Pick another.

Hey, it's young Kevin Sorbo.

No matter which one you look at, you'll see the same thing.

Chiseled face.

Blazing smile, big shoulders, quarterback, team captain, Nietzschean

So? So, in 50 years, not a single Warren Cheswick.

Huh, and by a quote -unquote Warren Cheswick, you mean what exactly?

Don't make me say it.

What?

Look, Warren, it's time to face reality. We're in high school.

This is the guy they make homecoming king.

This is the guy that gets Jessica Martel.

15 years from now, when Fodcat's got a crappy job and a beer gut and you're

whatever you turn out to be, then maybe you'll have a chance. But until then...

All right, enough.

You know something, Diane? I am sick and tired of that whole geek shall inherit

the earth thing.

First of all, it isn't true, all right? My dad was a nerd in high school, and

God love him, he's still a nerd today.

Besides that, I don't want to wait till I'm 30 to have a life.

I'm going to do this, and it's going to work, and I'm going to have a rocking

year.

Ms.

Gostecki, your closing statement.

Your Honor, Wally Meyer is an unhappy young man.

He was an unhappy young man long before he met Dr. Crazy.

And he ran away because he was unhappy, not because a wacky mad scientist told

him to.

The Meyers want to blame my client, a man who meant no harm.

Because they don't want to blame themselves.

But if they had been doing their job as parents, none of this would have

happened.

Thank you.

Mr. Stevens.

Your Honor, people are always arguing over what makes our kids turn out the

they do.

Some say it's genetics. Some say it's the parents.

Some say it's the media.

Some say it's the peer group. It's nature versus nurture. It's a

question. But to me, the answer seems so clear.

It's all of these things.

They all make a difference.

A wise man once said, or maybe it was a fortune cookie, two wrongs don't make a

right.

So, I believe the Myers are good parents. Are they perfect? No. Of course

Nobody is.

But that does not absolve Dr. Crazy of any responsibility for what happened

Halloween night. Thousands of kids watch his show every week. Thousands of kids

hang on his every word.

He should have known better.

Thank you.

Thank you, Mr. Stevens.

I'll take the weekend to mull this over and deliver my verdict Monday morning.

Court adjourned.

Oh, God, I wish this were over.

I know. It will be soon.

Excuse me.

What the hell do you want? Dr.

Meyerhauser. It'd be best if you communicated with my clients or your own

lawyer. I just... I wanted to ask you all to watch my show tonight.

Why? Just please watch.

Please.

Is he sane?

He's quite inflamed. Is he ranged? He's completely deranged. Is he mented? No,

he's demented. He's crazy.

Doctor crazy. And here he comes. Now move.

Hi, everyone.

I'm Dr.

Crazy.

Tonight, I'll be showing you a movie about a large, unpleasant creature.

But first, I want to say something.

Those of us who are lucky enough to be on television have a responsibility.

A responsibility to all of you who watch us and listen to what we say.

Now, on Halloween night...

I made a mistake.

I said a really dumb thing to a really great kid.

So I want to tell him and his parents how truly sorry I am.

I was wrong.

And one more thing.

If that kid just happens to be out there watching right now, you stay strong.

Believe in yourself.

Everything will turn around.

Drop the case.

Okay.

And now, watch this.

Ah, great movie.

Huge influence on the works of M. Night Shyamalan, a man.

Jesper Town nights are going down, people.

They're going down to the ground.

I cannot believe you're actually going to do this. Why? What do you mean?

I mean, it's going to go over huge, man. You've got a really hot crowd here

tonight.

Say hello to your 2001 Stuckyville Toreadors.

Better get ready.

You're in the zone. Look at you.

Go ahead.

Okay, you know what? You know what, guys? I'm really starting to get tired

this smiling though. So what do you say we hop in the car, we find a TGI Friday.

I mean, after all, it's Friday. And shouldn't we be thanking God for that?

Ed.

Oh,

say. Look, Molly.

Jim invited you here. He wants to see you. He likes you. Now, go.

I'd really rather not. Get in there, woman.

The essence of humiliation is now setting sail.

You're so cute at that age.

Stick?

Yeah. Who's hungry?

Who's a little hungry?

Yeah.

Hi, guys.

Hi, Molly. Hey, me and Cooley's about to finish off his 25th burger.

Dee, move over.

Have a seat. Okay.

And finally, the captain of the Stuckyville Toyotors,

Mr. Ronald Foster.

Good afternoon, Spazcat.

Thanks, coach, about taking off so we can break out the booth, huh?

Yeah, how are you people feeling tonight?

When I say Toreador, I want all... Hey, all right, was that great or what? Give

it up for my boy Fozcat.

Yeah!

Sorry, man, nothing lasts forever.

All right, hey, hey, hey, if you didn't come to party, then take your shabby ass

home, because Chizcat is in the house!

a little shy.

Brooks Robinson was overrated. You are crazy. Brooks Robinson was a great third

baseman. Hand me the bridge.

The lady's aide.

Do not call it the lady's aide. There's no shame in using a bridge.

No, of course not. Here you go.

Edna.

Excuse me a minute, please.

I'll be right back.

Got it.

Excuse me.

Mr. Stevens, thank you.

Thank you for dropping the case.

You're welcome.

You did a good thing tonight.

I meant a lot to Wally and his folks.

I just thought you should know. Well, you know, you deserve a lot of the

You were right.

When you're a celebrity, what you say and do has the power to affect people's

lives. Yes, it does. And not just kids.

Grown -ups, too.

Yeah. Yeah, you just got to go on TV, say the right words, and people pretty

much do whatever you want them to.

It's amazing.

I'll have another Cosmo.

Drink it.

You're gonna get your cape all dirty.

What are you doing here?

I accidentally ate some expired cottage cheese, and all of a sudden I found

myself overcome with pep.

Yeah, well, enjoy your moment in the sun, Diane, because you were right.

I crashed and burned.

Paid the price for daring to dream of Jessica Martel, and now that dream is...

is over.

Oh, it's... Listen, Warren, maybe you'll never have Jessica, but...

Then again, who knows?

Changer things have happened, I think.

Is this what you're pitting me now?

It's terrific.

Diane Snyder pities me.

God, I really must be a loser.

Oh, easy. Look, all I'm saying is that you made your play. It didn't work out,

so you have the whole year ahead of you.

Yeah.

I'm out of the Jessica Martel business for good. That's it.

All right.

But if you should happen to change your mind, I'd be willing to show you the

right way to do this.

What do you know about the right way?

Since junior high, all I've done is watch these people.

I'm Jacques Cousteau. They're the fish.

I know them better than they know themselves.

Why would you want to help me?

Let's just say you're my new science project for the semester.

So, tomorrow night I finish up that job at Stucky Bowl. I was thinking maybe if

you're around, we could bowl a couple games or, you know, have some beer.

How about it?

I, uh, I don't think I can make it.

I'm sorry.

Oh.

Okay, yeah, I mean, no problem.

Well, I'm kind of beat.

I'm going to head home. Oh.

All right.

Good night.

Good night.

Molly, hold on a sec.

Are you okay?

Yeah, I'm fine.

I'm fine.

Look, Jim, it's not your fault. I know you mean well, but I gotta blow the

whistle. What are you talking about? I can't do this to myself.

I'm not going down this road again. What road?

The buddy road.

Oh. I'm sorry. I can't be your buddy. I can't hang out with you night after

night, letting myself hope that things will go further when we both know that

they won't. So why don't we just shake hands and get on with our lives?

Go ahead, push your luck, find out how much love the world can hold. Can I

Once upon a time I had control, and rained my soul in

tight.

Better to fall in love.

Than ever to have fallen at all.

Later this afternoon, Richard and Judy talked to a journalist who is in the

unique position of shadowing Tony Blair during the crucial days before the war

on Iraq.

His insights, live at 5.

Next on 4 Day, time a little spiritual insight with the yogis of suburbia.