All language subtitles for Ed s02e02 Changes

We're waiting in line for coffee, eh? We
are.

Yeah, I can make coffee. You can make
coffee.

We're waiting in line to spend lots of
money on somebody else's coffee.

Why is that?

Because we're idiots, man.

Oh, yeah.

Hi, what's your name?

Jenny. Jenny, I'm Dennis.

Hey, you... No, no.

The guy from... Oh, yeah.

The new principal.

I'm new in town, Jenny, and...

I know it usually takes a long time to
be a regular at a place like this, but

what I'd like to do if it's okay with
you, I'd like to cut through all the red

tape and just be a regular from now on.

So I'll come in tomorrow, and I'll say,
Jenny, the usual.

And you'll pour me a black coffee like
we've known each other for years.

Okay, Dennis.

You're a regular.

Hey, Dennis.

How you doing?

Good. Sorry, I don't know you.

Ed Stevens.

I represented Warren Cheswick in that
beer situation.

Oh, right.

Good to see you.

Can I help you?

Yeah, yeah, you know, I'll have the
usual.

What's the usual?

I'm coming here every day for the
last... Ed, let it go.

Cream and five sugars.

When it's my moment in the sun

How beautiful I'll be.

But in a normal sort of...

Dennis is unbelievable.

Charms the living dead inside of the
coffee girl. He gives me the left

shake like I'm a four -year -old. How do
you get to be a guy like that? I don't

know. Finish in school? Seriously, at
what point in his life did Dennis

decide, okay, I'm a cool guy. I'm going
to act like a cool guy. People are going

to see me as a cool guy. I'm going to
reap the benefits of being a cool guy.

I don't know.

And what's with us, Mike? I mean, why
aren't we cool guys?

At what point of our lives did we
decide, cool guys? Cool guys? No, no,

you. We'd much rather be a couple of
dorks. I'm real mean to this, buddy. I'm

cool guy.

Cool guys don't wear dockers.

Dockers kick ass, Ed.

Hey, guys.

What's up?

Hey, Eddie. I brought some big plans by
for the birthday shindig.

Molly is throwing a surprise party for
herself.

I know.

It doesn't make any sense.

And yet she does it every year.

I don't think I can be a part of this.

I tried.

Don't worry about her.

Yeah. So what do you got here? Oh,
noisemakers. Yeah, always good. Festive

napkins, sure.

Moonwalk? Moonwalk? You know, the
inflatable kind, like you'd see at

Oh, yeah.

Why moonwalk?

A little embarrassing. Oh, good. Great.

Tell me.

Okay. When I was a kid, I wanted to be
an astronaut.

Neil Armstrong became an astronaut at
32.

Here I am, turning 32.

Symbolic walk on the moon?

Kind of lame. I know.

It's very lame, but it'll be great when
we're drunk.

Morning, Ed.

Hey, Jim. Hey. How's business? Rock
solid.

Molly Hudson, meet Jim Frost, purveyor
of the world's finest bowling -related

paraphernalia. What he means is I go
town to town trying to sell this craft

bowling, Alice. Nice to meet you.

Pleasure's mine.

Ed, I got some great stuff. You ready?
Absolutely.

See that? I already roped him in.

I'm the world's greatest salesman.

Check this out, Ed.

Bowling pins that look like celebrities.

Who's this, Bull Bridges? That's right.

It's actually Jeff Bridges, but, you
know, customer's always right. You know

what I'm saying?

Yeah, I hear you.

All right, Mrs. Petrovich, let's take a
look at your throat.

Excuse me a moment.

Yes? Pardon me, Dr. Jerome. May I borrow
a tongue depressor? Oh, by all means,

Dr. Burton.

Here, help yourself.

Thanks.

Say, I'm curious. What happened to your
tongue depressors?

I ran out. You ran out?

That's funny. I've never run out. When I
notice I'm getting low, I ask Wendy to

order more. Don't you, Dr. Burton?

Yeah, yeah, I do. I just, I forgot.

Not a problem.

What's mine is yours.

Uh, and Dr.

Burton, I could not help but notice that
small spot on your necktie.

I think you ought to take mine.

I want your tie, Dr. Jerome. Oh, no, no,
no, no. I insist on it.

Uh, and here, take my car keys.

Oh, what the heck.

My house keys, too.

Now, you've met my wife, Rhonda, and my
dog's name is Spartacus.

So enjoy, Dr. Burton.

Enjoy.

You know something, Dr. Drell? I'm
really starting to, um... Never mind.

About time someone brought magic back to
the streets where it all started. Oh,

please. This is the great David Blaine.
The David Blaine who dates all the

supermodels. The David Blaine who banged
Madonna.

He's a hack.

He's just jealous because they wouldn't
let you host that outrageous show.

Once again, Kenneth, they wanted me to
host. I passed.

Excuse me.

I'm looking for the lawyer.

Follow me, my good man.

You see?

Anybody could do that.

Ed, I have a Mr. George McPherson here
to see you.

Hi. Hi. Ed Stephens.

Have a seat.

I bought some imported Mexican soda on
the Internet. Would anybody like one?

No, thanks.

Eduardo, ¿quieres una soda mexicana del
Internet?

No, gracias.

How can I help you?

I'd like to get my name legally changed.
Can you do that?

Yeah, I think so. Okay.

I'd like to go with Richard, Richard
Benjamin.

All right, he's a Richard Benjamin.

Sure is? Yeah. The actor?

Fortnoy's Complaint, Sunshine Boys. All
right.

Then how about Richard Van Straten? No,
Rick Van Straten.

Yeah, Rick Van Straten.

Sounds like a good guy to be.

Make me Rick Van Straten. Okay.

Do you mind if I ask why you're doing
this? I mean, there's nothing wrong with

George McPherson.

George McPherson. McPherson spends eight
hours a day in the corporate office of

a supermarket chain working for a simple
-minded jerk, polyester slacks.

George McPherson goes home every night
to a tacky apartment complex where he

lives alone.

George McPherson drinks himself to sleep
every night. Now, that life may be good

enough for George McPherson, but it's
not good enough for me.

I'm leaving him behind.

Rick Van Stretten. What kind of name is
Rick Van Stretten? Sounds like you

should be starring in a beach movie with
an Ed Pinicello. Not the point. The

point is, this guy, he woke up one
morning, decided he wanted to be someone

else, and all of a sudden, he's going to
be someone else.

Sure force the will. That's amazing,
isn't it? More like weird.

So, um, Ben, you know that guy Jim? Um,
I've never seen him around.

I knew it. I knew it. What?

Don't want me, young lady. I saw you two
hitting it off this morning. Wait,

wait, wait.

Who's Jim? What's Jim?

Why, Carol, Jim just happens to be the
perfect guy for Molly.

All right.

All right, please, please, you two,
okay? Like, I have a chance.

Do not listen to her, Carol. These two,
they have more chemistry than... than...

Molly, give me a chemist.

If I give you a chemist, you have to
promise me not to bug me about Jim.

Antoine Lavoisier. More chemistry than
Antoine Lavoisier.

Very good.

We really should go out with Jim.

Yeah.

Hey, baby.

Hey.

Mike? You okay?

Yeah.

Yeah, I, uh... I made a pretty big
decision this morning.

Oh? What is it? I gotta quit the
practice.

What? Yeah, yeah, I can't work for Dr.
Jerome anymore. I gotta quit.

Honey?

What happened?

You know what happened. It's the same
thing that always happens over there.

three years, I've been Dr. Jerome's
plaything. For three years, I've

like Job, waiting for him to retire or
tick the bucket.

But you know what?

I don't care anymore. I don't care if I
never inherit his practice.

No practice, no job.

It's worth this much humiliation.

Yeah, honey. I mean, you're right.
You're absolutely right. But, Mike, what

we going to do?

I mean, with me not working at all. I
know, I know. It's a little scary.

Yeah? But we'll be okay.

We'll be okay. Well, things will be
fine. I'll start my own practice. Soon

things will be fine. Things will be
better.

I gotta do this dance.

I got it.

Thanks, Ed.

Thanks. You're welcome.

I'll meet you guys out tonight.

Oh, God.

Principal Jackass. Oh.

You know, I wish he'd left Warren
already.

What are you talking about?

You don't know?

What? Oh, he's making him work with the
janitors after school.

Oh, God.

No, are you kidding me?

Oh, that man makes me... Ladies.

Hello, Dennis.

Hi. Dennis, as your employee, may I ask
a favor of you?

Absolutely. If you're having a problem
with me, could you take it out on me and

not Warren Cheswick?

A problem with you?

Yeah. I hate to disappoint you, but...

I don't think about you enough to have a
problem with you.

Given the way that you've been acting...
Honestly, I can't remember your last

name. No offense.

No offense? No offense? That's funny. I
mean, call me crazy. But I think that

you were trying to offend me with that.
Vestry? Carol Vestry,

right? Vessie.

Vesney? Vessie. Vessie.

Carol Vessie. Okay.

Relax. I'm just having a little
lunchtime fun.

I want to show you something.

What? I want to show you something. Let
me show you something. I want to show

you something now. I'm going to show you
something.

Watch this.

Check it out.

I'm levitating.

No, you're not.

You want to go make out?

I don't think so.

That Blaine son of a bitch makes it look
so easy.

I bet he's got computerized shoes.

Hey.

Ed, right?

Oh, hey, Dennis. Yeah, hi.

Dennis, this is Mike.

Hey, Mike.

You're running, huh? How far did you go?

Uh, not far.

Not as fast as I used to be.

Who is, right?

So, uh, how's the job at the school
working out?

Uh...

Good job.

Where were you working before this?

Actually, I took some time off.

Oh, yeah?

You from here?

Yeah, born and bred. How about yourself?

I lived all over.

Out west, spent some time overseas.

Taught up in New England. A while?

Yeah. New York City before that?

Oh, New York City. I used to live in New
York before I came back to Stuckyville.

Upper west side. Where'd you live?

East Village.

I like the village a lot.

I used to be down in the village, this
little jazz club called Deals.

I remember when that Harry Hill comes
in, he just starts jamming with little

Chrissy Alcho, and those guys could
bang. They could really light it up,

So I never heard of them.

Yeah, well, they're jazz guys, you know.

Jazz guys,

yeah.

Listen, I got to go. Bliss, nice
shooting with you. All right, likewise,

See you around. See you again. See you.
Take care.

Man, those guys could seriously, those
cool cats could seriously bang, brother.

They were far out. They were, like,
unbelievable. They were far out,

Mike, you're focusing on the wrong
thing.

What? You're focusing on the wrong
thing. What I mean is, you went four for

five.

I went five for five.

Yeah, he's still so much cooler than
you'll ever be, Ed.

So true.

Yeah? I don't know.

It's just really... Hey, Molly. Oh.

Oh, hi.

Hi, guys. Hi.

Hi. What's going down?

Oh, I left something and I just came by
to look for it.

Mm -hmm.

What was that?

Pocket cone.

Nice try.

I think we all know why you're here.
Where is he?

Oh, that's Jim.

Oh, cute.

I know, isn't he? Mm -hmm.

All right.

All right, here goes nothing.

Love it. Thanks.

Thank you.

Hi, Jim.

Hey, Molly.

What do you got here?

Well, you're looking at the Stradivarius
of bowling ball drills.

Wow.

She's a beauty.

Yeah. Thanks.

Oh, is she the right pronoun for a
bowling ball drill?

Yeah, absolutely, yeah. Of course.

Hey, you want to give her a go?

Really? Yeah, why not? Of course.

Here you go.

Glasses. Okay.

What do I do? All right. Just take the
lever and pull it down gently.

All right. You ready? Yeah.

Ooh, okay.

Oh, my God.

I am so sorry.

Okay, the key word there was gently.

Yeah. Yeah, that was a $200 ball.

Oh, no.

I tried to... I don't know what I did.

I'm... What?

What? It was... The ball was already
cracked.

You are a silly man.

I gotta get my throws where I can. The
life of a traveling bowling ball

is not a glamorous one.

Excuse me.

Hi, Ed.

Hello. You got some forms for me to
sign?

Forms for my name change.

Oh. Oh.

Oh, my God. George.

Rick. Rick.

Rick. Rick.

Rick.

This is Carol. Carol, meet Rick.

Hi. Formerly George.

Hi. Hi. You're like a whole new guy.

I am a whole new guy.

I'm Rick Van Straten.

Wow. Rick.

It's none of my business. No? Go ahead.

Changing your name, changing your looks,
it's very drastic.

Why are you doing this?

Because life's too short to be somebody
you don't want to be?

Life's just too short.

Uh, Rick, why don't you wait in the
office and I'll get those papers for you

sign? Okay, thanks, Ed.

Bye. Bye.

Ed? Yeah? Did it ever occur to you that
your buddy Rick is actually a fugitive?

What? Yeah, you know, an escaped
convict, a criminal at large.

I don't think so. But he is going
incognito, and that's what people do

are on the run from Johnny Long.

Who? John Law.

Jude's brother?

The police, you goofball.

That's all right. I'll run a check.

But I think this guy's on to something.

Dr. Burton is here to see you.

Yes, send him in.

Dr. Burton, what do you got?

Dr. Jerome, uh...

Dr. Burton? Yes? Is there something you
wanted to discuss?

Yes, there is, Dr. Jerome.

And what might that be?

Well, uh, Dr.

Jerome, I was thinking of ordering
Chinese food for lunch, and, um,

I was wondering if you wanted some.

Two egg rolls, the Hunan chicken on the
side of shrimp fried rice, and plenty of

duck sauce.

Don't let him play games with the duck
sauce.

I won't.

Hi.

So?

So. How'd it go?

Oh, uh, I didn't do it.

What? I didn't quit.

Honey, we talked about this. I think if
you're miserable, you should have quit,

you know? We'll make it. No, I know, I
know. It's just, uh, there's no last

straw.

What does that mean, no last straw?

Well, I had it all planned out. You
know, Dr. Jerome would do something and

just say something degrading. And I'd
say, that's it, Dr. Jerome, that's the

last straw. I'm done with it.

But, oh, it didn't happen. It didn't do
anything.

Good evening, folks.

Holy Lord.

Pretty sweet, huh?

Pretty sweet. And you look ridiculous.

That's where you're wrong, my large,
four -headed friend. Where is it written

that Ed Stevens cannot be this guy?

This guy? You mean that third -rate
gigolo? By this guy, I mean that guy.

Bird -dogging ladies.

Bird -dogging ladies.

Open collar.

Danger. Danger guy.

Laugh all you want. Ed Stevens isn't
kickers. Ed Stevens is making a change.

Really?

Eddie, where's the old guy?

Yeah, the old Ed Stevens. I'm your good
friend. Talk to me. Tell me your

problems kind of guy. I'm tired of that
guy.

No, this is because Carol bet she won't
date him.

Oh. This has nothing to do with Carol.

This is about making a change.

Life's too short to go through life not
being someone you want to be.

Mm -hmm.

Watch this.

Excuse me, young lady.

How would you like to join me for a
soothing cocktail?

I'm sorry.

I'm busy.

Is that right?

Good night.

Knock, knock.

Who's there?

Mr. Reality. Oh, come on in, Mr.
Reality.

Mike. You know what, Mike? Hmm?

It doesn't bother me.

Not one bit. The old guy would have
bothered him. Yes, sir. That rejection

have torn him asunder. Would have
bothered him for weeks. But not this

hat guy? He knows.

That with women, it is simply a numbers
game. 50 no's for one yes.

Still one yes, my friends. In your case,
5 ,000 no's to one yes. Still one yes.

Oh, yeah.

You know what I realized?

What? I've never had a one -night stand.

How lame is that? I have never had a one
-night stand. I mean, you just walk up

to the woman, you lay down that grand
work, you do a little small talk, you

her home, and boom!

You do what guys do.

Eddie, this is so not like you.

Nancy, it is now.

Watch this.

Oh, boy.

Hi there.

Can I buy you a drink?

Honey, I don't want to look.

Tell me when it's over.

Let's dance.

This is like watching a really cute

puppy trying to have sex with a hooker.

I don't have a big boy. You can't have a
big boy. No, honey, it's great for it.

You want to come in?

Going once.

Going twice.

You know what, Therese?

This just isn't me. I'm sorry.

I'm not who you think I am.

I'm trying to be a different guy.

Trying to be a different guy. Cool guy.

I'm not exactly a hat guy, for example.

I can't really pull that.

I met this guy, Dennis. Now, this guy is
a cool guy. Actual cool guy. And he

could wear a hat.

This guy, boy, I mean, this guy could
wear a hat. I've never seen him wear a

hat, but I really think that he could
really pull that off.

You're okay.

No. No, no, I'm quite heterosexual.
Thank you.

But, uh, I guess I'm just not very good
at wearing hats.

I'm gonna go in now.

Okay. You have a nice night.

Hey, Jim. Hey, Ed.

How you doing? Good.

What do you got there? Brand new Luster
King. 30 % more luster. People love

luster.

Hey, um, listen, Molly's throwing a
surprise birthday party for herself.

That's cool. You know, in a deeply
twisted Alice in Wonderland sort of way.

You know, you should come. I might do
that.

Excuse me, Chief.

Yeah, what's up, Kenny? There's a guy
who's been sitting in the parking lot

the last three hours, and I think he's
staking us out.

Excuse me, Jim. Yeah, sure thing.

Whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa.

Keep it in park, tough guy.

Hi.

I'm the owner of this place. Can I help
you with something?

No, thanks.

I was just resting.

Resting in a bowling alley parking lot?

I got low blood sugar.

I never know when it's gonna hit me.

You should try Kudos Bars.

You looking for George McPherson?

Why, you know where he is?

Who are you?

I'm not looking for anybody, okay?

Could you step away from my vehicle,
please?

Hey, what's up, Ed?

Look, I got a busy day.

Not a lot of time for lollygagging
around.

Okay, Mr.

Van Straten. Look, we need to talk. Call
me McPherson.

You change your name back?

Hell no, I'm never going back.

I just want to show you something. I got
it down so that, you know, I don't even

flinch anymore. Go ahead and test me.

Call me McPherson.

Mr. McPherson.

Mr. McPherson.

See that?

See that? New me is already starting to
take root. I really need to know what's

going on here.

What do you mean going on?

What's going on with you? With the name
change that died here. What's the real

reason you're doing all this? You're in
some kind of trouble.

I can help you. I already told you the
real reason, Ed. I got me a, you know,

brand new life.

Just like that, boom, snap my fingers.

Everything's brand new.

Okay.

You know, there was a guy creeping
around Stuckyball looking for you today.

Guy? What guy? What do you want? Well,
he looked like a private investigator.

He wanted to know where he could find
you.

You didn't tell him anything, right? I
mean, you can't tell him anything

I'm a client. I got lawyer -client
privilege.

You didn't tell him where I was. No, I
didn't tell him anything. Because I got

lawyer -client privilege, so you won't
tell anyone anything.

About me, right?

Right.

Right.

Ladies, I've got a deck of cards. Watch
the cards. You watching the cards? Here

are the cards. Now, please, look at the
card.

Okay? Hold it up right there. Do not let
me see it, and I will tell you your

card. I will now enter a meditative...

holistic, yoga, tai chi, vegetarian
trance.

Mr.

Diamond, lane eight is ready.

Mr. Diamond, lane eight.

Eight of diamonds.

Hey, that was pretty cool.

Yeah. I know. Would you gals like to
grab some dinner?

Let's do that again.

No problem.

Choose a card.

Mr. Hart, Lane King is ready.

Mr. Hart, Lane King.

Nice try.

Come on, you are so attracted to my
magical powers.

Let's get it on.

Hi, Ed.

Hey, Ma. Hi.

Listen, the last time I was here, I had
a priceless Ming Voss with me, and I

can't seem to find it. Do you mind if I
look around?

Ming Voss, what is that?

Okay, that was just my lame excuse to
see if I could accidentally run into the

hottie, Jim. Is he still around?

No, he's not, but I have some good news
for you.

Really? What would that be?

I invited him to your fake surprise
party.

What?

Ed, have you lost your ever -loving
bowling alley lawyer mind?

You like him, right?

All right, I want to know what you said
to him. I want to know exactly what you

said to him.

Nothing. I just said we were having a
surprise birthday party for you, and

you like to come along?

I really wish you hadn't have done this.
This is terrible.

What did he say?

He said he might come, so that's great,
right?

My life is a living hell.

What? He said he might come.

No, I might come means I won't come.

No, I won't come means I won't come. I
might come means I might come. No, no,

Ed. Ed, trust me, okay? I've had a
lifetime of experience on this topic.

I'm sorry, Maya. I was just trying to
help.

Come in.

Dr. Jerome?

Something terrible has happened.

What happened, Dr. Burton?

Well, due to my... Due to my
carelessness, I accidentally misplaced

Gittleson's file. Have Wendy look for
it. I'm sure it'll turn up.

I'm not sure you hear me, Dr. Jerome. I
misplaced a file. I lost a file.

A file full of very important medical
information. It's gone. Can't find it

anywhere. If Mr. Gittleson walked
through these doors right now, we'd be

screwed.

These things happen, Dr. Burton. Just
have Wendy look for it. It probably fell

behind the filing cabinet.

Yeah, but Dr. Jerome, Mr. Gittleson
could have some kind of... Kind of

condition. Condition we know nothing
about because that file is gone, man.

Gone.

And I have to admit, it's my fault.

It's all my fault, pretty much.

I'll just go ahead and ask Wendy.

There it is.

I'm not going to lie to you.

This is my first stakeout.

I am very excited.

What do you got in the basket?

I made us some finger sandwiches.

Cream cheese and watercress.

What? Carol, this is a stakeout. We're
supposed to be drinking tar black coffee

and eating stale potato chips, all
right?

What is that? What do you got?

Binoculars. She's got binoculars.

Pink binoculars.

Didn't know they made pink binoculars.

They were a gift.

Whoa. So big and close.

Now you're so tiny and far away.

Wow.

Come on.

Big and close.

Tiny and far away.

You never know. It's your first day,
Cal.

Oh, there he is.

Ooh, ooh.

Papa Bear is leaving the nest.

Let's roll.

You gonna talk like that all day?

I plan.

Appreciate the heads up.

He's looking at ducks.

It's probably some kind of pickup.

Or a drop -off.

Or a combination pickup -drop -off, with
the possibility of a decoy pickup and

or drop -off to disguise the real pickup
and or drop -off. Maybe he's just

telling the truth.

Maybe he just wanted to change who he
was.

Ed. What?

Dear sweet naive Ed, the man is an
international spy and drug -smuggling

killer with ties to the Russian mob.

You'll see.

Maybe I'll waste your time

like I waste your time.

And if you ever get the same.

So I played basketball with your little
friend Dennis yesterday.

Dennis Martino?

New principal?

Oh, he is not my friend.

He's my boss.

He happens to be an enormous... What's
the word I'm looking for?

Oh, I know.

Ass.

Yeah, ass will do.

I don't know.

Seems to me like one of those super cool
guys. You know who he reminds me of?

Who? Nick. Oh, there's a blast from the
past.

He's like Nick, you know? Super cool.
Good looking.

Dangerous. You know, your type.

Please.

I never understood why women are
invariably attracted to guys like that.

phase. It's a stage. Something.

You never told me why you went out with
Nick for all those years anyway. I mean,

no offense, but the guy mistreats you.
You're miserable most of the time.

What's the attraction in guys like that?
Maybe it is because they're dangerous.

I don't know.

Look at this guy.

Totally different guy than he was
before.

Do you think people can change who they
are?

We lost him.

It's him.

He's still here.

He spent the entire day on that bench
watching ducks.

We're now going to take things to the
next level.

Mr. David Blaine locked himself in a box
for one week.

I'm going to stay inside this box for
two.

How?

By controlling my breathing, I will slow
my heart rate, placing myself in a semi

-conscious state of hibernation.

Let's take our first practice run and
get a feel for the box, shall we?

Ready the clock, Kenneth?

At this time, Shirley, I'm going to ask
you to lower the lid.

10 -4, good buddy.

How long was that?

Eight seconds.

Okay, that's a start.

Yeah? Ed Stevens?

Yeah. May I help you?

My name is Lydia.

I'm George McPherson's wife.

George McPherson's wife?

I didn't know you had a wife.

There are many things about my husband
you don't know, Mr. Stevens.

Please, have a seat right here. I know
that you're Georgia's lawyer. The

investigator told me so.

I need to know where my husband is.

I'm sorry, Mr. McPherson, lawyer.

Client privilege prevents you from
divulging any business I may or may not

with Mr.

McPherson. Do you know why my husband
changed his name and the way he looks?

Again, if he did indeed do those things,
no, I don't. Is he running from

someone? If he's in some kind of
trouble, then I really urge you to tell

Last week, he was diagnosed with
adenocarcinoma.

My husband has cancer, Mr. Stevens, and
he's going to die.

What he's running from is himself.

I'm truly sorry.

When he got the news, he didn't even
react. He just said, Doc, you've got the

wrong guy, and then he left.

I need you to tell me where I can find
him.

I'm sorry, Mrs. McPherson. Your husband
was very emphatic with me. He made me

promise not to tell anyone his
whereabouts. I really shouldn't even be

on he's my client.

Please, Mr. Stevens.

We need to be together.

George shouldn't go through this alone.

You've got to tell me where he is.

I just can't tell you where he is, Mrs.
McPherson. I'm sorry.

But what I will do is I will definitely
tell him that you're looking for him.

Here's my number.

Please, tell him to come home.

I'll do my best. You can count on it.

Those mackerels are running this
morning, I tell you.

Dr. Burton, you're almost three hours
late. So true, Wendy, so true.

Is that Dr. Burton finally arriving?

Yes, it is, Dr. Jerome. Send him into my
office immediately.

Looks like I'm going in. Wendy, you
cover me now, huh?

Sit down, Dr. Burton. You got it, Dr. J.

Dr. Burton, exactly two months from
today, I will be retiring.

At that time, this practice will be
yours.

Are you, uh... Are you kidding me? While
I pride myself in possessing a facile

sense of humor steeped in both satire
and irony, I, in fact, have chosen not

use it here.

Uh -huh.

Uh -huh. So are you, uh... Are you
kidding, then? Are you... You're not?

serious. Two months, this practice is
yours.

Oh, my God.

I don't know what to say, Dr. Drum.
Thank you.

Thank you very much. I've waited a long
time for this day, Dr. Jerome.

Now, sit down.

Dr. Burton, now, tell me, what makes you
think you can parade in here three

hours late, looking like Don Ho, huh?

Yeah, right.

I, um... Dr. Burton, you have the
thinking capacity of an inbred seahorse.

You're a doctor, not some kind of belly
dancer.

Do you understand me? Yeah, I think so.

Good.

Now take off that luau costume and get
back to work.

He is so not coming.

Now, you don't know that for sure,
Miles.

Yes, I do, because if he wanted to come,
he wouldn't have said, I might come. He

would have said, I'm coming.

Uh, not necessarily true. I've known
plenty of men who said that they might

come, and you know what? They show up.

Yeah, well, with you, they're playing
hard to get. With me, they're playing,

just being marginally polite because
there's not a chance in hell anything's

going to happen between us.

Miles? Yeah? Do you think that you could
change who you are?

What do you mean?

You know, be something different. Become
someone different than you've ever been

your whole life.

Well, I don't think you can change who
you are, but I think you can try.

Which is...

Why I spent an hour and 20 minutes on my
hair.

You know what? What?

It looks good. It does, doesn't it?
Yeah, it does.

Gosh. Such a shame he won't be there.

False. Yeah. Shut up.

Ugh.

Mr. McPherson.

Ah!

Lynch. You got me that time, Ed.

How about a quick game of nine ball?

Your wife came to see me today.

My wife?

I don't have a wife who told you.

I'm single.

She told me about the cancer.

Cancer.

Wife. You got the wrong guy, Ed.

Ed, let me remind you that if you tell
anyone anything about me... And that

includes my whereabouts. I'll have you
disbarred so fast your head will

She needs you, George.

I can't, Ed.

Of course you can't, George.

How many times do I have to tell you I'm
not George McPherson?

George McPherson is dying.

I'm Rick Van Straten. No, no, you're not
Rick Van Straten. You're George

McPherson. You can't just wake up one
morning and decide to be Rick Van

Why not?

Because Rick Van Straten is a stranger.
Because it's not going to solve your

problems. And most of all, it's just not
fair to George McPherson.

Will you see your wife, George?

She needs you.

No.

She's better off without me.

another shot. Okay?

Surprise!

Wow. I can't believe this.

It's even lamer. I'm sorry.

Happy birthday, baby.

Too long It wouldn't hardly hurt

Rearrange your head Get you out of

bed Don't you think I know Don't you
think

I know

George?

Yeah, George.

Let's call her.

Okay. If you just say yes, begin to nod
your head, begin

to take in breath, smell the sweet
unrest, and move away from

this mess that piles up in your head.

Silence all that would say.

I can't believe how wrong I was about
George McPherson. I

really thought the guy was trying to
hide from something.

He was trying to hide from something.

Yeah. Yes, I mean, he tried and tried,
but he just couldn't change who he was.

Well, I think he changed, all right.

Changed from a guy denying who he was to
a guy accepting who he is.

Yeah.

See you tomorrow.

Okay.

Hey, by the way, remember how you said
you were attracted to guys like Nick

because they're dangerous?

Yeah. I don't think that's the reason.

What do you think the reason is?

It's actually because they're safe.

Safe?

Yeah.

Guys like that, you always know how it's
going to end.

Good night.