Original subtitles

Barnaby Jones, a Quinn Martin production.

Starring Buddy Ebsen.

Also starring Lee Merriweather.

With guest stars, Denver Pyle, Marge Redman.

Special guest star, Nina Foch.

Tonight's episode, The Stalking Horse.

Man, this car don't belong on the street. It ought to be in a museum. You

have to love her. Just drive her. As soon as George opens up.

Yeah. Then you can go back to driving them vehicles that shift and do all the

thinking for you.

Yes, sir.

Oh, Mr. Kircher.

Mr. Kircher.

Oh, morning, Huey.

You know, we really ought to get some new forks. I mean, these old ones have

but had it. Nah, nonsense.

Just order out some spare parts and keep them running.

That's what's the matter with this country.

Too many good machines and men thrown on the scrap heap while there's still a

lot of good use in them.

Keep it running, son.

Scattering things every which way. What are you looking for? I'm looking for my

almanac. Right here.

Somewhere.

You're always hiding.

It wasn't hidden. It was right where you put it.

Oh.

A bunch of sharpies are trying to sell me an avocado ranch down in

Escondido. I want to see what the almanac's got to say about growing

Escondido. Mr. Cursor.

The Abbott inventory, have you got it? I can't find it anywhere.

You're the general manager.

Which means you're supposed to generally manage things around here.

Well, it's very difficult to manage a business that you carry around in your

pocket or your hat.

You wouldn't happen to know the latitude and longitude of Escondido, would you?

You've got to be joking.

We'll take care of these things this afternoon.

In the meantime, you be thinking of some nice ways to say, go soak your head.

And find me the latitude and longitude of Escondido.

Yes, sir.

Let's go downtown.

What room is Staley Kircher occupying?

Mr. Kircher's in 312, but no visitors allowed.

That's good, then. We won't have a lot of people bothering us.

I said no visitors.

I'm not a visitor.

I'm Harry Kircher, his brother.

But, sir...

Well,

it's about time.

Come on in. Close the door. This is supposed to be a private room.

Well, Staley.

I never expected to see you put out a commission.

I'm not out of commission, just out of circulation.

And if I hadn't have twisted that foot, I'd have swum away from old Betsy like a

tadpole.

Now, I just told the nurse that I was your brother Harry.

How come? Well, I'll get to that.

Right now, I just assume nobody knew I was talking to a private investigator.

Oh, come on, we're not that bad.

No, no, it's a plot, Barnaby.

A dadgum plot.

Now, last week, it was a whole case of machine tool parts came crashing down

missed me by about that far.

Now this.

Now, one accident I'll accept as an act of God, but two in one week, that's got

to be the work of the devil.

Think somebody's trying to kill you?

Well, that's obvious.

If what isn't obvious is why.

Any enemies offhand?

I never put a straw in anybody's way in my life. I can't understand it.

That's why you've got to be Harry.

I don't even know what your brother Harry looks like. Neither does anybody

around here.

Even I haven't laid eyes on him in 22 years.

But he was about your stature, looked kind of like you.

He's a crazy galoot, looking for gold up in Alaska, oil down in South America.

He's always just about to make that big deal.

What happened to him?

I don't rightly know.

His letters quit coming about two, three years ago.

Then I heard that he got himself killed down in Yucatan looking for treasure.

I'm sorry to hear that, Steeley.

Don't feel bad about Harry. He never had a sad day in his life. To him, the

whole world was his china shop, and he barged around in it like a bull, drank

like a fish, and talked like a mule skinner.

Now that's who you're going to have to be.

Step in, take over my business, run it as usual, and find out who's trying to

put me six foot under. What do you say?

I don't think a thing like this has a chance of working.

Now, see here, Mr. Kircher.

Your brother's doctor has ordered complete rest.

Well, now, ain't that a riot?

My brother's paying $200 a day for this lump you call a bed, and every time

Dick and Henrietta can barge in here and create confusion. Now, on your way out,

sonny. Why don't you close the door so my brother can get some rest?

Attaboy, Harry.

Never big on small, heavy on light.

You define the law of gravity, you'll fall down and hurt somebody.

There's another one.

Hey, you.

Where are you going?

What do you think you are, anyway?

Harry Kircher. I'm taking over for my brother till he's up and kicking again.

Where's his office?

It's right over there.

Who are you?

Huey Calder. I'm the foreman here.

Good. Keep an eye on things like that down there.

That's why we have foremen, right?

You're right.

All right, put it down.

Look, Mr. Kirchherr. Harry, just call me Mr. Harry. That way you keep me

separated from Staley.

Well, I'm perfectly capable of running things around here until Mr. Kirchherr

gets back. I'm glad to hear that. That way I can concentrate on the overall

picture. I'm a broad brush man myself.

Well, I don't think there's too much of an overall picture to the Vanguard

Company. Mr. Harry, but I'll be happy to help you any way I can. I know where

most things are.

How do you find things around here with a divining rod?

Well... Oh,

Miss Jensen, there you are.

This is my girl Friday, Miss Jensen.

Miss Jensen, Miss Trevine, Mr. Handy.

Miss Trevine, your first duties will be to find a place for Miss Jensen here.

Well, she can use the desk in the back office.

I'll put things aside.

No, no, no, don't bother. Miss Jensen is used to working out of a boxcar in

Fairbanks or a mud hut on the Ganges. Miss Jensen's my right hand all over the

world. Right, Miss Jensen?

Right, H .K.

Look, I can't schedule that shipment of used lathe parts until you get those

letters off. Oh, Mr.

Kircher has some letters to answer. I'll get the file.

Oh, good, good. I'd like to look it over. In the meantime, Ms. Jensen can be

taking some dictations. She knows what to put in place of the cuss words.

Ms. Jensen?

Right, H .K. You understand.

Certainly.

Well, if you'll excuse me.

Excuse me.

Well, you came in through the office. What do you think?

Well, H .K., I think, as they say, you're going to fit in here like a knot

board. Oh, good, good. That's the kind of spirit we want around here.

Optimism. Right, Miss Jensen?

If you don't cut that out.

I think our plans just hit another snag.

I can't help it.

How was I supposed to know his brother would throw up?

Mr. Vines.

Your first order of business will be to locate that brave young man who was so

helpful in saving my brother's life.

Oh, well, I don't really know him. He was just filling in.

Mr. Kircher's regular chauffeur, George Turek, sometimes is a little indisposed

from drink.

I suppose that Ralph Miller, who was his friend, was just helping out.

Correction. Your first order of business will be to locate George Turek.

Now, where might he be?

Well, you'll probably find him drying out, right along with old Betsy.

Hey, hold on.

Now, wait just a minute now. You just leave old Betsy be.

She's here for fixing, not for burying.

Old Betsy still looks a little damp. George, how about you?

Oh, no,

sir. No, sir, Mr. Kircher. Now, I do occasionally drink when my willpower's

at its best.

But when I recover, my wits are sharp as a knife.

Now then, about this fellow that drove for you, Miller.

Providence works in strange ways.

Strange.

If Ralph hadn't have been driving for me, I could have drowned.

Providence and I are looking for him. If he saves Staley's life, I want to talk

to him.

Well, now, he wasn't at the Crimson Cat today. I checked.

I haven't seen him since the accident.

Crimson Cat?

It's a go -go place.

Ralph's girlfriend's a dancer there.

It's the kind of a place you go when you don't want to hear yourself think, you

know. Oh, yeah, like Freddy's in Algiers. You and Ralph regularly there?

Oh, no, sir. No, I've only been going there a few weeks.

I drank with Ralph a few times.

The other night, Ralph and his girl and I went out after closing to one of the

all -night places and had a few more.

Well, it so happened my weakness was kind of strong that night.

I couldn't quite get on my feet the next morning, so Russell Ralph offered to

drive for me.

Yeah, he down there broke his neck, didn't he?

I'm sure glad he got out of that all right.

I understand you yelled at Staley something about the accelerator being

Well, that could be.

Now, here's the spring.

Busted clean in two.

sure came apart all right this place uh red pussy cat that his girl

works oh the crimson cat her name is pepper mints i don't think that's her

name pepper mints i dare say

that's right i want 2500

more

You got more nerve than a starved dog, Miller.

You're lucky you got paid at all.

Nerve is my business.

I did what the job called for.

How was I to know that old coot was going to get out of the car?

Now, listen.

You listen to me.

I've been thinking.

Getting rid of that old man means so much to you that maybe somebody might

more to find out why.

You just had your last drink, Miller.

Now get out of here.

Keep your eye on him.

He makes one move, but the wrong one.

Put him back in the ocean.

Hi, is that for me? I understand your name is Pepper Mince, and you like

champagne.

Champagne, and, um, gentlemen with manners.

Thank you.

Well, this turns out to be cider.

You tell me and I'll get you the real stuff.

Well, now, aren't you the suspicious one?

Want a taste?

Nope. I like my drink to kick in that bubble. Ever?

I bet you do, mister.

Kircher. Harry Kircher.

Listen, thank you very much, but I should really be getting... Now, you

relax, candy lady.

I am looking for your friend, Ralph Miller.

He is your friend, isn't he?

Sort of. Why?

Why, he saved my brother's life. That's why.

Oh. Oh, you said Kircher.

Well... Mighty cool head your young fella's got on his shoulders.

Hadn't been for him, my brother'd probably be bunking with Davy Jones

I want to see he gets a reward.

A reward?

You bet.

Now, where can I find him?

Oh, well, um, I'm not exactly sure about that right now, but, um...

Tell you what I'll do.

When I find out, I'll let you know, okay?

Vanguard Company.

He knows where it is.

Okay, sure.

Wow, Ralph is really going to be surprised. A reward.

Man, he used to do stuff like that all the time.

You don't mean to tell me.

Sure, Ralph was a stunt car driver. Um, movies, commercials, TV, all that stuff.

Well, I'll be a son of a gun.

Good thing that he was driving.

Oh, you bet.

Ralph could drive a car right under a train without him getting hurt.

Is that any fun?

I'm wondering where Miller is. I'm wondering who he is.

He's Harry Kircher, that's who. Old Staley's brother.

Hey, you!

Keep that door closed.

How many times I gotta tell ya?

What's that old bird want with Pepper anyway?

He's looking for the same thing we are. Miller, so I hear.

Wants to give him a reward.

Miller's laying up. He didn't show.

Miller smells money.

He'll show up. They look real chummy. He was pouring her champagne like a long

-lost uncle.

We followed her home and he wasn't there either.

You find her and you stay with her. Miller's not going to leave merchandise

that alone long.

You want us to dump Miller?

Yeah. But wait a minute. We need time.

That ship from Singapore isn't due in until the end of the week and it's got

pick up all this stuff.

We've got to keep Kircher's brother out of this warehouse or we're in trouble.

How do you want to handle it?

Harry Kircher wants to give Miller a reward.

Miller gets the word. He shows up to collect.

And we give him his reward. His final.

Somebody made an offer for Warehouse A.

Is this Warehouse A?

No, no, that's another one out there someplace.

The Capricorn Company offered $250 ,000.

Something that Barry's looking into, Betty.

Harvey, you know this is going to be endless.

Yeah, well, what we're looking for is somebody that found Staley Kircher.

A big enough problem to want to do away with him.

I know, but this is only the files for the incoming mail. I haven't even found

the outgoing mail yet. I mean, some of that could be pretty colorful, too.

Well, I'll ask Miss Trevine. She knows where everything else is around here.

Personally, I'd rather be fishing.

Well, Mr. Kircher is not going to allow the work to begin until he can be

present. So tell them it's been delayed indefinitely.

It's going to cost a lot of money if they don't start on schedule. I can't

it. I don't mean to interrupt business, but... Not still.

Can I help you with something?

Yes, my gal, Miss Jensen, is looking for Staley's outgoing correspondence over

the last three or four months.

Oh?

Yeah, you know, carbons of his letters.

Well, I'm sure they're not too far.

Excuse me.

company. Who?

Oh, uh, yes. He's right here. Just a moment.

Someone wants Mr.

Harry.

Harry Kircher speaking.

I just talked to Ralph, Mr. Kircher, and he said that he would just be very

pleased to see you.

I knew I could count on a champagne lady like you. Tell him to come right over.

Oh, um, he can't do that because he works in this, um, marine salvage yard.

Well, where is the salvage yard? I'll look him up.

It's kind of hard to find, but, um, tell you what. You meet me on the corner of

4th and Morrell, and, uh, you can follow me over there.

I'd meet you anywhere, Candy Lady.

20 minutes.

Okay, 20 minutes.

There he is, over there.

On that big pile of stuff.

You coming along, champagne lady?

Oh, I can't. I just bought these shoes and they cost 40 bucks.

Besides, I have to get back to the club.

Yeah. Bye.

Mr. Miller?

Yeah.

That's right. You Harry Kirscher?

Right. You're a hard man to find.

Well, you know, you gotta work for a living.

I know we all.

I bet you won't be wearing those same clothes the second day on the job.

What? Well, they're hardly the kind of clothes you use to work in a salvage

yard, now are they?

Hey, what is this? Pepper said you just... Relax, Sonny.

You're not going anyplace the police and I won't be able to find you.

Now, wait just a minute. She said you just wanted to thank me for saving your

brother. Just getting through the door talk, boy.

What I'm really interested in is who paid you to try and kill Staley.

Hold it.

Come to a bad place to ask questions like that, man.

Don't do anything stupid, sonny.

People know I came here to talk to you.

One Kircher in the hospital, another one dead in the salvage yard. You have a

lot of explaining to do.

Now, why don't you put that down?

Start right from the beginning and tell me, who wants my brother dead?

It was an accident.

Wrong answer. I'll have to give you some help.

That accelerator spring didn't break.

Somebody broke it.

Now, you're a professional stunt driver. Make you live on my driving cars off

bridges. Now, try one more time and tell me.

Who wants to kill my brother?

So what's in it for me?

I haven't heard anything yet.

You guys got dough?

Millions. I want enough to live on, far away from here.

How about it?

Watch out!

It says that Oliver Handy has been working for him for 10 years.

An upstanding citizen.

Been raising his 14 -year -old daughter all by himself since his wife left him

years ago.

Oh, Barnaby.

Did I say something wrong?

Well, I've been doing a little checking on Vanguard company personnel with the

records office downtown.

What Staley Kircher didn't tell you is that Oliver Handy's wife did leave him.

True.

But while he was in prison.

Well, Mr. Vine.

Oh, Mr. Kircher, I've been trying to reach you.

Would you send Mr. Handy in to see me, please? Well, Mr. Handy isn't here. He

called in sick today.

But there's someone waiting in your office for you.

Oh, thank you.

Harry.

Harry Kircher.

Wait a minute. Hold on there. Let my eyes focus.

Not as good as they used to be.

Oh, yes, they are. I wouldn't have recognized you at all, Harry.

If it hadn't been for those eyes.

I think I remember... Myra?

Myra? Myra Westmore.

Myra Westmore.

Of course, it's been Myra Pepitone since you know me.

But you, you rogue.

Let me look at you.

Oh, you never got in touch with me for the last 25 years.

Well, you have to remember, Myra, that I wasn't always close to the telegraph.

Heavens! I always supposed that you got yourself killed in an avalanche or a

civil war or something.

No, I'm afraid I have to confess that I am still very unromantically alive.

Don't you dare think of anything except me this instant, Harry.

Right now, you and I are going to go to a quiet place where the lights are low

and... And we can both look young again.

Come along, Harry.

I know the nicest little place.

To the past.

May we never lose it.

And may all our mistakes look better at a distance.

Harry.

You're putting on a marvelous act, you devil.

You better clarify that. Us devils are very touchy.

Pretending that you remember me.

That's the gallant gesture to show kindness to a silly woman.

I don't know, but I do apologize because my memory isn't as sharp as yours.

I often wonder what would have happened if you hadn't gone fortune hunting when

you did.

Well, I wound up keeping books for my brother, which is just about what

anyway, at least temporarily.

Oh, not that I lacked for anything when I married Wilbur, rest his soul.

He loved me well and left me with nothing to wish for. You always deserve

very best.

Maybe if you ever did really have eyes for me, it's better that I got lost.

Alaska, gold.

Did you find any?

Yeah, there's a lot of difference between finding it and hanging on to it.

caviar one day, cold beans the next.

But then I heard you went to Africa.

How exciting.

South America.

Oh, South America.

Oil, I bet.

Yeah, we got a barrel or two.

I remember the kids at Jackson High voted you the most likely to succeed.

Remember? Yeah.

I guess that's one of the reasons they...

Tore down Jackson High a couple of years ago.

Never quit, never say die.

Give your all for Jackson High.

Jackson High.

Watch those grasshoppers out.

Well, is the guy for real or not?

Please, sir.

I'm used to being entertained by...

Gallant gentleman.

Watch your tone, honey.

You're a two -bit actress that hasn't had a part in years.

Now give.

Well, at first I thought that he was just behaving like a gallant gentleman,

know.

Entertaining the romantic whims of a love -starved widow.

You come off it. Did you get to him?

Like an arrow to the heart.

Well? Well, he had a passing grade until he mentioned high school.

Yeah?

Well, if your information is right, that Harry Kircher went to Vandercook High

School, I just shot down an imposter.

Well, H .K., how was the trip down memory lane?

Well, if she's on the level, we may have done all right, but if she was trying

to trap me, she may have just done it.

Oh, it's water over the dam, Betty.

I can't go back now.

Is Oliver handy any day?

No, no. I made an excuse to call him at his home. His daughter answered.

Said that he had to go to the doctor's.

Maybe I better just take a run out there and check on his health.

Well, uh... Before you do, you should know

that I've been going through his personal file.

Betty.

That's a highly devious thing to do. I'm proud of you.

Well, I couldn't get anywhere with Kircher's clutter, so I decided to look

through Handy's meat file.

Did you find anything in there that might have caused him to call in sick?

I don't know.

Do you remember the letters that we found from the Capricorn Company

buy the old warehouse?

What about them?

Well, there were blind carbons of those letters in Handy's files, which means

someone thought they were important enough that he should have copies of

for some reason.

Did you check out the Capricorn Company?

Well, our friend Thiefel down at the brokerage office is looking into it, but

he's never heard of them.

You know, it may not be much, but in the last 20 years, that decision to

tear down the old warehouse is the most drastic one that Staley made.

I think it bears looking at it.

I told you he was too nosy to be the real thing. Well, you were right.

Now that we know who he isn't, maybe some of our friends will tell us

who he is.

Hi there.

Hi.

My name's Harry Creature.

That's no fair.

You're going to make me guess your name.

Sandy. By golly, Sandy.

And you're Oliver's daughter. That makes it Sandy Handy.

I bet the boys don't let you forget that name. I wish they would. They make it

sound like a kitchen cleaner.

Well, Sandy, a name is what you make of it.

I guess.

Next school I go to, it's going to be Sandra.

Attagirl. Anybody says different, don't throw him the football.

You got it.

Is your daddy home?

I'd like to have a talk with him.

He's not here.

He went to the doctor.

Oh, it seems to be the trouble.

It's got a mixture of several rare diseases, all of which are very

So I wouldn't hang around or get any closer.

I may be exhaling viruses this very minute. You don't mean to tell me.

Well, now, how could a man as sick as that walk all the way to the doctor?

Huh?

Car's still in the garage.

It's all right, Sandy.

But, Daddy, it's not fair.

Why should we have to move?

Never mind, never mind.

Are you planning on leaving town?

Yeah, it's just a matter of time. Thought I might as well pack.

Mr. Henney, maybe you and I better talk privately.

Nope. This is my daughter's own front yard. I won't have her hiding from

anything you can say to me. I'm running short of time, so I'll lay it out for

you. Somebody tried to kill Staley.

Twice.

I want to know who and why.

Well, accidents, yeah, but... These weren't accidents, I know.

Why, Mr. Kircher's an aggravating old cuss, but I think everyone admires him

a way.

Not everyone.

Now, the only unusual thing going on in Vanguard Company is the demolition of

this old warehouse.

Maybe you can fill me in on that.

There's a company that wanted to buy it.

Capricorn Company.

Yeah.

Well, they wanted it bad, and they put the pressure on me to try to get Mr.

Kircher to sell it to them.

What kind of pressure?

I got a prison record.

Bum rap.

No, no, no, no. It wasn't a bum rap. It was a rap, and I took it. But they

threatened to tell Mr. Kircher about it, and he's kind of straight -laced, you

know. Well, I needed my job.

Why were you planning to leave town?

Deal fell through, so I suppose I'll tell Mr. Kircher one way or another.

Anyway, I still think he should have sold it. A man his age working like a

He ought to relax a little and let his money work for him.

Any idea why the underworld would want to acquire a warehouse like that?

Underworld? What do you mean?

On my way over here, I stopped in to see a broken friend of mine who checked it

out for me.

The owners of Capricorn Company happen to be some of the biggest people in

organized crime.

Hey, now, look. I didn't have any idea. You didn't?

If he says he didn't, he didn't.

I believe both of you.

Or maybe I ought to check in on why some people are interested in acquiring an

old, decrepit fire trap.

Barnaby, look at this.

H .K.

We're still not out.

A bill of lading post -dated for a whole shipment of machinery from Singapore.

There's nothing to do here until later this week.

It looks like it's consigned for storage.

In that old warehouse.

The one Capricorn wanted to buy.

I think it's about time I took a look around inside that old warehouse.

I'll go with you.

Not on your life.

If you don't hear from me within a half hour... Call the police.

Who? That's right.

Our friends just called.

Seems our Mr.

Harry is one Barnaby Jones, private cop.

They said they've had some trouble with him before.

Well, then, we're providing an extra service for our clients.

Doesn't hurt to do a favor, now and then.

It'll be a pleasure.

Miss Jensen.

I say, you startled me.

I'm sorry.

I was looking for Mr. Kircher.

Oh, I'm afraid he stepped out.

Oh, will he be back?

Yes, in a few minutes, I'm sure.

Is there something I might help you with?

No, it's nothing important.

I'll wait.

Bye.

Mr. Kerger, I've been looking all over for you.

It's kind of a dangerous place for a lady.

I think we ought to step outside and talk.

What on earth is that?

That's a hand grenade.

You know, I think it's sort of a storage place for illegal weapons, munitions,

counterband for shipping overseas.

You don't say.

Well, this is what I've been working for, to bring the Murder of the Month

together. This is our last meeting, Mr.

Barnaby Jones.

You know, this is beginning to explain a lot of things.

Why you were so anxious to get Staley out of the way so he wouldn't sell this

old warehouse and ruin that sweet operation you had going.

There would have been a lot less wear and tear if the old fool had simply sold

out. Yeah, the Capricorn Company.

The organized crime folks that you people work for.

You've done your homework, Mr. Jones.

You know what I can't understand is why you just didn't move all this stuff out

of here to some other location.

Not enough time.

There's a ship due in here in a few days of four million in contraband.

And when that ship leaves, Mr. Jones, I'm afraid you will be on it.

In a pine box.

In that case, we'll all sail together.

Well, don't stand there. Shoot him. You got three seconds to make up your mind.

you Oliver feeling that way.

I knew you were a jailbird long before I even hired you.

Jail's good for a fella if it teaches him a lesson.

Isn't that right, Harry? Barnaby.

I, uh, can't believe it.

All those years carrying on an illegal operation right under my nose. Right

under my doggone nose.

Well, Staley, if Oliver here hadn't been snowed in under all that handwritten...

paperwork, maybe it wouldn't have happened.

No, no.

That wasn't the cause of it, was it, Olive?

It's a paper dinosaur, Mr. Kircher.

We can either adopt some new methods around there or start training a new

So that's the way it's going to be.

You got me in a wheelchair, helpless, so you're all going to take advantage of

me. Well, I suppose when the new building goes up that we can look at a

those plug -in devices that save time, but just a few of them, mind you, just a

few. Well, if you want to stay young, you've got to keep up with the times.

Right on, Harry.

It is Barnaby.

I was kind of beginning to like it the other way.

For a few minutes there, so was I.

See ya.

Watch out!

Look at that. You hold it. I'll get up.

I'll get up. I'll get up.

Let's do it, Mr. Craig.

Wait.

Watch it. Now, wait.

Come on.

All right. I don't care.

I cannot bend that way. I got it.

Now, wait. Wait. Now, I don't want to.

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