Original subtitles

Barnaby Jones, starring Buddy Ebsen, also starring Lee

Meriwether, with guest stars Janice Rule, Darlene

Carr, Victoria Shaw, special guest star William Shatner.

Tonight's episode, To Catch a Dead Man.

Going to Catalina.

Now? Tonight?

I told you yesterday when I was.

I didn't know that you meant definitely. I thought of maybe having dinner at the

club on Saturday. I'll be back, Mom.

I'll call you ship to ship.

All right.

Bye, darling.

Have fun.

Evening, Mr. Carlisle.

Gosh.

Going out tonight?

Uh -huh.

Catalina. Oh, funny. I've never been to Catalina. I mean, there it is, just 34

miles away, but I've never been there.

Been to Hong Kong on a package tour once, but I've never been to Catalina.

Is there a Mr.

Carlisle here?

Yes, that's me. Oh, telephone.

Hello, Mr. Carlisle. I'm Mike. You told me to call at 8 sharp.

That's right. Meet me at the boat, would you, Mike?

Yeah, sure. When?

Right now.

And don't tell anyone.

Don't let anyone see you either. Okay.

Hey, why all the spy stuff, Mr. Carlisle?

Hi, Mr.

Carlisle.

Hello, George.

Working late? Always.

A sailor's a beast of burden.

A regular jackass.

Except when he's sailing.

No one saw me. I came by dinghy.

What's the deal?

The deal is you take the boat to Catalina, I'll fly over tomorrow and

I get it. Your wife's still... Yes, you get it. That's right.

The people on my tail will come back together on the boat Monday.

Have fun.

You too.

I lost my boyfriend, Mr. Jones.

It sounds silly like that, doesn't it?

Lost my boyfriend.

I sound like some hysterical high school girl.

No, not at all.

A human being is a very important thing to lose.

Did you go to the police?

Well, no.

I've debated all week what to do.

Is your milk part of me?

That was one sugar and a little cream, Miss Barton. Thank you. Please call me

Julie. Oh, and you forgot this on my desk.

Oh, yeah.

This has been kind of upsetting.

Mrs. Jones.

Oh, that's my daughter -in -law.

Death secretary.

Betty.

He's certainly very attractive.

Yes.

If he only had a little more sense.

I mean was more practical.

You were going to tell me why you couldn't go to the police about your

Hartney.

Well, I guess I better start at the beginning.

Or what's important.

What's important is that Mike has really disappeared.

Usually I wouldn't worry about that so much because Mike has gone a lot.

He cruised on boats sometimes.

It's not a trans -pac race like that.

He's out of the country more than he is in.

But this is different.

He isn't crewing on any boat now because he always tells me.

About the police was the question.

Well, this time I know why he's hiding.

That check.

A bad check for $600.

I don't understand.

I mean, that's hardly a sterling characteristic.

Passing bad paper.

No, of course it isn't.

Even if he had a good reason.

It's the only time he's done anything like that.

And he thought, sure, he'd cover it.

But when he couldn't, he just... just disappeared.

Completely.

But what he didn't know is that just out of the blue, my mom and dad sent me

$500 for my birthday.

And, well, I covered it just in time.

That still doesn't clear him of passing it.

No. No, it certainly doesn't.

Excuse me.

Most detectives send their lab work out, I guess.

Sorry about the interruption.

You were saying?

I'm botching this all up.

I'm making Mike sound so terrible, you might think... Well, he's not that way

all.

You really care about this Mike?

That's pretty obvious, isn't it?

And you think maybe he's gone for good this time?

Well, if somebody doesn't find him to tell him I covered the check, I do.

What's his address?

Is this it?

You will help then?

I'll look into it for you.

Oh, thank you.

Now, I guess I better get started.

That is, if you're finished with your coffee. Oh, yes, I have.

Well, thanks for everything.

I feel so much better now. I just know you'll find Mike.

Well, let's hope so.

Bye, Julie.

We'll be in touch.

Since when do we take cases like this, huh?

Where would you send her?

The Coast Guard has called off its search for millionaire sportsman Philip

Carlyle. The body, they say, will probably never be found due to strong

and evidence of Blue Shark in the area.

And now back to Hawk Time.

Hi, I'm Fred A. Williams.

I think my checks might be ready.

Oh, yes, Mr. Williams. Happy to meet you, sir. One moment, please.

Mr. Williams, I'm Eugene Adams, manager of the bank. How do you do? It's always

a pleasure to meet one of our friends who banks by mail.

Arizona, isn't it?

Yuma.

Hey, meet Freddie Williams from Yuma, Arizona.

Howdy, Freddie.

I'm Diana Stewart from Los Angeles.

Oh, darling, I don't know whether I like this naked face look or not. I don't

know which is sexy.

What fun finding out.

Oh, what a feeling.

I'm Fred Williams, a whole new man. I get another shot at it.

Hey, little doggie, why aren't we drinking?

I don't know.

Oh, honey, just a second.

Oh, darling.

How beautiful.

Now we're Indians living off the land.

Oh, rich, rich, rich, rich, rich Indians.

I love it.

Oh, that's heaven.

And then what?

Then we relax, we goof off, we fish, we make love.

Do you have any trouble with the passport?

No trouble whatsoever. I got them from the same friendly neighborhood passport

supplier that sold us all our other IDs.

Good.

How's old Dorsey?

Oh, my darling, my wife of 20 years has done nothing in the past 10.

Except grow older and colder, which is why we're here, right? You know, the one

thing I wish I'd be around to see is the look on her father's face next month

when he tries to figure out what happened to the trustee account I

him. And on Dorsey's, when she realizes how I milked all our assets.

Passports.

Passports. Passports.

When do we get to use them? That's what I want to find out. That's when.

When everything dies down, we'll snuggle in here for three or four months, out

of sight.

We'll get used to being Mr. and Mrs. Fred A. Williams.

That's our breath.

Man,

I feel ten years younger already.

Mike Hartney, of course I know him.

He and my husband were old drinking buddies.

Mike had a little talent too, you know.

Painting. Did Mike actually work for your husband?

Oh, the Mikes of this world don't actually work, Mr. Jones.

He did odd jobs.

Oh, that's fine, Roger.

Phil always loved wine, fruit, cheese.

I tried to have anything he wanted.

Some dessert, Mr. Jones, some fruit or cheese.

No, thank you, Miss Carlisle. I've had my dinner.

That's a tricky little gadget, isn't it?

Oh, Phil loved gadgets.

Expensive gadgets, expensive cars, expensive boats.

Look what it got him.

Oh, I beg your pardon, Mr. Jones. You came about Mike Hartney.

I'm sorry I couldn't see you earlier today.

Oh, that's all right, Mrs. Carlisle.

It seems that Mike's been missing for the last nine days.

Oh, he's always disappearing.

On those sailing races, you mean?

Yeah, Acapulco, Mazatlan, the islands.

And if he isn't doing that, then he's up on cloud nine, wherever that is, with

that sexy girlfriend of his.

Miss Barton?

No, he's not with Miss Barton.

And he's not on any sailing race either, I checked.

Who is Miss Barton?

Julie Barton.

I don't know any Julie.

I was speaking of Diane.

Diane Stewart is the love of Mike's life.

Oh.

Well, that's not exactly the way I understood it.

Diane Stewart, you say, is that with an E -W or a U -A?

Or would you know?

E .W.

Frankly, she's a knockout. I can understand how Mike feels.

Uh, do you happen to know where Miss Stewart lives?

Uh, Chatham Apartments.

I don't know if she's still there. I seem to remember something about a

assignment.

The Bahamas or the West Indies.

I don't know, Mr. Jones.

Chatham Apartments?

Yes, below the strip on Doheny.

We dropped her off there a couple of times when the four of us were out

together.

We were quite a foursome once, Phil and me and Mike and Diane.

Hey, you know what?

The Greek islands look great.

Remote, but not too remote.

And Athens is a real city.

Forget Athens.

Oh, Mr.

Abercrombie, we were just expecting Mr.

Hitch. Look, I have always wanted a trout fish, especially with flies.

I know who sold you that idea. It was my... Go on, say it.

Say it. Say... Diane, will you say it?

Say Mike sold you on trout fishing.

Look, we've got nothing to be afraid of.

We're brand new. We're Mr.

and Mrs. Fred Williams, and nobody knows any different.

More like Mr.

and Mrs. Fred Hermit, if you ask me.

You don't get caught doing nothing. You get caught doing something.

That's why we're going to do nothing.

And I, for one, intend to make the best of it.

Well, at least, could I send for Cotton?

Oh, come on. What's the matter with my having my pussycat with me? I miss her

more than I miss people.

Forget Cotton.

We buy ourselves that villa, we'll have a dozen cats.

Nobody liked Cotton.

You'll get her someday.

No, no, no. I hate it. It's not it.

It's just... I mean, that's it, but it's not quite it. It's just still too dark.

Now, I'm sorry, but I just cannot stand for it to be that way.

Please don't argue with me, because I know what I want. That's not it. That's

not the color I want. It's still too dark.

I beg your pardon, but is this or was this Diane Stewart's apartment?

Oh, I don't know. Diane's somebody.

Her lease ran out, and I took over. I'm Billy Thompson.

How do you do? Do you know where Diane went?

Nope, I don't know. I haven't the faintest idea. I wish I did, because I

know if she wants all that junk she left out there or not.

Say, you can help us. Come here.

Is this Robin's egg blue?

I know it is. I'm asking him.

Well?

I'd say, uh, powder blue.

See? See? See what?

Powder blue is closer to a Robin's egg blue than your sky blue.

Oh, I can see it in my mind, but I can't explain it. Come on, get some yellow in

that. I think that'll do it.

Yeah, yellow.

Oh, Miss Stewart, yes.

She's been bringing her pets here for years. She recommends us very highly. In

fact, her lovely Persian, Cotton.

Does Cotton know you?

But he's staying with us right now.

You have a little animal friend, too? No, no. You see, it's very important

I talk to Miss Stewart.

It looks like a job for her. I'm with a central talent doctor.

Would you have her new address?

Oh, I'm sorry. No.

Our client's addresses are as confidential as a pet's personal diet.

Excuse me just one minute. It's a new spaniel. He's a little homesick.

Afternoon. Hi.

My grandfather will be back in a half an hour.

We need a trout fishing license.

That's the best idea I heard all day, son, but you're going to have to wait.

I'm looking for a relative of mine.

I wonder if maybe you might have seen her around here lately.

Who? What's her name?

Her name's Diane Stewart.

Miss Stewart.

That name doesn't ring any bells.

But I sure know her.

That's who I'm looking for.

That's Mrs. Williams.

Mrs. Fred A. Williams. They took the Bentley house up by the lake.

Mrs. Fred A. Williams.

I could retire if I could just get Mrs.

Williams' makeup concession.

Name is mrs.. Williams.

Yeah, she buys it all shampoo powder bought every jar a nocturnal miracle

massage the last tube of angel drops She asked us for stuff. I don't even know

what it's for you know where mrs.. Williams live sure

It's good practice to catch a bushfish once in a while.

Any luck?

No, not yet.

You know, I think that you are clutching the rod too tight.

You've got to keep your wrist loose, relax, you know, take it easy. Your

should go right in line with the rod here.

Then center it on a target.

Try it again.

Hey, that's pretty good.

One thing you've got to remember about fly casting, you're casting the line,

the fly.

What can I do for you?

I'm Fred Williams. That's my cabin up there. Can I help you?

Oh, I didn't mean to trespass, Mr. Williams.

I just saw you down here and I... What a beautiful spot.

Yes, it is, isn't it?

You just looking around or what?

Oh, I'm Barnaby Jones. I'm looking for a man named Hartney.

Michael Hartney.

Michael Hartney.

No, no, no.

Well, actually, I think maybe your wife may have heard of him.

Do you, uh, do you suppose I could talk to her for a moment?

Sure. She's, uh, she's up there somewhere. Dan!

Yeah, ask her anything you want.

Yes, darling?

Um, this is Barnaby Jones.

He's, uh, looking for a friend of yours, uh, Mr., uh, Mike, uh, something.

Mike, uh, Hartney.

Uh, how do you do, Mrs. Williams?

Mike?

Yeah, it's from Los Angeles.

He is a friend of yours, isn't he?

Yeah, sort of. Why?

What do you want him for?

Well, he thinks that he's in a real bad mind about a check, but actually he

isn't.

When's the last time you saw him, Ms. Williams?

Gee, I don't know.

A long time ago.

A couple months.

And since then, you've been making preparations for the wedding, not seeing

people. That's very understandable.

What a fine place for a honeymoon.

How'd you know we just got married? Does it show?

Well, Mike's friend described you as Miss Stewart, that's all.

Or maybe I should have said Ms., or maybe I still should.

No, no, no, we're old -fashioned about a couple of things, and one of them is

Mr. and Mrs.

You mean you drove up here all the way from L .A. to get my wife's help?

Well, it was important, and I thought I might get in a little fishing. You know,

business and pleasure.

And here's a beautiful spot.

Ah, ah, ah, ah, Mr.

Williams, relax.

Oh, yeah.

You know, all this expensive equipment you got here ought to make it easy for

you.

That's a split bamboo pole.

Uh -huh. First one of those, I've seen them a long time.

And you got a nice assortment of flies there, too.

Mind if I take a look?

Oh, by all means.

Hand -tied.

Yeah, they are.

Here's an interesting one.

Is that steelhead?

Yeah, steelhead and trout.

Did you tie this?

Yes, I did, as a matter of fact.

Funny -looking eyes.

How come? Well, you see what that is?

Two beads joined together on a beaded chain, and...

That's painted.

It's based on Lady Godiva, only I added my own ideas. I painted that. I call it

Lady Diane.

You know, this is very interesting.

You learn how to tie flies before you learn how to cast flies.

I'm an old -time fisherman, and I never ran across anybody who ever did that

before.

That's it.

Oh, you're getting it.

Right.

Well, I guess I've done all I can about Mike up here.

Sure do hate to waste this fresh air and unpolluted lake.

Say, you wouldn't happen to have some extra tackle I could borrow, would you?

I forgot my... Yeah, up on the back porch.

Thanks. Phil, why did you let him hang around?

Fred, can you keep that on your tongue, Fred?

It's all backfired.

I didn't mind pretending I was Mike's girl so the three of us could go out

together and...

Sweet, the way he always left us alone discreetly. It was fun then, but now

backfired. Take it easy.

The guy's a troubleshooter for the bank, that's all.

He's not here to tell Mike he's in the clear.

He's looking for Mike because Mike bounced a check, that's all.

Listen, I've got an idea.

Let the old guy prove what an expert he is with all this stuff, and I'll go up

to the house and make us drinks, and then I'll dial L .A., and by some weird

coincidence, I'll find out where old Mike is, and we'll send the old guy on

way.

Then we can relax again and goof off and whatever that third thing you said was

that I kind of like.

Would you like something cool to drink?

Yes, thank you.

Some milk.

To each his own.

Find what you need?

You have some mighty fine tackle here.

Thank you.

It's mostly ocean tackle, though.

I see by your license plates you're from Arizona.

Right.

That's a long way from salt water.

Well, not so far from Yuma.

You know, there's the Sea of Cortez, Gulf of California.

Oh, that's right. Down below in Nogales there.

Big Marlin.

Guess what?

I called my girlfriend in Beverly Hills. She ran into Mike down at the marina.

I mean, she just mentioned it. I didn't even have to tell her you were looking

for him. No!

You see, my girlfriend's boyfriend, he's part of that bunch who put the getaway

and dry dock, they're scraping the hull.

Mike's working every day.

That's great.

I hoped I'd get lucky up here, but I never figured I'd get this lucky.

The getaway, you see. Yeah. Well, Mr. Williams, I guess I'll have to take a

check on your tackle there.

Sure hate to leave this place.

You can bet I'll get back up here as soon as I can.

Have a good trip, Mr. Jones.

Bye. Thanks again. And remember, your thumb points to the target.

I don't like the vibes I'm getting from that guy, Phil.

I don't care what you're getting. Don't call me Phil again, do you understand?

You got rid of him?

Relax.

Yeah, what was that crack he made about taking the rain check on the tackle?

He'll be back. Stop being paranoid.

Relax.

He was just being foxy.

I never did like just plain folk.

And incidentally, I don't like rustic cabins and murmuring pine.

Had it.

What do you think you're doing?

I'm packing.

I'm all for using those passports right now.

Phil, you heard me.

Stop it.

We can check on him.

You call the Bel Air house.

The late Phil Carlyle's house.

What are you talking about?

And you use a southern accent or whatever.

And you tell him that your Mrs. Barnaby Jones and your husband gave you this

number to reach him. And that way we can find out if he's been there.

Sure. 213 -459 -108.

I remember the number I was never allowed to use.

Hello, this is Mrs. Jones.

My husband gave me this number for emergencies.

Mrs. Barnaby Jones. I wondered if you happened to know his whereabouts.

Mr. Jones isn't expected today as far as I know.

He was here yesterday.

Would you like me to see if Mrs. Carlyle is available?

He was there yesterday.

Oh, no.

No, thank you.

Joe, I didn't know you were here.

Dorsey doesn't know about this place.

You have the vaguest idea of getting out of here.

People who run get chased.

We're such a save.

Who knew you were here?

Nobody. You mean nobody.

You know I can see every wheel in your head clicking?

I didn't... How do you trace you here?

I didn't tell anybody.

Except...

Except? Just in case of emergency, if Cotton got sick, the vet, but just the

mailing address.

The cats, the cats, the cats, the cats.

How can you be so damn stupid?

I'm not so stupid as to stay here and you're not going to stop me, you prick.

Diane, honey, just a minute, please, don't.

I'm sorry.

I know, I know, no one stops you when you really need it, can they?

Honey, please, don't. Honey, don't.

Stop that.

I'm sorry.

I'm sorry.

You're sensational when you're like this.

You are.

I guess it's good for me to be told where to get off now and then, huh?

At least we settled back.

Thank you.

Come on.

Barnaby, I checked Marina Del Rey. There just isn't a boat named The Getaway

berthed there at all.

What next?

Well, I thought I was going to be on my way back home, but now I think I'll hang

around up here a little longer, ask a few more questions.

Maybe she didn't get the name of the boat straight.

Everything else under control?

No problems.

Hey, keep me posted, huh?

Bye, honey.

She took 15 and 6 tenths, sir.

That'll be 6 .33.

She didn't need any oil.

Credit card?

No, cash.

Oh.

Say, my grandson Ray, some of that relative of yours, Mrs. Williams, is an

actress? Has she ever done anything on the TV?

Just commercials.

She's a model.

How much were they?

6 .33.

Pretty enough to be one, that's for sure.

Most pretty ones like her don't pay so much attention to homemaking, but she

sure does.

How do you mean?

Well, the particular way she wants her steaks cut, just so, and extra fancy

fruit. If she's a goer for that husband of hers, she sure is.

Say, what about him, anyway? Sticks to himself, don't he?

Does he?

Well...

in two weeks or so.

He ain't been down here not even once.

Not one soul has laid eyes on him.

I'm kind of insulted.

Most folks from L .A. or San Francisco think us Tomac natives are real quaint.

Back soon, Al.

Safe trip.

Excuse me, Mr. Williams, for using your range check a lot sooner than I figured.

That's all right, Mr. Jones. What's up?

Well, I guess I just didn't get the information about Mike Hartney exactly

right from your wife.

So I wonder if it would be too much of a bother to talk to her for a minute.

Well, she's gone for a walk up on the hill, she said.

Gets cold enough for a coat this time of the evening. Diane likes cashmere

sweaters. Cozy.

Looks like somebody's been practicing fly casting in the living room. Yeah,

looks like it, doesn't it?

I don't want to intrude, but would it be all right if I waited around to see

Mrs. Williams when she comes back? Frankly, Jones, I was going to have some

cheese and wine and then hit the sack for a while until she comes back.

This, uh, altitude kind of gets you.

So... So unless you want to take the time,

have another glass of milk. Why don't you come back tomorrow?

Does it make it taste better when you slice it fancy like that?

As a matter of fact, it does.

Tomorrow, you say?

Then I can see the both of you tomorrow? Probably.

Okay, uh, let's, uh, let it stay that way.

Oh, in case you run across anybody who might need an office like mine...

Oh, sorry, I gave you the wrong one here.

Fingerprints?

Funny you should say that, Mr. Williams.

Oh,

I guess it's not so funny after all, Mr. Carlisle.

You follow the crowd pretty well.

From Bel Air to a cabin in the woods.

Outside. I keep my eyes open.

Be amazed at what you can see.

Funny little fish and flies made by a man who's missing.

Fancy little doodads for cutting up fruit.

Back door.

Gonna be messy killing me, Mr. Carlisle.

People are going to look for me. The lake is deep.

Killing Diane was simple.

You did kill her, didn't you?

Who's going to worry about her? Her cat?

But with me now, lots of people are going to worry about me.

Lots of different people, like the people down at the store.

They saw me come up here again. They're going to think it's awful funny.

All right.

Hands up against the wall.

Don't move.

Operator, get me the police.

Mr. Williams!

I got that new hairdo stuff you wanted.

Mighty fine plan, Mr...

Carlisle He just made one mistake Picking Mike to kill Mike wasn't

as much of a loner as you figured He did have someone who cared about him

I

loved you

others for you to love, Julie?

I guess so.

You're very young.

I feel awfully old.

Ready to walk back?

No, I think I'll stay out here for a while.

Don't worry about me.

I like to watch the boats coming back.

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