Original subtitles

I will not see death coming.

I did not see death coming.

Do you ever get bored playing chess against yourself?

No, I don't. But I sometimes do.

The gods are coming back!

Why did you do that?

Ray gets mad whenever people do smart stuff in front of him.

Hey, give me the chessboard.

But I got myself right where I want me.

You'll get yourself next time.

Where were they anyway?

They went to throw melons at that abandoned house that people throw melons

Without me? But I've been saving them once for a month.

They should be back soon. I just asked them to swing by my house and pick up my

phone charger on the way back. You sent Ray, Henry, and Jesper to your house

with no adult supervision.

Yeah? What's the problem?

Yeah. You don't have one old Disney movie that isn't. Oh, you're right. Oh,

wait. Time's changing. You're right. Much more inclusive now. Whoa, whoa,

whoa, whoa.

Hey. What's up? Hey.

Hey. Hey.

Hey. Hi.

Hey. Did you go to my house?

Sure did. Oh, yeah. Walked right in.

So? What happened?

We got your phone charger.

Why is it hot?

Because we pulled out of the fire.

You are welcome.

It's at the shower.

I told you she'd be like that. Yeah, I know. I owe you ten bucks, right?

Did you guys light my house on fire?

No, no, no.

I mean...

Yeah. Just the kitchen. The kitchen is gone. I guess, yes. It's gone. The rest

of the house. Totally fine. Yeah.

How did you guys light my kitchen on fire?

Oh, this is going to be good. Let me get some popcorn.

What happened?

Okay, first of all, we've been trying to light switch anyway. It was very dark.

And kind of cold. I happen to have a flare on me. Which would solve both

problems. Oh, my God.

Show her. Okay.

No.

I had a flare in your kitchen. And then we started exploring.

First thing we found were the curtains.

Well, the flare found them.

Those things went up fast.

Did you guys try to put it out?

Yes, of course we did.

But, um, you know that saying, fight fire with fire?

Yeah, that does not work. No.

Let's hit the showers. Woo!

What's your problem with showers, Charlotte?

Yeah, right?

I said showers.

You guys, what about my kitchen?

I'll take care of it. You'll have a new kitchen in six to eight weeks.

Take a look at these cabinet samples.

We could do oak or maybe mahogany.

I don't need a new kitchen in six to eight weeks. I need a kitchen today.

Why? Yeah, what's your deal?

My deal is that I have a date tonight. with Jack Swagger, and I was gonna make

him dinner at my house!

Wait, you know Jack Swagger?

International music superstar Jack Swagger?

Youngest person to win a Grammy, Jack Swagger?

Do you have a date?

Yes, with Jack Swagger.

How do you know Jack Swagger?

We went to camp together like ten years ago, back when he was Jack Swagger with.

Okay, how did we not know each other until now?

I've told you guys like a million times. You guys just never listen to me. I

don't believe you. I don't know that.

Truth or flair?

Truth.

Who's the first person you ever smooched?

Jack Swagger. Summer camp. Back when he was Jack Swagger with me. Check me out.

Check me out. I'm Flairy Potter.

Magic. Magic.

Yara wins at Flairy Potter.

Yes. Yes.

Oh. Okay. Bye.

You told us one time.

Who's that from?

Jack Swagger. We went to camp together.

He's playing at the Swobby Bowl tonight, so we're going to go out for dinner.

The ice cream man!

Oh, my gosh.

Okay, so you mentioned it twice.

You know, scientists say that you have to hear something three times to be

legally remembered.

Hey, can you guys swing by my house and pick up my phone charger on the way

back? I have a date with Jack Swagger. I know him from camp.

Oh, and by the way, the light switch in the kitchen's a little hard to find,

so... Wow, was that today?

That was an hour ago.

An hour ago today?

And I can think of seven more times I've told you guys. Not enough time. Well,

Jack was supposed to come to my house and have dinner tonight. But now I can't

make him dinner.

Why not?

We got your phone charger.

Guys, you burned down my kitchen!

Take him out to restaurants. Soda voce.

Nice place.

Romantic. Kitchen. Not burned. That you know of. That I know of.

We tried that.

He's too famous. He gets mobbed wherever he goes.

Yeah, saw him at the dentist once.

Tackled him.

Turns out, different guy.

So, you guys can only have dates at your house?

Or a secret restaurant. Like one time in New York, he took me to this cool

underground spot below a fake laundromat. I got it!

We need some place to turn into a fake restaurant, eh?

Some place nobody knows about?

Somewhere underground?

I say we make a fake restaurant in Henry's house.

Yeah. No.

Why not?

There's a hawk in my house. There's a hawk in your house?

That's what Piper said.

What are you doing out here?

Can't go inside.

There's a hawk in the house.

He hates me.

Why is there a hawk in our house? I heard a cricket downstairs last night.

Go on.

Well, the cricket kept me awake, so I grabbed some mice and brought them in to

get the cricket. The mice got the cricket, but then they wouldn't leave,

grabbed a handful of snakes to drive out the mice.

So there are a bunch of snakes in our house now?

Not since I got the hawk.

He hates me.

Relax, Tony.

He's outside.

I may need to crash here until the hawk leaves.

Okay, so we'll do it in the man cave. Do what in the man cave? Make it a secret

restaurant. Yes!

No, we're not turning the man cave into a secret restaurant.

You burned down my kitchen? You never listen to me. You get mad at me when I

read books in the man cave.

I knew I smelled books in here.

You owe me.

Fine. We'll turn the man cave into a restaurant.

Yes.

Who was playing chess?

Foise? Daddy!

What am I doing?

It all just kind of happened. I wanted an after school job, but then an

indestructible superhero hired me to be his sidekick.

Now we blow bubbles and fight crime.

Feels good.

Grabbed my tie. Wouldn't give it back. Luckily, my dad distracted it with his

face. Is he okay?

Uh, yeah. He's okay. He's got, like, razor talons and, like, a knife beak,

No, no, I meant your dad.

Oh, no, he's in serious pain. This place looks great. Where's Ray?

Chef's in the kitchen.

Where's the kitchen?

Behind the... soundproof curtain.

What?

Chef sounds mad.

Yeah, we should check on him.

Oh, come on!

Hey, what are you doing?

I can't find my fifth flare.

And if I don't have all five flares, it's ruined.

Put the flares away, man. They're for emergencies only. Or for playing truth

flare. It's fine.

I just had the thing. Flare got it. It was here a second ago. I found it.

I found it. Just stop. Move. Where is it?

Dude, you gotta stop. blinding flares in kitchens. Why? What's the worst that

could happen?

Okay, hand it over. Give it back to me, man. Give it back. We're done.

We're done. We're done.

Ah, you're ruining my process.

No, no, put him in the dump again.

Okay,

uh, Charlotte and Jack Swagger are closed. I gotta go up to Juggerstuff and

pretend like it's a fake store.

It is a fake store.

Exactly. This guy gets it.

What are you wearing?

Schwoz and I are the chefs. I am dressed like a chef.

From a cartoon?

This is what chefs wear in cartoons.

No, in real life.

Okay.

Boom.

Now that's a chef.

No, I got a can of pasta sauce right here with a picture of a chef on it.

what a chef wears. Here's what a chef looks like.

What's it today, Danny? I'm drunk like a chef.

Oh, from a cartoon?

This guy gets it.

Look at the can! The can's alive!

This is what a chef looks like!

I am so sorry. We are fully committed this evening.

There are no tables available.

Madam President.

Oh, I'm sorry. I didn't see you there because I was just on the phone with the

President.

Wow. Yeah.

Okay.

We would like to go to the secret underground restaurant. We have a

for Charlotte Page.

One moment.

Here it is. And I have a note here that says it's somebody's birthday today.

Not mine. It's not my birthday either.

They give you free dessert if you tell them it's your birthday.

Then I guess it's my birthday.

Very good, sir.

This guy gets it.

Right this way.

What did I tell you about using flares in the kitchen, dude?

What did I tell you about playing chess?

That was schwa, dude. Chess is for nerds.

Yeah, it is. We good, Henry.

What you got there, soundproof curtain?

Piper, how'd you get this piano down here?

Schwa says a thing.

Okay, why do you have a piano down here?

This is my baby grandbaby.

I'm gonna play some slow jams for tasty tips.

There's one person coming to dinner.

Uh, he's not a person. He's a celebrity.

You wouldn't understand.

do you even know how to play the piano nobody actually knows how to play the

piano i mean look at this thing there's like a million buttons fortunately my

phone just has one button

to fix their elevator.

You get used to it.

I assume. If you work here, which I don't. Hey, look, a piano.

Nice playing.

I love a little slow jam.

Money speaks louder than words.

We have your table right over here.

Thank you.

So what's this place called? It's called food.

That's dumb.

Is it?

What if I told you it's food spelled with a U with two dots over it?

You know, that's cool.

Cool spelled with a U with two dots over it.

This guy gets it.

This guy gets it.

Or my name isn't Blaze.

Is your name Blaze? Yes.

Therefore, we know he's here. Yeah, where is he? No, no, no, no, no, no, no,

no, no, no. There's no Jack Swagger here, all right? There's just a bunch of

junk and a dashing cashier.

We saw him walking in with a date. Yeah, and a piano player took a selfie with

him in some kind of restaurant.

It's all over the Internet.

Underground restaurant for celebrities.

No, no, no, no, no, no, no. It's a fake store that's a front for a super.

Secret restaurant. Yeah, there's a restaurant down there.

This

place

is great.

It's so private.

I know.

So annoying how everyone stares at you everywhere you go.

Yeah.

It's so nice down here.

Just the two of us.

And those three guys over there.

Uh, uh, don't you guys have to go cook our dinner or something?

Dinner's in the oven. All good.

Right this way.

Table for two.

No, no.

No, no, no, no, no, no.

No. This is Henry. He'll be taking care of you this evening.

Oh, and what a treat. You get to meet our chefs.

First question, do we have any food allergies I need to worry about?

No. Give us a sec.

Who are those people?

I know that girl's name is Blaze because that's how she knew there's a secret

restaurant down here.

What? Or her name wouldn't be Blaze.

Also, also, also, Piper posted a selfie with Jack Swagger.

Oh. Well, that's just perfect.

The tip jar is not just for show.

So now the entire Internet knows there's a secret restaurant under Junkenstuff.

Afraid so. I'll probably be back later with more bad news. Bye!

I better start prepping.

Henry, push the shrimp.

Barb, I don't think I can get another day out of it.

Piper, get in here right now.

Soundproof curtain, dude. We'll see about that. Piper!

My heart is just a tip -top baby.

So don't leave me feeling empty.

Piper! Dude, stop. She's never going to hear you. Well, there's a bunch of

people in my man cave, Henry. You can't expect me to just stand here and not

yell. Piper!

Alien won't help.

Well, I have to do something.

Just a matter of time before someone sticks their stupid little head through

this curtain and figures out what this restaurant really is. Hey, guys.

Henry,

just sat your parents down at table two. It's both their birthdays.

Okay, thanks, Jasper.

My parents?

Honey, are you still worried about the hawk?

Yes. I think he has my scent.

Relax. He can't get to you down in this restaurant.

Be present.

Sorry, we don't have any tables.

It's okay. We just came to scare Jack Swagger.

Ah, that's a very popular choice tonight. May I also suggest the shrimp?

Are your parents really here? Yes.

Stop that.

Also, Jasper keeps bringing in more people.

Hey, what are we going to do?

Well, there's only one thing we can do.

We burn this whole place to the ground.

Okay, just let me gather some precious photos.

No, no, no, no, no.

We can't ruin this date for Charlotte, okay? We gotta keep cooking and convince

these people this is a real restaurant.

Henry's right. We have to do this for Charlotte.

And then tomorrow, we'll just say it's closed forever.

Because of a fire.

A fake fire.

But tonight, we're going to give these people the best and only dinner service

of our entire lives.

Who's with me?

I mean, let's do this for Charlotte. And fire.

Really, dude?

Oh, sorry.

Honey.

Secret restaurant.

We paid a fortune for the hawk sitter and you're not paying any attention to

Be present.

Okay, the hawk scratched my cornea before we left the house, so I might be

wrong. But I think that's Piper playing the piano.

Piper doesn't know how to play the piano.

Nobody does.

There's like a million buttons.

Why do I have to be present when you get to sit there? It's the hawk sitter.

Tony got out.

Oh, no.

Let's hit the showers.