Original subtitles

So, what you reading?

It's this really interesting article about how annoying it is when someone

over your shoulder.

Yeah, I hate those people. Oh, real quick, click that link right there. Ten

celebrities you didn't know were double -jointed? What?

How do they know that?

You are being those people right now. Henry!

Smallview needs us!

What's going on? No time to explain.

Let's cheer with urgency. I don't know the emergency.

Good one. Thank you.

Is this the emergency?

You want to show me your new cape?

No, I want to show you our new capes.

What? Dude,

what is this?

What is this? This isn't a cape. Are you kidding me? I'm 100 % serious.

Why? Dude, there's no point in having a cape.

You don't need a cape if you don't fly.

You don't have to fly to have a cape. You just need to own it. Why is mine so

much smaller than yours? Yours is smaller because you're the sidekick.

And I'm the hero.

I want a stupid tiny cape, dude.

Well, maybe we could come up with a system where you could earn extra inches

your cape by doing things like being a good listener or maybe making me a nice

pie. Just get this thing off me, dude.

I found the man you wanted.

Prepare to be blown away.

That was really good.

You're going to want to get your phone out. I'm not going to do that. Oh, you

have a slow -mo setting? No, I don't. You're going to want to take a picture

it. It's going to be the best thing ever.

Do you love it?

No.

I am currently loving it.

Charlotte loves it. Check it out. Mine.

I'm good.

Emergency call.

What?

Turn it off.

Vice Mayor, what's up? I need you at City Hall now.

Uh, could you ask politely or maybe notice my cape?

Oh, looks great.

Thank you. Oh, yeah, good for you, dude.

And your tiny cape is adorable, Kid Danger.

I don't want to be adorable, okay? I'm a man.

Well... Now get your butts to City Hall.

I'm the Vice Mayor, not the Say It Frights Mayor.

So that's the last time I'm going to say it.

Uh... You heard what he said we should do with our butts. Let's go!

All right, just give me a second.

What are you doing?

That cape was a gift.

Relax, I'm going with you.

What about your cape? Up the twos.

Ah, the cape!

You never should have stolen that baby elephant.

It followed me home.

Tell it to the judge, baby girl.

I did.

She didn't believe me.

Oh, too bad. So sad.

Now listen, I got to drive to Neighborville and rent a dump truck.

Why? That's my business.

Your business is using this stick to fill up that bag with trash here.

As soon as it reaches the tippy top, you're done with your community service.

Can I pay someone to do it for me?

Just say that.

It's Stank Street, man. No one's ever here.

Besides, Coastal Clear is just one of those things that people say, like, look

both ways or stay in school.

By the way, dude, why'd you tube us out at Stank Street? There's tons of other

exits in Swillview that don't stank.

It's the one closest to City Hall.

Besides, it's near the store that sells... things.

What, capes?

I don't know.

What's the place called? Nothing but capes.

You're a child.

Who will soon have a cape? You're an enormous child.

We're not wearing capes.

at an after school job. But then, an indestructible superhero hired me to be

sidekick. Now we blow bubbles and fight crime.

Feels good.

Sorry, Deez.

Is it bad?

Nah. Did you used to have two eyebrows?

I think so.

So, why did the vice mayor need you guys at City Hall?

Somebody stole a package off the front porch. Yeah, a box full of neckties with

his face on it or something.

Anyway, we told him we'd get right on it. Okay.

Doesn't sound like you're getting right on it.

It's not worth our time.

superheroes we care about some package what

you got there fella little text yeah

it's from my mom oh nice stop she says that uh her new

hair dryer was supposed to get delivered today but it got stolen off the front

porch saddle up and ride henry there's a feet needs killing oh that was very

aggressive probably still leaving this is no time for greasy delicious chicken

There's a crime wave, and it just hit Henry's mom.

Now, we're going to find this package thief, and we're going to ruin his life.

Okay, just relax, dude. I'm going to hurt him until he cries. Then I'm going

collect his tears, boil them down, and use their essence to make a high -end

cologne called Not On My Watch.

Whoa.

What's our first move? Not done.

Then I'm going to cover him in honey, roll him down a hill of fire ants, fire

ants that shoot lasers out of their butts. Or, or, or, or.

We put a fake package on my front porch's bait.

We wait in the surveillance van until the thief steals it, and once he does,

grab him and we take him to jail.

Okay, love that.

You just earned two inches on your cape, buddy.

Wait, what? No, I don't want that. Two inches on Kid Danger's cape? Okay, you

know what? Let's just go.

Is it bad?

on my porch.

Nice.

What'd you put in that package anyway?

Let's just say that when the thief opens it, he's gonna be a glitter bit

glittered from the package on your porch, which contains a glitter bomb,

if you know what I mean.

So it's a glitter bomb.

Yes.

What is wrong with you?

Ooh, the milk's done.

One for me and another for thee.

What do we got here?

Warm milk, full fat, like Mother Nature intended.

Why?

We got a long night ahead of us, pal.

If we're going to stay awake the whole time, we got to get comfortable.

We got to get calm.

We got to rock out into the sand to the ocean, breaking gently against the

moonlit beach.

Yeah. Oh, yeah.

Drink up, buddy.

It's going to be a long night.

Drink. Then we drink.

Come back here in Henry's mom.

Hello?

We haven't heard from you in ten hours.

Dude. Dude.

Dude. Dude.

Dude. Dude. Dude. Dude. Dude. Dude. Dude. Dude. Dude. Dude. We fell asleep.

think we fell asleep.

You fell asleep?

So did you.

Prove it.

I didn't wake you up. Where'd your mom go? She was just here. What?

Man cave to the surveillance van. Man cave to the surveillance van. Can you

me? Yeah, yeah, yeah. We hear you.

We hear you loud and clear.

Did you guys fall asleep?

Uh, no.

No, no, no, no, no, no, no, no.

We did not.

Yes, you did.

We didn't fall asleep. We were just resting our eyes.

Okay. Well, if you didn't fall asleep, then what's the status of the package?

Oh, the package. Yep.

Um, let me see. The package is...

because I'm done making another bait package to put on Henry's porch.

What? Well... Thank you. That is actually incredibly helpful.

This package is too heavy, Charlotte. Why is it so heavy, Charlotte?

Because I put Jasper inside.

Hey, guys. I got a taser in here.

Ow!

It works.

That way, he can jump out and...

the package thief in case you two fall asleep again

fall asleep again, dude.

Man, all that anger really wiped us out.

Yeah.

Hey, check if the package is still there. Oh, right.

The package is still there. Yes! Yes!

Man, we're so good at this.

I've got a delivery for two awesome dudes in a van.

Yeah, it seemed chill. Yeah.

What's in the package?

I'm about to open it up right now.

Is that our glitter bomb?

The one that got stolen yesterday?

Yeah. Yeah.

So that was the... Package thief?

Yeah.

and I'm starting to get a little... Greeny, yes, peachy.

Ow!

What the heck, Schwoz?

It's Avocado Day.

What?

Avocado Day. If you're not wearing green, you get pinched on your skin.

That's St. Patrick's Day.

What the heck is St.

Patrick's Day?

You will never guess what happened to us.

You fell asleep again, then the package thief delivered the glitter bomb to the

surveillance van, and you opened it without realizing what it was, and now

look like a unicorn pooped on you?

No. Maybe.

Why are you so smart all the time?

No greenie, yes, peachy.

Ow!

Is it Avocado Day? Man, I forget every year.

Okay, what is Avocado Day?

No greenie, yes, peachy.

What the heck, Ray?

It's Avocado Day. You're not wearing green, so you get pinched. That's St.

Patrick's Day.

Ah, you're right, you're right.

Step one, stop falling asleep.

Ah!

Eww!

Now, in order to catch a package thief, we gotta think like a package thief. We

start stealing the packages ourselves.

Okay, love that.

Gas up the van, warm up some milk, and let's roll!

Uh, guys, I have an idea. Wait!

What's up, big dog? I got a better idea. Listening?

We go down to the man cave, we get Schwoz's pot of gold. I'm sorry, what?

We get Schwoz's pot of gold, we leave it outside the store as bait. Schwoz has a

pot of gold?

A pot of gold?

I'm not a leprechaun. Why would I have a pot of gold?

He does, though.

You can't have my pot of gold!

Look at it.

I said I have an idea.

Okay, so we get Schwoz's pot of gold, maybe run some electrical wires through

it. Maybe warm up some milk. Wait for the pack to show up. Yeah, do some

meditation, get in that zone, you know what I mean? Maybe get down in the songs

of the whole pack. Uh -huh.

Okay, okay, okay.

You guys!

I put an ad online yesterday that says Junkin' Stuff buys things now.

So? So the ad said that we'll buy stuff, pay cash, and not ask where they got it

from. Oh.

I did not authorize that, so I will subtract the cost of the ad from your

paycheck.

Oh, tough break, Char.

Uh, no, no. I thought that maybe... Come on, kid.

Let's towel out this glitter, take a quick power nap, and steal Schwoz's pot

gold. Good call. I'm so tired. I know, right?

Must be from all that sleep.

You'll never get me talk of gold!

Yes, we will. Right after our nap.

Yeah, I saw your ad online.

Oh, did you?

Yeah, said you'll buy stuff, pay cash, not ask where it came from.

That is what the ad said.

What's she looking to sell?

I've got a bunch of neckties with the vice mayor's face on them. You

I am very interested in those.

Got anything else?

I've got season two of Will and Grace on Blu -ray. That's a good season. It's a

great season.

Also got this hair dryer specially made for hot moms.

That is fantastic stuff. Where'd you get it? The ad said you wouldn't ask where

it came from.

But whatever, I stole it.

Oh, wow, and nobody tried to stop you?

Well, there was this old guy and his son in the van trying to catch me.

Old guy?

Oh, yeah, there you are. You like that glitter bomb, old man? Oh!

Say, friend, couldn't help but notice you're not wearing green.

And it's avocado day.

I guess.

Oh, God.

Ow! Stop!

Help! Stop pinching me! It hurts!

stuff right uh he walked in because i put an ad online i've said it before and

i'll say it again dude luck is a skill yeah well lucky for us we got that skill

i know what you're saying dude okay okay partner all right well good luck

getting the glitter out of your own hair what's her deal yeah she gets like this

every avocado day who's gonna blow the glitter over her now oh i got an idea

Sweet, dude. I'll warm up some milk. No, no, no, no, no.

Can't nap our way out of this one, pal.

Check it out.

Pop a gumball, transform into Captain Mannequin Danger, and poof.

All the glitter's gone.

Uh, question. Do you ever get tired of being so awesome?

I never get tired.

Except for the last two days where I kept falling asleep over and over again.

All right.

All right. Let's pop some gum and get this glitter out of my bum.

Popping.

Pause.

Pausing.

Sup, pop, pop.

Piper. Uh, well, when was the last time you saw her? Been a couple of days.

And according to this parenting book I've been reading, I should be worried.

Wasn't she picking up trash for community service?

Ah! We'll go with that.

Yeah, anything else? I gotta go.

Yeah!

There's a really big package on the front porch. Did you order something?

Hmm, I don't think so.

Oh, no, we forgot about Jack. We're doing Still in the Box on the front

Uh.

I'll just open it.

No, no, no. Don't, don't, don't, don't. Don't open it.

Oh,

my God.

The package thief was Henry's dad.

What'd your dad say? Anything important?

Not really. Jasper tased him. Piper's missing.

Let's get this glitter off. I'm paused.

I'm pausing.