Original subtitles

Hey, hey, here comes Piper. Let's all get quieter or else she'll blow that

horn.

Okay, people, quiet down.

But we were already quiet.

Okay,

this meeting of the - fans will now begin.

Our first order of business should be to... Jasper, why are you even here?

Yeah, you're not a man fan.

Well, I just figured since you guys are so into Captain Man and Kid Danger, I

could, you know, teach you a few things.

Uh, we're experts on Captain Man and Kid Danger.

Yeah, what do you know?

You know, just...

Stuff like, uh... Well, did you know that Captain Man likes his french fries

hot, but his ketchup... Cold.

Uh, how would you know that?

I have my ways.

Oh, and I bet you guys don't know that Kid Danger can touch his elbows behind

his back.

Oh, big deal. My brother can do that, too.

Hey, I... I was talking about Kid Danger. You brought up your brother, not

okay?

I did nothing wrong.

Okay.

Now let's talk about Captain Man's favorite, Benny Get the Door.

Yes, Madam President.

Oh, hello.

I'm from Babaloo Balloons.

It's a man.

Thank you.

What you need? Well, someone ordered balloons for your man -fan meeting

Uh, hey, did any of you guys order balloons?

I did not. It wasn't me. Sorry, but... Oh, now you're in my house.

was working this morning.

Get me out of this thing.

Do

you

know how uncomfortable it is in there?

No, but I'm sure you're going to tell me.

Wait, wait, wait.

Aren't you Nurse Colworth?

First cohort, she's the assistant to...

Dr.

Yamaka!

Minyak, my name is Dr.

Minyak. You guys, he's dangerous. Everyone out of here!

Would you children like to see what Dr. Minyak can do with helium?

I don't know.

Yes.

Watch what happens when I use my heliometer to heliomatize this balloon

with...

Well, isn't it obvious?

We're taking you hostage.

Hostage? Piper, call Captain Man. Yes, oh yes.

Let's do call Captain Man.

What did you just do?

I thought you wanted me to slap you five.

No, I want my phone.

Give me my phone.

It's in your pocket.

No, it's not. If it were in my pocket, don't you think I'd know that it was in

my pocket?

Is it in your pocket?

A few more. All right.

All right, all right.

Oh, hey, wait for the girls. Hey, look at all those hot girls on the beach. Hot

girls. Hey, girls. Hey, girls.

Come on, get into it.

You're embarrassing me in front of girls that don't exist.

Oh, come on. Show me some emotion.

Give me some feels, baby.

Yeah, come on, Henry. We're on the beach in Hawaii.

No, we're not.

I feel dumb.

Hey, do you have any idea how many people wish that they were going to be

featured in the new Swellview calendar?

Well, go find them.

I don't want to do this.

Hey, look, everybody. Charlotte's complaining. That's fresh.

Hey, hotline call. Yeah.

Schwoz, Charlotte, get over there so you won't be seen.

Okay.

This is Captain Man and Kid Danger.

What is your emergency?

Actually, it's your emergency.

Minyak! Doctor Minyak!

You're no doctor.

You're just evil.

Ah, those two things aren't mutually exclusive, you know.

What does that mean?

It means a person can be a doctor and evil all at the same time.

Yeah, well, nobody likes you.

Hey, what are you doing?

I think Dr. Minyak is at my house.

Okay.

Is your mom home?

Oh, why?

I don't know. I just think about her a lot. But, Ray.

Hey, now. Where did you go?

I demand attention.

All right, Minyak.

Where are you?

Who? Me? Oh, I just happened to be at the house. of the president of your man

-fans. Pike!

Wait, what was that?

What did he say?

I think he was going to say, Pike!

Pineapple. Pineapple.

Pineapple. I love pineapple. This one loves pineapple.

Pineapple. Oh, yeah, Pike. We could have been talking about the number Pike. Oh,

yeah. 1 -3 -4 -1 -8 -6 -7 -5 -3 -0 -9 -1 -5 -9 -2 -3 -4 -3 -5. Got to

make you mine. No, no, no.

It all just kind of happened. I wanted an after -school job, but then an

indestructible superhero hired me to be his sidekick.

Now we blow bubbles and fight crime.

Feel good.

College, up to two.

We know exactly where you are.

So you just wait right there like a good little jerk, and we'll be there in a

few minutes with our fists.

Four fists.

Yeah.

It's going to be a real fistival.

A what?

Wait, what did you say?

I said fistival. You know, like a festival with fists.

Oh, God, that's so stupid.

It is not. You're stupid.

Hey, hey, you know what you should have said?

No.

Because we're bringing some punch.

Ah, yes, punch. That's very clever.

I'm so bored.

Maybe we should leave.

Nah, they're gonna need us eventually.

Just come on, let's go attack Minyak. Let's do it.

No!

If you two super zeroes don't stay right where you are, this kid flies.

I mean flies.

You see, if I use this to blast the helium in those balloons, it will

geometrically increase their heliosity.

And then your president will fly straight up through the ceiling and she

stop until she hits the moon.

The moon?

All right, now. Okay, you listen to me, Dr. Minyak. If you hurt that girl,

you're dead meat.

Not that I know that girl personally.

I just care so much because it's my job to care about people like that girl in

that chair who I do not know.

No, you listen.

For the next three hours, my minions will be traveling all over Swellview,

robbing, stealing, burgling all the evil gerunds.

And the two of you will do nothing to stop me because I'm watching you, Kid

Danger and Captain Man.

And if you leave my view...

the police.

If you call the police, the girl flies.

I thought that was going to work.

There, there, there.

Is this yours?

No. Okay.

Guys. Jeez.

Gross. Spray my face.

Just listen.

Ross and I think we know a way that you can go stop Dr. Maniac.

We can't go anywhere.

We have to stay here.

No. Dr.

Maniac just has to think you're here.

Then how can we... Just wait there.

I'll be back. Wait, what?

Just tell us what the plan is.

What are you two talking about?

Just cheese. Cheeses.

Cheeses that we enjoy.

Yeah, I'm into cheddar.

I like manchego. A hard Spanish cheese.

Well, I hate cheese.

Especially Spanish ones that are hard.

And I hate you.

Ah, fair enough. We appreciate the feedback.

Go ahead and distract Minyak.

Got it. Bye.

Yes? Hello?

Hi. I'm selling AA batteries.

You're selling what?

Okay, now, he's not looking. Quick, hurry.

Okay. How's this work? What does it do? It will make Minyak think you're still

in the man cave.

No, no, no, no, no, no.

Sir, you can find a great use for these batteries.

They're small enough to fit into flashlights or, like, remote controls.

I mean, they're way better than the Z batteries or the 9 -volt batteries.

I despise old batteries.

This is the best you can do, Schwoz.

A poster and some belts.

My mother was killed by a double -A battery.

upsetting. And now.

Yes, my two friends being good little boys.

It's working.

Now hurry, go rescue Piper and Jasper. Right. Let's go.

First cohort, quick, come look at this. Look at what?

The quality of the picture on this television. Isn't it fabulous?

I guess.

Ah, I know. I bet it's one of those fork TVs.

Fork? Yes, very high resolution.

Fork.

Wait, uh, I think you mean 4K.

Okay. It's not.

a game we play here in the Mad Cave.

Yeah, it's called Little Girl Shush.

Shush! Little girl to see fun.

No more games.

Sorry.

So, what are you going to do now? Just go in there and get him?

No, that would be stupid.

You would never fit through the front door.

We're going to have to go on the back way.

All right, go.

Let's go.

No.

No way.

You did?

What happened?

Maurice just broke into the home for the elderly and stole all...

Now, what is it?

What do you want?

Well,

I was just curious.

Are you a nurse cohort like a couple?

Did you just laugh?

Yeah. I was just laughing at Captain Man and Kid Danger on the TV.

I don't see what's so funny about them.

So, have you and Nurse Cohort ever gone on a date?

Not an official date, but Nurse Cohort and I have one of those will

-they -won't -they relationships.

Yeah, not really.

What? Are you going to pretend that you don't have a little crush on me? I don't

have to pretend I don't have any kind of crush on you.

Well, why not?

I mean, is it me?

Yeah. Oh.

Oh, I see.

And who, pray tell, do you have a crush on?

Well... Captain Man!

Him!

Yeah, I think he's cute.

She's not wrong.

Oh, you shut up!

Why don't you say that to my face?

I just did.

Turn around.

Turn around.

Don't see that point of that.

Turn around and keep your head up.

Keep my head up.

president up through the roof and somewhere over the rainbow where

okay all right okay we'll drop them

Your palm. What do you mean?

Nice face palm.

Hey.

Hey, can I borrow that for a second?

Sure. Thank you.

Hey, Minyak. What?

No, no, no, no.

No, don't use my own heliometer. That's to me.

Why shouldn't I?

What's true on the nose?

Tell it to the bluebirds.

Over the rainbow.

Is anyone I know dead?