Original subtitles

* Xiaolin Showdown

* Xiaolin Showdown

what do you reckon we're learning?

Surely it is a lesson in humility...

For Raimundo.

Oh, ha ha. Unh!

Oh!

In order to be a team,

each must learn to trust the others fully.

And the blindfolds?

Sometimes what you think you see is merely a distraction.

Using only instinct, pass this lit torch

and trust that your teammates will not allow you to be burned.

Unh! Whoa! Hah!

Unh!

Teriyaki pork?

Unh!

Oh, dee-licious!

Yeow! Aah! Aah!

I-I'm sorry, Rai. I couldn't help it.

I smelled my favorite meal and--

every meal is your favorite meal, Clay.

Aah!

I can't believe your first loyalty is to a pork chop!

Aah! Hey, kids!

We got a 3-alarm Shen Gong Wu alert!

Ahh--ahh--mmm, pork chops.

Dojo, where exactly is this new Wu?

I can't believe we're back home in Texas!

Isn't she beautiful?

Kimiko: She is a big, flat, desert prairie.

Yeah, but the cactus all look like kin to me.

Dojo, better stash the Wu. We've got company.

Kimiko: What is it, Clay?

Motorcycles?

Not just motorcycles.

Black vipers.

Greetings, my friends. My name is--

aah!

Yipe! Watch it! I bruise easily.

Lava--whoa!

Aah!

Golden ti--huh?

I'll take that, half pint.

Yaah!

Ohh.

Clay, look out!

Aah! Unh!

Huh?

Raah!

Oh! Oh!

Nice move, cowboy, but too little, too late.

Oh! Not the hat! Whoa! Oof!

We're the black vipers, and you just been snaked.

Ok, I am so over the whole blindfold thing.

All: Whoa! Oof!

Well, well, what have we here?

Leapin' lizards! Clay?!

Um, do I know you?

Oh, well, now I'm hurt.

Don't you recognize your own sister?

All: Sister?!

Jesse?!

You never told us you had a sister.

Would you want people knowin'

you were related to a no-good varmint?

You think I'm a varmint?

Well, I think you'd sooner tip a cow than milk it.

Ooh! You never understood what it was like growing up

in the shadow of such a perfect older sibling.

Oh, not this ol' saw again.

Oh, you were the best at everything.

Choppin' wood...

Shoein' horses...

Chasin' pigs...

Ma and pa always thought you were the pick of the litter.

You chased pigs?

And whatever I wanted, you got!

Well, you know I only got things first 'cause I was the oldest.

And then when it came to going to monk school,

guess who they picked?

Who?

The big hero.

It was like I didn't even exist.

Now matter how much I tried, I could never beat him.

So instead of trying to be the best of the best,

you joined the vipers to be the best of the worst.

I'm the best--period!

Hey, I say we settle this right now like men. You and me!

Hey, I've done some things I'm not proud of,

but I'm not getting into a fist fight with my Baby sister.

You're just yellow 'cause you know I'll whip your butt!

Ohh, tsk tsk tsk.

Brother and sister should not be fighting.

Is there no warmth in your heart?

Hey, butt out, round boy!

Unh! Aah! Ohh!

So, what do you want to do with them?

I'll make you a deal.

If you scrap with me and win,

you and your monkey friends

are free to go look for your Shen Gong warts.

Win?

And if he loses?

Well, then...

Y'all gonna be buzzard bait!

Ha ha ha! Ha ha ha!

What do you say, big brother?

We gonna throw down or what?

You keep askin' me,

I'm gonna keep sayin' the same thing.

I'm not fighting you. Just ain't right.

Well, it looks like our uninvited guests

have decided on an extended stay

in the hospitality suite.

Why, thank you!

That sounds most inviting. Where do we go?

Omi, we're already in the hospitality suite.

Oh, I see.

Perhaps I am misunderstanding

the meaning of hospitality.

Or the meaning of sarcasm!

Ooh, darn this sarcasm!

It always seems to grab my goat.

Oh, come on, Clay! Just accept the challenge

and beat the tar out of your sister

so we can get out of here.

Nope. I'm sorry, but I can't hit a girl.

She doesn't even look like a girl.

She looks like you with lipstick.

Besides, I know another way out of here.

We've got a secret skeleton key.

Or dragon key.

Dojo!

Where have you been?

Laying low since things started getting ugly.

Oh! Unh!

Hey! Whoa!

Whew. She and her gang sure know their way around a knot.

Yeah, it's good to be free.

One small problem-- we're not.

Not to worry. I still have one Shen Gong Wu with me.

Changing Chopsticks!

Uh, a little help to the keyhole, please.

Raimundo: You sure you know what you're doing?

I do not have the slightest idea,

but that has never stopped me before.

Tornado strike--Water!

Hyah! Hyah! Hyah! Hyah!

Changing Chopsticks!

Way to go, Omi! Your first prison break!

A Xiaolin warrior is prepared for anything.

Omi: I see we have a clear coast.

Raimundo: Dojo, where's the rest of our Shen Gong Wu?

Don't worry. They're safe.

Dojo?

Shen Gong Wu!

That's what I was asking! Where'd you stash them?

No, not those Wu. The Wu we came here to find!

The sphere of yun!

It creates an invisible, impenetrable prison

around one's enemy.

It's also good when traveling in bad neighborhoods.

Speaking of bad neighborhoods,

maybe we should keep moving.

The Wu's scent is strong.

Or something. Heh heh.

All I know is it's right over here!

Ow!

Clay: You ok?

The Shen Gong Wu is ours!

Girl: Think again, short stack!

Gak!

Ha ha ha hoo hoo!

Well, I'll be a day-old biscuit.

You let us lead you right to it!

Maybe you ain't as slow as drippin' tar after all.

But you're still thicker than a cut of Texas prime rib.

Well, at least I ain't as slippery as goat drool on an oil slick!

Yeah, I'm not the one yellower than a slice

of auntie clarabelle's lemon silk custard pie.

Will you two please stop

abusing the english language?

But the pie does sound most delicious.

I got me a better idea.

See, I know enough about these Shen Gong warts--

Raimundo: Wu!

That if we both grab this here deal,

then you have to fight me, brother.

So, Clay, you ready to be a man

and lose to a girl?

Huh?

Jack Spicer!

That's right! Jack Spicer,

evil boy genius, is in the house!

Silk Spinner!

Aah! Aah!

Aah!

Jackbots, attack!

Whoa! That's it! I did it!

I can't believe it!

For once you are actually the victor.

It's about time!

I almost forgot what this feels like...

Which, by the way, is sweet!

Say, who are all these people?

We're the black vipers,

the most elite all-girl gang

that ever roamed these wild plains.

And since you have defeated us,

our law demands that you inherit leadership

of the black vipers.

Yes! I guess this makes me queen!

Huh? Huh?

King.

Anyway, sweet.

So let's see if I've got this straight--

Xiaolin dragons, defeated.

Shen Gong Wu, mine.

Outlaw cowchicks, bonus!

Between my jackbots and the black vipers,

there's no way I can lose.

Yes, it would seem that way,

but then again, if there is a way...

Yee-haw!

This calls for a hoedown victory dance!

Yee-haw! Huh-huh-huh!

Yee-haw! Yee-hee-hee!

So aren't you a pretty little thing.

You got a name?

Is a cow pen full of sod?

I like that. Though disrespectful,

it smacks of a deep-seated inner evil.

Keep it up, slick,

and I'll be introducing your butt to my boot.

Yet another girl falls prey

to the irresistible charms of Jack Spicer.

But he-- sarcasm.

Oh.

Oh, this Spicer fellow of yours,

he's about as appealing as a--

a pillowcase full of polecats? Ha ha ha!

Heh heh, yeah.

And what's with his girlie eyeliner?

Heh heh heh!

Oh, I know!

Hello! So not working. Heh heh heh!

Hey, I'm still in the room over here.

Oh, why don't you take your fancy hairdo...

Both: And jump into old man hickory's lake!

I can't believe it.

We actually do have something in common.

We both can't stomach Spicer.

What am I, invisible?

Come join us, Jesse,

and find out what real evil power is like.

Ooh, this would be a new low, even for you.

Grrr!

Ma'am, you have got yourself a deal.

Put it there.

Excellent! Yeah!

This is most discouraging.

I say we send these losers

where they can't cause any trouble.

Heh heh heh! Like a few thousand feet

below the Earth's crust?

No.

Loyalty issues?

No. I just want the fun

of burying the golden boy myself.

Golden Tiger Claws!

Aaah! Aaah!

Bye-bye, big bro!

Can you still hear me?

Ehh...Cozy.

Oh, this is my fault.

If I had just fought Jesse when I had the chance,

none of this would have happened.

Hey, but then we'd miss our chance

to suffocate in a hole together.

I will never again be so foolish

as to believe her.

Come on! This here's a jailbreak.

I knew I could believe you!

You have come to the side of goodness.

Well, let's say I had to pretend to be with 'em

so they'd trust me.

Sorry, but a raccoon don't change its stripes

just by crossing a dirt road.

Yeah. Why are you helping us?

I thought you hated your brother.

Well, I do, but he's still kin.

Besides, that Jack Spicer creep

gives me the prairie scaries.

I hear that, girl.

I don't know. I got a bad feeling about this.

Clay, she is telling the truth.

I am never wrong about these things.

Well, fine.

Let's just get the rest of our Wu

and get out of here.

If Wuya hasn't already found the stash.

No chance. I hid 'em so good

I may not be able to find 'em.

That came out wrong.

Ow! Oww! Oww!

Very clever, using the Changing Chopsticks

to shrink down our Wu and hide them in the cactus.

Yeah, but--oww!

Gettin' 'em back is-- ouch! Painful.

Changing Chopsticks!

Ah, the simplest traps

always bring the greatest pleasure.

Unh! Gah! Uhh!

Jesse, I trusted you. Why?

I made a little deal with Jack here

to regain leadership over my vipers.

Nice to have you back, boss.

All I had to do

was get you to lead them to your warts.

This is the most disappointing

event-turning since the last.

Is it possible you're going for "turn of events?"

Oh, it gets better.

Not only am I taking my gang back,

but I'm taking your warts, too.

They're my warts! You can't!

I tried to warn y'all,

once a varmint, always a varmint.

Jackbots, attack!

You're kidding me!

We work on our bikes all day, son.

You think we can't sabotage some tin cans

when you're not lookin'?

Man, I am never coming back to Texas!

That's right, slick.

Don't mess with Texas. Hoo hoo!

Uhh!

Oh, looks like if you want your warts,

you and me are gonna have a Xiaolin Showdown.

I accept.

Your Silk Spinner

against my Changing Chopsticks.

The game is demolition viper bike derby.

First to make it out in one piece wins.

Let's just get this over with.

Let's go Xiaolin Showdown!

Gong yi tan pai!

Jesse: The only thing better than ridin'...

Is flying!

Silk Spinner!

Whoaaaah!

Changing Chopsticks!

Whaaaah! Clay!

Jesse!

Aaaah!

Aaah aah aah aah!

I got you! Uhh!

Aaah--aah!

Hop on--unhh!

Don't mind if I do.

In your face, Clay!

Yee-haw!

Ha ha ha!

That was not a very honorable way to win.

Yee-haw!

Are you hurt?

Just my pride... and maybe where I sit.

The worst part is

I'd really thought she had changed.

I know.

But sometimes you are just too trusting.

Ha ha ha hee hee hee!

Ahem...

Clay: A--a package for me?

Who is it from?

Jesse: "Dear big brother,

"it took a while, but I finally did beat you,

"only it didn't feel as satisfying as I had imagined.

"Anyway, just so there's no hard feelings,

"I'm returning all your warts.

"Oh, except for one I was hopin' to borrow.

See you 'round! Your Baby sis, Jesse."

Omi: See? I knew she had changed her ways.

Kimiko: I wonder which Wu she kept.

Clay: I have a pretty good idea.

Wings of Tinabi!

Yee-haw!