Original subtitles

Man: Xiaolin Showdown.

All: Aah!

Xiaolin Showdown.

Today's exercise requires one to choose

complimentary Shen Gong Wu and work in unison

to fight a common foe.

I trust you are ready to demonstrate great focus.

On the count of 3.

3!

Uh...Ruby of ramses!

Uh--ow-- Sword of the Storm!

A Thorn of of thunderbolt!

Wu-shu helmet!

Uhhhhh-whoaaaaa!

Whhoa--uhh!

Whoa!

Aah! Uhh!

Oh!

Your choices were far from complimentary.

The dummy remains intact.

Yes, yes, I remain intact.

What?

Apprentices, you are too easily distracted.

Raimundo, fidgeting with your 3pm player.

Kimiko, doing your hair.

Clay, playing with your little cow.

And Omi, you with your bumble bee.

You must not let your mind wander.

But my mind was made to wonder.

How else can I ponder

the great mysteries of the universe?

Like how can bees fly

when their wings are too small to lift their bodies?

I said "wander," not "wonder."

Ah.

My rolling shield is complete.

Now to test it.

Jackbots!

Jackbots?

Megan, I told you not to touch my stuff.

Shh! You're interrupting our tea party.

Thank you, lady Megan.

Jack, we need to focus here.

Yuck! That ugly witch is back.

Do some tricks, ugly witch.

Like make yourself a little less ugly.

One more word out of your little cousin,

and I'll turn her unto a pig.

I hear you bark, little doggie,

now let's see you bite.

Aaaahhhh!

Yawn. Just as I thought, you can't do nothing...

Except look ugly!

Girls, girls. We have work to do.

Evil isn't gonna get done by itself.

Ah! Shen Gong Wu has revealed itself

on an island off of java.

The Mind Reader Conch.

Time to roll.

Whatever you say, Jack.

Whoa!

Oh! Oh! I got that itch.

We must be near the Shen Gong Wu...

Or poison oak.

Lower. Lower. Lower.

Sorry, Dojo.

I haven't much to earn you scratch.

After all, I am an apprentice.

Oh, yeah, baby!

Magic fingers!

Come on, crew, where's the wu?

The wu, as you call it,

is the Mind Reader Conch.

By holding it to your ear and aiming it,

you can hear the thoughts of others.

In Clay's case, I guess you just hear the ocean.

Ha ha ha.

It's...That-a way.

Take your time.

The lady dragons love a guy with a tan.

Uhh!

Ow! Ow!

Relax, fellow apprentices.

My keen instincts will lead us to the Mind Reader Conch.

Raimundo, thinking: Yeah, your instincts are keen, all right.

Except when it comes to haircuts.

You are all over the line, my friend!

Nevertheless, little pal,

you might wanna put on a hat.

I think the sun's been baking your potato too long.

Omi, thinking: That Raimundo thinks he's all this.

It's all that, Omi.

What's all what?

It's not all what, it's all that.

Of all people, you should know that it's all that.

Dagnard! You folks sound like you were kicked in the head by the family mule.

Kimiko, thinking: I wonder why boys are born without brains.

If I was born without a brain, little lady,

how come I'm the one who figured out this is the Mind Reader Conch?

Jack, thinking: Ha! Kimiko has the Mind Reader Conch.

It'll be easy to take it from her.

No upper-body strength.

We have unwanted company.

And I'll show you real upper-body strength.

Come on, Jack! You promised you'd let me drive!

I lied. I'm an evil boy genius, remember?

A promise is a promise.

Aah!

I need reinforcements.

Jackbots, attack!

Uhh!

Aah!

Uhh!

All: Dragon x-kumei formation!

Ruby of Ramses.

Thorn of thunderbolts!

All: Huh? Great teamwork...Not.

Sword of the Storm!

Wu-shu helmet!

Uhh!

Uhh!

Perfect.

Every scale is evenly greased with tanning oil.

Now all I gotta do is avoid the sand.

Huh?

Not good.

Hmmph.

This has Xiaolin apprentices written all over it.

All: Whoa!

Not bad for a 1,500-year-old dragon.

Do I hear a thank you for my brave and Valiant rescue?

All, uninterested: Good job. Way to go.

That's more like it.

Omi, thinking: Ugh! Enough out of you.

Kimiko, thinking: Oh, shut up!

Raimundo, thinking: Stupid dragon.

Clay, thinking: Put a dadgarn sock in it.

Hey! I heard that!

All: Sorry, Dojo.

Used wisely, the conch can prove a most valuable tool,

but until you learn to focus,

it is best that I lock it away in the temple vault.

We are very sorry, Master Fung.

In the future, we will do our best

to rise above our petty differences.

I'm with the little feller.

Me, too.

I'm with Omi, too.

Ah, yes. Togetherness.

Check out my latest super evil invention.

The molar 2000.

It'll let me drill into the Earth.

Or into the Xiaolin temple vault.

Uh, yeah, that, too.

Jackbots, to the temple!

Urgh!

Jackbots: Cinderella...

Megan! Stop playing with my toys--robots!

Forget about your robots!

She's got the juju flytrap.

Just get it back before she breaks it!

Just try and take it back.

Aaahhh! Juju flytrap!

Aah! Ow! Ow!

Some evil genius!

Outsmarted by a little girl.

Ow! Hey, Megan! Ow!

I have a new toy--ow!-- I think you're gonna love!

Ow! Oh! Oh!

Finally, Jack,

you've come up with something useful.

As long as I am here,

I will test my ability to use the conch wisely.

Ah.

Mind Reader Conch.

Raimundo, thinking: I'll just tell Omi that I went out to meditate.

He believes everything he's told.

People tell me all the time

that I don't believe everything I'm told...

And I believe them!

Oh, that Raimundo!

Mind Reader Conch.

Omi, thinking: I am still most uncertain

of Raimundo's trustworthiness.

Clay, thinking: I can't believe the way Kimiko threw a hissy fit today.

She gets angrier than a cat in a hot tub of Water.

Angry? Me?

I am not angry.

I'm the least angry person I know!

This place is colder than a hound dog's nose

after sniffin' in the fridge.

Mind Reader Conch.

Kimiko, thinking: If I hear one more lame-o down-home saying...

Aaahhhh!

Uhh!

Hyah!

Hyah!

My Dojo senses are tingling.

I'm feeling a strange rumbling.

Yeah, me, too.

Aah!

We must investigate. I will lead the way.

Why? Because you don't think anyone else can handle it?

No. It is only you who I have doubts in.

Omi, that's about as lowdown as a snake's bellybutton.

Snake's don't have bellybuttons!

Hey! Hey! There's someone in the temple vault!

Jack Spicer!

That was my old name.

From now on, I go by Jack Spicer, dark prince of the universe!

All: Aah!

We are most lucky that Master Fung

does not believe in corporal punishment.

Your infighting has cost us dearly,

but if you open your minds,

it can also bring you enlightenment.

By pointing out each other's shortcomings,

you help each other to improve and grow,

both individually and as a team.

So you're saying we should thank each other for the insults.

Thank you for insulting me, Raimundo.

I am most appreciative.

Oh, no. Thank you for humiliating me.

Hey, I reckon I owe you a big thank you

for making fun of the way I talk.

It's a pleasure.

And thank you for pointing out my many anger flaws.

Now go, young warriors, and fight together

using what you've learned from the conch against your enemies.

Hi. I'm Megan.

Oh. There's something you don't see every day.

A little girl in a hamster ball.

Are you looking for Jack Spicer and the ugly old hag?

My stupid cousin Jack

thinks he locked me inside that thing,

but I found the door.

Jack's cousin, we are not only looking for Jack.

We are also looking for--

all the cool stuff he's stolen?

I'll tell you where it is if I can play with your dragon.

He's yours.

What?! Don't I have a say in whether or--

all: No!

Do you know what I am thinking?

They might not, but I do.

You were thinking, "this is way too easy," and you were right.

Guardbots, attack!

Dragon x-kumei formation!

Both: Hyah!

Mind Reader Conch!

Whoa! Uhh!

More tea and biscuits, lady Dojo?

Sorry, Princess Megan,

but I fear my royal subjects are in need of assistance.

Please. Allow me to assist you with your assistance.

Guardbots, finish them!

Hey! Never tell my guardbots what to do!

Guardbots, finish them!

Aah!

Dojo: Hey--hey, slow it down, would you?

I'm gonna hurl here.

Aah!

You may have defeated my guardbots--

as usual.

But I still have the conch.

Mind Reader Conch.

Omi: I wonder if he's losing it.

Kimiko: Just need to get closer.

Clay: Darn near there.

Nice try, but no way.

Jack Spicer, I challenge you to a Xiaolin Showdown.

My silk spinner against your Mind Reader Conch

for this bag of Shen Gong Wu.

Fine, and the game is...

First to cry "uncle" loses.

Let's go! Xiaolin Showdown!

Both: Gong Yi Tampai!

Huh?

Mind Reader Conch!

Omi, thinking: I'll use this silk spinner,

then go up, flip backwards,

then sidestep, then chop.

Silk spinner! Hyah!

Hyah!

Hyah!

Silk spinner!

I know your every thought.

And I do not need a breath mint.

I have an idea.

If our petty insults can distract warriors

as disciplined as ourselves--

then just imagine what they'll do to a mama's boy like Jack.

Hey! Who you calling a mama's boy?

Kimiko: Huh. Maybe if he worked out once in a while,

he wouldn't look like a scrawny old lady.

Jack: I do not look like a scrawny old lady!

Uhh!

Uhhhhh!

Mind Reader Conch!

Clay, thinking: That Jack is slower than a 3-legged cow in quicksand.

Huh? What?!

I'm faster than any 3-legged cow.

Taste my boot!

Uhh!

Aah!

Omi, thinking: For someone who calls himself an evil genius,

Jack Spicer does not play with a deck of cards that have been properly counted.

That's playing with a full deck.

Aah! Aah!

Wuya, thinking: His stupidity

is about to cost you another victory.

It is not! Whose side are you on?!

Aah!

Aah!

Uncle! Uncle!

Kmiko: Way to go! Clay: Sweet butt kickin'!

No, it was you and your thoughts that did it.

I humbly thank all of you.

You loser!

Are you saying that or thinking that?

Aah!

Jack: Changing Chopsticks.

Out of my way, rodent.

Thank you, Jack's cousin Megan.

And?

And thank you, lady Dojo.

Omi: Thank you again, Megan.

Bye-bye!

Come back and play sometime.

Jack, I demand that you come out and play with me this instant!

It's time to play Megan says,

and Megan says, "scream like a sissy boy."

I don't think I know that game.

Jack! Aah!

Aah!

Hyah!

Uhh! Hyah!

Orb of tornami...

Water!

Hyah!

Sword of the Storm...

Wind!

Star Hanabi...Fire!

Fist of Tebigong...Earth!

Whoa--whoa--whoa!

Kimiko, that is most definitely

not part of practising your element.

Sword of the Storm!

When Master Fung finds out,

we are so going to fry for this.

Old proverb, what Master Fung does not know

will not hurt him.

And what does Master Fung not know?