Original subtitles

Nice to see you again, Miss. Well, thank you.

McCall's the name.

Ann McCall.

The Philadelphia McCalls.

I'm also a working girl, state department, Paris branch.

If I don't seem very excited, it's because this happens to be my 23rd sailing in 24 months.

The other time I flew.

Pardon.

One more and, uh, a little higher please.

-Miss, uh. -Brown, Miss Brown.

Brown,

Smith,

Jones.

What does it matter?

I am known by many names in many places.

My business on this ship concerns a certain American actor.

I have been order to lure this comedian to a most certain death.

So you see, so you see,

that is why I'm aboard.

Thank you.

Once more Mr. Hunter, show us that famous profile.

Give us your best side now.

They've been trying to find that for years.

I'm Bob Hunter.

Star of stage, screen,

television,

radio.

In fact some fellows have picked me up on their electric razors.

I'm going to Paris on a combination holiday and business trip.

Do you speak French Mr. Hunter?

Just enough to get my face slapped.

What's this rumor about you and Jane Mansfield?

It's lie, but keep spreading it.

Mr. Hunter, how come you're going all the way to Paris for a script?

I'd go to the south pole if I could find a penguin that could write.

And that's why you're going to Paris?

Yeah, that's why I'm going to Paris.

Battle stations, blonde at three o'clock.

Well, they pass the d'oeuvres early around here don't they?

And you wanted to go to Hawaii, you fool you.

I could have a pretty crazy evening just with this thing.

Oh, uh, pardon me.

Uh, mademoiselle, is this yours?

Vous?

Merci bien monsieur.

Oh, wait a minute, honey.

Sherri, that is.

Oui monsieur?

Voila.

I know that's clean, everybody says it.

You French girl, me American boy.

At least I got the sexes right.

Good neighbor policy?

You know, uh, we make beautiful music together.

No?

Wonder what's French for beautiful music?

But I'm afraid I don't play duets Mr Hunter.

Hey, you're American. You know my name.

Everybody knows your name.

My brother, for instance, he's a great fan of yours.

Yeah?

He's almost seven.

Now if you'll excuse me.

-Passenger list monsieur. -Passenger lists?

A little late, I've already done my shopping.

If this gets out, I'm ruined.

He's French, you know.

Mr. Fernydel understands that you are truly one of America's great comedians.

Why should I argue, maybe he's right.

Mr. Fernydel wants to know how long you've been working on this boat.

Working on the boat?

Are you kidding? I'm a passenger, first class.

It's deductible.

Then why are you wearing makeup?

Makeup? This is just me, my natural charm oozing.

No makeup?

Extraordinary.

And that comes straight from the horse's mouth.

Horse's mouth?

Bye, bye, Bobby.

Miss McCall.

Pardon me.

Merci monsieur.

That's alright, if you ever go to Canada, you can spend it.

Hello Bobby.

Well, well.

It certainly is a small boat isn't it?

How are you?

-How do you do? -Is that Miss or Mrs?

Miss.

Just taking a survey.

What?

He wants to know if you're traveling alone.

Yes, but I'm not going to be stubborn about it.

Mr. Hunter, that's very funny.

Don't laugh, it may start a trend.

Now I can see why you'd appeal to my little brother.

Your brother's got good taste, especially in big sisters.

One of them has me flipping.

Flipping?

Yeah you know, blow your top, snap your lid, pop your gourd.

Flipping.

Now if you'll excuse me.

Oh, don't leave yet.

Ferny and I have a lot to talk about. Maybe you can help us translate?

Where are you going?

Ask him if he knows Serge Vitry.

He wants to know if you're going to see Vitry.

It made every paper from coast to coast. I've got this new play sewed up.

He wants to know if it's a good part.

Good part? It's sensational!

For me, that is.

Tailor made. It's practically in my hip pocket.

Thank you.

American?

Right.

French.

Class.

American.

Goodnight Mr. Hunter. I've enjoyed chatting with you.

Hey, you know, that's the first nice thing you've said about me.

Oh, I didn't wanna interrupt you. You've been saying so many nice things about yourself.

Oh and brains too, not that you need any added accessories.

I'll settle for the factory job.

This your first trip to Paris?

My 24th.

No?

What do you do, run over every weekend and borrow a cup of perfume?

No, I work for the American embassy.

How about that.

I just knew you were on our side.

Say what do you say we, uh...

I would think of it.

Goodnight Mr. Hunter.

Oh well.

Everybody said it wouldn't last.

Good evening.

Oh, good evening.

May I trouble you for a cigarette monsieur?

Oh, a cigarette? Certainly.

Merci.

And a match please?

A match? Yeah, I have one.

Allow me.

If we get any closer we won't need the lighter.

You're so kind.

Oh, Miss. You forgot your...

No time for your problems dad, I lost the key to my room.

Key?

Key. To open the door.

No, no, no.

Stop acting like a French house detective.

That's my room.

No, no. Not the keyhole, the key.

The key that unlocks the door, you know.

Oh, I'm glad you told me, I usually use it for brushing my teeth.

All I want you to know is I lost my key and I can't get into my room.

My first gray hair.

I should have it bronzed.

Mice?

Must have gone over a bump.

Nervous boat.

Yeah, Ferny.

Casanova.

Must be a gland condition.

Operator.

I'm ready for my call to Paris now.

-Hello. -Andre?

This is Zara.

Good evening.

I trust you have good news.

It is not in his room.

It must be there.

But I searched.

Search again.

Alright.

I'll try again.

You have three days left.

Don't worry.

Goodbye.

He said what a night for romance.

I thought you didn't speak French.

Well, it was just a lucky guess. My second choice was "dig that crazy moon".

Hey, do you think we can both squeeze into one deck chair?

I doubt it.

Only one.

He said it's a chilly night and I ought to keep you warm.

He said, "the deckchairs are now available".

That's even better.

Excuse me.

What's the cover charge?

That's what I love about the French.

No wonder there are 50 million of them.

-You know... -Yes?

Be my guest.

I was just thinking, too bad it's your last night.

All that moonlight gone to waste.

Yeah, and it's so free.

Gee, I hope it's being taken advantage of somewhere.

You know it's the mating season for shellfish?

Maybe the lobsters are having a hayride tonight.

Any wasted moonlight is your own fault.

You should have been more persistent.

Persistent?

I don't know how a guy could stick closer to a gal without getting married or arrested.

You know, Mr. Hunter, from what I've heard, you don't really have time for me anyway.

Oh, well don't hint, hit me.

That, uh, heiress from Houston?

Well that's a little something my press agent dreamed up.

And the beautiful play-girl from South America?

He dreamed that one up to.

How about the Italian actress?

Once in a while, I get an idea of my own.

Look I'm not trying to hide anything.

I've been going out with girls ever since I found out which ones they were.

Now Bob, aren't you being a little obvious?

Don't be a fool, if I hired them, they would be blindfolded.

Ferny really went for broke didn't he?

There ought to be a law against violin music and moonlight.

They do things to a girl.

Yeah, and then those things do things to a guy.

Great night for things, isn't it?

The French are so wonderfully impulsive.

They don't ask for a kiss, they do whatever they wish.

No wonder we have to send them money, nobody's showing up at the office.

Funny, I can't ever remember a trip that went so fast.

If I'd known it was going to be like this, I would have dragged my foot.

It's worth a try.

Maybe when we get to La Havre, the captain won't be able to find a place to park.

What time in the morning do we arrive in La Havre?

Thank you.

All fine. Let's all go in my room and have a drink, huh?

Oh, I forgot he doesn't like instant wine?

I think he wants to talk to you privately. I'll see you later.

OK honey.

You're trying to tell me something.

Well, why didn't you say so. You want a bottle of Coke.

Bottle of Coke.

Bottle of Coke.

Bottle of...

Bottle of Coke.

Real gone, out of this world.

You see bottle of Coke?

Bottle of Coke.

Excuse me.

My bottle of Coke.

Well, what are you doing here?

It should be obvious.

Oh, if you want your lighter back, here.

I even had it filled.

I didn't come for my lighter.

There's no charge at all. I just...

I came to tell you, shut the door.

Huh, I did.

Yeah, I'd better go check my dictionary, I don't...

Darling.

I don't dig that without my dictionary, I just...

You don't need a dictionary.

I can translate quite well.

I adore you.

I love you.

I'm starved for your kisses.

I'm famished for your love.

Look, you don't want me. You want the diners club.

Look, I've got a good idea, why don't you go to your room and...

Boy I'm never going to split a soda with you.

This is room service, I don't need a thing.

My landing papers?

How'd you know I took off?

Oh, my landing papers. Yeah, I'll be there.

Oh, we'll be there.

McCall and I are practically on our way.

Well?

Now look honey.

Ann.

Miss McCall, that's a lie.

I can explain the whole thing. You see, I walked in and she was sitting there and then I...

Wait.

Well, let me put it this way, you'll never believe what happened. Never!

Is that why you had it notarized?

Hey, what lay out this is, huh?

I gotta buy a lot here, this might catch on.

Whew, what a modern city.

Hey, that's the biggest television antenna I've ever seen.

Eiffel Tower.

Oh, Eiffel Tower.

When did they strike oil?

I gotta get some postcards and send them home about this.

Postcards?

I mean something for the kiddies.

Hey, what a town this is.

Ah, merci beaucoup for the ride.

A little tight around the waist, but I enjoyed it.

It's been kicks.

Real mad crazy.

Yes sir, you're a cat.

I'd invite you up, but I imagine you're little boy is anxious to get his car back, huh?

Hey I've got another bag.

Well, where...

OK, I give up, where do you wind it?

Your bag, huh?

What is this?

Souvenir.

Souvenir?

Souvenir.

You forgot the rugs.

Don't forget dad, we got a date tonight.

What?

You and me.

Joltsville tonight, we're going to tap it.

Cocktail? Yeah the grape.

Yes.

Yes, yes.

Check. 6 o'clock Maxine. I'll see you.

Yes.

Better hurry, before he buries it.

Welcome back mademoiselle.

Did you enjoy yourself in America?

I always enjoy myself.

Good.

My key please.

And send them to Ann McCall, American embassy.

Oh, and make it 3 dozen.

They got work to do.

Get in there and fight, you dolls.

Thirty five hundred Francs monsieur.

Will you charge that to my room? Thank you.

I am sure you will find this suite most comfortable monsieur.

Thank you.

Just one little pad to rest my weary.

Mmm. My sin.

I beg your pardon.

Oh, the perfume, not her.

Good morning Mr. Hunter.

Small world, isn't it?

Yes, it is diminutive.

You had a pleasant journey mademoiselle?

Yes. Thank you.

Yes.

Zara, I'm at the hotel.

Well?

Did you find it?

Your information was wrong.

She did not have the manuscript.

But there are 6 copies of the play.

Where is the missing one?

Good question.

Unfortunately, I have no answer.

Hello, hello. This is Bob Hunter.

Just a moment.

Vitry.

Serge Vitry.

No operator, I don't have the number.

He's just placing a call to Vitry.

Hello, yeah, I've got an operator.

Hello, this is Bob Hunter.

That's right, Hunter.

H u n t e r.

Look I just got in from America. Will you please tell them it's Serge Vitry.

America.

A m e r...

Well, just tell them I'll be out in an hour, will you?

Don't dig, huh?

Hey general.

Delmar, that's where I want to go.

You sure you know where I'm going?

If I'm not back in three days, call the red cross, will you?

Hello?

Hello!

Hello!

Hello!

You sure this is the place?

Should have brought my library card.

Wait for me, I'll be out in a few minutes.

Wait for me. You gotta take me back.

Crap.

Yeah, the international language, greed.

-One moment sir. -Alright.

Pardon?

Pardon? Oh.

Pardon me.

With your very kind permission, perhaps you will allow me to practice a little English.

-I'd better go back and practice. -Thank you. Won't you sit down?

Ah, fine.

Thanks. You get all my letters?

I certainly did, and the reason for which I did not answer, was because of the need of utmost secrecy.

Pardon, will you desire tea Mr. Vitry?

Every day at 4, promptly.

I will remember.

Do so.

New man, his first day here. Excuse me.

This morning, would you believe it,

my Butler disappeared after 20 years faithful service.

Poof.

-Poof? -Into thin air.

If you're going to poof, I guess that's the place to do it.

I am very much afraid that you have come a long distance in vain monsieur.

My new play is not for sale.

It is my intention to produce it myself.

Oh, well what about the American rights?

Name a price, any price.

Why are you so anxious to produce this play you have not even read?

Oh, I don't have to read it. I've seen most of your comedies.

-But this is not a comedy. -I'll never forget that scene where...

This is not a comedy?

A serious drama.

Quite serious.

This time, rather than to amuse,

it has been my intention,

to shock,

to electrify!

Oh, that sounds big and powerful.

It is indeed.

Well, it may still be right for me. After all, my acting has a certain quality, a certain flavor.

Lemon?

Critic.

Yeah thanks.

Lemon, monsieur?

Uh, we will serve ourselves. You may leave us.

You may leave us.

Excuse me.

Oh, about your play, have you picked a leading man yet?

No one yet.

But there is one thing I can tell you,

whoever acts this part,

that actor will find himself one day,

among the immortals of the theater.

The immortals of the theater.

Edwin booth,

John Barrymore,

Elvis Presley.

He must be a man of many moods, this gifted actor, yes?

It will take a great actor, to play this part.

Well, I can do it.

How about it? Yes or no?

Monsieur, they are giving in your country prizes. I believe the word is called,

Oscars for acting.

How many have you won?

Just yes, or no. Don't turn nasty on me.

Stranger things have happened, I suppose.

No, let me read for the part, and if I'm not right for it, there would be no hard feelings.

I'll just kill myself, that's all.

You are so polite.

Agreed, you may read my play.

I will write here the address of a Mr. Higgins,

who is just now finishing the English translation.

I will instruct him to lend it to you.

18 Rue San Martin.

Correct. You may pick it up in the morning.

but let me warn you, when you read this play,

however incredible the melodrama may appear,

remember one thing.

Each incident,

every single detail,

is completely true.

Completely based on documented fact, with proof.

-Every single character is based on... -Sorry to interrupt Mr. Vitry.

A most urgent telephone call.

I believe the gentleman's name is Higgins.

Ah, yes. Excuse me please, I will be right back.

Gee.

Robert Hunter,

an immortal in the theater.

My bust in the hall of fame.

My biography in the Encyclopedia Britannica.

A sandwich in my name at the Brown Derby,

the Robert Hunter special.

Cream cheese and salami on breadsticks.

I'll do all the big parts.

Hollywood will come crawling.

I'll have so many Oscars I'll use them for door knobs.

Young actors will come to me for advice and I'll say,

Marlin, to be a great actor, you have to have it, here.

Here Marlon, here.

If you ever need any help, come and see me, because

I've got it here.

Right here.

Monsieur Hunter. Huh?

Oh, huh huh huh.

Must have been the cheese I had for lunch. I thought it looked blue.

Monsieur Vitry presents his apologies and hopes you will excuse him.

He will be occupied on the telephone for some time.

Oh, but he told me to wait here.

Good day sir.

Yeah, but I don't understand.

He said he'd be right back.

Wait a minute.

That's my trunk.

Excuse me monsieur.

No, mine.

Mine.

Mine.

Mr. Hunter?

Yeah I know, but where's he going with my trunk?

We took the liberty.

We knew you would wish your luggage at the airport, as soon as possible, and...

Wait a minute. At the airport?

You will have to hurry, your flight is leaving in 40 minutes.

My flight? I'm not going anywhere.

But the concierge has arranged a nonstop flight directly to new York.

What's new York? Who's going to new York?

You are monsieur, and...

We are indeed very sorry to be losing such an important guest.

Now hold on, you're not losing your guest. You're losing your marbles brother.

I'm not going anyplace.

But the men from the foreign office informed us.

That's the trouble with the foreign office, there's too many foreigners.

Tell them to get that back in my room, will you please?

But you have no room, it was rented.

I have... Well it's going to be pretty crowded.

Come on follow me.

Alright tell him; your native tongue. Come, come.

Back, back.

Alright, drop that right there.

Hey, down!

Down.

Alright.

Stop packing.

Nobody's moving see. I know my rights.

Outside.

Here.

Grease the boys for me.

Very good in Hong Kong.

Allow me to introduce myself,

Marcel. Bureau of affairs.

You are a monsieur Hunter?

That's me, Hunter.

Your passport, please.

Look, I don't know what this is all about, but this is my room and...

One moment.

Hmm...

Huh, now I see what the commissioner meant.

This is not good Mr. Hunter.

Not good at all.

If you mean my picture with a sneaky expression and the shifty eyes...

All passport photos look like that.

Most irregular.

Well, you're no Rock Hudson.

I'm afraid we have a serious matter.

Your landing papers have certain discrepancies.

Landing papers? All I did was sign them like...

You must leave France, at once.

Yeah, but I can't go back home, people might talk.

What could you get thrown out of France for?

I'm sorry, I don't make the rules.

-Good Day monsieur. -Hey, wait a minute.

Wait, don't go away.

You're not fooling with kids you know.

I'm an important man around here. I'm a tourist.

And I know my rights.

Hello. Get me the American embassy.

Oui, monsieur.

-The American embassy. -Right.

Landing papers.

Did we ask Lafayette for landing papers?

Good afternoon. American Embassy.

Oh, uh, yeah.

Hello, uh, Ann McCall please.

Miss McCall has just returned to her office.

I'll put you through now.

Miss McCall speaking.

Oh, hello, Ann.

Look this is B...

Hello.

Hello.

Hello, Hello.

Hey, hello.

Mr. Hunter, the castanets absolutely necessary?

Look, Ann honey, don't hang up on me.

I'm speaking as an American citizen on official business.

Ann, honey, that sounds official.

What can I do for you citizen?

Well, I'm in big trouble.

The French government's trying to give me the heave-ho, the brush.

They're treating me like I was the premier.

Are you serious?

Serious.

Fellow told me today my landing papers are out of order and I have to be out of the country today.

But that's ridiculous.

Ridiculous? I'll say it is. Nobody's getting rid of me!

I'm staying. This Vitry deal is coming to a boil.

OK then, it's all settled.

On strictly official business, you're meeting me...

At my office.

Right, I'll pick you up there and then we go on to Maxine. 6 o'clock, check?

I'll be waiting Mr. Hunter.

OK Ann.

And this had better not be a hoax, because if it is...

Speaking to me, Miss McCall?

Oh, no dear.

Would you get me the French foreign office please?

Yes, Miss McCall.

Boy...

I could have been in there.

Oh, Bobby.

There's Ferny.

-Hello. -Ferny.

Boy have I got talk for you.

Garçon.

The scotch. Oui, monsieur.

What's that about Serge Vitry?

Ferny sounds worried.

He thinks it might be wise to forget about the whole thing.

You want me to forget the whole thing and go home?

Oui, oui. Go home.

Oh, you want me to get in the big bird and fly back to America, right away?

Oui, oui. America, immediately.

No kidding.

How much this set you back old buddy?

What?

What do you want the part for yourself?

Oh, once an actor, always an actor.

I believe him.

This was no practical joke.

All right then, but who?

Garçon.

Where are we going?

You're taking me home and I'm going to talk to you like a Dutch uncle.

Alright, but you'll never pass the physical.

Once around the world, slow, and break the rear-view mirror. You're too young.

-Goodbye Bobby. -Goodbye, Ferny.

Thanks for pulling the shade.

Boy, a walk like this could bring back bachelors.

How do you get your mail up here, by Sputnik?

I didn't like it.

The little man from the foreign office, the elevator accident, the airplane ticket.

I just don't like it.

I like it fine.

It can't be coincidences, not all of them.

And that very very blond with the very smearing lipstick,

I'm beginning to believe your story about her too.

Oh, now we're getting someplace.

Say, is it greenish-blue or bluish-green? I can't make up my mind.

For some reason some... What?

You're eyes...

Bob Hunter, you haven't heard one word I've said.

What are you talking about? I've memorized every gorgeous syllable.

Alright, what'd I say?

Well, you said that I should forget about the Vitry play.

And...

And I shouldn't go to 18 Rue San Martin tomorrow to pick up the manuscript.

And...

And right now you want me to come in and have a little chat by the fire.

-Okay? -Sorry, I don't have a fireplace.

I can't think of anything we need less.

Goodnight, Mr. Hunter.

You mean I can't come in?

Kid brother's not going to like this, you know.

May I remind you, we've been up since 5 o'clock this morning.

Thanks for a wonderful evening.

And Bob, be careful.

I think you're in danger.

So do I, and I think it's wonderful.

Hey.

-You mean it, you are worried about me. -Um hum.

As an embassy official, of course.

We worry about all our citizens over here.

Goodnight darling.

I'll never complain about taxes again.

OK driver, take me back to earth.

Observe the view monsieur.

Extraordinary.

All of Paris at your feet.

Please, no commercials.

Hey driver, you don't have to go so fast.

I said, You don't have to go so fast!

Hey, you...

Hey!

What a time to go on strike.

Wish I had another arm.

I'm not paying for this ride.

This is the way they drive in California.

Good morning Mr. Hunter.

What's new?

Hey, welcome to the Bastille Hilton.

Where have you been? I've gotta get out of here.

See that guy?

Chopped his best friend up into little pieces over a 5 frank gambling debt,

and I'm on a winning streak.

Hey, Ferny.

Bobby!

What do you got in there, a lawyer?

Goodies.

Did you bring a paper hat?

Hold it. You've got enough here for lifer!

I just nudged a cafe, I'll be outta here in ten minutes.

Have you seen the morning papers?

I wanted down to get down to the corner for one, but they're terribly square around here.

What do you know, I made the front page.

And my best pose.

It's not the picture, it's the story.

Serge Vitry.

Murdered.

American actor held for questioning.

You were the last person to see him alive.

You got any long-playing records?

Sorry to have disturbed you, Mr. ambassador.

Commissaire McCall knew you'd wish to give this matter your personal attention.

I do indeed.

I'm only sorry that I was tied up all day.

And you say these men are still at large?

They are.

Our strongest weapon is that they believe Mr. Hunter is aware of their identities.

Naturally they try to eliminate him.

When they do...

Enter.

-Ah, monsieur. -Bob.

Ann.

Ferny.

Inspector Dupont.

Delighted to make your acquaintance.

Likewise.

If you're the head man around here, Ferny has the bail for me.

There's no question of bail monsieur.

Actually, you've never been under arrest.

Really?

All those bars on the patio had me fooled.

Bob, I'd like you to meet Mr. Snowden, the American ambassador.

Mr. Bob Hunter.

-Mr. Ambassador. -Mr. Fernydel.

Boy am I glad to see you.

All I know about this is that yesterday I met a nice guy named Serge Vitry and today he's dead.

And he almost had a partner.

Shall we sit down?

Mr. Hunter.

Did Mr. Vitry discuss his new play with you?

The plot, the characters?

Oh no.

What's this all about?

Mr. Hunter.

You have become involved in an extremely grave situation, which menaces us all.

You must understand that this is conjecture.

But conjecture based on facts.

A few years ago the people of Europe were victimized by a group of fantastic proportions.

1, 2, 3. Go.

In 1945, Mr. Hunter, millions of counterfeit banknotes flooded France,

endangering the entire European economy.

Here is one that was passed.

As you can see, these notes were so perfectly reproduced,

they could only be the work of a superlative Criminal organization.

Nice try.

Then, Mr. Hunter, after almost wrecking the economy of the continent,

the deluge of counterfeit ceased.

And the organization,

now rich and powerful, they proceeded to rise to positions of power,

which we believe, they still occupy.

Well, how does Vitry fit into this?

When some way he found out about the organization,

He decided to expose them and

wrote a play in which the characters were living people.

So, they killed him.

They destroyed his files his notes and every single copy of his play.

These men are everywhere.

The butter, who was not a Butler.

The taxi driver who was not a taxi driver.

The man from the foreign office who, well, the pattern is endless.

No one can be taken at face value.

Am I really an inspector of the French police?

Is he actually the ambassador?

Yeah, and maybe I'm head of the Russian secret police.

Why haven't I seen you at the meetings lately, comrade?

Just checking.

Do not underrate these men, Mr Hunter.

They are ruthless and fantastically clever.

To bring them to justice, we will need the help of a man who is their match in every way.

He must be as cunning as a fox,

and yet have the strengths of a thousand elephants.

He must have the charm of a Don Juan,

and yet be as ruthless and ready to kill as a black panther.

He must have the grim determination of a bulldog.

And yet be ready to strike with the speed and deadliness of cobra.

Ssstt, Ssstt.

Mr. Hunter, there's little time to spare.

Observe this banknote.

Just like the other one.

Not quite.

That one was found a week ago on the body of a dead sailor in Marseille.

And the ink was still damp.

You mean they've started all over again?

Exactly.

And in this inflationary period, Mr. Hunter,

another such flood of banknotes would mean economic chaos for Europe.

Is that clear to you?

Well sort of, except where do I fit in?

You have seen these men.

They have seen you,

and they believe Vitry told you all.

You are the wedge that will open the oyster.

Yeah, but they didn't destroy every manuscript. A fellow named Higgins has one.

Mr. Higgins, this morning, was suddenly, taken dead.

Mr. Hunter, on behalf of the French government,

and with the wholehearted consent of the United States,

we are asking you to remain in France until these criminals have been brought to justice.

Oh no, wait a minute, they tried to kill me twice. The next time they might get lucky.

It's a chance we'll have to take.

That's all.

You'll be the bravest guys at the funeral, but not my funeral.

Come on Ann.

Mr. Hunter.

Until this organization is exposed, many people will be in danger.

Many people, including miss McCall.

Oh, what a sneaky way to make me a hero.

Congratulations Mr. Hunter.

He insists on driving us home.

Oh, thanks Ferny.

But just in case, you'd better look for another oyster opener.

-Goodnight. -Goodnight.

Goodnight.

Ferny says not to worry Bob.

When you get nervous, you begin to imagine things.

Yeah, like right now I imagine there's a car trailing us.

Funny thing, imagination.

Hey, that imaginary car just took the same imaginary corner we did.

Hey...

Crazy, no?

Yeah, real crazy dad.

What's the matter?

I think we're out of gas.

Don't tell Ferny, he's driving.

Oh, they've gone.

Talk about close shaves.

Here they come back with the hot towels.

Let's go.

Come on.

Pop.

He said, "let's get out of here".

Don't bother to translate. Come on.

Reminds me, I gotta write my agent.

Anything, anything at all.

I just want to get out of France.

I may even fly without a plane.

We've arranged a private plane with a connecting flight to Los Angeles.

Private plane to Copenhagen and a direct flight to Los Angeles?

I'll take it.

You'll have to be at the airfield at 5 sharp.

Airfield at 5 o'clock.

Fine, I can't thank you enough for taking care of me this way.

-Hello. -Zara?

You know the plan?

I take care of it.

My car is waiting downstairs.

Right.

How long will it take to get there?

Half an hour.

You'd better hurry. Can I help you in any way?

Ah, yes. Have you got a piece of paper?

Oui monsieur.

I want to send a telegram to Miss Ann McCall of the American embassy.

Ann, darling, I love you. That's why I'm going away,

so we can both be alive for the wedding.

Just sign that "Bob".

Send that like a good man, will you?

I'll call the elevator.

No, no thanks. I'll walk.

That thing takes you too seriously when you say "down".

Ah, Mr. Hunter.

Oh, it's you again. Again.

I'm so sorry to hear that you're leaving.

I'm going to miss you.

Yeah, and I'm gonna miss you too.

Mr. Hunter.

You probably think I'm strange,

to have first blown Hot, and then cold.

Well, it wouldn't hurt to have your thermostat checked.

You are so charming.

What airport are you leaving from?

That's right next to Gombay where I'm delivering these flowers to a sick friend.

Hey, taxi please.

Try and get one with a driver.

I would be delighted to drop you off.

Oh, thank you very much but I...

Hey, wait a minute, that's my luggage!

And my car.

You see, the fates have overruled you.

-You're going to drive? -Yes.

I'd like to stop and get some flight insurance.

Hold on.

The chateau we just passed, it might interest you to know that in 1827...

Look, thanks for the guided tour, but let's talk about the local scenery.

I'm afraid you chose a rather boring subject.

Bore me.

Start from the beginning, huh.

Very well.

To begin with, I am a woman.

That I figured out for myself.

OK, your life story, capsule edition.

My life story? Very dull.

That is till 1949, when I became an assistant to a poor, but honest, jewel thief.

Funny, and then?

I left him in 1950 for a partnership with a

gentleman who sold military secrets.

That didn't last very long.

Hmm. 1950, a very bad year for military secrets.

And then?

-In '51... -I know.

You teamed up with a gang of international smugglers.

No, that was the following year.

In '51 I became a driver for a group of Balkan gun runners.

Always one jump ahead of the police.

The way you took that last curve, you'd think they were still after you.

What's your next assignment?

To kill you.

That sounds reasonable, everybody else has had a crack at it.

How you plan to go about it?

Perhaps I have not decided yet.

Well let me know when you make up your mind, I gotta catch a plane.

Oh.

Monsieur Fernydel.

Very good.

I will only be a few moments.

Make yourself comfortable.

Or maybe I better grab a cab.

If I miss that plane I...

Hey, wait a minute. Those are my bags!

Hey, hold it!

-Well what did you do that for? -Don't worry.

-They will put them safely aboard a plane. -The plane? But you said this was a hospital.

You're quite right.

The airport is just beyond. You see?

During the war this was a military hospital.

If you will excuse me.

Wish I was trusting her with something besides me.

Heigh-ho, Silver.

Perhaps we need not trick your husband into signing the commitment papers.

He seems quite normal today.

Oh, that's only on the surface doctor.

Poor Robert.

He thinks he's here to board a plane that we carry him to safety.

Typical flight syndrome.

Safety from whom?

From an organization or master criminal.

He believes they wish to kill him.

Paranoia.

Possibly schizoid.

You understand madame, this may take time to cure.

I'm prepared to wait.

And no publicity doctor. It's very important.

After all... His profession.

No publicity, rest assured.

We have many actors here.

Especially since television.

Now then, if you'll excuse me, I'll go speak to your husband.

Oh doctor, there's one more thing.

He refuses to believe I'm his wife.

Poor soul, he's in a worse condition than I realized.

Please wait in there.

I believe you are awaiting the departure of your plane Mr. Hunter.

To Baghdad, was it?

Baghdad?

No Copenhagen.

Oh yes, yes, yes, yes.

Magic carpets are not what they used to be.

If you will come with me, there are several documents to be signed.

You work here at the airport?

I am the headman, so to speak.

About this desire to go to Copenhagen,

did it come on you suddenly? Hmm?

Did it have to be Copenhagen?

Copenhagen, Baghdad, Barcelona.

All I know is, I want to get out of France, and fast.

There's this mob, see?

-An organization of master criminals. -Yes.

And if you knew what they put me through since I hit this town.

I would love to hear.

Landing papers for Denmark.

-On the dotted line, please. -First they rig an elevator crash.

Health certificate.

Then there's this taxi, without a driver, mind you.

Exit permit.

Then last night, in order to hide from them, I had to change places with the guy at the guillotine.

Permit to use the exit permit.

What saved me was the gunshots. I escaped while they were blasting him.

Louis the sixteenth.

You saw Louis the sixteenth blasted?

Oh, he didn't mind, he had his fingers in his ears.

Yes.

Yes, yes, to be sure.

The taxi without a driver was chasing Louis the sixteenth?

No, no, I was in the taxi.

Oh yes, I understand. You and the Emperor were out for the evening.

Look, I'll give it to you again.

You see the taxi had nothing to do with the Emperor. It was the guillotine.

Oh, thank you.

You see, I was in the taxi myself... What is this, a flying suit?

Yeah.

Hey, wait a minute. This is a little tight.

Hey.

Where'd you guys come from?

Hey, what the...

Do you take messages?

You do?

Be right there.

Go, and don't stop for any badminton games.

Hurry!

Go!

You double-crossing little stool-pigeon.

One can never tell about room-mates I suppose.

And you're positive there wasn't a script around anywhere?

No. The police took everything.

And you didn't see the men who did it?

How could I? I was at the post office.

When I came back to tell Arthur I'd mailed his package...

-You mailed a package for him? -Uh huh.

How big?

This size.

To whom was it sent?

To his brother, Murdoch Higgins.

Murdoch Higgins.

Were?

What address?

Can you remember? It's very important.

Haven't the vaguest idea.

Though it seems to me that he works as a caretaker in some church or monastery.

Perhaps the archbishop's office can help you.

Thank you. Thank you very much sir.

Your move.

Oh yeah.

Look, why don't you get another partner? You're too good for me.

Your move, sir.

Gin.

Okay, don't set there. Deal the checkers.

Oh, what a system you got.

Never played the Matawan method before.

Do you smoke the regular cigarettes, or do you roll your own?

Come on, will you.

Clumsy.

Oh.

Oh, I was just under there developing some pictures.

You know what I mean.

Oh, good morning father.

Thank you interns.

Will you hold my balloons?

I'm not doing anything.

-The man with the pin is after me. -Really?

Don't go away.

No, I won't go.

This isn't my regular racket, you know.

I'm sure he is better now.

-Bob. -Ann, honey.

Check please, will you?

Ah, I feel better already.

Oh darling, I've been so worried.

You don't know what a nightmare this has been.

For me too.

You've gotta get me outta here right away. This is whack canyon.

See what I mean?

And he's going home tomorrow.

Well, darling, it's all arranged.

Arranged?

Well, I'll pack.

So long everybody, it's been grand. I'll recommend this place to Duncan Hines.

But Bob you won't be released until after the trial.

You got here just in time.

I signed up for the checker tournament this morning.

Trial?

What trial?

What are you talking about?

That's the way things are here.

According to law, they must hold a sanity hearing.

That's ridiculous, I'm as sane as anybody in this room.

Darling, stop worrying.

It's just a simple formality and I'll take care of all the arrangements.

You can depend on me.

Sanity trial?

Miss McCall.

Yes.

Murdoch Higgins.

Oh, Mr. Higgins, thank you so much for coming.

Do you have the manuscript with you?

With me? No.

I didn't sleep a wink last night, just thinking about it.

But you do know where it is?

Of course I know where it is.

And I agree with you. The police ought to have it.

You'll find it here.

In the canon that faces north, in the chapel court.

The canon that faces north.

I've got to go now.

And no more calls.

Ferny, the manuscript.

Your honor.

Counsel for the defense.

As a representative of the American embassy, I speak for Mr. Hunter.

We would like to request that the proceedings be conducted, as far as possible, in English.

I so order it.

Doctor Bernais here, present,

has kindly accepted,

to act as psychiatric consultant.

Your first witness monsieur.

I would like to call as a first witness a respected citizen of France,

and a man well acquainted with the defendant.

Monsieur Fernydel.

-Monsieur Fernydel. -You, me, ask. I, you, answer.

Ah, do you know the defendant?

Bobby?

Oui, se mon ami.

My friend a long time.

I speak the English good? Yes?

You are doing very well.

Now, will you please tell the court whether you believe Robert Hunter to be completely rational.

Como?

Oh, he wants to know if I flipped my lid.

Bobby. He's the living end.

I see.

Now in the past...

The living end?

Oui, oui. Bobby's a cool cat.

Cat?

Cool?

Mr. Hunter, do you have a feeling sometimes that you are a cat?

Oh, no. Let me explain, your honor, you see "cat" is used by musicians in our country to...

Do they play cat musicians in America?

Oh no. That's just an expression.

You know like,

"Daddy-O" and "solid man" and "go man go".

That's the way we talk back home.

We do?

Yeah.

Will you tell the court please.

Have any of Robert Hunter's recent actions lead you to worry about his sanity?

Recent action?

Kicks.

Crazy.

You say that he found out he's crazy?

Oh, now wait a minute judge. Hold it.

Now you see when he says "crazy", that doesn't mean crazy.

It means "crazy" it's a different kind of...

You know crazy-like.

And...

I think I've got a problem.

Bobby.

He, is, out, of, this, world.

What is "out of this world"?

Sorry sir, I'm still having difficulty with "cool cat".

In other words you think Robert Hunter is completely...

The living end.

Cool cat.

Crazy.

Out of this world.

A real gun.

Groovy.

Don't blame me for all of those judge. He must have taken a few lessons of his own.

Bird land.

Do something. Get him off the stand. He's murdering me.

That will be all monsieur Fernydel.

Thank you very much.

Good, eh?

See you in the chair.

Why couldn't I have taught him "Mary Had A Little Lamb"?

Yes Daddy-O.

Your honor.

If there is no objection, I order a slight recess.

I wish to consult with Dr. Bernais.

No.

No objection.

-Miss McCall. -Yes?

Come with me.

Why should I?

Because neither one of us wants to see Mr. Hunter dead.

Do you intend to testify he is quite sane?

Naturally.

Then you'll sign his death warrant.

The moment Mr. Hunter walks out on that square as a free man,

he is doomed.

I don't believe you.

Because you don't want to believe me.

Because it isn't true.

All these people in broad daylight.

They wouldn't dare.

Look out there.

You see the limousine and the young chauffeur leaning against it?

The rather dashing fellow that's just reading a paper.

The two countrymen gawking at the sites.

They are all well known to me mademoiselle.

All very dangerous.

All here for one reason only.

They are waiting to kill Bob.

You may call your next witness.

Next we have a young lady who is also well acquainted with the defendant,

and whose integrity is beyond reproach.

Miss McCall please.

I'm dead if you don't come through honey.

Now then Miss McCall, I understand that you traveled to France with the defendant,

aboard the same ship.

That's right.

And you always found his behavior to be completely rational.

Completely.

Completely rational.

That is, until we got to Paris.

Till we got to Paris.

Then his lunatic tendencies became obvious.

And then my lunatic tend...

Oh now, wait a minute.

Did you say, "lunatic tendencies," Miss McCall?

Can you give us an instance?

I believe so.

Mr. hunter often believes that...

He's the statue of Liberty.

Statue of Liberty?

I demand the floor. I've got something to say.

Send me your poor, your tired...

Send me your poor, your tired...

I...

Baby, what are you doing to me?

And then at other times he, he imagines he's Napoleon.

Napoleon?

I don't...

I...

I'm not Napoleon. Honest.

No, you are a sweet little pussycat.

Yeah, I'm a sweet little pu...

I'm Bob Hunter, and I'm as sane as you are, and I can prove it!

What...

Forgive me darling I'll explain later.

Boy are you in trouble up here.

Go ahead ask me anything.

Nevermind, I'll tell you.

You know this whole deal started? With a script.

A script I tried to buy.

Statue of Liberty...

Ask him about Louis the sixteenth.

A script about Louis the sixteenth?

No, no. Louis the sixteenth came after.

-You see this script... -The elevator.

Louis the sixteenth was in the elevator?

No.

No. You see what happened was, they tried to kill me.

The organization tried to kill you?

Yeah, first they tried to fix the elevator in the hotel.

That didn't work, so then they tried it in a taxi.

And how did they get the elevator into the taxi?

No. They tried to get me in a taxi. They did, without a driver.

Then they tried to kill me in a tunnel of love.

Boy, if it hadn't been for that guillotine.

And you know that Marie Antoinette with a Louis...

Tell me doc,

You think it's too late to get back into the checker tournament?

Bye.

Hey Bobby!

Bobby!

Hurry! Quick!

Hey Ferny! This is great!

How long you been flying one of these egg-beaters?

Third lesson!

Hey, Ferny!

Look at that fourth lesson!

Huh?

The nasties are here.

I'll never eat salad again.

Up Ferny! Up!

Up? Up?

Up Ferny!

Up?

I'm glad that wasn't a church steeple.

What are you doing up there?

I'm migrating.

I got separated from the rest of the flock.

Up Ferny! Up!

What's your Telephone number?

Get up Ferny! Get up!

Get back up in there!

If I saw this in pictures, I wouldn't believe it.

Hey Bob, attention.

Hurry Ferny!

Bob.

No gasoline.

What?

Why don't you get a credit card?

Hurry Ferny. Hurry!

Move Ferny, move!

Good gasoline.

-Ann. -Yeah.

Yeah, but look who's following her.

Gangsters.

Don't lose sight of her.

Beautiful.

Huh?

Oops. Sorry.

Here come the marines!

Hang on to that script!

Thanks for dropping in.

Honey, they got them.

Honey, your a hero. You'll be decorated.

Hero... Decorated...

If we can ever get down.

Down, down, down?

Hey, you're playing to the wrong crowd.

Lunch.

Crazy.

And you, my friend, must come back to France soon again.

We'll be waiting.

Thanks. That's very sweet. And we'll be back.