Original subtitles

I slept over.

I did.

We didn't, you know...

(LAUGHS)

(KNOCK ON DOOR)

Jules.

It is?

# Mac, Mac, Mackie, Mack, Mack

# Mac, Mac, Mackie, Mack, Mack

# Mac, Mac, Mackie, Mack, Mack, Mack

# Mac, Mac, Mackie, Mack, Mack... #

Oh, wow.

Celebrating you.

Thank you.

How did you know where I live?

This is gonna be

Potluck?

That's what Kiwis call it

when you bring a plate

No. I know what potluck is, Jules.

You invited other people?

How many?

Oh, everyone's coming.

'Cause you're loved, girly.

(CHUCKLES) And finally,

you will get to meet

(DOOR SHUTS)

..Aneet.

Happy birthday.

Thanks.

Hey, mum.

All of your staff...

Are you just gonna let them?

Hi.

Hi. I'm Tui.

Noam.

Happy birthday!

Oh, my god.

You know, it's a beautiful day.

I'm-I'm sure people

Why do you hate

I don't.

Why not we all just stay colleagues?

'Cause everyone

(LAUGHTER)

Oh, god. Yep. All right. Fine.

Fairy bread. Really?

Yeah. It's a party.

Kill me now.

Happy birthday.

(CROSSTALK)

(UPBEAT MUSIC)

What the fuck, Toby? No.

He thinks Kanye

Absolutely not.

No, dude.

Noam,

unless you wanna come out

Oh, no.

Uh, Tui, you know,

Yeah? Give the boys some space.

Yeah. Sure. OK, Toby.

I'm gonna play you

and then you're never going back.

I'm a bit of a Drake guy myself.

Drake?

Yeah. He's dope.

Cheers!

Yay.

Dun dun dun dun dun dun. Dun!

(CHEERS AND APPLAUSE)

Because it's a potluck.

Anyone hungry? Oh, no!

No. No way.

Shoo. Shoo.

You said you're bringing

Yeah. In about 8 hours.

Hello. Hello. Hello.

Well, I didn't think

Oh, I wanna see

Rob, Rob, Rob, Rob, Rob, Rob!

Come here, you little bastard.

Don't let him near my hens.

Actually, if you wanna bring him

we might kiss.

Oh, you didn't tell me

you lived next door

I've got one of your books.

Hi.

Barbeque's munted.

What about a spit roast?

Well, I'll ask the girls,

(LAUGHS)

OK. Goldie, spit roast.

Goldie can't do that on her own.

Come on over, big boy.

Oh.

No, you don't...

I'll see you soon.

Oh, god.

So, what's all this about us

Trying to keep us

OK, so, Goldie's pig

That means this will now be

Party games?

Um, Sardines.

What's that?

Um, it's the opposite

One person hides,

and when they do, they join them.

I'm going to be the first sardine.

Oh, not inside. Don't move!

20, 19, 18...

You're into party games?

I am now.

13, five, three, two, go.

OK. Let's start it.

It's-it's really good.

Oh, stop.

Hiya.

If this game blows,

I reckon. Nah.

Let's find her bedroom.

See if there's anything

Guys, how long will this take?

My boyfriend Ethan's coming over.

Ooh-ooh. It's the Madame's boudoir.

(LAUGHS)

Why does she never wear

It's pretty.

It's kinda girly, yeah.

Jackpot.

Of course, she keeps a diary.

Yeah. What? Isn't that private?

What?

You don't wanna read her

her private intimate desires?

Well, suit yourself.

OK.

Oh, it got boring.

Definitely boring.

Oh. Buckle up, bitches.

The new girl started today.

Haven't been called

(LAUGHS)

Deziyah's the ringleader,

I get the sense

What?

Guys.

Guys.

Man, I am so good at this game.

I knew we'd have a great time.

(SIGHS)

Oh.

He's a keeper.

We're not together.

Say no more.

Where is everyone?

They, oh, they're all back inside.

Still looking for amethyst, I think.

Noam, where's everybody?

Don't know.

They're off playing

Oh, mum. Why is Lima here?

Jules invited him.

(SIGHS) Happy birthday.

Shouldn't you be lecturing someone?

Oh, feels like it's time

Yeah. Right. The boys are inside.

So...

I'm not just here to see them.

Look... (SIGHS)

We've both made a lot of mistakes.

Have we both, actually?

I think maybe we needed to,

It's OK.

I've been struggling a bit myself.

Who says I'm struggling?

Come on, Noam told me you've been

OK.

Listen, um, the thing

Yeah. Yeah. You're having a party.

Hello?

(CHUCKLES)

Hi.

Uh, unplanned staff barbecues.

Right. Yeah, yeah.

Oh, you did.

What'd you think?

I was surprised.

'Cause probably

I just figured, you know.

Well, yeah, I didn't realise you

Yep.

I got an investor, co-owner...

Oh, oh.

Local?

Uh, she's just, you know,

Lucky.

You know what, it's good to see you.

Oh, there she is.

Hey.

But I know the boys would...

No, I'll get in there then. OK.

Yep.

Thank you.

I think this game is more fun

Rob's back.

Oh, finally I get to meet

Rob's back.

Oh, I'm sensing anxiety.

No. I'm-I'm good.

Is it OK I'm here with Rob?

Yeah. No. Yeah. Yeah.

Just, um, do me a favour.

I've got you. All right.

Listen, Jules,

Which bit?

I just thought since

He's not.

I mean, technically,

Don't... mention the loan.

I just think it's nice of him.

Signing away half your house

to fund your partner's

Um...

Oh.

Oh.

But if you signed it,

And if I'm the co-owner,

Oh, Christ. We're going to jail.

No. Jules.

No-one is going to jail.

But if he finds out

and he could kick me

I'll have to move into the motel,

So, please say

OK. Oh, sorry. Nothing.

Thank you.

Lima.

Hey.

You know what, I was thinking

a little more to a turf and surf.

Throw in some crayfish.

You know, pork's not turf.

But, you know, swine and line.

You know, I thought

you know, down the coast a bit.

It's my birthday.

(CHUCKLES)

Yeah.

Well, there's nothing like a man

bringing a home

What she said.

Yeah. So, will the pigs.

So...

Yeah.

Thank you.

(SIGHS)

(CHUCKLES)

Oh.

Where's our little sardine then?

Don't worry, I'm not ever gonna ask

I know you don't even use them

So...

It's not about that.

Well, is it more

You know, I mean, Jungian therapists

So...

It's just easier using one name.

Right.

It's fascinating,

Rob.

Hi.

I've heard so much about you.

What are we gossiping about?

Just our family

Oh, yeah.

I mean, it's not exactly

Technically, it's an escort agency.

Right. Are-are you the co-owner?

No, that's my wife, Jules.

Why? What have you heard?

Well, he just said... OK.

What?

Yeah. I'm the co-owner, Jules.

Right.

Yeah. Now, I got that.

Rob. Hi. Can we talk?

Tui?

Uh... closure.

Yeah.

Jules, could you sort out

Yes.

(SIGHS)

Finally.

Sardines.

I don't think

OK.

So, are we still playing?

We've got so much to catch up on.

Wait. Tui.

Let's go somewhere private.

I should...I should have texted you.

It's OK.

Yeah.

The situation's got

Um... but I know this...

It felt so real

but I can't do this anymore.

OK, I'm-I'm sorry,

All right, you're gonna...

I'm sorry.

Rob.

Fuck.

She's really got you on a leash,

She's caught it.

Caught what?

Madame Syndrome.

Oh, fuck off.

She gives you special treatment.

She's not even nice to me.

Mmm. Tough love.

That's real mother-daughter shit.

She's not my mother.

Yeah, I know that.

Bubs, we've all got shitty parents.

Mmm.

Except Amethyst

Yeah, they've got options,

And Mac, she needs you.

You're her little broken bird.

For someone you hate,

you spend a lot of time

So, how's the writing going?

Not-not well.

No. But...

Yeah.

But the teaching, actually,

Yeah?

Yeah? Great. Great.

Yes, you did, didn't you?

Those who can't teach, right?

No. No. Like, teaching is a gift.

Honestly, students kinda love me.

Yeah. It's going great.

Really, really great.

Mm-hm.

So, uh, when do you think you've...

you'll head back down?

Depends.

I mean, I could hang around

I-I couldn't get any crayfish.

But I did get some roadkill.

Oh, hey, Rob.

Lima.

Lima.

Rob, Rob, Rob.

He did...he didn't know.

Sorry. Know what?

That you...

Well, yeah, I do

because of that

Oh, it's named after you.

You killed my rooster.

Jules. Jules.

What are you two doing

(LAUGHTER)

You're letting all the smoke out.

Thanks for helping out

It's been a pleasure.

Has it been getting in the way

I don't have anything at the moment.

Well, that's why I'm back

Just waiting on the next adventure.

Uh, Rob, I think I can hear

Sorry.

I mean, haven't really

and yet here we are, eh?

Yeah, well, I only got back

Hey. What do you do?

Right. OK.

So-so, Michelin star roast, eh?

What, you actually have...

Just one.

Just a few years ago.

Copenhagen.

OK. I've been there.

Yeah.

Yeah, I was there

Oh, you're the one

Ah!

You should sell them.

Make some money.

There's heaps of them left.

OK. Who's hungry?

Goldie, are we ready?

Half an hour.

Unless you want pork tarte.

Sounds good.

That's no such thing

Oh, yeah. Of course.

I can help.

Oh, uh, yeah. Go for it.

Yeah.

That sexual tension

Give one of these, eh.

Oh.

Oh.

Fuck me. All right. Sorry.

(LAUGHS)

God.

Don't know my strength. (CHUCKLES)

I'll get the salads.

Enjoying the spit roast?

What's going on?

With what? You and dad. Been weird.

Something's happened?

No, we're fine.

You lying again?

No. You're even happy he's home?

I just hate birthdays.

Where's Toby?

Uh, Cassie got here early. Oh. OK.

(SIGHS)

Oh. Shit.

(MUTTERS) What?

Are you fucking him? What?

The hot chef. No.

Then who cares if they're comparing cocks?

It's all good.

No, it's actually fucking not.

Why not?

Because, because, because...

Look... You know what... OK.

Maybe if you started talking about your feelings, you'd stop being...

(BABBLES) OK?

So, can you get over yourself and tell me what's wrong

so, I can help you?

What's wrong is that...

I was just standing between Rob and Lima,

and it's pretty obvious that I'm only attracted to one of them,

and it's not my husband.

And the moment that he figures out that there is no coming back,

he will call the lawyers, who will call the bank,

and he'll find out that I forged his name

on a loan to start up Sweethearts, and then poo!

OK.

So, he just needs to not figure it out.

No, I've gotta buy more time to pay back this fucking loan

because then none of this will matter.

OK.

If there's one thing I can teach you,

it's how to make a guy think you're in love with him.

That'll buy you time.

I've been doing that for ten years.

OK. All right.

On three. OK. Yeah.

One, two, three.

Hold the level whip. Yep. It is, it is.

OK. Well, I've got the arse end so it's a little heavier.

So... Yep. OK.

In downhill.

Are we all imagining them having sex?

Or... I really was.

So, you're not married, eh? I was.

Couple of times. Oh, yeah. Enough for you.

I'm still, you know, holding out hope.

Oh, and who do you have your eye on, mate?

OK, mate. Listen.

I-I'm not trying to get between you and Mack.

We've been hanging out, but nothing's happened.

Trust me.

Good.

Oh, yeah.

We're good.

Good.

Yeah. It's good.

How's the pig?

Should curve her up, eh?

Just gotta rest her for a bit.

Same mistake. You gotta rest steak.

Right. Yeah. Yeah.

Like the crackling on the ears.

Wanna try it now? A little nibble.

(CHUCKLES) Everyone.

Boring.

Meet Ethan. Hey, everyone.

Why is your boyfriend gay?

Oh, we're not together.

Oh, no, babe.

We were, like, literally ranking Taylor Swift songs

by how many minutes we were crying to it.

Yeah.

We met on Peter Pan.

Babe, are you... Don't follow me.

(SOBS)

Feel better?

Not really.

Welcome to club sardines!

You hold out. (LAUGHTER)

You could've told me there's a speech happening.

Pass me that, J.

You guys are mental.

Uh, where's everyone else?

Still playing sardines and avoiding all the catastra-fuck,

I imagine.

What?

Oh, your dad found out about your mum and the neighbour.

What the fuck?

Exactly.

Do you know where I can get some fresh chives?

Well, I didn't say I could see...

Hey mum. Hmm?

Fucking him.

What? Is that why you left?

What? No. I... Why would you say that?

Are you?

What? Sleeping together?

No. No. Don't. OK?

Why do we have to believe you?

You lied about everything else. I lied about the business.

No. Look. He's your husband.

We're your kids. You even care?

Yep. Of course, I care. No, you fucking don't, do you?

Hey! Whoa, whoa, whoa. Stop.

Hey, mate, there's no need to raise your...

No, dad. Stop. You don't have...

Look, she's gonna leave with him and all of them

and start this new life, and we are gonna fucking fall apart.

OK. That is enough.

You have no idea what you're talking about.

Calm yourself down. You, come talk to me.

Oh, yeah. We're gonna talk.

You got a pretty angry boy out there.

That is not my fault. Oh, come on.

You're the one who's fucking the neighbour.

I'm not fucking Lima. Would you stop?

I'm not fucking him. Do not.

I am not. Oh, fine.

Actually, no. No. No. No. Really.

This is crazy. It's fucking...

No, I get it. I do. I actually do. OK?

It makes sense after Tui.

But can we just not pretend to be something we're not?

Isn't that the whole reason you started seeing Tui?

Oh, isn't that the whole reason you started a brothel?

Hmm? OK. You know what?

I think it is time we stop pretending

that this marriage is anything other than broken.

Oh, come on.

What, you giving up?

Well, is there anything left... Is this you giving up?

..to give up on? Well, maybe if you let me in.

Maybe if you let me love you just a bit...

Oh, come on, you don't want love.

You want adoration, and I am fucking exhausted.

I just do not have it in me to pretend

that you are anything other than average.

Fuck you.

Well, then... Fuck you.

OK, then.

OK. All right. This, yeah, sure.

That's what we're doing then. We're bringing in the lawyers.

Oh. Yeah.

OK. Yeah. Mm-hm.

Yep. Kick me out of the house. Ruin my business.

I came halfway around the fucking world.

I gave my career, my friends, my family.

Oh! Yeah. Sure.

Leave me with nothing.

Do you think... Do you think I wanted this?

You think this is my plan? All of this?

And then you want me to leave?

(SIGHS)

Yeah.

You know what, no.

I'll-I'll-I'll leave you to it.

Good luck with your, you know, your new family.

Oh, come on.

I've got all the family I can fucking manage.

I'm their boss. That is it.

So, they're just a pay cheque? Yeah.

Well, there you go.

So much for ethics. Your fuck ethics.

I have kids to support. Oh, bullshit.

That is bullshit.

There's only one reason you're doing all this

because deep down, you know you just not that fucking interesting.

Sardines.

Fuck your ethics, huh?

Should've known you were full of shit.

Happy birthday, Mack.

('DISTURB THE PIECE' BY SIDEKICKNICK PLAYS)

Captioned by AI-Media ai-media.tv

I want to run an ethical business.

I want to be a madam that takes care of everyone.

But especially you.

VOICEOVER: With just two weeks to go.

(SCREAMS)

TV's most surprising new drama..

..is about..to reveal..

..one hell of a twist.

(MUSIC ESCALATES)

You're pregnant.

Madam. What?