Original subtitles

What are you doing? Nothing.

Just, uh, just chilling on this sick, cube -shaped wood chair.

That crate belongs to Ray. How am I supposed to know that?

It says property of Ray Manchester.

For all I know, you've written that just now.

So why'd you throw that hammer across the room?

Because it was asking too many questions, Charlotte.

Which you are also doing.

So, boom. Henry, what you're doing is wrong. You can't open someone else's

with a hammer.

I know.

You gotta use a crowbar.

Yeah.

Amazing turn.

I know. That was great. You were like, you can't open someone else's crate. I

said that. And then you were like, psych, crowbar. That was the turn. I'll

at that every time.

Step aside.

Gillhammer coming.

Uh, what's up? What are you guys doing?

We're just hanging out. Stop lying.

Yeah, we tried to open Ray's big cube ship chair, too.

Ah! The crowbar didn't work, so we went home and grabbed my jill hammer.

What's a jill hammer? A jackhammer. For her.

That makes sense. Does it, though? It's for her, Charlotte.

Are you guys done trap -flopping? Because I'm about to jill this crate

open. Let's get this going!

Here we go!

What are you guys doing? What? Huh? What are you doing? Still, we're just

chilling.

You guys.

You cannot open Ray's crate without your hammer.

The turn coming? I know. You need to use an ionizing mega magnet.

Turn. Nailed it. Boom.

This magnet is so powerful, it will suck the nails right out of the crate.

Yes. That way we can see what's inside, then nail it shut again, and Ray will

never know we opened it. Love it. Great plan.

Ray is so stupid.

I don't know you guys.

What about the plate in Jasper's head?

I'm sorry, what?

Jasper has a metal plate in his head.

Remember?

I do not remember that. No memory.

Jasper, you know this.

You're trying to teach that donkey how to kick field goals.

I've taught a lot of animals to kick a lot of things. Let's open this crate!

Open it!

Ah, my head plate!

guys doing what

uh where'd you come from

is that a

theranos boot like the one theranos wears in eternity war oh i love that

it's not like the theranos boot from eternity war Turn coming?

I can't even right now.

It is the Theranos book from Eternity War. How

did you even get that?

This thing should be in the Museum of Awesome Things from Awesome Movies.

Oh, it was headed to Matt, fam.

So the whole world could enjoy it.

But then I bought it.

So now only I can enjoy it.

Kind of a jerk move, but I want to put it on.

Only three people can touch this boot.

Me, myself, and Aisha Thompson, who, of course, played Theranos in the movie.

That's not fair.

Sorry.

This boot is too valuable.

I know you all have been messing with my crate.

That's right. Look at the ground and mutter.

And just know that no one is allowed to touch my Theranos boot ever.

I gotta go pick up a nuclear -proof display case. I trust you all.

Aw, I really do appreciate that. To understand that... Okay, what?

If any of you so much as touch that boot, I will end you.

End you?

We're touching that boot, right?

I don't know, you guys.

Ray did use the words end you. And he only does that when he's really serious

about something. Too late.

I'm already touching it. Oh, I tried.

I am Theranos.

And this is how you change the world.

Theranos, you mad woman.

Prepare for your disruption.

No, Theranos, don't disrupt us. It all changes now.

No.

Henry, I don't feel so good.

Go to town.

Doot, doot, boogie.

Hey.

Forgot my wallet.

All the way there. I have to turn right back around.

Doot.

The bartender.

I don't know. It's so hot right now.

You are absolutely right.

I'm sipping some gum.

Who put gum on the runway? Who cares? It's on Ray's boot.

Well,

You can use this freeze ray to encase the gum in ultra ice.

Then reheat it with a hammer and the gum will shatter into a million pieces.

Oh, there's not an easier way to get gum off the bottom of a shoe? Yeah, let's

get a tissue.

Oh, it's empty. Let's freeze it.

Freezy peasy.

Just make sure you only freeze the gum.

I know how to use a freeze ray.

Cheaply fallen feast. I do.

this freezing boot off my foot.

Hey, look.

My gum's still in one piece.

No,

that's not my gum.

It all just kind of happened. I wanted an after -school job, but then an

indestructible superhero hired me to be his sidekick.

Now we blow bubbles and fight crime.

Somebody help me shape this back into a boot.

Schwoz, you got a boot shaping machine, right?

Come on. Science, science, science.

Something about applying it.

I told you we should have never touched Ray's boot.

But you're the first one to put it on.

And I'm also the first one to leave.

Peace, snitches. No, no, no, no, no, no.

No one is leaving until we fix this. How are we going to do that?

Schwoz's freeze ray turns Ray's boot into snowman poop.

Why don't we just go get another one before Ray gets back? They sell them

everywhere.

Boots are just toys.

Ray had the actual Theranos boot from the actual movie.

There's only one in the world.

And we ruined it.

Yeah, dog. When Ray gets back, he's going to end us.

I don't want to be ended.

Well, me neither. No one's going to end.

Okay? Because Schwoz is going to think of something that's going to fix

everything. Right, Schwoz?

Okay, listen.

I think we all need to just tell Ray the truth, take responsibility, and accept

the consequences of our actions. That's the only way to truly fix things.

Okay,

I might have one idea for a way that we can... What

is the idea?

Well... You're all familiar with universal dimensional duplicity, right?

very familiar. Say yes. Say yes. Yes, totally. It's my favorite duplicity. So

you know that there are an infinite number of dimensions in the universe,

of which are very similar to our own.

Yeah, yeah, of course. Of course.

That's what I'm saying. I know. I understand.

So we could use Bill Evil's interdimensional transporter to go to

dimension that's almost the same as ours. and get their Theranos boot.

Yes, a dimension like ours, but with a few small differences.

Like people actually listen to Charlotte and also act like cats.

So there's a dimension where you guys actually listen to me? Because I would

love to go to that dimension. Okay, so me and Jasper will go to the cat

dimension.

And take that Theranos boot. And then we'll pop back here before Ray gets

Yes. This is a great idea, Schwoz. I knew you had it in you.

You really think so? We've been having such confidence issues lately. We could

go back to the truth plan. Nope, shut up. We're going to do the dimension

Here you go. What do we do if Ray comes back before we're back with the boot?

Uh, Piper, you go upstairs and junket stuff and stall Ray if he comes back

before we're ready. But I have to go home. If I don't put Dad down for his

then Mom can't go out for ladies' night.

Just do it over the phone.

Fine.

Swat, go get the interdimensional transporter thingy. On it.

Charlotte, will you please get that mega magnet off of Jasper's head?

You know, I'm starting to believe that donkey did kick me in the head.

And down will come daddy, cradle and all.

Sleep tight, you bizarre man.

It's go time.

Great idea. Okay. Oh, gee.

Two times 12. Yeah. In a row. Weird.

How about this? I go right and you go left.

Right. Well.

What do you think of our new scratching posts?

Love them. They're perfect.

Wait. Whoa.

What's a baguette?

We should set these scratching posts on fire.

Yes. Yes. Yes. Right now.

I don't know, you guys.

Everybody stop.

Stop talking. Stop talking. Stop talking.

Go ahead, Charles.

Listening. Lighting things on fire is a really bad idea.

How did I not? Thank you so much, Charlie. You're so wise.

This dimension is so weird.

Oh, yeah, obviously. But right now, we've got to get that Theranos boot and

bring it back to our own dimension.

Wait, wait, wait.

What? We need to distract them.

You guys seen this?

Oh, I see it.

What the heat?

I'm so curious it could kill me.

It's that moving dog.

I don't know. I don't want to grab it.

Go,

go, go, go, go, go.

Which will finally result in me being inside Drunken Stuff and you

finally being outside of Drunken Stuff.

You got it?

You know what?

Let's not overthink this. Let's just walk through the door. Why does it even

need to be a big discussion?

Because we've been here for 45 minutes now, and I still don't understand why

didn't leave when I went to go get this whiteboard.

You know what?

Stop yelling. I got them.

Did you get the boot? I got it.

Check this out. They're going to light these giant scratching posts on fire.

I am. Always funny.

Guys,

Ray finally got past Piper and he's on his way down.

Which is why I think Ray would win in a fight against a volcano.

Ray,

Ray. What's going on, man?

Good to see you there. Which is weird because your muscles are huge.

I appreciate the compliment, but all I care about right now is my boot.

Well, it's right where you left it, as you can see.

Okay.

You get your paws off my boot, right?

Meow.

Henry? Yeah?

Okay, can one of you tell me just what in the hell in the bottom quarter is

going on here?

Uh, I got this one, Big Duck.

What did you just call me?

Listen, quick but awesome story.

We accidentally destroyed your boot.

What? We had a really fun montage before we did, though. Did you boot, scoot,

and or boogie? All three, cat me.

Why didn't you stop them? I tried.

They didn't listen.

Why would you?

That's crazy.

They never do.

Really? I'm surprised they haven't blown up the man cave by now.

They have.

Do it again in a heartbeat.

It's like wild animals.

When do I get my boot back?

Your boot?

Excuse me, handsome, but this is my boot.

Actually, I found a dimension that's just like ours, except people listen to

Charlotte and act like cats.

Yeah, he sent me and Jasper there to get their Theranos boot and bring it back

here. Good thinking.

Thank you so much. I've had such a crisis of confidence lately. Me too.

Swanson!

So you stole this boot from them? Uh, yeah.

So it's mine now.

No.

Yes, it is, gorgeous.

Now, you listen to me, stunner.

You take those strong, masculine, yet surprisingly soft hands, and you give me

back my boot.

Come and get it, hottie.

Henry!

Uh, got it. Oh, man.

Jasper, throw it to me. No, that's cab hyper.

Meow, meow, baby.

Why did you listen to Charlotte? Because we never do.

Get us out of here, Schwoz. Okay.

No!

No, I didn't. You broke my boot.

Is it even broken?

Yeah, can't you just glue that jewel back on?

It's broken!

I can still fix it. It's worthless!

Okay, now I can.

You're stupid!

I hate this boot now!

I wish I'd never seen it! I can't play with that!

I don't even want it anymore!

I hate your boot! I hate you!

Thanks a lot, you guys!

You guys broke the only Theranos boot left anyway!

to the theory of universal dimensional duplicity, there should be an infinite

number of universes.

Which means there should be an infinite number of Theranos boots.

So you guys can just go to a different dimension and grab another one.

We're talking to Newton.

This is so cool.

Pineapple. Anderson Cooper.

What?

According to universal dimensional duplicity means that somewhere in the

universe there is a dimension where not everyone has a mustache.

What?

I mean, what do they stroke when they're thinking?

Good question.

Okay, I got the boot. Great. Just hand it over and I'll go back to my own

dimension. Huh? Oh, no, no, no.

This boot is mine.

Why am I supposed to get my boot?

Some dimension where everyone's Henry?

Hey, listen to this.

According to the theory of universal dimensional duplicity, there's a

out there where some people are not Henry.

What?

Well, thank Henry, I'm Henry, right here in the Henry dimension.

Well said, Henry.

Thank you, Henry.

Oh, I was actually talking to Henry.

Happens a lot.

Taking this boot.

What the Henry was that?

That was not a Henry.

And it just took my Henry Nose boot.