Original subtitles

That was me, dude. I don't know how I got it.

A kid has a beard.

Yeah, so cute.

Zed's baby beard hasn't fallen out yet.

But when it does, the beard fairy will come.

Gonna stop you right there, Schwoz. Thank you.

You know, as much as I love having your family here, I hate it. So, everybody

out!

But I asked you to take a come visit for a week, and you said... Yeah, sure,

whatever, Schwoz.

Dude, why would you say that? I did it!

Yeah, you did.

When? I asked you three months ago because you can't think that far ahead,

you'll just say yes to anything.

But it's so not true.

Hey, can Jasper and I get raises in three months?

Yeah, sure, whatever. That's like a million years away.

Hey! Look, let's just get some churros. Right.

Churros fix everything.

Hey,

don't pull your baby beard. It will fall out naturally.

Mm -hmm.

That's what I need, baby. One churro. Two churros. Thank you. Please.

No churros available.

What did you say?

Did I stutter?

No churros available.

Hey.

Hey, what?

How come the auto snacker's out of churros?

Larry's kids ordered a ton of them.

What? Oh, come on, man. We just got back from saving the city from Arson Boy.

From Arson Boy. Can't even get a churro?

Can't even get a churro?

I know, I know. You jerk, man.

You hurt my butt. I know, I know.

Hey, hey, hey, hey.

Not with me.

Where?

Just follow my lead.

Okay.

Uh, so, uh, Kid Danger and I are gonna go, uh, use the bathroom together.

Nope. Yep.

So, uh, don't come looking for us for a long time.

But, dude, I'm not gonna use the bathroom.

It's kind of dark in here, dude.

Welcome to the Manics.

What's the Manics?

Secret room where I hang out when everyone's bugging me. And I'm Jasper

Charlotte Schwoz. Up until today, you. Fair.

So... What do you think?

I love this place, and I never want to leave.

This whole place is secret, dude.

Secret chairs, secret wings, secret sauce.

Nobody knows it's here.

Oh, there you guys are! No!

Oh!

What is this room?

Jasper, what are you doing here?

Look, Zed's baby beard just fell out. You guys want to touch it? No, I don't

want to touch it!

It's gross!

Jasper! What if Zed has to put the beard under his pillow, or the beard fairy

won't come?

Why don't you show him Ray and Henry?

What is this room? Just get out of here and stop asking questions.

I have a question.

Is it cool if my cousin Larry borrows your toothbrush?

No. Too late.

Hey, what is this room?

It's a secret room and it's ours.

Well, I want a secret room.

Me too.

With wings and a chair and a poster of fighter pilots with a picture of my face

taped over one of them.

Go make your own room.

This room is for crime fighters only.

help fight crime?

Of course you help, you know, but we're out there fighting arson bullets. That's

right. Okay, so unless you got torched by a 12 -year -old with a flamethrower,

get out.

I'm not leaving.

Come on, let's go.

Some people just

don't know their place.

Fuck.

I wanted an after -school job, but then an indestructible superhero hired me to

be his sidekick. Now we blow bubbles and fight crime.

Feels good.

I lit the... I'll get it.

Oh, Piper, what'd you do? No!

Thanks for the help, Dad.

You're welcome.

That wasn't a real thing.

It was a fake thing.

Which my tone implied.

How can I help you, officers?

Your daughter Piper here is in big trouble. Whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa.

sorry, officers.

Yeah, I'm just trying to...

Take this karaoke machine to work, and I feel like if I hear what you have to

say, I'll get involved, so excuse me. Excuse me, Dad. Excuse me. Thank you.

I am... Excuse me, John.

What'd you do?

Jaywalk? Litter?

Steal a rich girl's pony?

She hit me with a cock.

Ooh, that's new.

You were standing in the middle of the street. She was doing the Waikiki

challenge.

I'm sorry. What is the Y -T -Key challenge?

It's where one cop takes a video of their partner hula dancing around the

car. I was mid -hula when your daughter plowed over me.

I said I was sorry.

So are we. Now we gotta do a bunch of paperwork.

Plus, we gotta make all that soup.

Yeah.

Because of Piper?

Nah, nah, nah, nah, nah, nah. See, once a week when squad car makes soup for all

the other officers.

Tomorrow's our turn.

Oh, man, it's going to be an all -nighter.

Anyway, we just wanted to bring her by so you could give her a hug before we

take her to jail. I appreciate it.

Bring it in.

You're going to do great in jail.

Wait. What if I made the soup?

What are you saying, baby girl?

You guys need soup. I need to not go to jail. Whoa, whoa, whoa.

You trying to bribe us with soup?

What? No, I was... Because if you are...

When? Yeah. I mean, if you're half as good at making soup as you are running

over cops, I can't wait the day. I can't wait.

Well, great.

What kind of soup do you guys want? Doesn't matter. As long as it's scalding

and filled to the tippy top of whatever pot you're cooking it in.

Oh, it will be. Great.

Let's get those cuffs off you. Oh, I took them off in the back of your cop

She's good.

Wow. Yeah.

Wow. Yeah.

Wow.

We need to get to the mysterious key that we think leads to a treasure chest.

No, no, no. I'm just trying to get this karaoke machine to a secret room, okay,

Larry? Yeah, but we think the key opens a magic chest full of treasure. If I

listen, I'll end up involved, and I do not want that.

I have one right here.

Great question.

So, uh, turn your machine off so I can go back to singing.

It's not on.

Where's that music coming from?

Schwoz's family?

Nah, it's definitely not them. They found a magic key or something.

Don't tell me. I don't want to get involved.

Smart. Come on.

Let's follow that tune.

I think I can make it to your party.

if I can make enough soup to pay off the cops.

Piper, you can't use every can we have to make your bribe soup.

Can I call you back?

Yeah, it's him.

The cops said that it has to be filled to the tippy top.

Does that look like the tippy top to you?

It's pretty close.

Do you want me to go to jail?

You know, sometimes I think that you want me to go to jail.

I don't want you to go to jail.

Then hand me that can.

Piper, you can't put this in there.

It's creamed pot.

You can put anything in soup. It's just got to be wet.

Ladies and gentlemen.

Ladies and gentlemen. Ladies and gentlemen. Ladies and gentlemen.

Ladies and gentlemen.

Ladies and gentlemen.

Ladies and

gentlemen.

Is that a party -sized churro?

Meals, meals.

This is a fiesta -sized churro, and you guys can't have any.

Yeah, this room is for non -crime fighters only.

Let's make a deal.

What kind of a deal?

You guys get to keep your room all to yourselves. Love it. Hate it. Okay, I'm

not done.

I'm not done.

Me and Ray, we get to keep our room all to ourselves. Still love it all the

time. But, but, Ray and I take the fiesta -sized churro with us. Yes,

yes. Yes, we get the churro.

Deal. Deal.

Yes! Yes!

Yeah,

you can take the churro.

Nice. Then you buy it from my car!

I'm going to blow up the man cave.

Should I follow him or?

We should all follow him.

just say, Larry? How about I just say?

Ray?

What is that thing?

It's the Man Cave self -destruct button.

In the case of dire emergency, or if I need to prove a point, I press this

and it starts a countdown clock, and when that clock says zero, the Man Cave

says boom.

Ray? Do not blow up the Man Cave. Oh, I won't have to. They're gonna back down.

This is how the big boys negotiate. Trust me.

I do not trust you. Well, you better trust me, Henry, or I will blow up the

cave! I'm gonna gut you!

See, that's how it works.

Hey, no!

Don't blow up the man cave!

You can have our room. No, he can't. What are you saying?

I am a

shallow, impulsive, immature man -child.

So you will apologize to both of us and make us a fiesta site. Sure, I will blow

this whole thing...

I will hit this button myself before I apologize to you.

Well, I will blow up the man cave if we don't all stop fighting.

We're friends. If we can't get along, then we don't deserve a man cave. Well,

don't think that anybody should blow up the man cave ever for any reason, and I

actually think we should just take our hands away from the button, okay? Well,

I...

really gonna self -destruct um yeah

Unless you want to go to jail. Run away.

Oh, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no.

She's got to carry it herself.

And she can't spill a drop.

Really?

Not one drop?

Nope. That's the law.

That doesn't sound like the law.

We blew up the man cave.

Yeah. We did.

You maniacs!

You blew it up!

Oh, dang you!

Gosh dang you all as well!

I can't believe you didn't spill a drop during that weird, poorly timed

earthquake.

really not want to go to jail i sure don't sign the papers and officially

possession of the soup if you're cooking it's half as good as your balance the

whole station's gonna eat well tonight

This is worse than the other ones.

I know.

What other ones?

Oh, the other man caves we've blown up. Schwoz built, like, ten of them?

Yeah.

I'm terribly sorry, what?

I didn't build just one man cave.

Ray is very irresponsible.

It's true.

So I built one man cave and nine spears. man caves, each one below the other.

Let's see, we start with ten man caves, we've blown up five so far, which

leaves... Hey!

Hey!

What do you mean you've blown up five man caves so far?

Well, the first one was an accident, granted.

Second one was a prank, got on Barry wrong.

Third one got invaded by mole people. I hate mole people.

Wait, mole people are real? Yes, and they are impossible to get rid of.

Fourth one, I saw this spider, right?

I went to get a tissue. I turned around. Couldn't find it for the life of me, so

obviously.

Fifth one got blown up over a churro.

Oh, you guys were there for that one.

Whoa, whoa, whoa. So you're saying that there's more man caves right below this

one? Yeah.

Yeah. I wouldn't risk blowing up our only man cave over a churro. That'd be

crazy.

to see the new man cave.

He's got that new man cave smell.

This is amazing.

It looks exactly the same.

Sure does.

Yeah.

Okay, first things first. Let's put that self -destruct button away before

somebody accidentally hits it again.

What's that?

It's a gold parcel.

People never die!

Man -made self -destruct activated.

Back in the elevator, people.

Here's your bribe receipt.

Thank you.

Do I smell pumpkin?

Cream.

I love that.

Easy, Walnut.

Let's wait until we get that soup down to the station.