Original subtitles

Jasper. Yeah, what you need?

Will you please come take this thermometer out of my nose hole?

Okay. Let's check that temperature.

And... Well?

I think it needs to go in deeper.

What?

I've never used a nasal thermometer before.

Well, maybe you should learn how to use nasal thermometers before you stick them

in your friend's noses. Here, let's just try it again.

Uh, yeah, no, it's really not that comfortable. Can we please, can we, uh,

uh... I think it's in there. It's back in me.

Hey, what are you making anyways?

Oh, a cure for your cold.

You can't cure a cold. You can with this liquid cleanse I'm making.

What's in it? A combination of...

Orange juice, nut milk, fish oil, frankincense, tomato puree, myrrh, bee

and liquid lard.

Wow.

I am not drinking that.

Drink it.

Why would you drink it? You said it was a cleanse.

Yeah, but you don't swallow it. I use this to bathe you.

Nope.

Come on, don't be a baby. Don't you want to feel better? No, I like being sick.

Bye.

Henry.

Oh, sorry, but I gotta take this, so... Hey, Ray.

Hey, Henry. How you doing?

Hungry. Handsome and hungry.

Hey, Henry.

Oh, sorry, you're already at work.

Yes, she is, and we want breakfast.

So, on your way to work, stop by Casa de Waffles, pick up nine waffles, a dozen

fat biscuits, some, uh... Fresh fruit.

Fresh fruit.

I'm Charlotte, and I want fresh fruit.

Hey,

listen, guys, I'm sorry, but I'm still sick. I can't make it to work.

Oh, that's been three days.

Maybe you want to see a doctor?

Eh, I mean, it's just a cold, but I still feel pretty bad, and I got a

I probably shouldn't... Hey, kid, I totally get it. Just stay home, rest,

take care of yourself.

Cool. Thanks, man.

Sure thing.

Later. Yeah, okay.

That rotten little mutt!

Hey!

What? You could have killed Schwoz! Oh.

Sorry, Schwoz. I didn't mean to hit you with that bottle.

Hell, you did.

It's just I'm so angry at Henry for lying to me.

Wait a second. You think Henry's lying to you about being thick?

I know he's lying!

Great Manchester!

Oh, okay, so you think he's telling the truth.

I do. Well, I think he's lying.

So, we're gonna find out.

Wait a second.

Schwoz? Please don't hurt me anymore.

No, I have an assignment for you.

Why don't you get yourself a disguise?

Okay, I will get a disguise.

Yeah, and then I want you to sneak into Henry's house.

Install some hidden cameras and microphones so we can spy on him. We're

spy on Henry?

Yep.

I will not let you spy on him. Oh, Charlotte's saying no again.

It's an invasion of Henry's privacy, and it's wrong.

Hey, you better not run in the tube so you can try to warn Henry that we're

going to spy on him.

Don't stop. Come back.

Ah! Up the tube!

Tube transport locked.

Locked?

And switching to manual control.

Hey! Hey!

Why didn't I go up the tube?

Because I switched it off.

Off? Yeah.

You can jump, but you won't go far.

Okay, you better not keep me trapped in this tube.

Okay. Up the tube.

And other tube down.

And Charlotte.

different too all right you're so incorrigible i

don't know what that means it all just kind of happened i wanted an

after -school job but then an indestructible superhero hired me to be

sidekick now we blow bubbles and fight crime

Oh, my boot!

Mom!

Oh, hey. Your mom went to yoga class.

But I'm here.

Yeah.

So how was the slumber party last night?

I wasn't at the slumber party.

What do you mean you weren't at the slumber party?

I mean there was a slumber party and I weren't at it.

But you told your mom you were spending the night at Wendy Lindy's house.

I was. But when I got there, Wendy told me they were having a 7 a .m. sale at

Pants Pants Revolution.

What's that?

A store?

Yeah. And I had to sleep on the street all night so I could be one of the first

people in line to buy these.

What are... Wait for it.

What?

No way.

Are those...

Shut up!

You shut up!

a, how you say, a plumber from Italy.

Wait, you're a plumber?

Yes, I am a plumber, Simitouls.

Yeah, uh, you're not gonna believe this, but we need a plumber. Right now.

Oh, well, I suppose I could take a look -see.

Really? That'd be so great.

Okay. You know, where I come from, which is Italy,

Sink -a -sink -a -tony, because that's like the word sink.

But it's more letters on the end.

What's happening? I don't know.

It's shooting fire on the sink.

How does a sink do that? It should be just water.

Yes, I do go fix it.

Excuse me, sir.

Mr. Plummer.

Our kitchen sink is over there.

kitchen.

Yes, no, but most of the plumbing problems start in the attic, you know,

the stairs.

But I don't understand how the attic...

Trapped you in a tube?

You're so bad.

Ray, if you're not going to let me out of this tube, can I at least have some

food?

All right.

I'll get you some food.

What do you want to eat?

I'll take a burrito enorme.

Burrito enorme.

Burrito enorme.

You know what the word burrito means in Spanish?

Yeah, little donkey.

No, it means pouch of meat.

Whatever, just please lift up this tube so I can have it.

No, no, no, no, no, no.

I'm not a stupido.

Up the tube.

And tube to tube.

Down the tube.

You want something to drink?

I don't think so.

Cool. Hey, looks like Schwoz is firing up another camera. Come on, Schwoz. Show

me the Henry.

on him and I'll prove to you he's not really sick.

What?

Was? Was?

Is that you?

No.

I'm just a dream.

Yes. A dream about the night.

So you go back to sleep and you just dream about that.

You've been invaded.

Hey, guys.

Hey, other kid. Hey, Carly.

Jasper, let me out of this tube.

Why is she in the... Oh, uh, we're just playing a game. We're just playing a

game.

It's not a game.

That's part of the game. Saying it's not a game.

Oh, okay.

Well, it's past nine, and I just locked up junk and stuff, so I'm going to head

on home.

Whoa.

Is that Henry's room?

Yep. Wait, but how are you seeing video from... Wait, wait, wait, wait, wait.

There it is.

See Henry there? He's not sick.

I didn't know.

Look at him.

Sitting there in bed, eating a big steaming ball of chili.

Look at it, all dark and thick with chunks. I know chili when I see it.

I think he's eating brown soup.

No, it's not soup.

Geez, Jasper, if you can't tell the difference between brown soup and chili,

you're not allowed to look at my monitors.

Oh, Ray, now you're just being a child.

Mute the tube.

back to kid faker ray listen henry and i have been close friends like forever oh

get to the point boy i just think if you were faking being sick he would have

told me yeah guys do tell their best buddies everything

their thoughts their secrets that's true like when you told me about that time

you went to martha's vineyard don't talk about it schwoz jasper

I'm going to need you to go shave your chest.

My chest?

Why?

You're going to wear wire.

A wire?

Yeah. Schwoz is going to tape a secret microphone to your chest.

Wow.

And you're going to meet Henry at the Parkway Diner, where I'll be hiding

nearby. Oh, and then what?

You're going to ask Henry about this sickness, and I bet you he admits he's

faking it.

So I get to be like, like a spy?

Sure,

we'll call you 00... Zero.

Yes!

It's all happening.

There. Now, this is your microphone right here by your nipple.

All right.

Let's go bust a faker.

Okay, so now will you let me out of here?

No, you could still warn Henry, so... You gotta stay in there till we prove

faking. And what happens if I need a restroom?

I already handled that.

I am not using this jar!

Good news for the jar.

Let's go.

Oh, Schwoz. Uh, two things.

Yes? Don't let Charlotte out of the tube until after we get back.

Aye. And what's number two?

Don't eat any worms.

Oh, but... No buts, no worms.

Oh.

Bye.

Okay, Schwoz, let me out of this tube.

Oh, no, no, no, no, no, no, no. You heard what Ray said about you and worms.

You better listen to me, Schwoz, because if you don't let me out of the tube...

Scott, let's kill it.

Now just let me enjoy my vans.

Hey, Char, what's up?

Bad things.

Bad things are up. Why? What's wrong?

Ray didn't believe you were really sick, so he sent Schwoz to your house,

disguised as an Italian plumber, so he could insult cameras with microphones in

your house. In my house?

Yeah. And Ray and Schwoz have been spying...

all day, watching everything, including you eating a bowl of brown soup.

But that was my private brown soup time.

And now, Ray's making Jasper wear a microphone so we can meet you at the

Diner to try to trick you into admitting that you're not really sick.

What? But I am sick. Why would I... Wait, Jasper's gonna be wearing a wire?

Yeah, and Ray's gonna be at that diner listening to every word you say.

Oh, okay.

Well, if Ray wants to listen to what I have to tell Jasper...

Then I'm going to make sure I say something good.

Right.

Checking the equipment.

Slippery, slimy snake.

Actually, it wasn't meant for you.

Hey. Hi, Henry.

What's up?

You can tell me.

We've been friends for... So?

So, even if you have a secret, I'm the perfect person for you to tell.

Oh, God, he's the worst.

Well, uh... Great.

Because... You know how I've been calling in sick to work?

Yeah? Well...

I was faking.

I knew it!

Why'd you tell Ray you were sick?

You swear I can totally trust you?

Sure. I mean, I'd never betray a friend.

Well...

I'm

done being Ray's sidekick.

You don't want to fight crime anymore?

No, I do, but... I mean, dude, we don't... We don't need Captain Man.

But Ray's indestructible. You can't just get rid of Captain Man.

Well, see, I've been working secretly with Dr.

Maniac. No!

Yeah, man.

We've been developing this weapon that can melt Captain Man.

And check this out.

What's raised out of the picture? Yeah?

Come here.

Come here.

Yeah, all the way. Come here.

I'm going to take over and make you my sidekick.

Go.

Raise our friend.

We can't...

Sir, whatever you need me to do, I'll do. All right, Henry.

How'd you know Jasper was wearing a wire?

Because I'm not an idiot.

Ray, I didn't know you also come to this restaurant.

Give it up, son.

I can't believe you spied on me.

Yeah, well, I wouldn't have had to do all this if you hadn't lied to me about

being sick for three days. Well, I wasn't lying, dude. I had a... cold and

the flu or something. Oh, yeah, because everyone with the flu loves to sit

around eating big old honking bowls of chili.

Yeah, I saw it.

It was brown soup. Brown soup. Okay.

I knew it was brown soup.

Look, just admit that you were never sick.

Apologize. We can forget this whole thing. I was sick, okay? And I still am.

my God, you're such a faker. A faker?

Why would I fake this? Because you don't want to come to work. It's your little

pocket. You have no sense of responsibility.

Ask my dad. Call him right now. Be there at work tomorrow, okay?

I'm angry. I'm tired. I don't want to come to work. I'm serious, dude.

Can you back up a little bit?

Oh, for the full performance? So I can get the whole Emmy Award winning

performance? I'm not joking.

What are you doing now?

Yeah,

that's brown soup.