Original subtitles

You all heard the bell?

Get to class!

Now!

Go on, get to class!

Now! I mean it!

Henry, stop!

Uh, Miss Chapin? Yeah, what?

Why are you... riding a tricycle?

Oh, because last night, right before I fell asleep, I stepped in cat food.

And? And by the time I woke up, my cats had eaten part of my left foot.

Oh, my God.

Now, Henry, I'm thinking of a number between one and a hundred.

That's cool for you.

Guess what the number is. Oh, uh, thirty...

The number was... Pick another number.

Uh, 74.

Wrong. Now you have to do me a favor.

Why? Because you picked the wrong number.

May I just go to class, please?

No. Just stand there and say something every once in a while.

You too, Curly Sue.

Now this favor is about my niece, Noelle.

Ooh, I love the name Noelle.

Don't talk yet, Charlotte.

My niece is coming to visit here in Swellview.

Okay. And normally I would have her stay with me, but she's allergic to cats.

Oh. And nuts.

Cats and nuts.

My cousin's allergic to nuts.

Perfect timing.

You see, Charlotte, that's how you chime in.

What was I talking about?

Uh, your niece, Noelle, is allergic to cats. And nuts.

Even nut dust.

Noelle to stay at your house.

Why my house? Because you guessed the wrong number.

Hi. Aunt Sharona?

Oh, hey.

That's her.

Noelle, this is Henry. You'll be crashing at his place.

Hi. Hey.

It's really cool to meet you. Stay at my house.

What? What are you doing? I mean, Noelle needs a place to stay. Well, she can

stay at my house. I don't have any cats or nothing. Well, neither do I. I mean,

Miss J, but I can totally... Hey, who gets the number wrong? Me. I get wrong.

That means she has to stay at my house. Right, Noelle? Thank you.

Oh, man, this is pathetic.

Oh, Charlotte, will you please get to class?

Yeah, I know you're annoying me.

Come on, you pushed my last girlfriend out of a window. Okay. Only because she

was chasing Charlotte with a power tool.

All right, all right.

What's this back and forth banter about?

Okay, when two guys, who are buddies, like the same girl, which guy gets her?

Yeah, which guy gets her?

Gets her?

What does that mean?

Oh, I think they mean which guy obtains her.

Yeah, like... gets to have her for his own.

You guys, but Chapin's niece is a person. She's not yours to get or have.

She's not the last half of a sandwich.

What's she saying?

I'm saying you should both ask her out and maybe let Noelle decide which one of

you she wants to go out with.

I'm sorry. I'm sorry.

Let her decide.

Genius.

guys afraid to ask noelle which one of you she wants to go out with yeah afraid

no i doubt it all right i'm not afraid i am so sure i fear no man

hey i i just don't want you to be upset when noelle chooses to take

the j train okay

Well, the only thing more powerful than the J -train is the H -bomb.

I'm sorry, H -bomb, but here come the J -train.

Chugga -chugga, chugga -chugga, chugga -chugga!

Boom! Chugga -chugga, chugga -chugga, chugga -chugga! Chugga -chugga, chugga

-chugga, chugga -chugga!

Chugga -chugga, chugga -chugga, chugga -chugga!

It all just kind of happened. I wanted an after -school job, but then an

indestructible superhero hired me to be his sidekick.

Now we blow bubbles and fight crime.

Feels good.

The answer is no.

Oh, come on, Mom!

No. Dad!

Well? No.

No.

I don't get why it's such a big deal.

We don't get why it's such a big deal.

I mean, I see why it's such a big deal. I just... I'm sorry, what?

Mom, it's one date with one boy. You are too young to go on dates with boys.

I know what's going on here.

You guys just don't like the idea of me going out with Kale. Now, Piper. It's

true. You think Kale's a loser just because his dad has no job and because

mom drives a dirty bus.

Well, I don't feel comfortable having this conversation about Kale while he's

the room.

Oh, you're going to be so sad when Noelle chooses me. This is going to be

All right, man. I can't wait to ask her. Oh, I wish you would ask her. Chugga

-chugga.

You can't keep doing that.

Hey, Henry. Your teacher's niece is upstairs getting settled in the guest

Good. Yeah.

Good for me.

Excuse me.

Mom? Dad?

I won't be available this Saturday night because I will be taking our house

guests on a date.

Stop.

Don't scoff at me. I scoff.

Because I... we'll be taking noel on a date this saturday wait you're saying

that you have a date this saturday night yeah that's right okay if i go on a

double date with henry or jasper then can i go out with kale look your mom and

agree you are too young to be actually if it's a double date with henry or

jasper then i guess it's okay and that's final

Piper, did you need me?

Yeah. This Saturday night, my brother Henry and this guy Jasper both want to

take you on a date.

Oh, my gosh. Yeah, yeah. Pick one.

Um, I mean, this is a little awkward, but I guess Jasper.

Yeah, baby.

A chug -a -chug -a -choo -choo on that.

Wait, wait, wait.

This is a classic mix -up.

Noelle, I think you're confused.

I'm Henry.

That's Jasper.

I'm... I'm this one.

I know. And you're very sweet, but... Jasper, I'd love to go out with you on

Saturday night.

Whoa, whoa, whoa, wait. What?

Yes! Hey, Kale, you and me Saturday night. Go buy a new shirt.

KK.

I... I don't mean to be... It's just... Why him?

Well, I don't know.

I guess I just like his smile.

Hey.

What you doing?

I don't want to talk about it.

He's pouting because Noelle wanted to go out with the J train and not the H

bomb.

I said I don't want to talk about it, so let's not talk about it, all right? How

about that?

Okay,

okay.

So where'd Jasper take her for dinner? Uh, I don't know.

They went to some new restaurant called The Basement.

The Basement?

Where's that?

Noelle found it. She said it's supposed to have amazing seafood.

Oh, wow.

Oh, amazing seafood. I sure hope Jasper doesn't choke on a shrimp.

Hey, you know what'll cheer up a teenage patty pants?

Cleaning the boss's bathroom.

I don't think that... I'm serious.

Would you prefer this pink one?

Uh -oh.

What's up?

Emergency. Looks like it's a video from the Swelvey police.

Kid Danger, listen.

We just found a kid lying in this alley, and his teeth are all gone.

But my partner and I need to go.

Because we've got to take our wives to see that show, Mama Mia.

So we're going to leave the kid with no teeth here, lying in the alley.

No, no. What?

Bye.

Let's just go.

I mean, at least it's something to do.

Fine, whatever.

Charlotte, if you get bored here, there's a toilet up in my bathroom that

really use a good scrubbing.

And now I don't have a pink toilet brush. Great.

Come on. Hey.

Whoa, whoa, whoa. Hey, hey, hey. It's all right. It's all right.

You get on your feet?

There you go. There you go.

I'm Captain Man. You don't need to introduce yourself.

What's your name?

Imagine.

Imagine.

Son, what happened to you?

Okay, we're not going to be able to understand this freak.

He has no teeth. It's really hard to talk without teeth.

Yeah, you're probably right.

Here, hold this.

Gentlemen. Just a second, fellas.

I notice you're both old.

So, by any chance, do either of you have false teeth?

What did I say?

Thinking that all old... People have false teeth is a stereotype, okay? And

don't like stereotypes.

Oh.

But do either of you wear false teeth?

Yes, we both do.

I see.

Well, on my authority as Captain Man, I need to borrow your false teeth.

Okay.

Thanks. Okay,

son. Open your mouth and I'll try to get these in there.

There we go.

All right.

Now, try to tell us your name.

I'm Sebastian.

Sebastian.

Sebastian. I thought you said Samantha.

That's a girl's name. That's a girl's name.

Sebastian.

So what happened? Yeah, what happened?

Well.

I met this girl and she asked me out to dinner.

But then she took me to this place called the basement.

Basement? Wait.

Wait, that's where Noelle took... Took you -know -who to dinner?

Yeah, Noelle. That was the girl's name.

Son, do you remember anyone else from this basement?

No.

Wait, yeah. There was a man.

She called him Drillfinger.

Drillfinger. Oh, my God.

Help us!

We're stuck in here!

Help us! We need help!

Help us!

Please! Help us! Shut up!

Noelle, why would you do this to me?

Because I want money.

And because I don't care about you.

I appreciate your honesty.

Now prepare to have your teeth removed.

Yeah, feel the face.

Pull his lips up.

We gotta get out of here.

Piper, try to reach inside my pants pocket and pull out what's inside.

Okay. What is this?

My lip balm.

What are you going to do with it?

Moisturize my lips. They are really chapped.

A future?

No. They need teeth.

That's right.

Young, strong, healthy teeth.

And they're willing to pay for it.

See this?

See the...

Help me. Whoa, wait. What are you going to do?

It's coming in. It's in danger.

You threw me through the door.

Well, the past is the past.

All right, drill finger.

What? I'm taking you downtown.

before and you broke my drill finger yeah well i'm indestructible

what'd you think was gonna happen and kid toss me that thing okay but it's

here hurry kid

Finger. Dad, that's not as good!

Kid, you release those three, round up those elderlies and that evil teenage

girl.

Hey, can you release me next?

Why you?

Because I need some lip balm. My lips are getting drier by the minute.

Here, use my lip balm.

But I'll get your germs. Yeah, lucky you.

Make money?

We're in a romper?

You disgust me. Come on. I disgust you?

I really disgust you?

Well,

your actions disgust me.

But physically, you know, you make me happy.

Maybe you could change me.

You know, teach me to be a better person.

Oh, man.

Kit, are you letting that girl trick you into kissing her? What? No. Ew, gross.

I don't want to kiss her. Gross.

Well, good.

Did you just wait outside for like 20 minutes? Kit, you know what? Fine. No,

you're going to jail. Let's go. Come on.

No kisses for you. Trying to trick me.

Wearing a romper.

Almost.