Original subtitles

Test. Test one.

Puh. Puh.

Potato pants.

Pretty Polly wore purple potato pants to her Purim party in Pittsburgh.

Anyway, how's that sound?

Painful. Please. Puh -thop.

Okay, let's start the podcast.

All right, bro, let's cast our pod. All right.

In five, four, three, two... Hello, and welcome to Deep in the Man

Cave!

This is the very first podcast starring your very own Captain Man and Kid Dink.

Hold up, I got a text, sorry.

Dang it!

Look, this isn't live. We can start again.

Okay, why don't we just start World War II again?

Why don't we just call up Leonardo da Vinci and say, Hey, Leon, could you

the Eiffel Tower again?

Okay.

Take two.

Yep. Okay.

In five, four, three, two... Hello!

And welcome to... Deep in the Mad Cave!

Yes, sirree. This is the very first podcast.

Starring your very own Captain Man and... Kid Danger.

That's right.

So, Henry, a couple months ago, you and I got into a little scuffle with the

stupidest criminal of the 12 of you, a guy named Jeff.

Remember that guy? What a character he was, huh?

You called me Henry. I can't hear what you're saying. You called me Henry.

You've got to call me Kid Danger.

Okay, that one wasn't my fault.

Can we just do the Ding Dang Podcast?

I'm sitting here.

In five, four, three, two, hello, and welcome to...

So... We have an emergency.

Oh, what? What is it? It's Jasper. Oh, good.

He says that some crazy man is at school sending a bunch of snakes loose in the

hallway.

Snakes? I guarantee you, that's not happening.

But Jasper said... Oh, who cares? Jasper, who cares?

Last week, Jasper called it an emergency because he saw a cloud shaped like a

dinosaur.

Yeah, remember the 4th of July when he got all freaked out by the fireworks

because he thought America was being attacked by Canada? Yeah.

I'd like to see Canada try to attack us.

Well, before you guys ignore this, you better watch the video Jasper just

texted.

Hey, it's me, Jasper, and I'm in the school hallway.

Oh, my God, look, a snake!

Oh, and there's more snakes, see?

Hurry!

Come on, we've got to go check this out.

Great. Yeah, let's ruin our... afternoon to go help Jasper.

Ooh, somebody's got his man -tease in a bunch today.

Uh, I don't wear man -tease, thank you. Ray, I wear boys' underwear.

Come on.

Hop the tube.

Stupid Jasper, I swear to God.

It all just kind of happened. I wanted an after -school job, but then an

indestructible superhero hired me to be his sidekick. Now we blow bubbles and

fight crime.

I have no idea what you just said, but I'll assume it was a threat, so...

Hey! I'm here!

Finally! What took you so long?

He made us stop and get shaved ice.

I like the watermelon.

I like the watermelon.

Okay, what's up with these snakes? I don't know!

Look, there's one right over there.

What, you mean this fake snake over here?

Uh... How do you know it's fake? I don't think it's fake. Yeah.

Come on.

They sell these things for five bucks a pop at the Swellview County Fair.

You seriously thought that this thing was real?

It's real! It's real!

Well, you could be such a baby.

Oh, look. There's more snakes over there.

Well,

how'd they get there?

That freak brought them.

I saw him pulling snakes out of a sack.

So I hit him with that fire extinguisher and tied him up with these extension

cords.

You!

Jed, the janitor! I swear, I hate you more than I hate myself.

Okay, well, someone tell us what's going on here. Well, I saw... I'll tell you

what happened.

This school has... So I rented this protective suit and helmet and bought 25

snakes so they'd eat the rats.

See?

No emergency.

I knew it. I knew it, I knew it, I knew it.

Way to go, Jasper.

But I... I'm going to be talking about this in my podcast.

You can count on that.

Can I please...

That's her teacher, Miss Chapin. Oh, yeah.

Uh... Kid, go handle that. What?

I don't know how to handle a snake bite.

Just go over there, put her elbow in your mouth, and start out the poison.

But... But that's gross.

It's the only way to save her life. Now get over there. No, I don't think I... I

don't think I... Okay.

It's gonna be okay.

It's all right.

The next two months, I don't want to hear about any more crimes from you. We

clear? What if I see a burglary in progress? You shut up.

What if I witness road rage? You shut up.

What if I hear a ticking bomb?

Just chill.

Oh, and shut up.

Don't untie that self -loathing janitor.

Come on, Kid Danger.

We've got a podcast to do.

Wouldn't a little girl on Christmas morning be happy?

Well, imagine she's weird and has no friends.

Oh, there's the back doorbell. I'll be back in two jips.

trouble now, Mitch.

Oh, yeah?

What happened?

Who took my candy boot?

Him. Check it out. Candy boot.

I didn't take it. He took it. No, he who holds it, dolds it.

What? Yeah, that is the familiar expression.

Careful, Mr. Sugarman.

This guy could be dangerous.

Dangerous? My favorite soup is broth.

Well, good.

then in jail they can call you the hot broth burglar.

Mr.

Sugarman, you know me. I'm on your wall.

You were.

Yeah, nice.

You know, now you better call the cops.

Right.

Yeah,

call the cops. Just as long as you don't call Captain Manicade Danger.

Captain Man and Kid Danger on that piece of punk.

Oh, you bet I will.

I brought all that from home.

Ah, he's a good boy.

Okay.

Captain Man and Kid Danger first podcast.

Take four.

Hello, and welcome to... Deep in the Man Cave.

Yes, sirree, this is the very first podcast during your very own...

Give me a roasted chicken.

Roasted chicken?

Hey, dude, you don't have time to eat a chicken.

I'm not going to eat it.

Okay,

that chicken did nothing to you.

Two wait here while Kid Danger and I go interrogate the suspect.

Yeah.

Whatever his name is.

They call him the Hot Broth Burglar.

No, they don't!

Do you see that? Do you see his violent nature?

Hey, hey, hey! Put down the jelly beans. Put the jelly beans down.

Okay.

Did you really try to steal that candy boot? Of course I didn't. Mitch, frame

me.

Ah, okay.

Crime solved.

Now can we go do our podcast?

Wait.

What am I going to do? Mr. Sugarman wants to put me in jail. Okay, relax.

not going to jail.

We're just going to make him think you are. All right.

All right, sir.

Kid Danger and I are going to take this rotten, curly -haired misfit to jail.

That's right.

Ha! Good.

Hey, Captain Man. Yeah, Danger.

Uh, Officer. Hello.

Yeah, we were just walking by and we saw you guys in here. Need our help?

Uh, no. No, no, no, no. Everything's fine. Everything's copacetic. Wait a

minute.

I've seen this kid before.

Oh, yeah. Didn't he get arrested last year at Thrillview Park? Right.

For using the lady's bathroom.

That's messed up, man.

No. That was the only cause my friends blew a fist or something.

Hey, and didn't you also get arrested last Christmas in City Hall for wearing

more than one hat simultaneously?

Well, and today he tried to steal this.

That's right, he did.

No, I didn't. I was just holding it. Well, you know what they say.

He who holds it, stole it.

Okay, someone get me a dictionary and show me the word stole.

Look, officers, no worries. We got this. We're going to take him to jail. Yeah.

Come on. You and Kid Danger, you do so much to help this city. No, no, it's

fine. It's honestly fine, officers. No, no, no, no, no, no. It's on the way.

That's a man. Kid Danger, they're cuffing me.

No more jokes. He's in your future, kid.

He's not resisting.

He's resisting.

We're going.

We're going.

Jasper's gonna be spending the night at my place tonight.

Who cares?

Oh, you don't care?

Nope. I gotta go.

Okay. Yo, how are we gonna get Jasper out of jail?

I don't know.

Well, it's his third strike.

And if they convict him, he could get 20 years.

Then we better figure out a way to prove that Mitch is the one who tried to

steal that stupid candy boot.

Oh, it's Ray.

Yeah, okay.

About Jasper?

Better. Got some new ideas for a podcast.

Okay. Ray, it's the middle of the night, I got school in the morning, and one of

my best friends is looking at a possible 20 years in jail.

You know, I'm starting to feel like I care way more about this podcast than

do. Oh, really? Probably because you do.

You hear that?

All he cares about is recording his dumb podcast.

Well, I think I got something better for you to record.

What? Mitch.

You want me to do a podcast with Mitch? No.

I'm saying you wear a wire.

Oh, like a microphone. Uh -huh. Okay. And then at school, you casually start a

conversation with Mitch, get him to admit that he's the one who really tried

steal the candy boot, then we take the recording to the cops, and boom,

out.

Okay. Okay, that's good.

But, I mean, how am I going to get Mitch to admit it?

Dude, you're like a million times smarter than he is.

You really think so?

Hey, can you guys hear me okay?

Yeah, kid, we hear you.

We're in a van across the street.

Okay, cool. Just get as close to Mitch as you can and try to get him to admit

that he's the one that stole the fried foot.

The candy boot.

Oh, it matters.

Okay.

Here I go.

So, this is your van?

This is my old van.

I have a way better one.

The man -man.

Well, where is the man -man?

Schwoz took it to go see Charlie Puth.

Really? Schwoz is a poother?

Yeah, yeah, a big poother.

Hey, Mitch.

Yeah, what do you want, Hart? Nothing, nothing. I just, uh, I heard that you

that jerk.

Jasper Dunlop get arrested at that mouth candy store.

Oh, yeah. Yeah, man. It was hilarious.

Oh, yeah. You know, you didn't even do nothing wrong.

I was the one who tried to steal the candy boot.

That is awesome.

I know, man.

All right.

We'll see you. All right, man. Take care. Okay.

Guys, I did it. I did it. Did you hear me?

I just think that Schwab would be more into music like...

No, he was in the booth like way before it was cool.

Guys, did you hear him admit it?

Hello? Can you guys hear me?

We were just talking about music. What's going on?

What's going on?

I just got Mitch to admit that he's the one who stole the candy boot.

Were you not recording?

Uh, no.

Charlie forgot to hit record. Sorry.

I forgot.

Come on, guys.

Uh, just get him to say it again.

Okay, fine, but you press record, okay? You press it right now.

Recording. Thank you.

Uh, what is this?

Uh, that was either a banana or a hot dog.

Hey, Mitch!

Dude, we're not even friends. No, I know.

I know, I'm just...

Still not clear on, you know, exactly what happened at that store, Mouth

All right, man, let me tell you one more time. Okay.

Good, good, good.

And the guy who owns the place went into the back.

Yeah? I.

Gotcha!

There's a dead bird in my locker.

I know.

Read the note on his leg.

want to be my girl.

No, thank you. I have to go now.

Oh, well.

Be free.

Lazy.

Late.

Henry,

what's happening?

Yeah, this isn't going to work. That's what's happening.

Hey, kid.

You know what'll make you feel a lot better?

What? Doing a podcast.

Okay, listen, Ray. I'm not going to do podcasts with you or anyone else until

Mitch confesses and my friend Jasper's out of jail, all right?

Please? No!

All right, fine!

Keep recording.

What are you going to do?

What I should have done a long time ago.

You mean clean this van?

Where's Mitch Bilski?

Bilski!

Admit that you framed Jasper Dunlop. You can't force me to...

Admit it! So I don't have to punch you in the face and smash your

groin.

You wouldn't hurt a kid.

Oh, please.

You look at least 26 years old.

Fair point.

You're the one that tried to steal the candy boot. Okay, okay, I did it. I

framed Jasper.

I'm a thief, and I'm a bad person, and Jasper's, like, a really great guy.

Charlotte, did you get that?

Yep, got it.

Now, I've got a podcast to do.

And everything I need for that podcast better be there in the next ten minutes.

Don't do drugs.

Uh, what?

Mom? Oh, okay, be right there.