Original subtitles

We come to Copa to be discovered.

We come to Copa to be found.

And to get round another Gable or Darcy May be uncovered.

And soon soon soon we'll be Hollywood bound!

Hollywood Hollywood bound!

Waiting for Goldwyn.

And David O Selznick.

For Leo McCarey and the rest.

They find me willing and able to sign a contract.

That's all. So give them a test. Give them a test.

I can emote and leave my soul there.

Something like Miss Claudette Colbert.

Make you put a hankie to your eyes.

Like another Alice Fayworth.

Or another Rita Hayworth.

If Jane Russell made it, so can I.

Take good care of this. And at 10 o'clock, give it a saucer of milk.

Hey, beautiful.

Don't you think you're wasting your time...

hanging around here with all these empty hats and coats?

Is this the big agent you came here to see?

Why are you always chasing women?

I'll tell you as soon as I catch one.

Liggett, you big-time agents give me a pain in the neck.

How do you expect me to run a high-class club with the same old tired acts?

But that's exactly what I'm getting at, Steve.

Did you ever see a list of names like...

- Excuse me, Mr. Liggett. - Yes, what is it?

I have a card. Two people waiting to see you.

Navarro and Devereaux? Never heard of them.

- Throw them out. - Yes, sir.

Give me a favor, Steve. Don't ever become an agent.

You waste half your time being annoyed by small-time dames looking for work.

Here comes the maître d'. Looks like he's in a good mood.

I guess we get to see Nichols this time.

I'm sorry. But I must ask you to leave quietly.

Leave? Why, what do you mean?

Just a minute. Did you give my card to Mr. Liggett?

Yes. And he doesn't want to see you.

Now please. No fuss. No excitement.

This is the Copa.

This is an outrage.

You'll hear from my lawyer as soon as he gets a telephone.

Gentlemen!

Please. No fuss. No excitement. This is the Copa.

Please. No fuss. This is the Copa.

I feel like I'm walking on air.

You are.

Take a left at the next corner.

You wait here.

Well?

Not yet. The clerk is still awake.

Oh Lionel, I can not stand this kind of life any more.

Why don't we get married?

Let's not rush into marriage. We can't even get into a hotel.

At least if we got married, we could live in one room. Instead of two.

It would only cost half as much.

How much cheaper could it be? We're not paying anything now.

I don't think you want to marry me.

How can you say that? We've been engaged for almost 10 years.

Okay. I think he's asleep.

I guess we got by him all right.

I heard that!

It's your fault. We should have climbed up the drain pipe like we always do.

Aha! Sleeping on the job. A fine night clerk!

Suppose some crook tried to sneak out of here without paying his bill.

You mean instead of trying to sneak in?

Mr Devereaux, I'm sorry to tell you this.

But Mr. Green the manager said

if your bills are paid by tonight, we'll be forced to lock you out.

Here you are. There's a bill for Miss Navarro's room.

And a bill for your room.

That's a fine way to treat a permanent guest.

You realize I've run up a bigger bill than anyone else in this hotel?

Oh well. Why quibble? Let me have a check.

A blank one. Like that expression on your face.

- What bank do you do business with? - Second National Trust.

Are you sure they are good for that much money?

Oh that's a big bank.

You have to be careful with banks these days.

A lot of my checks have been coming back recently.

There you are.

Just one little detail, Mr. Devereaux. He didn't sign it.

Naturally.

Without your signature, it's worthless.

That's what you think.

It's perfectly good now. But if I sign it, it really would be worthless.

I can't hand Mr. Green an unsigned check.

Oh. Trying to influence me to pass bad checks, eh?

You know that's a penitentiary offense?

Mr. Devereaux. Just a minute.

Oh. Hello, Mr. Green.

I just gave your clerk my check.

Yes. I have it right here in my hand.

Now listen, Devereaux. You and I both know that check is no good.

Oh I thought only I knew it.

But one of these days, with an act like ours.

Navarro & Devereaux will be right up there with...

Take it easy. Take it easy. I've seen your act.

Now let me ask you a very simple question.

Wouldn't you much rather live at the Waldorf, instead of a fleabag like this?

Wouldn't you rather eat at 21 instead of those sidearm beaneries where you eat now?

Sure! Wouldn't? Who wouldn't? But how?

Split up the act!

Split up the act? Oh I couldn't do that to Carmen.

You don't understand. I'm suggesting she do it to you.

My boy, I've watched them come and go in this hotel for the past 30 years.

Seal acts. Dog acts. Tumblers. Jugglers. Tap dancers.

But you are without a doubt the most untalented man I've ever seen.

Oh I wouldn't say that.

No but I would.

How you ever got off stage without being

killed by the outraged customers I don't know.

There must be something you can do besides what you've been doing.

Well, I've come to the end of my patience with you.

Now I'll give you just 24 hours to pay that bill.

Otherwise, I'll be forced to lock you out.

You haven't gotten an extra cigar on you, have you?

Cigars are sold at the cigar counter.

Come in.

Lionel, what took you so long?

I just had a heart-to-heart talk with the manager.

Are they going to throw us out?

Don't be silly. They wouldn't throw the best act in show business out of the hotel.

I know but what about us?

What about eating?

Okay.

Dinner is ready.

Good. I haven't had breakfast yet.

- Peanuts! Where did you get them? - I've got friends.

Come in. Bring your son with you.

What's the matter? You think you're a wiseguy, huh?

Why you steal my monkey's dinner, huh?

Oh well.

Fish!

Holy mackerel. Can't a guy eat in piece?

It's a gentleman with a trained seal act.

You're very lucky. I just happened to catch a trout in my inside pocket.

The next time you steal my seal's dinner, I'll slug you silly.

Come on, Genevieve.

That's the trouble with this country.

Too many animals taking the food right out of people's mouths.

You could live in Waldorf. You could eat at the Colony.

- You said 21. - Pardon me. I mean 21.

What's this 21? At a time like this, you want to play card games?

Carmen, how would you like to live at the Waldorf?

How would you like to dine at 21?

How would you like to wear diamond bracelets up to your elbows?

Lionel, I don't mind if you give bad checks.

But don't do anything dishonest like stealing.

I'm sick and tired of being a pauper. Making people laugh.

What people?

Well, that's beside the point.

Anyway, I've given my farewell performance.

I'm retiring from the acting profession.

But, Lionel, you mean...?

From now on, I'm going to be your agent.

My agent? But why?

We haven't been able to get in agent. That's why we haven't been eating.

You're a great performer. But somebody's got to go out and sell you.

And who knows you as well as I do?

But Lionel, how can you be an agent?

You have no office. No big list of clients.

Mere details. They will think I have the biggest list of clients on Broadway.

But I will concentrate on my top star. You.

Why, I'll have a magnificent suite of offices.

You'll have to go through 20 secretaries before you get to see my secretary.

And then the money will start rolling in by the millions.

Before you know it, I'll have more money than you know what to do with.

What are you doing?

I just dropped my last nickel.

I'll go downstairs to the main room and find the manager.

You sneak through the cocktail lounge and find the dressing rooms.

- How tall are you? - Five foot three.

- Color of your eyes? - Dark brown.

- Dance? - Yes.

- Do you do ballet? - Yes.

- Zapateado? - Yes.

The show has formal weeks to run before we go into rehearsal.

I'll take your names and telephone numbers.

And the girls we decide on will get a phone call.

- Your name? - Marjorie Kelly. Scarlet 28125.

Linda Lesur. Pennsylvania 62183.

If I'm not home, my husband will take the message.

Sylvia Roberts. Prospect 7262.

- Six what? - Six two.

Hey wait a minute. Where are you going?

Me? I'm Andy Russell. I sing here.

Oh excuse me, Andy. I didn't recognize you.

So you're Andy Russell?

I don't know why I'm surprised. You look like Andy Russell.

Especially on a clear day.

Say. Who are you?

I just dropped in to see my lifelong pal Steve Hunt.

Oh your lifelong pal? He's right over there at the table.

Thanks.

Which one is he?

The one in the gray suit.

Listen, babe.

Yes.

How'd you like to see your name in lights?

Why? Are you an electrician?

No but I've got some good connections.

Which one did you say he was?

The one in the gray suit.

Well Steve Hunt. My lifelong pal!

You haven't changed a bit.

- Do I know you? - Do you know me?

Lionel Q. Devereaux, your old room mate at Yale.

I never went to Yale.

Remember those good old days in Erasmus High?

I never went to Erasmus high.

At least remember when we graduated from public school in '27.

No.

Say for a man with no education, you've done all right.

Listen, Steve. Sit down in the chair.

Because when I tell you this, you're gonna fall right out of it.

I've got the star for your show.

I don't know. I've had a lot of trouble with you agents lately.

So you don't mind if my secretary takes notes, do you?

Not at all. Not if I get a copy for my files.

Matter of fact. I might even get a file if I get enough copies.

Take notes, Anne.

Now Steve, my boy. The greatest star in Brazil has just landed in New York.

And I'm offering it to you first. Why?

Well because you're my old kindergarten pal.

What is it?

Carmen Navarro.

Never heard of her.

Did you ever hear of her, Anne?

No, I never heard of her, Mr. Hunt.

- Andy! - Yes, Mr. Hunt.

Did you ever hear of a dame named Carmen Navarro?

Well to tell you the truth...

Why do you have to tell him the truth?

Well...

Me give you my version of the truth.

She's the greatest discovery since penicillin.

- Isn't that right, Andy? - Sure. Terrific.

Certainly did a lot for my throat.

Who, Carmen?

No, penicillin.

There you are. If a great singer like Andy says she's good, she must be good.

If she's so good, why didn't you tip me off?

I didn't know she was in town.

Steve, if you wanted a South American singer, why didn't you tell me?

I've got 16 on my list. They're a dime a dozen.

See here, Liggett. You keep out of this or I'll have the boys take care of you.

What boys?

Oh just boys.

What do you say?

All right. All right. Bring her in for an audition.

Well I'll try. But it may take a lot of persuasion.

What did you say her name was?

She sure took a lot of persuading.

At least 3 seconds.

Plenty of pepper, huh?

And a nice shaker too.

What do you think of her, boss?

Outside of nuts, she's the greatest thing that ever came out of Brazil.

Outside of nuts.

I like her.

- Great. - She'll do.

I knew you'd be crazy about her.

Now if we move fast, I think we can get her.

Which will probably take another 3 seconds.

What other acts do you handle?

I need a a singer for my cocktail lounge!

A chanteuse.

Right now I'm concentrating on Carmen.

If you ask me, he's only got one client.

Is that so? How many clients have you got?

I've got so many clients, they get in my hair.

This guy must handle a flea circus.

Well, Devereaux, let's see your list of clients.

My list of clients? Oh yes. My list of clients.

- Do you have a list, haven't you? - Well of course.

A fine agent I'd be without a list. Or without clients.

Where is it?

Oh here it is. In the last pocket. It's always in the last pocket.

Believe me. The next suit I get isn't going to have a last pocket.

Okay, come on. Who you got?

Now let's see. There's uh...

How about Silky Malden?

Silky Maiden sounds like a horse.

Of course. It's a horse act. Nothing for an intimate cocktail lounge.

What else you got?

Well, there's uh... Ruba Rubitchka.

Ruba? What's that?

Ruba Rubitchka. The greatest snake charmer of Czechoslovakia!

But you wouldn't want snakes in your cocktail lounge.

People might think they're seeing them. And stop drinking your liquor.

How about Carmen?

Anybody else?

Well there's uh Finnegan's Daughter.

I mean, Grace Finnegan. Grace Finnegan.

- Never heard of her. - Never heard of her?

She did the mile in two...

Grace Finnegan, the greatest knife thrower in Australia!

- Is she good? - Good?

Yes killed the audience. And her partner too.

Now you take Carmen.

Knife throwers. Snake charmers.

Haven't you got another singer?

There's a chanteuse. Mademoiselle Fifi!

Oh boy, I'd like to see her.

Jack Armstrong, the all-American boy.

How about this Mademoiselle Fifi?

Steve, pal of my cradle days,

it was any good, don't you think I'd have brought her in?

Let me decide that for myself. Bring her in tomorrow.

Bring her in tomorrow? But what about Carmen?

Don't you want her?

Forget Carmen. Bring in Fifi!

Forget Carmen and bring in Fifi?

You ought to go and get cured by penicillin.

Well, it is good for my throat.

So is a razor.

No, Lionel, no. It's too crazy.

I could not go back as Fifi when he already see me as Carmen.

It's ridiculous. He'd think I was twins or something.

Twins? Say that's an idea! Twins! Why couldn't you be Twins?

How can I be twins when one is born in Paris and the other in Brazil?

Why not? It's only four hours by plane. Twins.

Do you see what I see?

Je vous aime, mon petit, je vous adore.

My love, my dear treasure.

Je vous aime, mon petit, je vous adore.

Every day a little more,

And sing my sweet song.

My great folly, my reason.

Talk to me and tell me also.

Je vous aime, mon petit, je vous adore.

My love, my dear treasure.

Every day a little more,

And sing my sweet song.

Me great folly, my reason.

Talk to me and tell me also.

Je vous aime, mon petit, je vous adore.

I'd like to see her without that veil.

Impossible. No one but her lover is allowed to gaze upon her face.

Not even her husband.

It's an ancient Moroccan custom.

Moroccan? I thought you said she was French.

French Morocco. They just took it over a few days ago.

Ask her if she'd like to sing here at the Copa.

- Voila vous... - Yes, the man is a charm!

What did she say?

She said she's crazy about Carmen.

Carmen is wonderful.

- What a face. What a figure. - Great shape.

Compared to her, I am nothing.

Carmen is all right. But you are different.

I got an idea.

What is it?

I'll take them both.

You got yourself a deal. Both, oh? No no no.

Impossible!

Why impossible about it?

They're both available, aren't they?

Yes... No but...!

Ask Carmen to work here.

You told me yourself Carmen's at the Golden Slipper across the street. Remember?

You lied to me, huh?

Looks like he lied to me.

Right now, I wish I was lying in the gutter.

Look, Devereaux, you promised me Carmen.

I got it in writing. Deliver or I'll sue you for breach of contract.

Well now...

My heart was doing a bolero.

Under the stars in Rio de Janeiro.

Holding you, I was dazzled and electrified.

While a tiny little voice inside seemed to whisper.

Darling, this is the moment of moments.

I don't remember were we dancing.

Was a tango or was it a beguine?

All I know is that my heart was doing a bolero.

And you were so close to me in Rio de Janeiro.

My heart was doing a bolero.

Under the stars in Rio de Janeiro.

Holding you, I was dazzled and electrified

while a tiny little voice inside seemed to whisper.

Darling, this is the moment of moments.

I don't remember were we dancing.

Was it a tango or was it a beguine?

All I know is that my heart was doing a bolero.

And you were so close to me in Rio de Janeiro.

Say, dream girl. How'd you like to get in the movies?

Why? You got any passes?

No, but I can make a few.

- Who is it? - It's me, Lionel.

I was just looking for a shortcut.

Here I am, 80% lover, 20% agent.

20%? I thought you only get 10%.

Well, there's two of you. That's 10% apiece.

Oh, Lionel. I'm scared stiff. I cannot do it.

How can I be two people in one nightclub?

I don't know why not. It's very simple. I've got it all figured out.

- What's that? - Look. A timetable.

At 10 o'clock you're Carmen Navarro. That's easy. Isn't it?

You're downstairs at 10:01, singing as Carmen.

Finish at 10:06. You're back here at 10.07.

Start to change. Finish dressing at 1011.

Now you're Mademoiselle Fifi.

You leisurely race upstairs to the cocktail lounge.

Do your number as Mademoiselle Fifi.

You're a big hit. But you don't take a bow because you're due downstairs as Carmen.

By the way, how are you on roller skates?

Roller skates?

You finish her number as Carmen and get back here at 10:25.

Who do you think you are now?

- Carmen? - Wrong. Fifi.

With a little hasty and ingenuity,

you arrive upstairs to do your number as Mademoiselle Fifi.

Or is Carmen? No, it's Fifi.

It's 10:38. Now at 10:41, you rushed down...

Wait a minute. 10:38. 10:41. Three minutes are missing.

What do I do in the three minutes?

Don't you think we need a little time together?

All right, 2 min. At 10:40, you...

don't tell me, I know. I have a nervous break up.

Down.

Up for Fifi and down for Carmen.

It's no good, Lionel. It's no good.

Well, it's better than going to jail.

Jail? What did you do now?

I took a $300 advance on your salary.

Return it. Give it back.

I can't. I paid part of the hotel bill.

What happened to the rest?

- I invested it. - Oh you invested?

Well, when we going to get it back?

I won't know till after the fifth race.

Yeah?

- You're on in three minutes. - Thank you.

Mademoiselle Fifi.

Mademoiselle Fifi.

Shh. She's taking a nap.

I'm awfully sorry. She's on in 15 minutes.

I'll tell her.

Ladies and gentlemen. The management of the Copacabana...

presents the debut...

Of another South American artist.

Miss Carmen Navarro.

PS. Mr. Hunt says...

Keep your eye on this girl. She may go places.

She's not a peanut vendor. No no.

She's not an old clothes mender. Oh no.

How the senoritas all sigh.

Whenever he passes by.

Ay, ay.

He hasn't got a thing to sell.

He hasn't got a thing to sell.

He hasn't got a thing to sell.

No umbrellas, no bananas.

No mandolins or violins or pianos.

So if you hear him shout or yell.

Or if you hear him ring your bell.

He hasn't got a thing to sell.

No tomatoes. Enchiladas.

Ain't no rice or peas or coconuts or picatas.

But oh how I can make love.

It sends me up to heavens above.

Oh wow.

- You see what I mean? - What you mean?

My heart jumps like a Mexican bean.

He hasn't got nothing to sell.

I haven't got a thing to sell.

We haven't got a thing to sell.

No umbrellas. No bananas.

There are no mandolins. Or violins. Or pianos.

Carmen, you were an erupting volcano tonight. Magnificent!

Wonderful! Really wonderful.

Carmen!

Congratulations on the swell debut.

Yeah, the customers really went for you in a big way.

Oh thank you, both.

We thank you both. Carmen, hop on it. We got fast change.

What's the hurry? She's got plenty of time.

That's what you think.

Carmen, why don't you and I go up to the cocktail lounge

and listen to Fifi together?

Andy, why don't you go vocalize? I'll take Miss Navarro up to hear Fifi.

Oh, Mr. Hunt. How can we arrange such a thing?

Will you get in there before I collapse?

I hate to disappoint you all, man. I should've explained. But you see...

Carmen and I we're sort of sweet on each other.

I might add that she's a future Mrs. Devereaux.

- Reluctantly, I congratulate you. - Thank you.

- Me too. - Thank you.

When is the wedding day planned?

Next week. And as soon as it's feasible we're

going to Niagara Falls on our honeymoon.

I'll discuss that with you later.

Niagara Falls?

You know I really like to see those falls.

I was there three times and I never did get to see them.

Well, boys. You asked for it.

Girls, this is just to get some personal publicity.

I want you to meet two of the country's foremost economists.

- Louis Sobol. - How are you, girls?

Earl Wilson, hello.

And a mere editor, Abel Green of Variety.

Hiya, kids.

Drew, we got enough material here to write half a dozen columns.

Who me? You know I never write anything about dames in my column.

A woman hater.

Mr. Sobol, I just know you'd like to interview us, wouldn't you?

Yes, I would. But where does it end then?

We all know what you girls do at night. That's not news.

What do you nightclub girls do during the daytime?

There might be something in that.

Well you can quit guessing. I'm studying interior decorating.

And I'm taking my Masters degree at Columbia shortly.

And I just can't wait to delve further into Shakespeare.

What do you do, honey?

Who me? Oh I play third base for the Brooklyn Dodgers.

You'll have to click the girl.

You'll have to kiss the hand.

If you want to make a hit with Fifi.

You'll have to buy the sparkling jewels.

And be prepared to fight these guys.

You'll have to treat her swell.

And say, "Oui oui, Mademoiselle".

Or you won't be liked a bit by Fifi.

You say no. What difference.

There are 60 million Frenchmen who play for the girl.

And kisses the hand to make a hit with Fifi.

You must say "mon chérie. Vous etes treasury."

or au revoir to a hit with Fifi.

You must talk about love and jewelry.

The jewels she likes so much.

You have to be ou la la and bourgeois.

Or you can't be loved a bit by Fifi.

Then, you'll be good, I

I have many debonair affairs, cherie.

Who likes a squeeze and makes a hit with Fifi?

What did I tell you? Child's play.

Leave me alone! Go away.

Faster faster! We're way behind schedule!

Pick it up, kid. You only got a minute.

Not Fifi. Don't you remember? It's Carmen this time.

Child's play.

Maybe we ought to get a child to play it.

May I take your picture?

I'll say. Where is your studio?

Hey, wait a minute!

Don't you think you're wasting your time...

taking other people's pictures instead of letting people take yours?

I'll bite this time. What are you selling?

Does the name Lionel Q. Devereaux do anything to you?

No. Does it to you?

You never heard of the Devereaux Girls like the Copa Girls or Goldwyn Girls?

Mademoiselle Fifi is a Devereaux Girl.

She's used to be a complete nobody. No talent. Nothing.

Now look at her.

You look at her.

Did you hear the buildup I just gave you?

Out of my way, broken down Casanova!

I may have to put a bell around your neck.

Oh, Mr. Hunt!

Maybe you are waiting for me?

- Maybe. - Ohh!

It isn't every day of the year I discover a great star like you.

I thought we ought to go out and really celebrate your success.

How about tonight after the last show?

You come and get me?

- But only you and me. Oui? - Oui.

Magnificent! Until then.

I'll be waiting!

Listen, Hunt. I want to talk to you.

That's a coincidence. Because I want to talk to you too.

Well I want to talk to you first.

I heard you try to make a date with Mademoiselle Fifi.

I just wanted you to know that she and I go around steady. We sort of...

What?

Well I wouldn't even be surprised if we got married.

Just a minute, Devereaux.

Did I hear you say just the other day that you were going to marry Carmen?

What are you going to do with two wives?

It so happens that I like to play three-handed pinochle.

Now look, old school chum. This may be a joke to you. But I'm serious.

Fifi is gonna be my girl. I hope you get that straight.

What about Anne?

Anne? When she got to do with it?

She ought to be your girl. Not Fifi.

That's what happens in every movie I see.

The boss's in love with the secretary or the secretary is in love with the boss.

It all depends on which movie you go to.

Your little mixed up, pal.

Let me set you straight.

Carmen is your girl.

Fifi is gonna be my girl. Get it? My girl.

If I ever catch you hanging around her, I may be forced to break you in half.

Well let me tell you a thing or two, pal.

Yes?

I just wanted to say that…

You can have both of them.

- Goodnight, Anne. - Good night, Andy.

Could I drop you off at your place?

Thanks, Andy. But I have to wait for Mr. Hunt.

We usually go to Toot Shor's for a snack after closing.

Could I join you? I don't eat much.

Well um…

You see this is our only chance to go over his business.

He never has a moment for me during working hours.

You understand, don't you?

Of course. Good night, Anne.

Will you ask me again next week?

Next week I have to see my dentist. But maybe the week after.

Fine.

Oh, Mr. Hunt. Toot Shor's?

Oh, Anne. Gee I must be in a fog or something.

I meant to tell you a long time ago not to wait.

Look, could you take a cab home tonight?

You wouldn't mind, just this once, would you?

- No. Of course not. - Thanks a lot.

We'll go to Toot Shor's tomorrow and I'll try to make it up to you.

See you in the morning.

Good night.

Hey what's the matter with you?

What's the idea of waking people up at three o'clock in the morning?

Three o'clock? Thanks!

Remember me? The man you're engaged to.

What's the idea of being out with Steve all this time? It's three o'clock.

So, Mr. Casanova, you cannot dish out.

You're jealous. How wonderfully exciting.

Let me ask you something. What's he got that I haven't got?

He is young, beautiful, strong...

Stop. I withdraw the question.

Where'd you go?

He took me to a very magnificent wonderful exciting restaurant.

Leaning napkins, gypsy music. And I ate as I never ate before.

I had a filet mignon.

Such a beautiful lovely adorable filet mignon.

- With darling French fried onions? - Oui.

- And lovable mashed potatoes? - Oui, oui.

- Did he try to kiss you? - Oh si. And how!

Did you let him?

What could I do? I'm Fifi, the French coquette.

And he's my boss.

And he's so young, so rich, so handsome.

Skip it. We went through that before.

- Did you kiss him back? - Oh yes. Yes.

We better get to a "no" pretty soon.

Where's my hat?

I'm going straight to that guy and beat him to a pulp.

I don't care if you sound asleep with his glasses on.

Do not try to stop me. There's nothing in the world that can stop me.

But he's bigger than you. He could kill you.

Well, that stops me.

Andy. Andy!

Hello Mr Devereaux, what's new?

Listen, Andy. How would you like to play Cupid?

Cupid?

I don't mind the wings and the bow and arrow

but would I have to take off my clothes?

No.

My plan is just as simple as you are.

Look. Steve has been playing too much attention

to Fifi, when he's really in love with Anne.

Oh, is he?

And Anne is in love with Steve.

Oh, is he?

They haven't told each other about it so neither one of them know it.

Gee that's terrible. Somebody ought to tell them before they find it out.

- Does anyone else know about it? - I do.

Then why don't you tell them?

That's what I want you to do. You're the voice of romance, aren't you?

Here's my plan...

Mademoiselle Fifi was seen setting a filet mignon on her veil...

With Steve Hunt... just before sunrise.

- Oh. It's you, Andy. - Yes.

- Were you expecting someone else? - No.

That's good. Then we can be alone.

You may not know it, but I'm Cupid.

Where's your bow and arrow?

I'm not really Cupid. I am also the voice of romance.

I'm just doing it for you and Steve.

For me and Steve?

Why sure. Everybody knows you're supposed to be in love each other.

Especially Mr. Devereaux.

He knows it better than anybody else.

He ​​told me.

I wish people would stop interfering in my affairs.

I don't want to butt in. But if Steve doesn't tell you he's in love with you then...

then you have to tell him.

But that's ridiculous.

I'd rather die than say anything like that to him.

That's just it. You don't have to say it.

You can just sing it to him.

Like this.

Stranger things have happened.

Stranger things by far.

Is it so remarkable if we can touch a star?

This may be just a casual fling.

And then again, it could be the genuine thing.

Stranger things have happened.

This could be the night.

And this glow around us.

Could be heaven in sight.

For anything is possible beneath the moon above.

Yes. Strange things have happened.

So why couldn't this be love?

That's all there is to it.

You see when you sing the words, you can say

things you can't say when you're talking.

Because talking is not like singing.

When you sing, you can say things that you can't say when you talk.

Sorry, kids. I hope I didn't break anything up.

Oh no, Mr. Hunt. I was just going.

Don't forget what I told you.

Say, what's going on between you two?

Oh uh I uh…

I have all the clippings for you.

Fifi is certainly taking this town by storm, isn't she?

Stranger things have happened…

Hey, what's the matter with you?

Me? Nothing.

I've never seen such reviews. Sensational. Wonderful.

Anne, where are you?

Stranger things have happened.

You sure you're all right?

I feel fine.

Stranger things have happened.

Stranger things…

Anne, please don't sing. I can't concentrate on these clippings.

Is there anything you want me to do, Mr. Hunt? Because…

Oh, yeah. I'm glad you brought that up.

I want you to go down in order a 12 ounce bottle of perfume.

- Yes? - And have it sent to Fifi's hotel.

- Gardenia, I think she uses. - Oh.

And call up the florist.

And have him send a large box of flowers to her dressing room.

- The sky is the limit. - Is that all?

Now don't get any wrong ideas.

When you have a valuable property like Fifi, you have to cater to her.

Practically every saloon keeper in town is trying to steal her away from me.

You certainly have to work hard

to make the Copacabana a success, don't you, Mr. Hunt?

Not half as hard as I'd have to work if I

didn't have such an efficient girl Friday.

Don't forget about those flowers.

I have to go down and see another act.

Hello. This is Mr. Hunt's secretary.

Please send four dozen beautiful roses the dressing room after Mademoiselle...

No. No wait a minute.

Make it one dozen. And not roses. Petunias.

Do you have violets? Yes? Good.

Change the order to one bunch of violets. A very small bunch.

Now, based gentlemen, we come to the climax of our show

I give you with great pride, that scintillating star of the Copacabana.

That unique personality our one and only Anne Stuart.

Stranger things have happened.

Stranger things by far.

Is it so remarkable if we can touch the stars?

This may be just a casual fling.

And then again, it could be the genuine thing.

Stranger things have happened.

This could be the night.

And this glow around us.

Could be headed inside.

For anything is possible beneath the moon above.

Stranger things have happened.

So why couldn't it be love?

Send her a bouquet of the most gorgeous flowers in the world.

Strange things have happened stranger things have happened.

This could be the night.

And this glow around us.

Could be heaven in sight.

For anything is possible beneath the moon above.

Stranger things have happened.

So why couldn't it be love?

Anne, did you take care of those flowers?

Steve!

Oh. Oh...

Excuse me, Mr. Hunt.

I must've been daydreaming.

I'm sorry I woke you up.

Mr. Hunt, there's a call for you.

Who is it?

- Mr. Anatole Murphy of Hollywood. - Don't tell me!

Anatole, you old so-and-so. How's my favorite movie producer?

When did you come here for this time? To steal a few more of my Copa girls?

No, just one. I flew in to get a look at this Mademoiselle Fifi.

You'll get a great kick out of her. To put it mildly, she's phenomenal.

If she's half as good as my scouts say she is, she really must have something.

But that's just between you and me, Steve.

Don't tell her agent.

Tell her her agent? He wouldn't understand if I did tell him.

Well... Hello, Devereaux!

Well well. If it isn't Mr. Liggett, almost the biggest agent in town.

Have a cigar.

Thanks, elephant boy.

Devereaux, what would you take for Fifi's contract?

Joe, come here, will you? Do me a favor, will you?

I haven't got the time. Bill you laugh in this guy's kisser for an hour or so?

Okay. That's enough.

Look, I'm on the level, Devereaux. I want to buy her contract.

I can't sell you her contract, Liggett.

Why not?

Because there's nobody in the world like Fifi.

I know that. That's why I want to buy the contract!

You want to buy the contract and y'know there's no one in the world like Fifi?

Of course. That's why what to buy the contract.

Because there's nobody in the world like Fifi.

Joe.

You're a witness.

You heard me tell him that there's no one in the world like Fifi.

Hold it. Hold it. Hold it. I'll tell you when.

Okay. I'll take $5000 for Fifi's contract.

It's a deal.

I'll give you the money in the morning. Will a check be all right?

Of course. I trust you.

I'll take a check for $10 and the rest in cash. Okay, Joe.

Why don't you sign the contract now, Mr. Murphy?

I can deliver Fifi to you.

I bought her contract lock, stock and barrel.

I'll sign and pay you the $100,000 when, as and if you deliver Fifi in person.

And don't forget this important little item.

I'll expect her to unveil so we can see if she's photogenic.

You know this for pictures.

Okay, Mr. Murphy. If that's the way you want it.

I'll get to work on it right away.

Murphy is a very important man.

He flew all the way from Hollywood just to see you.

You've got to meet him.

You know what Lionel can get for your contract now?

Only about $100,000.

Think of it.

Your picture on the cover of all the movie magazines.

A beautiful mansion in Beverly Hills.

Three swimming pools.

But I could not use more than two.

And suppose he sees Carmen and likes her better than me.

That's not possible. Carmen can't compare with you.

Oh no? Carmen is much better than I am.

She's a great artiste.

Darling, you're wonderful.

You're the first star in the history of show business

who's ever said a nice thing about another star.

But don't you worry. He won't even see Carmen.

I'll take him right straight to the cocktail lounge.

Oh Mr. Hunt! I think... that's an awful thing to do!

Mademoiselle Fifi.

Get me a taxi! What do you want?

I could make a deal for you. A big deal.

Speak to my agent.

Your agent? But I'm your agent.

Lionel, what is this?

Do you think Steve buys you flowers?

A sickly little bunch of violets.

When I buy flowers, I buy flowers.

He takes you out and buys you a filet mignon.

Take a look at this.

A whole turkey. And if you think that something…

Take a look at this.

A diamond bracelet? Oh darling! It's wonderful!

But Lionel, where did you get all the money?

You're looking at the smartest agent in this whole town.

I just pulled the deal of the century.

What a salesman.

What did you do?

I sold a veil for $5000.

I mean your contract as Mademoiselle Fifi.

To that pigeon, that sucker, that numbskull Liggett.

You sold my contract to Liggett for $5000?

Don't waste any sympathy on him. He had it coming to him.

But you don't understand.

Anatole Murphy is here from Hollywood.

And Steve told me that you could get $100,000 for Fifi's contract.

- How much? - $100,000.

And I sold Liggett… why that dirty crook!

Maybe I can buy it back.

$100,000 at 30% would be…

Well then I'll look for it in a little while, Anatole.

She'll be here.

Where's that crook Liggett?

Fine. I'll hold a ringside table for you.

What's all this?

I've been double-crossed.

Somebody took $95,000 out of my pocket when I wasn't looking.

Where is that crook Devereaux?

Here I am, you crook!

I guess you boys want to be alone. Come on, Anne.

Listen, Devereaux, I saw Mademoiselle Fifi get in a cab. I followed her!

When the cab draws up to the hotel, who do you think gets out?

Carmen! How do you explain that?

I'll have an answer for you in the morning.

- How much are your cigars? - A dollar a piece.

I was just browsing.

Does you have any nickel cigars?

Yes. But they're 40 cents.

- Give me two cups o coffee and a cigar. - Yes sir.

Make that three cups of coffee and two cigars.

Hunt, I don't think we can hold onto Fifi much longer.

She's becoming a big name.

How'd you like to replace her with another great discovery of mine?

I've got a young fella who'd make the Copa the biggest place in town.

The Copa is the biggest place in town.

Then your client must be good.

Good? He's got everything.

A beautiful voice. Irresistible charm. And…

He was born in a log cabin.

Log cabin? So what?

So what? Suppose he became president like Abraham Lincoln?

I guess it would be bad,

having the president of the United States working in the Copa?

You might even get him to play the piano.

All right. All right.

Arrange an audition and I'll listen to him.

Anything is better than listening to you.

When can I hear this wonder boy of yours.

- Right now. - Right now?

Here? But nobody tries out at the Copa.

Play it as written. Boss's orders.

Get that music back.

I like to do a song about the Old West.

Any of you boys got an old spotlight on you?

Thanks, boys.

Now I'll need some cactus, sagebrush and a dozen beautiful cowgirls.

If it were only that simple in real life.

Mr. Horace Greeley was no fool.

I'm sure that you'll agree with me that Greeley was no fool.

What he is getting at is that Mr. Greeley was no fool.

The wisdom of the man can be denied by none.

For he is the one who said...

Before you go to Buffalo To Baltimore or Borneo.

To Eastern Pennsylvania or Sudan.

Go west, young man.

If you go to that land, sonny. You will have a lot of money.

If you bring the money with you when you come.

To the lone prairie.

Yippi-yi, yippi-yi Yippi-yi-yi-yi.

Yippi-yee, yippi-yee Yippi-yi-yi-yee!

A cowboy's girl is a real good pal.

She will stick to him right or wrong.

She don't say nothing. And she don't do nothing.

And she don't know nothing. And she don't want nothing.

But a horse and a cowboy.

But she just keeps rolling along.

Go west, young man.

Go where the air's for filling your chest, young man.

You can ride a bucking bronco or pony.

You can cut a calf in half and make baloney.

Go west, young man.

You'll ride out there and give 'em the very best you can.

Don't go east. Don't go north. Don't go south. Have a care.

Don't go up. Don't go down. Don't go here. Don't go there.

If you can't get a seat in the subway,

go west, young man.

We suggest you go west, young man.

The judges there are very fair. They always are of course.

A cowboy and his Mrs. Went to court for a divorce.

The cowboy got the children. And the Mrs. got the horse.

Go west!

Go west, young man!

Yippee!

Well, what do you think? Do I know how to pick 'em?

Oh he's not bad.

How much you want for him?

You couldn't afford him.

Yes?

Oh..

Oh. I uh...

I'm awfully sorry. I thought Mademoiselle Fifi was here.

She is here. Oh I mean, she was here.

But she'll be back. You want me to tell her something?

Yes, but...

Oh come on in here and tell it to me.

I know Mademoiselle Fifi like I know myself. Even better.

- That's awfully sweet of you but… - Come on.

Here.

Now. What is it?

Miss Navarro, I really shouldn't impose on you like this.

But I feel as if I must talk to someone.

Come on, honey. Spill it out.

We're just two women. It's something about love?

Yes. It's Steve.

And Mademoiselle Fifi is a grassy snake, huh?

I don't know what to do.

Steve is the only man I've ever cared for.

Mademoiselle Fifi is trying...

She's stealing him away from you, huh?

Yes. And I thought if I reasoned with her.

Don't you do it, dear. Let me talk to her.

That Mademoiselle Fifi is no good.

I hate her.

I hate her too.

But don't you worry, dear. She will not fool around with Steve any more.

I'll teach that French cat.

I myself personally.

I'll teach her to go around breaking up other people's happiness.

Don't you worry.

Are you guys having a private cry? If not, I'll join you.

You go now. Leave the whole thing to me. I'll take care of it.

- Thank you. Goodbye. - Goodbye.

Lionel, we have to do something about Mademoiselle Fifi.

She's not only driving me crazy.

But she's ruining everybody's life.

We've built up Fifi into a Mrs. Frankenstein.

Liggett is getting wise that I sold him a phony.

And Murphy is waiting in the cocktail lounge

to see Fifi about a Hollywood contract.

We're trapped.

It was all your idea. Can't you figure a way out?

Sure. All I have to do is figure out how Carmen and Fifi can be 3000 miles apart.

That's impossible. I cannot be in two different places at the same time.

I don't know why not.

Boston and Philadelphia are in two different places at the same time.

Carmen, the time has come.

We need to do away with Fifi.

What will happen to her?

She'll just have to disappear.

You and Fifi get into a big argument. You threaten her. Make her run away.

Fifi and I fight? How we do this?

Look you only pretend you're fighting.

I'll go out and find an audience. We'll need witnesses.

Start fighting.

You manse stealer! You French goat! I'll kick you!

You hear what's going on in there?

Carmen and Fifi are having a terrific fight.

Is that so? Put two bucks on the senorita for me.

- Get away from me! - Stop fighting.

Start fighting!

Girls! Girls! Listen. That fighting!

Girls, do you hear what's going on inside?

You mean the radio? Sure. That's Breakfast in Hollywood.

You dumbbell. That's One Man's Family.

You're both wacky. That's Amos and Andy.

How am I going?

You have to make it more realistic. We're not getting any customers.

If we don't kill off Fifi pretty soon, it'll be murder.

Right. Make me angry. Make me mad. In short, make like Fifi.

You Brazilian hen. Who ever told you that you could sing?

Are you telling me that I can not sing, you Parisian porcupine?

I cut you open! I cut you right in half! I scratch your eyes out!

Good, huh?

Vichyssoise!

If you scratch my face, you disfigure me.

Take that, you witch!

Vichyssoise!

That's for trying to take my sweetheart Lionel.

Double Vichyssoise!

And that's for Andy Russell, huh?

And that's for all the boys in the band.

What's going on in there?

I don't think they like each other.

Open the door.

Carmen, give it all you got.

And that's for stealing Steve from that nice little secretary who loves him.

Do not do that to my hair!

I kill you, you Brazilian pig!

Open the door.

Come on! Open the door!

Open the door or I'll break it again!

You better blow before they find you in here.

Vichyssoise!

Get away! Never come back!

What happened? Where is Fifi?

Fifi? I fix her good.

But she's on a couple minutes. Where is she?

She will not go on tonight, that yellow spider.

She right away through the window.

My investment!

Well?

That did it.

Mademoiselle Fifi is now floating down the East River,

including the veil and the whole outfit.

Poor Fifi, she can not swim.

I can just see the look on Liggett's face when he finds out she's gone for good.

Poor Steve. He will be frantic.

All the things he say to Fifi.

I'm glad I killed her. I should've done a long time ago. She's better off dead.

Je Vous Aime. They are still playing her music up there.

She kind of got under your skin.

What a gal.

Je vous aime, my cherie, je vous adore.

Will I hear those lovely words no more?

Je vous aime, my cherie, je vous adore.

Can't we sing as we sang before?

In her eyes was a promise so tender.

While her lips sang a song of surrender.

That will live in my heart forever more.

Je vous aime, my cherie, je vous adore.

Mr. Hunt, have you seen the afternoon papers?

Get me the police.

Yeah. Yeah.

Yeah. All right.

They still haven't found her and there's no trace of her.

I'll give you another 24 hours to deliver the dame or the deal is off!

Listen, you low-down double-crossing snake.

You are the one that brought her around.

Where is she? Where is she?!

Look, but.

I spent a lot of money publicizing this girl.

My business is falling off to nothing.

Now for the last time, do you or don't you know where she lives?

The last address I had for her was at the Kasbar.

Pardon me, Mr. Hunt. The police would like to see you.

My name is Steve Hunt. I manage this place.

Is there anything new on the case?

Maybe there is.

We received a phone call a little while ago

that Mademoiselle Fifi was murdered.

Murdered? Can't be.

You know an agent by the name of Lionel Devereaux?

Wait a minute, boys.

I'll admit I was one of the last ones to see her.

But I didn't do it. I got witnesses.

I'll tell you what. I'll go get them.

What's your hurry?

I just remembered. I forgot to pay my income tax.

There something phony about that guy.

Looking for someone?

No, just the reverse.

You see a guy in a a dark brown suit?

Down here.

What is going on here? Get him out!

You don't have to get up there. I'm not a mouse.

Devereaux, what are you doing in here?

I'm scouting for the Boston Red Sox.

If you don't get out of here, I'll call the police.

It won't be necessary. They'll be here in a minute.

Try the alley.

How about this door?

Don't let them take me. I've got my whole life ahead of me.

And I'd like to spend it here.

I'm going for the police.

Wait a minute. If you help me, I'll make you all new careers.

I'll make you Devereaux girls. Ziegfeld girls.

Even Goldwyn girls.

That line has a familiar ring.

Maybe he really means it this time.

Where will we hide him?

I'm not particular. What about your apartment?

There he is.

Turn on the light!

Let go of me, you big ape!

- Call the police. - We are the police!

Who grabbed my kimono?

Where is he?

Where is that guy?

Well, he won't get far.

See you later, girls.

Wait a minute. What about those careers you promised us?

Girls, I thought it over. You don't want a career.

What you ought to do is settle down. Get yourself a husband.

Anybody's husband.

You've got nerve.

I haven't got the ball. He went around the left end.

You're gonna make us Devereaux girls, huh?

We're not through with you yet.

We'll teach you to make false promises.

The police are looking for you. And you're still looking for women?

I've got an explanation for this. But I don't believe it myself.

Always I find you in all kinds of places.

I bet you never found me in a place like this before.

The cops!

Those guys have got a one track mind. And it always leads to me.

Farewell.

What did I tell you? They always wind up in the closet.

What did I tell ya? Farewell.

Look, we've got the goods on you. Why don't you come clean?

Yes.

I heard him say he killed her.

I heard him beating her up.

He never did tell anybody where she lives.

He was jealous of Steve.

I heard him threaten her.

He couldn't have done it.

I agree with her.

Listen, Devereaux, why don't you save us a lot of time and trouble and confess?

Why did you kill Fifi?

I told you there never was any Fifi.

Carmen was Fifi and Fifi was Carmen.

Still going to stick to that wild story, huh?

Okay… Go to work on him, boys.

Anything else you'd like to know?

Now we'll start all over again.

What did you say your name was?

Lionel Q. Devereaux.

What's the Q for?

My father used to hang around the pool room.

You think you're up pretty smart guy, don't you?

Why don't you ask Hunt?

He took her out. He was in love with her.

You're crazy. I took her out for business reasons.

There's another little check I go for. But she goes for Andy and not me.

Isn't that right, Andy?

Me? Me and Andy? Oh no, Steve. You're so wrong.

There you are. Never fails. The boss falls in love with the secretary.

Why did you do it?

Listen fellas. I'm as innocent as a babe. Even more innocent.

I know some babes who aren't so innocent.

Please. Let him alone. Can't you see he didn't do it?

I'll get it out of you if I have to club it out of you.

I didn't do it, I tell you. And I'm glad.

Glad I didn't do it!

And if I had to do it all over again, I wouldn't do it all over again.

Make a stupid sound.

You had to walk in just when I was going good.

In a minute, I might've been another Peter Lorre.

- Fifi? - Someone looking for me?

I went down to Carmen's dressing room. Carmen walks in. This dame walks out!

Well I guess this clears everything up. Come on, Brazil.

Nice knowing you all.

Wait a minute.

There is something I always wanted to do.

- Me too. - Me too.

No please. Don't!

You can't do this while I'm here.

No! No! Please, no!

- Carmen! - Carmen?

See what I mean? Carmen and Fifi, both the same under the veil.

Fifi, my eye! You're Carmen.

Yes, yes. I am Carmen. And also Fifi.

Excuse me, Sgt. I know their story sounds pretty unbelievable.

But there might be some truth in it.

Have her sing one of Fifi's songs.

That'll prove it. One way or the other.

All right, let's have it. But this better be good and entertaining, sister.

Go ahead.

She's just at that age. Her voice is changing.

Pretty punk imitation I call it. Take him downtown and…

No no no. Wait!

If I could have just one witness. Andy Russell.

Andy Russell here?

Me? I don't know anything. I only work here.

Oh, Andy. Come here, please.

Lionel! Excuse me to do this to you. But you have to find out sometime.

Andy, look at me.

Take a good look at me. Who am I?

Why you're Carmen Navarro. You're in the floor show.

Right. Now think very carefully.

It's life or death. Who is this?

My love! I love you so much! You're so pretty! Oh. Oh.

Why that couldn't be anyone else. That's Fifi!

It's Fifi.

It's Fifi.

Well, if this is gonna be on a competitive basis.

It's heaven! Why didn't you tell me about this 10 years ago?

Wait a minute.

You mean this yarn you've been telling the police

for the last two hours really happened?

I swear to it on a stack of wheat cakes.

What a story! What a picture this will make!

I'll buy the girl. I'll buy the story too!

Get me a phone. Call Hollywood!

Tell them to start building sets.

Why I can see it all now.

Let's do the Copacabana.

Its tropical beat will go to your feet and make you feel Latin.

That's because the Copacabana comes directly from the canyons of Manhattan.

In the land that gives us the coconut and banana.

In the jungles and the pampas of Brazil.

No one there has ever heard of the Copacabana.

But they will. You bet they will.

Look at Señorita O'Toole and Señor Shapiro.

As they swing their bums and capture the eye.

They're the envy of the Cubans at Ciro's.

As they cry, ay ay ay.

Put this beneath your bandana.

It's easy as spike. It's good and it's right.

Six lessons or so.

You will be delighted to know.

You can copa the copa the copa the Copacabana.

You can copa the copa the copa the Copacabana.

Copacabana.

Let's do the Copacabana.

Its tropical beat will go to your feet and make you feel Latin.

That's because the Copacabana comes directly from the canyons of Manhattan.

In the land that gave us the coconut and bananas.

In the jungles and the pampas of Brazil Brazil.

No one there ever has heard of the Copacabana.

But they will. You bet they will.

You can copa the copa the copa the Copacabana.

Copacabana!