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1
00:00:00,000 --> 00:00:04,162
WWW.MY-SUBS.CO
1
00:00:19,738 --> 00:00:22,037
Aww!
This is so...
2
00:00:22,736 --> 00:00:23,736
Boring.
3
00:00:23,739 --> 00:00:24,739
Ugh.
4
00:00:24,741 --> 00:00:26,021
Can we at least swim
in the pool?
5
00:00:26,045 --> 00:00:27,748
No. Look, don't
ruin this for me.
6
00:00:27,749 --> 00:00:29,199
I won thumb war
fair and square,
7
00:00:29,737 --> 00:00:30,977
so we're looking
at open houses.
8
00:00:31,001 --> 00:00:33,750
Oh, uh, I don't know where
to throw this garbage.
9
00:00:33,752 --> 00:00:35,756
Oh, wait... shazam!
10
00:00:35,757 --> 00:00:38,747
Just contemplating
how overcrowded L.A. is...
11
00:00:38,751 --> 00:00:42,751
in my two-acre
backya-a-a-ard!
12
00:00:42,756 --> 00:00:44,736
Ah, yeah,
that's the stuff.
13
00:00:44,742 --> 00:00:45,752
You don't even
drink tea.
14
00:00:45,753 --> 00:00:47,749
Yeah, because I can
never find it.
15
00:00:47,756 --> 00:00:51,746
If I had these tins, I would
drink tea all day, son.
16
00:00:51,749 --> 00:00:54,757
Husband.
All day, husband!
17
00:00:57,758 --> 00:00:59,738
♪ I'm in the kitchen ♪
18
00:00:59,740 --> 00:01:00,780
♪ I'm in the living room ♪
19
00:01:00,804 --> 00:01:01,749
♪ I'm in the kitchen ♪
20
00:01:01,752 --> 00:01:02,792
♪ I'm in the living room ♪
21
00:01:02,816 --> 00:01:04,739
Ha!
Can I try?
22
00:01:04,740 --> 00:01:06,740
See?
Open houses aren't boring.
23
00:01:06,741 --> 00:01:07,741
♪ I'm in the kitchen ♪
24
00:01:07,743 --> 00:01:08,783
♪ I'm in the living room ♪
25
00:01:08,807 --> 00:01:09,744
♪ I'm in the kitchen ♪
26
00:01:09,745 --> 00:01:10,754
♪ I'm in the pool ♪
27
00:01:12,739 --> 00:01:14,738
No! Josh!
28
00:01:14,739 --> 00:01:16,739
Jack-knife!
29
00:01:32,758 --> 00:01:34,738
I can't believe you got us
30
00:01:34,739 --> 00:01:35,899
kicked out
of that open house.
31
00:01:35,902 --> 00:01:36,912
Hey,
I said I was sorry.
32
00:01:36,913 --> 00:01:38,737
Now can we do something
we're all...
33
00:01:38,738 --> 00:01:39,738
into?
34
00:01:39,742 --> 00:01:40,751
No!
Don't touch anything!
35
00:01:40,752 --> 00:01:44,742
I'm this close to connecting
Garfield to Jesus!
36
00:01:44,745 --> 00:01:46,745
Are you drinking
moonshine?
37
00:01:46,753 --> 00:01:48,749
No!
That's disgusting!
38
00:01:48,750 --> 00:01:50,748
That's my urine.
Uh...
39
00:01:50,749 --> 00:01:52,199
we'll just go in through
the kitchen.
40
00:01:52,213 --> 00:01:54,738
Watch out!
41
00:01:54,739 --> 00:01:56,749
Seriously? You had to do this
in the kitchen?
42
00:01:56,750 --> 00:01:58,749
Alex was taking up
the whole living room.
43
00:01:58,750 --> 00:02:00,740
Ugh.
Get in here, Candice!
44
00:02:00,745 --> 00:02:04,745
Your body is a paintbrush
that your spirit inhabits.
45
00:02:10,741 --> 00:02:12,741
Look, honey, we have a drawer
like the open house.
46
00:02:12,745 --> 00:02:13,745
It won't slam!
47
00:02:17,748 --> 00:02:20,748
Look, Em...
chandelier!
48
00:02:20,755 --> 00:02:24,735
I think I'm just gonna go
for a walk, get some air.
49
00:02:24,743 --> 00:02:27,741
You don't want to use
your body like a paintbrush?
50
00:02:27,742 --> 00:02:29,758
Nah, you guys do your thing,
I'll go do my thing.
51
00:02:30,736 --> 00:02:31,746
But we should do
a thing together.
52
00:02:31,751 --> 00:02:33,831
Is that thing cleaning up
this overcrowded apartment?
53
00:02:33,855 --> 00:02:35,737
Nah, there's gotta be
something better.
54
00:02:35,741 --> 00:02:36,751
Hmm.
55
00:02:36,755 --> 00:02:39,735
Oh, my God.
Wait.
56
00:02:39,741 --> 00:02:42,751
I've always wanted to be
a Family Bike family.
57
00:02:42,753 --> 00:02:44,742
On your left!
58
00:02:44,743 --> 00:02:46,743
Wha... Wha...
59
00:02:47,752 --> 00:02:50,739
Where's your family,
loser?
60
00:02:50,740 --> 00:02:51,748
Ooh.
61
00:02:51,749 --> 00:02:53,309
That's what we'll do together.
62
00:02:53,333 --> 00:02:55,333
A family bike!
Emily!
63
00:02:55,736 --> 00:02:55,756
Huh?
64
00:02:55,758 --> 00:02:57,758
She left 30 minutes ago.
65
00:03:00,746 --> 00:03:06,646
Never gonna be mine, never gonna
be mine, never gonna be mine.
66
00:03:06,741 --> 00:03:08,761
But there's no harm
in looking.
67
00:03:12,740 --> 00:03:15,750
♪ Perfect house,
perfect house ♪
68
00:03:15,752 --> 00:03:17,202
♪ Perfect hous... ♪
69
00:03:17,736 --> 00:03:17,756
Oh, my God!
70
00:03:18,736 --> 00:03:20,736
I am so sorry!
No, no.
71
00:03:20,743 --> 00:03:21,943
I couldn't agree
with you more.
72
00:03:21,967 --> 00:03:24,740
This is the
♪ perfect house ♪
73
00:03:24,746 --> 00:03:25,906
Are you gonna put in
an offer?
74
00:03:25,930 --> 00:03:27,380
Me? Nah.
75
00:03:27,737 --> 00:03:29,857
To save money, my family lives
with a divorced couple,
76
00:03:29,881 --> 00:03:31,736
so open houses are more
of a guilty pleasure.
77
00:03:31,741 --> 00:03:33,741
Me too. I just like
to come check out
78
00:03:33,745 --> 00:03:35,735
how the other half lives.
79
00:03:35,741 --> 00:03:38,741
Also, at home, my kids
write on the walls with shit.
80
00:03:38,746 --> 00:03:39,746
Uh...
81
00:03:39,749 --> 00:03:40,749
Oh, is this
your daughter?
82
00:03:40,751 --> 00:03:41,756
Daughter?
83
00:03:41,757 --> 00:03:43,207
No. I'm...
84
00:03:43,737 --> 00:03:45,747
Whoa! You're superstar
Mona Arizona!
85
00:03:45,749 --> 00:03:47,739
Yeah,
my real name's Caitlin.
86
00:03:47,746 --> 00:03:49,196
What brings you here,
Mona?
87
00:03:49,736 --> 00:03:51,186
Well,
I'm an emancipated minor,
88
00:03:51,737 --> 00:03:52,897
so I like to go
to open houses
89
00:03:52,921 --> 00:03:54,753
because they represent
the normal life
90
00:03:54,754 --> 00:03:55,761
I'll never know.
91
00:03:55,762 --> 00:03:57,739
When you work as much
as I do,
92
00:03:57,744 --> 00:03:59,264
you start to fear
that you'll look back
93
00:03:59,288 --> 00:04:01,280
on these years and think,
94
00:04:01,736 --> 00:04:02,816
"Where did
my childhood go?"
95
00:04:02,840 --> 00:04:04,742
Yeah,
my triplets love you.
96
00:04:04,745 --> 00:04:06,745
They sing your songs
all the time.
97
00:04:06,753 --> 00:04:08,203
Whoa! Triplets?
98
00:04:08,737 --> 00:04:09,747
Yeah.
They can't sing.
99
00:04:09,748 --> 00:04:10,748
It's really bad.
100
00:04:10,756 --> 00:04:12,746
Don't forget to check out
the guest house.
101
00:04:12,747 --> 00:04:15,737
A happy family like yours
must have lots of visitors.
102
00:04:15,746 --> 00:04:18,736
Oh, no, we're not...
Oh, come on, Mom.
103
00:04:18,738 --> 00:04:20,738
Let's see where
Grandma's gonna stay.
104
00:04:20,744 --> 00:04:21,764
Um...
No harm in looking.
105
00:04:21,765 --> 00:04:23,738
Right... hon?
106
00:04:23,745 --> 00:04:25,755
Actually, I need
to get back to...
107
00:04:28,752 --> 00:04:29,752
You know what?
108
00:04:29,753 --> 00:04:31,741
Sure thing, hon!
109
00:04:31,742 --> 00:04:32,742
Wink!
110
00:04:32,743 --> 00:04:34,742
Huhuhuhu.
111
00:04:34,746 --> 00:04:36,756
♪ The feeling you get
when you're not at home ♪
112
00:04:36,758 --> 00:04:40,738
♪ But you're running around
at someone else's home ♪
113
00:04:40,742 --> 00:04:41,752
♪ No worries, no cares ♪
114
00:04:41,753 --> 00:04:44,741
♪ 'Cause your real family's
not there ♪
115
00:04:44,746 --> 00:04:45,756
♪ Yeah ♪
116
00:04:45,758 --> 00:04:48,738
♪ No scheming, no cleaning,
this world's in between ♪
117
00:04:48,746 --> 00:04:50,756
♪ Yeah, no bull crap,
no fights, just laughter ♪
118
00:04:50,758 --> 00:04:52,748
♪ Every ni-i-ight ♪
119
00:04:52,750 --> 00:04:54,748
♪ No wonder you escaped ♪
120
00:04:54,749 --> 00:04:56,739
♪ To an open house ♪
121
00:04:56,742 --> 00:04:59,738
♪ There are no worries
in an open house ♪
122
00:04:59,739 --> 00:05:02,738
♪ Reality's blurry in
an open house ♪
123
00:05:02,739 --> 00:05:04,189
♪ Why don't you stay a while? ♪
124
00:05:04,736 --> 00:05:05,736
♪ Open house ♪
125
00:05:05,738 --> 00:05:06,858
♪ No, you're not in denial ♪
126
00:05:06,882 --> 00:05:09,746
♪ Open house ♪
127
00:05:09,752 --> 00:05:11,762
Okay I've got
my algebra homework,
128
00:05:11,763 --> 00:05:14,738
my Spanish homework,
my history homework...
129
00:05:14,746 --> 00:05:17,746
Is there any subject
you don't have homework for?
130
00:05:17,755 --> 00:05:18,755
Haha!
131
00:05:18,759 --> 00:05:20,738
Lunch.
132
00:05:21,743 --> 00:05:22,746
Hey, wait a minute.
133
00:05:22,747 --> 00:05:23,747
Where is my lunch?
134
00:05:23,752 --> 00:05:24,752
Mom didn't pack it.
135
00:05:24,754 --> 00:05:27,744
Come to think of it,
where is Mom?
136
00:05:27,745 --> 00:05:29,735
You guys!
137
00:05:29,740 --> 00:05:31,740
Do you...
Do you guys hear that?
138
00:05:31,745 --> 00:05:33,785
Oh, it's probably just
the Cohens' bat mitzvah party
139
00:05:34,736 --> 00:05:35,736
next door.
140
00:05:36,749 --> 00:05:38,739
Uh...
141
00:05:38,744 --> 00:05:41,746
Uh, Mom, you look like you
could use a glass of water.
142
00:05:41,747 --> 00:05:42,907
I think you're right,
Caitlin,
143
00:05:42,931 --> 00:05:45,736
but I'm pretty sure
your mom pronounces it...
144
00:05:45,740 --> 00:05:47,190
"Pinot Grigio."
145
00:05:48,800 --> 00:05:50,744
Yeah.
Water.
146
00:05:51,746 --> 00:05:54,736
The Family Bike
is here!
147
00:05:54,740 --> 00:05:56,749
Sign here, please.
148
00:05:56,750 --> 00:05:58,740
Hey, how'd you guys
get here so fast?
149
00:05:58,746 --> 00:06:00,736
I only ordered it
like 20 minutes ago.
150
00:06:00,744 --> 00:06:02,754
Says here you ordered it
three days ago.
151
00:06:02,755 --> 00:06:05,737
Three days?!
Where the hell is Emily?
152
00:06:05,739 --> 00:06:06,739
Oh, yeah.
153
00:06:06,744 --> 00:06:07,754
Sorry, the orders for those
Emily real dolls
154
00:06:07,756 --> 00:06:09,206
are all backed up.
155
00:06:09,736 --> 00:06:10,776
Got mine last week,
though.
156
00:06:10,800 --> 00:06:12,810
Lot of fun, lot of fun.
157
00:06:15,740 --> 00:06:17,739
Isn't this song great?
158
00:06:17,740 --> 00:06:18,750
No.
No, it's not.
159
00:06:18,751 --> 00:06:21,738
Guys, something is wrong
in this house.
160
00:06:21,739 --> 00:06:23,739
You know how I wanted
a glass of water?
161
00:06:23,740 --> 00:06:26,738
Well, look.
Nothing.
162
00:06:26,739 --> 00:06:28,747
So I think,
"Hey, maybe the fridge.
163
00:06:28,748 --> 00:06:30,198
Oh, but it's
probably empty
164
00:06:30,737 --> 00:06:32,187
like the rest of the house,
Emily."
165
00:06:32,737 --> 00:06:33,737
Nope.
166
00:06:33,741 --> 00:06:35,101
It's packed with
paintings of food.
167
00:06:35,125 --> 00:06:35,745
Emily!
168
00:06:35,750 --> 00:06:37,740
I had a glass of water
an hour ago.
169
00:06:37,746 --> 00:06:40,736
Why don't you
let me try, huh?
170
00:06:48,755 --> 00:06:50,735
Ah!
171
00:06:52,745 --> 00:06:54,735
It's not funny!
172
00:06:59,741 --> 00:07:00,751
- Hello?
- Emily!
173
00:07:00,752 --> 00:07:01,752
Emily, where are you?!
174
00:07:01,753 --> 00:07:03,740
Josh?
Oh, my God!
175
00:07:03,741 --> 00:07:06,741
I'm at the open house,
but something's...
176
00:07:06,743 --> 00:07:08,748
wrong here.
177
00:07:08,749 --> 00:07:10,749
Emily?
178
00:07:10,752 --> 00:07:11,752
Emily?
179
00:07:18,748 --> 00:07:20,757
Emily!
180
00:07:20,758 --> 00:07:22,748
Baby!
181
00:07:22,754 --> 00:07:25,738
Emi... ly!
182
00:07:25,739 --> 00:07:26,749
Come back!
183
00:07:26,750 --> 00:07:29,740
Where's your family,
loser?
184
00:07:32,739 --> 00:07:34,746
What a beautiful day.
185
00:07:35,751 --> 00:07:37,741
I'll get it!
186
00:07:39,752 --> 00:07:41,737
Emily!
There you are.
187
00:07:41,738 --> 00:07:43,748
Hey, I'm Dave,
Emily's husband.
188
00:07:43,749 --> 00:07:44,749
What?
189
00:07:44,750 --> 00:07:46,756
I'm Emily's husband.
190
00:07:46,757 --> 00:07:49,757
Josh! Don't come in,
don't close the door!
191
00:07:51,756 --> 00:07:53,756
What the hell?
192
00:07:55,741 --> 00:07:56,761
♪ O-O-O-Open House ♪
193
00:07:56,762 --> 00:07:59,737
Try the window!
194
00:07:59,742 --> 00:08:01,742
Let's check upstairs!
195
00:08:04,738 --> 00:08:06,737
What's going on?
196
00:08:06,738 --> 00:08:07,738
It's a set, Josh.
197
00:08:07,743 --> 00:08:09,063
This whole thing...
it's a sitcom.
198
00:08:09,087 --> 00:08:10,537
Well, how do we get out?
199
00:08:10,737 --> 00:08:11,747
I don't know!
200
00:08:14,750 --> 00:08:16,749
Hon,
I know you're upset,
201
00:08:16,750 --> 00:08:18,740
but we can't say
stuff like that here.
202
00:08:18,746 --> 00:08:20,736
- We'll lose our audience.
- That's it!
203
00:08:20,741 --> 00:08:22,741
Maybe if we do stuff
you can't do on sitcoms
204
00:08:22,743 --> 00:08:24,743
we can get out of here!
205
00:08:27,752 --> 00:08:29,756
What else can't you do
on sitcoms?
206
00:08:29,757 --> 00:08:30,757
I don't know.
207
00:08:30,759 --> 00:08:32,749
How did any of this
even happen?
208
00:08:32,750 --> 00:08:35,738
And who is that guy that
keeps calling you "hon"?
209
00:08:35,742 --> 00:08:36,747
Um... that's...
210
00:08:36,748 --> 00:08:38,757
Mom, why does this guy
call Dad "that guy"?
211
00:08:38,758 --> 00:08:40,758
And why does the girl
call you "Mom"?
212
00:08:40,759 --> 00:08:42,747
And why do I love
this water?
213
00:08:42,752 --> 00:08:45,738
Are you cheating on us
with another family?
214
00:08:45,739 --> 00:08:47,739
Um... well...
I...
215
00:08:47,743 --> 00:08:48,747
uh...
216
00:08:54,743 --> 00:08:56,752
The music.
That's it.
217
00:08:56,753 --> 00:08:58,761
We have to follow
the format, not fight it.
218
00:08:58,762 --> 00:09:02,739
I'm calling
a family meeting.
219
00:09:05,737 --> 00:09:07,757
The truth is, I haven't been
real with any of you.
220
00:09:07,759 --> 00:09:11,737
Josh, I came here because
sometimes I feel overwhelmed
221
00:09:11,738 --> 00:09:12,898
by the chaos
at the apartment.
222
00:09:12,922 --> 00:09:14,747
I know we chose
to have roommates
223
00:09:14,749 --> 00:09:17,739
so we could afford a better
school district for Candice,
224
00:09:17,740 --> 00:09:19,748
but just once a week,
I like to imagine life
225
00:09:19,749 --> 00:09:21,739
with a little more peace
and order.
226
00:09:21,741 --> 00:09:23,751
Open houses give me the strength
to deal
227
00:09:23,752 --> 00:09:28,738
with the weird art projects,
the exposed wires, and Alex.
228
00:09:28,741 --> 00:09:30,741
There's something really wrong
with that guy.
229
00:09:30,744 --> 00:09:34,743
Dave, Caitlin, I can't be a part
of your family anymore.
230
00:09:34,744 --> 00:09:37,751
I'm sorry, but it's time for me
to go back to my real home.
231
00:09:37,752 --> 00:09:38,752
I understand.
232
00:09:38,753 --> 00:09:41,743
But is it okay
if I just stay here?
233
00:09:41,745 --> 00:09:44,755
My triplets are a real pain
in the tuchus.
234
00:09:58,754 --> 00:10:02,751
I've never been so excited
to leave an open house!
235
00:10:02,752 --> 00:10:03,752
Let's go home.
236
00:10:03,753 --> 00:10:05,751
- Michelle?
- Dave!
237
00:10:05,752 --> 00:10:06,752
Where you been?
238
00:10:06,756 --> 00:10:08,746
There's something wrong
with the kids.
239
00:10:08,749 --> 00:10:11,748
They're making this weird noise,
and they won't stop.
240
00:10:11,749 --> 00:10:13,739
Uh...
Dave!
241
00:10:13,743 --> 00:10:15,743
You bastard!
Don't you shut me out!
242
00:10:15,744 --> 00:10:17,759
Don't you dare
shut me out!
243
00:10:19,745 --> 00:10:20,745
Ah, thank God.
244
00:10:20,754 --> 00:10:21,756
Classic Dave!
245
00:10:21,757 --> 00:10:23,757
Whataya gonna do with me?
246
00:10:25,749 --> 00:10:29,739
♪ Classic Dave ♪
247
00:10:31,753 --> 00:10:34,753
You were right. This is fun
for the whole family.
248
00:10:34,755 --> 00:10:37,735
- On your left!
- Hey!
249
00:10:37,743 --> 00:10:39,738
Nice family, loser.
250
00:10:40,746 --> 00:10:43,756
Oh, hey, I got you
something.
251
00:10:43,759 --> 00:10:45,209
Tins!
252
00:10:45,736 --> 00:10:46,896
Now you can finally
drink tea.
253
00:10:46,920 --> 00:10:49,746
- Thanks.
- Look out!
254
00:10:49,747 --> 00:10:51,747
How do you stop
this thing?
255
00:10:52,753 --> 00:10:55,743
Does anyone else
hear that?
17400
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