Original subtitles

Do you think Nathan should join the choir?

Do you think he'd enjoy that?

What sort of voice has he got? He'd be a bit old and querulous, wouldn't he?

No. Your old workplace is still there, huh?

Gaffey was telling me that my old boss had left.

And they're glad it was moving.

Off duty and tauntering, isn't it?

When did we last taunt her?

I'd have to check my diary.

You never saunter. You're always on the gallows.

Leaky rules. Wait for no man.

Now, there's someone who knows how to saunter.

Bet she saunters all the time.

She looks locked.

But she doesn't care.

Shall I help her, do you think?

There's no power on Earth that'll stop you, Jess.

Once a Samaritan.

May I help?

Thank you.

Now I know this is a good time.

This didn't happen in Manchester or Berlin.

Oh, don't be fooled. We've got drugs and vandals and burger bars and we're

stacking teachers.

I don't believe it's that bad. Maybe not.

You have to forgive me for going on. I don't have many conversations with

grown -ups.

What are you looking for?

I'm looking for Charles Darwin.

Oh, the trouble's started.

You don't need the map.

We go down here.

Today's special offer. Oh, thank you.

They're lovely.

That was absolutely lovely.

We must do this more often.

We'll try.

Okay.

Drink?

Hello!

Hello!

Yeah, well, look what the wind's blowing.

Fancy you two condescending to come home. If we had died, you wouldn't have

known till you read about it in the papers.

May, when you've been gone a couple of hours, you're perfectly safe. She has

children to look after. You do not. We are your sole responsibility.

And she can't protect us from him.

Lovely. Thank you, Jesus.

Blessed are the poor in spirit, may, for theirs is the kingdom of heaven. That's

right.

We're going to adopt a copse. What is it worth saving against?

Oak, beech and ancient hornbeam.

You have five trees planted for you every year, and when you die, they'll

be there. Oh, that's lovely.

Are you going to use some brighter colours in that? Not in this one.

I think I'll lift the toddle. Okay, lass.

See?

See? He's no sooner in the door than he wants out again.

He always goes for a drink on a Sunday.

Somebody's driving him to drink. It isn't me.

Oh, here come the Methodists to take you to church, Nathan. Get your coats on.

Oh, thank you.

Honestly, I think I love my life.

Hello, hello.

Hello, Peter.

Oh, this is Cathy, Peter Fox.

Spinster of this parish. Hi, Peter.

Thanks, Cathy.

Taxi for Nathan, is he ready? Oh, he's been ready since Thursday.

How's he settling in?

Oh, he's putting him to the test, of course. Never mind.

We'll keep on turning the other cheek until we run out of cheeks. Hello,

Thank you very much.

Thanks. You'd better mind this step. Yep. There we go.

Careful of your head. That's it. Right. You're in. Good.

Evening. Evening.

This is the mobile of Jacob Copperstone Joinery.

Sorry, I can't pick up the phone at the moment.

Can you leave your number, and I'll get back to you as soon as I can.

Jacob, it's just me again, love. Wonder where on earth you got to.

Please call me.

Hello? Kathy, I hope I haven't woken you.

No, of course not.

Um, you haven't seen Jacob, have you?

No, why?

Well, he went to the pub this afternoon.

Have you tried phoning him? His mobile's switched off.

Maybe he's met a friend or something.

No, he would have phoned me.

I'm a bit worried.

Well, if you're worried, maybe you should call the police.

The police?

No.

Do you think?

I don't know.

Oh, I'm just being silly.

I'll wait and see what happens and... I'll check in the morning.

All right.

Good night, love.

Hasn't Jacob come home yet? I don't know.

Late. I'm sure there's a really perfectly reasonable explanation. My

swollen today.

Thank you.

Oh, Jessie, you spoil us. I am toasty.

Oh, lovely.

Warm feet.

Do you want the light on?

No, I think I'm going to read a little.

Night -night. Night -night, darling. Don't you wait up for that little boy.

Any sign of him?

No.

Have you taken your pills?

Yes. He's probably been murdered.

Lord, he's got a floozy.

Everybody's got a floozy these days. Even pastors and priests.

Especially pastors and priests.

Or he's fallen in the river and drowned.

Good night, May. But that happens all the time.

Forgive me.

I was expecting you on Monday, and it's now Friday.

Please telephone and let me know when you intend to do the work.

Oh,

my God, my little man, God.

I am not going to go.

Someone else will have to go. Good morning, Mrs.

Copleston. P .T. Cowley.

Do you think she'll come to take her to prison?

No, of course I don't.

Take me for a fool, but don't ask me to come down to your precious morgue and

identify my son's corpse, that's all. No one's going to take you anywhere,

madam. I'm Mrs. Copperstone. I know you coppers, kicking down doors in the

middle of the night. Hey, please.

Come through, officer.

If you want my advice and if you're looking for criminals, go down to the

hall and arrest the council.

Lock them up and throw the key in the river.

Or better still, keep the key and throw the council in the river.

I'm afraid there's still no news.

She's quite a character, your mother.

My mother -in -law.

And the other lady?

Her sister, my husband's aunt.

They both live here?

Yeah.

And my husband's cousin, Nathan, is upstairs.

Do you have any children?

No, that's...

That's Nella, our foster daughter.

She died.

I'm sorry.

Everything's clear.

Except for what he was wearing, of course.

Is that a good sign?

It suggests his disappearance wasn't premeditated.

O merciful Saviour, I beseech thee, hear my prayers.

If it be thy holy will, send our dear Jacob back to us and restore thine own

lamb to the sheepfold.

For poor Jess is at her wit's end and knows not where he is.

Nathan. But if it be not thy will, would you... God forbid, and I'm sure dear

Lord, it's not planning.

Are you all religious?

More or less, yes.

Nathan's a Methodist, I'm a Baptist.

Brenda's a Quaker, come Buddhist.

And May's a Presbyterian. We used to be one.

No, no reason.

I'll let you know if there's any news. But please, Mr. Cobblestone, don't

Okay? Bye.

Come on, we hurry!

Poor steam ahead.

Not too deep.

You splashed me!

Yeah. The trick is, you've got to remember to do the opposite of what you

normally do.

So if you want to go right, pull left, yeah?

Got it?

Always remember that.

Can Mum have a go now?

Mum can't, Ro. She's useless.

I'm not.

I don't like it. Right, go on. You have a go. On your own, then. Go for it.

Now we're in trouble.

Jesse, I need a word.

Luke, tell Jesse who he saw in Ludlow this morning.

Jacob. You see?

He's alive. You saw him? Where?

Are you sure it was him? Yeah.

I was in the butchers in the square getting some organic venison for Mum.

And I came out and there he was. So I was like, hi, Jacob.

Well, what did he say? Was he all right?

Well, he...

Sort of smiled and...

And the rest played Luke.

And then this person came up carrying, like, supermarket shopping bags.

And then they sort of, like, went off.

What person?

Yeah, like, a woman.

With, like, sort of fair hair.

Good, he's alive.

More alive than we thought.

I just don't understand how I didn't see it coming.

I know.

We had such a lovely day on Sunday.

You couldn't say anything to the oldest.

Oh, how can I not?

Trouble is, I convinced myself he was dead.

Oh, this is better than, isn't it?

Is it better?

Jess, forgive my being a nuisance.

I think the girls need you. I think, if you'll pardon my being so outspoken,

it's a toilet problem.

I'll be here if you need me.

It's all right. I've been in there for hours, and I need to go.

I can't handle it much longer. Daddy, will you be long?

I can't do.

Oh, well, run the tap, dear. That always helps. I have run the tap.

Well, run it again.

Give it time to work.

I wet my knickers.

Perhaps I can help.

Thank you, Nathan. I told you you didn't. I've an idea. I'm going to wet

chair.

Oh, Brenny, could you come out just for a minute? I'll put you on a chair with a

pad. Oh, I couldn't possibly. Don't worry.

Hang on, then.

Nathan. Hang on.

I'm coming.

Did you take your medicine today?

You have in the yellow packet.

Hang on, May.

Too late.

Too late.

I've gone in the chair.

And it's not my fault. It's her fault.

Brandy, don't move.

Don't move, May.

If only I were fitter and stronger.

If you were fitter and stronger, you silly old fart.

You wouldn't be here at all, and my Jacob would be here. It's you that's

him away.

Father forgives them, for they know not what they do.

I know what I'm doing, you sanctimonious old fool.

I'm pissing on the furniture.

It's all right, I'm going.

All right, dear.

Jason, I'll be there in a minute. Going properly?

I sit over.

What about me, Brenda?

We've only got one mother between us, and I was much right to her as you have.

I'm not your mother, either way.

I'm not anybody's mother.

No, no.

You're half on its way. My half? What do you mean?

Jacob? What can he be saying to her?

He's changing.

How I should give him such a talking to. Young Luke saw us this morning.

Yes, I know. I know. He told me.

So, um... She got a name?

Yeah, of course she's got a name. She's called Hazel.

Blonde called Hazel.

I did try. I honestly did try, but I couldn't stop thinking about her.

She's had a hell of a life. She got knocked about by her husband, so she's

divorced him, but then she was left with a couple of young children and a dog.

But she's picked herself up. She's just finished her hospitality skills course

at the local further education college.

Kids are six and eight. Oh, yeah, I suppose we are, really.

But I know how awful this must be for you, love, especially being lumbered

the oldies.

But just as I think of myself as a joiner, I think of you as a

carer doing, I don't know, your duty as a Christian, your duty as a woman.

You're so strong, Jay.

I suppose it goes with the Christianity and such.

So where did I go wrong, Jacob?

With my duty as a woman?

Or my Christianity?

Poor Jess.

Come away.

I need to know what is happening.

Is he right?

I'm sorry, no.

On a basis for comparison.

He does. He's having orgasms in Ludlow.

A blonde called Hazel with a diploma in hospitality skills.

What else did he say?

I'm a very strong woman.

Makes you sound like a bloody Hungarian weightlifter.

Where did you leave it?

I said he'd call me again in a couple of days' time.

Hopes I'm not too unhappy.

He won't let me down.

He promises.

He still cares for me.

He

wanted me

to know that.

It's rather I didn't try to get in touch with him.

Things are a bit tricky.

He'd rather you didn't get in touch.

Things are a bit tricky.

Bollocks to that.

You've got his number. Ring him. No, he said not.

Oh, Jess, could you give me a hand? My knees seem to have stuck.

You don't have to kneel to pray, Nathan.

God sees you kneeling in spirit. What if I hadn't been here and you'd fallen?

That would have been very selfish of me and put you to even more trouble.

But it won't be for much longer.

I'm going to move out. Oh, don't be silly.

It was a mistake coming here, Jess. I tipped the scales. I upset the balance.

Where would you go?

Oh, yes. Well, the place I have in mind is called the Brambles.

Don't worry. Mrs Evans, the matron, is a Methodist lay preacher with an ample

bosom.

I'm writing to her to inquire about accommodation.

Why do you want to leave me all of a sudden?

To give you your life back.

I just want Jacob back.

Oh, I want him to come home.

I want everything to be as it was.

Is this a private party or may anyone attend?

Nathan's threatening to leave us.

Don't listen to him, the old hypocrite.

It's attention -seeking behaviour.

He thinks he's Jesus making the supreme sacrifice.

I'm not contemplating the supreme sacrifice. I'm contemplating the

rest home.

This could be your lucky day.

One down and two to go.

But I don't want any of you to go.

Why would I be without you?

Free!

You smoke?

Yeah, now and again.

At work.

There was no need to come rushing over, you know?

There was a need. I had a need.

Yeah, of course you did.

But there are other people involved, you know.

And I'm really anxious to keep the temperature down for everybody.

Thank you.

Certainly, sir.

I really need time to organise things at this end and it doesn't help if you

come running after me.

It's not good for Hazel to get upset.

I worry about her nerves.

Her nerves?

She's not like you, Jess.

You're so strong and capable.

And she's weak and incapable.

She's had a rotten life.

I won't...

Nella

used to like coming here, do you remember?

Pink ice cream.

Most of it in her hair.

Were there other women, Jacob, before Hazel?

Not really.

Are you... Sorry, I was waiting.

Waiting for me to be mother.

That's always been the problem, hasn't it, Jacob?

Waiting for me to be mother.

Here, come on. Have a sweetie.

Which ones are they?

God knows.

Heart, blood pressure.

Tell him to keep my bones and brain.

It's all a conspiracy.

The doctors pretend we're immortal, the drug companies get fatter, and we all

die.

Could that be Jacob?

Oh, don't be silly.

He's having a dalliance in Ludlow. It's the vicar's wife.

The minister's wife.

Yes, my babysitter. Oh, silly, of course.

Thanks for coming in. Jack, how are you?

As well as can be expected.

Well, taking Brenda for a walk must be the last thing you need. Well, that's

what I'm going to get.

Jane.

Off we go, then.

Hello, Jane.

Hello, Brenda. Nice to see you.

Hello, May.

Guess what I've got in here?

I can't imagine.

A jigsaw. Of?

The Taj Mahal in the moonlight.

The west front of Chartres Cathedral.

The 1966 World Cup final.

The Houses of Parliament.

Goodie, goodie.

Why don't you go in the kitchen and make yourself a cup of tea while I sort out

the edges?

Excellent.

See you later, you two. Yes, off you go.

Cuddle. I'll let you into a secret.

May hides the pieces down the side of the chair.

And she accuses Jane of only buying cheap jigsaws from the charity shops.

Yes, well, I'll let you into a secret. Jane knows.

When Jacob was a little boy,

May used to slap him.

Always slapping him around the legs for some minor misdemeanor.

This was in her strict Presbyterian days, before she took against God.

Used to upset me.

Was such a docile little chap.

And he grew up into a quiet man, a family man.

We don't usually come here.

Jacob disappeared once before, when Ella died.

This is where I found him, just looking into the water.

Jeff, you must promise me not to do anything silly.

Will you promise?

We shall, Monsieur.

You must take great care of yourself.

We'll come and see you very soon. Yes, thank you very much. I don't want me to

go.

I will be one less thing to worry about.

I don't worry about you.

May I come visit?

Oh, yes, of course.

You must keep me up to date with the news.

Don't worry about me, Jess.

I mean, where I live is irrelevant.

I live in my own inner space, and I've done since Bethan passed on.

I am my own house, crawling snail -like to God.

Always forgiving me.

Always telling me I didn't mean any harm.

Blatant provocation.

It's good riddance.

It's a double celebration.

We've got rid of the men.

I had a man friend once.

A fellow geography teacher.

We were both life members of the Shropshire Wildlife Trust.

He went off and married an historian.

Very nice woman.

Chubby.

I believe they lived very happily at Market Graton.

A place I do not much care for.

I only mention this to show I have had some small experience.

How a man can just discard a person.

Very odd.

Look tight.

So do you really never want to see Nathan again?

I don't see how it would improve my life in any way.

Well, we're visiting him on Friday.

Do I take it the alternative is to sit at home doing another bloody jigsaw with

a reluctant babysitter?

Then deal me in.

I'm told you're a sort of a Christian.

Yes, I am a Methodist. Well, then consider this as a Methodist. Did Christ

suffer from constipation?

I can't say that I've ever really thought about that.

Well, on the one hand, we have the probable high -fiber diet, deriving

from the desert. And you know the desert is consisting mainly of grit.

And on the other hand, the most common fruit is generally considered to be the

pig. Now, pigs have a very similar effect.

They can be seismic in their consequences. Would you like some

Oh,

well, chocolate binds me dreadfully.

But when I get home, I shall take seven prunes, and that will establish the

balance of my effort system.

Is your room all right? Well, it's better than that.

I've got a little bungalow.

It hasn't happened either about it.

I hear the beating of the Holy Spirit outside my window.

And I've made a new friend, Dorothy.

Dorothy?

Yes.

She's a Quaker.

She looks very nice.

She's a tranquil person like myself.

Does that feel better?

No, of course not.

I'll never be better.

Well?

What? I heard you on the telephone earlier, talking to my good -for

son.

I could tell that an arrangement was being made.

Now, what is the arrangement?

And what am I expected to do about it?

They're going to pass a visit.

They? Jacob and his friend.

And they're going to bring the two children and the dog. Oh, I hate dogs.

I'll keep the dog well away from you, then.

A wise precaution.

Am I to assume these children are not of Jacob's begetting?

Of course not.

Just behave yourself.

The hair.

Not very good. Not right.

Here we go.

This is my Hazel.

Hi.

The children, Lara, Fergus.

The dog, Leda.

You are welcome.

I gather you are joining the family.

Yeah. I'm sorry we haven't come to see you before.

I've got a lot to sort out.

Sorry if you're worried.

You were always a difficult boy.

We heard the police, you know.

They released a constable from his duties in the male boys' choir.

It's best for me to look for him.

I'm really sorry, Mrs. Copperstone.

Oh, I'm bad.

What are you wearing?

What have you got on? What has she come as?

Puss in boots?

They're all the rage.

Well, I suppose we'd all like a nice cup of tea, wouldn't we?

Why are you doing this exactly?

Doing what?

Well, being nice to me and so on.

Is it, um... Is it being sort of Christian or something?

I suppose now that the initial shock is over, I want to make a new life for

myself and all of us. And if that can be done on the basis of respect and

friendship and family love, then much the better for myself and everyone.

Crikey.

I'll just take this to Brenda.

Oh, yeah. There's another one, isn't there?

We keep her upstairs.

I hear your company has arrived.

Yes. Would you like to come downstairs and meet them? Thank you, dear.

That won't be necessary.

Oh,

that cake looks delicious.

Two, three.

Good luck.

Why don't you just say it, Jake, and then we can go home.

Hazel's pregnant.

I thought you told her that.

We're worried about the baby. We don't want him or her to be born outside of

marriage.

So we were wondering if you would consider giving us, well, I think it's

a quickie divorce.

Then if we move sharpish, Hazel and I could be married before the baby's born.

What do you think?

Don't really know what I think.

It's just that Hazel thinks it would be better for the other. Yes, I do. I do

know what I think.

I think that the marriage vows I made were real and binding for life.

Yes.

Yes, that's what I think.

But as soon as Jacob makes it ship -ship, we'll all go out on the river. Do

like that?

I thought I told you two to stay away from the water.

Didn't I?

Didn't I?

But we really liked it and it's a good job as well because we found the boat.

Yeah. And we want to ride on it.

Who'd like some cake?

Me, please.

All right.

You go and play and I'll bring it out for you.

Yeah.

big enough already.

Oh, poor you.

My sister was sick all day long with her, too.

Then all of a sudden she felt, well, euphoric.

We'd like the baby to have a name.

My name.

Why don't we talk about it one to one the next time you visit your mother?

Just sit down.

Come on, down the other end.

Come on.

What if you give them hugs?

That's what's making her drowsy. We just had a little ball and we're going to

the hospital.

We're here, May. We're at the hospital.

It's going to be all right, darling.

We're here now.

I'm going to stay with you.

It's all right.

I was only half watching, but I think she was going to give me a hug.

She'll be fine. She just needs to get some rest now.

OK.

Yes, she came towards me and fell.

She'd broken her thigh. She's going to be in here at least a month.

Excellent. Give you a rest.

What are you going to do with your freedom?

Go clubbing?

Put yourself a toy boy?

At least have your belly button pierced. I think I might start going to church

again.

Well, have a word with the Lord thy God, the bastard Ogle.

I'm so sorry to hear about May. How is she? Oh, they say she'll be in there

for... At least I'm sorry.

Right, well, I'm ordering you, my dear, just to go home straight to bed with hot

whiskey and lemon and stay there until further notice.

I think I've overslept.

How are you this morning?

Much the same, thank you.

You know, I've been thinking.

My friend Apple's calling in later.

Oh. You don't complain.

She might be able to help you.

What? Well, she's basically a geographer, but she's been looking into

Buddhism and alternative therapies and yoga.

I'm sure she could find something for you.

Oh, Jacob, now what?

Sorry, I have to talk to you, Jess. Well, it won't take long.

Oh, look, 20 new jackets.

Have you made up your mind?

About what?

The divorce.

Of course I haven't. Well, you'll have to make your mind up soon.

It sounds like it ends in or else, does it?

I'll have to divorce you.

On what possible grounds?

Well, it's a legalistic thing, but...

The solicitor said unreasonable behaviour is the usual choice.

Unreasonable behaviour?

And obviously, we're going to have to divide our property. Look, written a

That's your copy.

Oh.

Even her.

That's nice.

Like bathroom towels.

Anyway, look, if you like, you check it over and I'll come round with the van

later in the week.

Can't manage without my nice old armchair.

Oh, but you can manage without your nice old wife.

Oh, Jess.

I know it's awful.

Just go.

Did Blondie write this?

Well, it's not Jacob's handwriting.

You can see her, can't you?

A griefing, round teacher.

winning the full prize for handwriting and neatness.

I've got a handwriting expert in the kitchen and a Zen Buddhist in the

room.

Sorry to butt in, but Brenda tells me Jeff needs a consultation.

Does she? Do I?

Yes, you do.

What you feel is legitimate rage.

You must let your anger out. You need a surrogate. What?

A surrogate for the person who's injured you.

Now, which is the person's chair?

Oh, that's the person's chair.

More cushions.

In the conservatory.

What's she doing?

Poor Avril's little sense of humour.

But she's only 52.

And still liable to enthusiasms.

Now, you lamber at him. You scream at him. You shout at him. You kick him. You

hit him.

You tear him limb from limb.

How can you do that?

Thanks, Avril. I'll try.

Too many people don't know what to do.

Now then, I can do this.

You can do it.

If you want to go left, turn

right.

If you want to go...

I didn't know she was a lover.

She looks very nice.

Nice? Oh.

That woman is a saint.

Yes.

No, no need to bring her anything. She's not really up to that yet.

Hello, May. How are you?

You're very late.

Well, I'm here now. What is it for you? I don't like fruit.

You don't have to like it, May. Just eat it.

You had your scan? Yes.

And they said it's a hairline fracture.

with a Latin name.

And yesterday I had a total body scan and I had to be inserted into a huge

magnet. They said I was very brave.

They said they'd never met anyone like me.

I'm not surprised.

You've got your clean nightie.

There's a whole pile of washing in there for you to take home.

Oh, good.

You've brought some bags this time.

And don't forget the pink bed jacket.

And, uh, my new friend, Mrs. Jenkins, she needs some laundry doing, too.

What?

This is very kind of you, dear.

Oh, don't worry about it. Dee Dee loves keeping people clean.

Anything else, madam?

Oh, there's no need to be sarcastic.

We're all gravely ill in here, you know.

Even in our agony, we are a noble example to the human race.

Mrs Jenkins is from Wales and my other neighbour is from Bengal. She is a

We are citizens of the world.

My daughter -in -law isn't really interested in the larger picture. She's

homely type. She likes to stay home and bake.

Her ambition was a higher form of chiropody.

But she never achieved it.

Poor thing.

Her problem is she's a Puritan.

He won't even let me read my favourite magazine in the house. Now, you should

read this article I was telling you about, The Female Orgasm.

It's on page 23.

Those nurses certainly earn their money.

You said there was something you wanted to discuss.

It's not so much a matter of discussion, but rather of information.

Dorothy and I are going to be married.

Married?

I realise it's all rather sudden, but...

Our age, well, there's no time to be lost.

We both prayed, singly and apart, to assess whether this was a

divine leading.

And it was.

We're getting married three weeks on Wednesday.

We have the first slot at the registry.

May I hope, Geoffrey dear, that you will be a witness?

Yes, of course.

I'm very happy for you.

We saw you rowing on the river.

Oh, God, how embarrassing.

I told Dorothy all about you. What on earth did he say?

He said you were the most precious, most loving, most tender being on earth.

I'm so glad he's had someone like you in his life.

Crikey.

So, this is exciting.

And are you going to invite May? That's my next question.

Oh, no.

Oh. Oh,

May.

Where's your charitable spirit?

Hello, Jess.

Hi, Jessie.

Everything all right?

Look. What are they?

Tulips.

Oak, beech, and ancient hornbeam.

You have five trees planted for you every year, and when you die, they'll

be there. Oh, that's lovely.

They're going to put them right in colour, then, then?

No, they're made of tulips. They're not quite... No, they're a bit shaped.

Like a harlequin.

Too bright.

The car's toddled.

See? He's no sooner in the door up than he's out again.

He always goes for quiet fights.

I know.

He's driving him great.

Good afternoon. Can we help you, please?

I'd just like to browse, if I may. Yes, of course.

Thank you.

Right. Do you have it in any other colour?

Good afternoon. Do you have an appointment?

And could I possibly have my hair done now?

I can tell you're impressed.

It's a bit of a shock, that's all.

I'm sure I shall get used to it.

Yes, I like it.

It's, uh, well, assertive, isn't it?

Liberating. Look what else I've got.

Oh, we used to call those sirens.

People wore them to the air raid shelters during the war.

That's a tracksuit. I'm going to start jogging, get fit as part of my makeover.

What you need is a trampette.

It's a miniature trampoline.

Peter Fox has one. He swears by it. He does a hundred bounces at the start of a

day, and apparently it releases tension and leaves you spry and uplifted.

Perhaps we should both have an exercise routine.

Oh, Jessie, do I have to? Well, you know what the doctor says.

Yes, I know exactly what she says.

But the truth is, the pain is less since I accepted that my active life is

basically over.

Over? Nonsense.

Look at Nathan.

He's getting married again.

No, I don't mean it like that.

I've simply reached that time of day.

Twilight. It's neither good nor bad. It simply is a kind of zen thing.

No, don't make fun of me.

He's pretty.

Very pretty.

I look silly.

Not at all. Lovely.

Yes, young girl.

You're too far ahead, Douglas.

No, I'm not afraid.

I don't want to get everything now.

It still doesn't make sense. I don't want to be there when we get it.

I never want to be there when we get it.

Why have the pram cluttering up the floor? It's not going to clutter up the

floor. Yes, it is.

It's barely room for us in the places it is. Come on, Lara.

Come on, darling, don't dawdle. Keep moving, will you? We're all tripping

your feet.

Gotcha. Oh, hello, Peter.

I was just... Heidi.

I saw her.

It's so humiliating.

You've done something with your hair, haven't you?

Well, at least you didn't scream.

Scream? Why should I? It's lovely.

But it's you.

More you than you used to be.

Well, good.

That's nice, thank you.

Brenda tells me you've got a trumpet.

I hear you're a secret bouncer.

No longer a secret, is it?

Can you wait for us? I know, but actually it's quite difficult walking.

Thanks for being so considerate.

I know.

No, it's... Once you get into... Don't.

But once you get into the rhythm of the bounce, of the bounce, that's right,

yeah.

I made the scones yesterday, and I do recommend the damson jam. It's another

of my triumphs. I'm sure.

Well, I can't tell you, Jessie, how happy it makes me to have you here.

I've always been rather in awe of you.

Me?

Awe? That's ridiculous.

Yes, I've always thought of you as rather an intellectual.

Well, that's just because I used to work at the library. You remember me with a

background of books.

I haven't actually read one for ages.

Well, certainly not since, um... Since Jacob left?

Ah, sorry, shall I, um, not talk about him?

No, no, no, it's all right. Talk about him.

Well, uh, in my...

ham -fisted way, I thought that him just being a joiner and you being

intellectual and so deeper than him, maybe that was the difference that...

So I'm speaking out of turn.

I think it's more basic than that.

He simply found a younger, fitter, more fertile animal.

Sexual selection according to the gospel of Joseph.

I think there is much more to sexual selection than is dreamt of in Charles

Darwin's philosophy.

You do?

Yes.

Yes, I certainly do, Jessie.

Last night I was thinking, Jacob has got Hazel.

Nathan has got Dorothy.

May has an entire hospital.

Brenda has Zen Buddhism.

Does nobody need me anymore?

The world will always have needed people like you.

Do you know, Jacob never so much as made me a cup of tea.

You've made me two in one afternoon.

Well, it's a great honor to make Jesse Coppiston a cup of tea. No, two cups of

tea.

Oh, it's good to hear you laugh.

We never tried the trumpet.

No. Well, um...

Next time you come, we will definitely make a point of it.

Thanks

very

much, Peter. Lovely.

Don't forget to put a date in the diary.

In here.

Bye -bye.

Jess, did you have a nice jog?

Brilliant.

And you'll never guess who I saw. Peter. And I went to his house for tea.

Oh, did you have a bounce?

What? A bounce.

Oh, no, no, no, no, I didn't. Maybe next time.

Ladies and gentlemen, would you all raise your glasses and toast the happy

couple, Nathan and Dorothy.

Nathan and Dorothy.

Well, I like them. Oh, it won't do you any harm.

Bethan, my first wife.

Yes, I know who Bethan is.

Oh, yes.

Thank you. Thank you for all you've done. Thank you.

No, Bethan came for a very strict work.

Thank you.

It came from a very strict Welsh tabernacle tradition. For

example, not even knitting was allowed on the Sabbath. And she was a consummate

knitter. So you see, there was a real sacrifice involved

there. I'm not a knitter.

Do you mind?

Not in the slightest.

But it's delicious.

No wonder they turned it into a sin.

Oh, love that will not let me go.

I rest my weary soul on thee.

I give thee back the life I owe.

oceans, depths, its flow may richer flow.

Jess.

What's wrong, love?

Well, it's just that they're so happy. And at the moment, I can't stand the

sight of happiness.

I have to run away from it.

So let's run away.

Come on.

Okay?

I know where we can go.

This is where I'd like you to scatter my ashes.

I will, but not for at least 40 years.

Don't think I can wait that long.

I can't manage without you. Of course you can.

Do you want me to go bald again?

What are you on about?

When I was 13, my hair fell out.

Nobody knew why.

The doctor mumbled something about alopecia.

It's always been a bit of a mystery.

And I wouldn't wear a wig.

And all the kids at school giggled and looked the other way.

Except one.

I'm sorry, I remember.

My hair needs you.

You've got lovely hair.

Do you remember when Sheila Delaney got chased by a goat?

Just over there.

She got her comeuppance.

Oh, that's so sweet. I suspect they're having an early night with a couple of

funny women.

Jacob's here.

He hasn't got for a long time.

That's all I need.

I hope you haven't got a van load of my furniture.

It's not funny.

Why are you here?

I needed to see you.

And I've still got my key, so... I just thought you'd let yourself in, did you?

Brenny? Yes?

I'll be up in a minute, tell you all about the wedding. All right, dear.

You're not supposed to be here at all.

I thought we were only supposed to communicate by way of our lawyers.

Apparently you've been ignoring the letters from the lawyers. I've been very

busy.

Do you want to hear what the letters say?

I don't know if I can stop you.

Well, it all revolves around me.

She's almost fully recovered now. Yes, I know. I visit her regularly.

So the question is, where does she go when she leaves hospital?

Yes, I agree. That is the question.

What is the answer?

Well, she can either go into some home or she could come back here.

Here?

If you have a bath, we'll allow you to keep this house under the divorce

settlement.

But if you won't have it back, then this place will have to be sold and we'll

divide the money equally between us. It was all laid out fully and explained in

the letters that you've chosen not to read.

So May comes here or Elle? I realise it sounds like an ultimatum, but... She's

your mother. Why can't she come in with you? Oh, do you know my mother?

Hazel couldn't possibly cope.

Yeah, she's got two children, a dog and my husband to take care of. And all that

nice blonde hair might fall out, poor thing.

Please. I need you to help me.

This is me talking, Jacob.

This is my house. I was born here. So leave the key and let yourself out.

What time is it?

It's early, Rennie.

How would you feel about May coming back to live here?

Well, I won't pretend.

It's been totally delightful without her.

Is she likely to be part of the divorce settlement?

You get custody of May?

I get custody of May.

On Friday.

Oh no.

Soup's too hot.

Mum, perfect.

In the hospital, the soup was always served peppered, so that the elderly

wouldn't burn their tongues.

I put it aside to cool.

Do you have any cheddar?

At the hospital, they always gave me cheddar cheese cut up in little squares.

So big.

Not squares.

They would be cubes.

I haven't got any cheddar. I've got some nice caffili.

Do you really imagine I'd want anything Welsh?

After spending seven weeks in the next bed to that dreadful Mrs. Jenkins.

Why don't you just blow on it, May?

Thank you.

Oi.

I'm watching that.

No, you're not. You're coming to bed. Come on. I'm not.

Of course you are. We all are. Come on, mate. Go on, then. Bugger off. Don't

mind me.

In the hospital, the nurses would sit up talking to me all night in my walk.

Yes, well, the nurses work in shifts. They take it in turns. I do this 24

a day. Now, come on. Poor old you.

Oh, God, you're such a sanctimonious, self -pitying cow.

No wonder my son found a little bit on the side.

You can stay down here all night if you want to.

Do what you like. It doesn't matter to me. But you know what I'll do? I'll shit

and piss.

I'll shit and piss all over the floor.

And your precious house will be like a sewer.

Please, don't be silly. Just come to bed.

Come on.

There's a good girl. Come on. You're treating me like a baby.

like a baby. Come on. Shit and piss. Shit and piss.

Shit and piss. Shit and piss. Shit and piss. Shit and piss. Come on.

Oh, shit and piss. Shit and piss.

Come on. Shit and piss. Shit and piss.

Oh,

get up.

What's happened?

What's going on?

How does that concern you?

She's my mother. She fell. I think I pushed her.

And then I hit her.

Oh, shut up, Jess. Of course you didn't hit her. Don't tell my wife to shut up.

Your wife?

Look, if she did hit me, I'd have blamed her. I'd have killed the old bat years

ago. I mean, all your fault, you bastard. Please, be quiet.

It's the hospital.

Which of you is Mr.

Cocklesmith?

May I have a word? I'll come with you. I don't need any of you.

There is some bruising to the arm.

The lady's insistent that you attacked her.

That's because I grabbed her because she wouldn't go to bed.

We were both screaming and shouting and she fell and she didn't get up and I

thought she was dead.

So I called the hospital.

I was hoping she was dead. I wanted her to be dead. I've been wanting her dead

for months.

Excuse me.

Thank you.

So what happens now?

It's felt that further investigations are called for. We'll be in touch.

But I did hit her, Peter. Well, even if you did, it couldn't have been very

hard. I just popped in to see her and she was perfectly all right.

I know why she does it. She knows I love her, but she's just breaking out. She's

trying to be herself and she's forgotten how to do it.

We're taking her home.

Two minutes.

Wait for me in the car.

I just wanted to say Kathy's right.

My fault.

Honestly, Jeff.

If it wasn't for the baby, I'd come home tomorrow.

Well, if you want to make yourself useful, you can find somewhere else for

to live. She's obviously not safe with me.

I'll make inquiry.

I've got a lot on work at the moment, but I'll... I'll try.

Give me a hug, Jane.

Oh, you smell so nice.

You can let me go now.

Thank you.

Go on, you can go now.

Thank you.

Raymond Chandler. Dorothy

is seeking to broaden my perception of the world.

I've also managed to persuade him that reading in bed need not be restricted to

the Bible.

Adored.

We visited May yesterday.

How was she?

All the life and soul of the nursing home.

She also said that she'd like to see you.

Did she mean it?

Oh, well.

With May, who can tell?

Anyway, bye -bye. Bye -bye, Justin.

Yes.

Hello,

May.

Oh, no, don't hit me, don't hit me.

Oh, I'm just a...

Poor old woman, and she's welcome to steal my purse and my post office book.

I'm sure this lovely lady isn't going to hit you, May.

Oh, but promise you won't tie me up and do ghastly things. I just came to see

how you are, May. I don't want to upset you.

If you'd rather I left, I will. Of course not. You don't need to come.

They're full of security bullshit here, you know, for fear of abuse of the

elderly.

Not that they'd give a toss about us, but they're terrified of being sued for

damages. which, believe me, is a temptation, Jessie.

I don't remember you ever calling me Jessie.

You always called me Dee Dee. I never did know why.

And you, a so -called career woman in trousers.

Dee is for daughter.

I never had one.

I had to manage with you.

And look at me now.

Is it true that you've dumped Brenda as well?

Mm -hmm. She's at the Brambles.

Nathan and Dorothy are keeping an eye on her. She's very happy.

Well, thank God she isn't here.

She wanted to kill me too.

She used to put things in the muesli, you know.

But I kept some as evidence for the forensic expert. You've got two more

visitors, mate.

I've brought your crotch under for you.

There we are.

Now then.

Let me look at him.

How are you, little fellow?

Oh, I'm sorry. I didn't realise.

It's all right.

And this is?

His name is Sebastian Edward Copperstone.

He's beautiful.

I think he's got Jake's eyes.

I see.

Jolly well hopes, though, young lady.

And my son's name is Jacob, if you don't mind. No.

I want to ask you something. Are you breastfeeding him?

And how long do you intend to go on?

It is very important, you know, for their well -being.

I hope you've been reading all about it.

I breastfed Jacob for six months, or was it a year? I think it was a year.

You see how he turned out.

Oh, maybe you meet someone in the library.

Oh, not according to my friend Charles Darwin.

I was talking to him, and in the other day... He's still using it, doesn't he?

Charles, I said, you closed the churches.

You predicted I'd be superseded by a fitter, more fertile specimen, and you

right, I said.

I've been discarded.

May have been discarded, but we're both fighting back.

Oh, no, they haven't done the floor.

What do you think?

Yeah.

You're right when it's finished.

You're going to be all right living on your own.

I've been on my own for years.

Now you can enjoy your freedom.

Let me tell you something, Cathy.

Freedom is terrifying.

I don't know yet if I can live with freedom.

It's amazing, isn't it? How much can change in a year?

I'm not as nice as I was.

No, you're not.

Well, thank you very much, Baldi.

Do you want to see my ensuite?

Oh, yes.

Ho ho ho!