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1
00:00:07,600 --> 00:00:09,200
They just walked out of there!
2
00:00:09,200 --> 00:00:11,240
Yeah, I know,
I was sort of sitting next to you.
3
00:00:11,240 --> 00:00:13,560
The whole Waters family.
They just walked right out of there!
4
00:00:13,560 --> 00:00:17,240
Again, I was in the room.
How do they always manage that?!
5
00:00:17,240 --> 00:00:18,680
They're good.
6
00:00:18,680 --> 00:00:20,480
They're greedy
and they'll do it again,
7
00:00:20,480 --> 00:00:22,760
and next time we're going to
catch them in the act.
8
00:00:22,760 --> 00:00:23,760
How?
9
00:00:33,360 --> 00:00:34,320
No good?
10
00:00:34,320 --> 00:00:37,400
They always know we're coming.
How do they always know?!
11
00:00:37,400 --> 00:00:39,720
They're good, they work at it.
12
00:00:39,720 --> 00:00:42,280
They're never going to stop.
Well, neither are we.
13
00:00:52,600 --> 00:00:53,720
Argh!
14
00:01:02,600 --> 00:01:04,440
Argh!
15
00:01:04,440 --> 00:01:07,320
Argh! AARGH!
16
00:01:08,560 --> 00:01:09,920
Oh! Greg...
17
00:01:09,920 --> 00:01:12,160
In the act!
18
00:01:12,160 --> 00:01:16,320
It's the only way we're going to
do this, in the act!
19
00:01:26,320 --> 00:01:26,881
COMPUTER BEEPS
20
00:01:45,280 --> 00:01:47,160
They're still blocking it?
21
00:01:47,160 --> 00:01:49,440
Yeah. Very efficiently hacked.
22
00:01:49,440 --> 00:01:52,000
They must be bloody pleased
with themselves.
23
00:01:52,000 --> 00:01:54,200
They must be.
24
00:01:59,960 --> 00:02:01,400
Right then?
25
00:02:01,400 --> 00:02:04,880
Ah, no! No, you've got to make
the arrest. This one's yours, boss.
26
00:02:04,880 --> 00:02:07,040
You've never called me boss before.
27
00:02:07,040 --> 00:02:09,440
Oh, well, look what happens
when you're good.
28
00:02:09,440 --> 00:02:12,680
You know how most days
aren't good days?
29
00:02:12,680 --> 00:02:14,921
This is a good day. Not for the Waters family.
TEXT ALERT
30
00:02:15,920 --> 00:02:17,960
OK, ten men on the roof,
all exits covered.
31
00:02:17,960 --> 00:02:20,560
The bank's closed, so we've no hostages to worry about.
TEXT ALERT
32
00:02:21,320 --> 00:02:22,840
Sorry, no, go on. Go on.
33
00:02:22,840 --> 00:02:25,001
Um, we've got the tunnel entrance covered...
TEXT ALERT
34
00:02:25,080 --> 00:02:26,680
...and Davies, Willow and Christie
35
00:02:26,680 --> 00:02:28,961
are heading up armed response on Mafeking Road.
TEXT ALERT
36
00:02:29,360 --> 00:02:31,760
Sorry, I'd better get this.
It's him, isn't it?
37
00:02:38,960 --> 00:02:40,680
I, I, I have to go. What?!
38
00:02:40,680 --> 00:02:42,000
You make the arrest. No way!
39
00:02:42,000 --> 00:02:44,120
Sorry, you'll be fine.
I'm cool with this.
40
00:02:44,120 --> 00:02:47,400
Jones will get all the credit
if you leave now, you know he will.
41
00:02:48,440 --> 00:02:51,520
Yeah, well, yeah, it doesn't matter,
I have to go.
42
00:02:55,600 --> 00:02:57,520
Back up! I need maximum back up!
43
00:02:57,520 --> 00:02:59,480
Baker Street now!
44
00:03:12,000 --> 00:03:13,200
What's going on?!
45
00:03:13,200 --> 00:03:15,120
This is hard. What?
46
00:03:15,120 --> 00:03:17,480
Really hard.
Hardest thing I've ever had to do.
47
00:03:20,040 --> 00:03:22,960
Do you know any funny stories
about John?
48
00:03:24,560 --> 00:03:26,640
What?!
49
00:03:26,640 --> 00:03:29,680
I need anecdotes.
Didn't go to any trouble, did you?
50
00:03:29,680 --> 00:03:30,880
SIRENS WAIL, HELICOPTER HOVERS
51
00:04:12,920 --> 00:04:13,420
VIOLIN MUSIC
52
00:04:57,360 --> 00:05:00,720
Shut up, Mrs Hudson.
I haven't said a word.
53
00:05:00,720 --> 00:05:02,760
You're formulating a question,
54
00:05:02,760 --> 00:05:05,240
it's physically painful
watching you think.
55
00:05:05,240 --> 00:05:07,160
I thought it was you playing.
56
00:05:07,160 --> 00:05:08,320
It was me playing.
MUSIC STOPS
57
00:05:09,320 --> 00:05:10,800
I am composing.
58
00:05:10,800 --> 00:05:13,200
You were dancing.
59
00:05:13,200 --> 00:05:14,680
I was road-testing.
60
00:05:14,680 --> 00:05:15,880
You what?
61
00:05:15,880 --> 00:05:17,720
Why are you here?
62
00:05:17,720 --> 00:05:21,560
I'm bringing you your morning tea.
You're not usually awake.
63
00:05:21,560 --> 00:05:23,000
You bring me tea in the morning?
64
00:05:23,000 --> 00:05:24,760
Well, where do you think
it came from?
65
00:05:24,760 --> 00:05:27,160
I don't know.
I just thought it sort of happened.
66
00:05:27,160 --> 00:05:28,800
Your mother has a lot to answer for.
67
00:05:28,800 --> 00:05:31,360
Hmm, I know. I have a list.
68
00:05:31,360 --> 00:05:33,560
Mycroft has a file.
69
00:05:33,560 --> 00:05:36,600
So, it's the big day then.
70
00:05:36,600 --> 00:05:38,760
What big day?
71
00:05:38,760 --> 00:05:42,320
The wedding! John and Mary
getting married.
72
00:05:42,320 --> 00:05:45,160
Two people who currently live
together are about to attend church,
73
00:05:45,160 --> 00:05:48,040
have a party, go on a short holiday,
then carry on living together.
74
00:05:48,040 --> 00:05:50,320
What's big about that?
It changes people, marriage.
75
00:05:50,320 --> 00:05:51,920
Hmm, no it doesn't.
76
00:05:51,920 --> 00:05:56,200
Well, you wouldn't understand,
cos you always live alone.
77
00:05:56,200 --> 00:05:58,440
Your husband was executed
for double murder.
78
00:05:58,440 --> 00:06:00,640
You're hardly an advert
for companionship.
79
00:06:00,640 --> 00:06:04,360
Marriage changes you as a person
in ways that you can't imagine.
80
00:06:04,360 --> 00:06:05,880
As does lethal injection.
81
00:06:05,880 --> 00:06:09,320
My best friend, Margaret,
she was my chief bridesmaid,
82
00:06:09,320 --> 00:06:12,680
we were going to be best friends
forever, we always said that,
83
00:06:12,680 --> 00:06:14,400
but I hardly saw her after that.
84
00:06:14,400 --> 00:06:17,120
Aren't there usually biscuits?
I've run out. Have the shops?
85
00:06:17,120 --> 00:06:20,720
She cried the whole day, saying,
"Ooh, it's the end of an era."
86
00:06:20,720 --> 00:06:22,480
I'm sure the shop
on the corner is open.
87
00:06:22,480 --> 00:06:26,200
She was probably right, really.
I remember she left early.
88
00:06:26,200 --> 00:06:30,400
I mean, who leaves a wedding early?
So sad.
89
00:06:30,400 --> 00:06:32,760
Hmm. Anyway, you've got
things to do.
90
00:06:32,760 --> 00:06:35,840
No, not really. I've got plenty of
time to get ready... Biscuits!
91
00:06:35,840 --> 00:06:38,840
Oh! I really am going to
have a word with your mother.
92
00:06:38,840 --> 00:06:41,520
You can if you like,
she understands very little.
93
00:06:57,400 --> 00:06:59,280
Right then.
94
00:07:04,880 --> 00:07:07,000
Into battle.
95
00:08:11,000 --> 00:08:11,681
CHURCH BELLS TOLL
96
00:08:13,120 --> 00:08:14,840
Congratulations!
97
00:08:14,840 --> 00:08:18,720
OK, hold it there, I want to get
this shot of the newlyweds.
98
00:08:18,720 --> 00:08:21,160
Er, just the bride and groom,
please.
99
00:08:22,320 --> 00:08:25,000
Sherlock...
Oh, sorry.
100
00:08:25,000 --> 00:08:28,520
OK, three, two, one, cheese.
101
00:08:37,360 --> 00:08:41,640
The famous Mr Holmes.
I'm very pleased to meet you.
102
00:08:41,640 --> 00:08:43,960
But no sex, OK? Sorry?!
103
00:08:43,960 --> 00:08:47,240
You don't have to look so scared,
I'm only messing.
104
00:08:47,240 --> 00:08:50,880
Bridesmaid, best man,
it's a bit traditional.
105
00:08:50,880 --> 00:08:53,320
Is it? But not obligatory.
106
00:08:53,320 --> 00:08:57,040
If that's the sort of thing you're looking for,
the man over there in blue is your best bet.
107
00:08:57,040 --> 00:08:59,320
Recently divorced doctor
with a ginger cat...
108
00:08:59,320 --> 00:09:02,600
A barn conversion and a history
of erectile dysfunction.
109
00:09:02,600 --> 00:09:05,080
Reviewing that information,
possibly not your best bet.
110
00:09:05,080 --> 00:09:06,480
Yeah, maybe not.
111
00:09:06,480 --> 00:09:09,200
Sorry, there was one more deduction
there than I was expecting.
112
00:09:09,200 --> 00:09:12,640
Mr Holmes, you're going
to be incredibly useful.
113
00:09:20,640 --> 00:09:22,840
Hello. Lovely to meet you.
114
00:09:22,840 --> 00:09:24,640
How are you?
Beautiful, Mary.
115
00:09:24,640 --> 00:09:26,640
Thank you.
Congratulations.
116
00:09:26,640 --> 00:09:27,680
David!
117
00:09:27,680 --> 00:09:32,440
Ah, ah, Mary. Congratulations,
you look, um, very nice.
118
00:09:32,440 --> 00:09:35,720
Thanks. John, congratulations.
You're a lucky man. Thank you.
119
00:09:35,720 --> 00:09:39,320
Um, David, this is Sherlock. Hmm.
120
00:09:39,320 --> 00:09:42,280
Um, yeah, we've um... We've met.
121
00:09:45,840 --> 00:09:49,720
So, what exactly are my duties
as an usher?
122
00:09:51,080 --> 00:09:53,400
Let's talk about Mary first.
123
00:09:53,400 --> 00:09:54,840
Sorry, what?
124
00:09:54,840 --> 00:09:58,520
Well, I think you know what.
You went out with her for two years.
125
00:09:58,520 --> 00:10:00,880
Er, ages ago. We're...
We're just good friends now.
126
00:10:00,880 --> 00:10:02,120
Is that a fact?
127
00:10:02,120 --> 00:10:06,320
Whenever she tweets, you respond within five
minutes, regardless of time or current location,
128
00:10:06,320 --> 00:10:10,040
suggesting you have her on text alert. In your
Facebook photographs of the happy couple,
129
00:10:10,040 --> 00:10:13,480
Mary takes centre frame, whereas John
is always partly or entirely excluded.
130
00:10:13,480 --> 00:10:17,320
Well, you can't assume from that I've still
got some kind of interest in Mary...
131
00:10:17,320 --> 00:10:20,840
You volunteered to be a shoulder to cry on
on no less than three separate occasions.
132
00:10:20,840 --> 00:10:23,520
Do you have anything to say
in your defence?
133
00:10:23,520 --> 00:10:26,480
I think from now on, we'll downgrade
you to casual acquaintance.
134
00:10:26,480 --> 00:10:28,920
No more than three planned
social encounters a year
135
00:10:28,920 --> 00:10:30,760
and always in John's presence.
136
00:10:30,760 --> 00:10:33,320
I have your contact details.
I will be monitoring.
137
00:10:34,920 --> 00:10:39,000
They're right about you.
You're a bloody psychopath.
138
00:10:39,000 --> 00:10:42,200
High functioning sociopath,
with your number.
139
00:10:52,680 --> 00:10:53,880
Um...
140
00:10:56,560 --> 00:10:58,760
Hello. Darling. Thank you.
141
00:10:58,760 --> 00:11:00,960
You look fabulous. Thank you.
142
00:11:00,960 --> 00:11:02,880
Thanks for coming, thank you.
143
00:11:04,880 --> 00:11:07,320
Er, yes, well done in the service,
Archie.
144
00:11:07,320 --> 00:11:11,280
He's really come out of his shell.
I don't know how you did it. Um...
145
00:11:16,040 --> 00:11:18,280
Basically it's a cute smile
to the bride's side,
146
00:11:18,280 --> 00:11:20,640
cute smile to the groom's side
and then the rings. No.
147
00:11:20,640 --> 00:11:22,280
And you have to wear the outfit. No.
148
00:11:22,280 --> 00:11:24,280
You really do have to wear
the outfit. What for?
149
00:11:24,280 --> 00:11:27,200
Grown-ups like that sort of thing.
Why?
150
00:11:27,200 --> 00:11:29,320
I don't know, I'll ask one.
151
00:11:29,320 --> 00:11:31,720
You're a detective.
152
00:11:31,720 --> 00:11:34,320
Yep. Have you solved any murders?
153
00:11:34,320 --> 00:11:36,560
Sure, loads. Can I see?
154
00:11:38,040 --> 00:11:39,240
Yeah, all right.
155
00:11:41,440 --> 00:11:42,001
COMPUTER BEEPS
156
00:11:46,480 --> 00:11:48,280
What's all the stuff in his eye?
157
00:11:48,280 --> 00:11:51,000
Maggots. Cool!
158
00:11:51,000 --> 00:11:52,280
Hmm.
159
00:11:52,280 --> 00:11:55,040
He said you had some
pictures for him, as a treat?
160
00:11:55,040 --> 00:11:57,240
Er, yes, if he's good.
161
00:11:57,240 --> 00:11:59,800
Beheadings. Lovely little village.
162
00:11:59,800 --> 00:12:02,160
Hmm? What did you say?
163
00:12:06,920 --> 00:12:08,400
Hold it.
164
00:12:10,280 --> 00:12:11,440
Nice.
165
00:12:15,920 --> 00:12:18,040
I'm starving. Thanks.
166
00:12:18,040 --> 00:12:20,240
I had to lose so much weight to
get into this dress.
167
00:12:20,240 --> 00:12:20,740
JOHN LAUGHS
168
00:12:22,080 --> 00:12:24,200
Hmm, he's nice.
169
00:12:24,200 --> 00:12:27,760
Traces of two leading brands of deodorant,
both advertised for their strength,
170
00:12:27,760 --> 00:12:30,960
suggestive of a chronic body odour
problem, manifesting under stress.
171
00:12:30,960 --> 00:12:33,680
OK, done there.
What about his friend?
172
00:12:36,360 --> 00:12:39,920
Long-term relationship,
compulsive cheat. Seriously?
173
00:12:39,920 --> 00:12:42,160
Waterproof cover on his smart-phone.
174
00:12:42,160 --> 00:12:45,200
Yet his complexion
doesn't indicate outdoor work.
175
00:12:45,200 --> 00:12:48,360
It suggests he's in the habit of taking
his phone into the shower with him,
176
00:12:48,360 --> 00:12:52,120
which means he often receives texts and emails
he'd rather went unseen. Can I keep you?
177
00:12:52,120 --> 00:12:54,920
Do you like solving crimes?
Do you have a vacancy?
178
00:12:56,360 --> 00:12:58,240
So, Harry? Er, no. No show.
179
00:12:58,240 --> 00:12:59,720
Darling, I'm so sorry.
180
00:12:59,720 --> 00:13:02,680
Yeah, it was a bit of a punt
asking her, I suppose.
181
00:13:02,680 --> 00:13:05,320
Still, free bar,
wouldn't have been a good mix.
182
00:13:07,280 --> 00:13:09,320
Oh. God, wow!
183
00:13:09,320 --> 00:13:12,400
Is that...? He came.
184
00:13:16,320 --> 00:13:20,000
So that's him, Major Sholto.
Uh-huh.
185
00:13:22,520 --> 00:13:26,400
If they're such good friends,
why does he barely even mention him?
186
00:13:26,400 --> 00:13:29,840
He mentions him all the time to me,
never shuts up about him.
187
00:13:29,840 --> 00:13:31,960
About HIM? Mm-hmm.
188
00:13:31,960 --> 00:13:34,400
Urgh! I chose this wine,
it's bloody awful!
189
00:13:34,400 --> 00:13:37,280
Yes, but it's definitely him
that he talks about? Mm-hmm.
190
00:13:37,280 --> 00:13:40,400
I'm very, very, glad to see you, sir.
191
00:13:41,600 --> 00:13:44,680
I know you don't really
do this sort of thing.
192
00:13:44,680 --> 00:13:47,000
Well, I do for old friends,
Watson.
193
00:13:47,000 --> 00:13:48,760
John.
194
00:13:48,760 --> 00:13:50,840
It's good to see you. You too.
195
00:13:53,640 --> 00:13:55,560
Civilian life suiting you, then?
196
00:13:55,560 --> 00:13:59,400
Er, er, yes. Well, I think so, sir.
No more need for the trick cyclist?
197
00:13:59,400 --> 00:14:02,080
No, I go now and then.
Sort of a top-up.
198
00:14:03,520 --> 00:14:05,840
Therapy can be very helpful.
199
00:14:08,600 --> 00:14:11,440
Where are you living these days?
200
00:14:11,440 --> 00:14:14,640
Oh, way out in the middle of
nowhere. You wouldn't know it.
201
00:14:14,640 --> 00:14:17,080
You look well... I've never even
heard him say his name.
202
00:14:17,080 --> 00:14:20,480
Well, he's almost a recluse,
you know, since... Yes.
203
00:14:20,480 --> 00:14:22,320
I didn't think he'd show up at all.
204
00:14:22,320 --> 00:14:24,560
John says he's the most unsociable
man he's ever met.
205
00:14:24,560 --> 00:14:26,600
He is? He's the most unsociable?
Hmm.
206
00:14:26,600 --> 00:14:30,120
Ah, that's why he's bouncing around
him like a puppy.
207
00:14:30,120 --> 00:14:32,240
Oh, Sherlock!
208
00:14:32,240 --> 00:14:35,640
Neither of us were the first,
you know. Stop smiling.
209
00:14:35,640 --> 00:14:37,640
It's my wedding day!
210
00:14:40,520 --> 00:14:42,640
Urgh!
211
00:14:42,640 --> 00:14:43,140
BANGING
212
00:15:07,520 --> 00:15:08,020
PHONE RINGS
213
00:15:11,000 --> 00:15:13,680
Yes? What, Sherlock?
214
00:15:13,680 --> 00:15:15,800
Why are you out of breath? Filing.
215
00:15:15,800 --> 00:15:19,640
Either I've caught you in a compromising
position or you've been working out again.
216
00:15:19,640 --> 00:15:21,640
I favour the latter.
What do you want?
217
00:15:21,640 --> 00:15:24,240
I need your answer, Mycroft,
as a matter of urgency.
218
00:15:24,240 --> 00:15:28,200
Answer? Even at the eleventh hour,
it's not too late, you know.
219
00:15:28,200 --> 00:15:29,360
Oh, Lord!
220
00:15:29,360 --> 00:15:32,560
Cars can be ordered,
private jets commandeered.
221
00:15:32,560 --> 00:15:35,520
Today. It's today, isn't it?
222
00:15:35,520 --> 00:15:38,760
No, Sherlock, I will not be
coming to the night-do,
223
00:15:38,760 --> 00:15:40,440
as you so poetically put it.
224
00:15:40,440 --> 00:15:44,360
What a shame.
Mary and John will be extremely d...
225
00:15:44,360 --> 00:15:47,320
Delighted not to have me
hanging around.
226
00:15:47,320 --> 00:15:48,760
Oh, I don't know.
227
00:15:48,760 --> 00:15:51,880
There should always be
a spectre at the feast.
228
00:15:51,880 --> 00:15:55,280
So, this is it, then? The big day.
229
00:15:55,280 --> 00:15:58,280
I suppose I'll be seeing
a lot more of you from now on.
230
00:15:58,280 --> 00:16:00,840
What do you mean?
Just like old times.
231
00:16:00,840 --> 00:16:04,360
No, I don't understand. 'Well,
it's the end of an era, isn't it?'
232
00:16:04,360 --> 00:16:07,400
John and Mary, domestic bliss.
233
00:16:07,400 --> 00:16:10,600
No, no, no. I prefer to think of it
as the beginning of a new chapter.
234
00:16:12,600 --> 00:16:16,120
What? Nothing.
I know that silence. What?
235
00:16:16,120 --> 00:16:17,840
Well, I'd better let you
get back to it.
236
00:16:17,840 --> 00:16:20,440
You have a big speech or something,
don't you?
237
00:16:20,440 --> 00:16:23,960
What? Cakes, karaoke, mingling.
238
00:16:23,960 --> 00:16:27,320
Mycroft! This is what people do,
Sherlock. They get married.
239
00:16:27,320 --> 00:16:30,040
I warned you, don't get involved.
240
00:16:30,040 --> 00:16:32,000
Involved? I'm not involved. No...
241
00:16:32,000 --> 00:16:35,440
John asked me to be his best man, how could I say no?
Absolutely. I'm not involved.
242
00:16:35,440 --> 00:16:37,600
I believe you. Really, I do.
243
00:16:37,600 --> 00:16:41,440
Have a lovely day and do give
the happy couple my best.
244
00:16:42,680 --> 00:16:43,920
I will.
245
00:16:43,920 --> 00:16:48,080
Oh, by the way, Sherlock,
do you remember Redbeard?
246
00:16:50,400 --> 00:16:52,600
I'm not a child anymore, Mycroft.
247
00:16:52,600 --> 00:16:54,640
No, of course you're not.
248
00:16:54,640 --> 00:16:57,120
Enjoy not getting involved, Sherlock.
249
00:17:19,240 --> 00:17:21,080
Pray silence for the best man.
250
00:17:21,080 --> 00:17:21,920
CHEERING AND APPLAUSE
251
00:17:28,840 --> 00:17:31,040
Ladies and gentlemen,
252
00:17:31,040 --> 00:17:33,600
family and friends,
253
00:17:33,600 --> 00:17:36,080
and...
254
00:17:36,080 --> 00:17:38,880
um, others.
255
00:17:42,880 --> 00:17:45,160
Er...
256
00:17:50,160 --> 00:17:51,920
A-also...
257
00:17:56,440 --> 00:17:59,000
Greg... Molly.
I've just had a thought.
258
00:17:59,000 --> 00:18:00,080
Is that a brain?
259
00:18:00,080 --> 00:18:02,200
What if John asks Sherlock
to be his best man?
260
00:18:02,200 --> 00:18:04,560
Well, he will, won't he?
He's bound to. Exactly.
261
00:18:04,560 --> 00:18:08,840
So? So, he'll have to make a speech,
in front of people.
262
00:18:08,840 --> 00:18:12,480
There'll be actual people there,
actually listening.
263
00:18:13,600 --> 00:18:15,800
Well, what's the worst
that could happen?
264
00:18:15,800 --> 00:18:18,040
Helen-Louise probably
wondered the same.
265
00:18:18,040 --> 00:18:19,600
Helen-Louise?
266
00:18:23,080 --> 00:18:23,580
PHONE RINGS
267
00:18:25,680 --> 00:18:27,040
Oh, hello dear.
268
00:18:27,040 --> 00:18:29,480
I was just thinking,
if John does ask Sherlock...
269
00:18:29,480 --> 00:18:32,560
What, the speech, dear?
No, it'll be fine.
270
00:18:32,560 --> 00:18:35,520
It's not just the speech,
though, is it?
271
00:18:35,520 --> 00:18:36,201
MRS HUDSON LAUGHS
272
00:18:43,800 --> 00:18:45,240
Oh, brilliant!
273
00:18:45,240 --> 00:18:48,400
Mrs Hudson? Hello, darling.
Are you all right?
274
00:18:48,400 --> 00:18:50,960
I was coming to see Sherlock
and I thought you were...
275
00:18:50,960 --> 00:18:53,440
No... Possibly dying.
276
00:18:53,440 --> 00:18:55,480
Oh, sorry.
277
00:18:55,480 --> 00:18:57,920
What's wrong?
278
00:18:57,920 --> 00:19:00,520
The telegrams!
279
00:19:00,520 --> 00:19:02,040
Sorry, what?
280
00:19:02,040 --> 00:19:04,760
Oh, sorry.
281
00:19:07,520 --> 00:19:09,760
Telegrams!
282
00:19:09,760 --> 00:19:12,880
Right, um...
283
00:19:12,880 --> 00:19:16,840
First things first, telegrams.
284
00:19:16,840 --> 00:19:20,320
Well, they're not actually telegrams, we
just call them telegrams. I don't know why.
285
00:19:20,320 --> 00:19:22,040
Wedding tradition.
286
00:19:22,040 --> 00:19:25,440
Because we don't have enough of that
already, apparently.
287
00:19:25,440 --> 00:19:26,520
"To Mr and Mrs Watson,
288
00:19:26,520 --> 00:19:29,240
"so sorry I am unable to be with
you on your special day.
289
00:19:29,240 --> 00:19:32,440
"Good luck and best wishes,
Mike Stanford." Aah. Aw.
290
00:19:32,440 --> 00:19:35,160
"To John and Mary, all good
wishes for your special day,"
291
00:19:35,160 --> 00:19:37,360
"with love and many big..."
292
00:19:37,360 --> 00:19:40,520
"Big squishy cuddles
from Stella and Ted."
293
00:19:42,640 --> 00:19:45,720
"Mary, lots of love..."
294
00:19:45,720 --> 00:19:47,560
Yeah?
295
00:19:47,560 --> 00:19:52,520
"Poppet. Oodles of love
and heaps of good wishes from Cam."
296
00:19:52,520 --> 00:19:55,840
"Wish your family
could have seen this."
297
00:19:55,840 --> 00:20:00,520
"Special day..."
"Very special day..."
298
00:20:00,520 --> 00:20:03,040
"Love..." "Love..." "Love..."
"Love..." "Love..."
299
00:20:03,040 --> 00:20:06,160
Bit of a theme, you get the general
gist. People are basically fond.
300
00:20:06,160 --> 00:20:06,721
QUIET LAUGHTER
301
00:20:08,520 --> 00:20:10,640
John Watson.
302
00:20:13,280 --> 00:20:15,320
My friend, John Watson.
303
00:20:16,800 --> 00:20:18,840
John...
304
00:20:18,840 --> 00:20:22,360
When John first broached the subject
of being best man, I was confused.
305
00:20:22,360 --> 00:20:24,960
Sherlock? What was that
noise downstairs?
306
00:20:24,960 --> 00:20:26,360
Oh, it was Mrs Hudson laughing.
307
00:20:26,360 --> 00:20:28,600
Hmm, it sounded like
she was torturing an owl.
308
00:20:28,600 --> 00:20:30,760
Yeah, well, it was laughter.
309
00:20:30,760 --> 00:20:31,960
Could have been both.
310
00:20:32,960 --> 00:20:34,320
Busy?
311
00:20:34,320 --> 00:20:38,440
Oh, just occupying myself.
Sometimes it's so hard not smoking.
312
00:20:38,440 --> 00:20:40,680
Mind if I interrupt?
313
00:20:40,680 --> 00:20:41,800
Be my guest.
314
00:20:43,880 --> 00:20:46,960
Tea? Er...
315
00:20:46,960 --> 00:20:49,920
So, er, the big question.
316
00:20:49,920 --> 00:20:51,200
Mm-hmm?
317
00:20:52,720 --> 00:20:54,680
The best man.
318
00:20:54,680 --> 00:20:56,040
The best man?
319
00:20:56,040 --> 00:20:58,320
What do you think?
Billy Kincaid.
320
00:20:58,320 --> 00:21:01,400
Sorry, what? Billy Kincaid, the Camden
Garrotter, best man I ever knew.
321
00:21:01,400 --> 00:21:03,560
Vast contributions to charity,
never disclosed.
322
00:21:03,560 --> 00:21:06,400
Personally managed to save
three hospitals from closure
323
00:21:06,400 --> 00:21:09,520
and ran the best and safest
children's homes in north England.
324
00:21:09,520 --> 00:21:14,080
Yes, every now and again there'd be some garrotings, but
stacking up the lives saved against the garrotings,
325
00:21:14,080 --> 00:21:16,320
on balance I'd say he...
For my wedding.
326
00:21:16,320 --> 00:21:17,920
For me, I need a best man.
327
00:21:17,920 --> 00:21:20,280
Oh, right. Maybe not a garrotter.
328
00:21:20,280 --> 00:21:22,800
Gavin? Who?
329
00:21:22,800 --> 00:21:25,840
Gavin Lestrade?
He's a man and good at it.
330
00:21:25,840 --> 00:21:28,840
It's Greg.
And he's not my best friend.
331
00:21:28,840 --> 00:21:30,560
Oh, Mike Stanford, I see.
332
00:21:30,560 --> 00:21:33,760
Well, he's nice. Um, though I'm not
sure how well he'd cope with all...
333
00:21:33,760 --> 00:21:36,560
No, Mike's great,
but HE'S not my best friend.
334
00:21:38,640 --> 00:21:42,360
Look, Sherlock, this is the biggest
and most important day of my life...
335
00:21:42,360 --> 00:21:44,880
Well... No, it is. It is.
336
00:21:44,880 --> 00:21:47,200
And I want to be up there
with the two people
337
00:21:47,200 --> 00:21:51,400
that I love and care about
most in the world. Yes.
338
00:21:54,280 --> 00:21:56,520
So Mary Morstan... Yes.
339
00:21:59,040 --> 00:22:00,240
And...
340
00:22:04,200 --> 00:22:05,480
...you.
341
00:22:08,040 --> 00:22:10,600
I confess at first I didn't realise
he was asking me.
342
00:22:10,600 --> 00:22:14,600
When finally I understood, I expressed to him
that I was both flattered and surprised.
343
00:22:19,440 --> 00:22:23,480
I explained to him that I'd never expected this
request and I was a little daunted in the face of it.
344
00:22:23,480 --> 00:22:24,760
Sherlock...
345
00:22:28,600 --> 00:22:32,240
I nonetheless promised I would do my very
best to accomplish a task which was, for me,
346
00:22:32,240 --> 00:22:34,680
as demanding and difficult
as any I had ever contemplated.
347
00:22:34,680 --> 00:22:38,520
Additionally, I thanked him for the trust
he placed in me and indicated that I was,
348
00:22:38,520 --> 00:22:42,200
in some ways, very close to
being moved by it.
349
00:22:46,920 --> 00:22:48,880
No, it's getting a bit scary now.
350
00:22:48,880 --> 00:22:51,320
It later transpired that I'd said
none of this out loud.
351
00:22:51,320 --> 00:22:51,820
LAUGHTER
352
00:22:58,320 --> 00:22:59,480
So, in fact...
353
00:23:02,720 --> 00:23:04,920
You, you mean... Yes.
354
00:23:06,240 --> 00:23:08,680
I'm your...
355
00:23:08,680 --> 00:23:11,640
best... Man.
..friend?
356
00:23:13,280 --> 00:23:14,960
Yeah, of course you are.
357
00:23:16,320 --> 00:23:19,720
Of course... You're my best friend.
358
00:23:28,400 --> 00:23:31,360
How was that?
359
00:23:31,360 --> 00:23:33,080
Surprisingly OK.
360
00:23:35,200 --> 00:23:37,840
So you'll have to make a speech,
of course.
361
00:23:46,000 --> 00:23:48,160
Done that. Done that.
362
00:23:48,160 --> 00:23:50,000
Done that bit, done that bit.
363
00:23:50,000 --> 00:23:52,680
Done that bit. Hmm.
364
00:23:54,680 --> 00:23:57,160
I'm afraid, John,
I can't congratulate you.
365
00:23:57,160 --> 00:23:59,400
All emotions,
and in particular love,
366
00:23:59,400 --> 00:24:02,760
stand opposed to the pure, cold
reason I hold above all things.
367
00:24:02,760 --> 00:24:05,120
A wedding is,
in my considered opinion,
368
00:24:05,120 --> 00:24:09,760
nothing short of a celebration of all
that is false and specious and irrational
369
00:24:09,760 --> 00:24:12,800
and sentimental in this ailing
and morally compromised world.
370
00:24:12,800 --> 00:24:16,120
Today we honour the deathwatch beetle
that is the doom of our society,
371
00:24:16,120 --> 00:24:19,000
and in time, one feels certain,
our entire species.
372
00:24:26,320 --> 00:24:30,040
But anyway, let's talk about John.
Please.
373
00:24:30,040 --> 00:24:32,960
If I burden myself with a little
helpmate during my adventures,
374
00:24:32,960 --> 00:24:36,880
this is not out of sentiment or caprice, it
is that he has many fine qualities of his own
375
00:24:36,880 --> 00:24:39,600
that he has overlooked
in his obsession with me.
376
00:24:39,600 --> 00:24:43,120
Indeed, any reputation I have for mental
acuity and sharpness comes, in truth,
377
00:24:43,120 --> 00:24:46,320
from the extraordinary contrast
John so selflessly provides.
378
00:24:46,320 --> 00:24:50,600
It is a fact, I believe, that brides tend to favour
exceptionally plain bridesmaids for their big day.
379
00:24:50,600 --> 00:24:54,080
There is a certain analogy there,
I feel. And contrast is, after all,
380
00:24:54,080 --> 00:24:56,840
God's own plan to enhance
the beauty of his creation.
381
00:24:56,840 --> 00:24:59,280
Or it would be if God were not
a ludicrous fantasy
382
00:24:59,280 --> 00:25:02,280
designed to provide a career
opportunity for the family idiot.
383
00:25:02,280 --> 00:25:02,780
MUTTERING
384
00:25:05,600 --> 00:25:08,360
The point I'm trying to make
is that I am
385
00:25:08,360 --> 00:25:12,320
the most unpleasant, rude,
386
00:25:12,320 --> 00:25:15,160
ignorant and all-round
obnoxious arsehole
387
00:25:15,160 --> 00:25:18,520
that anyone could possibly have
the misfortune to meet.
388
00:25:18,520 --> 00:25:21,000
I am dismissive of the virtuous,
389
00:25:21,000 --> 00:25:23,080
unaware of the beautiful
390
00:25:23,080 --> 00:25:25,720
and uncomprehending
in the face of the happy.
391
00:25:26,840 --> 00:25:29,400
So if I didn't understand
I was being asked to be best man,
392
00:25:29,400 --> 00:25:32,640
it is because I never expected
to be anybody's best friend.
393
00:25:34,080 --> 00:25:36,320
And certainly not the best friend
394
00:25:36,320 --> 00:25:39,640
of the bravest and kindest
and wisest human being
395
00:25:39,640 --> 00:25:42,480
I have ever had the good fortune
of knowing.
396
00:25:44,000 --> 00:25:45,880
John, I am a ridiculous man.
397
00:25:46,920 --> 00:25:50,240
Redeemed only by the warmth
and constancy of your friendship.
398
00:25:50,240 --> 00:25:52,320
But, as I am apparently
your best friend,
399
00:25:52,320 --> 00:25:55,400
I cannot congratulate you
on your choice of companion.
400
00:25:57,960 --> 00:25:59,480
Actually, now I can.
401
00:26:01,240 --> 00:26:04,760
Mary, when I say
you deserve this man,
402
00:26:04,760 --> 00:26:08,400
it is the highest compliment
of which I am capable.
403
00:26:08,400 --> 00:26:15,080
John, you have endured war
and injury and tragic loss -
404
00:26:15,080 --> 00:26:19,960
so sorry again about that last one -
so know this, today you sit between
405
00:26:19,960 --> 00:26:24,200
the woman you have made your wife
and the man you have saved.
406
00:26:24,200 --> 00:26:28,320
In short, the two people who love
you most in all this world.
407
00:26:28,320 --> 00:26:30,760
And I know I speak for Mary as well
when I say,
408
00:26:30,760 --> 00:26:34,520
we will never let you down and we
have a lifetime ahead to prove that.
409
00:26:38,680 --> 00:26:41,280
(If I try and hug him, stop me.)
Certainly not.
410
00:26:42,720 --> 00:26:46,520
Ah, yes. Now onto
some funny stories about John.
411
00:26:49,040 --> 00:26:52,280
What's wrong? What happened?
Why are you all doing that? John?
412
00:26:52,280 --> 00:26:54,080
Oh, Sherlock!
413
00:26:54,080 --> 00:26:57,480
Did I do it wrong?
No, you didn't. Come here.
414
00:26:57,480 --> 00:26:57,980
APPLAUSE
415
00:26:59,160 --> 00:27:01,680
I haven't finished yet.
Yeah, I know, I know.
416
00:27:01,680 --> 00:27:05,080
So onto some funny stories now...
Can you wait till I sit down?
417
00:27:13,720 --> 00:27:17,480
So, onto some funny stories
about John.
418
00:27:17,480 --> 00:27:21,680
If you could all just cheer up
a bit, that would be better.
419
00:27:21,680 --> 00:27:22,840
On we go.
420
00:27:22,840 --> 00:27:28,440
So for funny stories, one has to
look no further than John's blog.
421
00:27:28,440 --> 00:27:30,320
The record of our time together.
422
00:27:30,320 --> 00:27:32,680
Of course, he does
tend to romanticise things a bit,
423
00:27:32,680 --> 00:27:34,840
but then, you know, he's a romantic.
424
00:27:34,840 --> 00:27:38,160
We've tackled some strange cases.
425
00:27:38,160 --> 00:27:40,240
The Hollow Client...
426
00:27:46,400 --> 00:27:48,080
The Poison Giant...
427
00:27:52,280 --> 00:27:53,800
Get down, John!
428
00:27:59,520 --> 00:28:01,600
We've had some frustrating cases...
429
00:28:06,920 --> 00:28:09,120
What is that?
430
00:28:09,120 --> 00:28:11,680
A French decathlete found
completely out of his mind,
431
00:28:11,680 --> 00:28:14,720
surrounded by 1,812 matchboxes,
432
00:28:14,720 --> 00:28:16,240
all empty except this one.
433
00:28:16,240 --> 00:28:17,960
And what's in that one?
434
00:28:20,000 --> 00:28:22,080
Inexplicable.
435
00:28:25,160 --> 00:28:27,080
Touching cases...
436
00:28:28,480 --> 00:28:30,360
She's going to ring the doorbell.
437
00:28:32,120 --> 00:28:34,840
Oh, no. She's changed her mind.
438
00:28:34,840 --> 00:28:38,680
Oh, she's going to do it.
No, she's leaving.
439
00:28:38,680 --> 00:28:40,800
She's leaving.
Oh, she's coming back.
440
00:28:40,800 --> 00:28:45,040
She's a client, she's boring. I've
seen those symptoms before. Hmm?
441
00:28:45,040 --> 00:28:48,640
Oscillation on the pavement
always means there's a love affair.
442
00:28:48,640 --> 00:28:51,840
And of course I have to mention
the elephant in the room...
443
00:28:53,200 --> 00:28:53,881
ELEPHANT TRUMPETS
444
00:28:55,760 --> 00:28:58,040
But we want something
445
00:28:58,040 --> 00:29:00,880
very particular for this
special day, don't we?
446
00:29:03,040 --> 00:29:04,560
The Bloody Guardsman...
447
00:29:07,680 --> 00:29:11,240
Need to work on your half of the
church, Mary, looking a bit thin.
448
00:29:11,240 --> 00:29:14,760
Oh, orphan's lot. Friends,
that's all I have, lots of friends.
449
00:29:14,760 --> 00:29:17,440
Schedule the organ music to
begin at precisely 11:48...
450
00:29:17,440 --> 00:29:19,920
But the rehearsal's not for
another two weeks, just calm down.
451
00:29:19,920 --> 00:29:21,760
Calm? I am calm. I'm extremely calm.
452
00:29:21,760 --> 00:29:24,040
Let's get back to the reception,
come on.
453
00:29:24,040 --> 00:29:25,840
John's cousin, top table?
454
00:29:25,840 --> 00:29:28,560
Hmm, hates you.
Can't even bear to think about you.
455
00:29:28,560 --> 00:29:31,560
Seriously? Second class post,
cheap card.
456
00:29:31,560 --> 00:29:34,720
Bought at a petrol station. Look at
the stamp, three attempts at licking,
457
00:29:34,720 --> 00:29:36,960
she's obviously unconsciously
retaining saliva.
458
00:29:36,960 --> 00:29:40,360
Ah, let's stick her by the bogs.
Oh, yes.
459
00:29:41,240 --> 00:29:42,960
Who else hates me?
460
00:29:45,600 --> 00:29:47,160
Oh, great, thanks.
461
00:29:47,160 --> 00:29:50,240
"Priceless painting nicked."
Looks interesting.
462
00:29:50,240 --> 00:29:51,600
Table four... Done.
463
00:29:51,600 --> 00:29:53,120
"My husband is three people."
464
00:29:53,120 --> 00:29:55,720
Table five...
Major James Sholto - who he?
465
00:29:55,720 --> 00:29:59,120
John's old commanding officer. I don't
think he's coming. He'll be there.
466
00:29:59,120 --> 00:30:01,400
Well, he needs to RSVP, then.
He'll be there. Oh.
467
00:30:01,400 --> 00:30:04,800
"My husband is three people."
It's interesting.
468
00:30:04,800 --> 00:30:07,880
It says he has three distinct
patterns of moles on his skin.
469
00:30:07,880 --> 00:30:11,520
Identical triplets, one in half a million births.
Solved it without leaving the flat.
470
00:30:11,520 --> 00:30:14,040
Now, serviettes...
Swan or Sydney Opera House?
471
00:30:14,040 --> 00:30:16,680
Where did you learn that? Many
skills are required in the field
472
00:30:16,680 --> 00:30:20,480
of criminal investigation... Fibbing, Sherlock.
I once broke an alibi by demonstrating
473
00:30:20,480 --> 00:30:24,560
the exact severity of a fold... I'm not John, I can
tell when you're fibbing. OK, I learnt it on YouTube.
474
00:30:24,560 --> 00:30:27,160
Opera House, please.
Oh, hang on, I'm buzzing.
475
00:30:27,160 --> 00:30:28,800
Hello?
476
00:30:29,800 --> 00:30:33,280
Oh, hi, Beth.
477
00:30:33,280 --> 00:30:35,280
Yeah, yeah, I don't see why not.
478
00:30:35,280 --> 00:30:38,960
Actually, if that's Beth,
it's probably for me too, hang on.
479
00:30:43,280 --> 00:30:47,080
He knows we don't have a friend called Beth,
he's going to figure out that it's code.
480
00:30:47,080 --> 00:30:50,520
He's YouTubing serviettes. He's thorough.
He's terrified. Of course he's not.
481
00:30:50,520 --> 00:30:54,160
When you're scared of something you start
wishing it sooner, just to get it all going.
482
00:30:54,160 --> 00:30:56,640
But why would he be scared
that we're getting married?
483
00:30:56,640 --> 00:30:59,240
It's not going to change anything,
we'll still do stuff.
484
00:30:59,240 --> 00:31:01,560
You need to prove it to him.
I told you to find him a new case.
485
00:31:01,560 --> 00:31:05,560
I'm trying. But you need to run him, OK?
Show him it's still the good old days.
486
00:31:14,840 --> 00:31:17,440
That just sort of happened.
487
00:31:19,720 --> 00:31:23,320
Sherlock, um, mate...
488
00:31:25,000 --> 00:31:27,080
I have...
489
00:31:27,080 --> 00:31:30,560
I've smelled 18 different perfumes,
490
00:31:30,560 --> 00:31:36,440
I've sampled nine different slices
of cake, which all tasted identical.
491
00:31:36,440 --> 00:31:40,440
I like the bridesmaids in purple...
Lilac. Lilac.
492
00:31:40,440 --> 00:31:42,720
Um, there are no more decisions
left to make.
493
00:31:42,720 --> 00:31:45,840
I don't even understand the decisions
that we have made.
494
00:31:45,840 --> 00:31:47,920
I'm faking opinions,
and it's exhausting.
495
00:31:47,920 --> 00:31:53,640
So, please, before she comes back...
pick something.
496
00:31:54,920 --> 00:31:58,360
Anything. Pick one. Pick what?
497
00:31:58,360 --> 00:32:01,000
A case. Your inbox is bursting.
498
00:32:01,000 --> 00:32:03,720
Just... get me out of here.
499
00:32:03,720 --> 00:32:05,920
You want to go out on a case? Now?
500
00:32:05,920 --> 00:32:08,840
Please. Sherlock, for me.
501
00:32:10,920 --> 00:32:14,360
Don't you worry about a thing,
I'll get you out of this.
502
00:32:14,360 --> 00:32:16,240
Oh.
503
00:32:16,240 --> 00:32:19,080
"Dear Mr Holmes,
my name is Bainbridge."
504
00:32:19,080 --> 00:32:21,720
"I'm a Private in Her Majesty's
Household Guard."
505
00:32:21,720 --> 00:32:24,080
"I'm writing to you
about a personal matter..."
506
00:32:24,080 --> 00:32:26,440
"One I don't care to
bring before my superiors,"
507
00:32:26,440 --> 00:32:27,800
"it would sound so trivial."
508
00:32:28,920 --> 00:32:30,760
"But I think someone's stalking me."
509
00:32:30,760 --> 00:32:33,440
"I'm used to tourists, it's part
of the job,"
510
00:32:33,440 --> 00:32:35,320
"but this is different."
511
00:32:35,320 --> 00:32:36,720
"Someone's watching me."
512
00:32:39,840 --> 00:32:41,880
"He's taking pictures of me
every day."
513
00:32:43,240 --> 00:32:46,640
"I don't want to mention it to the Major,
but it's really preying on my mind."
514
00:32:50,960 --> 00:32:53,920
Uniform fetishist?
All the nice girls like a soldier.
515
00:32:53,920 --> 00:32:57,920
It's "sailor". And Bainbridge
thinks his stalker is a bloke.
516
00:32:57,920 --> 00:33:00,360
Let's go and investigate. Please.
517
00:33:00,360 --> 00:33:02,560
Elite guard. 40 enlisted
men and officers.
518
00:33:02,560 --> 00:33:04,840
Why this particular Grenadier?
Curious.
519
00:33:04,840 --> 00:33:08,560
Now you're talking. OK.
Bye!
520
00:33:08,560 --> 00:33:11,800
Er, we're just going to...
I need, um, Sherlock to help me
521
00:33:11,800 --> 00:33:14,320
choose some er... Ties.
Socks.
522
00:33:14,320 --> 00:33:15,720
Why don't we go with socks? Yeah.
523
00:33:15,720 --> 00:33:17,600
I mean, you've got to get
the right ones.
524
00:33:17,600 --> 00:33:21,040
Exactly, to go with my...
Tie. Outfit.
525
00:33:21,040 --> 00:33:24,080
That'll take a while, right?
Is my coat in there? Yes.
526
00:33:26,280 --> 00:33:28,840
I'm just going to take him
out for a bit. Run him.
527
00:33:28,840 --> 00:33:31,200
I know. You said
you'd find him a case. Hmm.
528
00:33:31,200 --> 00:33:33,000
Coming, Sherlock? Coming!
529
00:33:41,080 --> 00:33:43,120
Taxi!
530
00:33:57,200 --> 00:33:59,520
Company halt!
531
00:34:04,120 --> 00:34:05,720
Right turn!
532
00:34:07,120 --> 00:34:09,520
We're here to see
Private Stephen Bainbridge.
533
00:34:09,520 --> 00:34:11,000
He's on duty right now, sir.
534
00:34:11,000 --> 00:34:13,040
But I'll certainly
let him know when he's free.
535
00:34:13,040 --> 00:34:14,360
And when will that be?
536
00:34:14,360 --> 00:34:16,280
Another hour.
537
00:34:29,840 --> 00:34:32,000
Do you think they give them classes?
538
00:34:32,000 --> 00:34:33,440
Classes?
539
00:34:33,440 --> 00:34:36,720
How to resist the temptation
to scratch their behinds.
540
00:34:36,720 --> 00:34:40,840
Afferent neurons in
the peripheral nervous system.
541
00:34:40,840 --> 00:34:42,280
Bum-itch.
542
00:34:42,280 --> 00:34:43,240
Oh.
543
00:34:47,960 --> 00:34:50,280
So why don't you see him any more?
544
00:34:50,280 --> 00:34:53,320
Who? Your previous commander, Sholto.
545
00:34:53,320 --> 00:34:55,280
Previous commander?
546
00:34:55,280 --> 00:34:56,680
I meant ex.
547
00:34:56,680 --> 00:34:59,080
"Previous" suggests that
I currently have a commander.
548
00:34:59,080 --> 00:35:02,480
Which you don't. Which I don't.
Of course you don't.
549
00:35:02,480 --> 00:35:04,600
He was decorated, wasn't he?
A war hero?
550
00:35:04,600 --> 00:35:06,000
Not to everyone.
551
00:35:07,160 --> 00:35:08,920
He led a team of crows into battle.
552
00:35:08,920 --> 00:35:10,120
Crows?
553
00:35:10,120 --> 00:35:13,240
New recruits. It's standard
procedure - break the new boys in.
554
00:35:13,240 --> 00:35:14,400
But it went wrong.
555
00:35:15,640 --> 00:35:18,480
They all died,
he was the only survivor.
556
00:35:18,480 --> 00:35:22,840
The press and families gave him hell, he gets more
death threats than you. Oh, I wouldn't count on that.
557
00:35:22,840 --> 00:35:26,680
And why have you suddenly taken
an interest in another human being?
558
00:35:26,680 --> 00:35:28,240
I'm "chatting".
559
00:35:32,280 --> 00:35:34,440
I won't be trying THAT again.
560
00:35:34,440 --> 00:35:38,560
Changing the subject completely...
561
00:35:38,560 --> 00:35:43,160
you know it won't alter anything,
right, me and Mary getting married?
562
00:35:43,160 --> 00:35:45,080
We'll still be doing all this.
563
00:35:45,080 --> 00:35:47,280
Oh, good. If you were worried.
564
00:35:47,280 --> 00:35:48,600
I wasn't worried.
565
00:35:50,600 --> 00:35:51,600
Hmm.
566
00:35:53,400 --> 00:35:55,640
The thing about Mary,
567
00:35:55,640 --> 00:35:58,000
she has completely
turned my life around.
568
00:35:59,960 --> 00:36:01,440
Changed everything.
569
00:36:02,960 --> 00:36:04,280
But, for the record,
570
00:36:04,280 --> 00:36:07,520
over the last few years there are
two people who have done that,
571
00:36:07,520 --> 00:36:11,440
and the other one is...
572
00:36:11,440 --> 00:36:13,080
a complete dickhead.
573
00:37:45,200 --> 00:37:47,160
Can I ask what this
is in connection with?
574
00:37:47,160 --> 00:37:51,360
Private Bainbridge contacted us
about a personal matter, sir.
575
00:37:51,360 --> 00:37:54,240
Nothing's personal
when it concerns my troops.
576
00:37:54,240 --> 00:37:56,280
What do you really want?
577
00:37:56,280 --> 00:37:59,120
I'm here on a legitimate enquiry.
578
00:37:59,120 --> 00:38:03,000
Are you press? Digging for some
bloody Royal story or something?
579
00:38:03,000 --> 00:38:04,960
No, sir, I'm Captain John Watson,
580
00:38:04,960 --> 00:38:07,280
Fifth Northumberland Fusiliers.
581
00:38:07,280 --> 00:38:08,840
Retired.
582
00:38:08,840 --> 00:38:11,920
You could be a used-car
salesman now, for all I know.
583
00:38:14,160 --> 00:38:16,160
Bainbridge?
584
00:38:16,160 --> 00:38:17,920
Gentleman here to see you.
585
00:38:19,440 --> 00:38:20,960
Bainbridge!
586
00:38:29,400 --> 00:38:31,200
I know you, don't I?
587
00:38:31,200 --> 00:38:32,440
Hmm?
588
00:38:35,080 --> 00:38:37,560
I've seen you in the papers.
589
00:38:37,560 --> 00:38:40,240
You hang around with that detective,
590
00:38:40,240 --> 00:38:41,920
the one with the silly hat.
591
00:38:43,640 --> 00:38:46,120
What the hell does Bainbridge
want with a detective?
592
00:38:46,120 --> 00:38:47,920
I'm afraid I'm not at liberty to say.
593
00:38:47,920 --> 00:38:51,120
You're not at liberty to say?
He's a soldier in my regiment.
594
00:38:51,120 --> 00:38:54,800
I'll be damned if he's going to get up to
cloak-and-dagger nonsense like this. Sir!
595
00:38:54,800 --> 00:38:57,440
Sir! What's going on?
It's Bainbridge, sir.
596
00:38:57,440 --> 00:38:58,480
He's dead.
597
00:39:07,760 --> 00:39:11,280
My God!
598
00:39:11,280 --> 00:39:14,240
Ah! No, let me take a look,
sir, I'm a doctor.
599
00:39:14,240 --> 00:39:15,440
What?
600
00:39:15,440 --> 00:39:16,680
Sergeant, arrest this man!
601
00:39:16,680 --> 00:39:18,120
What? No, no! I'm a doctor!
602
00:39:18,120 --> 00:39:20,160
Oh, you're a doctor
now too? Sergeant.
603
00:39:20,160 --> 00:39:21,400
Let me examine him, please!
604
00:39:21,400 --> 00:39:23,360
Sir, caught this one
snooping around.
605
00:39:23,360 --> 00:39:24,840
Is that what this is all about?
606
00:39:24,840 --> 00:39:27,040
Distracting me, so that
this man could get in here
607
00:39:27,040 --> 00:39:28,480
and kill Bainbridge? Don't be...
608
00:39:28,480 --> 00:39:30,600
Kill him with what?
Where's the weapon? What?
609
00:39:30,600 --> 00:39:32,960
Where's the weapon?
Go on, search me - no weapon.
610
00:39:32,960 --> 00:39:35,680
Bainbridge was on parade,
he came off duty five minutes ago.
611
00:39:35,680 --> 00:39:37,520
When's this supposed
to have happened?
612
00:39:37,520 --> 00:39:40,800
You obviously stabbed him before
he got into the shower. No. No?!
613
00:39:40,800 --> 00:39:45,000
He's soaking wet and there's shampoo in his hair.
He got into the shower, then someone stabbed him.
614
00:39:45,000 --> 00:39:47,760
The cubicle was locked from the
inside, sir. I had to break it open.
615
00:39:47,760 --> 00:39:51,360
You must have climbed over the top. But
then I'd be soaking wet too, wouldn't I?
616
00:39:51,360 --> 00:39:54,320
Major, please! I'm John Watson,
Fifth Northumberland Fusiliers,
617
00:39:54,320 --> 00:39:56,960
three years in Afghanistan,
a veteran of Kandahar, Helmand
618
00:39:56,960 --> 00:39:58,560
and Bart's bloody Hospital!
619
00:39:58,560 --> 00:40:00,400
Let me examine this body!
620
00:40:07,360 --> 00:40:08,960
Thank you.
621
00:40:08,960 --> 00:40:10,800
Suicide?
622
00:40:10,800 --> 00:40:12,560
No. The weapon again, no knife.
623
00:40:15,200 --> 00:40:19,480
Now, there is a wound
to the abdomen.
624
00:40:20,960 --> 00:40:22,120
Incredibly fine.
625
00:40:22,120 --> 00:40:24,600
Man stabbed to death,
no murder weapon.
626
00:40:24,600 --> 00:40:26,320
Door locked from the inside.
627
00:40:27,280 --> 00:40:29,160
Only one way in or out
of here. Sherlock...
628
00:40:29,160 --> 00:40:31,120
Hmm? He's still breathing.
629
00:40:31,120 --> 00:40:32,920
Oh, my God!
630
00:40:32,920 --> 00:40:35,040
What do we do?
Give me your scarf. What?
631
00:40:35,040 --> 00:40:37,360
Quickly, now! Call an ambulance!
632
00:40:37,360 --> 00:40:39,360
What? Call an ambulance, now!
633
00:40:39,360 --> 00:40:40,760
Do it!
634
00:40:40,760 --> 00:40:43,280
Nurse, press here, hard.
635
00:40:43,280 --> 00:40:44,680
Nurse? Yeah, I'm making do.
636
00:40:44,680 --> 00:40:46,480
Keep pressure on that wound.
637
00:40:46,480 --> 00:40:48,680
Stephen? Stephen, stay with me.
638
00:40:50,760 --> 00:40:52,840
Private Bainbridge had
just come off guard duty.
639
00:40:52,840 --> 00:40:55,240
He'd stood there for hours,
plenty of people watching,
640
00:40:55,240 --> 00:40:56,480
nothing apparently wrong.
641
00:40:56,480 --> 00:40:58,880
He came off duty and
within minutes was nearly dead
642
00:40:58,880 --> 00:41:01,040
from a wound in his stomach,
643
00:41:01,040 --> 00:41:02,400
but there was no weapon.
644
00:41:02,400 --> 00:41:04,160
Where did it go?
645
00:41:04,160 --> 00:41:06,520
Ladies and gentlemen,
I invite you to consider this -
646
00:41:06,520 --> 00:41:08,840
a murderer who can
walk through walls,
647
00:41:08,840 --> 00:41:11,080
a weapon that can vanish.
But in all of this,
648
00:41:11,080 --> 00:41:14,360
there is only one element which can
be said to be truly remarkable.
649
00:41:16,560 --> 00:41:18,200
Would anyone like to make a guess?
650
00:41:21,880 --> 00:41:23,040
Come on, come on,
651
00:41:23,040 --> 00:41:25,880
there is actually an element
of Q&A to all of this.
652
00:41:28,920 --> 00:41:31,560
Scotland Yard,
have you got a theory?
653
00:41:31,560 --> 00:41:35,720
Yeah, you, you're a detective,
broadly speaking. Got a theory?
654
00:41:35,720 --> 00:41:37,480
Er, um, if the, er...
655
00:41:37,480 --> 00:41:38,560
If the... If the...
656
00:41:38,560 --> 00:41:41,160
If the blade was
propelled through the, erm...
657
00:41:43,160 --> 00:41:45,600
...grating in the air vent,
658
00:41:45,600 --> 00:41:49,080
maybe a ballista
or a catapult, um...
659
00:41:49,080 --> 00:41:51,720
Somebody tiny could crawl in there.
660
00:41:51,720 --> 00:41:54,360
So, yeah, we're looking
for a dwarf.
661
00:41:54,360 --> 00:41:55,680
Brilliant.
662
00:41:55,680 --> 00:41:56,960
Really? No.
663
00:41:56,960 --> 00:41:58,120
Next?
664
00:41:58,120 --> 00:41:59,560
(He stabbed himself.)
665
00:41:59,560 --> 00:42:00,960
Hello, who was that?
666
00:42:00,960 --> 00:42:02,600
Tom?
667
00:42:05,560 --> 00:42:06,560
Got a theory?
668
00:42:09,120 --> 00:42:14,200
Attempted suicide, with a blade
made of compacted blood and bone.
669
00:42:14,200 --> 00:42:16,520
Broke after piercing his abdomen,
670
00:42:16,520 --> 00:42:18,960
like a meat...
671
00:42:18,960 --> 00:42:20,360
dagger.
672
00:42:20,360 --> 00:42:22,000
A meat dagger?
673
00:42:22,000 --> 00:42:23,960
Yes. (Sit down.)
674
00:42:25,200 --> 00:42:26,200
No.
675
00:42:27,280 --> 00:42:30,640
There was one feature,
and only one feature, of interest
676
00:42:30,640 --> 00:42:32,560
in the whole of this baffling case,
677
00:42:32,560 --> 00:42:36,120
and quite frankly it was
the usual - John Watson.
678
00:42:36,120 --> 00:42:39,640
Who, while I was trying to solve
a murder, instead saved a life.
679
00:42:41,280 --> 00:42:43,360
There are mysteries worth solving
680
00:42:43,360 --> 00:42:45,000
and stories worth telling.
681
00:42:46,920 --> 00:42:48,320
The best and bravest man I know
682
00:42:48,320 --> 00:42:50,600
and, on top of that,
he actually knows how to do stuff.
683
00:42:50,600 --> 00:42:53,400
Except wedding planning and
serviettes, he's rubbish at those.
684
00:42:53,400 --> 00:42:54,880
Hmm. The case itself remains
685
00:42:54,880 --> 00:42:58,360
the most ingenious and brilliantly
planned murder, or attempted murder,
686
00:42:58,360 --> 00:43:00,760
I've ever had
the pleasure to encounter.
687
00:43:00,760 --> 00:43:04,760
The most perfect locked-room
mystery of which I am aware.
688
00:43:04,760 --> 00:43:06,680
However, I'm not just here
to praise John,
689
00:43:06,680 --> 00:43:08,800
I'm also here to embarrass him,
so let's move on to...
690
00:43:08,800 --> 00:43:10,120
No, wait... How was it done?
691
00:43:10,120 --> 00:43:11,920
How was what done? The stabbing?
692
00:43:14,200 --> 00:43:15,800
I'm afraid I don't know.
693
00:43:15,800 --> 00:43:18,000
I didn't solve that one.
694
00:43:18,000 --> 00:43:21,800
It can happen sometimes,
it's very, very disappointing.
695
00:43:21,800 --> 00:43:24,320
Embarrassment leads me on
to the stag night.
696
00:43:24,320 --> 00:43:26,400
Of course there's
hours of material here,
697
00:43:26,400 --> 00:43:28,840
but I've cut it down
to the really good bits.
698
00:43:30,440 --> 00:43:32,320
Murder scenes?
699
00:43:32,320 --> 00:43:35,080
Locations of murders?
700
00:43:35,080 --> 00:43:36,520
Hmm, pub crawl, themed.
701
00:43:36,520 --> 00:43:39,040
Yeah, but why can't you just
do Underground stations?
702
00:43:39,040 --> 00:43:42,000
It lacks the personal touch. We're
going to go for a drink in every...
703
00:43:42,000 --> 00:43:44,400
In every street where you've
found a corpse. Delightful!
704
00:43:44,400 --> 00:43:45,680
Where do I come in?
705
00:43:45,680 --> 00:43:48,400
Don't want to get ill.
That would ruin it, spoil the mood.
706
00:43:48,400 --> 00:43:50,880
You're a graduate chemist,
can't you just work it out?
707
00:43:50,880 --> 00:43:52,760
I lack the practical experience.
708
00:43:54,400 --> 00:43:56,000
Meaning you think I like a drink?
709
00:43:56,000 --> 00:43:58,240
Occasionally.
That I'm a drunk. No... No.
710
00:44:02,360 --> 00:44:04,840
You look... well.
711
00:44:04,840 --> 00:44:06,520
I am.
712
00:44:06,520 --> 00:44:08,000
How's...
713
00:44:10,640 --> 00:44:12,400
Tom?
714
00:44:12,400 --> 00:44:13,520
Not a sociopath.
715
00:44:13,520 --> 00:44:14,600
Still? Good.
716
00:44:14,600 --> 00:44:16,760
And we're having quite a lot of sex.
717
00:44:19,400 --> 00:44:22,960
OK. I want you to calculate
John's ideal intake, and mine,
718
00:44:22,960 --> 00:44:25,120
to remain in the sweet spot
for the whole evening.
719
00:44:25,120 --> 00:44:26,280
Light-headed - good.
720
00:44:26,280 --> 00:44:28,760
Urinating in wardrobes - bad.
721
00:44:28,760 --> 00:44:30,040
Hmm.
722
00:44:30,040 --> 00:44:32,560
Two, erm... beers, please.
723
00:44:32,560 --> 00:44:33,640
Pints?
724
00:44:33,640 --> 00:44:36,440
443.7 millilitres.
725
00:44:39,320 --> 00:44:40,440
Ah.
726
00:44:43,160 --> 00:44:43,660
JOHN SIGHS
727
00:44:44,760 --> 00:44:46,640
HE CLEARS HIS THROAT
What, are we on a schedule?
728
00:44:47,800 --> 00:44:49,320
You'll thank me.
729
00:45:05,600 --> 00:45:07,200
Cheers. Cheers.
730
00:45:13,440 --> 00:45:14,640
Over there. What?
731
00:45:14,640 --> 00:45:16,920
Toilets - any second now
you're going to need...
732
00:45:16,920 --> 00:45:19,480
Hang on, tell me after.
I need the loo. Hmm, on schedule.
733
00:45:19,480 --> 00:45:21,960
Eh? Nothing. Go!
734
00:45:27,240 --> 00:45:28,920
How long? Sorry?
735
00:45:28,920 --> 00:45:30,400
Your visit.
736
00:45:30,400 --> 00:45:33,760
Estimate approximate
volume discharge...
737
00:45:33,760 --> 00:45:35,160
Stop talking now.
738
00:45:39,400 --> 00:45:43,000
Oh, quick, one more. He mustn't see.
739
00:45:52,400 --> 00:45:54,200
Here you go. Cheers.
740
00:45:57,520 --> 00:46:02,480
I know ash! Don't tell me I don't!
741
00:46:05,280 --> 00:46:09,240
All right, enough!
That's... Stand up.
742
00:46:11,120 --> 00:46:14,440
Ash. I know ash.
743
00:46:20,720 --> 00:46:22,880
I have an international reputation.
744
00:46:24,920 --> 00:46:27,560
Do you have
an international reputation?
745
00:46:27,560 --> 00:46:30,760
No, I don't have
an international reputation. No.
746
00:46:33,640 --> 00:46:35,480
And I can't even remember what for.
747
00:46:38,720 --> 00:46:43,480
It's crime... something or other.
748
00:46:45,640 --> 00:46:47,880
Oh, what are you doing back?
749
00:46:47,880 --> 00:46:49,680
I thought you were
going to be up late.
750
00:46:49,680 --> 00:46:51,760
Ah, Hudders. What time is it?
751
00:46:53,160 --> 00:46:54,760
You've only been out two hours.
752
00:47:06,240 --> 00:47:07,760
Am I a vegetable?
753
00:47:07,760 --> 00:47:10,400
You or the... thing...? Pffrrrt!
754
00:47:11,920 --> 00:47:13,040
Funny!
755
00:47:13,040 --> 00:47:14,280
Thank you.
756
00:47:14,280 --> 00:47:17,480
Come on. No, you're not
a vegetable. It's your go.
757
00:47:19,160 --> 00:47:20,560
Erm...
758
00:47:20,560 --> 00:47:22,640
am I human?
759
00:47:22,640 --> 00:47:23,880
Sometimes.
760
00:47:23,880 --> 00:47:25,240
Can't have sometimes.
761
00:47:25,240 --> 00:47:26,440
It has to be, um...
762
00:47:26,440 --> 00:47:30,040
Yes, you're human.
Yes, I know, OK. And am I a man?
763
00:47:30,040 --> 00:47:31,520
Yep. Tall?
764
00:47:33,160 --> 00:47:34,760
Not as tall as people think.
765
00:47:34,760 --> 00:47:36,440
Hmm. Nice?
766
00:47:36,440 --> 00:47:37,920
Ish.
767
00:47:37,920 --> 00:47:39,000
Clever?
768
00:47:39,000 --> 00:47:40,040
I would say so.
769
00:47:40,040 --> 00:47:41,320
You would.
770
00:47:41,320 --> 00:47:43,160
Hmm, am I important?
771
00:47:43,160 --> 00:47:44,720
To some people.
772
00:47:44,720 --> 00:47:47,400
Do people like me?
773
00:47:47,400 --> 00:47:49,200
Erm, no they don't.
774
00:47:49,200 --> 00:47:52,240
You tend to rub them up
the wrong way.
775
00:47:52,240 --> 00:47:53,840
OK.
776
00:47:53,840 --> 00:47:55,920
Am I the current King of England?
777
00:47:55,920 --> 00:47:56,420
JOHN LAUGHS
778
00:47:58,200 --> 00:47:59,960
You know we don't have a King.
779
00:47:59,960 --> 00:48:02,120
Don't we? No.
780
00:48:02,120 --> 00:48:04,080
Your go.
781
00:48:10,760 --> 00:48:13,360
I don't mind. Am I a woman?
782
00:48:13,360 --> 00:48:14,000
SHERLOCK GUFFAWS
783
00:48:15,400 --> 00:48:17,440
What?
784
00:48:18,440 --> 00:48:19,680
Yes.
785
00:48:19,680 --> 00:48:22,400
Am I... pretty?
786
00:48:23,760 --> 00:48:25,000
This?
787
00:48:26,760 --> 00:48:29,880
Beauty is a construct based
entirely on childhood impressions,
788
00:48:29,880 --> 00:48:31,640
influences and role models.
789
00:48:31,640 --> 00:48:34,120
Yeah, but am I a pretty lady?
790
00:48:36,640 --> 00:48:40,200
I don't know who you are, I don't
know who you're supposed to be.
791
00:48:40,200 --> 00:48:41,400
You picked the name!
792
00:48:41,400 --> 00:48:43,440
But I picked it at random
from the papers.
793
00:48:43,440 --> 00:48:46,840
You're not really getting the hang
of this game, are you, Sherlock?
794
00:48:46,840 --> 00:48:51,280
So I am human, I'm not as tall
as people think I am. I'm...
795
00:48:51,280 --> 00:48:53,400
I'm nice-ish, clever,
796
00:48:53,400 --> 00:48:55,000
important to some people.
797
00:48:55,000 --> 00:48:57,840
But I tend to rub them up
the wrong way.
798
00:48:59,400 --> 00:49:00,840
Got it.
799
00:49:00,840 --> 00:49:02,560
Go on, then. I'm you, aren't I?
800
00:49:02,560 --> 00:49:03,361
KNOCK AT DOOR
Client!
801
00:49:05,520 --> 00:49:06,840
Hello.
802
00:49:06,840 --> 00:49:09,040
Hello. Come on.
803
00:49:09,040 --> 00:49:11,040
Which one of you is Sherlock Holmes?
804
00:49:16,520 --> 00:49:18,200
I don't... a lot.
805
00:49:18,200 --> 00:49:21,200
I mean, I don't date all that much.
806
00:49:21,200 --> 00:49:26,160
And he seemed nice, you know?
807
00:49:26,160 --> 00:49:29,040
We seemed to automatically connect.
808
00:49:29,040 --> 00:49:30,480
We had one night,
809
00:49:30,480 --> 00:49:34,200
dinner, such interesting
conversation.
810
00:49:34,200 --> 00:49:36,440
It was lovely.
811
00:49:36,440 --> 00:49:37,960
To be honest,
812
00:49:37,960 --> 00:49:40,720
I'd love to have gone further,
813
00:49:40,720 --> 00:49:44,920
but I thought, no, this is special,
814
00:49:44,920 --> 00:49:46,680
let's take it slowly.
815
00:49:46,680 --> 00:49:48,240
Exchanged numbers,
816
00:49:48,240 --> 00:49:50,760
he said he'd get in touch
and then...
817
00:49:54,040 --> 00:49:59,680
Maybe he wasn't quite
as keen as I was,
818
00:49:59,680 --> 00:50:03,200
but I just thought
819
00:50:03,200 --> 00:50:06,480
at least he'd call
to say that we were finished.
820
00:50:13,440 --> 00:50:15,560
I went round there,
821
00:50:15,560 --> 00:50:18,880
to his flat, no trace of him.
822
00:50:18,880 --> 00:50:23,320
Mr Holmes, I honestly think
823
00:50:23,320 --> 00:50:27,440
I had dinner with a ghost.
824
00:50:31,520 --> 00:50:33,120
Mr Holmes?
825
00:50:38,320 --> 00:50:40,240
With a ghost, Mr Holmes!
826
00:50:40,240 --> 00:50:43,160
Boring, boring, boring.
No...
827
00:50:43,160 --> 00:50:44,720
fascinating.
828
00:50:45,960 --> 00:50:47,640
John. John! Wake up.
829
00:50:47,640 --> 00:50:51,240
I apologise about my...
You know... Him.
830
00:50:51,240 --> 00:50:52,600
Rude. Rude!
831
00:50:54,280 --> 00:50:56,400
I checked with the landlord
832
00:50:56,400 --> 00:50:59,600
and the man who lived there died.
833
00:50:59,600 --> 00:51:01,480
Heart attack.
834
00:51:01,480 --> 00:51:05,440
And there we are
having dinner one week on.
835
00:51:05,440 --> 00:51:08,880
And I found this thing online,
836
00:51:08,880 --> 00:51:11,360
a sort of chatroom thing,
837
00:51:11,360 --> 00:51:15,600
for girls who think they're dating
men from the spirit world.
838
00:51:15,600 --> 00:51:19,040
Don't worry, I'll find him
in ten minutes.
839
00:51:19,040 --> 00:51:20,320
What's your dog's name?
840
00:51:20,320 --> 00:51:22,960
Yeah, I'm there if you want it...
John, wake up.
841
00:51:22,960 --> 00:51:25,480
Went to... Yeah.
842
00:51:25,480 --> 00:51:27,160
The game is... something.
843
00:51:28,160 --> 00:51:29,240
On?
844
00:51:29,240 --> 00:51:30,880
Yeah, that, that.
845
00:51:30,880 --> 00:51:32,040
OK.
846
00:51:41,400 --> 00:51:43,520
Oh, it's nice.
847
00:51:43,520 --> 00:51:45,240
Nice place.
848
00:51:50,320 --> 00:51:52,440
See anything? Hmm?
849
00:51:52,440 --> 00:51:54,160
Any clues, Mr Holmes?
850
00:51:54,160 --> 00:51:56,200
Oh, errrm...
851
00:52:17,320 --> 00:52:19,160
I'm just going to whip this out.
852
00:52:36,120 --> 00:52:38,880
You all right?
Hmm? Yeah, he's clueing. What?
853
00:52:38,880 --> 00:52:40,800
He's... Hmm? He's clueing for looks.
854
00:52:52,040 --> 00:52:53,880
Mr Holmes?
855
00:52:53,880 --> 00:52:54,380
HE SNORES
856
00:52:58,920 --> 00:53:01,520
Mr Holmes! I'm calling
the police. Oh, no...
857
00:53:01,520 --> 00:53:03,240
Whoa, whoa, whoa!
858
00:53:03,240 --> 00:53:05,480
No, look, this is
a famous detective,
859
00:53:05,480 --> 00:53:08,280
it's Sherlock Holmes and
his partner, John Hamish Watson.
860
00:53:08,280 --> 00:53:09,680
What do you think you're doing?
861
00:53:09,680 --> 00:53:12,040
Don't compromise
862
00:53:12,040 --> 00:53:14,400
the integrity of the...
863
00:53:14,400 --> 00:53:14,900
HE VOMITS
864
00:53:19,640 --> 00:53:20,880
Crime scene.
865
00:53:27,080 --> 00:53:28,720
Yeah, that.
866
00:53:48,720 --> 00:53:50,000
CELL DOOR SLAMS OPEN
Wakey-wakey!
867
00:53:50,440 --> 00:53:51,720
Oh, my God.
868
00:53:51,720 --> 00:53:53,600
Greg... Is that Greg?
869
00:53:53,600 --> 00:53:56,000
Get up. I'm going to
put you two in a taxi.
870
00:53:56,000 --> 00:53:58,680
I managed to square things
with the desk sergeant.
871
00:53:58,680 --> 00:54:01,200
Ha! What a couple of lightweights -
872
00:54:01,200 --> 00:54:03,240
you couldn't even make it
to closing time!
873
00:54:03,240 --> 00:54:04,760
Can you whisper?
HE SHOUTS: Not really!
874
00:54:08,640 --> 00:54:10,480
Come on.
875
00:54:22,200 --> 00:54:25,560
Well, thanks for a...
876
00:54:25,560 --> 00:54:27,920
You know... an evening.
877
00:54:27,920 --> 00:54:28,920
It was awful.
878
00:54:28,920 --> 00:54:32,000
Yeah. I was going to pretend, but...
879
00:54:32,000 --> 00:54:33,640
it was, truly.
880
00:54:33,640 --> 00:54:35,040
That woman, Tessa...
881
00:54:35,040 --> 00:54:36,280
What?
882
00:54:36,280 --> 00:54:38,760
Dated a ghost, most interesting
case for months.
883
00:54:38,760 --> 00:54:40,320
What a wasted opportunity!
884
00:54:41,840 --> 00:54:43,360
OK.
885
00:54:49,360 --> 00:54:50,760
How are you feeling?
886
00:54:50,760 --> 00:54:52,120
Hmm.
887
00:54:53,520 --> 00:54:55,600
It's just like old times,
having you back here.
888
00:54:55,600 --> 00:54:59,880
I thought I'd make your
favourite, one last time.
889
00:54:59,880 --> 00:55:02,800
Oh. Don't sound so final about it,
890
00:55:02,800 --> 00:55:05,720
I will be visiting, you know.
Ooh, I've heard that one before!
891
00:55:05,720 --> 00:55:07,760
No, it's different now,
though, isn't it?
892
00:55:07,760 --> 00:55:09,880
It's different to when
we thought we'd lost him.
893
00:55:09,880 --> 00:55:12,080
Well, marriage
changes everything, John.
894
00:55:12,080 --> 00:55:16,080
Does it? Yeah. You might not
think it, but it does.
895
00:55:16,080 --> 00:55:18,160
It's a different phase in your life.
896
00:55:18,160 --> 00:55:19,440
You meet knew people,
897
00:55:19,440 --> 00:55:21,080
cos you're a couple,
898
00:55:21,080 --> 00:55:25,040
and then you just let
your old friends slip away.
899
00:55:25,040 --> 00:55:28,240
It won't be like that.
Well, if you've found the right one,
900
00:55:28,240 --> 00:55:31,320
the person that you click with,
it's the best thing in the world.
901
00:55:31,320 --> 00:55:34,360
Well, I have. I know I have.
Oh, I'm sure.
902
00:55:34,360 --> 00:55:35,560
She's lovely.
903
00:55:35,560 --> 00:55:37,880
Yeah, I think so. What about you?
904
00:55:37,880 --> 00:55:39,160
Me?
905
00:55:39,160 --> 00:55:42,440
Did you think you'd found the right
one when you married Mr Hudson?
906
00:55:42,440 --> 00:55:45,520
No. It was just
a whirlwind thing for us.
907
00:55:45,520 --> 00:55:48,800
I knew it wouldn't work, but I just
got sort of swept along. Right.
908
00:55:48,800 --> 00:55:51,000
And then we moved to Florida.
909
00:55:51,000 --> 00:55:52,440
We had a fantastic time,
910
00:55:52,440 --> 00:55:55,680
but of course I didn't know
what he was up to. (The drugs.)
911
00:55:55,680 --> 00:55:58,040
Drugs?! He was running, erm...
912
00:55:58,040 --> 00:56:00,000
Oh, what do you call it?
913
00:56:00,000 --> 00:56:02,200
Erm... A...
914
00:56:02,200 --> 00:56:04,040
cartel.
915
00:56:04,040 --> 00:56:06,040
And got in with a really bad crowd.
916
00:56:06,040 --> 00:56:09,320
Right. And then I found out
about all the other women.
917
00:56:09,320 --> 00:56:11,120
I didn't have a clue.
918
00:56:11,120 --> 00:56:15,520
So, when he was actually arrested
for blowing someone's head off,
919
00:56:15,520 --> 00:56:19,000
it was quite a relief, to be honest.
920
00:56:20,440 --> 00:56:21,600
Oh.
921
00:56:21,600 --> 00:56:24,720
It was purely physical
between me and Frank.
922
00:56:24,720 --> 00:56:27,080
We couldn't keep
our hands off each other.
923
00:56:27,080 --> 00:56:29,640
I know, there was one night...
924
00:56:29,640 --> 00:56:31,080
FAINT FOOTSTEPS
Oh, is that Sherlock?
925
00:56:31,720 --> 00:56:32,920
Is it?
926
00:56:32,920 --> 00:56:34,160
FAINT FOOTSTEPS
That's Sherlock.
927
00:56:39,200 --> 00:56:40,840
Urgh...
928
00:56:54,640 --> 00:56:56,440
There are going to be others.
929
00:56:56,440 --> 00:56:59,480
Others? Victims, women.
930
00:56:59,480 --> 00:57:01,600
Most ghosts tend to
haunt a single house.
931
00:57:01,600 --> 00:57:04,160
This ghost, however,
is willing to commute. Look.
932
00:57:25,680 --> 00:57:27,160
Hmm...
933
00:57:27,160 --> 00:57:29,080
Not you. Not you.
934
00:57:29,080 --> 00:57:31,280
Not you. Not you. Not you. Not you.
935
00:57:31,280 --> 00:57:33,400
Not you. Not you.
936
00:57:33,400 --> 00:57:35,240
Not you.
937
00:57:35,240 --> 00:57:36,800
Not you. Not you.
938
00:57:36,800 --> 00:57:38,280
Hmm...
939
00:57:38,280 --> 00:57:39,920
Not you.
940
00:57:39,920 --> 00:57:43,320
Not you. Not you. Not you.
Not you. Not you. Not you.
941
00:57:43,320 --> 00:57:45,720
Not you. Not you.
Not you. Not you. Not you.
942
00:57:45,720 --> 00:57:46,880
Not you, you, you, or you, or you.
943
00:57:46,880 --> 00:57:51,160
Or not you, not you, not you,
not you, not you, not you.
944
00:57:51,160 --> 00:57:53,920
Not you.
945
00:58:00,520 --> 00:58:02,360
Hi.
946
00:58:02,360 --> 00:58:03,880
Gail.
947
00:58:09,200 --> 00:58:10,720
Charlotte.
948
00:58:12,200 --> 00:58:14,440
Robyn.
949
00:58:16,960 --> 00:58:18,480
Vicky.
950
00:58:26,160 --> 00:58:28,240
How did you meet?
951
00:58:28,240 --> 00:58:30,480
Came up to me in a pub.
Same gym as me.
952
00:58:30,480 --> 00:58:32,520
We just got chatting on the bus.
953
00:58:32,520 --> 00:58:33,600
Online.
954
00:58:33,600 --> 00:58:35,600
Name? Told you.
955
00:58:35,600 --> 00:58:37,400
His name. Oscar.
956
00:58:37,400 --> 00:58:39,280
Mike. Terry.
957
00:58:39,280 --> 00:58:41,840
Erm... Love Monkey.
958
00:58:41,840 --> 00:58:43,600
Your place?
959
00:58:43,600 --> 00:58:44,880
ALL: His place.
960
00:58:46,080 --> 00:58:47,320
Address?
961
00:58:47,320 --> 00:58:48,641
THEY ALL GIVE DIFFERENT ADDRESSES
962
00:58:51,520 --> 00:58:52,720
Nothing happened.
963
00:58:52,720 --> 00:58:55,800
It was just... very romantic.
964
00:58:55,800 --> 00:58:58,520
Four women in four nights.
He must have something special.
965
00:58:58,520 --> 00:59:00,200
He was very charming. He listened.
966
00:59:00,200 --> 00:59:01,360
He was sweet.
967
00:59:01,360 --> 00:59:02,680
He had a lovely...
968
00:59:02,680 --> 00:59:04,720
You OK?
969
00:59:04,720 --> 00:59:08,240
You've let your food go cold.
Mrs Hudson will play hell.
970
00:59:08,240 --> 00:59:09,520
Not now, John.
971
00:59:13,000 --> 00:59:15,000
Sorry about that.
972
00:59:15,000 --> 00:59:16,600
He had a lovely manner.
973
00:59:16,600 --> 00:59:19,640
Different names,
different addresses.
974
00:59:19,640 --> 00:59:21,000
Describe him.
975
00:59:21,000 --> 00:59:22,080
Short blonde hair.
976
00:59:22,080 --> 00:59:23,480
Dark hair. Long.
977
00:59:23,480 --> 00:59:25,120
Ginger. I like gingers.
978
00:59:25,120 --> 00:59:26,320
Couldn't tell.
979
00:59:26,320 --> 00:59:28,200
He had a mask on.
980
00:59:30,200 --> 00:59:32,280
He's stealing
the identity of corpses,
981
00:59:32,280 --> 00:59:35,560
getting their names
from the obituary columns.
982
00:59:35,560 --> 00:59:36,880
All single men.
983
00:59:36,880 --> 00:59:38,320
He's using the dead man's flat
984
00:59:38,320 --> 00:59:40,960
under the assumption
it will be empty for a while.
985
00:59:40,960 --> 00:59:42,320
Free love nest.
986
00:59:42,320 --> 00:59:43,320
I feel sick.
987
00:59:43,320 --> 00:59:44,320
It's gruesome.
988
00:59:44,320 --> 00:59:46,240
That's awful. Clever...
989
00:59:46,240 --> 00:59:47,080
Bastard!
990
00:59:51,320 --> 00:59:53,600
Hello, Tessa.
991
00:59:53,600 --> 00:59:55,080
Meanwhile, back to business.
992
00:59:55,080 --> 00:59:56,840
No-one wants to use
a dead man's home.
993
00:59:58,240 --> 01:00:00,280
At least not until
it's been cleared.
994
01:00:00,280 --> 01:00:03,440
So, he disguises himself.
995
01:00:03,440 --> 01:00:06,360
Steals the man's home,
steals his identity.
996
01:00:06,360 --> 01:00:09,000
But only for one night.
Then he's gone.
997
01:00:09,000 --> 01:00:11,160
He's not a ghost, John.
He's a Mayfly.
998
01:00:11,160 --> 01:00:12,520
He lives for a day.
999
01:00:13,720 --> 01:00:17,640
So, what was it
he was looking for?
1000
01:00:17,640 --> 01:00:18,680
Job?
1001
01:00:18,680 --> 01:00:20,160
Gardener. Cook.
1002
01:00:20,160 --> 01:00:21,760
Private nurse. I do security work.
1003
01:00:21,760 --> 01:00:22,960
Maid.
1004
01:00:24,240 --> 01:00:26,120
Obvious. You all work
for the same person.
1005
01:00:40,600 --> 01:00:43,040
No, no, not the same employer. Damn!
1006
01:00:43,040 --> 01:00:44,440
Come on, we can do this.
1007
01:00:44,440 --> 01:00:45,560
Ideal night out?
1008
01:00:45,560 --> 01:00:46,880
Clay-pigeon shooting.
1009
01:00:46,880 --> 01:00:48,000
Line dancing.
1010
01:00:48,000 --> 01:00:49,080
Pictures.
1011
01:00:49,080 --> 01:00:50,880
Wine in front of the telly.
1012
01:00:50,880 --> 01:00:52,600
Dungeon.
1013
01:00:53,680 --> 01:00:55,520
Make-up? Clarins.
1014
01:00:55,520 --> 01:00:56,920
No7.
1015
01:00:56,920 --> 01:00:58,960
Maybelline. Nothing special.
1016
01:00:58,960 --> 01:00:59,920
Whatever's cheap.
1017
01:00:59,920 --> 01:01:01,600
Perfume?
1018
01:01:01,600 --> 01:01:03,680
Chanel. Chanel. Chanel.
1019
01:01:03,680 --> 01:01:06,120
Chanel. Estee Lauder.
1020
01:01:07,320 --> 01:01:08,760
Ideal man?
1021
01:01:08,760 --> 01:01:10,040
George Clooney.
1022
01:01:10,040 --> 01:01:11,560
Oh...! Home-loving.
1023
01:01:11,560 --> 01:01:13,520
He'd have to like cuddling.
1024
01:01:13,520 --> 01:01:16,080
Caring. Ten things.
1025
01:01:16,080 --> 01:01:18,280
One - someone who isn't
competitive with other men.
1026
01:01:18,280 --> 01:01:20,400
Two - someone who isn't constantly
1027
01:01:20,400 --> 01:01:23,880
trying to define himself
by his masculinity...
1028
01:01:23,880 --> 01:01:26,280
There's a unifying factor,
1029
01:01:26,280 --> 01:01:27,720
there has to be.
1030
01:01:27,720 --> 01:01:29,600
None of you reported
anything stolen.
1031
01:01:31,880 --> 01:01:35,680
Security guard, gardener, cook,
maid, private nurse.
1032
01:01:35,680 --> 01:01:37,560
He's romancing his way
up a pecking order.
1033
01:01:37,560 --> 01:01:40,520
Somebody's pecking order.
Come on, think. Unless...
1034
01:01:41,640 --> 01:01:43,640
Do you have a secret
you've never told anyone?
1035
01:01:43,640 --> 01:01:45,160
ALL: No.
1036
01:01:45,160 --> 01:01:47,040
Gotcha! What do you mean?
1037
01:01:47,040 --> 01:01:49,520
Everyone has secrets and
they all replied too quickly.
1038
01:01:49,520 --> 01:01:52,320
Got to go. See you. No... Wait!
Bye-bye. Wait!
1039
01:01:52,320 --> 01:01:55,040
Sorry, sexy, some secrets
have to stay secret.
1040
01:01:55,040 --> 01:01:56,840
Enjoy the wedding.
1041
01:01:59,240 --> 01:02:02,680
Why? WHY would he date all of those
women and not return their calls?
1042
01:02:02,680 --> 01:02:05,200
You're missing
the obvious, mate. Am I?
1043
01:02:05,200 --> 01:02:06,640
He's a man.
1044
01:02:06,640 --> 01:02:08,720
But why would he
change his identity?
1045
01:02:08,720 --> 01:02:10,120
Maybe he's married.
1046
01:02:12,080 --> 01:02:13,360
Oh...
1047
01:02:13,360 --> 01:02:15,040
Married.
1048
01:02:15,040 --> 01:02:16,160
Obvious, really.
1049
01:02:16,160 --> 01:02:17,880
Our Mayfly Man
was trying to escape
1050
01:02:17,880 --> 01:02:19,600
the suffocating
chains of domesticity
1051
01:02:19,600 --> 01:02:21,840
and instead of endless nights in
watching the telly
1052
01:02:21,840 --> 01:02:25,520
or going to barbecues with the awful,
dreadful, boring people he couldn't stand,
1053
01:02:25,520 --> 01:02:28,920
he used his wits, cleverness and powers
of disguise to play the field. He was...
1054
01:02:31,640 --> 01:02:33,280
On second thoughts,
1055
01:02:33,280 --> 01:02:36,280
I probably should have told you
about the elephant in the room.
1056
01:02:36,280 --> 01:02:38,920
However, it does help
to further illustrate
1057
01:02:38,920 --> 01:02:40,800
how invaluable John is to me.
1058
01:02:40,800 --> 01:02:44,480
I can read a crime scene the way
he can understand a human being.
1059
01:02:44,480 --> 01:02:47,440
I used to think that's what made me
special - quite frankly I still do.
1060
01:02:47,440 --> 01:02:48,640
But a word to the wise,
1061
01:02:48,640 --> 01:02:51,480
should any of you require
the services of either of us,
1062
01:02:51,480 --> 01:02:53,320
I will solve your murder,
1063
01:02:53,320 --> 01:02:56,200
but it takes John Watson
to save your life.
1064
01:02:56,200 --> 01:02:57,800
Trust me on that, I should know,
1065
01:02:57,800 --> 01:03:00,040
he's saved mine so many times
and in so many ways.
1066
01:03:02,480 --> 01:03:06,120
This blog is the story of two men
1067
01:03:06,120 --> 01:03:09,600
and their, frankly,
ridiculous adventures
1068
01:03:09,600 --> 01:03:12,480
of murder, mystery and mayhem.
1069
01:03:14,320 --> 01:03:17,280
But from now on,
there's a new story.
1070
01:03:18,760 --> 01:03:20,680
A bigger adventure.
1071
01:03:22,280 --> 01:03:23,600
Ladies and gentlemen,
1072
01:03:23,600 --> 01:03:28,200
pray, charge your glasses
and be upstanding.
1073
01:03:28,200 --> 01:03:30,240
Today begin the adventures
1074
01:03:30,240 --> 01:03:32,120
of Mary Elizabeth Watson
1075
01:03:32,120 --> 01:03:33,960
and John Hamish Watson.
1076
01:03:33,960 --> 01:03:38,080
The two reasons why
every single one of us is...
1077
01:03:55,800 --> 01:03:56,960
What did you say?
1078
01:03:56,960 --> 01:04:00,400
You said...
1079
01:04:00,400 --> 01:04:03,640
"John Hamish Watson."
1080
01:04:03,640 --> 01:04:06,080
You said that. You said "Hamish."
1081
01:04:07,480 --> 01:04:09,600
This is a famous detective,
it's Sherlock Holmes
1082
01:04:09,600 --> 01:04:11,400
and his partner, John Hamish Watson.
1083
01:04:11,400 --> 01:04:13,320
How did you know?
1084
01:04:13,320 --> 01:04:15,520
How did YOU know his middle name?
1085
01:04:15,520 --> 01:04:17,640
He never tells anyone, he hates it.
1086
01:04:21,600 --> 01:04:23,520
John "H" Watson?
1087
01:04:23,520 --> 01:04:24,960
Yep.
1088
01:04:32,000 --> 01:04:34,280
Henry? Shut up.
1089
01:04:34,280 --> 01:04:35,520
Humphrey?
1090
01:04:35,520 --> 01:04:37,240
Shut up.
1091
01:04:37,240 --> 01:04:38,041
SHOWER RUNS Higgins?
1092
01:04:40,080 --> 01:04:42,160
'Go away!'
1093
01:04:42,160 --> 01:04:44,840
It took him years to confide in me.
1094
01:04:44,840 --> 01:04:47,200
Oh...
1095
01:04:47,200 --> 01:04:48,960
That's my birth certificate.
1096
01:04:48,960 --> 01:04:50,200
Yep.
1097
01:04:54,600 --> 01:04:56,840
And the woman - she knew.
1098
01:04:59,040 --> 01:05:00,760
Hamish.
1099
01:05:00,760 --> 01:05:01,561
HE CLEARS HIS THROAT
1100
01:05:02,120 --> 01:05:03,800
John Hamish Watson,
1101
01:05:03,800 --> 01:05:06,840
just if you were
looking for baby names.
1102
01:05:06,840 --> 01:05:08,680
God knows where she is.
1103
01:05:13,480 --> 01:05:15,400
Out of my head, I am busy!
1104
01:05:16,920 --> 01:05:19,280
There's only one time
that name's been made public.
1105
01:05:19,280 --> 01:05:21,200
Does it have to be on the invitation?
1106
01:05:21,200 --> 01:05:23,200
It's your name.
1107
01:05:23,200 --> 01:05:24,960
It's traditional... It's funny...
1108
01:05:28,040 --> 01:05:29,520
'Enjoy the wedding...'
1109
01:05:34,200 --> 01:05:35,640
Enjoy the wedding.
1110
01:05:35,640 --> 01:05:37,760
The wedding.
You knew about the wedding.
1111
01:05:37,760 --> 01:05:40,280
More importantly, you'd seen
a wedding invitation.
1112
01:05:40,280 --> 01:05:42,520
Now barely 100 people
had seen that invitation.
1113
01:05:42,520 --> 01:05:44,640
The Mayfly Man only saw five women.
1114
01:05:44,640 --> 01:05:46,800
For one person
to be in both groups...
1115
01:05:46,800 --> 01:05:48,400
could be a coincidence.
1116
01:05:48,400 --> 01:05:50,520
Oh, Sherlock!
1117
01:05:50,520 --> 01:05:52,720
What do we say about coincidences?
1118
01:05:52,720 --> 01:05:54,160
The universe is rarely so lazy.
1119
01:05:54,160 --> 01:05:57,200
So, the balance of probability is?
Someone went to great lengths
1120
01:05:57,200 --> 01:06:01,560
to find out something about this wedding. What great lengths?
They lied. Assumed false identities.
1121
01:06:01,560 --> 01:06:03,520
Which suggests? Criminal intent.
1122
01:06:03,520 --> 01:06:04,760
Also suggests?
1123
01:06:04,760 --> 01:06:06,160
Intelligence, planning.
1124
01:06:06,160 --> 01:06:08,600
Clearly. But more importantly?
1125
01:06:10,120 --> 01:06:11,480
The Mayfly Man.
1126
01:06:12,640 --> 01:06:13,880
The Mayfly Man is...
1127
01:06:13,880 --> 01:06:16,080
Here today!
1128
01:06:16,080 --> 01:06:18,880
Ooh, sorry. I...
1129
01:06:20,360 --> 01:06:21,520
Another glass, sir?
1130
01:06:21,520 --> 01:06:23,320
Thank you, yes, thank you. Yes.
1131
01:06:23,320 --> 01:06:25,600
Something's going to happen,
right here.
1132
01:06:28,920 --> 01:06:30,040
Now, where were we?
1133
01:06:30,040 --> 01:06:30,960
Could be any second.
1134
01:06:34,800 --> 01:06:36,160
You have control of the room.
1135
01:06:36,160 --> 01:06:37,720
Ah, yes.
1136
01:06:37,720 --> 01:06:40,840
Raising glasses and standing up.
Very good. Thank you.
1137
01:06:40,840 --> 01:06:42,280
Don't lose it.
1138
01:06:42,280 --> 01:06:44,560
And down again.
1139
01:06:52,520 --> 01:06:53,680
Ladies and gentlemen,
1140
01:06:53,680 --> 01:06:56,000
people tell you not
to milk a good speech.
1141
01:06:56,000 --> 01:06:58,400
Get off early, leave 'em laughing.
1142
01:06:59,920 --> 01:07:02,640
Wise advice I'll certainly
try to bear in mind.
1143
01:07:02,640 --> 01:07:03,880
But for now...
1144
01:07:03,880 --> 01:07:05,520
part two!
1145
01:07:05,520 --> 01:07:08,040
Part two is more action-based.
1146
01:07:08,040 --> 01:07:11,760
I'm going to walk around,
shake things up a bit.
1147
01:07:11,760 --> 01:07:14,560
Who'd go to a wedding?
That's the question.
1148
01:07:14,560 --> 01:07:17,200
Who would bother
to go to any lengths
1149
01:07:17,200 --> 01:07:19,240
to get themselves to a wedding?
1150
01:07:20,840 --> 01:07:22,120
Well, everyone.
1151
01:07:22,120 --> 01:07:24,680
Weddings are great, love a wedding.
What's he doing?
1152
01:07:24,680 --> 01:07:26,440
Something's wrong.
1153
01:07:26,440 --> 01:07:27,960
And John's great too.
1154
01:07:27,960 --> 01:07:30,600
Haven't said that enough,
barely scratched the surface.
1155
01:07:30,600 --> 01:07:31,960
I could go on all night
1156
01:07:31,960 --> 01:07:36,280
about the depth and complexity
of his jumpers,
1157
01:07:36,280 --> 01:07:38,600
and he can cook.
1158
01:07:38,600 --> 01:07:42,160
Does... erm... a thing.
A thing with peas...
1159
01:07:43,400 --> 01:07:45,640
Once. Might not be peas,
might not be him.
1160
01:07:45,640 --> 01:07:48,640
But he's got a great singing voice,
or somebody does.
1161
01:07:48,640 --> 01:07:50,920
Too many, too many,
too many, too many!
1162
01:07:52,280 --> 01:07:55,040
Sorry, too many jokes about John.
1163
01:07:55,040 --> 01:07:58,040
Now... Criminal intent.
1164
01:07:58,040 --> 01:07:59,720
Where was I? Ah, yes.
1165
01:07:59,720 --> 01:08:01,560
Extraordinary lengths.
1166
01:08:01,560 --> 01:08:03,280
Speech. Speech.
1167
01:08:03,280 --> 01:08:05,000
Let's talk about...
1168
01:08:05,000 --> 01:08:07,480
All of which is suggestive of...
1169
01:08:08,720 --> 01:08:11,560
Murder! Sorry, did I say murder?
1170
01:08:11,560 --> 01:08:12,840
I meant to say marriage.
1171
01:08:12,840 --> 01:08:15,440
But, you know,
they're quite similar procedures,
1172
01:08:15,440 --> 01:08:16,680
when you think about it.
1173
01:08:16,680 --> 01:08:18,520
The participants tend
to know each other
1174
01:08:18,520 --> 01:08:20,280
and it's over
when one of them's dead.
1175
01:08:20,280 --> 01:08:23,760
In fairness, murder is a lot quicker
though. Janine, what about this one?
1176
01:08:23,760 --> 01:08:27,760
Acceptably hot? More importantly, his
girlfriend's wearing new uncomfortable underwear
1177
01:08:27,760 --> 01:08:31,920
and hasn't bothered to pick this thread off his
jacket, or point out the grease smudge on his neck.
1178
01:08:31,920 --> 01:08:34,560
He's going home alone.
Also he's a comics and sci-fi geek,
1179
01:08:34,560 --> 01:08:37,520
they're always tremendously
grateful, really put the hours in.
1180
01:08:37,520 --> 01:08:39,160
Jeff, the gents.
1181
01:08:39,160 --> 01:08:40,440
Loos now, please.
1182
01:08:40,440 --> 01:08:43,400
Greg. The loos, please. Why?
1183
01:08:43,400 --> 01:08:45,640
Oh, I don't know,
maybe it's your TURN.
1184
01:08:46,720 --> 01:08:48,640
Yeah, actually,
now you mention it.
1185
01:08:48,640 --> 01:08:51,440
Sherlock, any chance of a...
An end date for this speech?
1186
01:08:51,440 --> 01:08:52,520
Got to cut the cake.
1187
01:08:52,520 --> 01:08:54,560
Oh, ladies and gentlemen,
1188
01:08:54,560 --> 01:08:57,320
can't stand it when I finally
get the chance to speak for once.
1189
01:08:57,320 --> 01:08:58,640
Vatican cameos.
1190
01:08:58,640 --> 01:09:00,560
What did he say?
What does that mean?
1191
01:09:00,560 --> 01:09:02,520
Battle stations,
someone's going to die.
1192
01:09:02,520 --> 01:09:03,800
What?!
1193
01:09:04,880 --> 01:09:07,560
Narrow it down. Narrow it down.
1194
01:09:08,840 --> 01:09:10,640
Narrow it down!
1195
01:09:10,640 --> 01:09:12,400
Argh! No, no!
1196
01:09:12,400 --> 01:09:14,840
Not you!
1197
01:09:16,240 --> 01:09:19,440
You. It's always you.
1198
01:09:19,440 --> 01:09:22,200
John Watson, you keep me right.
1199
01:09:23,840 --> 01:09:25,120
What do I do?
1200
01:09:25,120 --> 01:09:26,760
You've already done it.
1201
01:09:26,760 --> 01:09:28,880
Don't solve the murder.
1202
01:09:28,880 --> 01:09:30,080
Save the life.
1203
01:09:30,080 --> 01:09:32,560
Sorry, off piste a bit.
1204
01:09:32,560 --> 01:09:33,880
Back now. Phew!
1205
01:09:33,880 --> 01:09:36,800
Let's play a game.
Let's play murder.
1206
01:09:38,200 --> 01:09:39,320
Sherlock!
1207
01:09:39,320 --> 01:09:42,200
Imagine someone's going to
get murdered at a wedding.
1208
01:09:42,200 --> 01:09:43,560
Who exactly would you pick?
1209
01:09:43,560 --> 01:09:46,560
I think you're a popular choice
at the moment, dear.
1210
01:09:46,560 --> 01:09:49,560
If someone could move Mrs Hudson's
glass just slightly out of reach,
1211
01:09:49,560 --> 01:09:50,560
that would be lovely.
1212
01:09:50,560 --> 01:09:54,840
More importantly, who could you
only kill at a wedding?
1213
01:09:56,200 --> 01:09:57,920
Most people you can kill
any old place.
1214
01:09:57,920 --> 01:09:59,000
As a mental exercise,
1215
01:09:59,000 --> 01:10:01,400
I've often planned the murder
of friends and colleagues.
1216
01:10:01,400 --> 01:10:02,520
Now, John, I'd poison.
1217
01:10:02,520 --> 01:10:05,600
Sloppy eater, dead easy. I've given
him chemicals and compounds,
1218
01:10:05,600 --> 01:10:07,080
that way he's never even noticed.
1219
01:10:07,080 --> 01:10:09,320
He missed a whole Wednesday once,
didn't have a clue.
1220
01:10:09,320 --> 01:10:12,880
Lestrade's so easy to kill it's a miracle
no-one's succumbed to the temptation.
1221
01:10:12,880 --> 01:10:16,760
I've got keys to my brother's house, I could
break in and asphyxiate him, if the whim arose.
1222
01:10:16,760 --> 01:10:18,560
He's pissed, isn't he? Ow!
1223
01:10:18,560 --> 01:10:20,120
So, once again,
1224
01:10:20,120 --> 01:10:22,680
who could you only kill here?
1225
01:10:22,680 --> 01:10:24,240
Clearly it's a rare opportunity,
1226
01:10:24,240 --> 01:10:26,200
so it's someone
who doesn't get out much.
1227
01:10:26,200 --> 01:10:28,120
Someone for whom
a planned social encounter
1228
01:10:28,120 --> 01:10:30,360
known about months in advance
is an exception.
1229
01:10:30,360 --> 01:10:32,000
Has to be a unique opportunity.
1230
01:10:33,400 --> 01:10:35,680
And since killing someone
in public is difficult,
1231
01:10:35,680 --> 01:10:37,840
killing them in private
isn't an option.
1232
01:10:37,840 --> 01:10:41,240
Someone who lives in an inaccessible
or unknown location, then.
1233
01:10:41,240 --> 01:10:42,960
Someone private perhaps,
1234
01:10:42,960 --> 01:10:45,000
obsessed with personal security.
1235
01:10:46,440 --> 01:10:48,320
Possibly someone under threat.
1236
01:10:52,960 --> 01:10:55,480
Major James Sholto, who he?
I don't think he's coming.
1237
01:10:55,480 --> 01:10:56,480
He'll be there.
1238
01:10:56,480 --> 01:10:58,360
Where are you living these days?
1239
01:10:58,360 --> 01:11:00,440
Oh, way out in
the middle of nowhere.
1240
01:11:00,440 --> 01:11:02,040
The press and families
gave him hell.
1241
01:11:02,040 --> 01:11:03,880
He gets more death threats than you.
1242
01:11:05,280 --> 01:11:07,320
A recluse?
1243
01:11:07,320 --> 01:11:09,360
Small household staff.
1244
01:11:09,360 --> 01:11:11,440
Job? Gardener. Cook.
Private nurse. Maid.
1245
01:11:11,440 --> 01:11:13,440
High turnover
for additional security.
1246
01:11:13,440 --> 01:11:16,480
I do security work. Probably all
signed confidentiality agreements.
1247
01:11:16,480 --> 01:11:18,920
Do you have a secret you've
never told anyone? ALL: No.
1248
01:11:18,920 --> 01:11:21,520
There is another question that
remains. Rather a big one,
1249
01:11:21,520 --> 01:11:24,200
a huge one - how would you do it?
How do you kill someone in public?
1250
01:11:24,200 --> 01:11:26,000
There has to be a way.
This has been planned.
1251
01:11:26,000 --> 01:11:28,040
Mr Holmes! Hello, Archie,
what's your theory?
1252
01:11:28,040 --> 01:11:30,480
Get this right and there's
a headless nun in it for you.
1253
01:11:30,480 --> 01:11:33,200
The invisible man could do it.
The who, what, why, when, where?
1254
01:11:33,200 --> 01:11:37,640
The invisible man with the invisible knife.
The one who tried to kill the Guardsman.
1255
01:11:53,680 --> 01:11:54,840
Bainbridge?
1256
01:11:54,840 --> 01:11:56,560
Bainbridge!
1257
01:12:04,080 --> 01:12:07,600
(Oh, not just planned -
planned and rehearsed.)
1258
01:12:07,600 --> 01:12:09,720
Ladies and gentlemen,
1259
01:12:09,720 --> 01:12:11,360
there will now be a short interlude.
1260
01:12:11,360 --> 01:12:13,440
The bride and groom...
1261
01:12:16,160 --> 01:12:18,120
ALL: The bride and groom.
1262
01:12:18,120 --> 01:12:21,880
Major Sholto's going to be murdered, I don't
know how or by whom, but it's going to happen.
1263
01:12:21,880 --> 01:12:24,440
Excuse me, coming through.
Consulting.
1264
01:12:24,440 --> 01:12:28,960
Stay here. Please be careful.
Excuse me. Coming through.
1265
01:12:28,960 --> 01:12:31,440
Excuse me.
1266
01:12:31,440 --> 01:12:33,640
I'm sorry, one more.
Oops. I'm so sorry.
1267
01:12:33,640 --> 01:12:34,640
Thank you.
1268
01:13:00,120 --> 01:13:03,160
How can you not remember which room?
You remember everything.
1269
01:13:03,160 --> 01:13:05,560
I have to delete something! 207.
1270
01:13:12,600 --> 01:13:15,520
Major Sholto? Major Sholto!
1271
01:13:17,320 --> 01:13:20,920
Major Sholto! If someone's about
to make an attempt on my life,
1272
01:13:20,920 --> 01:13:23,360
it won't be the first time.
I'm ready.
1273
01:13:23,360 --> 01:13:25,360
Major, let us in.
Kick the door down.
1274
01:13:25,360 --> 01:13:26,560
I really wouldn't.
1275
01:13:26,560 --> 01:13:31,120
I have a gun in my hand and
a lifetime of unfortunate reflexes.
1276
01:13:31,120 --> 01:13:34,480
You're not safe in there. Whoever's after
you, we know a locked room doesn't stop him.
1277
01:13:34,480 --> 01:13:36,440
The invisible man
with the invisible knife.
1278
01:13:36,440 --> 01:13:40,280
I don't know how he does it. I can't stop him and
that means he'll do it again! Solve it, then!
1279
01:13:40,280 --> 01:13:42,120
I'm sorry?
1280
01:13:42,120 --> 01:13:45,240
You're the famous Mr Holmes,
solve the case, on you go.
1281
01:13:45,240 --> 01:13:47,880
Tell me how he did it
and I'll open the door.
1282
01:13:47,880 --> 01:13:50,160
Please, this is no time for games,
1283
01:13:50,160 --> 01:13:51,640
just let us in, you're in danger!
1284
01:13:51,640 --> 01:13:53,200
So are you,
so long as you're here.
1285
01:13:53,200 --> 01:13:56,120
Please, leave me.
1286
01:13:56,120 --> 01:13:59,640
Despite my reputation, I really
don't approve of collateral damage.
1287
01:13:59,640 --> 01:14:02,840
Solve it. Sorry? Solve it and
he'll open the door, like he said.
1288
01:14:02,840 --> 01:14:06,080
I couldn't solve it before, how can I solve it now?
Because it matters now.
1289
01:14:06,080 --> 01:14:09,120
What are you talking about? Get your
wife under control! She's right.
1290
01:14:09,120 --> 01:14:11,000
Oh, you've changed!
No, she is. Shut up!
1291
01:14:11,000 --> 01:14:13,280
You are not a puzzle-solver,
you never have been.
1292
01:14:13,280 --> 01:14:14,400
You're a drama queen!
1293
01:14:14,400 --> 01:14:18,160
Now, there's a man in there about
to die, the game is on - solve it!
1294
01:14:33,920 --> 01:14:35,000
Bainbridge?
1295
01:14:37,720 --> 01:14:39,200
Bainbridge!
1296
01:14:42,320 --> 01:14:44,680
Though in fairness,
he's a drama queen too. I know.
1297
01:14:44,680 --> 01:14:46,760
Major Sholto, no-one's
coming to kill you.
1298
01:14:46,760 --> 01:14:49,560
I'm afraid you've already
been killed several hours ago.
1299
01:14:49,560 --> 01:14:50,720
What did you say?
1300
01:14:50,720 --> 01:14:52,280
Don't take off your belt.
1301
01:14:52,280 --> 01:14:53,800
My belt?
1302
01:14:53,800 --> 01:14:54,920
His belt, yes.
1303
01:14:54,920 --> 01:14:57,320
Bainbridge was stabbed
hours before we even saw him,
1304
01:14:57,320 --> 01:14:58,880
but it was through his belt.
1305
01:14:58,880 --> 01:15:00,720
Tight belt, worn high on the waist.
1306
01:15:00,720 --> 01:15:02,720
Very easy to push a small blade
through the fabric
1307
01:15:02,720 --> 01:15:03,960
and you wouldn't even feel it.
1308
01:15:03,960 --> 01:15:06,840
The belt would bind the flesh
together when it was tied tight.
1309
01:15:06,840 --> 01:15:09,440
Exactly. But when you took it off...
Delayed-action stabbing.
1310
01:15:09,440 --> 01:15:12,320
All the time in the world
to create an alibi. Major Sholto?
1311
01:15:12,320 --> 01:15:13,600
So...
1312
01:15:16,400 --> 01:15:19,680
I was to be killed by my uniform.
1313
01:15:19,680 --> 01:15:22,000
How appropriate.
1314
01:15:24,080 --> 01:15:25,560
He solved the case, Major,
1315
01:15:25,560 --> 01:15:28,560
you're supposed to open
the door now. A deal is a deal.
1316
01:15:28,560 --> 01:15:30,600
I'm not even supposed to
have this any more,
1317
01:15:30,600 --> 01:15:32,720
they gave me special
dispensation to keep it.
1318
01:15:32,720 --> 01:15:35,040
I couldn't imagine life
out of this uniform.
1319
01:15:35,040 --> 01:15:38,080
I suppose, given the circumstances,
I don't have to.
1320
01:15:41,080 --> 01:15:42,440
When so many want you dead,
1321
01:15:42,440 --> 01:15:44,400
it hardly seems
good manners to argue.
1322
01:15:49,040 --> 01:15:52,840
Whatever you're doing in there,
James, stop it, right now!
1323
01:15:52,840 --> 01:15:54,560
I will kick this door down!
1324
01:15:54,560 --> 01:15:57,480
Mr Holmes, you and
I are similar, I think.
1325
01:15:57,480 --> 01:16:00,280
Yes, I think we are. There's
a proper time to die, isn't there?
1326
01:16:00,280 --> 01:16:01,600
Of course there is.
1327
01:16:01,600 --> 01:16:05,320
And one should embrace it
when it comes.
1328
01:16:05,320 --> 01:16:06,360
Like a soldier.
1329
01:16:06,360 --> 01:16:09,160
Of course one should,
but not at John's wedding!
1330
01:16:11,320 --> 01:16:13,040
We wouldn't do that, would we,
1331
01:16:13,040 --> 01:16:15,360
you and me?
1332
01:16:15,360 --> 01:16:18,120
We would never do that
to John Watson.
1333
01:16:23,240 --> 01:16:24,600
I'm going to break it down.
1334
01:16:24,600 --> 01:16:26,640
Wait, wait, wait, you won't have to.
1335
01:16:32,920 --> 01:16:35,560
I believe I am in need
of medical attention.
1336
01:16:35,560 --> 01:16:38,360
I believe I'm your doctor.
1337
01:16:53,960 --> 01:16:56,200
Pretty good.
1338
01:16:56,200 --> 01:16:58,280
Just hold your nerve
on your turning.
1339
01:16:58,280 --> 01:16:59,960
Why do we have to rehearse?
1340
01:16:59,960 --> 01:17:02,200
Because we are about to
dance together in public
1341
01:17:02,200 --> 01:17:03,720
and your skills are appalling.
1342
01:17:03,720 --> 01:17:04,220
SHE LAUGHS
1343
01:17:05,320 --> 01:17:07,320
Wow, you're a good teacher. Hmm.
1344
01:17:07,320 --> 01:17:09,160
And you're a brilliant dancer.
1345
01:17:09,160 --> 01:17:11,040
Can I let you in
on something, Janine?
1346
01:17:11,040 --> 01:17:12,520
Go on, then.
1347
01:17:12,520 --> 01:17:14,600
I love dancing,
I've always loved it.
1348
01:17:14,600 --> 01:17:15,680
Seriously?
1349
01:17:15,680 --> 01:17:16,640
Watch out.
1350
01:17:20,680 --> 01:17:23,200
Oh!
1351
01:17:23,200 --> 01:17:25,560
Never really comes up
in crime work, but, you know,
1352
01:17:25,560 --> 01:17:28,440
I live in hope of the right case.
Oh, I wish you weren't...
1353
01:17:28,440 --> 01:17:31,600
whatever it is you are.
1354
01:17:31,600 --> 01:17:34,440
I know. Well, glad to see
you've pulled, Sherlock,
1355
01:17:34,440 --> 01:17:37,280
what with murderers
running riot at my wedding.
1356
01:17:37,280 --> 01:17:38,960
One murderer... One nearly murderer.
1357
01:17:38,960 --> 01:17:41,360
Loves to exaggerate -
you should try living with him.
1358
01:17:41,360 --> 01:17:42,880
Sherlock.
1359
01:17:42,880 --> 01:17:44,640
Got him for you.
1360
01:17:44,640 --> 01:17:47,760
Ah, the photographer,
excellent. Thank you.
1361
01:17:47,760 --> 01:17:50,120
May I have a look at your camera?
1362
01:17:50,120 --> 01:17:53,120
Erm, what's this about?
I was halfway home.
1363
01:17:53,120 --> 01:17:55,200
You should have driven faster.
1364
01:17:56,400 --> 01:17:57,960
Ah, yes. Yes!
1365
01:17:57,960 --> 01:17:59,720
Very good.
1366
01:17:59,720 --> 01:18:02,320
Now you see... Perfect.
1367
01:18:02,320 --> 01:18:04,720
What is? Are you going to tell us?
1368
01:18:04,720 --> 01:18:06,280
Try looking yourself.
1369
01:18:07,960 --> 01:18:11,240
Look for what?
Is the murderer in these photographs?
1370
01:18:11,240 --> 01:18:13,040
It's not what's
in the photographs,
1371
01:18:13,040 --> 01:18:15,120
it's what's not in them.
Not in any of them.
1372
01:18:15,120 --> 01:18:16,400
Sherlock?
1373
01:18:16,400 --> 01:18:18,760
The showing-off thing,
we've discussed it before...
1374
01:18:20,440 --> 01:18:24,000
There is always a man at a wedding
who is not in any photograph,
1375
01:18:24,000 --> 01:18:25,800
who can go anywhere.
1376
01:18:25,800 --> 01:18:28,600
And even carry an equipment bag
around with him if he likes.
1377
01:18:28,600 --> 01:18:30,560
And you never even see his face.
1378
01:18:30,560 --> 01:18:32,160
You only ever see...
1379
01:18:40,960 --> 01:18:42,240
The camera.
1380
01:18:42,240 --> 01:18:43,760
What are you doing? What is this?
1381
01:18:43,760 --> 01:18:46,400
Jonathan Small, today's
substitute wedding photographer,
1382
01:18:46,400 --> 01:18:48,280
known to us as the Mayfly Man.
1383
01:18:48,280 --> 01:18:53,000
His brother was one of the raw
recruits killed in that incursion.
1384
01:18:53,000 --> 01:18:55,080
Johnny sought revenge on Sholto,
1385
01:18:55,080 --> 01:18:57,400
worked his way through
Sholto's staff,
1386
01:18:57,400 --> 01:18:58,600
found what he needed.
1387
01:18:58,600 --> 01:19:00,800
An invitation to a wedding.
1388
01:19:00,800 --> 01:19:04,320
The one time Sholto would
have to be out in public.
1389
01:19:04,320 --> 01:19:08,120
So he made his plan
and rehearsed the murder,
1390
01:19:08,120 --> 01:19:11,640
making sure of every last detail.
1391
01:19:23,840 --> 01:19:25,400
Brilliant, ruthless,
1392
01:19:25,400 --> 01:19:27,320
and almost certainly a monomaniac.
1393
01:19:27,320 --> 01:19:30,320
Though, in fairness, his photographs
are actually quite good.
1394
01:19:30,320 --> 01:19:31,920
Everything you need is on that.
1395
01:19:31,920 --> 01:19:34,960
You probably ought to
arrest him or something.
1396
01:19:34,960 --> 01:19:37,080
Do you always carry handcuffs?
1397
01:19:37,080 --> 01:19:39,120
Down, girl. Come on, quick.
1398
01:19:39,120 --> 01:19:41,600
It's not me you should
be arresting, Mr Holmes.
1399
01:19:41,600 --> 01:19:44,160
Oh, I don't do the arresting,
I just farm that out.
1400
01:19:44,160 --> 01:19:46,360
Sholto, he's the killer, not me.
1401
01:19:46,360 --> 01:19:48,600
I should have killed him quicker.
1402
01:19:51,200 --> 01:19:53,120
I shouldn't have tried to be clever.
1403
01:19:54,480 --> 01:19:56,280
You should have driven faster.
1404
01:20:05,600 --> 01:20:06,920
Right.
1405
01:20:08,840 --> 01:20:09,521
SOLO VIOLIN PLAYS
1406
01:21:14,680 --> 01:21:15,520
APPLAUSE AND CHEERING
1407
01:21:25,520 --> 01:21:27,520
Ladies and gentlemen,
just one last thing
1408
01:21:27,520 --> 01:21:29,560
before the evening begins properly.
1409
01:21:29,560 --> 01:21:33,320
Apologies for earlier,
a crisis arose and was dealt with.
1410
01:21:33,320 --> 01:21:35,320
More importantly, however,
1411
01:21:35,320 --> 01:21:37,200
today we saw two people make vows.
1412
01:21:37,200 --> 01:21:38,640
I've never made a vow in my life
1413
01:21:38,640 --> 01:21:40,400
and after tonight
I never will again.
1414
01:21:40,400 --> 01:21:42,600
So, here in front of you all,
1415
01:21:42,600 --> 01:21:44,320
my first and last vow.
1416
01:21:45,520 --> 01:21:47,520
Mary and John,
1417
01:21:47,520 --> 01:21:49,320
whatever it takes,
1418
01:21:49,320 --> 01:21:51,320
whatever happens,
1419
01:21:51,320 --> 01:21:52,680
from now on,
1420
01:21:52,680 --> 01:21:55,200
I swear I will always be there.
1421
01:21:55,200 --> 01:21:56,560
Always.
1422
01:21:56,560 --> 01:21:57,960
For all three of you.
1423
01:21:57,960 --> 01:22:00,440
Erm... Sorry, I mean...
I mean two of you.
1424
01:22:00,440 --> 01:22:02,960
All two of you. Both of you,
in fact. I just miscounted.
1425
01:22:02,960 --> 01:22:04,840
Anyway, it's time for dancing.
1426
01:22:04,840 --> 01:22:06,680
Play the music again,
please. Thank you.
1427
01:22:06,680 --> 01:22:08,720
OK, everybody, just dance,
don't be shy.
1428
01:22:08,720 --> 01:22:10,800
Dancing, please. Very good.
1429
01:22:10,800 --> 01:22:13,560
Sorry, that was one more deduction
than I was really expecting.
1430
01:22:13,560 --> 01:22:15,280
Deduction? Increased appetite...
1431
01:22:15,280 --> 01:22:17,240
I'm starving.
Change of taste perception.
1432
01:22:17,240 --> 01:22:19,400
Oh, I chose this wine,
but it's bloody awful!
1433
01:22:19,400 --> 01:22:20,680
You were sick this morning.
1434
01:22:20,680 --> 01:22:22,360
You assumed it was
just wedding nerves.
1435
01:22:22,360 --> 01:22:24,520
You got angry with me
when I mentioned it to you.
1436
01:22:24,520 --> 01:22:27,720
All the signs are there. The signs?
1437
01:22:27,720 --> 01:22:29,680
The signs of three.
1438
01:22:29,680 --> 01:22:31,560
What?
1439
01:22:31,560 --> 01:22:33,480
Mary, I think you should
do a pregnancy test.
1440
01:22:34,560 --> 01:22:37,680
Well, the statistics for
the first trimester are...
1441
01:22:37,680 --> 01:22:38,720
Shut up!
1442
01:22:40,200 --> 01:22:41,480
Just shut up.
1443
01:22:41,480 --> 01:22:42,680
Sorry.
1444
01:22:42,680 --> 01:22:44,840
How did he notice before me?
1445
01:22:44,840 --> 01:22:47,320
I'm a bloody doctor. It's your
day off. It's YOUR day off!
1446
01:22:47,320 --> 01:22:48,440
Stop. Stop panicking.
1447
01:22:48,440 --> 01:22:51,240
I'm not panicking. I'm pregnant,
I'm panicking! Don't panic.
1448
01:22:51,240 --> 01:22:52,880
None of you panic.
1449
01:22:52,880 --> 01:22:54,640
Absolutely no reason to panic.
1450
01:22:54,640 --> 01:22:58,600
Oh, and you'd know, of course! Yes, I would.
You're already the best parents in the world,
1451
01:22:58,600 --> 01:23:01,120
look at all the practice
you've had. What practice?
1452
01:23:01,120 --> 01:23:05,040
Well, you're hardly going to need me around
now that you've got a real baby on the way.
1453
01:23:12,680 --> 01:23:14,720
Are you all right? Yeah!
1454
01:23:21,440 --> 01:23:24,600
Dance. Hmm?
Both of you now, go, dance.
1455
01:23:24,600 --> 01:23:27,880
We can't just stand here, people will
wonder what we're talking about. Right.
1456
01:23:27,880 --> 01:23:29,120
Well, what about you?
1457
01:23:29,120 --> 01:23:32,560
Yeah, we can't all three dance, there
are limits. Yes, there are. Ahem.
1458
01:23:32,560 --> 01:23:34,440
Come on, husband, let's go.
1459
01:23:34,440 --> 01:23:36,480
This isn't a waltz, is it? No.
1460
01:23:36,480 --> 01:23:38,200
Don't worry,
I have been tutoring him.
1461
01:23:38,200 --> 01:23:41,880
He did, you know. Baker Street, behind closed curtains.
Mrs Hudson came in one time.
1462
01:23:41,880 --> 01:23:44,040
I don't know how those
rumours started!
1463
01:23:48,280 --> 01:23:50,240
♪ Spinnin' my head around
and taking my body under
1464
01:23:52,320 --> 01:23:54,360
♪ Oh, what a night!
1465
01:23:56,640 --> 01:24:00,440
♪ Oh, what a night!
1466
01:24:10,040 --> 01:24:13,480
♪ Oh, I
1467
01:24:13,480 --> 01:24:17,240
♪ I got a funny feelin'
when she walked
1468
01:24:17,240 --> 01:24:19,280
♪ In the room
1469
01:24:19,280 --> 01:24:21,680
♪ Hey, I
1470
01:24:21,680 --> 01:24:26,400
♪ As I recall it ended much too soon
1471
01:24:28,920 --> 01:24:31,720
♪ Oh, what a night
1472
01:24:31,720 --> 01:24:35,480
♪ Why'd it take so long
to see the light?
1473
01:24:35,480 --> 01:24:40,440
♪ Seemed so wrong
but now it seems so right
1474
01:24:40,440 --> 01:24:44,520
♪ What a lady, what a night
1475
01:24:56,200 --> 01:25:01,960
♪ Oh, I felt a rush like
a rolling ball of thunder
1476
01:25:01,960 --> 01:25:05,640
♪ Spinnin' my head around
and taking my body under
1477
01:25:05,640 --> 01:25:08,600
♪ Oh, what a night!
1478
01:25:10,120 --> 01:25:13,640
♪ Oh, what a night!
1479
01:25:15,160 --> 01:25:16,520
♪ Oh, what a night... ♪
111186
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