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ckhunter
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Hello, Viv! Hello. She sounds like a monster.
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Oh, I know, I won't vote for her, she's horrific.
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Are you with me?
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CHEERING
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Our records show you may not have leave to remain.
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They're taking him away?
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They're flying me out at 7am.
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You can't deport someone in a single day!
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Ho-ho, your little world.
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Hello, Bethany speaking.
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Oh, my God! I had it implanted. My hand is the phone!
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You were exposed to one gray of radiation.
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I think you might have ten years.
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This programme contains some strong language
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Go on, Vivienne! You did it.
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Stephen, how much did you lose?
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£1,135,000.
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Let me in!
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Where are you going to live?
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Welcome home.
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Just look at the state we are in.
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Christmas has been ruined for so many hard-working families.
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The collapse of the banks goes on and on.
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Now they say Hathersage is in trouble.
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For God's sake, my mother has got her life savings in Hathersage.
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But they've done it, haven't they, the banks?
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They've left us completely BLEEP.
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We've told you before, you really can't use language like that.
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Well, you can censor me all you like,
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but they swear, don't you?
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All of you.
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When you think of what the system has done to us,
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don't you swear the roof down?
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What do we do, the rest of us normal people? What do we do?
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Normal people? You're a Member of Parliament.
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You're supposed to have the answer.
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I think I have, I've got exactly that,
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because next year we face a general election and, God knows,
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we need to shake things up, don't you think?
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So I propose, in order to vote,
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every British citizen must take an IQ test.
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What?
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You can't say that!
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Oh, she's brilliant.
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I said you'd like it.
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If you score above 70, you can vote. Simple as that.
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Oh, she is outrageous.
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70's quite low. It's not that bad.
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Are you saying that some people are too stupid to vote?
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No. That's what YOU say,
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millions of you, at work, at home, in the pub,
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you say, "Take away the vote."
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You say it, Dan. All the time.
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That was you and Brexit, nonstop.
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You say things are too complicated and people are not clever enough.
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HE SPEAKS UKRAINIAN
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And you said it, Steve. I heard you. You said it last week.
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STEVE: Oh, right. It's all my fault.
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Some of us have work to do. Excuse me! I'm working!
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But he's doing actual, physical work.
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You want another cup of tea? No.
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Like it or not, she's got a point. People are thick.
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Hold on. Would you ban me?
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Not if you passed the test.
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Oh, my God! You'd ban me!
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Edith, I don't get it. I thought you were the great anarchist.
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Well, that's Vivienne Rook. She's ripping up democracy. I love it.
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Hold on, though. This isn't real. This isn't legal.
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She's only one MP. She can't actually do it.
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Hey, one more thing about next year, dad's birthday, his 70th.
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So?
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How is that relevant?
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Oh, my God. Is he 70?
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He's still living in Leicester, which isn't far. Just saying.
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2026, let the people decide,
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but only the clever ones.
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SIMON MCCOY: The shock from the banking crisis continues,
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with Moody's reducing the UK credit rating to A2.
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Panic in the City as Kleiman Ajax has been declared bankrupt.
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Consequences for the pharmaceutical industry will be enormous.
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Can't get the drugs. Ordinary drugs, you can't get them.
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Ruby takes Clobazam for her epilepsy.
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The chemist says, "We're out of stock. Come back in six weeks."
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The emergency election in France has seen a 30% swing to the right.
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We were going to get Viktor into France.
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Not any more.
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Now they deport anyone without a visa.
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HE SPEAKS UKRAINIAN
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In anticipation of the general election,
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the government has employed 10,000 data sweepers
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to monitor Russian interference. Hello.
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Hi, there, Bethany. I'm Lucie.
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I like your phone.
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THEY LAUGH HYSTERICALLY
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Link, radio off, call Viktor.
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Calling Viktor.
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TABLET RINGS
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Link, try again.
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TABLET RINGS
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Link, send text to Viktor.
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Hey, comma, get up, you lazy bastard, full stop.
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Emoji kiss, emoji wink... emoji erect penis, send.
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Link, try Viktor one more time.
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Calling Viktor.
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TABLET RINGS
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Viktor linked.
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Listen, I was thinking I could come out to see you on the 1st and...
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Viktor, is that you?
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Vik, are you there? Hello?
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Hello.
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I said, hello.
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Hello, can you hear me?
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Ah.
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HE SPEAKS UKRAINIAN
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I'm not... I don't...
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HE CONTINUES TO SPEAK UKRAINIAN
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I'm sorry, but I can't speak.. Erm...
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You called, Skype here, yes?
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Yes. Viktor Goraya.
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You called Viktor Goraya, yes?
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Daniel Lyons is you?
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Yes. You know Viktor Goraya.
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He's my friend...
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..and I'm calling him, which I'm allowed to do.
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I haven't done anything wrong and neither has he.
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Where is he?
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HE SPEAKS UKRAINIAN
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It's you, huh?
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Hello, sir.
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HE SPEAKS UKRAINIAN
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Do you pay him, Englishman? No.
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He's your bitch.
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Shit.
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I don't know but they were the police.
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Well, it was a uniform.
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Look, I've been out there.
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They were proper policemen.
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I'm looking for Viktor.
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Viktor Goraya.
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Erm...
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HE TRIES TO SPEAK UKRAINIAN
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No, I won't be coming into work today. We need you.
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No, I'm sorry, I just can't, sorry, no.
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He passed his Rule 35 assessment IN the UK.
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So who do I speak to?
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My name is Daniel Lyons. I work for Manchester City Council.
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I need some help... For God's sake!
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Sorry, not you.
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So the police said, "Give us his name," but if I do that
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and they say, "Who are you?" and I say, "I'm his boyfriend,"
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what if they pass that on?
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Cos that's like evidence, isn't it? So what do I do?
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I mean, what do I do? I mean, really...what do I do?
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PHONE RINGS Hello.
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Hello!
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It's me. I'm safe. I'm OK.
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I'm sorry. Oh, my God!
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Are you all right? Fine.
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Where are you? I got away.
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Are you all right? I'm fine. I'm fine. I'm with Roman.
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I ran so fast I didn't have my phone, but I'm OK.
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I promise.
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Turns out he's in Odessa.
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Literally had two minutes' warning. Ran before the police arrived,
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left everything behind, got on a bus,
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this clickety-clackety bus type thing,
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no suspension, overland, nine hours later,
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Odessa, thank you very much.
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I don't even know where that is.
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Is he safe though, is he OK?
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He's got this mate, Roman,
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he says Viktor can hide there for a bit, so...
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I'm sorry. Thanks, sweetheart, thank you.
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Hi, Lizzie. Hello.
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Has he actually broken the law?
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Well, no, technically. Technically, no.
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But the Communist Party applied to make same-sex relationships illegal,
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or you can't express homosexuality.
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That's the phrase, you can't express it.
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They tried to do that back in 2016.
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Now this is the Communist Party, this isn't a bunch of nutters,
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this is the people's party and they applied again, in 2019,
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and, this year, third time lucky,
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so, yeah, any day now, he's a criminal.
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PHONE BLEEPS
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Oh, I've got to go, mate, got to go.
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Delivering a parcel to Whalley Range. Sorry.
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So what are you going to do?
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Well, we've got to get him out, we've got to get him into a country
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that grants asylum but, to do that, he's got to cross the border.
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You mean illegally? Yeah.
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And how dangerous is that?
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Very.
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So we'll have to do it illegally.
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God knows how, but I've got to get him over the border and out.
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Oh, my God! That's amazing.
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Give him my love! Good luck.
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I'm sorry but I'm running out of ways to say, "Oh, my God."
200
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Odessa's by the sea. I think it's a really nice place to live.
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Do you think he sends Viktor money? Oh, I know he does.
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Right, I'm late, I'm off.
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Bloody nerve, calling me in at half term. I bet it's trouble!
204
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I was thinking, Lee's spending the day with his little mate, Craig.
205
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I could take Lincoln out.
206
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There's this Chinese ceramics thing on at the Whitworth,
207
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then we could go see Toy Story Resurrection.
208
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You know Woody gets burnt to death?
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Don't go giving him nightmares.
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Right, behave.
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There's a good boy.
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And you, metal head, bye-bye!
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Bye.
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What do you think? Nice little adventure with your auntie?
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There. Gorgeous. OK, don't tell your mum and I'll give you ten quid.
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Who's a beautiful girl? What do you want to be called?
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Susie. OK, Susie, off we go.
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Whoa. Now we can have an adventure, you and me,
219
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but it's a secret from everyone else.
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So if I say the word "diamond", you say, "I want to go to the toilet."
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Like, oh, what a pretty diamond.
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I want to go to the toilet.
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I'd love to have a diamond.
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I want to go to the toilet.
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Someone please buy me a diamond.
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I want to go to the toilet.
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I wish I had a diamond.
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I want to go to the toilet.
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Very, very, very good...
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..Susie.
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Hello.
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That's your bring your daughter to work activity pack.
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Aren't you gorgeous? What's your name?
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Susie.
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Welcome to Wytel, Susie.
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So just pretend you're very, very sad.
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Hello, I'm Holly. I'm in charge of the daughters' playgroup.
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I've not seen you before, have I?
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No, it's all this hot desking.
240
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I normally, sort of, work over there.
241
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This is Susie. She's a bit sad at the moment because her father,
242
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you know, let's not get into it! The buffoon!
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So be nice to her.
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Oh, of course I will.
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Now then, Susie, I've got some nice soft play.
246
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Would you like to come and meet the others?
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There now, Susie,
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I must say, you look like a right little diamond!
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I want to go to the toilet.
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Oh, right then. Off we go.
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Well done! Good girl!
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Just like the old days.
253
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This is the last time. See you next week.
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You suit those ribbons. Can I keep them?
255
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I don't see why not.
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I spent a week working for Harpoons
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but, to be honest, I thought their standards weren't that high.
258
00:12:45,600 --> 00:12:48,720
They were a bit imprecise, which is deadly in this job.
259
00:12:48,720 --> 00:12:52,080
So I thought I'd go and work for Beckindole's, best careers in town.
260
00:12:52,080 --> 00:12:53,800
I've got a clean driving licence,
261
00:12:53,800 --> 00:12:56,320
so I can work the vans or the bikes, whatever you want.
262
00:12:56,320 --> 00:12:58,520
Well, for a start, you're not couriers.
263
00:12:58,520 --> 00:13:00,360
We call you lifestyle enhancers
264
00:13:00,360 --> 00:13:03,720
because you make people's life feel better. Do you get it?
265
00:13:03,720 --> 00:13:07,000
Yeah, works for me. Right, standard rules.
266
00:13:07,000 --> 00:13:08,640
50 pence a parcel.
267
00:13:08,640 --> 00:13:11,720
If any parcel takes longer than 60 minutes to deliver
268
00:13:11,720 --> 00:13:13,040
you won't be paid.
269
00:13:13,040 --> 00:13:16,080
No holiday, no sick pay, no argument.
270
00:13:16,080 --> 00:13:20,320
You'll pay Beckindole £1.50 a day insurance if you're on the van,
271
00:13:20,320 --> 00:13:21,560
£1 if you're on the bike,
272
00:13:21,560 --> 00:13:25,400
and the £1 charge applies even on days off.
273
00:13:25,400 --> 00:13:27,200
You're a bit overqualified, aren't you?
274
00:13:27,200 --> 00:13:30,000
Oh, well, I suppose I've wasted my time a little bit.
275
00:13:30,000 --> 00:13:32,920
Yeah, you're not the only one. I've got tons of you these days.
276
00:13:32,920 --> 00:13:35,080
Neil, over there, went to Oxford.
277
00:13:35,080 --> 00:13:36,480
Studied astrology.
278
00:13:36,480 --> 00:13:38,680
Doesn't help him cycle any faster, does it?
279
00:13:38,680 --> 00:13:41,160
No, no, I don't suppose it does, astronomy.
280
00:13:41,160 --> 00:13:43,000
But never mind.
281
00:13:43,000 --> 00:13:45,160
So what did you do before?
282
00:13:45,160 --> 00:13:47,480
Oh, banking.
283
00:13:47,480 --> 00:13:49,000
Oh, those bastards.
284
00:13:49,000 --> 00:13:51,040
I know, bastards.
285
00:13:51,040 --> 00:13:53,600
Look what they've done to us.
286
00:13:53,600 --> 00:13:57,640
I hated it, I'm glad to be out.
287
00:14:12,520 --> 00:14:15,360
So what do I do, just pull the string? Mm-hm.
288
00:14:20,680 --> 00:14:23,720
You...you can't let school kids have this. They'll be scarred!
289
00:14:23,720 --> 00:14:26,520
We trust them with knives and forks. This is much the same.
290
00:14:29,080 --> 00:14:32,160
Not too hot, not too cold. That's why they're calling it
291
00:14:32,160 --> 00:14:35,000
Goldilocks Clean Meat,
292
00:14:35,000 --> 00:14:36,320
completely artificial,
293
00:14:36,320 --> 00:14:38,600
grown in a laboratory.
294
00:14:38,600 --> 00:14:40,520
It's so far removed from the original animal,
295
00:14:40,520 --> 00:14:42,080
they're saying it's fit for vegans.
296
00:14:42,080 --> 00:14:44,200
Grown how? What does it look like?
297
00:14:44,200 --> 00:14:46,320
They're called bolts, bolts of meat.
298
00:14:46,320 --> 00:14:49,560
Like those things in kebabs shops, but enormous.
299
00:14:49,560 --> 00:14:51,360
Well, I do love kebabs.
300
00:14:54,680 --> 00:14:58,080
Damn. Injected with saltless salt.
301
00:14:58,080 --> 00:15:00,240
Oh, my God! It's delicious.
302
00:15:01,560 --> 00:15:03,160
That's bad news, that.
303
00:15:03,160 --> 00:15:05,000
Mm, God, it's nice, isn't it?
304
00:15:05,000 --> 00:15:06,440
Mm.
305
00:15:06,440 --> 00:15:09,040
They haven't cracked salad yet. We still need staff for that.
306
00:15:09,040 --> 00:15:11,560
I've done the sums. We need four.
307
00:15:11,560 --> 00:15:14,000
Four people? Mm-hm, I think so.
308
00:15:14,000 --> 00:15:16,960
Well, I've got a staff of ten, so who's going to go?
309
00:15:16,960 --> 00:15:19,440
Beverley. Who else?
310
00:15:19,440 --> 00:15:21,560
Rosie, I've got to lose £200,000.
311
00:15:21,560 --> 00:15:23,680
It's the same every time. The banks collapse,
312
00:15:23,680 --> 00:15:26,880
the government bails them out, so they take money off us.
313
00:15:26,880 --> 00:15:30,160
I'm sorry, but six of the catering staff will have to go.
314
00:15:30,160 --> 00:15:32,440
Including all managerial posts.
315
00:15:32,440 --> 00:15:34,800
But that's me. You mean me?
316
00:15:34,800 --> 00:15:37,440
The Goldilocks system doesn't need skills at your level.
317
00:15:37,440 --> 00:15:38,600
I've got two kids.
318
00:15:38,600 --> 00:15:41,840
We need to restructure. I can give you till Easter.
319
00:15:41,840 --> 00:15:44,400
That's plenty of notice for you to have a look around
320
00:15:44,400 --> 00:15:46,120
and try other avenues.
321
00:15:56,320 --> 00:15:59,160
Here come the dinner ladies! All right, girls?
322
00:15:59,160 --> 00:16:03,040
It's my big farewell, before I'm replaced by a bolt of vegan meat.
323
00:16:03,040 --> 00:16:06,400
We've got food and booze and music and it didn't cost me a penny
324
00:16:06,400 --> 00:16:08,640
cos it's my big, gay brother's birthday.
325
00:16:08,640 --> 00:16:11,560
He's paying for the whole thing.
326
00:16:11,560 --> 00:16:13,040
You'll like him, Eric! Whoo!
327
00:16:13,040 --> 00:16:14,160
Come on, then.
328
00:16:14,160 --> 00:16:19,000
Hey, lads. Hi, Stephen. Hey, how are you? All right? Thanks for coming.
329
00:16:19,000 --> 00:16:22,120
This is really nice of you. Oh, well, it's my brother's idea.
330
00:16:22,120 --> 00:16:26,200
Yeah, that's him, over there. Yeah, that's Dan, with the muscles.
331
00:16:26,200 --> 00:16:29,120
Yeah, he's 37 today, so he said, "Let's have a blow out."
332
00:16:29,120 --> 00:16:31,640
Oh, this is the long-suffering.
333
00:16:31,640 --> 00:16:33,680
Celeste, this is Pete from work.
334
00:16:33,680 --> 00:16:36,400
That doesn't help. You've got about five jobs. Which one?
335
00:16:36,400 --> 00:16:39,720
The couriers, yeah! Best courier team in South Manchester.
336
00:16:39,720 --> 00:16:43,560
That's Stan and Alif and Elaine and John.
337
00:16:43,560 --> 00:16:46,520
He works harder than anyone, your husband. He puts us to shame.
338
00:16:46,520 --> 00:16:49,800
Oh, I'm doing three jobs myself, but I bet he didn't mention that.
339
00:16:49,800 --> 00:16:53,120
We need the money! I'm the man who lost a million quid, remember?
340
00:16:53,120 --> 00:16:55,240
How can we forget?
341
00:16:55,240 --> 00:16:56,640
We can try.
342
00:16:58,000 --> 00:17:00,400
Oh, brilliant. That's great.
343
00:17:00,400 --> 00:17:03,160
Oh, there's a perfect space at the back. I want you to play loud.
344
00:17:03,160 --> 00:17:04,520
Oh, I can do loud.
345
00:17:04,520 --> 00:17:07,600
We did Glastonbury and Ralph McTell complained.
346
00:17:07,600 --> 00:17:09,480
We're OK, aren't we?
347
00:17:09,480 --> 00:17:12,240
I mean this plan, it is going to work, isn't it?
348
00:17:13,440 --> 00:17:15,960
I hope so. Fingers crossed, yeah.
349
00:17:15,960 --> 00:17:18,360
Yeah, yeah, all right.
350
00:17:19,560 --> 00:17:21,440
All right.
351
00:17:23,240 --> 00:17:24,680
Oh, Lizzie, this is my Auntie Edith,
352
00:17:24,680 --> 00:17:26,480
the one that works for those charities.
353
00:17:26,480 --> 00:17:29,040
Lizzie did that research for you. On Wytel Industries?
354
00:17:29,040 --> 00:17:31,400
Oh, yeah, thanks, Lizzie, it really helped, thank you.
355
00:17:31,400 --> 00:17:32,960
It was for this fundraising thing.
356
00:17:32,960 --> 00:17:35,800
They're going bust now, Wytel, did you hear?
357
00:17:35,800 --> 00:17:39,120
There's some sort of big scandal. It was on the news this morning.
358
00:17:39,120 --> 00:17:41,760
Oh, is that right? Erm, actually I forgot...
359
00:17:41,760 --> 00:17:43,840
..that thing. I'll see you later.
360
00:17:43,840 --> 00:17:46,120
Oh, it's so good of you to come.
361
00:17:46,120 --> 00:17:48,720
I've driven past this house. I always wondered what it was like.
362
00:17:48,720 --> 00:17:51,720
Come on, have a look. Viktor says hello and thank you.
363
00:17:51,720 --> 00:17:54,320
The work you did with that petition was amazing.
364
00:17:54,320 --> 00:17:56,320
Dan's going a bit nuts, isn't he?
365
00:17:56,320 --> 00:17:57,880
Just a little bit.
366
00:17:57,880 --> 00:18:00,440
His head's going to go Hong Sha if he doesn't calm down.
367
00:18:00,440 --> 00:18:03,400
That's what they say now, Hong Sha, kaboom.
368
00:18:03,400 --> 00:18:06,160
Do you remember when Hong Sha went off? We all said,
369
00:18:06,160 --> 00:18:08,520
"Oh, the whole world has changed.
370
00:18:09,920 --> 00:18:11,960
"Things will never be the same."
371
00:18:11,960 --> 00:18:14,440
Hardly gets mentioned any more.
372
00:18:14,440 --> 00:18:18,400
Well, except the consequences of that ruined my entire life.
373
00:18:18,400 --> 00:18:20,120
I know, darling.
374
00:18:20,120 --> 00:18:22,720
Eric, you need lots of pepper.
375
00:18:22,720 --> 00:18:25,640
Coleslaw is all about the pepper.
376
00:18:25,640 --> 00:18:27,200
You just brought us here to work.
377
00:18:27,200 --> 00:18:28,640
Correct. Get on with it.
378
00:18:28,640 --> 00:18:31,600
Gran, why does my signal keep cutting out?
379
00:18:31,600 --> 00:18:35,200
Oh, go on to Signor Two! That works, for some reason.
380
00:18:35,200 --> 00:18:37,240
Thank you.
381
00:18:37,240 --> 00:18:39,280
So what's this new job of hers?
382
00:18:39,280 --> 00:18:42,400
Charity stuff. She used to help them out in the field, and now she does
383
00:18:42,400 --> 00:18:45,400
it in cities. She goes into boardrooms and asks them for money.
384
00:18:45,400 --> 00:18:47,960
It just seems so calm for Edith.
385
00:18:47,960 --> 00:18:52,880
She was always chaining herself to railings and burning things down.
386
00:18:52,880 --> 00:18:54,840
I'm strangely disappointed.
387
00:18:56,120 --> 00:18:58,840
Lincoln likes those little ribbons.
388
00:18:58,840 --> 00:19:00,440
It's not a problem, is it?
389
00:19:00,440 --> 00:19:03,240
He looks very pretty.
390
00:19:03,240 --> 00:19:05,880
TABLET: Well, I doubt that Wytel knew what they were doing
391
00:19:05,880 --> 00:19:08,040
but the leaked document spells it out.
392
00:19:08,040 --> 00:19:11,800
Wytel supplied equipment to MBJM who sent it to Damascus,
393
00:19:11,800 --> 00:19:15,280
where it was used to build Syria's concentration camps.
394
00:19:15,280 --> 00:19:17,000
And to return to the headlines.
395
00:19:17,000 --> 00:19:20,080
The Prime Minister has confirmed the date of the general election
396
00:19:20,080 --> 00:19:22,840
as Thursday the 7th of May.
397
00:19:22,840 --> 00:19:25,520
We asked MPs for their reaction.
398
00:19:25,520 --> 00:19:28,000
I am delighted.
399
00:19:28,000 --> 00:19:30,240
At last, let the fight begin.
400
00:19:31,560 --> 00:19:34,200
Right, food's up. We have beef burgers,
401
00:19:34,200 --> 00:19:38,200
hot dogs, proper sausages, veggie burgers,
402
00:19:38,200 --> 00:19:40,360
and this is the latest thing,
403
00:19:40,360 --> 00:19:42,160
it's orange burger,
404
00:19:42,160 --> 00:19:43,720
made out of orange peel.
405
00:19:46,200 --> 00:19:48,640
Those two, you don't think...?
406
00:19:48,640 --> 00:19:51,200
Do you? I don't know.
407
00:19:51,200 --> 00:19:54,880
No. I think Beth's just being 14.
408
00:19:54,880 --> 00:19:58,200
She was never 14, she's just got a crush, that's all.
409
00:19:58,200 --> 00:19:59,920
However...
410
00:19:59,920 --> 00:20:02,600
Oh, my God, I thought so too. Do you know, I never know with Edith?
411
00:20:02,600 --> 00:20:06,120
Trust me, she's tried everything,
412
00:20:06,120 --> 00:20:07,960
all those years at sea.
413
00:20:17,520 --> 00:20:20,480
I tried telling my mum. She doesn't understand.
414
00:20:20,480 --> 00:20:22,400
I mean, she won't understand.
415
00:20:22,400 --> 00:20:24,080
She refuses.
416
00:20:24,080 --> 00:20:26,680
My mum and dad, they're like, haven't you grown out of that yet?
417
00:20:26,680 --> 00:20:28,320
I said, "Mum, you should look online.
418
00:20:28,320 --> 00:20:29,880
"You should see Richard Albright."
419
00:20:29,880 --> 00:20:31,320
He's got a wafer in his head.
420
00:20:31,320 --> 00:20:33,200
He can print his thoughts.
421
00:20:36,360 --> 00:20:39,760
How far would you go, Beth, to be trans-human?
422
00:20:40,960 --> 00:20:42,760
It's like, sometimes,
423
00:20:42,760 --> 00:20:45,480
I think my lungs fill with up with air
424
00:20:45,480 --> 00:20:49,240
and it goes in and out like some sort of bellows, and it feels so...
425
00:20:49,240 --> 00:20:51,560
..thick.
426
00:20:51,560 --> 00:20:54,840
We could be so much better than this. We could be free.
427
00:20:54,840 --> 00:20:56,520
We could be flying.
428
00:20:56,520 --> 00:20:58,440
We should be wavelengths in the air.
429
00:20:59,680 --> 00:21:02,640
How much money have you got?
430
00:21:02,640 --> 00:21:04,200
Why?
431
00:21:04,200 --> 00:21:06,440
Tell me how much.
432
00:21:06,440 --> 00:21:09,360
My dad gave me 10,000 for my 18th. Even when we lost everything,
433
00:21:09,360 --> 00:21:12,800
he said, "That's yours. Hold on to it!"
434
00:21:12,800 --> 00:21:14,880
Cos I did it, Beth.
435
00:21:14,880 --> 00:21:16,360
I contacted that woman.
436
00:21:16,360 --> 00:21:19,680
I spoke to her, I actually spoke to her and she said we'd be perfect.
437
00:21:19,680 --> 00:21:21,200
Oh, my God.
438
00:21:21,200 --> 00:21:22,680
You could pay for us both.
439
00:21:24,720 --> 00:21:26,360
Would you do it?
440
00:21:26,360 --> 00:21:27,720
Would you?
441
00:21:33,840 --> 00:21:36,880
UPBEAT MUSIC Woo!
442
00:21:36,880 --> 00:21:38,480
I want to see you all dancing.
443
00:21:38,480 --> 00:21:41,960
Hey-hey.
444
00:21:41,960 --> 00:21:45,360
# Tonight Tonight's the wedding feast
445
00:21:45,360 --> 00:21:48,880
# The men arriving with the slaughtered beast
446
00:21:48,880 --> 00:21:52,400
# A wail, a chant soon fills the air
447
00:21:52,400 --> 00:21:56,720
# For miles around the people cheer
448
00:21:56,720 --> 00:21:59,880
# Mama Thembu's getting married here tonight
449
00:21:59,880 --> 00:22:03,560
# All the spirits looking happy, red and bright
450
00:22:03,560 --> 00:22:07,120
# Mama Thembu's getting married here tonight
451
00:22:07,120 --> 00:22:11,200
# The bones are thrown and Mama's path is shining bright
452
00:22:11,200 --> 00:22:14,520
# Ela gqirha laqgitha laqabela phaya
453
00:22:14,520 --> 00:22:17,800
# Ela gqirha laqgitha laqabela phaya... #
454
00:22:17,800 --> 00:22:19,680
SHE SHOUTS IN RHYTHM WITH THE BAND
455
00:22:24,000 --> 00:22:25,760
Thank you. Thank you, isn't she amazing?
456
00:22:25,760 --> 00:22:27,320
Miss Fran Baxter, everyone.
457
00:22:30,920 --> 00:22:33,200
Er, OK, just a couple of things.
458
00:22:33,200 --> 00:22:36,520
Happy birthday to me, obviously.
459
00:22:36,520 --> 00:22:40,600
Don't start singing, not yet, hold on. I'm 25 today.
460
00:22:40,600 --> 00:22:43,040
But first of all, I just want to say thank you
461
00:22:43,040 --> 00:22:46,720
on behalf of someone who can't be here tonight, Viktor Goraya.
462
00:22:46,720 --> 00:22:48,600
Oh, here we go.
463
00:22:48,600 --> 00:22:52,720
So many of you, well, everyone, you've all been so kind.
464
00:22:52,720 --> 00:22:54,960
He means you. I'm the best.
465
00:22:54,960 --> 00:22:56,920
I know it has been months of worry and petitions,
466
00:22:56,920 --> 00:22:59,360
you all wrote letters and things, you've all been amazing,
467
00:22:59,360 --> 00:23:02,720
but he was trapped in a country that denies his existence...
468
00:23:04,000 --> 00:23:06,480
..until Thursday night.
469
00:23:06,480 --> 00:23:09,640
Er, because Thursday night Viktor left Odessa
470
00:23:09,640 --> 00:23:12,080
and he went to Ternopil.
471
00:23:12,080 --> 00:23:13,920
At midnight, he got into a lorry and
472
00:23:13,920 --> 00:23:16,920
they crossed the border at Krakovets, successfully.
473
00:23:16,920 --> 00:23:18,400
CHEERING
474
00:23:18,400 --> 00:23:21,640
Got into Poland, ten hours, down through Germany,
475
00:23:21,640 --> 00:23:24,120
still too dangerous, stopped near Stuttgart
476
00:23:24,120 --> 00:23:27,880
and they got from that lorry into another lorry.
477
00:23:27,880 --> 00:23:29,280
Thanks, Siobhan.
478
00:23:29,280 --> 00:23:31,400
From there, through France.
479
00:23:33,640 --> 00:23:35,400
I know, I know, I know.
480
00:23:35,400 --> 00:23:37,720
Onwards, down to Spain.
481
00:23:37,720 --> 00:23:38,760
DRUM HIT
482
00:23:40,880 --> 00:23:43,600
Thank you. He crossed the border
483
00:23:43,600 --> 00:23:46,040
and he did it, he got there.
484
00:23:46,040 --> 00:23:47,920
CHEERING
485
00:23:47,920 --> 00:23:49,960
And that was today.
486
00:23:49,960 --> 00:23:53,040
And he's surrendered himself to the Spanish authorities
487
00:23:53,040 --> 00:23:56,440
and they arrested him, but that was the plan.
488
00:23:56,440 --> 00:24:01,400
Socialist Spain, they arrested him, he applies for asylum,
489
00:24:01,400 --> 00:24:03,080
they won't deport him.
490
00:24:03,080 --> 00:24:06,720
What I'm saying is, well, he did it.
491
00:24:06,720 --> 00:24:09,880
He's safe. He's there!
492
00:24:09,880 --> 00:24:11,520
WILD CHEERING
493
00:24:11,520 --> 00:24:15,720
I know this for a fact because, because, because...
494
00:24:15,720 --> 00:24:17,640
Here he is!
495
00:24:21,440 --> 00:24:24,640
MUSIC: Mama Tembu's Wedding by Margaret Singana
496
00:24:56,280 --> 00:24:58,240
All right, thanks.
497
00:25:05,400 --> 00:25:10,040
My name is Daniel Lyons and I have booked the conjugal suite.
498
00:25:11,320 --> 00:25:13,920
SPANISH TRANSLATION APP: Mi nombre es Daniel Lyons.
499
00:25:13,920 --> 00:25:15,760
Ha reservado la suite conyugal.
500
00:25:15,760 --> 00:25:17,680
First door on the right.
501
00:25:19,720 --> 00:25:22,000
Thanks.
502
00:25:31,920 --> 00:25:33,960
There you are.
503
00:25:33,960 --> 00:25:35,760
Hey.
504
00:25:37,640 --> 00:25:39,120
Look at this room.
505
00:25:50,840 --> 00:25:54,280
God. Hello.
506
00:25:54,280 --> 00:25:56,400
Hi.
507
00:26:05,600 --> 00:26:08,200
So what they've done now is this.
508
00:26:08,200 --> 00:26:10,560
Beckindole won't let me drive across Manchester
509
00:26:10,560 --> 00:26:12,120
because of the congestion charge,
510
00:26:12,120 --> 00:26:15,560
so I have to pick things up from the depot on my bike,
511
00:26:15,560 --> 00:26:18,640
large or small, doesn't matter, I have to carry them on my bike
512
00:26:18,640 --> 00:26:22,520
out of the congestion zone to a designated Beckindole car park
513
00:26:22,520 --> 00:26:25,320
full of Beckindole vans.
514
00:26:25,320 --> 00:26:27,640
I'm not allowed to use my own van, even if I had one,
515
00:26:27,640 --> 00:26:32,280
in case I build my own business in my spare time,
516
00:26:32,280 --> 00:26:35,800
so I can only use Beckindole vans, and I'm allocated one
517
00:26:35,800 --> 00:26:39,720
and I go to deliver my parcel, leave my bike, God knows where,
518
00:26:39,720 --> 00:26:42,320
because I'm not allowed to put it in the van.
519
00:26:42,320 --> 00:26:46,440
£7.60 an hour, except I only get £3.90 because I'm new,
520
00:26:46,440 --> 00:26:48,560
so I'm classified as an apprentice.
521
00:26:48,560 --> 00:26:50,680
So what are the five jobs?
522
00:26:50,680 --> 00:26:53,200
Celeste said you had five.
523
00:26:53,200 --> 00:26:56,880
Don't use her name. Not here! That's not fair.
524
00:26:59,840 --> 00:27:04,280
Delivery, courier, hospitality, pizza, and...
525
00:27:04,280 --> 00:27:07,760
Er, drug tests! I'm a guinea pig.
526
00:27:09,320 --> 00:27:12,560
The gig economy, that's me.
527
00:27:12,560 --> 00:27:15,640
And what does she do?
528
00:27:15,640 --> 00:27:17,800
Book-keeping.
529
00:27:19,160 --> 00:27:21,840
She used to have a staff of 25,
530
00:27:21,840 --> 00:27:24,400
now she does the budgets for local primary schools.
531
00:27:24,400 --> 00:27:27,120
She never complains.
532
00:27:27,120 --> 00:27:28,480
That pisses me off.
533
00:27:28,480 --> 00:27:33,160
I wish she would complain but, no, I get this monument.
534
00:27:33,160 --> 00:27:35,680
But that house is enormous.
535
00:27:35,680 --> 00:27:38,200
Your gran's. You could sell it, have 100,000 each!
536
00:27:38,200 --> 00:27:40,000
You could all sail through the recession.
537
00:27:40,000 --> 00:27:42,560
Houses don't shift these days. No-one's got any money to spend.
538
00:27:42,560 --> 00:27:44,280
You could try.
539
00:27:44,280 --> 00:27:47,320
The man who lost a million quid.
540
00:27:47,320 --> 00:27:49,920
I lost 20,000, which might be nothing to you,
541
00:27:49,920 --> 00:27:52,240
but it's left me stuck in this place.
542
00:27:52,240 --> 00:27:54,760
Know when you're lucky, Steve.
543
00:27:54,760 --> 00:27:57,400
Did you register this address for the election?
544
00:27:57,400 --> 00:28:00,200
I never got round to it.
545
00:28:00,200 --> 00:28:01,720
But now you can't vote.
546
00:28:01,720 --> 00:28:03,680
What's it matter?
547
00:28:04,960 --> 00:28:06,680
PHONE BUZZES
548
00:28:06,680 --> 00:28:08,800
Missed call.
549
00:28:08,800 --> 00:28:10,240
It's the wife.
550
00:28:10,240 --> 00:28:11,600
Stop it.
551
00:28:12,880 --> 00:28:14,840
Where's 0116?
552
00:28:14,840 --> 00:28:16,480
Leicester, I think.
553
00:29:27,520 --> 00:29:29,280
Hello, Signor.
554
00:29:29,280 --> 00:29:33,160
Family link override, not Muriel, not Celeste.
555
00:29:33,160 --> 00:29:34,720
Thanks. Call.
556
00:29:34,720 --> 00:29:37,160
Family link, Stephen calling.
557
00:29:37,160 --> 00:29:40,440
OK. Hello. Funny time of day.
558
00:29:40,440 --> 00:29:41,960
PHONE RINGS
559
00:29:44,480 --> 00:29:46,760
Hey, can it wait? I'm a little bit busy. Is it important?
560
00:29:46,760 --> 00:29:50,080
Hola, esta nueva Danielo en Madrido.
561
00:29:50,080 --> 00:29:53,560
Hasta la vista, paella, si, si, si.
562
00:29:53,560 --> 00:29:57,280
Er, OK, so I didn't want to wait, so...
563
00:29:58,400 --> 00:29:59,920
..are the kids there, Rosie?
564
00:29:59,920 --> 00:30:01,560
Er, no, why, what is it?
565
00:30:01,560 --> 00:30:05,200
Er, so I got a call, and erm...
566
00:30:05,200 --> 00:30:06,760
..Dad's dead.
567
00:30:08,360 --> 00:30:09,640
No way.
568
00:30:11,040 --> 00:30:12,680
Are you kidding?
569
00:30:12,680 --> 00:30:14,120
No, seriously, it's for real.
570
00:30:14,120 --> 00:30:17,360
No, I made it up, I thought it would be funny.
571
00:30:17,360 --> 00:30:19,200
No, he's dead.
572
00:30:19,200 --> 00:30:20,520
He's gone.
573
00:30:21,840 --> 00:30:24,240
Two days, she said, he's gone.
574
00:30:24,240 --> 00:30:26,400
Who did, Jacqueline?
575
00:30:26,400 --> 00:30:28,720
Yeah, yeah, she phoned me.
576
00:30:28,720 --> 00:30:31,160
Oh, my God, he was only 69.
577
00:30:32,880 --> 00:30:35,200
He never made it to his birthday.
578
00:30:35,200 --> 00:30:37,240
So what happened?
579
00:30:37,240 --> 00:30:38,760
He was hit by a bike.
580
00:30:38,760 --> 00:30:40,720
Sorry!
581
00:30:40,720 --> 00:30:45,800
I mean, a bicycle. She said he was hit by a Rideree bike.
582
00:30:45,800 --> 00:30:47,480
A bike?
583
00:30:47,480 --> 00:30:49,000
Killed him?
584
00:30:49,000 --> 00:30:50,880
Stephen, are you kidding us?
585
00:30:50,880 --> 00:30:52,360
No, the bike didn't kill him.
586
00:30:52,360 --> 00:30:55,040
The bike knocked him over
587
00:30:55,040 --> 00:31:00,160
and he had a scratch on his hand, er, that was all.
588
00:31:00,160 --> 00:31:02,200
This is what Jacqueline said.
589
00:31:02,200 --> 00:31:05,080
Erm, he was fine, he had a scratch,
590
00:31:05,080 --> 00:31:08,440
but that turned into blood poisoning.
591
00:31:08,440 --> 00:31:11,040
Oh, my God. Sepsis.
592
00:31:11,040 --> 00:31:12,200
Yeah.
593
00:31:14,040 --> 00:31:18,680
And they tried all the antibiotics, but they didn't work any more, so...
594
00:31:20,680 --> 00:31:21,920
A scratch on his hand.
595
00:31:23,320 --> 00:31:25,640
He was hit by a bike?
596
00:31:25,640 --> 00:31:27,520
So they took him to hospital,
597
00:31:27,520 --> 00:31:30,840
one o'clock this afternoon...
598
00:31:30,840 --> 00:31:33,360
..organ failure, and gone.
599
00:31:34,920 --> 00:31:37,360
What was he delivering, the bike? Oh, Rosie, don't.
600
00:31:37,360 --> 00:31:38,760
I want to know.
601
00:31:38,760 --> 00:31:43,320
Actually I'd like to know. I mean, was he killed by a chicken vindaloo?
602
00:31:43,320 --> 00:31:45,080
You know what? You lot are horrible.
603
00:31:45,080 --> 00:31:47,560
No, he was horrible, Danny. He was.
604
00:31:47,560 --> 00:31:49,080
Oh, for God's sake.
605
00:31:49,080 --> 00:31:51,240
He slept with someone else and left us -
606
00:31:51,240 --> 00:31:53,280
is it really the worst crime in the world?
607
00:31:53,280 --> 00:31:56,240
Yeah, and then he had a whole second family with Jacqueline,
608
00:31:56,240 --> 00:31:57,760
and did he ever bother with us?
609
00:31:57,760 --> 00:31:59,360
And that's why, Rosie,
610
00:31:59,360 --> 00:32:01,680
because that's how you spoke to him every time.
611
00:32:01,680 --> 00:32:04,840
You can't hate someone and expect him to want to visit, can you?
612
00:32:04,840 --> 00:32:08,000
Oh, nice one, Danny. Now you love him, now he's dead.
613
00:32:08,000 --> 00:32:09,320
Cut the link.
614
00:32:10,880 --> 00:32:12,680
That was a bit hard, Dan.
615
00:32:14,080 --> 00:32:15,480
What a mess.
616
00:32:16,880 --> 00:32:18,760
Hey, I'm sorry.
617
00:32:18,760 --> 00:32:20,160
Yeah, me too.
618
00:32:23,240 --> 00:32:24,600
And me.
619
00:32:28,840 --> 00:32:30,120
You OK?
620
00:32:31,600 --> 00:32:33,080
No.
621
00:33:05,000 --> 00:33:08,160
I'm right though, because look at it from my point of view.
622
00:33:08,160 --> 00:33:11,600
Mum and Dad had Stephen, fine, they had you, fine,
623
00:33:11,600 --> 00:33:14,760
they had Daniel, they had a great, big, gay baby
624
00:33:14,760 --> 00:33:16,120
and they were still fine,
625
00:33:16,120 --> 00:33:18,120
then they had me and Dad buggered off.
626
00:33:18,120 --> 00:33:20,080
If that's not my fault then what is?
627
00:33:20,080 --> 00:33:22,160
But it's not your fault.
628
00:33:22,160 --> 00:33:26,000
I don't mean fault, I just mean there I was and off he went.
629
00:33:26,000 --> 00:33:27,680
Maybe it was just bad timing.
630
00:33:27,680 --> 00:33:30,760
That's when he met Jacqueline, just happened to be then.
631
00:33:30,760 --> 00:33:33,800
Jacqueline, I'll never forget that -
632
00:33:33,800 --> 00:33:36,680
"Don't call me Jackie, my name is Jacqueline."
633
00:33:38,600 --> 00:33:42,160
Which proves my point, cos he wasn't a wanderer.
634
00:33:42,160 --> 00:33:44,640
He stayed with Jacqueline, they had a son and everything.
635
00:33:44,640 --> 00:33:48,920
He was faithful, so the only time he wasn't was when I came along.
636
00:33:51,200 --> 00:33:52,680
It's because he couldn't cope.
637
00:33:54,560 --> 00:33:56,480
I don't know, maybe.
638
00:33:56,480 --> 00:33:57,960
Definitely.
639
00:33:57,960 --> 00:33:59,640
Just too much of a coward.
640
00:34:01,800 --> 00:34:04,120
I just wish I'd asked him,
641
00:34:04,120 --> 00:34:06,280
but I never had anything to say to him really.
642
00:34:06,280 --> 00:34:10,440
Whenever I saw him, I'd just sit there and think,
643
00:34:10,440 --> 00:34:11,800
"What shall I say?"
644
00:34:13,160 --> 00:34:15,120
I had a lot to say.
645
00:34:15,120 --> 00:34:16,480
Too late now.
646
00:34:18,880 --> 00:34:20,520
His loss.
647
00:34:20,520 --> 00:34:22,480
Oh, that's the truth.
648
00:34:22,480 --> 00:34:25,520
I always say, Rosie, shame on him.
649
00:34:27,120 --> 00:34:29,080
Shame on our father's head.
650
00:34:30,320 --> 00:34:31,360
Shame.
651
00:34:32,520 --> 00:34:34,360
As the polls open, it's being called
652
00:34:34,360 --> 00:34:37,240
the most unpredictable general election in living memory.
653
00:34:37,240 --> 00:34:40,040
Tensions are high, with the major parties keeping an eye
654
00:34:40,040 --> 00:34:42,400
on the Four Star Party's wild card vote.
655
00:34:43,440 --> 00:34:46,080
I think I might be a little bit tipsy!
656
00:34:46,080 --> 00:34:49,160
I haven't even voted yet, I'll be squiffy,
657
00:34:49,160 --> 00:34:51,800
I'll probably tick the wrong box!
658
00:34:51,800 --> 00:34:56,040
Vivienne Rook has refused to appear on any terrestrial channel.
659
00:34:56,040 --> 00:34:58,920
She's turned down every interview and every debate,
660
00:34:58,920 --> 00:35:02,280
restricting herself to her own channel, Four Star Live.
661
00:35:02,280 --> 00:35:06,240
But Viv, campaigning isn't allowed on election day.
662
00:35:06,240 --> 00:35:08,920
This isn't a campaign, this is my channel,
663
00:35:08,920 --> 00:35:11,000
this is my home.
664
00:35:16,880 --> 00:35:20,000
This is British wine for British people,
665
00:35:20,000 --> 00:35:23,600
and what it deserves is tax breaks and subsidised transport.
666
00:35:24,800 --> 00:35:26,840
But where will the money come from, Viv?
667
00:35:26,840 --> 00:35:28,320
You can't raise taxes.
668
00:35:28,320 --> 00:35:31,520
I'll impose a tariff on wines from abroad.
669
00:35:31,520 --> 00:35:32,880
Let them pay.
670
00:35:35,200 --> 00:35:37,600
He didn't die for nothing.
671
00:35:37,600 --> 00:35:39,120
He died for us.
672
00:35:39,120 --> 00:35:43,200
Shame on every politician who has ever let our soldiers down.
673
00:35:43,200 --> 00:35:44,680
# Tragedy
674
00:35:44,680 --> 00:35:46,800
# When the feeling's gone and you can't go on
675
00:35:46,800 --> 00:35:48,400
# It's tragedy
676
00:35:48,400 --> 00:35:50,800
# When the morning cries and you don't know why
677
00:35:50,800 --> 00:35:52,560
# It's hard to bear
678
00:35:52,560 --> 00:35:54,640
# With no-one to love you
679
00:35:54,640 --> 00:35:56,720
# You're going nowhere
680
00:35:58,520 --> 00:36:00,120
# Tragedy
681
00:36:00,120 --> 00:36:02,200
# When you lose control and you got no soul
682
00:36:02,200 --> 00:36:03,840
# It's tragedy
683
00:36:03,840 --> 00:36:06,280
# When the morning cries and your heart just dies
684
00:36:06,280 --> 00:36:07,680
# It's hard to bear
685
00:36:07,680 --> 00:36:09,800
# With no-one beside you
686
00:36:09,800 --> 00:36:11,800
# You're going nowhere. #
687
00:36:21,480 --> 00:36:24,040
False facts, every day.
688
00:36:24,040 --> 00:36:25,960
Do you know where you can find the truth?
689
00:36:25,960 --> 00:36:28,560
Right here, Four Star Channel.
690
00:36:28,560 --> 00:36:31,960
God help us. We're the only ones.
691
00:36:34,760 --> 00:36:36,000
Are you done?
692
00:36:36,000 --> 00:36:37,160
You left-wing hippie.
693
00:36:37,160 --> 00:36:38,800
This is nice, like the old days
694
00:36:38,800 --> 00:36:41,280
It's 100 quid if I get it back before midnight.
695
00:36:41,280 --> 00:36:43,440
I love it, us lot in one car.
696
00:36:43,440 --> 00:36:46,240
We never do this. Should have bought sweets.
697
00:36:46,240 --> 00:36:47,480
Leicester, here we come.
698
00:36:47,480 --> 00:36:49,280
I'm just making sure he's dead.
699
00:36:53,080 --> 00:36:54,680
Now you did vote, you two?
700
00:36:54,680 --> 00:36:56,240
Did it by post, last week.
701
00:36:56,240 --> 00:36:57,960
No-one goes and does it by hand any more.
702
00:36:57,960 --> 00:36:59,520
Don't forget your passports.
703
00:36:59,520 --> 00:37:01,080
They're going to Scotland!
704
00:37:01,080 --> 00:37:03,040
Anything could happen in this election.
705
00:37:03,040 --> 00:37:04,760
If your lot get into power,
706
00:37:04,760 --> 00:37:07,240
Scotland could be divorced by midnight.
707
00:37:07,240 --> 00:37:09,040
Then they'll be stranded.
708
00:37:09,040 --> 00:37:11,440
Go, have a lovely time.
709
00:37:11,440 --> 00:37:14,600
Celebrate. It's your grandad's funeral.
710
00:37:14,600 --> 00:37:16,560
This is a very fine day.
711
00:37:16,560 --> 00:37:18,160
Don't listen to her.
712
00:37:18,160 --> 00:37:20,160
Go and have fun.
713
00:37:20,160 --> 00:37:22,600
Edinburgh is beautiful.
714
00:37:22,600 --> 00:37:25,000
Bye, then. See you next week.
715
00:37:26,600 --> 00:37:28,760
Bye, darling.
716
00:37:28,760 --> 00:37:30,960
Oh, my God. They believed us.
717
00:37:30,960 --> 00:37:33,400
They'll understand. When they see in ten days' time
718
00:37:33,400 --> 00:37:37,480
they'll be like, "Oh, my God, that is infinite!"
719
00:37:39,560 --> 00:37:44,440
Destination Liverpool, Imperial B&B, Shiel Road, L6.
720
00:37:44,440 --> 00:37:45,720
Auto drive on.
721
00:37:45,720 --> 00:37:47,520
Thank you. You're welcome.
722
00:37:49,080 --> 00:37:50,600
Bye!
723
00:38:11,320 --> 00:38:12,840
Hey, there.
724
00:38:12,840 --> 00:38:14,160
Hello.
725
00:38:14,160 --> 00:38:15,560
Thanks for coming.
726
00:38:15,560 --> 00:38:18,120
Stephen. Steven.
727
00:38:18,120 --> 00:38:20,040
Killed by a bike.
728
00:38:20,040 --> 00:38:21,440
Shocking.
729
00:38:22,960 --> 00:38:24,640
Poor old Dad.
730
00:38:24,640 --> 00:38:28,560
Come for a drink after. You're very welcome, all of you.
731
00:38:28,560 --> 00:38:31,200
I saw you on the TV with the bomb.
732
00:38:33,320 --> 00:38:35,560
I'll see you later. Stephen.
733
00:38:35,560 --> 00:38:36,600
Steven.
734
00:38:41,840 --> 00:38:45,240
I still maintain it's not legal to call two sons the same name.
735
00:38:45,240 --> 00:38:46,800
He's Steven with a V.
736
00:38:46,800 --> 00:38:49,320
Jacqueline chose Steven with a V after her dad.
737
00:38:49,320 --> 00:38:50,680
You know that.
738
00:38:50,680 --> 00:38:52,080
Jacqueline.
739
00:38:53,120 --> 00:38:54,960
Doesn't feel like a brother.
740
00:38:54,960 --> 00:38:56,720
Half brother, if that.
741
00:38:57,760 --> 00:38:59,320
What does he do these days?
742
00:38:59,320 --> 00:39:01,280
He's a pharmacist.
743
00:39:01,280 --> 00:39:02,840
With a V.
744
00:39:02,840 --> 00:39:05,160
He's a varmacist!
745
00:39:07,280 --> 00:39:11,080
Oh, my God. This isn't the crematorium.
746
00:39:12,040 --> 00:39:16,160
What do you mean? This place isn't a crematorium, it's an aquatorium.
747
00:39:16,160 --> 00:39:20,040
They don't burn him, he gets dissolved.
748
00:39:29,480 --> 00:39:32,880
Bethany Bisme-Lyons. Thank you.
749
00:39:32,880 --> 00:39:35,480
Lizzie Mbeko. Thank you.
750
00:39:35,480 --> 00:39:36,840
If you'd like to get on board
751
00:39:36,840 --> 00:39:39,080
we'll take you across as soon as you are ready.
752
00:39:39,080 --> 00:39:41,880
SHE SPEAKS IN OWN LANGUAGE
753
00:40:22,600 --> 00:40:26,320
It's called alkaline hydrolysis, better for the environment.
754
00:40:26,320 --> 00:40:29,280
We were always green, this side of the family.
755
00:40:29,280 --> 00:40:32,320
Uncle Ted was buried in wicker, on a slope.
756
00:40:32,320 --> 00:40:34,880
So what do they do?
757
00:40:34,880 --> 00:40:37,680
Put the body in a big tube, fill it with water,
758
00:40:37,680 --> 00:40:40,280
heat it up. They boil him?
759
00:40:40,280 --> 00:40:41,800
My God.
760
00:40:41,800 --> 00:40:44,600
Boil in the bag, like sous vide.
761
00:40:47,000 --> 00:40:49,240
Is it worse than burning?
762
00:40:49,240 --> 00:40:52,080
I mean it is, I know, but why?
763
00:40:52,080 --> 00:40:53,400
The eyes.
764
00:40:58,280 --> 00:41:01,080
You dissolve, then you get rinsed.
765
00:41:02,280 --> 00:41:05,200
Then they pour you out into a tub,
766
00:41:05,200 --> 00:41:08,080
you get flushed down the drain,
767
00:41:08,080 --> 00:41:09,480
out to sea -
768
00:41:09,480 --> 00:41:11,040
the end.
769
00:41:17,760 --> 00:41:21,160
The Glenside facility offers alkaline hydrolysis,
770
00:41:21,160 --> 00:41:24,440
the modern alternative to burial or cremation.
771
00:41:24,440 --> 00:41:27,480
The remains of your loved one are broken down into liquid...
772
00:41:38,240 --> 00:41:40,400
Goodbye, Vince.
773
00:41:46,720 --> 00:41:49,040
I tell you what, Jacqueline is true to form.
774
00:41:49,040 --> 00:41:50,640
No money behind the bar.
775
00:41:50,640 --> 00:41:52,160
Any news from the polls?
776
00:41:52,160 --> 00:41:54,960
They're not allowed to say until ten o'clock. Low turnout though.
777
00:41:54,960 --> 00:41:57,360
See, it's like Viv Rook says, people are too thick.
778
00:41:57,360 --> 00:42:01,480
So Steven with a V just told me Dad didn't just work
779
00:42:01,480 --> 00:42:05,560
for that security firm - when he was 55 he put some money in
780
00:42:05,560 --> 00:42:07,960
like 2,000 quid, like shares.
781
00:42:07,960 --> 00:42:09,960
Three years ago, they sold the company,
782
00:42:09,960 --> 00:42:14,400
he got a pay-out, £75,000.
783
00:42:14,400 --> 00:42:16,000
We get none of that.
784
00:42:16,000 --> 00:42:17,480
Nothing.
785
00:42:17,480 --> 00:42:19,120
Here's to Vince.
786
00:42:19,120 --> 00:42:20,960
Yeah, Dad.
787
00:42:20,960 --> 00:42:22,840
To Dad.
788
00:42:22,840 --> 00:42:26,480
Hi, you lot. Famalam. Stephen.
789
00:42:26,480 --> 00:42:29,200
Steven. We were just toasting him.
790
00:42:29,200 --> 00:42:31,600
It's a nice little motor out front, Stephen.
791
00:42:31,600 --> 00:42:33,600
Yeah, it is, Steven, yeah, I like it.
792
00:42:33,600 --> 00:42:35,960
2.2 litre. Yeah.
793
00:42:35,960 --> 00:42:38,480
Well, you always were very smart.
794
00:42:38,480 --> 00:42:42,760
Now, you've all got one of these.
795
00:42:42,760 --> 00:42:45,400
It's just something to remember him by.
796
00:42:47,560 --> 00:42:52,160
We should meet up some time. Go for dinner. That would be nice.
797
00:42:53,760 --> 00:42:56,760
Hey, you were amazing with that bomb, Edith.
798
00:42:56,760 --> 00:42:59,000
Are you all right now?
799
00:42:59,000 --> 00:43:01,920
Not really, no, I'm poisoned.
800
00:43:01,920 --> 00:43:06,400
Oh, well, that is a thing, isn't it?
801
00:43:08,760 --> 00:43:11,760
Well, see you in a bit, Stephen.
802
00:43:11,760 --> 00:43:13,120
Steven.
803
00:43:17,800 --> 00:43:19,400
Oh, my God.
804
00:43:19,400 --> 00:43:22,120
Daddy. That is weird.
805
00:43:22,120 --> 00:43:24,680
Isn't that weird? Is that all that's left?
806
00:43:24,680 --> 00:43:26,600
He looks like tea.
807
00:43:26,600 --> 00:43:29,720
Weak tea. Is that all we are in the end, tea?
808
00:43:29,720 --> 00:43:31,920
Just like scattering the ashes, I suppose.
809
00:43:31,920 --> 00:43:34,400
Can't do this with ashes.
810
00:43:34,400 --> 00:43:35,880
Cheers. Edith!
811
00:43:35,880 --> 00:43:37,040
You can't do that!
812
00:43:37,040 --> 00:43:40,040
It's acid! It's alkaline.
813
00:43:40,040 --> 00:43:41,160
What's he taste like?
814
00:43:41,160 --> 00:43:42,960
Soap. Soap.
815
00:43:42,960 --> 00:43:44,880
Like antiseptic gel.
816
00:43:44,880 --> 00:43:47,200
I can't believe you just did that!
817
00:43:47,200 --> 00:43:48,720
It's my DNA.
818
00:43:48,720 --> 00:43:50,840
We are as one.
819
00:43:50,840 --> 00:43:53,000
Cheers, Jackie.
820
00:43:55,640 --> 00:43:58,360
Why didn't you come home for Mum's funeral?
821
00:43:58,360 --> 00:43:59,840
Don't do that.
822
00:43:59,840 --> 00:44:01,240
Why not?
823
00:44:03,480 --> 00:44:06,000
I was stuck in Canada.
824
00:44:06,000 --> 00:44:07,640
Could have come home.
825
00:44:09,000 --> 00:44:10,640
I didn't want to.
826
00:44:10,640 --> 00:44:12,240
Why not?
827
00:44:13,720 --> 00:44:15,760
Because it was her funeral.
828
00:44:22,800 --> 00:44:26,120
I keep wondering whether she'd be proud of me.
829
00:44:26,120 --> 00:44:28,040
Of course she would.
830
00:44:29,200 --> 00:44:31,480
No job, another kid without his dad,
831
00:44:31,480 --> 00:44:33,120
I don't know if she would.
832
00:44:35,160 --> 00:44:37,600
She was tough, Edith.
833
00:44:37,600 --> 00:44:40,040
She wasn't just nice, she was tough.
834
00:44:40,040 --> 00:44:44,160
And I wonder if she'd think I was mad, with Viktor.
835
00:44:44,160 --> 00:44:46,760
I think she'd be ashamed, some of the things I've done.
836
00:44:46,760 --> 00:44:48,960
You could never do anything wrong.
837
00:44:48,960 --> 00:44:50,480
Oh, trust me.
838
00:44:51,920 --> 00:44:54,320
She'd kill me.
839
00:44:54,320 --> 00:44:56,520
If she knew, she'd kill me.
840
00:45:00,520 --> 00:45:05,840
All that stuff they say about them looking down on you...
841
00:45:05,840 --> 00:45:06,920
..I hope they don't.
842
00:45:30,400 --> 00:45:33,240
Phone call, Bethany Bisme-Lyons.
843
00:45:33,240 --> 00:45:36,560
Oh, Signor, open on link. Link open.
844
00:45:36,560 --> 00:45:39,040
Hello, darling, how is it?
845
00:45:39,040 --> 00:45:40,560
Hoots, mon!
846
00:45:40,560 --> 00:45:43,200
SOBBING Bethany?
847
00:45:43,200 --> 00:45:44,360
Can you hear me?
848
00:45:45,640 --> 00:45:47,360
Beth, are you all right?
849
00:45:48,840 --> 00:45:51,120
Can you help me, please?
850
00:45:51,120 --> 00:45:53,920
What is it, sweetheart? What's wrong?
851
00:45:53,920 --> 00:45:56,480
I'm here, what is it? I'm sorry.
852
00:45:56,480 --> 00:45:58,160
Are you all right?
853
00:45:58,160 --> 00:46:00,240
Are you hurt?
854
00:46:00,240 --> 00:46:03,840
Whatever it is, I will fix it, I promise you.
855
00:46:03,840 --> 00:46:05,720
Now, tell me.
856
00:46:06,960 --> 00:46:09,920
She's in Liverpool, not Scotland. She's in bloody Liverpool.
857
00:46:09,920 --> 00:46:12,840
What for? What's she done?
858
00:46:12,840 --> 00:46:15,000
She won't say, God knows.
859
00:46:15,000 --> 00:46:16,640
I'll call Stephen.
860
00:46:16,640 --> 00:46:18,800
No.
861
00:46:18,800 --> 00:46:20,360
Please.
862
00:46:21,480 --> 00:46:23,800
Muriel, don't. She called me.
863
00:46:23,800 --> 00:46:25,000
Go.
864
00:46:36,480 --> 00:46:38,360
Just tell me what's happened.
865
00:46:38,360 --> 00:46:40,200
I can't. Why not?
866
00:46:40,200 --> 00:46:41,560
You'll hate me.
867
00:46:41,560 --> 00:46:43,440
I could never hate you.
868
00:46:43,440 --> 00:46:44,480
Never.
869
00:47:02,480 --> 00:47:04,000
Oh...
870
00:47:07,880 --> 00:47:09,120
They won't tell me.
871
00:47:09,120 --> 00:47:10,640
All I've heard is crying.
872
00:47:10,640 --> 00:47:13,400
I did try, I said, "Let me in," but they wouldn't.
873
00:47:13,400 --> 00:47:16,160
What are you doing in Liverpool? Why did you lie?
874
00:47:16,160 --> 00:47:17,920
It's the only place they do it. Do what?
875
00:47:17,920 --> 00:47:19,520
The operation.
876
00:47:19,520 --> 00:47:20,720
What operation?
877
00:47:26,200 --> 00:47:27,760
It's only my mum.
878
00:47:27,760 --> 00:47:28,960
You promised me.
879
00:47:28,960 --> 00:47:30,480
It's OK.
880
00:47:30,480 --> 00:47:32,120
I'm here now.
881
00:47:32,120 --> 00:47:33,880
You have nothing to worry about.
882
00:47:36,920 --> 00:47:38,960
So what happened to your eye?
883
00:47:38,960 --> 00:47:40,440
Lizzie?
884
00:47:41,880 --> 00:47:43,280
Can you tell me?
885
00:47:43,280 --> 00:47:45,000
It's gone wrong, but we can fix it.
886
00:47:45,000 --> 00:47:46,880
We just need to find them.
887
00:47:48,080 --> 00:47:49,360
Let me see.
888
00:47:50,680 --> 00:47:52,120
Let me see your eye.
889
00:47:57,600 --> 00:47:59,240
OK.
890
00:47:59,240 --> 00:48:01,080
Well, that's not too bad.
891
00:48:01,080 --> 00:48:02,520
Hello, Lizzie.
892
00:48:02,520 --> 00:48:04,320
Hello.
893
00:48:04,320 --> 00:48:06,360
So what have you had done, hm?
894
00:48:06,360 --> 00:48:07,920
You daft things.
895
00:48:09,160 --> 00:48:12,840
You haven't had a face-lift, have you, at your age?
896
00:48:12,840 --> 00:48:15,480
It's OK but there is a lot of swelling,
897
00:48:15,480 --> 00:48:16,800
but that will calm down.
898
00:48:19,000 --> 00:48:20,680
What?
899
00:48:20,680 --> 00:48:22,280
I can't control it.
900
00:48:22,280 --> 00:48:23,760
What are you doing?
901
00:48:23,760 --> 00:48:25,160
It won't stay still.
902
00:48:25,160 --> 00:48:27,080
Lizzie, stop it, what are you doing?
903
00:48:27,080 --> 00:48:28,640
I can't see.
904
00:48:28,640 --> 00:48:30,640
What is that?
905
00:48:32,320 --> 00:48:34,440
What have you done?
906
00:48:34,440 --> 00:48:36,640
It's a camera. What?
907
00:48:36,640 --> 00:48:40,400
They promised us, they said we could see, digital vision.
908
00:48:40,400 --> 00:48:42,960
But, but that's not her eye.
909
00:48:42,960 --> 00:48:44,840
What's happened to her eye? Where is it?
910
00:48:44,840 --> 00:48:46,640
They took it out. Who did?
911
00:48:46,640 --> 00:48:48,960
The people on the boat. What boat?
912
00:48:48,960 --> 00:48:53,360
They said to me, "You're next," but I couldn't, I was too scared.
913
00:48:53,360 --> 00:48:55,080
I can't see with this eye.
914
00:48:55,080 --> 00:48:56,360
It's supposed to integrate,
915
00:48:56,360 --> 00:48:58,680
I'm supposed to see the output in my head, but I can't.
916
00:48:58,680 --> 00:49:00,560
My eyesight's over there.
917
00:49:03,920 --> 00:49:05,000
Oh!
918
00:49:08,200 --> 00:49:09,520
Oh!
919
00:49:09,520 --> 00:49:11,200
Your mother's on the way.
920
00:49:11,200 --> 00:49:12,680
God, help.
921
00:49:12,680 --> 00:49:14,120
It's been going on for decades,
922
00:49:14,120 --> 00:49:17,760
cruise ships arrive at the docks specially adapted as hospitals,
923
00:49:17,760 --> 00:49:20,400
run by Russians, Slovakians, Romanians,
924
00:49:20,400 --> 00:49:23,240
and people go on board for cheap operations.
925
00:49:23,240 --> 00:49:26,960
It was face-lifts in the '90s, gender reassignment in the 2000s,
926
00:49:26,960 --> 00:49:30,040
and now they've discovered transhumans.
927
00:49:30,040 --> 00:49:31,480
But they're breaking the law.
928
00:49:31,480 --> 00:49:35,120
This lot are. They're butchers. But you try finding them.
929
00:49:35,120 --> 00:49:36,480
It's a great big ship.
930
00:49:36,480 --> 00:49:39,440
I mean, try finding the owners, try suing them.
931
00:49:39,440 --> 00:49:42,120
There's a chain of ownership bouncing round and round the world
932
00:49:42,120 --> 00:49:44,840
until you end up with no-one and the ship sails on.
933
00:49:44,840 --> 00:49:47,720
And her eye, her real eye?
934
00:49:47,720 --> 00:49:50,080
Gone, junked.
935
00:49:51,440 --> 00:49:55,240
If you had 500,000, they say there are grafts now to integrate
936
00:49:55,240 --> 00:49:57,080
the lens with the optical nerve,
937
00:49:57,080 --> 00:50:00,000
but not for kids like that in Liverpool.
938
00:50:01,000 --> 00:50:04,160
Somewhere there's a golden world where these things are possible,
939
00:50:04,160 --> 00:50:05,440
but it's never here, is it?
940
00:50:08,320 --> 00:50:09,440
Call Stephen.
941
00:50:09,440 --> 00:50:10,920
Calling Stephen Lyons.
942
00:50:54,320 --> 00:50:55,960
See you later, Fran!
943
00:51:02,640 --> 00:51:05,360
See you tonight, yeah? Yeah.
944
00:51:07,400 --> 00:51:09,720
Stephen Lyons not answering.
945
00:51:17,240 --> 00:51:18,960
Did you tell him?
946
00:51:20,480 --> 00:51:24,560
You gave away £10,000 and your dad works every hour!
947
00:51:29,200 --> 00:51:33,200
Oh, to hell with it. He can wait.
948
00:51:33,200 --> 00:51:35,320
Thank God you were scared,
949
00:51:35,320 --> 00:51:37,720
it saved you, Beth.
950
00:51:37,720 --> 00:51:39,000
It saved you.
951
00:51:57,040 --> 00:51:58,880
It's gone ten.
952
00:51:58,880 --> 00:52:02,600
If the exit polls are correct, this is an extraordinary result.
953
00:52:02,600 --> 00:52:06,200
We're seeing 288 seats for the Conservatives,
954
00:52:06,200 --> 00:52:08,120
287 seats for Labour
955
00:52:08,120 --> 00:52:12,160
and an astonishing 15 seats for Vivienne Rook's Four Star Party.
956
00:52:12,160 --> 00:52:15,880
That's 15 seats, leaving the balance of power in the United Kingdom
957
00:52:15,880 --> 00:52:18,480
firmly in the hands of Vivienne Rook.
958
00:52:20,280 --> 00:52:25,200
I will not... I will not form a pact with the Tories,
959
00:52:25,200 --> 00:52:28,280
I will not form a pact with Labour.
960
00:52:28,280 --> 00:52:32,560
Instead, for every vote in the House of Commons,
961
00:52:32,560 --> 00:52:34,440
they can come to me. Yeah!
962
00:52:36,000 --> 00:52:41,160
They can come to me and I will decide.
963
00:52:41,160 --> 00:52:43,640
CHEERING
964
00:52:50,560 --> 00:52:53,040
Happy now, Rosie?
965
00:52:53,040 --> 00:52:54,600
Yeah.
966
00:52:54,600 --> 00:52:56,280
Hm.
967
00:52:57,520 --> 00:52:59,040
New world.
968
00:53:06,800 --> 00:53:08,160
Sorry!
969
00:53:47,200 --> 00:53:49,200
What are you doing?
970
00:54:20,920 --> 00:54:22,520
Hey, what are you doing?
971
00:54:22,520 --> 00:54:24,040
That's my bike!
972
00:55:04,360 --> 00:55:06,240
There she is, there she is!
973
00:55:06,240 --> 00:55:09,320
We need to get Viktor out. He could be executed.
974
00:55:30,080 --> 00:55:33,840
Astonishing! Astonishing!
70800
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