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1
00:00:00,000 --> 00:00:01,920
2
00:00:01,919 --> 00:00:04,039
All right. Okay,
So I mopped the floor,
3
00:00:04,040 --> 00:00:05,250
refilled the napkin dispenser,
4
00:00:05,250 --> 00:00:06,380
and I wiped down that weird
5
00:00:06,379 --> 00:00:07,959
sculpture thing
on the wall back there.
6
00:00:07,960 --> 00:00:09,880
That's a pay phone.
7
00:00:09,880 --> 00:00:11,830
What is wrong
with you millennials?
8
00:00:11,830 --> 00:00:13,040
Why does he call us
"millennials"
9
00:00:13,039 --> 00:00:15,669
when he's the one who's
a thousand years old?
10
00:00:15,669 --> 00:00:18,619
Yeah. This older generation,
they just don't get us.
11
00:00:18,620 --> 00:00:20,710
Am I right, hashtags?
12
00:00:24,670 --> 00:00:25,920
Sweatpants!
13
00:00:25,920 --> 00:00:27,580
Hey, Franco,
here's your notebook.
14
00:00:27,579 --> 00:00:28,879
What took you so long, man?
15
00:00:28,879 --> 00:00:30,749
I was busy doing your half
of the laundry
16
00:00:30,750 --> 00:00:32,880
and washing your half
of the dishes.
17
00:00:32,880 --> 00:00:34,420
Oh, well, you see,
now I meant to do that,
18
00:00:34,420 --> 00:00:36,120
but I was just busy
paying your half of the rent.
19
00:00:36,119 --> 00:00:37,459
(laughs)
Hey, brother,
20
00:00:37,460 --> 00:00:39,040
we shouldn't be
fighting like this.
21
00:00:39,039 --> 00:00:40,539
That's what the Man
wants us to do.
22
00:00:40,539 --> 00:00:41,879
Get out of here, man.
23
00:00:41,880 --> 00:00:44,000
Hey, so, Arthur,
I was up all night
24
00:00:44,000 --> 00:00:46,120
thinking of ideas
to boost business, right?
25
00:00:46,119 --> 00:00:48,209
"Boost business"?
Sounds like so much work.
26
00:00:48,210 --> 00:00:49,080
How about
27
00:00:49,079 --> 00:00:51,039
you sell your shop to me,
I tear it down,
28
00:00:51,039 --> 00:00:52,539
and put up a Baby Gap.
29
00:00:52,539 --> 00:00:55,119
But for grown-ups.
30
00:00:55,119 --> 00:00:56,619
Not selling.
31
00:00:56,619 --> 00:00:58,119
What do you got?
32
00:00:56,619 --> 00:00:58,119
Okay,
33
00:00:58,119 --> 00:01:00,539
so number one: a donut ATM.
34
00:00:58,119 --> 00:01:00,539
Oh.
35
00:01:00,539 --> 00:01:02,079
You put in money
to get donuts,
36
00:01:02,079 --> 00:01:03,539
or donuts to get money?
37
00:01:03,539 --> 00:01:04,789
Which do you like?
38
00:01:04,790 --> 00:01:06,250
Neither.
39
00:01:06,250 --> 00:01:07,670
Okay, so how about, like,
40
00:01:07,670 --> 00:01:09,170
a cup-shaped donut
you can drink your coffee from?
41
00:01:09,170 --> 00:01:11,250
It dunks itself.
42
00:01:09,170 --> 00:01:11,250
No.
43
00:01:11,250 --> 00:01:12,330
How about you not refraining
from declining
44
00:01:12,329 --> 00:01:14,619
to sell me your shop?
45
00:01:12,329 --> 00:01:14,619
Yes.
46
00:01:14,620 --> 00:01:17,000
Damn it, you're quick
on that double negative.
47
00:01:17,000 --> 00:01:18,420
All right, so customers
are gonna love this one,
48
00:01:18,420 --> 00:01:19,880
all right.
I think you might, too.
49
00:01:19,879 --> 00:01:20,999
Free Wi-Fi.
50
00:01:21,000 --> 00:01:21,620
No!
51
00:01:23,170 --> 00:01:24,580
One of the main reasons
I come here
52
00:01:24,579 --> 00:01:26,169
is because there's no Wi-Fi
or phone reception,
53
00:01:26,170 --> 00:01:27,670
so I can focus on my schoolwork.
54
00:01:27,670 --> 00:01:30,210
I have a tendency to be
kind of easily distracted by--
55
00:01:30,210 --> 00:01:33,080
oh, my God, puppies!
56
00:01:33,079 --> 00:01:34,249
ARTHUR:
Hey, Tush,
57
00:01:34,250 --> 00:01:35,250
what are you doing?
58
00:01:35,250 --> 00:01:37,170
I started a dog-walking
business.
59
00:01:37,170 --> 00:01:39,120
Those rich suckers moving
into the neighborhood
60
00:01:39,120 --> 00:01:40,830
pay ten bucks a head.
61
00:01:40,829 --> 00:01:42,999
I've picked up poop
for much less,
62
00:01:43,000 --> 00:01:44,830
oftentimes without a bag.
63
00:01:46,079 --> 00:01:47,169
You can't bring
dogs in here.
64
00:01:47,170 --> 00:01:48,380
Fine.
65
00:01:48,379 --> 00:01:50,169
You know what?
66
00:01:50,170 --> 00:01:52,920
Paco's a little overdressed
for this place anyway.
67
00:01:52,920 --> 00:01:54,250
Come on, gang,
68
00:01:54,250 --> 00:01:55,790
we can still make happy hour
at Petco.
69
00:01:55,789 --> 00:01:58,249
That place is crawling
with bitches.
70
00:02:01,250 --> 00:02:03,540
Okay, so look, I know
making the donuts is your thing,
71
00:02:03,540 --> 00:02:05,250
but I had a few flavor ideas.
72
00:02:05,250 --> 00:02:06,750
Look, kid, I appreciate
your enthusiasm,
73
00:02:06,750 --> 00:02:08,880
but before you go
changing stuff,
74
00:02:08,879 --> 00:02:10,119
you got to understand
the basics.
75
00:02:10,120 --> 00:02:11,460
Huh? Learn from
the ground up.
76
00:02:10,120 --> 00:02:11,460
Okay.
77
00:02:11,460 --> 00:02:12,460
No, I got it.
78
00:02:11,460 --> 00:02:12,460
Speaking of which,
79
00:02:12,460 --> 00:02:14,120
one of the dogs
left something there
80
00:02:14,120 --> 00:02:15,790
on the ground.
81
00:02:14,120 --> 00:02:15,790
Ew.
82
00:02:15,789 --> 00:02:19,289
Oh, wait.
(chuckles)
83
00:02:19,289 --> 00:02:21,379
They're little tiny Uggs.
84
00:02:21,379 --> 00:02:23,579
Damn dog's got nicer shoes
than me.
85
00:02:25,170 --> 00:02:27,170
♪ ♪
86
00:02:32,210 --> 00:02:35,210
(hip-hop music playing)
87
00:02:35,210 --> 00:02:36,790
Hey, hey! Hey!
88
00:02:35,210 --> 00:02:36,790
Oh.
89
00:02:36,789 --> 00:02:38,789
Turn off the hippity-hoppity.
90
00:02:38,789 --> 00:02:40,119
(music stops)
91
00:02:40,120 --> 00:02:42,000
Now what the hell
are you doing here?
92
00:02:42,000 --> 00:02:43,330
Well, you told me
I had to learn the basics.
93
00:02:43,329 --> 00:02:44,579
So I got here at 4:00 a.m.
94
00:02:44,579 --> 00:02:46,249
so you can teach me
how to make a donut.
95
00:02:46,250 --> 00:02:47,540
And look what I made.
96
00:02:47,539 --> 00:02:50,119
It's Doughy!
97
00:02:50,120 --> 00:02:52,710
He's our new mascot.
He can do commercials,
98
00:02:52,710 --> 00:02:54,750
uh, personal appearances,
maybe even a movie.
99
00:02:54,750 --> 00:02:56,040
Oh, look,
100
00:02:56,039 --> 00:02:57,669
he's in Grease.
101
00:02:57,670 --> 00:03:00,040
(dough sizzling)
102
00:03:00,039 --> 00:03:02,209
Why would you-- he had a family!
103
00:03:03,620 --> 00:03:05,670
Look, making the best damn
donuts in Chicago
104
00:03:05,669 --> 00:03:07,419
is serious business.
105
00:03:07,419 --> 00:03:09,329
If you really want to learn,
you got to be professional.
106
00:03:09,330 --> 00:03:10,120
Yes, sir.
107
00:03:10,120 --> 00:03:11,750
I'm ready.
108
00:03:10,120 --> 00:03:11,750
Now we'll begin
109
00:03:11,750 --> 00:03:13,330
with the classic old-fashioned.
110
00:03:13,330 --> 00:03:15,120
You know, that's the donut
that put this place on the map.
111
00:03:15,120 --> 00:03:16,290
Word.
112
00:03:15,120 --> 00:03:16,290
All right.
113
00:03:16,289 --> 00:03:17,329
We'll start with eight cups
of flour.
114
00:03:17,329 --> 00:03:18,289
Measuring, I-I can do that.
115
00:03:18,289 --> 00:03:19,539
Nope.
116
00:03:18,289 --> 00:03:19,539
Can I hold the bowl?
117
00:03:19,539 --> 00:03:20,919
Nope.
118
00:03:19,539 --> 00:03:20,919
Can I ask a question?
119
00:03:20,920 --> 00:03:21,920
Nope.
120
00:03:20,920 --> 00:03:21,920
How am I supposed
to learn?
121
00:03:21,920 --> 00:03:23,460
That's a question.
122
00:03:23,460 --> 00:03:24,710
All right, look,
123
00:03:24,710 --> 00:03:26,250
I'm gonna teach you
the way I was taught
124
00:03:26,250 --> 00:03:28,120
by my donut mentor,
Stan Symanski. Huh?
125
00:03:28,120 --> 00:03:29,540
Okay.
126
00:03:28,120 --> 00:03:29,540
Today, you watch.
127
00:03:29,539 --> 00:03:32,169
Tomorrow, more watching.
Eventually, you graduate!
128
00:03:32,170 --> 00:03:33,710
To observing.
129
00:03:32,170 --> 00:03:33,710
(groans)
130
00:03:33,710 --> 00:03:36,960
Come on, dude, I just want to
make a damn donut!
131
00:03:36,960 --> 00:03:38,170
(stammers)
Slow down.
132
00:03:38,170 --> 00:03:40,540
As Symanski said,
"First you make the man,
133
00:03:40,539 --> 00:03:42,119
then you make the donut."
134
00:03:43,750 --> 00:03:45,170
What does that mean?
135
00:03:45,170 --> 00:03:46,710
Beats me.
136
00:03:46,710 --> 00:03:49,290
He was very fond of the, uh,
powdered sugar.
137
00:03:49,289 --> 00:03:51,249
Arthur, so look,
138
00:03:51,250 --> 00:03:52,830
you know
I'm an artist, right?
139
00:03:51,250 --> 00:03:52,830
Uh.
140
00:03:52,829 --> 00:03:54,379
So don't you want to unlock
some of this
141
00:03:54,379 --> 00:03:55,539
God-given creativity?
142
00:03:54,379 --> 00:03:55,539
All right, all right,
143
00:03:55,539 --> 00:03:57,619
how about this? Uh,
as soon as I finish this batch,
144
00:03:57,620 --> 00:03:59,420
you can apply the glaze.
145
00:03:59,420 --> 00:04:00,580
Really? Yes!
146
00:03:59,420 --> 00:04:00,580
Mm-hmm.
147
00:04:00,580 --> 00:04:01,710
I'm Head Glazer.
148
00:04:01,710 --> 00:04:03,210
Or Executive Glaze Manager.
149
00:04:03,210 --> 00:04:05,580
Or V.P. of Operations,
Glaze Division.
150
00:04:07,419 --> 00:04:08,619
Head Glazer's fine.
151
00:04:07,419 --> 00:04:08,619
Yeah.
152
00:04:12,250 --> 00:04:13,880
ARTHUR:
Whoa, Randy.
153
00:04:13,879 --> 00:04:15,579
Rough night, huh?
154
00:04:15,580 --> 00:04:18,210
Yeah, I partied
with the Vice Squad.
155
00:04:18,209 --> 00:04:20,209
I need some strong black coffee.
156
00:04:20,209 --> 00:04:22,329
Got it.
157
00:04:20,209 --> 00:04:22,329
And then someone to check
158
00:04:22,329 --> 00:04:24,709
if I have an even lower
back tattoo.
159
00:04:24,709 --> 00:04:27,419
(Doctor Who
theme music playing)
160
00:04:27,420 --> 00:04:29,880
RANDY: Hey, James,
what are you doing?
161
00:04:29,879 --> 00:04:31,619
I'm watching the new episode
of Doctor Who,
162
00:04:31,620 --> 00:04:34,120
and you can't get a signal
in there.
163
00:04:34,120 --> 00:04:35,830
(music stops)
164
00:04:34,120 --> 00:04:35,830
See?
165
00:04:35,829 --> 00:04:38,959
This place is literally
like being in 1966.
166
00:04:38,959 --> 00:04:40,709
Which just happens to be
167
00:04:40,709 --> 00:04:43,289
the year that the good Doctor
has just transported himself to.
168
00:04:43,290 --> 00:04:45,420
He's a time traveler.
169
00:04:45,420 --> 00:04:47,170
Can he transport
me to the future
170
00:04:47,170 --> 00:04:48,880
when this
conversation's over?
171
00:04:50,920 --> 00:04:51,920
ARTHUR:
Oh, hey,
172
00:04:51,920 --> 00:04:52,830
what can I get you?
173
00:04:52,829 --> 00:04:54,119
Uh, what do you recommend?
174
00:04:54,120 --> 00:04:55,120
Well, I would suggest
175
00:04:55,120 --> 00:04:56,620
a few rubber bands
in your beard,
176
00:04:56,620 --> 00:04:59,210
but I see you
got that covered.
177
00:04:59,209 --> 00:05:01,789
How about one of my classic
old-fashioned glazed, huh?
178
00:05:01,790 --> 00:05:03,620
Sure, yeah, I'll, uh,
take a dozen.
179
00:05:03,620 --> 00:05:05,420
All right, coming right up.
Franco!
180
00:05:05,420 --> 00:05:07,290
Whoa, whoa,
whoa, whoa.
181
00:05:07,290 --> 00:05:08,710
What's with
the orange ones?
182
00:05:08,709 --> 00:05:10,079
Oh, well, I hope
you don't mind,
183
00:05:10,079 --> 00:05:11,379
but I got all inspired,
184
00:05:11,379 --> 00:05:13,249
so I put a few drops of
Sriracha in the glaze.
185
00:05:13,250 --> 00:05:15,040
Sriracha? What--
what the hell is that?
186
00:05:15,040 --> 00:05:17,250
It's hot sauce made
from chili peppers.
187
00:05:17,250 --> 00:05:18,580
Uh, can I try one of those?
188
00:05:18,579 --> 00:05:19,619
Yeah.
189
00:05:19,620 --> 00:05:21,380
Go for it, white Lenny Kravitz.
190
00:05:23,829 --> 00:05:25,079
What the hell's
going on?
191
00:05:25,079 --> 00:05:26,419
I was just starting to
teach you the basics.
192
00:05:26,420 --> 00:05:27,420
I mean, you're
not ready to start
193
00:05:27,420 --> 00:05:28,540
messing with the
recipe now.
194
00:05:28,540 --> 00:05:29,790
Well, you don't get to be
Head Glazer
195
00:05:29,790 --> 00:05:31,670
by playing it safe.
196
00:05:29,790 --> 00:05:31,670
Now look,
197
00:05:31,670 --> 00:05:32,830
I'm not paying you
to reinvent the donut.
198
00:05:32,829 --> 00:05:34,079
Now I got to
throw those away,
199
00:05:32,829 --> 00:05:34,079
(sighs)
200
00:05:34,079 --> 00:05:35,079
because nobody's
gonna want 'em.
201
00:05:35,079 --> 00:05:36,539
Yeah, I'll take a dozen.
202
00:05:36,540 --> 00:05:38,080
Seriously?
203
00:05:38,079 --> 00:05:39,419
Yeah, these things are amazing.
204
00:05:39,420 --> 00:05:41,460
Oh, see, thank you,
Rubber Band Man.
205
00:05:41,459 --> 00:05:43,039
Good job.
206
00:05:41,459 --> 00:05:43,039
All right, cool, dude!
207
00:05:45,250 --> 00:05:47,880
(Doctor Who theme music
playing)
208
00:05:47,879 --> 00:05:49,419
(gasps)
Doctor Who!
209
00:05:49,420 --> 00:05:50,670
I have Wi-Fi!
210
00:05:50,670 --> 00:05:53,960
Really?
Where's it coming from?
211
00:05:53,959 --> 00:05:56,249
Uh, looks like
Fawz's dry cleaners next door.
212
00:05:56,250 --> 00:05:57,670
And there's no password.
213
00:05:57,670 --> 00:06:00,880
Well, I have gotten a
lot of work done today.
214
00:06:00,879 --> 00:06:03,579
Time to unwind with
a little Wurdle.
215
00:06:03,579 --> 00:06:07,789
Then head home, take a bath,
and go for it.
216
00:06:08,879 --> 00:06:09,919
No, it's...
217
00:06:09,920 --> 00:06:11,500
it's an online word game.
218
00:06:11,500 --> 00:06:15,120
I used to play a lot.
Had to quit when I got R.F.S...
219
00:06:15,120 --> 00:06:17,250
Restless Finger Syndrome.
220
00:06:17,250 --> 00:06:19,540
I did a walkathon for that.
221
00:06:19,540 --> 00:06:21,880
Thank you...
from all of us.
222
00:06:23,170 --> 00:06:25,880
Here you go.
Thank you, Jack Sparrow.
223
00:06:27,790 --> 00:06:29,920
See? Somebody just
bought my donuts.
224
00:06:29,920 --> 00:06:30,920
All right.
Let me try one.
225
00:06:30,920 --> 00:06:33,290
Go ahead.
226
00:06:34,250 --> 00:06:35,880
Mmm.
227
00:06:34,250 --> 00:06:35,880
Yeah?
228
00:06:35,879 --> 00:06:38,499
Ooh.
229
00:06:35,879 --> 00:06:38,499
Huh?
230
00:06:38,500 --> 00:06:40,920
(grunts strangely)
231
00:06:40,920 --> 00:06:42,420
All right, you're not a fan.
232
00:06:42,420 --> 00:06:44,380
Look, I've been in the donut
game long enough to know
233
00:06:44,379 --> 00:06:45,919
what's not gonna catch on.
234
00:06:45,920 --> 00:06:48,040
Okay, but that dude loved it.
235
00:06:48,040 --> 00:06:49,710
Oh, I wouldn't go by him.
236
00:06:49,709 --> 00:06:51,959
He just put on a top hat,
rode off on a wooden bicycle
237
00:06:51,959 --> 00:06:53,959
with a lizard
on his shoulder.
238
00:06:53,959 --> 00:06:55,499
It's a fluke, kid.
239
00:06:55,500 --> 00:06:57,580
Don't go patting yourself
on the back.
240
00:07:01,459 --> 00:07:04,249
Hey, Arthur, my hands are
full of these fluke donuts.
241
00:07:04,250 --> 00:07:06,920
Would-Would you mind
patting me on the back?
242
00:07:06,920 --> 00:07:10,380
How about I put
my foot up your ass?
243
00:07:10,379 --> 00:07:11,999
What was that?
"Good work, Franco"?
244
00:07:12,000 --> 00:07:13,000
Thank you.
245
00:07:13,000 --> 00:07:15,000
A dozen Srirachos, please.
246
00:07:15,000 --> 00:07:17,290
Oh, I'm sorry,
but I only have five left.
247
00:07:17,290 --> 00:07:18,670
Oh, good news!
248
00:07:18,670 --> 00:07:20,420
We got plenty of my
old-fashioned glazed. There.
249
00:07:20,420 --> 00:07:22,000
Yeah. You know,
that's the donut
250
00:07:22,000 --> 00:07:23,460
that put this
place on the map.
251
00:07:23,459 --> 00:07:25,499
No, I want the ones
I saw on Instagram.
252
00:07:25,500 --> 00:07:26,750
The Sriracha ones.
253
00:07:26,750 --> 00:07:28,290
If you're making more,
I can wait.
254
00:07:28,290 --> 00:07:30,790
I'll just finish
my adult coloring book.
255
00:07:30,790 --> 00:07:32,750
I'll get right
on it, okay?
256
00:07:32,750 --> 00:07:35,460
Yeah, sure, of course
they like Srirachos, huh?
257
00:07:35,459 --> 00:07:36,879
They're hipsters.
258
00:07:36,879 --> 00:07:38,709
Thank God I still got
my regulars.
259
00:07:38,709 --> 00:07:41,119
Did Franco say he's bringing out
more Srirachos?
260
00:07:41,120 --> 00:07:42,750
Et tu, Tush?
261
00:07:42,750 --> 00:07:44,750
Oh, I et way more than two.
262
00:07:50,670 --> 00:07:54,420
Ladies and gentlemen. Bringing
the heat from the streets,
263
00:07:54,420 --> 00:07:57,040
the guru of the glaze,
264
00:07:57,040 --> 00:07:59,290
the professor of the pastry,
265
00:07:59,290 --> 00:08:01,500
the Bro of the Diz-ough...
266
00:08:03,040 --> 00:08:05,500
Franco Wicks.
267
00:08:03,040 --> 00:08:05,500
(applause)
268
00:08:06,790 --> 00:08:08,420
Hey, wait a minute
What... what-what...
269
00:08:08,420 --> 00:08:10,290
Franco, what is that?
270
00:08:10,290 --> 00:08:12,170
Oh, just my latest creation.
271
00:08:12,170 --> 00:08:15,080
I just took my trademark
Sriracha donut...
272
00:08:12,170 --> 00:08:15,080
All right, all right.
273
00:08:15,079 --> 00:08:17,289
...dusted it with
habanero sprinkles.
274
00:08:15,079 --> 00:08:17,289
Don't hurt 'em now.
275
00:08:17,290 --> 00:08:19,960
And I dipped it
in ghost pepper glaze.
276
00:08:19,959 --> 00:08:21,209
And I finished it off with...
277
00:08:21,209 --> 00:08:22,539
Oh, no you didn't.
278
00:08:22,540 --> 00:08:24,540
A jalapeño in the middle!
279
00:08:24,540 --> 00:08:26,420
I present to y'all...
280
00:08:26,420 --> 00:08:28,170
El Diablo.
281
00:08:28,170 --> 00:08:29,670
SWEATPANTS:
Somebody call
the fire department
282
00:08:29,670 --> 00:08:31,540
up in here.
283
00:08:31,540 --> 00:08:33,540
Wee-ooh, wee-ooh,
wee-ooh, wee-ooh.
284
00:08:33,539 --> 00:08:35,079
But I got a challenge.
285
00:08:35,080 --> 00:08:37,500
Anyone that can finish one
of these in under a minute,
286
00:08:37,500 --> 00:08:39,460
gets their picture
on the "Wall of Flame."
287
00:08:39,460 --> 00:08:41,210
ARTHUR:
Hey, hey, hey.
288
00:08:41,210 --> 00:08:43,170
Wait a minute. My picture
used to be up there.
289
00:08:43,169 --> 00:08:44,499
Oh, I-I'll put it back up.
290
00:08:44,500 --> 00:08:46,420
If you can finish
one of these in under a minute.
291
00:08:46,419 --> 00:08:48,539
No. No, thanks.
What kind of an idiot
292
00:08:48,539 --> 00:08:50,999
would like to burn his tongue
off for a stupid picture?
293
00:08:51,000 --> 00:08:53,580
Ah, this kind.
294
00:08:55,710 --> 00:08:57,000
Hot.
295
00:08:57,000 --> 00:08:58,420
(gasping)
296
00:08:59,580 --> 00:09:02,210
It feels like I'm eating
the sun.
297
00:09:04,289 --> 00:09:06,329
Randy, you sure you don't
want to watch Doctor Who?
298
00:09:06,330 --> 00:09:07,920
The 24th season
is the best.
299
00:09:07,919 --> 00:09:10,669
No. You can tell me
what happens.
300
00:09:10,669 --> 00:09:13,499
Then I can tell you what
a vagina looks like.
301
00:09:14,539 --> 00:09:16,669
Oh James, it's awful.
302
00:09:16,669 --> 00:09:19,419
The Wi-Fi is out.
303
00:09:16,669 --> 00:09:19,419
(groans)
304
00:09:19,419 --> 00:09:21,459
How unfortunate.
305
00:09:21,460 --> 00:09:22,880
I was next door
306
00:09:22,879 --> 00:09:25,119
watching a YouTube video
of a sneezing panda,
307
00:09:25,120 --> 00:09:26,460
until it froze.
308
00:09:26,460 --> 00:09:27,830
Mid-sneeze.
309
00:09:27,830 --> 00:09:30,210
I got the "ah", but no "choo."
310
00:09:31,460 --> 00:09:32,960
And that's when
I realized,
311
00:09:32,960 --> 00:09:34,920
someone is stealing my Wi-Fi.
312
00:09:34,919 --> 00:09:38,119
Maya, you should be
ashamed of yourself.
313
00:09:34,919 --> 00:09:38,119
James, how could you?
314
00:09:38,120 --> 00:09:41,960
Who knew Chicago Police
were so corrupt?
315
00:09:41,960 --> 00:09:43,670
I mean, sure,
everybody knew, but...
316
00:09:43,669 --> 00:09:45,829
You know what I mean.
317
00:09:45,830 --> 00:09:48,250
Well, I've taken care
of the problem.
318
00:09:48,250 --> 00:09:51,040
My Wi-Fi is now protected with
a password you will never guess.
319
00:09:51,039 --> 00:09:52,619
Never.
320
00:09:52,620 --> 00:09:54,460
Is it "sneezingpanda"?
321
00:09:54,460 --> 00:09:56,500
I'll be right back.
322
00:09:59,080 --> 00:10:01,920
Wow, people are really loving
Franco's new donut.
323
00:10:01,919 --> 00:10:03,709
Yeah, I don't get it, you know?
324
00:10:03,710 --> 00:10:05,040
Wait, uh, uh, look at him.
325
00:10:05,039 --> 00:10:08,459
Am I still chewing?
326
00:10:08,460 --> 00:10:10,920
I can't tell.
327
00:10:12,379 --> 00:10:13,709
You see what I mean?
328
00:10:13,710 --> 00:10:15,120
Donuts are not supposed to hurt.
329
00:10:15,120 --> 00:10:16,620
They're supposed to be sweet.
330
00:10:16,620 --> 00:10:18,170
Yeah. I know. It's weird,
331
00:10:18,169 --> 00:10:20,959
but people like all
these crazy flavors these days.
332
00:10:20,960 --> 00:10:25,710
Like salty chocolate
and bone marrow ice cream.
333
00:10:25,710 --> 00:10:29,330
You know, if they had a whiskey
burrito, I could save a step.
334
00:10:31,169 --> 00:10:32,749
Hey! It's done!
335
00:10:32,750 --> 00:10:35,290
Whew! Was that under a minute?!
336
00:10:35,289 --> 00:10:36,999
Huh?
337
00:10:39,289 --> 00:10:40,999
Oh, snap. I forgot
to start the stopwatch.
338
00:10:41,000 --> 00:10:42,000
All right,
hold on.
339
00:10:43,500 --> 00:10:47,920
(groans) I hope my colon
has its affairs in order.
340
00:10:51,289 --> 00:10:53,879
Say cheese!
341
00:10:51,289 --> 00:10:53,879
Cheese!
(chuckles)
342
00:10:53,879 --> 00:10:55,879
Welcome to the Wall of Flame.
(hissing)
343
00:10:55,879 --> 00:10:57,919
(hissing, chuckles)
344
00:10:57,919 --> 00:11:00,209
How do you
do that, Fawz?
345
00:11:00,210 --> 00:11:02,920
Mm. When I was eight,
346
00:11:02,919 --> 00:11:04,999
my village was attacked
with mustard gas,
347
00:11:05,000 --> 00:11:07,620
so I have no feeling
in my esophagus.
348
00:11:07,620 --> 00:11:10,880
Also, if I lick
a battery, I die.
349
00:11:12,289 --> 00:11:14,499
We have got to get
Fawz's password.
350
00:11:14,500 --> 00:11:16,920
It's always
personal information.
351
00:11:16,919 --> 00:11:18,709
Come on,
you're a cop.
352
00:11:18,710 --> 00:11:20,710
Just go get the password.
But be subtle.
353
00:11:20,710 --> 00:11:22,750
Subtle.
354
00:11:22,750 --> 00:11:26,290
(exhales)
355
00:11:26,289 --> 00:11:28,289
Boy, you sure do like donuts!
Did your mom make 'em for you?
356
00:11:28,289 --> 00:11:31,119
And if so, what was
her maiden name?
357
00:11:31,120 --> 00:11:34,120
Hussein. No relation.
358
00:11:34,120 --> 00:11:36,420
Fine. Distant cousin.
359
00:11:38,750 --> 00:11:41,790
Interesting. Um, did you have
any childhood pets?
360
00:11:41,789 --> 00:11:43,829
Oh, yes. Jabir.
361
00:11:43,830 --> 00:11:48,040
He wasn't so much a pet
as a partially brain-dead uncle.
362
00:11:48,039 --> 00:11:52,289
But he brought that Frisbee
back every time.
363
00:11:52,289 --> 00:11:54,169
How do you spell that?
364
00:11:54,169 --> 00:11:58,619
Yes, it's, uh, J-A-B...
365
00:11:58,620 --> 00:12:00,540
Wait, are
you trying
366
00:12:00,539 --> 00:12:03,419
to guess my password?!
Shame!
367
00:12:03,419 --> 00:12:05,459
And here I thought you were
trying to get to know the real
368
00:12:05,460 --> 00:12:07,750
Fawz Hamadani Farooq
Al-Shahrani!
369
00:12:09,539 --> 00:12:11,249
All right. Who'd like to try
370
00:12:11,250 --> 00:12:13,080
a new and exciting donut flavor?
371
00:12:13,080 --> 00:12:15,380
If they like Srirachos,
they're gonna love this.
372
00:12:15,379 --> 00:12:17,749
It tastes like pickles.
I call it...
373
00:12:17,750 --> 00:12:21,290
the Dill-Donut.
374
00:12:21,289 --> 00:12:25,249
Uh, Arthur,
y-you can't call it that.
375
00:12:25,250 --> 00:12:26,380
Why not?
376
00:12:26,379 --> 00:12:27,579
Say it again.
377
00:12:27,580 --> 00:12:28,710
Dill-Donut.
378
00:12:31,460 --> 00:12:33,290
Slower.
379
00:12:33,289 --> 00:12:35,669
Okay. Dill-Do... Oh.
380
00:12:35,669 --> 00:12:37,669
I'll work on the name.
381
00:12:37,669 --> 00:12:40,579
Hey, why won't you try one?
I... They're totally unique.
382
00:12:40,580 --> 00:12:42,670
Try it.
383
00:12:40,580 --> 00:12:42,670
Oh, yeah. All right.
384
00:12:42,669 --> 00:12:43,879
Huh...
385
00:12:43,879 --> 00:12:45,419
Oh, yeah. Oh.
386
00:12:45,419 --> 00:12:49,079
That's... That's unique.
387
00:12:49,080 --> 00:12:53,790
That dill flavor's
coming through hard.
388
00:12:53,789 --> 00:12:56,499
It's like one bite's
all you'll ever need.
389
00:12:56,500 --> 00:12:58,460
All you will ever need.
390
00:12:58,460 --> 00:12:59,580
All right,
all right, fine.
391
00:12:59,580 --> 00:13:00,830
Back by popular demand,
392
00:13:00,830 --> 00:13:01,790
Los Diablos.
393
00:13:01,789 --> 00:13:03,119
Call an exorcist.
394
00:13:03,120 --> 00:13:05,420
The devil's in the house!
395
00:13:05,419 --> 00:13:06,669
All right, man. I have
this whole new promotion
396
00:13:06,669 --> 00:13:07,709
planned for later.
397
00:13:07,710 --> 00:13:09,000
Big fiesta theme.
398
00:13:09,000 --> 00:13:10,080
ARTHUR:
Hey, whoa, whoa!
399
00:13:10,080 --> 00:13:11,290
Those are my glazed.
400
00:13:11,289 --> 00:13:13,249
Oh, I'm just making room
for Los Diablos.
401
00:13:13,250 --> 00:13:14,500
No. No, you're not.
402
00:13:14,500 --> 00:13:15,670
What? Arthur,
I'm just giving the people
403
00:13:15,669 --> 00:13:17,289
what they want.
404
00:13:15,669 --> 00:13:17,289
You know
what they want?
405
00:13:17,289 --> 00:13:18,709
You've been working here
one month.
406
00:13:18,710 --> 00:13:20,210
What you mad for? You hired me
407
00:13:20,210 --> 00:13:21,670
to bring in new customers,
right?
408
00:13:21,669 --> 00:13:23,419
Yeah! Yeah, but not
to change everything.
409
00:13:23,419 --> 00:13:25,079
I think you mean
"making things better."
410
00:13:25,080 --> 00:13:27,500
Oh, please. With the contest
and the photos, huh?
411
00:13:27,500 --> 00:13:29,210
Just a bunch of stupid gimmicks.
412
00:13:29,210 --> 00:13:32,040
Gimmicks? I'm an artist.
I-I don't do gimmicks.
413
00:13:32,039 --> 00:13:34,579
(mariachi music playing)
414
00:13:38,000 --> 00:13:40,500
♪ El Diablo ♪
415
00:13:40,500 --> 00:13:43,880
♪ El Diablo, El Diablo ♪
416
00:13:43,879 --> 00:13:45,459
Stop.
417
00:13:43,879 --> 00:13:45,459
♪ El Diablo ♪
418
00:13:45,460 --> 00:13:46,620
Stop!
419
00:13:45,460 --> 00:13:46,620
♪ El Diablo. ♪
420
00:13:46,620 --> 00:13:47,830
(music stops)
421
00:13:47,830 --> 00:13:51,620
Do you guys know any Steely Dan?
422
00:13:51,620 --> 00:13:55,620
♪ I've seen your picture ♪
423
00:13:55,620 --> 00:13:58,290
♪ Your name
in lights above it... ♪
424
00:14:03,669 --> 00:14:05,749
That's the last
of the Srirachos.
425
00:14:05,750 --> 00:14:07,710
And I can't make anymore.
426
00:14:07,710 --> 00:14:09,670
Arthur's gone, so I'm stuck
working the counter.
427
00:14:09,669 --> 00:14:11,789
How am I gonna tell people
all the Srirachos are gone?
428
00:14:11,789 --> 00:14:14,619
No mo' Sriracho!
429
00:14:16,289 --> 00:14:18,079
You act like this job is hard.
430
00:14:21,169 --> 00:14:22,709
Tush, what are you doing?
431
00:14:22,710 --> 00:14:25,330
Taking Pudgy for a walk.
432
00:14:25,330 --> 00:14:27,170
Poor thing's got anxiety,
433
00:14:27,169 --> 00:14:28,959
thought I'd give him
a little extra TLC.
434
00:14:28,960 --> 00:14:30,960
(Franco sighs)
435
00:14:32,539 --> 00:14:34,539
I just tried Arthur again.
436
00:14:34,539 --> 00:14:36,249
Went straight to voicemail.
437
00:14:36,250 --> 00:14:37,750
I don't know why he's so mad.
438
00:14:37,750 --> 00:14:39,120
My donuts have been
our best sellers.
439
00:14:39,120 --> 00:14:40,460
You got a gift, kid.
440
00:14:40,460 --> 00:14:42,830
I can still taste that Diablo.
441
00:14:42,830 --> 00:14:44,830
See? Thanks, Tush.
442
00:14:44,830 --> 00:14:47,000
No, I mean,
that's all I can taste.
443
00:14:48,210 --> 00:14:49,580
But on the bright side,
444
00:14:49,580 --> 00:14:51,790
it brought my dead tooth
back to life.
445
00:14:51,789 --> 00:14:53,459
Come on,
Pudgy.
446
00:14:53,460 --> 00:14:55,920
Let me show you
what it's like to pee indoors.
447
00:14:59,039 --> 00:15:01,039
Randy, I've been working
my ass off since I started here.
448
00:15:01,039 --> 00:15:02,919
All right? I show up early,
I even stay up late
449
00:15:02,919 --> 00:15:04,209
thinking of ideas
for this damn place,
450
00:15:04,210 --> 00:15:06,040
and he always shuts them down.
451
00:15:06,039 --> 00:15:08,919
Sounds like Arthur's
not the only one who's mad.
452
00:15:08,919 --> 00:15:10,539
All right, yeah.
453
00:15:10,539 --> 00:15:11,959
I thought I found the job
454
00:15:11,960 --> 00:15:13,790
where I'm not just doing
grunt work, you know?
455
00:15:13,789 --> 00:15:15,919
Where I can be creative,
where I contribute, maybe,
456
00:15:15,919 --> 00:15:17,829
maybe even make a difference
in the community.
457
00:15:17,830 --> 00:15:20,670
Putting icing on a donut?
458
00:15:20,669 --> 00:15:23,539
All right, when you put it
like that, I sound like a loser.
459
00:15:23,539 --> 00:15:25,879
(sighs)
You're not a loser.
460
00:15:25,879 --> 00:15:28,579
You're just an idiot.
461
00:15:28,580 --> 00:15:29,750
(clears throat)
462
00:15:29,750 --> 00:15:31,790
Look at it from Arthur's
point of view.
463
00:15:31,789 --> 00:15:34,119
He's been making donuts
his whole life.
464
00:15:34,120 --> 00:15:36,880
And you come in here
and outshine him.
465
00:15:36,879 --> 00:15:40,379
Now he feels old
and obsolete.
466
00:15:40,379 --> 00:15:45,249
Like a record player
in a CD world.
467
00:15:45,250 --> 00:15:48,420
Randy, nobody buys CDs anymore.
468
00:15:48,419 --> 00:15:51,789
Don't make me
plant drugs on you.
469
00:15:51,789 --> 00:15:53,749
Whoa! Okay.
470
00:15:53,750 --> 00:15:55,750
What kind of drugs?
471
00:15:58,330 --> 00:16:00,710
All I'm saying
is slow your roll.
472
00:16:00,710 --> 00:16:03,460
Okay.
473
00:16:00,710 --> 00:16:03,460
Arthur doesn't like
to be rushed.
474
00:16:03,460 --> 00:16:07,790
He didn't even put that pay
phone in until last summer.
475
00:16:08,789 --> 00:16:10,879
Well, that was awkward.
476
00:16:10,879 --> 00:16:13,419
As it turns out,
Pudgy is a girl.
477
00:16:21,500 --> 00:16:23,040
FAWZ:
Poor Arthur.
478
00:16:23,039 --> 00:16:24,919
He forgot where he works.
479
00:16:24,919 --> 00:16:25,959
It's right in there.
480
00:16:25,960 --> 00:16:28,670
No, no. I know that.
481
00:16:28,669 --> 00:16:30,419
It's just that I feel...
482
00:16:30,419 --> 00:16:32,419
I just don't belong
in there anymore.
483
00:16:32,419 --> 00:16:35,329
Well, maybe it's time for you
to sell to me. (chuckles)
484
00:16:35,330 --> 00:16:38,080
Yeah, you know
what? Maybe it is.
485
00:16:38,080 --> 00:16:41,880
Well, you can't blame me
for try... Wait, what?
486
00:16:41,879 --> 00:16:44,289
I mean, everything is
changing. You know? I...
487
00:16:44,289 --> 00:16:47,329
I feel like a relic
from another time.
488
00:16:47,330 --> 00:16:48,790
Well, lucky for you,
489
00:16:48,789 --> 00:16:51,419
I have got
the contract right here.
490
00:16:51,419 --> 00:16:54,169
I've been carrying
this around since 2012.
491
00:16:54,169 --> 00:16:58,039
All I have to do
is change the date,
492
00:16:58,039 --> 00:17:00,169
cross out your
late wife's name--
493
00:17:00,169 --> 00:17:02,459
my condolences, by the way.
494
00:17:02,460 --> 00:17:04,750
Can you believe I've owned
this place for 47 years?
495
00:17:04,750 --> 00:17:06,290
Yes, very long time.
496
00:17:06,289 --> 00:17:08,579
You're getting tired,
you're slowing down.
497
00:17:08,579 --> 00:17:09,579
Now you have the black guy.
498
00:17:09,579 --> 00:17:10,829
His name is Franco.
499
00:17:10,829 --> 00:17:12,169
Yes, I know. Ha, ha.
500
00:17:12,170 --> 00:17:13,580
I was just making
sure you knew
501
00:17:13,579 --> 00:17:15,209
who I was talking about.
502
00:17:15,210 --> 00:17:16,960
Anyway, he seems like
he knows what he's doing.
503
00:17:16,960 --> 00:17:18,170
Yeah, I know.
504
00:17:18,170 --> 00:17:19,920
He's talented, he's ambitious.
505
00:17:19,920 --> 00:17:21,830
But there's a lot
he doesn't know yet.
506
00:17:21,829 --> 00:17:23,879
Yeah? What's to know?
It's just donuts.
507
00:17:23,880 --> 00:17:25,790
No, I wouldn't say that.
508
00:17:25,789 --> 00:17:27,789
People think that donuts
are just something you eat,
509
00:17:27,789 --> 00:17:29,959
Well, not to me it isn't.
No, no way,
510
00:17:29,960 --> 00:17:31,460
they mean a hell of a lot
more to me.
511
00:17:31,460 --> 00:17:32,920
Yes, of course.
512
00:17:32,920 --> 00:17:35,710
Uh, I'm gonna need
your thumbprint.
513
00:17:35,710 --> 00:17:37,830
You know, Fawz, in this crazy
and uncertain world,
514
00:17:37,829 --> 00:17:41,119
what could be more comforting
than a... than a donut?
515
00:17:41,119 --> 00:17:42,789
And a cup of coffee, huh?
516
00:17:42,789 --> 00:17:44,749
To be the one
to bring that to people,
517
00:17:44,750 --> 00:17:47,710
I mean, there could be
no higher calling than that.
518
00:17:47,710 --> 00:17:51,040
You know something,
if happiness was a food,
519
00:17:51,039 --> 00:17:52,709
this is where you'd find it.
520
00:17:52,710 --> 00:17:54,000
Very moving.
521
00:17:54,000 --> 00:17:56,460
Do you happen to have
two forms of ID?
522
00:17:56,460 --> 00:17:58,000
See, that's what that kid
doesn't understand.
523
00:17:58,000 --> 00:17:59,920
No, he's got big ideas.
524
00:17:59,920 --> 00:18:02,960
He just doesn't see
the big picture.
525
00:18:02,960 --> 00:18:04,290
Okay. Well, you know.
Here, just... Here you go.
526
00:18:04,289 --> 00:18:08,119
Thank you, Fawz.
Thank you very much.
527
00:18:08,119 --> 00:18:10,249
Oh, there you go.
528
00:18:10,250 --> 00:18:12,120
I was starting
to get worried.
529
00:18:10,250 --> 00:18:12,120
Why?
530
00:18:12,119 --> 00:18:14,119
'Cause it's cold out
and you're old as hell.
531
00:18:14,119 --> 00:18:15,829
Yeah. Well, I'm fine.
532
00:18:15,829 --> 00:18:17,329
Just follow me.
533
00:18:18,380 --> 00:18:19,790
Put on an apron.
534
00:18:19,789 --> 00:18:21,619
For what?
535
00:18:21,619 --> 00:18:24,039
'Cause I'm gonna teach you
how to make a jelly donut.
536
00:18:24,039 --> 00:18:26,079
Right now?
537
00:18:24,039 --> 00:18:26,079
Yeah.
538
00:18:26,079 --> 00:18:28,329
You started with the old
fashioned. Now it's jelly.
539
00:18:28,329 --> 00:18:30,959
And then we'll...
we'll move on, huh?
540
00:18:30,960 --> 00:18:34,420
To, uh, fritters,
long johns, bear claws.
541
00:18:34,420 --> 00:18:35,960
And what brought this on?
542
00:18:34,420 --> 00:18:35,960
Well, I was thinking.
543
00:18:35,960 --> 00:18:37,920
You know, you got potential,
but there's a hell of a lot
544
00:18:37,920 --> 00:18:39,000
you don't know yet.
545
00:18:39,000 --> 00:18:41,670
Understood. And thank you.
546
00:18:41,670 --> 00:18:43,040
So why don't you get me
that raspberry jelly?
547
00:18:43,039 --> 00:18:44,579
Okay. All right.
548
00:18:46,579 --> 00:18:47,999
You know what'd be dope?
549
00:18:48,000 --> 00:18:49,670
Like, instead of a jelly donut,
550
00:18:49,670 --> 00:18:51,620
we did a peanut butter
and jelly donut.
551
00:18:51,619 --> 00:18:53,669
Peanut butter?
552
00:18:51,619 --> 00:18:53,669
Sorry. You're right.
553
00:18:53,670 --> 00:18:54,580
I'm overstepping.
554
00:18:54,579 --> 00:18:55,619
No, I like it.
555
00:18:55,619 --> 00:18:57,039
Really?
556
00:18:55,619 --> 00:18:57,039
Yeah.
557
00:18:57,039 --> 00:18:59,079
(chuckles)
All those hipsters, huh?
558
00:18:59,079 --> 00:19:01,289
With their bikes
and their coloring books.
559
00:19:01,289 --> 00:19:03,169
Oh, they j...
560
00:19:03,170 --> 00:19:06,790
they just love reliving
their childhoods, don't they?
561
00:19:06,789 --> 00:19:09,539
(laughs) And they love paying
eight dollars for almond milk.
562
00:19:09,539 --> 00:19:10,959
(both laugh)
563
00:19:10,960 --> 00:19:13,460
You can't get
no milk from almonds.
564
00:19:13,460 --> 00:19:16,670
Okay. Let's see
if we can make
565
00:19:16,670 --> 00:19:19,080
a peanut butter
and jelly donut, huh?
566
00:19:19,079 --> 00:19:20,169
Now, pass me that yeast.
567
00:19:20,170 --> 00:19:21,250
Oh, can I measure it?
568
00:19:21,250 --> 00:19:22,420
Nope.
569
00:19:21,250 --> 00:19:22,420
Can I pour the flour?
570
00:19:22,420 --> 00:19:24,290
Nope.
571
00:19:22,420 --> 00:19:24,290
This is gonna be fun.
572
00:19:31,420 --> 00:19:34,830
Here it is, our
new flavor. PB&J.
573
00:19:34,829 --> 00:19:36,079
I'll go.
574
00:19:39,920 --> 00:19:43,500
I can't feel my face.
575
00:19:43,500 --> 00:19:45,750
Are there peanuts in these?
576
00:19:45,750 --> 00:19:47,750
Yeah. What'd you think
the "PB" stood for?
577
00:19:47,750 --> 00:19:49,830
"Probably bacon"?
578
00:19:47,750 --> 00:19:49,830
ARTHUR: Oh, no.
579
00:19:49,829 --> 00:19:51,999
I'm allergic to peanuts.
580
00:19:52,000 --> 00:19:53,290
Oh, my God.
What can we do for you?
581
00:19:53,289 --> 00:19:56,289
Luckily, Pudgy is
allergic to bees.
582
00:19:56,289 --> 00:19:59,789
Let's hope dog EpiPens
work on humans.
583
00:19:59,789 --> 00:20:02,289
Stay with us, Tush.
584
00:20:02,289 --> 00:20:03,579
(grunts)
585
00:20:03,579 --> 00:20:05,709
See?
586
00:20:05,710 --> 00:20:10,210
What fun. This is what you
missed when we had Wi-Fi.
587
00:20:10,210 --> 00:20:12,920
It's true. Now we can talk
to each other,
588
00:20:12,920 --> 00:20:14,790
forge real human connections.
589
00:20:14,789 --> 00:20:18,289
Hey, Franco talked me
into getting Wi-Fi. Huh?
590
00:20:18,289 --> 00:20:20,499
So it's there if you want it.
591
00:20:20,500 --> 00:20:24,210
Yeah, nice knowing you.
592
00:20:20,500 --> 00:20:24,210
Thank God.
593
00:20:24,210 --> 00:20:26,960
Oh, come on.
You guessed my new password?
594
00:20:26,960 --> 00:20:28,580
Is "iraqilovejockey"
that obvious?
38505
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