Would you like to inspect the original subtitles? These are the user uploaded subtitles that are being translated:
1
00:00:00,175 --> 00:00:03,003
sync & correction by f1nc0
~ Addic7ed.com ~
2
00:00:07,971 --> 00:00:11,205
Ah-ha!
Castle Craig has fallen!
3
00:00:11,274 --> 00:00:13,041
Zorn, why is everything
4
00:00:13,109 --> 00:00:14,942
- a battle with you?
- What?
5
00:00:15,011 --> 00:00:18,046
This is, like, the least amount
of battling I've ever done.
6
00:00:18,114 --> 00:00:20,481
And it's killing me inside.
You know what?
7
00:00:20,550 --> 00:00:21,616
I'm gonna rise above this.
8
00:00:21,685 --> 00:00:23,284
Hey, Alan. You want
to get in the water,
9
00:00:23,353 --> 00:00:26,570
- and help me do an underwater flip?
- Uh... No thanks. It takes, like,
10
00:00:26,605 --> 00:00:28,256
- three hours for my hair to dry.
- All right, well...
11
00:00:28,324 --> 00:00:29,991
Where's your mom? She's not one
12
00:00:29,992 --> 00:00:31,659
- to turn down a cool dip.
- Sorry!
13
00:00:31,728 --> 00:00:33,061
I was just using the bathroom!
14
00:00:33,129 --> 00:00:35,596
Oh, no. What happened?
15
00:00:35,665 --> 00:00:37,565
My peaceful kingdom was
destroyed by a meanie.
16
00:00:37,634 --> 00:00:40,968
- Edie, tell Craig to speak up!
- Well, honey,
17
00:00:41,037 --> 00:00:43,571
- I warned you not to build it there.
- That's right, Craig!
18
00:00:43,640 --> 00:00:45,239
Retreat to the ocean!
19
00:00:45,308 --> 00:00:48,409
Along with the whales
and octopuses,
20
00:00:48,478 --> 00:00:50,311
and... ah, he can't hear me.
21
00:00:50,346 --> 00:00:51,821
All right, let's see what else
we got here.
22
00:00:51,888 --> 00:00:54,482
Who else wants to
challenge the throne? Mm.
23
00:00:54,551 --> 00:00:56,017
Oh, look at these wannabes.
24
00:01:02,759 --> 00:01:03,991
Oh, I miss that sound.
25
00:01:20,977 --> 00:01:23,878
Hey, Earl Sweatpants!
26
00:01:23,947 --> 00:01:25,646
Why aren't you wearing
shorts, you turd?
27
00:01:25,715 --> 00:01:28,216
What are you hiding under
there, nipple knees?
28
00:01:28,284 --> 00:01:31,119
Oh, I get it. You're wearing
sweatpants to hide your diaper.
29
00:01:33,123 --> 00:01:35,289
You suck!
30
00:01:39,129 --> 00:01:41,896
Just a reminder,
guys, we got the swim unit
31
00:01:41,965 --> 00:01:45,867
coming up next, so... don't
forget to bring your trunks.
32
00:01:48,177 --> 00:01:49,844
Oh, oh, oh!
And this, right here, this is
33
00:01:49,913 --> 00:01:52,480
Head-butt Man and me battling
our way down Corpse Mountain.
34
00:01:52,515 --> 00:01:54,649
Now, I don't have
to tell you, but that place
35
00:01:54,717 --> 00:01:57,451
- is crawling with
dagger-tooths. - Totally, man.
36
00:01:57,520 --> 00:01:58,920
Oh, man.
That was the life.
37
00:01:58,955 --> 00:02:00,488
It was so exciting!
You know?
38
00:02:00,556 --> 00:02:03,190
Everyday was a battle, and every
Friday, a casual battle.
39
00:02:03,259 --> 00:02:06,027
Oh, by the way, the reason
why the printer won't work
40
00:02:06,095 --> 00:02:07,528
is because you have
to actually hit print.
41
00:02:07,597 --> 00:02:09,948
You know, I'd be lying if I
said I didn't miss the sting
42
00:02:09,949 --> 00:02:12,300
of blood in my eyes, the
smell of steaming intestines
43
00:02:12,301 --> 00:02:14,402
and the painful sores on my lips.
44
00:02:14,437 --> 00:02:16,904
From battle, which... resurface
every six months or so.
45
00:02:16,940 --> 00:02:19,273
- Yeah.
- Zorn.
46
00:02:19,309 --> 00:02:23,010
I need you to copy these documents
and overnight them, this time.
47
00:02:23,079 --> 00:02:24,712
Not to point fingers,
but that was the raven's fault.
48
00:02:24,781 --> 00:02:27,949
We don't have a raven. That bird
on the ledge outside is a pigeon.
49
00:02:28,017 --> 00:02:29,383
Those documents are now a nest.
50
00:02:29,452 --> 00:02:31,886
So... overnight 'em yourself.
51
00:02:31,955 --> 00:02:35,890
Alan, how do you like your tofu?
52
00:02:35,959 --> 00:02:38,059
Uh, medium, I guess?
53
00:02:38,127 --> 00:02:41,228
- "Swamp butt"?
- Hm? Oh, you know what?
54
00:02:41,297 --> 00:02:43,497
That's an inside joke.
From-from people at school.
55
00:02:43,566 --> 00:02:44,765
They were just
fooling around, yeah.
56
00:02:44,834 --> 00:02:48,569
- "Alan eats a horse's..." Oh, my...
- Oh! Yeah, that, uh...
57
00:02:48,604 --> 00:02:50,271
- That is bad...
- Ah, ha-ha! Wow!
58
00:02:50,340 --> 00:02:52,106
Guys are fooling around out here.
59
00:02:52,175 --> 00:02:53,741
I do it to them, they do it to me.
60
00:02:53,810 --> 00:02:56,444
- Are you being picked on at school?
- What? No! I-I don't...
61
00:02:56,512 --> 00:02:57,778
Why are you holding
your backpack like that?
62
00:02:57,847 --> 00:03:00,593
Oh, this is a, uh...
it's better for your back, actually.
63
00:03:00,628 --> 00:03:02,049
If you were,
I hope you'd tell me,
64
00:03:02,118 --> 00:03:03,651
- so I could help you.
- Yeah, Alan...
65
00:03:03,720 --> 00:03:05,453
Look, bullies are just insecure.
66
00:03:05,521 --> 00:03:08,756
All you need to really do
is just walk up to them,
67
00:03:08,825 --> 00:03:10,791
you look them directly
in the eye, and you say,
68
00:03:10,860 --> 00:03:13,060
"You are loved."
69
00:03:13,129 --> 00:03:15,162
Okay. I'm not gonna
do that. Super weird, 'cause,
70
00:03:15,231 --> 00:03:17,798
also, not necessary at all.
'Cause nothing's happening.
71
00:03:17,867 --> 00:03:21,802
- I'm not being picked on.
- He's definitely being picked on,
72
00:03:21,871 --> 00:03:24,105
- and I should know.
- Were you bullied?
73
00:03:24,173 --> 00:03:27,208
- I was a bully.
- Yeah, I can see that.
74
00:03:29,045 --> 00:03:31,312
Take that!
Ugh, I'll be taking these!
75
00:03:31,381 --> 00:03:34,215
No! Not my children!
76
00:03:34,250 --> 00:03:36,851
I will eat each of their
fingers in front of you
77
00:03:36,919 --> 00:03:40,521
and then defecate
on your wife's grave!
78
00:03:40,590 --> 00:03:42,890
Curses... foiled again!
79
00:03:42,959 --> 00:03:45,726
More copying, more collating.
Then I have something
80
00:03:45,762 --> 00:03:49,363
even more exciting for you...
stapling.
81
00:03:49,399 --> 00:03:53,434
Oh, man. Did you crumple
up my turkey sandwich again?
82
00:03:53,503 --> 00:03:54,869
- Yeah, I did.
- Aww!
83
00:03:54,937 --> 00:03:56,737
Would you like to...
fight about it, maybe?
84
00:03:56,806 --> 00:04:00,441
- All right.
- Gotta be kidding me!
85
00:04:00,510 --> 00:04:02,810
What am I supposed
to do for lunch?
86
00:04:10,486 --> 00:04:11,852
I'm sorry.
Do you work here?
87
00:04:11,921 --> 00:04:14,755
No, man. I work at VitaShock,
across the hall.
88
00:04:18,394 --> 00:04:21,646
Well, strange visitor from
"across the hall," you do
89
00:04:21,647 --> 00:04:24,899
realize that hot sauce belongs
to Sanitation Solutions, yes?
90
00:04:24,934 --> 00:04:27,802
Relax, bro, it's just hot sauce.
91
00:04:30,807 --> 00:04:32,573
Nice panties, dude.
92
00:04:39,415 --> 00:04:40,548
Zorn!
93
00:04:40,583 --> 00:04:43,050
- Copies.
- Yeah. Okay, on it.
94
00:04:49,992 --> 00:04:52,026
At this point,
it could be anywhere.
95
00:04:52,061 --> 00:04:54,295
Hot sauce is
a precious commodity, Linda.
96
00:04:54,330 --> 00:04:57,465
You can put it on anything.
Soup, stew...
97
00:04:57,500 --> 00:04:59,700
Ugh! This is exactly what
happened with Vulchazor.
98
00:04:59,735 --> 00:05:03,104
"Vulchazor?"
Oh, my God, Zorn.
99
00:05:03,139 --> 00:05:05,272
If this is about Pokémon again,
I swear...
100
00:05:05,308 --> 00:05:06,807
No, it's not about Pokémon.
101
00:05:06,843 --> 00:05:08,609
This is about
the most power-hungry tyrant
102
00:05:08,644 --> 00:05:10,344
with a beak face on the planet!
103
00:05:10,379 --> 00:05:12,346
- And he took your hot sauce?
- No, Linda.
104
00:05:12,381 --> 00:05:13,948
He took the Staff of Quiv!
105
00:05:13,983 --> 00:05:15,649
Don't you people read in America?
106
00:05:15,685 --> 00:05:17,721
The New Yorker did a whole
cartoon on it.
107
00:05:17,747 --> 00:05:20,254
Zorn... the guy just
borrowed our hot sauce.
108
00:05:20,290 --> 00:05:22,590
There are more important things
for you to focus on.
109
00:05:22,625 --> 00:05:26,227
- Don't you have work to do?
- Yes, it'll take work indeed to recover
110
00:05:26,262 --> 00:05:27,795
- what is rightfully ours.
- Yeah... No...
111
00:05:27,830 --> 00:05:29,897
Zorn, that's not what I'm saying!
112
00:05:29,933 --> 00:05:31,098
- Zorn! Zorn...
- Fellow workers...
113
00:05:31,134 --> 00:05:32,731
woman who sits on ball,
114
00:05:32,806 --> 00:05:35,273
guy who met David Spade once,
115
00:05:35,308 --> 00:05:39,143
the office from across the hall
has committed an act of war.
116
00:05:39,179 --> 00:05:40,845
They have taken our hot sauce
without asking,
117
00:05:40,880 --> 00:05:42,613
and they have not promptly
returned it.
118
00:05:42,649 --> 00:05:44,682
- Not cool!
- But there is no reason
119
00:05:44,717 --> 00:05:50,254
to fret, for I am Zorn,
Defender of Sanitation Solutions,
120
00:05:50,290 --> 00:05:52,657
Future Conqueror of VitaShock
across the hall
121
00:05:52,692 --> 00:05:54,458
and eventual decapitator
122
00:05:54,494 --> 00:05:57,061
of that guy who works at VitaShock,
123
00:05:57,096 --> 00:06:00,264
who took our hot sauce!
124
00:06:04,820 --> 00:06:06,820
Damn it.
Damn it, damn it, damn it.
125
00:06:06,856 --> 00:06:08,759
- Sorry about that.
- Zorn!
126
00:06:08,794 --> 00:06:10,414
- Sorry.
- Zorn... Oh, my God.
127
00:06:10,415 --> 00:06:10,916
Hello?
128
00:06:12,204 --> 00:06:14,237
Stay strong, little hot sauce.
129
00:06:14,272 --> 00:06:16,306
Zorn's a-coming for ya.
130
00:06:16,341 --> 00:06:18,875
- Oh, ooh! Zorn on the horn.
- Oh, hey.
131
00:06:18,910 --> 00:06:20,977
- Sorry to bug you at work...
- Well, you are. You know,
132
00:06:21,012 --> 00:06:22,879
I'm really slammed right now,
Edie. What's up?
133
00:06:22,914 --> 00:06:24,414
Well, I think Alan's getting
picked on at school.
134
00:06:24,449 --> 00:06:26,716
Wa-Wa-Wait. Hold on.
Someone's picking on my son?
135
00:06:26,752 --> 00:06:28,184
- Yes.
- Where does he live?
136
00:06:28,220 --> 00:06:29,986
What kind of armor does he wear?
Is it enchanted?
137
00:06:30,021 --> 00:06:32,222
Does he have a nervous system,
and can he experience pain?
138
00:06:32,257 --> 00:06:34,190
You're not murdering Alan's bully.
139
00:06:34,226 --> 00:06:35,625
Fine, fine.
I'll just torture him.
140
00:06:35,660 --> 00:06:38,027
Ooh! If you could do it
without leaving a mark...
141
00:06:38,063 --> 00:06:39,295
- but we both know you can't.
- Okay!
142
00:06:39,364 --> 00:06:40,897
Got it. So...
no murder, no torture.
143
00:06:40,932 --> 00:06:42,532
See, now, this is exactly
why I could never
144
00:06:42,567 --> 00:06:44,234
figure out what to get you
for our anniversary.
145
00:06:44,269 --> 00:06:47,470
I know your life used to be
full of exciting battles,
146
00:06:47,506 --> 00:06:51,040
- but those days are over, Zorn.
- No, Edie, I don't care about battles!
147
00:06:51,076 --> 00:06:55,044
That's ridiculous, I can't even...
Oh! Hot sauce!
148
00:06:55,080 --> 00:06:57,714
The battle begins.
149
00:06:57,749 --> 00:06:59,249
So just come over after work, okay?
150
00:06:59,284 --> 00:07:02,118
And try not to kill anyone.
God.
151
00:07:02,154 --> 00:07:04,454
Huh. Just as I suspected.
152
00:07:04,489 --> 00:07:07,707
24 hours later, and it's still
in the hands of the wretched.
153
00:07:07,742 --> 00:07:08,691
Oh!
154
00:07:08,727 --> 00:07:12,495
No one wanted this war,
but war it must be.
155
00:07:12,531 --> 00:07:15,965
Ooh, hoo-hoo, hoo! Yeah!
I can't wait to fight in a war again!
156
00:07:18,570 --> 00:07:20,437
Oh, man. I getting
a lot of drag up here.
157
00:07:32,484 --> 00:07:35,685
Oh, man. Show off those
curves, Son of Zorn!
158
00:07:37,289 --> 00:07:39,189
You gonna pee in there
to keep yourself warm?
159
00:07:39,224 --> 00:07:41,825
You know what, Warren?
160
00:07:41,893 --> 00:07:46,029
- You are loved.
- What?
161
00:07:46,064 --> 00:07:47,363
Nothing, never mind.
162
00:07:47,399 --> 00:07:49,466
- Did you just say "I am loved"?
- Well...
163
00:07:49,501 --> 00:07:53,036
uh, you are obviously
acting out of an insecurity.
164
00:07:53,071 --> 00:07:54,804
Insecurity?
What am I insecure about?
165
00:07:54,840 --> 00:07:56,272
Uh, you have a T-shirt on,
166
00:07:56,308 --> 00:07:57,574
and we're about
to get in the swimming pool.
167
00:07:57,609 --> 00:07:59,309
So... I can't like T-shirts?
168
00:07:59,344 --> 00:08:00,910
- Are you calling me fat?
- No! No!
169
00:08:00,946 --> 00:08:03,246
Oh!
170
00:08:03,281 --> 00:08:05,181
Hey! What's with
all the shouting?
171
00:08:05,217 --> 00:08:06,850
This ain't no chicken auction!
172
00:08:06,885 --> 00:08:09,018
What's going on,
some kind of ruckus?
173
00:08:09,054 --> 00:08:10,787
Hootenanny?
A brouhaha?
174
00:08:10,822 --> 00:08:14,557
You let me know next time
there's a fight, I want to see it.
175
00:08:14,593 --> 00:08:15,792
Swimming.
176
00:08:15,827 --> 00:08:18,995
A lot of people
don't take swimming seriously.
177
00:08:19,030 --> 00:08:21,865
Well, those people are dead now.
178
00:08:23,768 --> 00:08:26,970
The hot sauce is located
in the far northeast corner.
179
00:08:27,005 --> 00:08:29,839
Your job is to stay here,
keep watch...
180
00:08:29,875 --> 00:08:33,309
- and reset the router if the Wi-Fi goes down.
- Got it.
181
00:08:33,345 --> 00:08:35,845
Just so you know, Jakton,
I might not make it back.
182
00:08:35,881 --> 00:08:39,039
- Hell, we all might die today.
- Really?
183
00:08:39,074 --> 00:08:41,518
But in this battle,
they can never actually win.
184
00:08:41,553 --> 00:08:45,709
Because you can't defeat an idea.
185
00:08:45,744 --> 00:08:48,458
Just an old man
passing through...
186
00:08:48,493 --> 00:08:51,394
don't mind me, just...
passing through,
187
00:08:51,429 --> 00:08:54,964
making my way to the breakroom
to get some hard candy.
188
00:08:55,000 --> 00:08:58,568
Just an old man,
standing right here behind you.
189
00:08:58,637 --> 00:09:00,737
Nothing to look at.
190
00:09:00,772 --> 00:09:04,541
Ah-ha!
The hot sauce is ours!
191
00:09:04,576 --> 00:09:06,042
Hiya!
192
00:09:12,517 --> 00:09:14,250
Did everyone see that?
193
00:09:14,286 --> 00:09:17,153
I mean, I'm not... I'm not gay.
But that guy was naked!
194
00:09:17,188 --> 00:09:19,322
And they cheered for their hero,
195
00:09:19,357 --> 00:09:22,759
for they knew their burritos
would be bland no longer.
196
00:09:22,794 --> 00:09:26,129
- Why'd you have to be naked?
- Trust me, there was no other way.
197
00:09:26,164 --> 00:09:29,065
Speaking of a war that'll
never end until one man dies,
198
00:09:29,100 --> 00:09:31,367
your mom tells me
you're being teased.
199
00:09:31,403 --> 00:09:33,069
Are you serious?
Because a good friend of mine
200
00:09:33,104 --> 00:09:34,370
wrote "swamp butt"
on my backpack?
201
00:09:34,406 --> 00:09:37,140
No, that's a cool thing.
That's, like, a compliment.
202
00:09:37,141 --> 00:09:38,274
That's a swampliment.
203
00:09:38,310 --> 00:09:39,842
Hey, look. The only way
to deal with a bully
204
00:09:39,878 --> 00:09:41,210
is to stand up to him.
205
00:09:41,246 --> 00:09:42,879
Like I did, for years,
with Vulchazor.
206
00:09:42,914 --> 00:09:44,781
And more recently at work,
with the hot sauce fella.
207
00:09:44,816 --> 00:09:47,049
Dad, there's nothing
going on here, at all.
208
00:09:50,322 --> 00:09:51,788
Mm-hmm, mm-hmm.
209
00:09:51,823 --> 00:09:54,424
So I suppose "nothing"
gave you that black eye?
210
00:09:56,027 --> 00:09:57,327
Can't I just...
stay away from Warren
211
00:09:57,362 --> 00:09:58,761
until I graduate?
Or I could, you know,
212
00:09:58,797 --> 00:10:00,797
drop out and move to a cabin
and do, like...
213
00:10:00,832 --> 00:10:02,432
I don't know, online sales.
214
00:10:02,467 --> 00:10:04,434
Hey, Alangulon.
I know you think you're weak.
215
00:10:04,469 --> 00:10:07,372
But real talk, here... sometimes,
your greatest weakness
216
00:10:07,407 --> 00:10:09,219
can turn out to be
your greatest strength.
217
00:10:09,254 --> 00:10:11,341
- Now, prepare to die!
- Zorn, no!
218
00:10:11,376 --> 00:10:14,256
Stop the fighting, or I'll kick
both your asses.
219
00:10:14,291 --> 00:10:16,613
- Give me that.
- Guys, please watch it with your swords.
220
00:10:16,648 --> 00:10:18,715
The wood here is made
from reclaimed boats.
221
00:10:18,750 --> 00:10:21,284
Ah, come on! I'm showing the kid
how to take someone's life.
222
00:10:21,319 --> 00:10:22,819
I'm not showing him pornography.
223
00:10:22,854 --> 00:10:25,154
Alan is in high school.
Not a warzone.
224
00:10:25,190 --> 00:10:28,958
- Did someone hit you?
- I'm fine, Mom, okay?
225
00:10:28,994 --> 00:10:31,429
Oh, my God, did
this happen at school?
226
00:10:31,464 --> 00:10:33,129
Alan, you have
to tell me everything.
227
00:10:33,164 --> 00:10:35,398
Yeah, it's a kid in my gym class,
228
00:10:35,433 --> 00:10:37,333
and we were by
the swimming pool,
229
00:10:37,369 --> 00:10:38,835
and just, like things
happened, whatever.
230
00:10:38,870 --> 00:10:40,103
There's nothing I can
do about it, okay?
231
00:10:40,138 --> 00:10:42,805
- It is what it is.
- Look I don't want to butt in,
232
00:10:42,841 --> 00:10:45,742
but sometimes the best defense
is defense.
233
00:10:45,777 --> 00:10:49,112
I myself developed a pretty
useful maneuver back in the day.
234
00:10:49,147 --> 00:10:53,616
Okay, it's technically
not karate, but it's cool.
235
00:10:53,652 --> 00:10:56,152
Now, imagine that a bully
just pushed you in the mud,
236
00:10:56,187 --> 00:10:58,254
and she's coming back
to kick you.
237
00:10:58,289 --> 00:11:00,223
All you have to do is get down
238
00:11:00,258 --> 00:11:02,859
on the floor
and do a little maneuver
239
00:11:02,894 --> 00:11:06,629
that I like to call
"the frightened turtle."
240
00:11:06,665 --> 00:11:08,064
Craig, that's the dumbest
thing I've ever seen.
241
00:11:08,099 --> 00:11:10,600
See, I can't hear you, Zorn,
'cause I'm in my turtle shell.
242
00:11:10,635 --> 00:11:13,403
- Of course you can hear me.
- No, I didn't hear that either.
243
00:11:13,438 --> 00:11:15,204
No, you're lying because
there's no actual shell,
244
00:11:15,240 --> 00:11:16,839
so I know you can't not hear me.
245
00:11:16,875 --> 00:11:19,676
- You're a liar.
- Okay. I don't condone fighting,
246
00:11:19,711 --> 00:11:21,310
but if you're gonna do it,
let your mommy teach you.
247
00:11:21,346 --> 00:11:24,047
I have a lot of experience
with bullying.
248
00:11:24,082 --> 00:11:26,082
Mostly on the other end,
but it still applies.
249
00:11:26,117 --> 00:11:28,651
Okay, come at me.
Try to punch me.
250
00:11:28,687 --> 00:11:30,620
What? No. Okay,
this is really weird.
251
00:11:30,655 --> 00:11:31,988
Alangulon, you listen
to your mother.
252
00:11:32,023 --> 00:11:33,489
You punch her in the face!
253
00:11:33,525 --> 00:11:34,624
Alan, I'm not gonna
hurt you, I just want
254
00:11:34,659 --> 00:11:35,858
to show you a move...
come on!
255
00:11:35,927 --> 00:11:37,293
Craig, you want to step in here?
256
00:11:37,328 --> 00:11:39,429
I'd actually like to see
where this is going.
257
00:11:39,464 --> 00:11:40,963
Okay, come at me.
Try to punch me.
258
00:11:40,999 --> 00:11:43,099
Just try to punch me.
You can't punch me?
259
00:11:43,134 --> 00:11:45,301
Oh, come on, just
try to punch me, just try.
260
00:11:45,336 --> 00:11:47,470
You can't do it...
Hyah!
261
00:11:49,774 --> 00:11:51,781
- Don't kill him!
- Edie, that was so hot!
262
00:11:51,816 --> 00:11:53,376
Oh!
263
00:11:53,411 --> 00:11:56,479
Oh, my God.
I'm so sorry.
264
00:11:56,514 --> 00:11:59,315
My instincts just took over.
It was muscle memory.
265
00:11:59,350 --> 00:12:01,718
How did your muscles
remember something like that?
266
00:12:01,753 --> 00:12:04,187
I... Your dad
taught me that move.
267
00:12:04,222 --> 00:12:06,022
The Five Strike
Zephyrian Death Attack.
268
00:12:06,057 --> 00:12:08,624
- Well, four strikes of it.
- Where was that move when I was
269
00:12:08,660 --> 00:12:10,560
getting charged extra for cookie
crumbles at Mr. Yogurt?
270
00:12:10,595 --> 00:12:12,061
- Hmm.
- Look, I don't want to kill anyone
271
00:12:12,097 --> 00:12:13,796
by accident, all right?
272
00:12:13,832 --> 00:12:15,965
Don't want to kill anyone
on purpose either!
273
00:12:16,000 --> 00:12:17,400
And, Craig, I'm not
gonna do that stupid
274
00:12:17,435 --> 00:12:18,434
upside-down turtle thing.
275
00:12:18,470 --> 00:12:21,838
Okay, I'm not a warrior.
I don't want to fight anyone.
276
00:12:21,873 --> 00:12:24,807
- Just...
- Oh, Alan, I'm sorry!
277
00:12:24,843 --> 00:12:26,876
I'd hug you right now,
but one more touch from me
278
00:12:26,911 --> 00:12:28,377
and your head will explode.
279
00:12:28,413 --> 00:12:30,947
Well, we should explode
your head, Alangulon!
280
00:12:30,982 --> 00:12:34,350
'Cause it's full of wrong
ideas about battling!
281
00:12:40,343 --> 00:12:42,391
What...
282
00:12:57,942 --> 00:12:59,976
Zooorn!
283
00:13:02,736 --> 00:13:05,547
I don't want to see you
within ten feet of the breakroom
284
00:13:05,583 --> 00:13:08,317
or any bottle of hot sauce
of any condiment of any kind,
285
00:13:08,352 --> 00:13:11,286
- or any person or office.
- Yes, sir. I understand.
286
00:13:11,322 --> 00:13:13,322
This is your last chance, Zorn.
287
00:13:13,357 --> 00:13:16,725
I swear to God I'll face another
discrimination suit if I have to.
288
00:13:16,760 --> 00:13:20,229
I beat it before
and I'll beat it again!
289
00:13:25,469 --> 00:13:27,976
Zorn!
290
00:13:28,239 --> 00:13:31,807
- Zorn, it's me.
- No, Jakton, please,
291
00:13:31,842 --> 00:13:33,175
I don't want you to have
to see me like this.
292
00:13:33,210 --> 00:13:37,412
Cast from the bullpen into this
lonely hallway, all by myself.
293
00:13:37,448 --> 00:13:40,182
Which is, actually,
like my own office.
294
00:13:40,217 --> 00:13:41,783
That's pretty sweet.
295
00:13:41,819 --> 00:13:43,051
No, no, this is important.
296
00:13:43,087 --> 00:13:45,821
That guy from the other office...
things have gotten worse.
297
00:13:45,856 --> 00:13:47,889
It's not just
the hot sauce anymore.
298
00:13:47,925 --> 00:13:49,491
He ransacked the yogurts
299
00:13:49,526 --> 00:13:51,126
and those little tiny
packets of soy sauce!
300
00:13:51,161 --> 00:13:53,862
He even started taking
the cranberry cocktails.
301
00:13:53,897 --> 00:13:56,531
Well, now, hold on, he took
our cranberry cocktails?!
302
00:13:56,567 --> 00:13:58,967
Well, the battle resumes.
303
00:13:59,003 --> 00:14:01,603
Also, I'm battling a UTI,
so I kind of need those.
304
00:14:04,975 --> 00:14:08,076
Come in.
305
00:14:09,446 --> 00:14:11,546
Listen, I'm sorry
about last night.
306
00:14:11,582 --> 00:14:14,016
I guess I sort of had
a flashback to my past.
307
00:14:14,051 --> 00:14:15,684
It was kind of a rush, though.
308
00:14:15,719 --> 00:14:17,552
Remember, I was, like,
309
00:14:17,588 --> 00:14:18,787
with my arm,
and then you freaked out,
310
00:14:18,822 --> 00:14:21,590
- and you were, like, "Aah!"
- Yeah. Mom...
311
00:14:21,625 --> 00:14:24,493
Sorry. Anyway...
312
00:14:24,528 --> 00:14:26,428
I totally get that
you don't want to fight.
313
00:14:26,463 --> 00:14:28,697
- What's this?
- It's a note to your gym teacher.
314
00:14:28,732 --> 00:14:30,365
It says you're allergic to chlorine.
315
00:14:30,401 --> 00:14:34,166
So that should buy you a few
weeks away from this kid.
316
00:14:35,673 --> 00:14:38,407
Yeah, uh, thanks.
317
00:14:39,576 --> 00:14:42,911
- No! Death strike!
- Honestly...
318
00:14:42,946 --> 00:14:44,479
I don't know if I'm ever gonna
be able to touch you again.
319
00:14:44,515 --> 00:14:47,816
- Want me to look it up online?
- That would be great.
320
00:14:53,857 --> 00:14:56,358
Oh! Ugh!
321
00:14:56,393 --> 00:15:00,796
Is that blood?
Dude, I just drank blood!
322
00:15:00,831 --> 00:15:02,597
Where is he? Huh?
323
00:15:02,633 --> 00:15:06,134
Where's the guy who put
the blood in my cran-pom?
324
00:15:06,170 --> 00:15:08,303
Huh?
325
00:15:08,339 --> 00:15:09,571
Because I'm gonna
fill his mouth with blood.
326
00:15:09,606 --> 00:15:12,808
- His blood!
- Looking for me?
327
00:15:16,680 --> 00:15:20,982
- I am gonna beat your ass, bitch!
- Let's just get to the point.
328
00:15:21,018 --> 00:15:22,818
What, was that supposed
to be a joke or something?
329
00:15:22,853 --> 00:15:25,487
What's wrong, you don't
appreciate my sharp wit?
330
00:15:25,522 --> 00:15:28,190
- Dude, you're not even funny... shut up!
- Hey!
331
00:15:28,225 --> 00:15:31,226
Hey! Seriously?
Is... Is this about the hot sauce?
332
00:15:31,261 --> 00:15:33,328
'Cause there's literally three
other bottles in the pantry.
333
00:15:33,364 --> 00:15:35,197
Aw, come on, Linda!
Everyone knows you don't
334
00:15:35,232 --> 00:15:37,884
open a new bottle till
the old bottle's finished.
335
00:15:37,919 --> 00:15:39,624
- Derek Whitford!
- Damn!
336
00:15:39,659 --> 00:15:41,770
What in God's name
is the meaning of this?
337
00:15:41,805 --> 00:15:44,406
Stephen, it seems as though
our employees are having
338
00:15:44,407 --> 00:15:47,008
a disagreement over
something completely idiotic.
339
00:15:47,044 --> 00:15:50,512
- No, it's not!
- I... I'm sorry, Derek,
340
00:15:50,547 --> 00:15:52,581
- apologize to these people.
- What?
341
00:15:52,616 --> 00:15:55,384
- No, no, please don't.
- Aw, fine!
342
00:15:55,419 --> 00:15:57,085
What are you doing?
No, don't do this.
343
00:15:57,121 --> 00:15:59,454
Don't walk over here,
don't look at me, don't...
344
00:15:59,490 --> 00:16:01,022
Sorry I took
your stupid snacks.
345
00:16:01,058 --> 00:16:03,056
- What was that?
- Stop. Stop.
346
00:16:03,091 --> 00:16:05,026
I'm begging you, don't do it.
Let's just fight.
347
00:16:05,062 --> 00:16:07,362
I said I'm sorry I took
your stupid snacks!
348
00:16:07,398 --> 00:16:09,765
No... come on!
349
00:16:09,800 --> 00:16:11,633
We're going back
to the office right now.
350
00:16:11,668 --> 00:16:14,261
You haven't tweeted from the
corporate account in two hours.
351
00:16:14,296 --> 00:16:15,971
Please don't take the high road.
352
00:16:16,006 --> 00:16:18,382
Let's just fight it out.
I need this fight to happen.
353
00:16:18,417 --> 00:16:20,208
I miss it so much. Come on back.
Come on, come on, fight me.
354
00:16:20,244 --> 00:16:21,743
We can switch weapons!
355
00:16:21,779 --> 00:16:24,914
I'll... use the coat rack,
and you can use my sword.
356
00:16:29,915 --> 00:16:32,949
I gotta say I'm pretty
skeptical about this.
357
00:16:32,985 --> 00:16:35,085
But the last time
I doubted a kid's note,
358
00:16:35,120 --> 00:16:36,753
turns out he was
being kidnapped.
359
00:16:36,789 --> 00:16:41,892
Anyway, go, uh, run a few laps,
then, uh, I don't know,
360
00:16:41,927 --> 00:16:44,594
jump over a cone or something.
361
00:16:56,201 --> 00:16:58,401
Oh, my God!
362
00:16:58,437 --> 00:17:00,537
Look at your legs.
You're a total freak.
363
00:17:00,572 --> 00:17:02,672
Okay, you know what, Warren?
It's genetic.
364
00:17:02,708 --> 00:17:04,241
All right?
I'm half Zephyrian.
365
00:17:04,276 --> 00:17:06,810
Whatever you are, I can't
wait to tell everyone.
366
00:17:06,845 --> 00:17:10,647
Dude, does your sweat run upwards
to avoid your weird-ass legs?
367
00:17:10,682 --> 00:17:11,982
When you came out
of your mom,
368
00:17:12,017 --> 00:17:13,950
was she, like,
"God, what is that?"
369
00:17:13,986 --> 00:17:16,353
Whatever, I can't understand you
'cause I don't speak whale.
370
00:17:16,388 --> 00:17:22,425
- What?
- I said, I wish I could understand you,
371
00:17:22,461 --> 00:17:25,929
but I don't speak
whale language.
372
00:17:29,701 --> 00:17:30,967
Ah!
373
00:17:31,003 --> 00:17:34,404
What are you,
my five-year-old brother?
374
00:17:34,439 --> 00:17:36,239
I can't hear you.
I'm in my shell.
375
00:17:36,308 --> 00:17:38,727
I'm in my shell!
376
00:17:38,762 --> 00:17:41,978
Dude, just let
this beatdown happen.
377
00:17:47,519 --> 00:17:50,086
What the hell...
378
00:17:55,160 --> 00:17:57,761
Dude, uh, I don't...
I'm sorry.
379
00:17:59,197 --> 00:18:01,631
I'm sorry.
I'm sorry!
380
00:18:09,508 --> 00:18:11,308
I've dishonored myself in battle.
381
00:18:11,343 --> 00:18:13,710
Here, take my sword.
382
00:18:13,746 --> 00:18:15,912
Just do it fast, and
make it a clean cut.
383
00:18:15,948 --> 00:18:18,281
And please, if you will,
see to it that my head
384
00:18:18,317 --> 00:18:20,250
is wearing a skull bandana
at my funeral.
385
00:18:20,285 --> 00:18:22,619
Do you want me
to decapitate you right now?
386
00:18:22,654 --> 00:18:24,688
Yes, I would like that very much.
387
00:18:24,723 --> 00:18:27,190
- I'm not gonna do that.
- Aw, Linda, you suck.
388
00:18:27,226 --> 00:18:29,026
It's like you have
this obsession where you
389
00:18:29,027 --> 00:18:30,827
have to turn every little
thing into a battle.
390
00:18:30,863 --> 00:18:34,631
- I know, it's a real problem.
- But what you don't realize is...
391
00:18:34,666 --> 00:18:37,834
there's a high-stakes battle
going on all around you.
392
00:18:37,870 --> 00:18:40,237
All right, fine!
I'll hear you out.
393
00:18:40,272 --> 00:18:41,972
But then, seriously,
after that,
394
00:18:42,007 --> 00:18:44,207
- you got to cut off my head.
- You are a warrior
395
00:18:44,243 --> 00:18:47,177
for the Kingdom
of Sanitation Solutions.
396
00:18:47,212 --> 00:18:50,981
And the theater of war
is mall bathrooms,
397
00:18:51,016 --> 00:18:53,250
restaurant chain bathrooms,
398
00:18:53,285 --> 00:18:56,920
- convention center bathrooms.
- Airport bathrooms?
399
00:18:56,955 --> 00:18:58,422
- Duh, I think you're getting it.
- Dogs.
400
00:18:58,457 --> 00:19:00,357
- No.
- Right. Right, right, right.
401
00:19:00,392 --> 00:19:02,826
Strong-arming clients,
scrapping for your bonus,
402
00:19:02,861 --> 00:19:04,694
suppressing reports
that say our foam
403
00:19:04,730 --> 00:19:08,398
might be carcinogenic.
These are the thrills of combat.
404
00:19:08,434 --> 00:19:10,033
Okay, hold on.
So now, you're saying
405
00:19:10,068 --> 00:19:11,768
if I start doing well at my job,
406
00:19:11,804 --> 00:19:13,837
I'll have the, um,
same satisfaction
407
00:19:13,872 --> 00:19:16,907
as, like, killing off an
entire race of crab people?
408
00:19:16,942 --> 00:19:21,845
Exactly.
That's exactly what I'm saying.
409
00:19:23,348 --> 00:19:25,215
Hey, there he is!
The killer!
410
00:19:25,250 --> 00:19:28,552
The victor!
Alangulon the Brutalizer!
411
00:19:28,587 --> 00:19:29,853
I knew you had it in you, son.
412
00:19:29,888 --> 00:19:31,288
Come on, tell
the story, Alangulon.
413
00:19:31,323 --> 00:19:33,123
Dad, I've told it, like,
a million times already.
414
00:19:33,158 --> 00:19:34,724
All right, do you want to hear it again?
Probably not.
415
00:19:34,760 --> 00:19:36,426
Yeah, 'cause it's an amazing story!
416
00:19:36,462 --> 00:19:39,429
- I, uh, I kicked a fat kid.
- You're welcome.
417
00:19:39,465 --> 00:19:41,898
Well, fortunately for you,
I've taken it upon myself
418
00:19:41,934 --> 00:19:45,802
to ensure that future generations
will know the story of Alangulon,
419
00:19:45,838 --> 00:19:47,771
Kicker of Fat Kids,
420
00:19:47,806 --> 00:19:51,241
Haver of Sadistic Rage Underneath
his Effeminate Exterior!
421
00:19:51,276 --> 00:19:52,275
Boy that we're all very proud of.
422
00:19:52,311 --> 00:19:56,926
- Future Castrator of Craig!
- Oh, Zorn...
423
00:19:58,250 --> 00:20:00,951
Oh, no.
424
00:20:07,132 --> 00:20:10,667
♪ There was a lad
named Alangulon ♪
425
00:20:10,703 --> 00:20:14,538
♪ Who grew up weak
'cause his dad was gone ♪
426
00:20:14,573 --> 00:20:18,975
♪ But now that his father
is back, he's strong ♪
427
00:20:19,011 --> 00:20:21,778
♪ Who is this wonderful man? ♪
428
00:20:21,847 --> 00:20:25,349
♪ Zorn, Zorn, Zorn ♪
429
00:20:25,384 --> 00:20:29,286
♪ The greatest father
in all the land ♪
430
00:20:29,321 --> 00:20:32,689
♪ Zorn, Zorn, Zorn ♪
431
00:20:32,725 --> 00:20:36,026
♪ We sing the praises of Zorn ♪
432
00:20:36,061 --> 00:20:38,061
- # Zor... #
- # Zorn, Zorn #
433
00:20:38,097 --> 00:20:39,629
♪ Zorn, Zorn ♪
434
00:20:39,665 --> 00:20:43,400
♪ We sing the praises of Zorn ♪
435
00:20:43,435 --> 00:20:47,804
- # Zorn, Zorn... #
- Stupid Craig!
436
00:20:47,840 --> 00:20:49,973
Ruining my song with
his beautiful voice!
437
00:20:52,911 --> 00:20:55,806
Zorn, you are loved.
438
00:20:56,022 --> 00:20:59,379
sync & correction by f1nc0
~ Addic7ed.com ~
35318
Can't find what you're looking for?
Get subtitles in any language from opensubtitles.com, and translate them here.
Afrikaans
Akan
Albanian
Amharic
Arabic
Armenian
Azerbaijani
Basque
Belarusian
Bemba
Bengali
Bihari
Bosnian
Breton
Bulgarian
Cambodian
Catalan
Cebuano
Cherokee
Chichewa
Chinese (Simplified)
Chinese (Traditional)
Corsican
Croatian
Czech
Danish
English
Esperanto
Estonian
Faroese
Finnish
Frisian
Galician
Georgian
German
Greek
Guarani
Haitian Creole
Hausa
Hawaiian
Hebrew
Hmong
Hungarian
Icelandic
Indonesian
Irish
Italian
Japanese
Kazakh
Kinyarwanda
Kirundi
Kongo
Korean
Krio (Sierra Leone)
Kurdish
Kyrgyz
Laothian
Latin
Latvian
Lithuanian
Luganda
Luo
Luxembourgish
Macedonian
Malagasy
Malay
Maltese
Maori
Mauritian Creole
Moldavian
Mongolian
Myanmar (Burmese)
Montenegrin
Nepali
Norwegian
Pashto
Persian
Polish
Portuguese (Brazil)
Portuguese (Portugal)
Quechua
Romanian
Romansh
Russian
Samoan
Scots Gaelic
Serbian
Sesotho
Setswana
Seychellois Creole
Shona
Sindhi
Sinhalese
Slovak
Slovenian
Somali
Spanish
Swedish
Tajik
Thai
Tigrinya
Tonga
Turkish
Turkmen
Ukrainian
Uzbek
Vietnamese
Welsh
Wolof