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1
00:00:02,070 --> 00:00:03,700
You know, I'm just
gonna say it.
2
00:00:03,737 --> 00:00:05,407
The new art teacher
is a hottie.
3
00:00:05,439 --> 00:00:08,209
Normally, I would never
objectify a teacher,
4
00:00:08,242 --> 00:00:09,482
but...damn.
5
00:00:09,510 --> 00:00:12,150
Oh, man. That rack
really defies gravity.
6
00:00:12,180 --> 00:00:13,980
Whose rack
defies gravity?
7
00:00:14,014 --> 00:00:15,054
Hey, Graham,
look over there!
8
00:00:15,083 --> 00:00:17,153
You know, the key
to uncomfortable questions
9
00:00:17,185 --> 00:00:18,315
is distraction.
10
00:00:19,587 --> 00:00:21,917
That child screaming
is just a happy coincidence.
11
00:00:21,955 --> 00:00:23,585
Oh, my God.
She's gonna fall!
12
00:00:38,706 --> 00:00:40,066
It's gonna be okay.
13
00:00:40,108 --> 00:00:41,778
Ow!
14
00:00:41,809 --> 00:00:43,179
A bee stung me!
15
00:00:48,316 --> 00:00:49,676
It's gonna be okay.
16
00:00:49,717 --> 00:00:52,087
Thank y--
17
00:01:04,165 --> 00:01:05,625
It's gonna be...okay.
18
00:01:05,666 --> 00:01:06,766
Please.
19
00:01:11,139 --> 00:01:12,009
Thanks.
20
00:01:12,973 --> 00:01:13,943
Oh, my God.
21
00:01:13,974 --> 00:01:15,044
That was amazing.
22
00:01:15,075 --> 00:01:16,035
What just
happened?
23
00:01:16,076 --> 00:01:18,246
Will is
the new hot person.
24
00:01:18,279 --> 00:01:21,249
-- Captions by VITA --
25
00:01:23,484 --> 00:01:25,824
Thank goodness I've done
all those laundry squats.
26
00:01:25,853 --> 00:01:28,293
You know?
27
00:01:28,322 --> 00:01:30,622
I know I'm supposed to be
at the office by now,
28
00:01:30,658 --> 00:01:32,958
but I just can't
take my eyes off of this.
29
00:01:32,993 --> 00:01:34,433
Look at 'em swarm,
Miggy.
30
00:01:34,462 --> 00:01:37,132
Like wasps
on a soda can.
31
00:01:37,165 --> 00:01:39,795
Man, is it me, or am I getting
more attention than usual?
32
00:01:39,833 --> 00:01:41,303
You've got the glow.
33
00:01:41,335 --> 00:01:43,895
Your little show
of lifesaving heroics
34
00:01:43,937 --> 00:01:46,607
has wrapped you in a cloak
of sexual irresistibility.
35
00:01:46,640 --> 00:01:49,080
Mm. That'll make
for a nice change of pace.
36
00:01:49,109 --> 00:01:51,109
Wait. Does this mean you'll
finally watch sports with me?
37
00:01:51,145 --> 00:01:53,345
O-Okay, look.
Pump the brakes.
Okay.
38
00:01:53,381 --> 00:01:56,281
The glow is powerful,
yet fleeting.
39
00:01:56,317 --> 00:01:58,117
When it's gone,
it's gone.
40
00:01:58,152 --> 00:02:00,552
Damn, Douglas, how you know
so much about sex cloaks?
41
00:02:01,722 --> 00:02:04,692
It was Labor Day, 1984.
42
00:02:06,160 --> 00:02:08,800
I had just bought an outfit
off the mannequin at Penney's.
43
00:02:08,829 --> 00:02:11,969
Jeans so white, you'd go blind
just looking at them.
44
00:02:11,999 --> 00:02:14,469
And, boy, did they fit.
45
00:02:14,502 --> 00:02:15,672
Everyone wanted a piece.
46
00:02:15,703 --> 00:02:17,343
I thought
I would glow forever,
47
00:02:17,371 --> 00:02:21,011
but by the next day,
it was gone.
48
00:02:21,041 --> 00:02:23,141
Wait. I only get a day
with my sex cloak?
49
00:02:23,177 --> 00:02:24,647
That's shorter
than a tuxedo rental.
50
00:02:24,678 --> 00:02:25,808
Douglas, what do I do?
51
00:02:25,846 --> 00:02:26,976
Okay, look.
We'll hit the club.
52
00:02:27,014 --> 00:02:28,124
Don't worry about it,
kid.
53
00:02:28,148 --> 00:02:29,948
I'm not gonna let you
squander your glow.
54
00:02:29,983 --> 00:02:31,793
But you're gonna have to lose
the fanny pack.
55
00:02:34,154 --> 00:02:36,794
I wish I could stay and watch
"The Bachelor" with you.
56
00:02:36,824 --> 00:02:39,134
I've been meaning to ask you
one question, though.
Hmm?
57
00:02:39,159 --> 00:02:40,489
What's a virgin?
58
00:02:41,495 --> 00:02:44,025
So, Louisa's party's
gonna be fun, huh?
59
00:02:44,064 --> 00:02:45,304
If you call
playing marbles
60
00:02:45,333 --> 00:02:47,133
'cause they don't have cable
"fun."
61
00:02:48,336 --> 00:02:51,966
Ah. Just a strong woman
buying herself roses.
62
00:02:52,005 --> 00:02:53,735
And this is why
I tell you to just honk.
63
00:02:53,774 --> 00:02:54,984
Ror, get your stuff.
64
00:02:55,008 --> 00:02:57,648
Your mailman left this box
in the flower bed.
65
00:02:57,678 --> 00:03:00,348
You might want to think about
tipping him at Christmas.
66
00:03:00,381 --> 00:03:01,651
Please.
I'll start tipping him
67
00:03:01,682 --> 00:03:04,222
when he stops saying
he has a "big package" for me.
68
00:03:04,252 --> 00:03:06,252
All right,
drunk 2:00 AM Poppy,
69
00:03:06,287 --> 00:03:08,417
what'd you buy online
for me now?
70
00:03:08,456 --> 00:03:09,886
Hmm.
71
00:03:09,923 --> 00:03:11,093
Wow.
72
00:03:11,124 --> 00:03:12,364
"Smash Me."
73
00:03:12,393 --> 00:03:13,593
Don't do it.
Oh, I'm doing it.
74
00:03:14,595 --> 00:03:15,725
Oh!
75
00:03:15,763 --> 00:03:17,063
What is that?
76
00:03:17,097 --> 00:03:18,927
What's in here?
77
00:03:22,069 --> 00:03:23,169
Ron.
78
00:03:23,203 --> 00:03:25,743
An invitation
to your ex-husband's wedding.
79
00:03:25,773 --> 00:03:28,443
Probably wanting me
to...say something
80
00:03:28,476 --> 00:03:30,576
to help you
express your feelings.
81
00:03:30,611 --> 00:03:32,551
Onwards and upwards.
82
00:03:32,580 --> 00:03:33,610
Huh?
83
00:03:33,647 --> 00:03:36,177
Harness your womanhood.
84
00:03:36,216 --> 00:03:37,816
Yas, queen!
85
00:03:38,886 --> 00:03:40,386
Okay, well --
There, there, there.
86
00:03:40,421 --> 00:03:42,561
As much as this is not working,
you're off the hook.
87
00:03:42,590 --> 00:03:44,890
I already know you have plans
to parade "Hot Will" around town
88
00:03:44,925 --> 00:03:46,655
like a piece of meat,
so...
89
00:03:49,096 --> 00:03:50,496
You want me to stay?
90
00:03:52,300 --> 00:03:53,130
All right, ready!
91
00:03:53,166 --> 00:03:54,296
Ready?
92
00:03:54,335 --> 00:03:56,395
Ready for
some sleepover action?
93
00:03:56,437 --> 00:03:57,567
Honey,
I bring the action
94
00:03:57,605 --> 00:03:58,805
everywhere I go.
95
00:03:58,839 --> 00:04:00,439
Love you.
Love you.
96
00:04:00,474 --> 00:04:02,114
Keep marchin',
Penguin!
97
00:04:02,142 --> 00:04:03,282
Why do I
keep doing that?
98
00:04:03,311 --> 00:04:05,151
I don't know.
But I'm gonna be fine.
99
00:04:11,952 --> 00:04:13,152
Ang, Poppy.
100
00:04:13,186 --> 00:04:14,786
I need you to come over ASAP.
101
00:04:14,822 --> 00:04:16,092
We're having a "Bachelor" night.
102
00:04:16,123 --> 00:04:17,123
Dress code -- formal.
103
00:04:17,157 --> 00:04:19,327
Attitude -- full bitch mode!
104
00:04:19,360 --> 00:04:20,490
Later, Pops!
105
00:04:25,299 --> 00:04:26,299
The sleepover's canceled.
106
00:04:26,334 --> 00:04:28,304
Louisa's been taken
by the fever.
107
00:04:28,336 --> 00:04:30,666
Father...bring me
my ice bucket.
108
00:04:30,704 --> 00:04:31,774
Right away, Louisa.
109
00:04:31,805 --> 00:04:34,775
I just need
to get these children home.
110
00:04:34,808 --> 00:04:35,938
Don't worry about us.
111
00:04:35,976 --> 00:04:37,746
We've got a phone.
We'll call our dad.
112
00:04:37,778 --> 00:04:39,578
Sincerest thanks.
113
00:04:39,613 --> 00:04:41,253
Please pray
for our sweet Louisa.
114
00:04:41,281 --> 00:04:43,151
Her fever's broken 100.
115
00:04:44,618 --> 00:04:46,588
So, where are we going?
116
00:04:46,620 --> 00:04:48,960
You said you were
gonna call Douglas.
117
00:04:48,989 --> 00:04:51,989
Come on. Where's the craziest
place we can go right now?
118
00:04:54,027 --> 00:04:55,157
I got it!
119
00:04:56,196 --> 00:04:57,156
School?!
120
00:04:57,197 --> 00:04:58,997
You wanted
to go to school?
121
00:04:59,032 --> 00:05:01,542
This is what we get
for letting the nerd decide.
122
00:05:07,908 --> 00:05:11,178
Douglas: Feel that, Will?
All eyes are on you.
123
00:05:11,211 --> 00:05:13,011
They are? What about my butt?
Are they looking at my butt?
124
00:05:13,046 --> 00:05:14,846
Oh, they're looking
at everything.
125
00:05:14,882 --> 00:05:17,992
Go ahead. Let them
taste the pheromones.
126
00:05:18,018 --> 00:05:19,488
Yo, when you said,
"Let's hit the club,"
127
00:05:19,520 --> 00:05:21,290
I thought you meant
"da club."
128
00:05:21,321 --> 00:05:22,961
Here's the plan.
You're gonna walk the room,
129
00:05:22,990 --> 00:05:24,290
you're gonna get
the numbers,
130
00:05:24,324 --> 00:05:26,834
and Miggy and I,
we're gonna surf your wake.
131
00:05:29,497 --> 00:05:32,127
Okay, I opened
a third bottle of wine,
132
00:05:32,165 --> 00:05:33,495
and we are still
wearing our bras,
133
00:05:33,534 --> 00:05:35,174
which means
that we're quite tame
134
00:05:35,202 --> 00:05:37,142
considering
it's "Bachelor" night.
135
00:05:37,170 --> 00:05:38,570
Look at
all these hot people,
136
00:05:38,606 --> 00:05:42,806
you know, just falling in love
in their crocheted bikinis,
137
00:05:42,843 --> 00:05:44,343
diving off cliffs,
138
00:05:44,378 --> 00:05:46,908
which -- FYI -- is about them
taking an emotional leap.
139
00:05:46,947 --> 00:05:49,477
Okay, I feel like you're
going through something here.
140
00:05:49,517 --> 00:05:51,517
The man sent me
a wedding invitation
141
00:05:51,552 --> 00:05:53,192
that looks like
a Las Vegas production!
142
00:05:53,220 --> 00:05:54,190
Of course I am!
143
00:05:54,221 --> 00:05:56,521
Let it out.
I'm here.
144
00:05:56,557 --> 00:05:59,727
It just hit me harder than
I thought it would, you know?
145
00:05:59,760 --> 00:06:01,260
I mean, I don't want to be
married to the man.
Mnh-mnh.
146
00:06:01,294 --> 00:06:02,764
He went
to that Fyre Festival
147
00:06:02,796 --> 00:06:03,926
and came home
with no complaints.
148
00:06:03,964 --> 00:06:05,504
Why does he
get to be happy?
149
00:06:05,533 --> 00:06:07,503
No one is
supposed to be happy!
150
00:06:07,535 --> 00:06:09,435
That is the deal
we all make as a society.
151
00:06:09,470 --> 00:06:11,410
Well, you're happy.
You have a good guy.
152
00:06:11,439 --> 00:06:13,269
I know. Owen's great.
153
00:06:13,306 --> 00:06:15,076
Yeah, he left a wallet
full of cash at my place,
154
00:06:15,108 --> 00:06:16,508
and when he came back
to pick it up,
155
00:06:16,544 --> 00:06:18,614
he didn't even check to see
if anything was missing.
156
00:06:18,646 --> 00:06:20,276
Which is good
'cause I took 20 bucks.
157
00:06:20,313 --> 00:06:22,623
What?!
That is so sweet.
158
00:06:22,650 --> 00:06:25,920
Things are good with Owen now,
but that doesn't mean anything.
159
00:06:25,953 --> 00:06:28,393
Things were great with
Graham's dad in the beginning.
160
00:06:28,422 --> 00:06:30,462
No, you said
he was human trash.
161
00:06:30,491 --> 00:06:31,891
Yeah, no.
He didn't start out that way.
162
00:06:31,925 --> 00:06:32,955
They never do.
163
00:06:32,993 --> 00:06:34,633
That's how they get ya.
164
00:06:34,662 --> 00:06:36,102
There is
no happy ending.
165
00:06:36,129 --> 00:06:38,099
You either break up
or watch them die.
166
00:06:38,131 --> 00:06:40,371
Or -- Or you die,
167
00:06:40,400 --> 00:06:42,440
and then the last thought
that you have
168
00:06:42,470 --> 00:06:44,270
before you go off
into the light is,
169
00:06:44,304 --> 00:06:46,114
"Great, now I made
a hot widow
170
00:06:46,139 --> 00:06:47,779
to tramp around
the nursing home!"
171
00:06:47,808 --> 00:06:49,938
And you know what else
is straight-up baloney?!
172
00:06:49,977 --> 00:06:51,407
Girl,
don't make me beg.
173
00:06:51,445 --> 00:06:53,105
We only get disappointed
174
00:06:53,146 --> 00:06:55,916
because we're fed
all this BS about romance!
175
00:06:55,949 --> 00:06:56,749
Mm-hmm.
176
00:06:56,784 --> 00:06:58,754
By like, the media.
Yes.
177
00:06:58,786 --> 00:07:00,786
And storybooks!
Ugh!
178
00:07:00,821 --> 00:07:03,821
And the supportive messages
on Dove wrappers!
So stupid!
179
00:07:03,857 --> 00:07:05,327
Someone's gotta tell
these ladies
180
00:07:05,358 --> 00:07:06,958
that they're getting
all gussied up for nothing.
181
00:07:06,994 --> 00:07:08,964
For a lie!
Yeah.
Yeah, you're right!
182
00:07:08,996 --> 00:07:10,126
You know what?
183
00:07:10,163 --> 00:07:13,133
We owe it to these
"Bachelor" ladies to tell them
184
00:07:13,166 --> 00:07:15,136
that their blowouts
won't save 'em!
185
00:07:15,168 --> 00:07:17,238
They are group-dating
straight to hell!
186
00:07:17,270 --> 00:07:19,110
And you know what else?
This Bachelor Mansion,
187
00:07:19,139 --> 00:07:21,139
it's not some --
some faraway castle.
188
00:07:21,174 --> 00:07:23,014
It's just a house
in Agoura Hills
189
00:07:23,043 --> 00:07:24,913
that's like an hour away
from here!
190
00:07:24,945 --> 00:07:26,505
Yeah!
191
00:07:26,547 --> 00:07:29,317
Oh. Angie D'Amato.
192
00:07:29,349 --> 00:07:31,989
Are you thinking
what I'm thinking?
193
00:07:33,721 --> 00:07:34,891
Shave Will's beard.
194
00:07:35,989 --> 00:07:37,019
The Bachelor Mansion.
195
00:07:56,710 --> 00:07:59,010
This is crazy!
196
00:07:59,046 --> 00:08:01,946
We are
at the Bachelor Mansion!
197
00:08:01,982 --> 00:08:03,022
Yes!
198
00:08:03,050 --> 00:08:04,820
And the driveway's wet,
like it always is!
199
00:08:04,852 --> 00:08:06,622
No, no, no!
200
00:08:06,654 --> 00:08:09,494
Ohh! I wanted to get out of
that car, like, five more times.
201
00:08:09,523 --> 00:08:11,533
I was gonna have you shoot
a close-up of my foot.
202
00:08:11,559 --> 00:08:12,659
Yeah.
203
00:08:13,861 --> 00:08:14,831
Girl.
204
00:08:14,862 --> 00:08:18,372
Giiirrrl!
Giiirrrl!
205
00:08:20,568 --> 00:08:21,368
Okay, we're going in.
Yes!
206
00:08:23,771 --> 00:08:25,571
Super quiet.
207
00:08:25,606 --> 00:08:27,676
There's...no one...here.
208
00:08:27,708 --> 00:08:31,978
There's not a Becca or Lauren
or Jennifer H. in sight.
209
00:08:32,012 --> 00:08:33,082
Wait!
210
00:08:33,113 --> 00:08:34,383
Oh, my God.
211
00:08:34,414 --> 00:08:36,524
They're not filming
"The Bachelor"
right now, are they?
212
00:08:36,550 --> 00:08:38,820
They must have stopped shooting
months ago.
213
00:08:38,852 --> 00:08:40,892
I just realized
we don't know how TV works.
214
00:08:40,921 --> 00:08:42,561
My phone's dead.
215
00:08:42,590 --> 00:08:43,590
Damn it. Mine too.
216
00:08:43,624 --> 00:08:45,234
I told Rory
to stop wasting my battery
217
00:08:45,258 --> 00:08:47,428
with his competitive
dog-grooming videos.
218
00:08:47,460 --> 00:08:49,700
So this is
how it ends.
219
00:08:49,730 --> 00:08:51,260
We die
at the Bachelor Mansion.
220
00:08:52,432 --> 00:08:54,272
Hello? Who's there?
221
00:08:54,301 --> 00:08:57,171
Chris...Harrison?
222
00:08:57,204 --> 00:08:58,514
Hello, m'lord.
223
00:08:58,538 --> 00:08:59,938
Ladies, I don't mean
to interrupt,
224
00:08:59,973 --> 00:09:02,943
but my ears are highly sensitive
to the sound of female voices.
225
00:09:04,812 --> 00:09:06,252
Would you ladies
like to come in?
226
00:09:07,815 --> 00:09:09,945
Are you asking if...
227
00:09:09,983 --> 00:09:13,323
we would accept this invitation
to the Bachelor Mansion?
228
00:09:14,154 --> 00:09:16,094
Sorry. I just...
229
00:09:16,123 --> 00:09:17,633
Y-You know.
230
00:09:17,658 --> 00:09:20,428
It's fine. It would be weird
if you didn't do a rose thing.
231
00:09:20,460 --> 00:09:22,100
Come on in. Come on.
232
00:09:22,129 --> 00:09:23,599
Uhhhhh...
233
00:09:25,465 --> 00:09:26,925
You know,
when I woke up this morning,
234
00:09:26,967 --> 00:09:29,537
I didn't think I was gonna
save a girl's life three times.
235
00:09:29,569 --> 00:09:32,069
But fate had other ideas.
236
00:09:32,105 --> 00:09:33,605
Douglas:
I was standing next to him,
237
00:09:33,641 --> 00:09:36,111
and I could feel him
drawing strength from me.
238
00:09:36,143 --> 00:09:37,883
By the way,
I know Dennis Franz.
239
00:09:37,911 --> 00:09:40,281
Hey. I'm Bobbi --
with an "i."
240
00:09:40,313 --> 00:09:41,953
I'm Miggy --
with a "y."
241
00:09:41,982 --> 00:09:43,322
You're funny.
242
00:09:43,350 --> 00:09:44,620
You're hysterical.
243
00:09:44,652 --> 00:09:46,292
Oh. Okay.
244
00:09:46,319 --> 00:09:47,759
I'm afraid
we're out of time, ladies.
245
00:09:47,788 --> 00:09:49,818
I guess we'll see you
on the fairway.
246
00:09:49,857 --> 00:09:51,487
Miggy, quickly.
Nice to meet you.
247
00:09:51,524 --> 00:09:54,334
I got five numbers
and one fax.
Wow.
248
00:09:54,361 --> 00:09:55,731
How you doing,
gorgeous?
249
00:09:55,763 --> 00:09:58,673
Well, I'm new to being hot,
so I'm no expert, but, uh,
250
00:09:58,699 --> 00:10:01,799
is it normal to feel
both flattered and tired
251
00:10:01,835 --> 00:10:03,935
and like your soul
is caving in on itself?
252
00:10:03,971 --> 00:10:05,771
That's 'cause
you're cooking with gas!
253
00:10:05,806 --> 00:10:08,106
Hey, guys, guys. What do you
think about Bobbi with an "i"?
254
00:10:08,141 --> 00:10:09,941
Oh, please.
That was forever ago.
255
00:10:09,977 --> 00:10:11,807
She's probably dead by now.
Onward.
256
00:10:11,845 --> 00:10:13,275
Oh, hey!
It's my boss!
257
00:10:13,313 --> 00:10:14,823
I'm just gonna run
and say hi.
258
00:10:14,848 --> 00:10:16,778
No, no, no! You don't
waste your glow on your boss.
259
00:10:16,817 --> 00:10:19,747
It's like those actors who take
their moms to the Oscars.
260
00:10:19,787 --> 00:10:20,787
Yeah, I love that, too.
261
00:10:20,821 --> 00:10:22,361
Wait, wait. Wait.
262
00:10:23,657 --> 00:10:25,287
Hello.
263
00:10:25,325 --> 00:10:27,125
I know Dennis Franz.
264
00:10:27,160 --> 00:10:28,660
Tracy.
Oh, my God.
265
00:10:28,696 --> 00:10:31,666
I am so happy to see you --
a friendly face.
266
00:10:31,699 --> 00:10:33,099
Will?
What are you doing here?
267
00:10:33,133 --> 00:10:34,473
Oh --
Wait.
268
00:10:34,501 --> 00:10:35,971
Are you wearing wardrobe?
269
00:10:36,003 --> 00:10:37,503
Did you clear that
with Deborah?
270
00:10:37,537 --> 00:10:40,037
No,
these are my clothes.
271
00:10:40,073 --> 00:10:41,113
Oh. Okay.
272
00:10:41,141 --> 00:10:42,841
Do you mind if I sit?
Sure.
273
00:10:42,876 --> 00:10:44,136
I'm waiting for someone,
274
00:10:44,177 --> 00:10:45,877
Sure.
but you can...
keep me company.
275
00:10:45,913 --> 00:10:47,953
Whatcha reading? Probably
something smart, ya big nerd.
276
00:10:47,981 --> 00:10:49,121
Um...
277
00:10:49,149 --> 00:10:50,319
N.W.A.'s cookbook.
278
00:10:51,318 --> 00:10:52,948
"Straight Outta Chompton."
I know.
279
00:10:52,986 --> 00:10:55,616
You can make fun of me.
It's fine.
No, no, no, no.
280
00:10:55,655 --> 00:10:57,315
I'm not gonna make fun of you.
Let's see what we got here.
281
00:10:57,357 --> 00:10:59,187
N.W.A. nachos.
282
00:10:59,226 --> 00:11:00,786
Nachos with avocado.
283
00:11:00,828 --> 00:11:02,898
Healthy option -- great.
284
00:11:05,198 --> 00:11:06,828
Do you live here?
285
00:11:06,867 --> 00:11:10,367
No, but sometimes I get homesick
and spend the night.
286
00:11:10,403 --> 00:11:12,313
You know, do cannonballs
in the pool,
287
00:11:12,339 --> 00:11:13,969
roll around
in the rose petals --
288
00:11:14,007 --> 00:11:16,337
do all the things
I'm "discouraged" from doing
289
00:11:16,376 --> 00:11:17,406
during the show.
290
00:11:17,444 --> 00:11:19,084
Pfft.
Bad.
291
00:11:19,112 --> 00:11:20,582
But enough about me.
292
00:11:20,613 --> 00:11:22,253
Anyone have questions
about the show
293
00:11:22,282 --> 00:11:23,882
or...your love life?
294
00:11:23,917 --> 00:11:25,317
Hell yeah.
295
00:11:25,352 --> 00:11:27,052
One-on-one me, Chris.
296
00:11:27,087 --> 00:11:29,157
Why are we at the school
at nighttime?!
297
00:11:29,189 --> 00:11:31,359
This is
when the Mop Man comes!
298
00:11:31,391 --> 00:11:32,391
Who's the Mop Man?
299
00:11:32,425 --> 00:11:34,555
Janitor Henderson Sr.
300
00:11:34,594 --> 00:11:36,604
He died
in a freak boiler accident.
301
00:11:36,629 --> 00:11:38,099
Now he haunts the school,
302
00:11:38,131 --> 00:11:41,001
looking for children to kill
and turn into mops!
303
00:11:41,034 --> 00:11:42,344
We should
go block the door.
304
00:11:45,939 --> 00:11:46,939
Aah! Daaah!
305
00:11:46,974 --> 00:11:48,444
I never heard
of the Mop Man,
306
00:11:48,475 --> 00:11:51,005
and I edit Hilltop's
paranormal newsletter.
307
00:11:51,044 --> 00:11:53,254
Please. I made him up
to scare Graham.
308
00:11:53,280 --> 00:11:55,050
Guys, help me!
Come on!
309
00:11:56,083 --> 00:11:58,453
Deep down, I think
he enjoys the thrill.
310
00:11:58,485 --> 00:12:00,345
Great. D'Amato's
having a meltdown.
311
00:12:00,387 --> 00:12:03,387
Is this what you imagined,
Sophie?
312
00:12:04,958 --> 00:12:07,928
And I see her dangling there,
so I called out, "Look!
313
00:12:07,961 --> 00:12:10,601
That little girl's
about to fall!"
314
00:12:10,630 --> 00:12:12,600
Some people are calling me
the "Look Guy."
315
00:12:12,632 --> 00:12:15,302
When's the, uh...
cute one coming back?
316
00:12:18,471 --> 00:12:19,811
This is a disaster.
317
00:12:19,840 --> 00:12:23,410
We're sinking faster
than the RMS Lusitania.
318
00:12:23,443 --> 00:12:24,783
Oh, I don't know.
319
00:12:24,812 --> 00:12:27,612
I think I'm getting vibes
from Bobbi the golf lady.
320
00:12:27,647 --> 00:12:28,947
Oh, boy.
321
00:12:28,982 --> 00:12:31,282
Maybe she'll do that thing where
she puts her arms around me
322
00:12:31,318 --> 00:12:33,118
and teaches me
how to swing a golf club.
323
00:12:33,153 --> 00:12:34,453
You know,
like in "Tin Cup."
324
00:12:34,487 --> 00:12:36,117
Have you even seen
"Tin Cup"?
325
00:12:36,156 --> 00:12:37,786
Nah, dawg.
I read the synopsis.
326
00:12:37,825 --> 00:12:39,555
What the hell's
taking Will so long?
327
00:12:39,592 --> 00:12:41,802
Come on -- a whole-station
karaoke night?
328
00:12:41,829 --> 00:12:43,129
We gotta put it
on the books.
329
00:12:43,163 --> 00:12:44,333
No,
we tried it once.
330
00:12:44,364 --> 00:12:46,134
Guy McCormick
got so drunk...
Of course.
331
00:12:46,166 --> 00:12:47,796
...he stole all the mics...
332
00:12:47,835 --> 00:12:50,595
...and he treated us
to a four-hour concert.
333
00:12:50,637 --> 00:12:51,937
You know,
that sounds terrible,
334
00:12:51,972 --> 00:12:53,272
but I'm also sorta sad
I missed it.
335
00:12:55,475 --> 00:12:56,835
Mm.
336
00:12:57,811 --> 00:12:58,951
Oh.
337
00:12:58,979 --> 00:13:00,179
He's not coming.
338
00:13:00,213 --> 00:13:01,183
Shocker.
339
00:13:01,214 --> 00:13:02,284
Who's that?
340
00:13:02,315 --> 00:13:05,015
Travis,
my...boyfriend...
341
00:13:05,052 --> 00:13:06,122
kind of.
342
00:13:06,153 --> 00:13:07,623
We're always
stopping and starting.
343
00:13:07,654 --> 00:13:11,524
It's -- It's kind of like
when you're on a Ferris wheel
344
00:13:11,558 --> 00:13:13,358
and it breaks down
at the top
345
00:13:13,393 --> 00:13:16,803
and...all you can do
is kick and scream --
346
00:13:16,830 --> 00:13:19,170
"Help! I don't want
to die here!"
347
00:13:19,199 --> 00:13:20,929
Yeah, I sort of feel like
all of my relationships
348
00:13:20,968 --> 00:13:23,498
have been assembled by carnies,
so I get it.
349
00:13:24,872 --> 00:13:26,842
Do you want to get food?
350
00:13:26,874 --> 00:13:27,984
Really?
351
00:13:28,008 --> 00:13:29,638
You'd...want to do that?
352
00:13:29,676 --> 00:13:31,436
I do -- if you do.
Yeah.
353
00:13:31,478 --> 00:13:33,978
I mean, anything has got to
better than the KZOP Café.
354
00:13:34,014 --> 00:13:35,954
That's what I call
the vending machines at work.
355
00:13:36,816 --> 00:13:38,816
Okay, Will,
we need your glow!
356
00:13:38,852 --> 00:13:39,852
What?
357
00:13:39,887 --> 00:13:40,987
It's nothing.
It's just --
358
00:13:41,021 --> 00:13:43,491
Well, he's wearing
a sex cloak right now,
359
00:13:43,523 --> 00:13:45,463
and we're here to meet women --
as many as possible.
360
00:13:45,492 --> 00:13:47,292
It's a real buffet
going on.
361
00:13:47,327 --> 00:13:48,857
Oh. Well...
362
00:13:48,896 --> 00:13:51,296
I wouldn't be able
to sleep at night,
363
00:13:51,331 --> 00:13:53,631
uh, knowing I stood in the way
of you meeting
364
00:13:53,666 --> 00:13:55,836
"as many women
as possible," so...
No. No, Tracy.
365
00:13:55,869 --> 00:13:57,299
I-It's not as creepy
as it sounds!
366
00:13:57,337 --> 00:13:58,637
We've lost some time,
367
00:13:58,671 --> 00:14:01,171
but a hot baby shower
is setting up at the raw bar.
368
00:14:01,208 --> 00:14:02,338
What the hell, man?!
369
00:14:02,375 --> 00:14:04,505
Tracy and I were having
a real connection.
370
00:14:04,544 --> 00:14:05,914
You asked me to help you.
371
00:14:05,946 --> 00:14:08,146
You want to waste your window,
be my guest.
372
00:14:08,181 --> 00:14:10,351
Tracy is not
a waste of anything.
373
00:14:10,383 --> 00:14:12,053
Maybe she's exactly
what I want --
374
00:14:12,085 --> 00:14:14,415
one person
who I actually like
375
00:14:14,454 --> 00:14:16,694
and...who likes me, too.
376
00:14:16,723 --> 00:14:17,763
I mean, Miggy gets it.
377
00:14:20,060 --> 00:14:22,360
He's on my guest pass.
I can't be an accessory to this.
378
00:14:22,395 --> 00:14:23,695
Douglas, maybe...
379
00:14:23,730 --> 00:14:25,700
you shouldn't be trying
to meet a ton of women,
380
00:14:25,732 --> 00:14:28,442
and instead, invest your time
into meeting one person
381
00:14:28,468 --> 00:14:29,938
who thinks that you glow
no matter what.
382
00:14:29,970 --> 00:14:32,040
That way,
the glow never ends.
383
00:14:32,072 --> 00:14:33,942
Now I'm gonna
go after Tracy.
384
00:14:33,974 --> 00:14:35,544
And maybe
you should think about
385
00:14:35,575 --> 00:14:37,945
who you should be
going after.
386
00:14:42,249 --> 00:14:44,279
Owen is great, but when is it
gonna blow up in my face?
387
00:14:44,317 --> 00:14:45,917
Because it always does,
Chris.
388
00:14:45,953 --> 00:14:47,693
Men are trash!
389
00:14:47,720 --> 00:14:49,020
No offense.
It's fine.
390
00:14:49,056 --> 00:14:50,416
A lot of us are.
391
00:14:50,457 --> 00:14:51,617
Juan Pablo.
392
00:14:51,658 --> 00:14:53,858
What --
What am I gonna do?
393
00:14:53,893 --> 00:14:55,533
Look, every woman
who's come to this mansion
394
00:14:55,562 --> 00:14:56,902
has been hurt before.
395
00:14:56,930 --> 00:15:00,300
But they come here with no less
than 15 formal dresses
396
00:15:00,333 --> 00:15:03,443
and occasionally
a freakish costume for night 1,
397
00:15:03,470 --> 00:15:05,610
ready to put themselves
out there again.
398
00:15:05,638 --> 00:15:07,468
I know that's what you're
scared of the most, Angie.
399
00:15:07,507 --> 00:15:09,437
But you've done it
before.
400
00:15:09,476 --> 00:15:10,936
Graham's dad.
401
00:15:10,978 --> 00:15:12,978
Don't forget the twins'
karate instructor.
402
00:15:13,013 --> 00:15:15,053
Ohh. Master Gary.
403
00:15:15,082 --> 00:15:17,082
The things we did
in that dojo.
404
00:15:17,117 --> 00:15:19,287
Love is out there.
405
00:15:19,319 --> 00:15:20,789
You gotta let it in.
406
00:15:20,820 --> 00:15:22,460
Damn, Chris.
407
00:15:22,489 --> 00:15:24,719
Okay, now, I have some questions
about the fantasy suites --
Right.
408
00:15:24,757 --> 00:15:26,787
'Scuse. Coming through.
Choo-choo! Hi!
Oh. Hi.
409
00:15:26,826 --> 00:15:28,726
Do you mind if I borrow him
for a minute?
I was still talking to --
410
00:15:28,761 --> 00:15:30,501
It's gonna be real quick.
Thanks so much.
411
00:15:30,530 --> 00:15:33,000
And, uh, scoochy-scoochy.
412
00:15:33,033 --> 00:15:33,803
Here.
413
00:15:33,833 --> 00:15:34,933
Ah. Thanks, Chris.
414
00:15:34,968 --> 00:15:37,768
So, back to Ron.
Yeah.
415
00:15:37,804 --> 00:15:39,774
You know, I feel like I've done
so much work on myself,
416
00:15:39,806 --> 00:15:42,406
and now he's the one who gets
to live happily ever after?
417
00:15:42,442 --> 00:15:44,442
You're not jealous of Ron.
418
00:15:44,477 --> 00:15:46,777
What's really going on here?
Be honest.
419
00:15:46,813 --> 00:15:48,453
Okay.
420
00:15:48,481 --> 00:15:50,751
I guess I'm scared...
421
00:15:50,783 --> 00:15:52,293
that...
422
00:15:52,319 --> 00:15:53,919
it'll never happen for me.
423
00:15:56,990 --> 00:15:58,590
Poppy...
424
00:15:58,625 --> 00:16:00,255
...I've watched
23 seasons --
425
00:16:00,293 --> 00:16:02,463
group dates,
one-on-ones,
426
00:16:02,495 --> 00:16:04,655
about 150
helicopter rides.
427
00:16:04,697 --> 00:16:06,427
Ooh,
totally gonna do that.
428
00:16:06,466 --> 00:16:09,366
Yeah, they don't love it when
you take the helicopter out.
429
00:16:09,402 --> 00:16:10,642
Learned that the hard way.
430
00:16:10,670 --> 00:16:13,310
Point is, there's someone
out there for you.
431
00:16:13,340 --> 00:16:15,280
He might be closer
than you think.
432
00:16:15,308 --> 00:16:17,808
Maybe...
right in front of you.
433
00:16:17,844 --> 00:16:20,854
Ooh, Chris Harrison!
434
00:16:20,880 --> 00:16:22,520
I'm feeling a connection.
435
00:16:22,549 --> 00:16:24,219
It's not me, Poppy.
Got it.
436
00:16:24,251 --> 00:16:26,691
But falling for me is
an incredibly common occurrence.
437
00:16:26,719 --> 00:16:29,119
Ladies, I am so sorry.
I got to go.
438
00:16:29,156 --> 00:16:30,386
No!
Yeah.
439
00:16:30,423 --> 00:16:32,633
Doctor says I can't soak
more than nine hours a day.
440
00:16:32,659 --> 00:16:33,859
I've reached my limit.
441
00:16:33,893 --> 00:16:35,063
I'll see you in a bit.
442
00:16:35,095 --> 00:16:36,055
Okay.
443
00:16:36,096 --> 00:16:39,726
Is it just me,
or do you feel better?
444
00:16:39,766 --> 00:16:41,126
About, like, everything?
445
00:16:41,168 --> 00:16:42,798
I do. I mean,
I don't know what it is.
446
00:16:42,835 --> 00:16:44,665
If it's the champagne
or the mansion talking --
447
00:16:44,704 --> 00:16:46,244
Hell, part of me
feels like we're in
448
00:16:46,273 --> 00:16:47,913
a "Bachelor"-fueled
hallucination.
449
00:16:47,940 --> 00:16:50,640
I wonder that
every...day.
450
00:16:50,677 --> 00:16:52,407
Phones are charged.
There you go.
Oh! Yes!
451
00:16:52,445 --> 00:16:54,405
I updated all your apps,
as well.
452
00:16:54,447 --> 00:16:55,917
Thanks.
453
00:16:55,948 --> 00:16:57,078
You know what?
454
00:16:57,117 --> 00:16:58,817
Whatever it is,
I'm just glad
455
00:16:58,851 --> 00:17:01,121
that there might be
someone out there for me.
456
00:17:06,259 --> 00:17:07,559
Hey, Ron. it's me.
457
00:17:07,594 --> 00:17:09,504
I'm calling to RSVP
to your wedding.
458
00:17:09,529 --> 00:17:10,499
I'm coming.
459
00:17:10,530 --> 00:17:11,600
But clear some space,
460
00:17:11,631 --> 00:17:12,871
because I'm definitely
bringing a plus-one.
461
00:17:12,899 --> 00:17:14,069
I don't know who it is.
462
00:17:14,101 --> 00:17:16,441
10% chance it might be
Chris Harrison. What?!
463
00:17:16,469 --> 00:17:18,739
But whoever it is,
I'll definitely find love
464
00:17:18,771 --> 00:17:20,071
before your wedding
rolls around.
465
00:17:20,107 --> 00:17:21,607
M'kay. Bye.
466
00:17:24,944 --> 00:17:27,584
Okay, is that a bikini bottom
floating in the Jacuzzi?!
467
00:17:27,614 --> 00:17:29,454
Let's get out of here.
Ew! Out.
468
00:17:30,650 --> 00:17:32,620
Hi.
Will.
469
00:17:32,652 --> 00:17:33,922
I-I know it's weird
I'm at your house,
470
00:17:33,953 --> 00:17:36,463
but I-I was trying to text you
to explain about tonight,
471
00:17:36,489 --> 00:17:38,089
and then
you weren't responding,
472
00:17:38,125 --> 00:17:39,485
and I realized why.
473
00:17:40,460 --> 00:17:42,400
Oh, God!
Get it together, Freeze!
474
00:17:42,429 --> 00:17:44,699
Listen, I think...
you got the wrong idea
475
00:17:44,731 --> 00:17:45,771
about me tonight,
476
00:17:45,798 --> 00:17:47,528
because I wasn't there
to mee--
477
00:17:47,567 --> 00:17:48,697
Hi! A man!
478
00:17:48,735 --> 00:17:50,435
Tracy, there's a man
in your house.
479
00:17:50,470 --> 00:17:51,770
Travis, this is...
my coworker Will.
480
00:17:51,804 --> 00:17:54,044
Oh, hey. How's it going?
How are you?
481
00:17:54,073 --> 00:17:55,613
He was nice enough to
rescue my phone from the club.
482
00:17:55,642 --> 00:17:56,712
Oh. Thanks, man.
Cool.
483
00:17:56,743 --> 00:17:57,783
Oh, I'm no hero.
484
00:17:57,810 --> 00:17:59,580
I'm just a guy who saw a phone,
picked it up,
485
00:17:59,612 --> 00:18:00,882
and brought it back
to its owner.
486
00:18:00,913 --> 00:18:02,153
It's what
anyone would have done.
487
00:18:02,182 --> 00:18:04,022
Oh, cool, man.
Thanks.
You got it.
488
00:18:07,454 --> 00:18:09,294
It's hard to get off
the Ferris wheel.
489
00:18:09,322 --> 00:18:11,462
Yeah, it's why
I normally stay on the ground,
490
00:18:11,491 --> 00:18:12,631
eating funnel cake.
491
00:18:21,801 --> 00:18:24,171
You know, the last time
I wore one of these,
492
00:18:24,204 --> 00:18:25,974
I was getting fired
from a KFC.
493
00:18:26,005 --> 00:18:27,405
Shh.
494
00:18:27,440 --> 00:18:28,840
Turn that ass around.
495
00:18:33,112 --> 00:18:35,112
"Tin Cup"!
It's happening!
496
00:18:35,148 --> 00:18:37,948
* Hu-uh huh
497
00:18:48,661 --> 00:18:50,531
* Hu-uh huh
498
00:18:50,563 --> 00:18:52,473
The band's back together.
499
00:18:52,499 --> 00:18:58,869
* I know this much is true
500
00:18:58,905 --> 00:19:02,035
* Huh huh huh hu-uh huh
No. Stupid.
501
00:19:02,074 --> 00:19:08,014
* I know this much is
502
00:19:08,047 --> 00:19:09,477
* True
503
00:19:14,221 --> 00:19:16,961
* This much is true
504
00:19:16,989 --> 00:19:18,229
* This much is true
505
00:19:20,560 --> 00:19:22,360
P-P-Poppy?
Y-You're up?
506
00:19:22,395 --> 00:19:24,195
It's so late.
507
00:19:24,231 --> 00:19:25,631
Hey. Yeah.
508
00:19:25,665 --> 00:19:28,495
Um...somehow,
I thought you'd be up.
509
00:19:34,407 --> 00:19:35,737
What are you doing?
510
00:19:35,775 --> 00:19:38,305
They were right.
I am a nerd.
511
00:19:38,345 --> 00:19:39,975
Doesn't matter anyway.
512
00:19:40,012 --> 00:19:42,382
The Mop Man's gonna
murder all of us by sunrise.
513
00:19:42,415 --> 00:19:45,045
Graham,
the Mop Man isn't real.
514
00:19:45,084 --> 00:19:46,254
Rory made it up.
515
00:19:46,286 --> 00:19:47,146
What?!
516
00:19:48,588 --> 00:19:50,418
He got me again.
517
00:19:50,457 --> 00:19:52,857
Got to give it to him --
the guy's creative.
518
00:19:52,892 --> 00:19:54,032
Well...
519
00:19:54,060 --> 00:19:56,760
I know how
to get back at Rory.
520
00:20:05,104 --> 00:20:07,244
God!
Where is the Uber?!
521
00:20:07,274 --> 00:20:08,844
I have to get home
and pee.
522
00:20:08,875 --> 00:20:10,435
There's no working plumbing
in that mansion --
523
00:20:10,477 --> 00:20:11,937
but a curling iron
in every room.
524
00:20:11,978 --> 00:20:13,448
Yeah,
I didn't call one.
525
00:20:13,480 --> 00:20:14,680
I called someone else.
526
00:20:14,714 --> 00:20:16,554
Douglas?
527
00:20:23,823 --> 00:20:25,093
It hurts!
528
00:20:27,494 --> 00:20:29,034
What the hell
is he wearing?
529
00:20:29,061 --> 00:20:30,031
I don't know.
530
00:20:31,097 --> 00:20:32,597
God. I can't hold it
anymore.
531
00:20:32,632 --> 00:20:33,932
I'm just gonna
pee in the fountain.
532
00:20:33,966 --> 00:20:36,466
There's no way I'm the first
person to pee in that thing.
533
00:20:38,605 --> 00:20:40,035
I like your outfit.
534
00:20:40,072 --> 00:20:40,872
Thank you.
535
00:20:47,980 --> 00:20:49,820
Wait!!
536
00:20:49,849 --> 00:20:51,349
Don't leave me here!
537
00:20:53,586 --> 00:20:55,316
Graham: iVámonos, muchachos!
538
00:20:55,355 --> 00:20:57,085
My mom said she'd pick us up
right at 10:00.
539
00:20:57,123 --> 00:20:58,933
Relax. This is Angie
we're talking about.
540
00:20:58,958 --> 00:21:01,858
The woman's always late.
She's on Hawaiian time.
541
00:21:06,766 --> 00:21:07,926
Why are you guys
out of breath?
542
00:21:07,967 --> 00:21:09,237
Why are you in a gown?
543
00:21:09,268 --> 00:21:10,598
Just get in the van,
Rory.
544
00:21:11,938 --> 00:21:13,268
So,
how was Louisa's?
545
00:21:13,306 --> 00:21:14,406
Sophie: Fun.
Really?
546
00:21:14,441 --> 00:21:16,181
She kinda creeps me out.
36399
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