Would you like to inspect the original subtitles? These are the user uploaded subtitles that are being translated:
1
00:00:00,150 --> 00:00:02,690
(lid squeaks, clunks)
2
00:00:04,550 --> 00:00:07,050
Come on. Come on.
Come on!
3
00:00:07,060 --> 00:00:08,560
Ow! Aah!
4
00:00:11,630 --> 00:00:14,390
♪ Said I'm all about it ♪
5
00:00:14,390 --> 00:00:16,760
♪ 'Cause I got soul
and I won't quit ♪
6
00:00:16,760 --> 00:00:19,120
♪ And your dad don't like it
when I talk my... ♪
7
00:00:19,130 --> 00:00:21,130
Brian!
Brian, I got it!
8
00:00:21,130 --> 00:00:23,560
- Got what? -The new job
that I applied for in Italy.
9
00:00:23,570 --> 00:00:26,105
- I got it.
- Hey, congratulations, man!
10
00:00:26,106 --> 00:00:27,330
I knew it!
Didn't I tell you?
11
00:00:27,340 --> 00:00:29,240
You think positive,
you test positive!
12
00:00:29,240 --> 00:00:31,240
Preach that to all my clients.
13
00:00:31,240 --> 00:00:35,040
- Yeah. -I finally get to leave
the worst job in history...
14
00:00:35,040 --> 00:00:37,470
Bad pay, an evil boss.
15
00:00:37,480 --> 00:00:39,515
Oh, before you go,
any suggestions
16
00:00:39,516 --> 00:00:42,580
on what nice thing I can say
to Fat Rob in accounting?
17
00:00:42,580 --> 00:00:46,640
No more office that thinks being
eco-friendly means having only one toilet,
18
00:00:46,650 --> 00:00:49,210
and a break room
you can't even take a break in.
19
00:00:50,790 --> 00:00:52,460
Then there's Audrey.
20
00:00:54,160 --> 00:00:57,090
Audrey Piatigorsky.
She is perfect.
21
00:00:57,090 --> 00:00:58,830
(birds chirping)
22
00:00:58,840 --> 00:01:00,580
- ♪ I just wanna leak ♪
- ♪ What? ♪
23
00:01:00,580 --> 00:01:02,320
♪ Not literally leak,
wanna push the music ♪
24
00:01:02,330 --> 00:01:04,090
Kevin: Everything she
does and says...
25
00:01:04,100 --> 00:01:07,070
and how she smiles and laughs.
26
00:01:07,070 --> 00:01:10,070
♪ Screaming "Who want what?"
Now, please be warned ♪
27
00:01:10,070 --> 00:01:11,270
Of course, she's got
this awful boyfriend
28
00:01:11,270 --> 00:01:12,800
she's had
since college... Brock.
29
00:01:12,810 --> 00:01:15,480
I think he might actually be
30
00:01:15,480 --> 00:01:17,410
the mean coachfrom The Karate Kid.
31
00:01:17,410 --> 00:01:18,770
(squawks, thuds)
32
00:01:18,780 --> 00:01:20,480
Not Mr. Miyagi,
the white dude.
33
00:01:20,480 --> 00:01:22,220
- The white dude. Yeah.
- Yeah.
34
00:01:23,550 --> 00:01:25,490
♪ Oh oh oh oh ♪
35
00:01:27,520 --> 00:01:29,350
(music slows, stops)
36
00:01:29,350 --> 00:01:32,650
(scoffs) He has no idea
how lucky he is, you know?
37
00:01:32,660 --> 00:01:35,360
But I've known. I've known
since my first day at work.
38
00:01:35,360 --> 00:01:37,090
Hi, nice to meet you.
39
00:01:37,090 --> 00:01:41,150
Ooh. I think you have something
on your teeth, right here.
40
00:01:41,160 --> 00:01:42,790
Oh.
41
00:01:42,800 --> 00:01:45,065
That's when you knew
she was your dream girl?
42
00:01:45,066 --> 00:01:47,330
Man, you come face-to-face
with a hundred people a day,
43
00:01:47,330 --> 00:01:50,190
and nobody says anything about
the spinach in your teeth.
44
00:01:50,200 --> 00:01:52,100
- Yeah.
- And there's one person...
45
00:01:52,100 --> 00:01:54,360
who actually does say something.
46
00:01:54,370 --> 00:01:56,130
Well, that's Audrey.
47
00:01:56,140 --> 00:01:58,540
She's different.
She's special.
48
00:01:59,540 --> 00:02:03,440
But she'll never be with me, and I can't
take sitting next to her every day, man.
49
00:02:03,450 --> 00:02:05,850
It's driving me crazy.
Monday cannot come soon enough.
50
00:02:05,850 --> 00:02:09,220
Huh? You...
You're going Monday?
51
00:02:09,220 --> 00:02:11,190
- Yes.
- Oh, I see what you're doing.
52
00:02:11,190 --> 00:02:14,190
You're telling me at work
so I don't make a scene,
53
00:02:14,190 --> 00:02:15,220
'cause I gotta be professional.
54
00:02:15,220 --> 00:02:16,380
- Brian.
- Don't.
55
00:02:17,690 --> 00:02:21,190
(sighs) I wish I could
go with you, man.
56
00:02:21,190 --> 00:02:23,890
Living in Los Angeles always felt
like part one of our friendship,
57
00:02:23,900 --> 00:02:26,800
and you know the sequel
always takes place in Europe.
58
00:02:26,800 --> 00:02:29,640
- I'm sorry. -Crazy, wrong-side-
of-the-road driving,
59
00:02:29,640 --> 00:02:31,590
topless girls at the beach,
60
00:02:31,600 --> 00:02:33,560
foreign girls that say
my name like this... "Brai-en."
61
00:02:33,570 --> 00:02:37,210
- Dude, you can come visit me.
- I made $400 last year, Kevin.
62
00:02:37,210 --> 00:02:40,140
- Where am I going? -Okay, well,
I'm coming home for Christmas.
63
00:02:40,140 --> 00:02:43,170
I got it! You miss your
flight 'cause of a snowstorm.
64
00:02:43,180 --> 00:02:45,450
Uh-oh, a fake Santa Claus
steals all of our gifts.
65
00:02:45,450 --> 00:02:47,450
And guess what.
In the end,
66
00:02:47,450 --> 00:02:50,250
you know we're gonna learn that life
lesson about the power of friendship.
67
00:02:50,250 --> 00:02:52,850
This is gonna work.
(kisses) Let's go.
68
00:02:52,850 --> 00:02:55,610
- Come here.
- (theme music playing)
69
00:03:01,190 --> 00:03:05,490
(cell phone ringing)
70
00:03:07,760 --> 00:03:09,920
- (sighs)
- (beeps)
71
00:03:09,930 --> 00:03:12,230
- Hello?
- Are you so excited?
72
00:03:12,230 --> 00:03:14,830
I'm so excited.
I already love Los Angeles,
73
00:03:14,840 --> 00:03:17,470
and I'm only in
San Bernan-dinano or whatever.
74
00:03:17,470 --> 00:03:20,170
Moving on a whim
was the perfect plan, Kev.
75
00:03:20,170 --> 00:03:21,470
Are you so excited?
I'm so excited.
76
00:03:21,470 --> 00:03:22,800
I actually am excited.
77
00:03:22,810 --> 00:03:24,940
I got a new job in Italy,
78
00:03:24,940 --> 00:03:27,240
so I am moving out.
79
00:03:27,250 --> 00:03:29,210
What? Kev, that's amazing!
80
00:03:29,210 --> 00:03:30,640
This works out kind
of perfectly, 'cause...
81
00:03:30,650 --> 00:03:32,320
Can I be like
a thousand percent honest?...
82
00:03:32,320 --> 00:03:34,220
I didn't really wanna share
an apartment with you.
83
00:03:34,220 --> 00:03:35,650
You're my brother
and I love you,
84
00:03:35,650 --> 00:03:37,520
but like a million
percent honest,
85
00:03:37,520 --> 00:03:39,560
I thought it'd be super weird
when I brought guys back there.
86
00:03:39,560 --> 00:03:41,550
And guess what.
That is happening.
87
00:03:41,560 --> 00:03:44,390
- Probably kind of a lot.
- Okay, Roxanne.
88
00:03:44,390 --> 00:03:46,750
Ooh! Roxie.
Roxanne sounds slutty.
89
00:03:46,760 --> 00:03:49,560
Oh, I gotta go, Kev. I'm gonna
flash my boobs at this cute guy.
90
00:03:49,560 --> 00:03:52,960
Hey, you! Can you tell
your kids to cover their eyes?
91
00:03:57,340 --> 00:03:59,900
- (chuckles)
- So, it's true?
92
00:03:59,900 --> 00:04:04,830
- (drawer shuts)
- Yes, I... I quit.
93
00:04:04,840 --> 00:04:08,240
No, that you have a weird
paper clip and binder fetish.
94
00:04:08,240 --> 00:04:11,270
- Everyone's been talking about it.
- (both laugh)
95
00:04:11,280 --> 00:04:14,850
Yeah, well...
Yeah, no... no fetishes here.
96
00:04:16,220 --> 00:04:18,320
Unless my partner's into that,
and then, you know,
97
00:04:18,320 --> 00:04:19,660
put me in pigtails,
give me a lollipop,
98
00:04:19,660 --> 00:04:21,680
and let's start
changing some diapers.
99
00:04:22,960 --> 00:04:25,330
Yeah, that stuff is weird.
100
00:04:26,530 --> 00:04:28,900
So weird.
I don't know why I said that.
101
00:04:28,900 --> 00:04:32,400
- It's so...
- Hey, guys, lay low.
102
00:04:32,400 --> 00:04:34,000
Julia's handing out
a crappy account...
103
00:04:34,000 --> 00:04:36,400
Dreyerson Nursing Home
and Hospice Spa.
104
00:04:36,400 --> 00:04:37,960
Nothing but Ensures
and seltzers,
105
00:04:37,970 --> 00:04:40,240
it's way out in the
boonies, and it reeks.
106
00:04:40,240 --> 00:04:43,010
Ricky! That is not
your business!
107
00:04:43,010 --> 00:04:45,010
Sorry, boss!
108
00:04:45,010 --> 00:04:47,010
Like, urine with a dash
of hummus or something.
109
00:04:47,010 --> 00:04:48,810
It's real bad smell
over at Dryerson.
110
00:04:48,810 --> 00:04:51,010
- Oh, that is so gross, Ricky.
- Hey, a bunch of us
111
00:04:51,010 --> 00:04:53,540
- wanna get together in your honor tonight.
- Oh, you guys don't...
112
00:04:53,550 --> 00:04:55,850
- How fun!
- Sure, great. Where? When?
113
00:04:55,850 --> 00:04:57,650
- Oh, I wish I could go.
- What?
114
00:04:57,650 --> 00:05:00,010
Brock has his big tournament tonight.
It's regionals.
115
00:05:00,020 --> 00:05:02,390
Or is it semi-regionals? Or
is it semi-final regionals?
116
00:05:02,390 --> 00:05:04,290
Is there such a thing
as regional regionals?
117
00:05:04,290 --> 00:05:07,390
- Nope. That'd be weird.
- You're so devoted.
118
00:05:07,390 --> 00:05:09,790
Craftworks Gastropub
and Tapas Bar.
119
00:05:09,800 --> 00:05:11,730
Six o'clock.
It's gonna be epic,
120
00:05:11,730 --> 00:05:15,300
especially if we can get a
booth by the air conditioner.
121
00:05:15,300 --> 00:05:17,340
(rock music playing)
122
00:05:21,300 --> 00:05:22,930
Brian: I'm gonna be
fine without you here.
123
00:05:22,940 --> 00:05:25,610
Me and Ricky,
we gonna turn it up!
124
00:05:26,610 --> 00:05:28,610
So, what you gonna do
with all your old furniture?
125
00:05:28,610 --> 00:05:31,310
- You gonna give it away or...? -Oh,
I was gonna leave it for my sister.
126
00:05:31,310 --> 00:05:33,770
- I'm sorry, man.
- Pssh! Don't be, okay?
127
00:05:33,780 --> 00:05:36,340
I look like the type of guy that
wants hand-me-down furniture?
128
00:05:36,350 --> 00:05:37,920
Uh-uhh!
129
00:05:37,920 --> 00:05:39,390
What you gonna do
with all your old clothes?
130
00:05:39,390 --> 00:05:40,990
You gonna give those away?
131
00:05:41,990 --> 00:05:44,730
- (wind gusts)
- (ethereal music playing)
132
00:05:46,760 --> 00:05:48,560
I'm coming, Ricky!
133
00:05:51,330 --> 00:05:53,830
(chirping)
134
00:05:59,070 --> 00:06:00,900
(music slows, stops)
135
00:06:00,900 --> 00:06:03,400
- (rock music playing)
- Kevin! You guys are still here!
136
00:06:03,410 --> 00:06:06,980
I thought you guys couldn't make it.
The finals or whatev...
137
00:06:06,980 --> 00:06:08,880
Quarter regional finals
of the semis.
138
00:06:08,880 --> 00:06:10,845
Kicked ass in record speed.
Pow, pow!
139
00:06:10,846 --> 00:06:13,470
- (laughs) Yeah. -Couldn't
have done it without her.
140
00:06:13,480 --> 00:06:15,320
- She paid my entrance fee.
- She...
141
00:06:20,080 --> 00:06:23,080
- Come on, babe, let's dance.
- Oh! (laughing)
142
00:06:23,090 --> 00:06:25,090
Whoo!
143
00:06:27,620 --> 00:06:33,390
Mmm! Looks like the quarterback
needs a chaperon for the prom.
144
00:06:33,390 --> 00:06:35,050
Hey, get lost!
Score some weed!
145
00:06:38,400 --> 00:06:40,400
Kevin! Come on!
146
00:06:40,400 --> 00:06:41,735
Oh, no, no, no.
I can't.
147
00:06:41,736 --> 00:06:44,560
Aww! You'll never see
any of us ever again!
148
00:06:44,570 --> 00:06:49,480
(ballad playing)
149
00:06:50,740 --> 00:06:52,370
So, what's your new job?
150
00:06:52,380 --> 00:06:55,040
Well, it's still in food supply,
151
00:06:55,040 --> 00:06:59,540
but... it's a little closer to
what I actually want to be doing.
152
00:07:00,650 --> 00:07:02,580
Which is...?
153
00:07:02,580 --> 00:07:05,110
- Oh, you wanna hear that too?
- (both laugh)
154
00:07:05,120 --> 00:07:08,560
Wow. We are...
We are really talking here.
155
00:07:09,990 --> 00:07:12,860
I, uh...
156
00:07:12,860 --> 00:07:16,590
I wanna own like a little hotel
or something someday.
157
00:07:17,560 --> 00:07:20,400
You know,
the whole hospitality thing.
158
00:07:20,400 --> 00:07:22,700
Well, you'd be so good at that.
159
00:07:22,700 --> 00:07:25,130
I mean, you're always
taking care of everyone.
160
00:07:26,630 --> 00:07:29,360
I'm really gonna miss
you taking care of me.
161
00:07:33,070 --> 00:07:37,070
- Are you okay?
- Yeah, I'm great. I'm great.
162
00:07:38,010 --> 00:07:40,680
My goodbye party.
I'm saying goodbye.
163
00:07:43,380 --> 00:07:45,220
Why wouldn't that be great?
164
00:07:45,220 --> 00:07:47,920
Okay, I'll drop it.
165
00:07:48,880 --> 00:07:51,950
But you know you can
tell me things, right?
166
00:07:51,950 --> 00:07:55,010
I mean, we have shared a crappy cubicle
wall for three years, after all.
167
00:07:55,020 --> 00:07:58,650
(ballad continues playing)
168
00:07:58,660 --> 00:08:00,060
Audrey...
169
00:08:02,260 --> 00:08:05,590
Actually, there is something
I do wanna tell you.
170
00:08:05,600 --> 00:08:06,970
What is it?
171
00:08:08,570 --> 00:08:11,180
Babe, we gotta go, okay?
172
00:08:11,180 --> 00:08:13,800
Your boss is about to hurl and
she wants me to hold her hair.
173
00:08:13,800 --> 00:08:16,530
♪ Hey, what's the news? ♪
174
00:08:16,540 --> 00:08:19,780
♪ And who's holding
you tonight? ♪
175
00:08:23,210 --> 00:08:27,510
♪ Hope he's good
to you in time ♪
176
00:08:29,280 --> 00:08:32,280
Oh! That is why
I don't do that.
177
00:08:32,290 --> 00:08:36,290
♪ I just saw you
in a passing parade ♪
178
00:08:36,290 --> 00:08:37,820
Oh.
179
00:08:42,130 --> 00:08:44,060
Morning!
Hi, Kevin.
180
00:08:44,060 --> 00:08:47,560
Hey, buddy.
What's up, kid?
181
00:08:47,560 --> 00:08:52,160
♪ And I didn't
sign the forms ♪
182
00:08:52,170 --> 00:08:55,270
♪ Didn't take the right time ♪
183
00:08:55,270 --> 00:08:59,570
♪ 'Cause I couldn't wait
that long ♪
184
00:08:59,570 --> 00:09:02,300
♪ And if you don't need
a rich man ♪
185
00:09:02,310 --> 00:09:05,780
♪ Pray tell,
for I am here ♪
186
00:09:05,780 --> 00:09:07,620
Oh boy.
187
00:09:08,880 --> 00:09:12,310
♪ God's own dumb angel ♪
188
00:09:12,320 --> 00:09:16,220
♪ God's own dumb angel ♪
189
00:09:16,220 --> 00:09:19,020
♪ God's own dumb... ♪
190
00:09:19,020 --> 00:09:21,250
Roxie:
Whoo! I'm here!
191
00:09:21,260 --> 00:09:24,130
Oh...!
What happened last night?
192
00:09:24,130 --> 00:09:26,090
Oh, I stayed with a guy
193
00:09:26,090 --> 00:09:29,290
who is the cousin of a guy
that I dated in high school.
194
00:09:29,300 --> 00:09:31,200
Well, I mean,
I was in high school,
195
00:09:31,200 --> 00:09:33,670
he was just finishing up
community college...
196
00:09:33,670 --> 00:09:36,150
or community service. By the way,
those are not the same thing.
197
00:09:37,570 --> 00:09:39,305
Why is your furniture
still here?
198
00:09:39,306 --> 00:09:41,760
I was leaving it for you,
so you wouldn't have to buy any.
199
00:09:41,770 --> 00:09:45,270
- Oh, that's so super sweet of you.
- No, no.
200
00:09:45,280 --> 00:09:47,345
- (both grunt)
- But this is the kind of stuff
201
00:09:47,346 --> 00:09:50,940
you leave on the curb, and you see a drunk
person passed out on it the next day.
202
00:09:50,950 --> 00:09:54,320
But this drunk person is gonna be
passed out on something way nicer.
203
00:09:54,320 --> 00:09:56,790
Roxie, I'm feeling weird
about leaving you.
204
00:09:56,790 --> 00:09:59,620
I mean, you're a little too
immature to be out here on your own.
205
00:09:59,620 --> 00:10:03,020
- I can't believe Mom is okay with this.
- I am very mature, okay?
206
00:10:03,020 --> 00:10:05,890
And when Mom realizes I'm not in
my room, I'll text her for sure.
207
00:10:05,890 --> 00:10:07,050
Okay, I'm gonna give her a call.
208
00:10:07,060 --> 00:10:09,160
She wanted to know
my flight info anyway.
209
00:10:09,160 --> 00:10:12,360
Kev, get on that. God, the poor
woman's probably panicked.
210
00:10:12,370 --> 00:10:14,940
- Ooh, hey, from my new company in Italy.
- What's wrong with you?
211
00:10:14,940 --> 00:10:17,030
Wait. What?
212
00:10:17,040 --> 00:10:18,740
Canceled?
213
00:10:19,340 --> 00:10:21,710
"Gourmet Couture
regrets to inform you
214
00:10:21,710 --> 00:10:23,275
"that unseasonably warm weather
215
00:10:23,276 --> 00:10:25,600
"has adversely affected
the truffle crop.
216
00:10:25,610 --> 00:10:27,710
"As such, we no longer need
217
00:10:27,710 --> 00:10:29,700
"a truffle oil
and sea salt manager."
218
00:10:32,110 --> 00:10:35,640
But I was gonna be the truffle
oil and sea salt manager.
219
00:10:35,650 --> 00:10:36,790
(hip-hop music playing)
220
00:10:36,790 --> 00:10:39,610
I can't believe
that job fell through!
221
00:10:39,620 --> 00:10:41,660
Now I have to live
with my stupid sister
222
00:10:41,660 --> 00:10:43,790
and beg to get
my stupid job back.
223
00:10:43,790 --> 00:10:46,660
Hey, man, at least you get to reunite
with your stupid best friend.
224
00:10:46,660 --> 00:10:49,630
- What's up? -I bet Audrey
hates me right now.
225
00:10:49,630 --> 00:10:52,665
I got so drunk last night, I probably
made a total idiot out of myself.
226
00:10:52,666 --> 00:10:54,190
- Mmm.
- You know, it's funny.
227
00:10:54,200 --> 00:10:55,830
I don't know exactly what I did,
228
00:10:55,830 --> 00:10:57,860
but for some reason,
I don't feel like
229
00:10:57,870 --> 00:11:01,070
all my feelings for Audrey
are all bottled up anymore.
230
00:11:01,070 --> 00:11:03,640
Oh, that's the release that
comes from getting a hooker.
231
00:11:03,640 --> 00:11:05,390
It's a very distinct feeling.
232
00:11:05,390 --> 00:11:07,140
It's kinda like a caterpillar
coming out of its egg.
233
00:11:07,140 --> 00:11:10,070
I did not get a hooker.
I just feel, like, at peace.
234
00:11:10,080 --> 00:11:12,220
You didn't drunk-dial her,
did you?
235
00:11:13,410 --> 00:11:15,670
No, no, no, no.
No, no, no, no.
236
00:11:15,680 --> 00:11:16,910
Please no, please no.
237
00:11:16,920 --> 00:11:19,220
(sighs deeply)
Thank God.
238
00:11:19,220 --> 00:11:22,020
- No calls.
- Okay.
239
00:11:24,120 --> 00:11:26,280
(ominous music playing)
240
00:11:31,990 --> 00:11:33,190
Oh!
241
00:11:39,700 --> 00:11:42,670
Email. "Dear Audrey,
242
00:11:42,670 --> 00:11:45,240
- "I've wanted to get something
off my chest." -(chimes)
243
00:11:46,440 --> 00:11:48,810
Die, Smart Type!
(grunts)
244
00:11:51,910 --> 00:11:54,080
- (beeps)
- (grunts)
245
00:11:54,080 --> 00:11:56,420
We'll do it
the old-fashioned way.
246
00:12:01,780 --> 00:12:02,780
(grunts)
247
00:12:04,990 --> 00:12:06,090
Garbage.
248
00:12:07,390 --> 00:12:10,190
Nobody says that.
249
00:12:10,190 --> 00:12:13,150
(ethereal music playing)
250
00:12:29,280 --> 00:12:32,240
(lid squeaks, clunks)
251
00:12:32,240 --> 00:12:34,070
(hip-hop music playing)
252
00:12:34,080 --> 00:12:35,310
Oh no.
253
00:12:35,310 --> 00:12:37,010
What?
254
00:12:40,920 --> 00:12:42,320
Come on, come on, come on.
255
00:12:42,320 --> 00:12:44,790
Yup. No! My tie.
256
00:12:44,790 --> 00:12:46,260
(shouts angrily)
257
00:12:46,260 --> 00:12:49,160
(tires screech)
258
00:12:53,130 --> 00:12:55,230
I'm sorry, I have to...
259
00:12:55,230 --> 00:12:57,230
Sorry, big fella,
just gonna get...
260
00:12:57,230 --> 00:12:59,370
Hi. This can
probably wait. Sure.
261
00:12:59,370 --> 00:13:01,130
Hi. Good morning.
262
00:13:01,130 --> 00:13:03,230
I have a mail emergency.
263
00:13:03,240 --> 00:13:06,500
I accidentally mailed
a letter to a girl.
264
00:13:06,500 --> 00:13:09,270
It was very stupid,
I was very drunk,
265
00:13:09,270 --> 00:13:12,070
and I really need
to get it back.
266
00:13:16,350 --> 00:13:18,910
Okay. I can tell
you are not gonna
267
00:13:18,910 --> 00:13:21,110
help me with this, are you?
268
00:13:21,120 --> 00:13:23,380
Of course I'll help.
No problem.
269
00:13:23,380 --> 00:13:26,180
- (truck beeping) -Oh my God, thank you.
Thank you so much.
270
00:13:26,190 --> 00:13:28,220
You know,
if you don't mind my saying,
271
00:13:28,220 --> 00:13:30,820
you're not like
I expected you to be.
272
00:13:30,820 --> 00:13:33,920
Sassy, right?
You expected me to be sassy.
273
00:13:33,930 --> 00:13:36,260
Well, not all big, black women
274
00:13:36,260 --> 00:13:40,190
act as if they should play a judge
in a Jason Segel movie, right?
275
00:13:40,200 --> 00:13:43,000
I was not thinking...
Yes, I was.
276
00:13:44,070 --> 00:13:47,270
- (revving) -No, no, no!
No, no, no, no, no, no!
277
00:13:47,270 --> 00:13:49,410
No! Please stop!
278
00:13:52,240 --> 00:13:55,340
Two more seconds.
I... wait, I...
279
00:13:55,340 --> 00:13:58,170
There was another woman here
who was gonna help me
280
00:13:58,180 --> 00:14:00,880
find a letter that I
accidentally mailed to a girl.
281
00:14:00,880 --> 00:14:02,980
Maybe she...
Could she come back?
282
00:14:02,980 --> 00:14:06,040
She could. She could even eat a
salad for lunch if she wanted,
283
00:14:06,050 --> 00:14:07,380
but she's not going to.
284
00:14:07,390 --> 00:14:09,120
So, why don't you
run along, little man?
285
00:14:09,120 --> 00:14:11,860
Oh, next time, just do
what the rest of us do...
286
00:14:11,860 --> 00:14:14,230
Text her a pic of your junk.
287
00:14:14,230 --> 00:14:17,000
- You're the sassy one?
- Mm-hmm.
288
00:14:18,300 --> 00:14:21,000
Here's my problem...
I don't have the $800
289
00:14:21,000 --> 00:14:23,830
that it would take for me to get
my car out of your tow yard, so...
290
00:14:24,830 --> 00:14:26,890
Please, sir, don't make me beg.
291
00:14:27,840 --> 00:14:30,470
Let a man keep
his dignity. Hello?
292
00:14:31,400 --> 00:14:34,300
- (sighs) -You look
weird on that baby bed.
293
00:14:34,310 --> 00:14:36,540
It's not a baby bed.
It's a Utenglock Grow-With-Me.
294
00:14:36,540 --> 00:14:38,230
And since you're not
giving me my room back,
295
00:14:38,240 --> 00:14:40,800
I had to buy the only thing
that would fit out here.
296
00:14:40,810 --> 00:14:42,970
How am I gonna face Audrey
at work tomorrow?
297
00:14:42,980 --> 00:14:44,320
Come on,
what are you worried about?
298
00:14:44,320 --> 00:14:46,410
She won't even have
your lame love letter yet.
299
00:14:47,420 --> 00:14:49,920
Oh my God, you're right. There's
no way she would get her mail
300
00:14:49,920 --> 00:14:52,390
before she left for work tomorrow.
I can undo this!
301
00:14:52,390 --> 00:14:53,920
I just have to go
to her apartment tomorrow
302
00:14:53,920 --> 00:14:55,920
and plead with the mailman
to give it to me!
303
00:14:55,920 --> 00:14:59,320
After I go into work and plead
with Julia to give me my job back.
304
00:14:59,330 --> 00:15:02,030
Okay, Kevin, you're like family.
305
00:15:02,030 --> 00:15:04,500
No, better than family.
306
00:15:04,500 --> 00:15:07,070
- You came to my intervention.
- Yes, I did,
307
00:15:07,070 --> 00:15:10,400
and I promise I will...
be at the next one.
308
00:15:10,400 --> 00:15:13,260
Mmm. You are saying
all the right things.
309
00:15:13,270 --> 00:15:16,000
I'll let you know.
310
00:15:16,010 --> 00:15:19,180
You'll let me know. So, maybe.
Okay. Thank you.
311
00:15:20,280 --> 00:15:21,850
(shudders)
312
00:15:24,880 --> 00:15:26,940
(snapping fingers)
313
00:15:26,950 --> 00:15:29,120
Audrey:
Kevin? Are you still here?
314
00:15:29,120 --> 00:15:31,120
Aren't you supposed
to be in Italy?
315
00:15:31,120 --> 00:15:35,020
Yeah, that, uh... that job
actually fell through.
316
00:15:35,020 --> 00:15:37,450
Oh, Kevin.
I'm so sorry.
317
00:15:37,460 --> 00:15:39,890
Don't be, don't be. I don't
even really like truffles.
318
00:15:39,890 --> 00:15:41,390
They smell like farts.
319
00:15:44,060 --> 00:15:47,220
Anyway, I think that Julia
will probably let me stay
320
00:15:47,230 --> 00:15:50,560
once she sees how
committed to the job I am.
321
00:15:50,570 --> 00:15:54,370
I'll see you later. I'm gonna
take the rest of the day off.
322
00:15:54,370 --> 00:15:56,870
Whoa!
Uh, what are you doing?
323
00:15:56,870 --> 00:15:59,370
I have a horrible headache.
Julia said I could go home
324
00:15:59,380 --> 00:16:01,745
if I came in early tomorrow
and walked on her back.
325
00:16:01,746 --> 00:16:04,040
No! No, you don't
want to do that.
326
00:16:04,050 --> 00:16:06,680
She... flips over
in the middle of it.
327
00:16:06,680 --> 00:16:08,640
I'm gonna find you
some aspirin. Come on.
328
00:16:08,650 --> 00:16:11,250
Here you go.
Feel better,
329
00:16:11,250 --> 00:16:14,450
and... and stay...
Stay here.
330
00:16:14,450 --> 00:16:16,580
Are you acting like
a freak because of me?
331
00:16:16,590 --> 00:16:18,460
Did I do something?
332
00:16:18,460 --> 00:16:20,730
- (people chattering) -(Ricky
whispers) Go, go, go, go!
333
00:16:20,730 --> 00:16:23,395
- What... What's happening?
- Everyone's hiding out.
334
00:16:23,396 --> 00:16:25,450
Julia needs someone
to watch her cat this weekend.
335
00:16:25,460 --> 00:16:27,590
- Thanks for the heads up.
- It's 23 years old.
336
00:16:27,600 --> 00:16:29,500
You have to do dialysis on it.
337
00:16:31,000 --> 00:16:33,470
- I'm not acting... -Do you
have feelings for me, Kevin?
338
00:16:35,470 --> 00:16:36,640
Wait.
339
00:16:36,640 --> 00:16:38,540
What? Do...
340
00:16:38,540 --> 00:16:41,470
Do I have...
feelings for you?
341
00:16:41,470 --> 00:16:44,070
Yeah. I didn't think so,
342
00:16:44,080 --> 00:16:45,510
but I promised Brock I'd ask.
343
00:16:45,510 --> 00:16:47,345
Just forget I said anything.
344
00:16:47,346 --> 00:16:49,570
He's... He's being sponsored
by a new protein shake,
345
00:16:49,580 --> 00:16:51,480
and it's getting him
really revved up.
346
00:16:54,450 --> 00:16:56,120
You trying to steal
my girlfriend?
347
00:16:56,120 --> 00:16:58,090
- (grunts)
- (people gasp)
348
00:16:59,520 --> 00:17:02,020
What? Is this yours?
349
00:17:04,790 --> 00:17:06,190
- (shouts) I gotta go!
- (people gasp)
350
00:17:06,190 --> 00:17:08,160
- (whispers) I'm so sorry.
- Really?
351
00:17:15,460 --> 00:17:17,320
- (tires screech)
- (honks horn)
352
00:17:25,440 --> 00:17:28,510
Excu...
Is that my tie?
353
00:17:28,510 --> 00:17:30,610
Oh, I'll take mine. 2A.
354
00:17:31,740 --> 00:17:34,640
Wait. 2A... that's
Audrey Piatigorsky's apartment.
355
00:17:34,650 --> 00:17:36,720
- Who are you?
- I need that. That's not yours.
356
00:17:36,720 --> 00:17:38,440
Uh, it is so mine.
357
00:17:38,450 --> 00:17:40,550
I'm her roommate,
this is my mail,
358
00:17:40,550 --> 00:17:42,610
and if you take it from me,
that's called mail fraud.
359
00:17:42,620 --> 00:17:45,560
- My dad's a lawyer. -Please, I
just... I need to see one thing,
360
00:17:45,560 --> 00:17:47,090
and then I will give
it back. I promise.
361
00:17:47,090 --> 00:17:48,490
No! You're gonna
steal my identity!
362
00:17:48,490 --> 00:17:50,560
My dad's a lawyer!
363
00:17:52,190 --> 00:17:53,420
I'm feeling unsafe.
364
00:17:53,430 --> 00:17:55,700
You give off a very
sexual-predator vibe.
365
00:17:55,700 --> 00:17:58,520
Me? No. No, I don't.
I said please.
366
00:17:58,530 --> 00:18:00,565
Okay, my dad's a lawyer.
I think I know what
367
00:18:00,566 --> 00:18:03,230
a sexual predator is,
and you fit the profile...
368
00:18:03,230 --> 00:18:05,290
Aggressive, desperate...
369
00:18:07,200 --> 00:18:11,060
- Attractive. -Whoa! Whoa!
What are you doing?
370
00:18:11,070 --> 00:18:13,500
Are you saying
you don't want me?
371
00:18:13,510 --> 00:18:17,380
I'm not... I did...
I didn't... I'm not... I...
372
00:18:17,380 --> 00:18:20,310
(rock music playing)
373
00:18:23,680 --> 00:18:25,610
It's not just
your identity I'm after.
374
00:18:25,620 --> 00:18:28,450
Oh. Give it to me!
375
00:18:28,450 --> 00:18:30,580
- (both moaning)
- Oh God!
376
00:18:33,760 --> 00:18:35,420
(grunts)
377
00:18:35,420 --> 00:18:38,220
No, I won't make love with you
in my apartment, beast!
378
00:18:38,230 --> 00:18:40,230
- (loud slap)
- Aah!
379
00:18:40,230 --> 00:18:42,330
- Did that hurt?
- What's the right answer?
380
00:18:42,330 --> 00:18:43,730
Get up!
381
00:18:45,570 --> 00:18:47,140
What are you gonna do?
382
00:18:50,300 --> 00:18:52,760
(vocalizing tune)
383
00:18:55,370 --> 00:18:57,330
I just need some water.
384
00:18:57,340 --> 00:19:00,540
Not too much. I don't want you to
spit it up when we get going again.
385
00:19:02,610 --> 00:19:06,570
Oh, and can you bring me one of those
100-calorie Brownie Bite packets?
386
00:19:06,580 --> 00:19:08,210
- Okay.
- Oh no, two!
387
00:19:08,220 --> 00:19:09,280
Okay!
388
00:19:18,120 --> 00:19:19,720
(cries)
389
00:19:30,230 --> 00:19:31,390
No, no, no.
390
00:19:32,340 --> 00:19:33,540
Babe?
391
00:19:34,470 --> 00:19:35,640
Kevin.
392
00:19:35,640 --> 00:19:37,470
What are you doing here?
393
00:19:37,470 --> 00:19:38,530
This came for you.
394
00:19:47,410 --> 00:19:49,770
(pop music playing)
395
00:19:54,620 --> 00:19:56,620
Hey, guys.
396
00:19:56,620 --> 00:19:58,480
Have you seen my new boyfriend?
397
00:19:58,490 --> 00:20:01,590
He's cute, blue eyes...
or brown eyes,
398
00:20:01,590 --> 00:20:04,490
a little banged up.
Looks like a model.
399
00:20:04,490 --> 00:20:07,620
(giggles)
I hope I'm pregnant.
400
00:20:07,630 --> 00:20:10,570
♪ Down to the bottom,
10,000 emerald pools ♪
401
00:20:10,570 --> 00:20:13,170
Pick up, pick up, pick up,
Pick up, pick up, pick up.
402
00:20:13,170 --> 00:20:15,605
- (phone beeps)
- Kevin, hi, it's Julia.
403
00:20:15,606 --> 00:20:17,700
Listen, after pulling
some strings...
404
00:20:17,710 --> 00:20:19,610
and a zipper or two...
(laughs)
405
00:20:19,610 --> 00:20:21,710
Just kidding,
that wasn't for you...
406
00:20:21,710 --> 00:20:23,380
I was able to get your job back.
407
00:20:23,380 --> 00:20:25,290
So, congrats.
408
00:20:25,290 --> 00:20:27,210
You can hit the ground running
on the Dryerson account,
409
00:20:27,210 --> 00:20:30,640
starting Saturday morning
at 6:00 a.m.
410
00:20:30,650 --> 00:20:32,620
(Julia laughs)
411
00:20:32,620 --> 00:20:35,620
♪ Dive down deeper, still ♪
412
00:20:35,620 --> 00:20:39,620
♪ All I need is you ♪
413
00:20:39,620 --> 00:20:42,390
♪ You're all I need
to breathe ♪
414
00:20:42,390 --> 00:20:47,460
- ♪ All I need is you ♪
- (phone chiming)
415
00:20:48,500 --> 00:20:50,270
♪ I make a living ♪
416
00:20:50,270 --> 00:20:53,400
♪ Trying to get away ♪
417
00:20:55,500 --> 00:20:57,300
♪ 10,000 fathoms ♪
418
00:20:57,310 --> 00:20:59,440
- ♪ Under a tidal wave ♪
- (chiming continues)
419
00:20:59,440 --> 00:21:00,910
(Roxie laughing)
420
00:21:00,910 --> 00:21:02,850
Man: You don't have
a kid, do you?
421
00:21:02,850 --> 00:21:05,300
I saw that baby bed out there.
422
00:21:08,850 --> 00:21:14,720
♪ No way! ♪
423
00:21:15,690 --> 00:21:17,610
Kevin's voice:
"Dear Audrey,
424
00:21:17,610 --> 00:21:19,530
"I know you don't think
about me in a special way
425
00:21:19,530 --> 00:21:22,920
"or at all, but I think
about you...
426
00:21:22,930 --> 00:21:24,530
"all the time.
427
00:21:24,530 --> 00:21:27,270
"You're perfect
and beautiful and smart
428
00:21:27,270 --> 00:21:29,930
and funny and perfect."
429
00:21:29,930 --> 00:21:34,500
- Hey, babe.
- ♪ All I need is you ♪
430
00:21:34,500 --> 00:21:36,930
♪ You're all I need
to breathe ♪
431
00:21:36,940 --> 00:21:40,740
Kevin: "And one more thing...
I'm in love with you."
432
00:21:40,740 --> 00:21:43,800
♪ You're all
I need to breathe ♪
433
00:21:43,810 --> 00:21:48,310
"Madly, completely-consumes-
my-life in love with you."
434
00:21:48,310 --> 00:21:50,240
♪ You're all
I need to breathe ♪
435
00:21:50,250 --> 00:21:51,720
♪ Dive in deeper ♪
436
00:21:51,720 --> 00:21:54,650
"So, have a great life, Audrey.
437
00:21:54,650 --> 00:21:57,280
"And maybe in the next one,
we'll meet again
438
00:21:57,290 --> 00:22:01,460
"and I won't be scared to say
what I feel and do what I want.
439
00:22:02,560 --> 00:22:04,590
And I'd want you."
440
00:22:04,590 --> 00:22:07,820
♪ All I need is you ♪
441
00:22:07,830 --> 00:22:09,700
♪ It can never
pull me away ♪
442
00:22:09,700 --> 00:22:12,770
"And this time,
I'd be the guy who gets you."
443
00:22:15,600 --> 00:22:16,700
♪ Time is standing still ♪
444
00:22:16,700 --> 00:22:18,400
"Until then...
445
00:22:19,610 --> 00:22:21,580
"Kevin from work."
34548
Can't find what you're looking for?
Get subtitles in any language from opensubtitles.com, and translate them here.
Afrikaans
Akan
Albanian
Amharic
Arabic
Armenian
Azerbaijani
Basque
Belarusian
Bemba
Bengali
Bihari
Bosnian
Breton
Bulgarian
Cambodian
Catalan
Cebuano
Cherokee
Chichewa
Chinese (Simplified)
Chinese (Traditional)
Corsican
Croatian
Czech
Danish
Dutch
English
Esperanto
Estonian
Faroese
Finnish
Galician
Georgian
German
Greek
Guarani
Haitian Creole
Hausa
Hawaiian
Hebrew
Hmong
Hungarian
Icelandic
Indonesian
Irish
Japanese
Kazakh
Kinyarwanda
Kirundi
Kongo
Korean
Krio (Sierra Leone)
Kurdish
Kyrgyz
Laothian
Latin
Latvian
Lithuanian
Luganda
Luo
Luxembourgish
Macedonian
Malagasy
Malay
Maltese
Maori
Mauritian Creole
Moldavian
Mongolian
Myanmar (Burmese)
Montenegrin
Nepali
Norwegian
Pashto
Persian
Polish
Portuguese (Brazil)
Portuguese (Portugal)
Quechua
Romanian
Romansh
Russian
Samoan
Scots Gaelic
Serbian
Sesotho
Setswana
Seychellois Creole
Shona
Sindhi
Sinhalese
Slovak
Slovenian
Somali
Spanish
Swedish
Tajik
Thai
Tigrinya
Tonga
Turkish
Turkmen
Ukrainian
Uzbek
Vietnamese
Welsh
Wolof