Original subtitles

Ray, you got Fat Al's number around somewhere?

Yeah, what's up?

I'm running a bit late.

Slight contra -torma Nick the Greek over that van I sold him earlier.

Yeah, but I checked that van. It was in prime condition. Yeah, two prime, Ray. I

got Lenny to take the engine out and swap it for something more and keep him

with the bodywork.

After Nick had agreed to buy it?

Well, there you are. They looked under the bonnet. Anyway, his concern was

aesthetic. I don't know what he's complaining about.

Here we go. Fat Al.

965. 965.

3060. 3060.

Ray?

I sometimes consider the division of labour in this establishment, and I

if it's been fairly apportioned. This is important, Arthur.

Well, if we could drag daily enterprises out in the dark ages, we'd both be able

to take it a bit more easier.

Would you really take it a bit more easier and justify getting out of bed in

morning? Arthur, we need to adapt.

I know you think the way you run things is state -of -the -art, but times are

changing. We've got to keep up with the competition.

That means proper organisation, planning, strategies.

We need to...

You've got that look in your eye. You're going to ask for a computer again. The

answer is still no.

I will not have this fair building turned into a video arcade.

Arthur, we could expand the business and take the pressure off all at the same

time. I mean, look at you careering about all over the place. It's not good

you. This job is nothing to do with computers or technology.

It is to do with a personal touch.

You make contact with your customer, understand their needs, and then flog

something they could well do without.

Yeah, but instead, you undermine all the principles that Daily Enterprises is

based upon. If you want me, I'm with Fat Alf. I'm going via Winchester for

breakfast.

One fallout. One gut buster with extra sausage and a fried slice.

There we are.

Al, you never thought of starting a vegetarian line?

Oh, please, Arthur, I'm not in the mood. Well, what's the matter?

Wait, it's that mixer.

Multi -purpose food processor.

Yeah. What's wrong with it? Well, it's all right till you, me like, switch it

off. Here, come and have a look at my kitchen.

Here, look at this.

Income, income, income. G -H.

All right.

Outgoing.

Arthur.

Have you tried running it on a slow speed?

It's still too fast, Arthur. Look what it's done to my spuds.

Beautiful. What?

Look, you've got to understand the intricacies of the machine now. The

tool for the right job. You must remember that. You could suck these

straw. Puree, that's all a rage.

And on, what's his name, Bossy Man, he does his like that. Nouveau cuisine.

That's not what Atlas reckons.

Atlas, Harry?

What's he got to do with it?

He'd come in for his breakfast.

He's been abroad.

Wanted a change for more orange juice and croissants. And he said the potatoes

were runny. Atlas is hardly renowned for his gastronomic expertise, is he, Alf?

You forget, Arthur.

He's rubbing shoulders with the top notch these days.

It's nothing but the best for him, and that includes where he eats. And he says

his potatoes were runny. And this is the same atlas who put himself in hospital

after consuming a family -sized tube of tomato puree on toast.

Well, we all have our hard times, Alf, but you don't know how he's come on. So

you keep telling me.

You see, what you don't understand, Alf, is I am a practicing businessman. I

experience the business lunch.

A mash like you're preparing in there is de -riggered these days.

Bung some polythene sheets on the wall and release your creativity.

Part of the reason I suggested this office revamp was so we'd be more

and we wouldn't have to go dashing about all over the place.

Do you think Arthur would be keen to lighten the load?

Yeah, well, he does like to be in the thick of things, Ray.

Yeah, Atlas was only saying that this morning.

Atlas? Who's he?

Atlas Harry White.

He used to work around here.

A working disaster area.

Then he has a bit of luck. He has one big deal, sells out and takes early

retirement. Never done nothing for a whole year, he reckons. Never felt

He hoped to see Arthur this morning.

Give him the name of two or three hundred other people Arthur's doing

with today.

Yeah, well, he said he might pop back later.

Yeah, well, he can get in a queue behind me.

Ready?

Morning, Arthur.

Sorry I'm late.

My previous client.

You want to watch it, eh, dashing about?

What happened to Jimmy Charles?

One minute he's there, hit as a fiddle, large as life, nipping from one job to

another, the next, kaput.

He was hit by a bus.

He had his mind on other things, Arthur.

I'll bear that in mind when I'm crossing the road in future. Listen, do you want

any more of those air fresheners?

I will, actually, but not the lavender.

Apparently it clings to the clothes, doesn't it? I've said to the mystic

How about the car alarms?

I meant to have a word with you about that. There's a problem there.

If you wire them in according to the instructions... All the bits of metal on

the car go live.

Natural repellent. I'll order you a couple more.

Look, while I'm here, could you have a listen to the motor? He's making a funny

noise. He's getting on that sort of age, Arthur.

Atlas, that's why he buys me every 18 months.

Atlas? What's a year?

He wanted me to check the oil on his new motor. Have you seen him?

I'm beginning to feel I have.

Is he showing any signs of indigestion?

Not that I noticed.

You should see his new vehicle, Arthur. Very tasty.

Has he got a new sidecar?

No, that's long gone.

You know he's retired?

Yeah, I did hear something.

He's done all right for himself.

You know, I really admire people like him. Give him someone to model yourself

on, don't you reckon?

So I said, I said, I said, Signor Remy, do you think that I came on a cruise

just to look at the ocean?

Harper, how you made it? Dave?

Harper, nice to see you. Let me get you a drink.

Oh, thanks, Atlas.

Dave, the same again.

Well, you're looking well, Arthur.

Plodding along, you know.

Business still thriving?

Expanding as ever. Let me tell you something, Arthur. You think you have a

time when you're working, but you just wait until you stop.

Two different cruises and a tour of the Dutch battlefields, all in six months,

Arthur. Oh, it's a hard life, but somebody's got to do it. I've been

Atlas, Arthur, you have never been busier.

Quality is its own advertisement, Dave. I admire you, Arthur, I really do. The

willpower to carry on.

I often think of you, you know, when I'm playing a game of tennis or I'm off

visiting somewhere. I think how we started together, selling stuff on a

corner, one eye out for the law and the punishing hours, the worries, the

pressures. Mind you, I always had my boy Kevin to hand over the business to,

whereas you and your good lady... You earned it, Atlas. You enjoy it.

Yeah, well, I won't mind swapping a couple of days in Wilsdon for a cruise

the Norwegian field to tell you. Oh, beautiful Ray, you sit on the deck with

glass of bubbly in your hand and you think, I have arrived.

Well, it was hard work, but every drop of sweat was worth it because this is my

reward. I never fancied it myself.

I'm off to the Bahamas.

Are you?

QE2. I did think of popping round a med or nipping over to the land in the

midnight sun, but when all's said and done... When you're going to leave Terra

Firma behind you for a few months, you might as well have the best.

A few months?

After Torrible Enos, you said you'd never go on holiday again.

That was not a holiday, Dave. And neither is this.

Well, you ain't done a deal out there, have you, Arthur?

Nothing so complicated, Ray.

No, it's quite simple.

Like Atlas here, I have decided the time has come for me to enjoy the fruits of

my labour.

Yeah, well, I always maintain you need a break once in a while, Arthur. No,

you're not getting my drift, Dave.

This is not a break.

I am handing the business over to my boy Ray, my heir.

You what? Ray has already carried out extensive modernisation and

computerisation at Bliss. He is all set to propel daily enterprises into the

21st century.

Yeah, but, Arthur, he never said... I'll just bash on with the crews. And I

thought I might make an investigation about a possible property on the Costa.

But, Arthur, you hate abroad.

You're handing over, Arthur.

A transfer of my business interest, Dave, so that I can enjoy life as befits

ex -chief of industry.

Oh, well, if you want some advice, Arthur, the cruise... Oh, that's very

you, Atlas, but I gather you travel below the waterline.

The first -class passenger has his own regime.

You're travelling first -class? Of necessity.

I'm afraid the good living has made my body go soft.

Arthur, do you know what you're saying?

Yeah. Early retirement, Ray. The big payoff.

Come on, this is a wind -up, isn't it? No, no, no, I understand you're nervous.

I mean, a business empire like Daily Enterprises, Richard Branson would have

work cut out, but I am confident you can do it.

I mean, you can't just give, give, give all the time, can you, Atlas? There

comes a time when you have to cry, enough, I demand recompense.

Well, get them in, Dave. I'd like to mark the occasion.

Or do you all have to get up early in the morning?

Nice to see you. Lovely, Dave.

Lovely.

Thank God.

I've had half on the phone all morning about that mixer.

Oh, sorry, Ray. It's nothing to do with me.

What? I'm a man of leisure now. The business is your concern.

Which reminds me, although I didn't expect a tearful acceptance speech, I

feel a few words of gratitude might have been in order.

I can't be serious.

Ray, Daily Enterprises did not acquire its present high standing overnight.

You can't be serious about packing it in. Yeah, I just come to get one or two

things and then I'm off down to travel agents.

Look, Atlas got your back up saying what a great life he was having. I

understand, but there's no need to see it through.

Well, it's true, Ray.

I did find Atlas very irritating.

I mean, to be lectured at by a man who is to free enterprise what a verruca is

to a swimming pool was very irritating.

Now, Ray, I've been thinking. There's a lot of freedom and overindulgence out

there, and I, of all people, have paid the price of admission.

What about the cars?

The flats?

Well, I assume with your qualifications and your apprenticeship here, you copped

for the lot.

Of course, if you don't think... No, I'm not saying I can't manage.

Well, then.

But it's just so sudden.

Ray, I'll give you a couple of pointers.

I'm only a phone call away, except when I'm in Barbados. And I'd rather you

didn't use the office blower then. You'll regret it, Arthur.

Raymond, I assure you I know exactly what I'm doing.

Of course, if you have any doubts about your own ability to cope... Of course I

can cope.

You know, I've been dying for a bit more responsibility.

As long as you're confident, Ray.

Good afternoon.

Ray Daly.

Managing Director.

Gather. Yeah, Ray Daly here, mate.

You still on the lookout for some of them old beta tapes?

Yeah, well, looking at our records, I think we just might be able to supply

if you still need them.

Yeah, lovely. What, this afternoon?

Yeah, nice one, girl. All right, I'll catch you later.

Bye.

No, I'm sorry, sir, that looks full as well.

The earliest for the QE2 would be in month.

I was hoping for something about the middle of next week.

The latest in transatlantic sophistication, the Davy Jones, is 27

unadulterated luxury.

220 cabins, a restaurant on each deck, and for the person that likes adventure

on the high seas, three casinos.

I take it the casinos have en suite bar facilities.

I did knock, but you can't have heard me.

It's always an open house here, Mr... Brook.

Mr. Brook, what can I do for you?

I need to see Arthur.

Well, can't I help?

I doubt it.

Have we done business before?

I'm only here because I've exhausted all the other possibilities.

Well, times are tough, Mr. Brook.

But not so tough that I can't afford to turn away difficult customers. Arthur

supplied a miniature Venus de Milo to a colleague of mine several years ago.

I want to know if he's got any left.

It's a very close friend.

I can't help noticing there's an awful lot of medical facilities on board.

Yes, that's right, sir.

Is there something I should know?

They're all proper doctors.

They have their certificates up in the surgery.

No, the point I'm trying to make is the crew's life, as I understand it, is one

of unhurried relaxation.

It seems odd to find Emergency Ward 10 on every deck.

There's nothing to worry about, sir.

The number of deaths at sea is precisely in keeping with the national average.

It's more of a precaution, really. If you don't see land for a week or two,

nice to know it's there if you need it.

Quite. Yeah,

I'm sure it's a bit dusty.

I'm amazed you could find it. I reckon Arthur doesn't know what he's sitting on

half the time. Yeah, well, I'm modernising up his procedure at the

Arthur, daily change.

Where did you say it was, by the way?

I didn't.

Arthur's taken an early retirement, actually. I'm in charge now.

Get away.

Sailing from Portsmouth Friday morning.

I'll take it. I don't think you'll be disappointed.

I should hope not at these prices.

They're the room supplements.

Ah, could you... Would you mind giving me a total cost?

The whole thing, cos I have to get a bankers... What's the name?

Sure, it's, er... It's 4 ,400... Yeah, yeah, I'm in the general

area. Of course, if you want to go first class, it's slightly more.

What do you mean? The way it's worked out, Mrs Daly is entitled to a 20 %

discount as the second passenger, so that adds another... Mrs Daly?

Oh, I'm sorry, I had assumed... It's all right, I hadn't thought.

Hello, Pete, it's Gerry.

I've got another job coming up.

That's right.

No rest for the wicked.

Hmm.

I've nothing against cruises as such. It's just a question of finding the

one. Well, I thought you wanted for nothing on them ships.

That's the problem, Dave.

It's like Selfridges at sea.

They're indoors and come over all unnecessary once you see the temptations

lay before you.

Ah, she'd probably get bored with all that. I mean, what's the novelty where

it's all... Dave, she is a lady of voracious appetite.

We'd be insolvent long before that happened.

So are we going?

Yeah, I think so.

Have you spoken to her indoors?

See what she fancies?

No. She is, as yet, ignorant of my intentions.

You have told her you're taking the early bath? Oh, yeah, yeah, she's well

of that. It's amazing how she's warmed to the idea.

Probably glad to have you around, Arthur.

Face it, you are hardly ever at home.

I did assume that kind of things would stay the same.

That's the whole point of being retired.

You cleared the deck so that you and your best beloved can enjoy a bit of

together.

Whack a small one in there, Dave. The clock's ticking.

Oh, wow.

That's perfect, Ray.

I only picked it up myself yesterday, but as soon as I saw it, I thought of

Still needs a bit of work done to it, though.

It's exactly what we want.

Do you reckon it'll stand some more dinting, you know, and still go?

Of course it will, Colin.

Well, the engine itself's as good as new.

The rest of the guys will love it.

Rolling up to gigs in this.

Wicked. What do you call yourself these days, Cole?

Death slayers of the apocalypse.

Catchy, innit? Yeah, trips off the tongue.

Now, you know it's only cash, Colin.

No trouble.

And what was it? 300?

450.

Oh.

Yeah, I thought you had a mower to fix.

Hardly seems worth it now.

Can I do anything?

How do you mean?

Well, round here, I am a shareholder, after all. You ain't paid for all your

tears yet.

When I've worked out the extent of my investment return, Dave.

Arthur, are you getting twitchy already?

What do you mean?

Retirement blues.

Certainly not.

I don't know why I didn't give up years ago.

Freedom, no worries, marvellous.

No, I do happen to have a little time on my hands, and it did occur to me I

might have a look at reorganising this place.

Reorganising? Yeah, improving the image, updating the decor.

I know where I can get a warehouse clearance of new barstools.

Oh, for you, I suppose, to have packed it in.

Besides, the place looks fine. I'm just offering my services on a consultative

basis. I don't want to be ungrateful, Arthur, but we do not need any new gear.

What about outside?

I know where I can get a load of neon lettering cheap.

Trouble is, they've got no Ws. Still, they've got a few Ms, so we'll get round

there. Leave it out, Arthur.

I mean, I know you're trying to help, but I'd rather do it my own way.

All right, Danny, all right. Is that your attitude?

I mean, I'm not being personal, Arthur. I did imagine that while I was not out

enjoying myself, I could help those less fortunate than me.

But since you seem determined to go it alone, so be it.

I shall give myself over to the good life full time with a clear conscience

I have offered.

Oh, my God.

You've been turned over.

Arthur, thought you'd be on your way by now.

How can you be so calm? Why didn't you give me a call?

What's the matter?

The stock, Ray. You must have an accurate note of everything you've got.

Otherwise, how are you going to know when somebody's half -inched it?

Arthur, I've sold it.

You've done what?

Yeah, things ain't gone too badly lately.

I've paid 40 % of the stock, done three cars at the lot, plus one I bought in

specially for a targeted customer.

Targeted? Yeah, I've also been down that local college giving out flyers on the

flats. Well, so far I've had 123 replies.

We've only got three properties.

Well, it shouldn't be a problem filling them, though, should it?

Raymond, you're not spreading yourself a bit too thinly, are you?

I want to make a strong start, Arthur.

I'm putting together a computer database of every transaction we've done since I

got here.

And I'm following that up with some secondary pitching.

Here, I hope you're getting cash.

All right.

I'll flash it around.

Well, I'm delighted you're managing relatively well, Ray.

I'm pleased my basic instincts were right.

I'm not going to let you down, Arthur.

Anyway, how about you? What are you doing still here?

Oh, there was a bit of itch on the sailing front.

Suffice it to say, other arrangements are being made.

I just thought I'd pop in, check everything's OK.

You're missing it, Arthur.

No, no, I couldn't be further from the truth.

Ray, I have found another world.

Outside of work.

Yeah, what you been up to? Oh, this and that.

A rich tapestry of activities.

The trouble is, finding the time to fit them all in.

Yeah.

Hello,

daily interview... It's Fiona.

Yeah, yeah, it's Ray.

Now, listen, right, you still running those keep fit classes, only I got some

very pucker leisure wear just come in.

Yeah? Well, any colour you like.

Look, hold on a minute, Fiona.

Here, Arthur, you're going to be down in Winchester later, only I'd better crack

on, you know. Yeah, I might see you later.

I'm going to be very busy this afternoon.

You carry on.

Fiona, yeah.

40%. It's all in there.

Don't. There.

It's in the back bedroom.

And there are no alarms. Are you sure?

No, it's a wild guess.

I thought I'd take the risk of you and me doing some time.

Sorry, Beachy.

Er, Jerry.

Not in public.

Walls have ears and all that.

Sorry. Now, just get everything you can.

I'll sort it out later.

Hello, Bert.

I thought it was you. I was just passing.

Oh, for earth's sakes.

Oh, all right.

Up to the point, you know.

Well, mostly.

What's up?

Bert, would you say I was a fair boss?

You know, when I was working.

Now, be honest, perfectly honest.

Well, no.

Well, in the circumstances, Bert, that's a very insensitive comment.

Still, you're retired now. Your boy Ray is wreaking the most terrible revenge.

He ain't let you down, has he?

No, quite the reverse. He's got the Midas touch, and he's rubbing my nose in

How about these autograph table mats, Al? Oh, yeah.

Great side, isn't it, eh?

Banks, Peters, Charlton, Eusebio.

Wait a minute, Eusebio didn't play for England.

Nor did Fanny Blank as Cohen.

Yeah, I'll be honest with you, Al. There's been a slight problem there.

The printer went wrong.

I'm willing to knock off 10%. 30.

OK.

Suddenly stopping work leaves a big gap.

You need a hobby like this to fill in.

Well, given that the cruise is on hold and none of my hips needs replacing,

try anything, Bert. That's the spirit.

You're getting all worked up about Ray because you've got nothing better to do.

He thinks the world of you, Arthur.

He wouldn't want to upset you.

I wish he'd succeed less, obviously.

A few hours of this and your cares will just float away.

How long?

It's no use to me.

Arthur always begs whatever I've got. You've got a lot of stuff here, Flash,

he's not going to use it all, is he?

He takes what I've got, what I think he can use.

How do you work that out?

I know him.

Now, what about this?

You don't want that.

Will you stop telling me what I do and don't want? Now, is it for sale? No good

to you.

Look, how much do you want? 20, 30?

35, actually.

35.

What happens if you catch something?

How do you mean?

Well, do they have a resident expert in attendance who knows about fish and

tells you what to do?

It is not the winning, it's the taking part, Arthur.

How many days do you have to fail before you consider you had enough?

Aren't you enjoying this?

Well, nothing happens, Bert.

Except you get cold.

No, I'm sorry. I'm grateful for your attempt, but no, no. The battle between

and cod is not for me.

Oh, well, if you're sure.

I think I'll just have another half hour.

I'll find me own way back.

You'll be home in 20 minutes.

How do you cast off again?

Meet Andre.

Arthur? You get that from Flash, Eric?

What you doing here?

That's not the sort of thing he usually puts my way.

Well, he's not putting it your way, is he? I chose it.

I've got someone in mind, all right.

Now, if your day turns sour, Ray, you'll get in that look you sometimes get. My

day is fine.

It's not all brightness and light in the world of commerce, you know.

Everything's great, Arthur. Now, what do you want?

Nothing. You carry on.

Were you looking for something?

No, I'm just making my space.

You what?

You won't know I'm here.

When won't I know you're here?

Well, I need a few days, Ray.

It's a plan.

The twilight years.

That contemplated morning on the riverbank was a non -starter. When I'm

her indoors keeps giving me jobs to do as soon as I sit down.

Besides, I expect you like a bit of company.

You carry on.

Don't mind me.

You won't know I'm here.

What do you mean you don't want it? I've got it specially.

I've laid out cash for it.

No, you told me you wanted a fake fur sofa. Well, it's here, a weight in your

collection.

Do what? You should have thought about a base rate before you ordered it.

Yes?

Nothing.

I heard you cut.

No, no.

Clear my throat.

Arthur, you were cutting.

Oh, me mother.

Tell me what's wrong.

You're the boss, right?

It would be unforgivable of me to comment on any of the gaps you make,

especially with your confidence at such a low ebb after the table match debacle.

You said you wouldn't mention that again.

I knew I shouldn't have told you. We all learn from our mistakes, Ray.

But there comes a time when you've got to stop learning.

To be a mine of business acumen after the fact, whilst in a state of financial

ruin, is not a desirable situation.

I had a definite order on this sofa.

But you did not get cash up front. Yeah, but... Or you would not have gone the

colour you did while you were having the conversation.

You've got to learn who's reliable, Ray.

The geezer I was speaking to has never let me down before.

Well, how could he? It was his first deal.

You've been listening.

I haven't. Well, how could you know that then?

Instinct. I could tell by the pauses that he had never traded before.

What am I supposed to do? I've got to keep things moving.

Ray, a gallon of syrup of figs would not move that sofa.

Yeah, but... One person in a million wants something like that. And when they

change their minds, you should have been guided by Flash.

What? He wanted to palm off an old church pew to me. He knows what sells.

And he's reliable.

Well, how can I tell that?

You look him in the eye, Ray.

That's how you can tell.

Nothing too wonderful.

This must be worth a few, Bob.

What are you doing? That needs laying off.

Had you heard Arthur Daly had retired?

No. So what?

I've never liked him much enough.

Norman, what are you doing here? Oh, hello, Arthur.

I'm just bringing some stuff round for Ray.

I gather you've taken the early option, Arthur. That is correct.

I do envy you.

I wish I could wind it all up, relax a bit. You become a slave to your job

without knowing, Norman. And it's only when it's all stopped you realise how

much more there is in life. What have you got? Oh, they're these special

relievers from America.

You bang them on your forehead and they've got this special cooling gel

Does the job.

I've had a try.

How much?

Can I discuss this with you? No, you're... Please, Norman, I still have a

interest in the firm.

I wanna.

How many have you got? That's cost.

You bung him out of fibre of peat, you're laughing.

Oh, Norman.

Sorry I'm late, mate.

Where you been?

I'd like to run some gear up to Jono's. Well, that shouldn't have taken you five

minutes. Well, I couldn't find him, could I? It's Tuesday, isn't it? Yeah.

it'd be a race course.

No, no, no, I think you'll find that's Thursday.

Tuesday is the snooker all.

That's right, Arthur.

I don't know where you store it all.

Why'd you do that?

Do what?

You know very well, the winking. I was not winking. When we was negotiating the

deal, you was winking, Arthur.

One wink below, two winks were even lower. I sussed it out. I thank God for

that. Well, I wish you wouldn't.

I was getting there. You're about to accept his opener.

Arthur, I was testing him out. I mean, what do you think I am, stupid?

Look, look, I was only acting as a safety net. Well, there was no need to.

mean, what are you still doing there anyway? I thought you had loads to do.

You just can't leave it alone, can you? Look, look, look, Ray. I hardly think a

slight facial tick constitutes involvement.

I knew from the start you couldn't cope without a worker. Now you're proving it.

You're only going to lose your temper because you're having a bad run. I'm not

having a bad run. It's you breathing down my neck. I can't think. I cannot

believe your ingratitude.

When I could be off enjoying myself, I'd stay close by. It'd be of comfort to

you in your first testing days, and this is how you say thank you. You're

hanging around because you've got nothing to do. You're at a loose end.

end? Look, I've got a whole diary full of leisure activities.

And since you're so lacking in gratitude, I shall go and take advantage

Good.

Arthur.

Maybe it was a wrong decision.

Absolutely not, Bert. I do not make those.

No, it's a question of expectation and reality being further apart than I

imagined. And I did not expect Ray to spur my attempts to cosset him through

opening rounds. I'm telling you, Arthur, you've got to find something to do with

your time so you're not thinking about work every five minutes.

How about some of this?

Nice allotment. It's very soothing.

No, I imagine this requires more physical effort than I'm prepared to

Besides, if you can't dig them up washed and chopped, I'm not interested.

I said to Ray I thought you were being a bit hasty. Hasty does not come into it,

Bert. I just haven't found my niche, that is all.

What you need is an outing.

I don't want you to breathe a word of this to Arthur, Dave.

No problem, Ray.

I don't believe it. It started so well.

Everything's coming apart at the seams.

I'm buying stuff I can't get rid of, tools are falling through, and if it

been for Arthur, I'd have bought a load of grit way over the odds.

Well, you've got to learn who's who, Ray, Marlow. Who to trust?

That's what Arthur said, but how can you? It's so hard to tell.

It takes years.

You'll get there.

Well, thanks for the vote, Dave.

I'm just not Arthur Daly.

Well, how could you be? They threw away the mole with Arthur.

Nevertheless, you are a Daly.

You do what you think is right, and you stick with it.

You sure about this, Bert?

Arthur, it is exactly the thing you were looking for.

How do you do?

My name's Harold Cleet. I'm looking for Arthur.

Well, Arthur doesn't work here any more. Can I help you? Are you in charge? Are

you running things?

Yeah, that's right.

This is your lucky day.

You pay your membership every year, Arthur, and then you get entry to all

stately homes and what's free.

This is more like it, Bert.

You know, I was beginning to have serious doubts about this retirement,

Oh, there's hundreds of places you can check out.

I've always been interested in this country's heritage.

They say that if you can understand the present, you can make sense of the past.

That's very true, yeah.

Where shall we start?

Well, you suppose I've got a bar?

Oh. Go on.

It's costume stuff, but it's nice, sparkly, you know.

I don't usually deal in a... Arthur always took it.

Look. I tell you what, the whole lot's 75 quid.

Salary turn.

It's just above cost.

You'd make a killing if you move even half of it.

50. Oh, how can you sleep nights?

Oh, right.

I had no idea they were such entrepreneurs, Bert.

I mean, all this, and they own half London as well.

I'll gently do as they pleased in them days, Arthur.

There weren't no TV.

When they got bored... Please, spare me the details, Bert. I've seen the four

posts. They're up in guest's arrest.

You'd better be making tracks. I've got to work tonight.

Absolutely. Let's have a look at this Chinese thing over here.

Hello.

What can I do for you?

Oh, it's all right. It's nothing important.

I was passing, so I thought I'd drop in.

Arthur sometimes has one or two things I'm interested in.

Anything in particular?

No, not really.

Odds and ends, trinkets, jewellery.

Come in.

It's a bit marvellous, isn't it?

What? These things.

Maids. I mean, a handful of privet and a contorted mind and you've got hours of

entertainment. Yeah, well, I think I've had my quota, Arthur.

I told Doreen I was just popping down the allotment till tea time. Well, we'll

soon be on our way back.

Down this way.

I think it's this way, Arthur.

No, I think you'll find it this way, Bert. No, I am certain it's this way.

I don't want to bring up things that should be long forgotten, but remember

seven -and -a -half -hour drive to Bridlington?

You always have to mention that, don't you? You were going on to Doreen about

only last week.

That doesn't bother you. That costume stuff, I left half of it in the car.

Well, thank you very much. That's very public -spirited of you.

No, not really.

We did negotiate on the basis of what you saw.

Another 20 for this.

I don't think I'll get that much interest for this lot, Harold.

15.

Well, since we do have such a long tradition of business, all right.

Oh, my God.

We've done it again.

We? We've done it. There's no time to shirk your responsibilities, Bert.

If you hadn't suggested it, we wouldn't have come out here in the first place.

Bert, Bert, conserve your energy.

It's useless.

We're going to be here for days.

Oh, Doreen will kill me.

I know I should have bought some of that mint cake at the gift shop.

Could never venture into the wilds without it.

What have I got on your shoulders? Oh, Bert, it's no type of party tricks.

I do not believe it.

Forty years of rigorous employ.

And when I pack it in to enjoy my just rewards, my life starts to resemble a...

A night at Mad Laddie's Bodega Bar.

Well, that's it. It's time to be honest. The easy option is not for me. I am

jacking this retirement lark in.

Are you lost?

Oh, don't worry, son.

You'll be all right. You stick with us. Someone will find us. I know the way.

What, the way out?

It's easy. I'll show you.

Thank God for that.

I only accept cash.

Up front.

I've got something to say to you. So have I, Arthur. Now, just listen to me.

want to apologise and I want you to come out of... Well, come off the bench sort

of thing.

What, you mean stop being retired?

I need a few pointers, Arthur.

I reckon I can make a go of it, but I can't jump straight into your shoes.

Oh, that's very inconvenient, Ray.

I've got a couple of very interesting jaunts fixed up for next week and your

needs help with his ID annuals.

Arthur.

All right, as your family.

Come on.

Tell me what's moving.

Well, that old cleat's been in. Who? You know, Harold.

Stocking, brown hair. The jewellery man.

I bought a load of costume stuff off him, and the good news is I've managed

shift it already.

Oh, my God.

What's up?

Did you happen to shift it to a tall, elegant, blonde woman?

Yeah, how do you know?

And did this Harold come back a second time?

Yeah, he did, a little bit later.

And the second time, was it twice as much gear at four times the price? And

bought it because you knew you could offload it.

you will never see that woman again.

You are several hundred quid light with a load of tat you'll never be able to

shift. They're famous, that couple, for that scam.

No, it wasn't like that, Arthur.

Harold sold me the other stuff at the same price.

What?

What's happening?

Raymond Daly.

That's him.

I'm Detective Sergeant Harris.

I have reason to believe you're in possession of stolen goods.

I do have a search warrant.

Here, hang on. If it's anything in particular, Sergeant, perhaps we could

No, thanks.

Raymond, get out of the way.

I should stay away for a few days.

I say, Bridlington's very nice this time of year.

Could you open this cabinet, please?

Certainly. Right?

Nothing? Come on.

Sorry to have bothered you, gentlemen.

We were acting on information received.

Sergeant.

Show me a computer that can do that, Ray, and I'll believe in progress.

How did you know? There's a certain kind of knock that can only be the police.

What's going on, Arthur? A little manoeuvre known as the plant.

You mean that costume stuff's real? Yeah.

Normally this thing is used to deprive people of a large lump of money, but in

this case it's been adapted.

So why did this Harold character want to drop us in it with the law?

It's not his style, Ray. He is strictly a con artist.

Who's he working for?

Well, at the moment there are others better qualified to judge. Come on.

Dear Arthur, how come you never told me about that filing cabinet?

Oh, no, Ray, I wouldn't like you to think I ever had any reason to hide

from you.

I'll, um, I'll show you how it works when we get back. Right.

Here, I want to handle when I knock, just in case.

Get down!

Stop it!

Ansel and Gretel played the old one -two routine to get Ray to take the Tom.

They're well away by now, but what I want to know is, who set it up and why?

That's the first, Arthur, and you'll like us not have the second.

My thought's entirely, Monty.

Last I saw you, Ray, you were kicking the Hendon School's under -11 centre

forward in the air.

You still playing?

Not as much as I'd like to.

Wise move.

Look after your body.

Yeah, yeah, talking of which, the dogs are safely under lock and key, I trust.

Of course they are.

Can't take the risks these days, Arthur.

Had to get rid of Bruiser.

Couldn't stand the muzzles.

Oh, I'm sorry.

Give him terrible indigestion.

There's your boy.

Genuine article.

Worth about a grand.

As to a lead, Arthur, I'm not really up on who's dealing what these days.

Smiler might help.

Ah, there it is. I put it under it.

O 'Neill and Sons, funeral directors.

Who are all those people, Arthur?

Contacts, Ray.

Contacts.

O 'Neill and Sons. Could I speak to Mr Vincent O 'Neill, please?

Arthur Daly.

Hi, Smiler.

How's business?

Oh, but it is steady.

I mean, it's not as if you have to worry about finding out that your customers

can live without you.

What, Smiler?

Yeah, no, no. Uh, Smiler, um, what's the word on knock -off jewellery?

Dealers. Small stuff.

Who?

No, no, no, I'd rather not.

No, I know she is.

Look, Smiler, I was hoping you'd save me having to go down that particular

avenue.

Oh, all right, there's no alternative.

Yeah, I'm tired of it.

Bye -bye.

Problem?

Smiler assures me he can't help.

And is there just anyone else?

One person.

Oh, dear.

Delilah.

Long time.

I thought you were dead.

Retired. Semi.

Well, still alive.

I can see.

You look well, Arthur. In the pink.

Oh, you know how... You look very... Well preserved.

I did mean to write, Delilah.

Probably got lost in the post.

I hadn't given up hope.

It's only 40 years.

Is it? Is it as long as that?

Did you ever get married?

After we, you know... Sick time.

Well, no one ever quite matched up to you, Arthur.

Do you mind if we get some tonic?

What are you doing in there?

And then I had to leave the area.

Case of mistaken identity.

But a wise move, nevertheless.

And when I come back, you'd gone off with that troupe of can -can girls.

Don't worry, Arthur.

You were never being malicious.

And while you were away, Erlin Dawes decided I was the one.

And you know how determined she can be.

And that was that.

You don't change, Arthur.

Tell me, what can I do for you?

I presume you need a favour.

Well, if you've still got that sideline of yours, the one that's not entirely

legal.

You'd like to keep your hand in?

Why give up something you're good at, Arthur? I couldn't agree more.

Now, what do you need?

I'd like you to tell me who's dealing this sort of stuff.

Jerry Brook.

Beechers? Is he still working? Yes, he handles all the small stuff.

One of his jobs going around at the moment.

Could you make a paste of that by tomorrow?

We'll see what we can do.

I'm very grateful. I mean, in view of... I told you, Arthur.

It was one of those things. It didn't work out.

You were never improper.

Well, I did pride myself.

More than a few times.

You'll have to wait.

Delilah, what can I say?

There's no need for words, Arthur.

Leave me as I remember you.

As a man of action.

You were tired. You should have stretched out on the back seat.

I didn't know your little chat was going to take all night.

I hope you're not casting aspersions.

Delilah has furnished us with all we need to clear this mess up.

Well, who's behind it, then? Jerry Brook.

Known in the criminal world as Beechers for being a very nasty fence.

We've had one or two run -ins in the past, and he's obviously decided to even

the score.

What are we going to do, Arthur?

I want you to pick up the van, go round to his place, and deposit the original

in a drawer.

What if he's in, Arthur? He won't be.

I think you'll find there's fairly easy access down the alley at the side.

Then meet me back at the lock -up.

I've got one or two calls to make.

I felt it was my duty.

You sure you've got that address?

No, no, I'm sorry.

Remaining nameless is a basic rule of the anonymous tip -off.

Goodbye.

Jerry.

After all this time.

So after.

Where are his trinkets?

What do you think? No, I'm sorry, Arthur.

I'd like to help, but I don't really handle this sort of stuff.

Oh, what a pity.

Are you going to be in all morning?

Yeah, I'm not going to budge an inch.

I could get some other people to call round.

Oh, I'd be grateful if you could. See, Ray didn't get the name of this other

bloke, and I couldn't think who else to call.

Hey, what are you doing?

We are about to be raided again by the police, Ray. How do you know? A sneaking

suspicion, but worry not, they won't find a thing.

Unlike the people who are at present raiding Beecher's drawers.

Nice one, Arthur. Get your retaliation in first, Ray.

Basic rule of English fair play.

Beecher's going to be sorry he didn't think about who he was dealing with when

he tussled with the dailies. I couldn't agree with you more.

Meanwhile, I suggest we wait at the Winchester.

We can leave a note on the door for the police.

Welcome back, Arthur.

Oh, I don't know, Ralph. You've made a promising start.

Yeah, it's lived downhill quick enough, hasn't it? Oh, teething problems. You'll

pull it round.

Not without you.

Thank God for that.