Original subtitles

I can be so good for you.

Love you like you are.

Keep you fit anyway.

And British Rail have a good morning from early cancellations. Now, in a

we go up 1 ,000 feet from London to pick the brown wolf in the flying eye. But

first, a classic oldie from ten years ago today.

What do you want?

What's that?

Morning, Terence.

Meet Davies Deal. Huh? Davies Deal, meet Terence, your new kennel person.

Be careful how you hold that in. What?

Now, listen, Terence. This is your actual high -carb red animal. And as

he's hypersensitive to any form of maltreatment or rejection.

I want you to remember that at all times.

Oh, and you can forget all this, mate.

Pardon? I'm not looking after a dog.

Dog? Dog?

Mungrel's a dog?

This little miracle of nature is a racing machine, a greyhound, a prince

sporting canines.

Listen, it's got four legs, a tail, and it barks. It's a dog. I don't think you

quite understand, Terry. I don't want to understand, Arthur.

You say you've got the meat?

Yeah. A couple of tellies off a couple of geezers. It's got a wham of the

readies in it.

Okay.

Dave.

What kind of a question was that?

Sorry, Osmo.

Hello, chaps. You found it, then? Yeah.

How's it going, Tasty? All right?

Scratching a few pennies here and there, you know.

Dave.

A couple of pals of mine.

Fred and Ted.

Pleased to meet you, gents. What's it going to be? Large scotches. And

you want for yourself.

Yeah, I'll get these. No, no, leave off.

I'll do it.

Oh, come on, get it off. Get it off.

What's the matter with you? Don't you like God's creatures?

Yeah, I love them. But I don't want one living here sprawling all over the

furniture. Calm down, calm down. It's just for a few days till I get him

in with a trainer at White City.

White City?

Yeah. You've got diddle or something. That's the top GRA track, isn't it?

That's where they hold the dog derby. Yeah. Only rates are clean there.

That's right.

You ready?

What for?

Trial run. Come on, Dee Dee.

Same again, Dave, then we'll have to split.

This one's on me. No, no, no, no, no. There you go.

I insist.

Now, listen, it's your living. Let me.

OK.

What bit of lunacy made you buy a greyhound,

eh? I didn't buy him. I took him in lieu.

What, a public loo? No, no, loo of reddies.

Paddy Early was into me for a few quid and couldn't come up with it, so he let

me have the pick of the litter.

That's why I call him Daily's Deal.

Oh, yeah?

Yeah, I mean, he was only into me for 200 softs, and I mean the great, great

progeny of Mick the Miller there.

Couple of grand the right way.

Are we talking about the same Paddy Early?

Yeah, well -known breeder and trainer of many a wind forecast combination.

Didn't tell you that, did he, eh?

No, this will do, this will do. Stay here. What? Now, Terry, unleash him.

But restrain him.

Restrain him? Yeah.

He's sleepwalking now.

How do you expect to get him to run, eh?

Oh, brilliant, brilliant.

Right, stay there.

Ready? Yeah, yeah, I'm ready, yeah. I've done about it, haven't I?

No, no, don't be misled by the intensity of the concentration, Terry.

He's going to spring like a panther. Stand on me.

Ready? Yeah, I'm ready, yeah.

He's still ready.

Well, that'll have to do it, folks. You've really got to go.

Are you sure?

Oh, yeah.

About the album.

What?

No, I mean, reason you're here.

Sorry, chaps.

Don't worry about Dave. He's one of your own.

Oh.

No offence, Dave. It's just that, you know. If I didn't cop a daffodil to what

went on here, I wouldn't have any members at all.

Yeah, right.

Yeah, take it easy. See you later, mate.

No good hollering and hooting. We had a deal and that's it. And you got the

bargain. Bargain?

Bargain? This animal has narcoleprosy, not to mention total paralysis of its

lower limbs, namely its legs.

Don't you listen to him, Dee Dee. Oh, come on, Archie, you've only had the

bloody thing a few hours. Yeah, long enough to recognise certain movement

deficiencies. Run, he can't even trot. The best he can do is walk, and that's

backwards slowly.

That's only because he ain't had a chance to get used to you. It's a proper

thoroughbred, isn't it?

You're highly strange.

You must give him a bit of time.

Time? Listen, Paddy.

Down, Chris!

Martha, all the duck needs is a bit of care and attention and it will be a

flying machine, you take my word.

And if that don't work, tuck a bit of mustard up its tuckers. That'll make it

shift a bit lively.

Tuck a bit of mustard.

Good grief, Paddy, what are you suggesting?

What's he feeding it until?

Tennis balls.

A little thought to this, are you?

Ooh!

Come on then, sir.

Here you go.

Well,

that ain't your appetite, is it, Fido?

Steak. Yeah, steak.

And brown bread.

Brown bread? Yeah, you know, ruffage.

Ruff, ruff.

Hey, I'll tell you something else Paddy gave me a tip for. Nothing I have to

invest in, I have.

When the dog is ready to run, just before he's off, you know.

A certain unspeakable procedure would mustard, would enact its performance no

end, if you get my meaning.

You do what?

Half of me old sack.

How's business?

Subject to the usual fluctuations, Tasty. You?

About the same, about the same.

Usual day, won't be a salt and half. That is a large one, Dave. Of course,

Tasty, do you know anything about the vagaries of a sporting cave -in?

What?

Greyhounds.

Oh. Well?

I don't know. Some.

A mate of mine's got a couple. He races.

Well, what do you want to know? Well, I've just acquired one. I want to know

to make it run.

Well, I could give him a ring, I suppose.

Ask him. Would you?

Yeah.

All right.

There you go.

Go on, then.

Go on, stick.

I'll go.

Come on, then.

Come on.

It might be interesting.

How many?

Say, uh, 30?

Well, what have they got to come to?

One or a lump?

I'll see what I can do to bring you back.

Blimey, hang on a bit. Hey, Dave.

Yeah, yeah, cool. It's all right.

Yeah, right.

Listen, um... Chris, one thing might come in handy.

Where is it?

Three.

You're three.

And another five.

Hello, Charlie.

Ronald. Keeping you busy, are they?

Things are never exactly slack in this job, I mean. I don't know. You got a

heavy caseload, have you? Who hasn't?

Well, I've had a bit of a result this week, Charlie. I practically cleared my

desk and secured a couple of convictions as well.

Really?

Things are always easier when your prospects volunteer written confessions,

Ronnie? Well, as you are up to your ears, innit, I won't keep you, Charlie.

Oh, if there is anything you need a bit of help with, let me know. Always happy

to help out.

Come on.

Did you hear that?

Sorry, God? What is that? Need a bit of help.

Bloody arrogance.

Well, if he says so.

Do you think it'll work?

Well, so Ted says.

He knows a bit about dogs.

That was him in here yesterday with his partner, Fred.

Oh, yeah.

Seem like an all right couple.

They ain't from round here, though, are they?

No, no, no, they're from over the water.

I've done a few trades with them. A couple of your own, you know what I

Well, I've seen proper enough.

Which makes me think, Arthur, you... No, no, no, you wouldn't be interested.

Interested in what?

Well, when I was on the fly just now about your dog, Fred happened to mention

he'd got a little parcel of her.

Yeah, well, look, I'll just get a couple of drinks, you know.

Oh?

And what might that be?

Video recorders.

Video recorders?

Terry!

What's the meaning of this?

Meaning of what?

Hello, Tasty. Hello, Terry. What do you mean, what? Pedigree racing round in a

place like this.

Oh, we ain't fussy.

Should have seen what he fancied in the park.

Give us half.

Coming up.

What he fancied?

You haven't been letting this animal drain his natural energy, have you?

He don't even know what his legs are for, let alone the other.

Caused a serious setback in his training schedule.

I suppose that cigar's not going to do him any harm, though, eh?

Is that it?

Yeah, that is it.

He's got nice eyes.

Shame about the legs.

Sorry, Tasty. You were saying something about these video machines.

Oh, yeah, you interested.

Well, it depends how many and how much.

Well, they've got 30 of them, they.

Fred and his pal.

They're asking a tour apiece. I'm not interested.

Don't worry, I know I can bid them down to one and a half.

These ain't any cheapy models.

They retire over six in the shops.

I'm interested.

Hold on, hold on. What's the history on these video machines?

What's the what?

History.

Gee, do they know we belong firm?

Unloading his stock before the creditors move in. In other words, they're

rookie. No.

No, not really.

Like bankrupt stock that's innocently sold off before the receiver steps in.

It's right, isn't it, Arthur?

Yeah, a perfectly normal business procedure.

I mean, all your respectable defaulters do it.

Oh, yeah.

So who are these two pals of yours, then, huh?

Dave knows them. Here, Dave, here a minute.

Oh, they are cash customers.

Tell me.

Well, of course I'm interested. Tell me more.

When is this going off?

But you will let me know, won't you?

Well, it had better be right, because I've got to tell you, you're well

my son. Well overdue, if you take my meaning.

You know how to get in touch.

Good news, isn't it?

Could be, Jones.

Could be. Oh.

Just wondering, like, you know.

That happened to be a personal informant of mine who's been intelligent enough

to give me some interesting intelligence, but a little firm knocking

videos. Northern, do we?

No, not yet.

We will.

We will.

Did he have anything useful to whisper in your ear, Dinger?

If he's right, Mellish, more than useful, more than useful, this could be

bloody big coup.

Oh, yes. Oh, yes.

This could mean I should be nicking the bold Arthur Daly and his crony, Terry

McCann, bang to rights in a very serious criminal exercise.

Don't think he's sick or something, do you? Well, you know what Paddy said,

homesick. I mean, he'd tell you himself if he could talk.

He can't talk at all, can he?

Not if he's got no woof to his mouth. Please, Terry.

Jokes in bad taste are not good for his morale.

You never know, it might make him run away.

He'll run.

I have something in here that will bring about a devastating turn of poor.

What's that, a large economy jar of Coleman's, is it? Eh?

I've fixed up a meet.

He shouldn't be too long.

You're meeting him here?

Yeah.

I don't see why this little bit of business should interfere with Dee Dee's

training schedule.

You sure you know what you're getting into with this video deal?

Yeah, if they want to sell, I want to buy it. What's the problem?

You don't know the geezers. They could be anybody.

Well, Tasty's done business with them. Yeah, well, I've always had him down as

bit slippery and all. Nah, that's just his way.

Anyway, Dave says they're proper people.

What, on a strength of one drink?

What are you worrying about? What am I, a mug or something?

What do you mean he wants a sample? Well, it shouldn't be a problem, should

You're joking, aren't you?

You will try not to muck.

Damage or abuse it, Fred, won't you? Don't worry, Harry, it'll be safe.

Thanks, mate.

Yeah.

Just bring it back intact on.

Faster, Kerry, faster!

I'm going to force a bleeding can!

What? It's bleeding ridiculous.

This bowl's too small.

Look, it was all ready to spring forth when you stopped.

Get back on.

No.

What is the matter with you?

DD was already very off.

Listen, if I'd been on the road, I would have been doing about 100 miles an

hour. Oh, yeah.

That's stupid, that thing. It should be the same size as the wheel. I told you

that before we started. That is just your excuse.

Oh, give me strength.

Somebody better.

Are the blokes you're meeting?

Yeah.

No, you must have misheard me.

I said a motorbike, didn't I?

I mean, it's obvious, isn't it?

Sorry, Arthur.

Got it a bit wrong. That bike with the special fixtures put me back 38 sobs.

And now you tell me you got it wrong.

Well, it don't matter.

Nothing's going to make this run.

Yeah, some of them can be like that. Bloody Paddy. I reckon he knew.

Oh, really?

Well, then, how about our bit of it?

Yeah, right.

Tasty says you want to view the goods before... Yeah, yeah, no disrespect,

but I like to do things proper, if you do understand.

Of course, Arthur. It wouldn't be right to part with any wedge until you've seen

what you're getting. Exactly.

Want to have a look at it here?

Here? We've got one tucked in the boot.

Oh.

Um, yeah, all right.

Yeah, it looks like the business.

What do you reckon, Terry?

It's all right, I suppose. I don't know.

20, eh?

30.

I thought Tasty was having 10. Oh, I had to take some dough into something else,

Harper. I only take five. If you want the rest... Well, I tell you what, make

them a one or a piece and I'll take them.

No, forget it.

I mean, we've got to get our bit out of it, haven't we?

I thought you said he'd agreed a price.

Yeah.

That's what I thought.

Come on, Fred.

I ain't being pissed around like this.

Bernie said he'd take half of them, and for what we're asking.

Yeah, you're right.

Still want yours, don't you?

Yeah. Yeah, right, we'll sort it out later. Now, hang on, chaps, don't let's

hasty. I'm sure we can come to a compromise on this price.

How about one and a quarter?

Excuse me a minute, will you? Yeah.

What are you doing, Arthur?

That's going to make me look a right mug, isn't it? Don't be soppy -tasty,

doing you a favour.

They'll think I'm a right mug if I don't bid, won't they?

If you want my opinion, I think you ought to forget the old bleeding thing.

Yeah, well, we don't want your opinion, I think. When it comes to business

decisions, I make them.

Oh, yeah?

What, like the double -shrewd deal you did with Paddy early?

Don't worry, you will be paying a visit to Paddy. Will I? Oh, yeah.

Make it 135 a lump and they're yours.

130 and you've got a trade.

OK.

Did you see him then go?

I did, yes.

Oh? They'll be at it tonight, and so will we.

Not much to go on, is it, though? A couple of Christian names, no

No matter.

It's a bonus.

Oh?

Guess who the buyer is.

Right.

It's our very much.

The result, Gav.

The right result.

Daly and McCann.

are as good as holding hands on the exercise yard in the scrubs.

When are we moving then, Gus? You got something to go?

As soon as we're sure they've got the gear.

When does Arnie want the van back?

I said any time in the morning would be all right.

Listen, why didn't you get them just to deliver straight round to the locker?

They haven't got suitable transport.

No, we meet them at the boozer with Tasty and then we collect from their

You sure this is kosher?

How can it not be, Terry?

That's it over there.

Cheers. Cheers.

Are you sure he'll show?

Course he will.

Loves a dear laugh, I think.

Imagine Charlie Chisholm's face when I walk into the station with both Daly and

McCann on a leash.

There'll be one up on Sergeant Rightcourt if you collar them, won't it?

you mean, if?

If you've got us nicked.

Right. Shall we get going, then?

No point in all of us schlepping round there. You take Terry to pick up the

parcel. We'll dwell here till he gets back.

Is that all right with you, Arthur?

Certainly, Fred, certainly.

Tasty? That suits me.

As long as we don't have to hang around too long. I've got some other business

to see to.

Right, off you go, then.

All right.

No, no, now. Now. Come on. Let me finish my bleeding drink first.

Must be one of them with the canoga.

Don't get overexcited, Jones. They'll be back.

It ain't long, will it?

Well, we've got time for a few more drinks.

Darling.

Oh, you said it was just up the road.

Don't worry, it ain't much further.

God, I ain't inflated.

That's where he lives.

Yeah, first floor, number 10. You might as well keep an eye on the van while I

go and get...

I won't be long.

I thought you said they wouldn't be long. I can't hang about, you know.

In fact, I shouldn't be here now.

Yeah, well, they've got a clipper gauge, don't they? Get round to his warehouse

and load up.

Takes a bit of time, doesn't it? Yeah, but listen, Alfie, you don't mind if I

slip, do you?

No, not at all. But what about... I'll weigh in with my bit now, then I'll call

round and pick up my stuff from your lock -up tomorrow, if you don't mind.

No, no, that's fine, but don't you want to... No, no, no.

Give it a half or two, that way we keep everything proper, you know.

I'll see you then. Yeah.

Tomorrow. Right.

Oh, by the way, can you shift those TVs I've got to you? No problem. It'll be

the same day.

See you then.

Me and Ted have got to meet as well.

That ain't going to be much longer.

Wait, what?

Where's your car?

Can you send in an arms holder?

What's he bloody doing back on his own?

Do you think we ought to make a move now, Duff?

No. Why not?

Because what would be the point without the evidence?

Critting.

Hello?

Sorry to bother you. Can I have a word with Ted, please?

Ted who?

Ted. He just came up here. About my elect, Fair Curly Hair.

I think you've got the wrong flat.

There ain't no Fair Curly Hair bloke here.

In fact, there ain't no bloke here.

No, he'd definitely fed number ten.

Well, you're certainly welcome to come in and look around.

Well, maybe some other time, eh?

Sorry about that.

Hey, what's the matter?

You afraid you did store something?

Pulp, Chuck? Yeah, about a mile up the road.

It was a front tyre as well. I thought we was going to smash into this post

But we didn't.

Everything's all right, innit? I mean, we haven't damaged none of the... No,

no, they're all right.

Mind, I'm glad Plod weren't about to make themselves busy.

He was having a bit of agfix in the spare, so I jumped in a cab to let you

In case anyone was wondering where we were.

Mind you, it's a flea nuisance.

We're supposed to be over the other place about now.

Yeah, you're right. Yeah, but what about... It's OK, we'll jump in a motor

drop you off at Terry in the van. All right, I'll just finish this.

What about the... Oh, yeah, man, have you got... Have you got the dough,

Dough? You know, for the... Oh, yeah, yeah, absolutely.

Well, give us it then and let's get going.

What, give it to you now? Do you want to stand in the middle of the street

checking a parcel for that count of money? No, no, of course not, but I

I'll hang on to the reddies until I've seen... Do what? Take it easy, Ted,

start. Don't start? Don't start?

I didn't want to knock them out to him in the first place. All right, nothing.

I've been running around like a loon, umping the bleeding gear. No, sod him.

Let's flog him to Bernie, like I said, and we'll make more for our end.

OK, OK, look, you get yourself a drink and me and Arthur will be back in a

minute. Come on, Arthur.

Come on, Liv.

We're a special public.

Sorry about that, Art. Ted's as good as gold, really, but he can get a bit

violent if he thinks people are taking liberties.

Yeah, I'm sorry. I didn't mean to upset you.

Funny, you wouldn't have to look at him, but he murdered a geezer once.

Murdered? Yeah, but he had a result. Thought it reduced to manslaughter.

Only ended up getting a five.

Right. Look, um, it's not that I don't trust you on the stand, but, uh, just to

keep him happy, if you want to just let me check the dough.

Oh, yeah, yeah, of course we'd put it like that. And why not?

Only if you're sure.

Listen, Fred, without trust, there'd be no trading, would there?

Now, there's tasty as bed.

And there's mine.

I'm sure we'll buy this all out.

I'm sure it is, Arthur.

I just want to take a quick... I'll be out in a minute.

No, wait till they come out.

I've been cornered, Terry.

The bastards have cornered me.

Nearly four grand on my board.

I told you I never... I told you so. Come on, I want them found. I want their

bodies damaged and brutalised. I want my money back.

What are you doing here?

What am I doing here? I am on surveillance.

So am I. I was just in the process of necking these two. So was I.

Mr Chisholm, Mr Rycott, do you need a witness?

Never mind all that, Daly. You are both nicked. Nicked? What for?

Wait a minute, Rycott. This is my collar, if you don't mind. It is not.

been watching them all evening. So are we. Open up the back of this van. Hold

on, hold on. What are you all talking about? Hold on. Hey, do you mind? As a

matter of fact, I do.

Anything we can assist you gentlemen with?

It's always the same these days. You can't trust anyone, not even your so

-called friends.

I don't know why you're having a go at me, Arthur. It's not my fault you got

cornered. You vouchsafed their credentials. You said they were proper

just said they were a couple of your own who didn't mind putting their hands in

their pockets.

If you ask me, it's tasty you ought to be having a word with.

Don't worry, I've got Terry out looking for him now.

Oh, that's cool.

How's the wonder doggy?

Oh, I'm sick.

But that'll see.

Oi! Terry!

Yeah? Just on my way round to Arthur's Lockup to pick up me a bit of gear.

because I've got a world to do.

What about?

What about?

I'm talking about three grand's worth of non -existent videos that you sold

Arthur. Non -existent? What are you talking about?

Just get in the motor, eh? Are you telling me you didn't collect?

Just get in the motor.

You must be maltreating him somehow.

Maltreating him? This dog of dogs has had more steak stuck in him than

Overfeeding it, then.

Listen, this animal you foisted on me will not run. It is immobile. This is a

stationary dog.

Well, I don't understand.

It ran for me.

Perhaps that is because you were prepared to do...

unspeakable things to its nether regions.

I personally am not prepared to subject myself or this miserable beast to such a

distasteful ordeal.

So what do you want to do? Not what I want to do. It's what I'm doing. I'm

backing it.

In what race?

I am backing it whence it came, to this knackered yard.

What am I supposed to do with it? I don't care. Teach it to lay down, play

That shouldn't be difficult. I want my 200 stops.

The way Chisholm's going off, he does my bloody fault. Yeah, well, it's not my

governor I have to do to explain to the D .I.

My life's a misery without a man.

Yeah, I know what you mean.

I'm not too jolly.

Is that between you and me?

No. Who was it who ready -eyed it for you?

Well, just between me and you, John, if I had told you that.

And Chisholm got a no.

Back in the Three Valleys.

Directing traffic.

I swear, Arthur, my eyesight. I'm just as gutted as you are.

I can't believe they could have done this. There must be some explanation.

There is. You bloody set me up. Us up, you mean?

Come off it. I've done my dough as well.

Money I trusted you to look after for me. If anyone should have the ump around

here, it should be me with you.

Hit him, Terry. Hit him several times, all over the place. It's not going to be

necessary, is it? No, no. Now, look, Arthur, let's try and be reasonable

this. Reasonable? I have done three and a half grand in cold down to you

introducing me to them reptiles. I want it back.

Well, don't you think I want my bit back?

Well, never mind all that crap. Where can we find these merchants?

Well, I only know where they drink.

Right, Tasty, let's go get in the back. Go? Go where? Where your mates drink.

And if I get my money back, I might even let you buy me one. Go on, get in the

back.

Go on.

Worthy of the deepest contempt.

Bloody farcical. An exercise of mind -boggling ineptitude. What the hell do

you think you both were doing?

Well, as I have explained in my report, sir... All you have explained, Sergeant

Rycott, is a remarkable aptitude for ignoring police procedure.

Well, actually, sir... The same goes for you, Chisholm.

Well, sir...

Haven't we got enough real villains running around this Division III without

wasting valuable police property and time on independent crusades after petty

suspect characters like Daly and McCann?

With all due respect, sir, if that information had proved correct... We

was it?

Will? No, sir.

And who are these mysterious informers whose identities you both seem at pains

to hide?

Actually, sir... The days of police officers keeping the identities of their

pet grasses to themselves are over. Do I make myself clear?

Absolutely, sir.

Oh, yes, of course, sir.

Well?

Actually, mine was anonymous, sir.

If so was mine, sir. So was mine.

Frankly, Jones, I'm getting a bit tired of your ineptitude.

Me? What have I done? Well, not enough. Not nearly enough.

What you tell me to do?

Well, exactly.

There's no drive, no ambition, no initiative. It's all left to me.

Aye, aye.

Give you a hard time, did he give?

What?

Er, the tea I like, you know.

Give you a hard time.

Sorry, John, but you are friendly with Wycott BC Menish, are you not?

Yes, we do have the occasional drink together, but...

It's entirely beyond your ability to find out what Rycott and Mellish are up

in the future and help by putting me in a picture.

Did you glean anything

from Jones?

Like what?

Like what is Chisholm's grass called?

Like what is their next move?

Well, he's very loyal to his governor, actually, gov.

So, er...

What's our next move?

Find that bloody grass of mine and try and discover what the hell went boss

-eyed yesterday.

We've been here long enough. Where are they?

How do I know, Arthur?

Normally you're near every day. This is ridiculous. Oh, look, if you've got a

bit of business to do, how do you contact them? I've got a number, haven't

Well, why don't you say so?

There's only a certain time of the day you can ring it.

Might be all right now. Come on, get on.

What number is it?

That one.

Well, good thinking, Terry.

Who's six?

No answer.

What now?

I'm bursting for a leech.

Go with him.

No, no, no, it's all right. There are no windows you can slip out of in there.

Are you sure?

Look, we can't keep hold of him indefinitely, can we?

No. Then why don't we just let him shoot up and ask him a bit of money, right?

See if he is pitching us up or not.

Well, he likes it better.

What about that shop he generally uses?

Spare me your pertinent suggestions, Jones, please.

I think our best bet is to sit off outside his drum and wait until he

the moody phone call to the telephone box.

He well stood it, didn't he?

Done him like a kipper.

Yeah, well, you want to stay convinced if you don't want to spank him off that

terry. I understand he's a bit useful.

What you got to say to him?

Can we meet at a place of your convenience?

Can I have my money back, please?

Hello, God.

Dave, your positive pessimism is a constant source of comfort to me.

Well, maybe Terry will get lucky.

I sincerely hope so.

I'll never be able to hold my head up on the manor again if I get away with it.

It gets about.

You leaving?

Don't want to. Got to.

Webbed up with her indoors.

Staying overnight with the in -laws. God give me strength.

If Terry shows, I'll be back in the morning.

I'll jet him.

I'll draw it carefully.

You're three.

And another five.

Yeah, we'll go in a minute.

Charlie, what are you doing here?

What are you doing with this man, Riker?

Well, I don't suppose it matters very much now, Charlie, but this is my grass.

Tasty Tim.

No, he's not.

He's mine.

I can explain everything.

It's the truth, Mr Chisholm. Mr Rycock.

May I never see my poor sick mother again, alone in her wheelchair, at the

folks' home.

Look, it wasn't my fault. The geezer with the videos didn't show.

How was I supposed to know that would happen? It still doesn't explain how you

gave this officer here the same information as you gave me without

either of us.

Mr Chisholm means, Tasty, you gave us that false information separately.

That is what I said.

That is what I said. Thus occasioning a very serious waste of my valuable time.

And mine. And mine. Not to mention causing Mr Chisholm to crash his motor

into mine.

What? What?

It was you who crashed into me.

Look, Mr. Rycock, Mr. Chisholm, be fair.

Put yourselves in my position.

You both of you put the frighteners on me at the same time to come up with

something. Well, when this thing turned up, I thought, do them both a favour.

You know, what was I supposed to do?

I'll tell you what I'm going to do. I'm going to give you one last chance to

come up with a result.

And soon.

Otherwise, you're going to be in serious trouble, my son. I shall personally see

to that.

What are you doing here without Mr Chisholm on your arm? Don't mention that

name. I'll have a large scotch, please, Dave.

Followed quickly by another one.

Oh,

yeah!

And that's not all I have to put up with.

No, what's that?

I suppose you know what happened.

I suppose you know what happened with Arthur and Teddy.

Yeah, I understand they had a bit of aggro with you a lot.

Some sort of mistake.

Mistake? Mistake isn't the word for it.

This is strictly between me and you, Dave.

Strictly between you and me.

Oh, Taff, I am well known for my discretion.

You're joking.

I'm not. Totally legless, apparently.

They've had to bung him in a cab, then he phoned me and told me what happened.

It's quite funny if you think about it, isn't it?

Tasty having them both over.

That's not funny, Terry.

Back in my day, little ratbags had us all over. Yeah.

And according to what Jones let slip today, he was being pressured to put us

offer again.

Yeah, and his two pals... I want to see him in intensive care.

What?

Well, you can bet that his two corner artist mates don't know he's a wrong

Well, who cares what happens to them?

After I get my money back, that is, which reminds me... We can use it, can't

Use what?

Here we go.

Boy!

Come here!

I'll break your arm.

or I'll break his legs, or you give Arthur back his dough, all right? Don't

his sight. We can sort this out without getting physical. Can we?

You look ill, Jones.

Well, I hope you're not going to use that as an excuse for being four hours

on duty.

We all hustle for a living, Arthur.

No hard feelings, I hope.

It ain't nothing personal. All right, Terry, you can chin them now. Oh, shut

You've got your dough, haven't you? What?

Listen, there's something you two ought to know.

I think we ought to have a little discussion.

Tasty of grass.

Not only did he set Arthur and me up with you two, now he intends to set us

up to be nicked.

Well, we'd better do something about that then.

Eh, Fred?

Well, what's my part in it then? Well, Fred's gone to get the mug now. All you

have to do is stand the van with a bit of gear.

Fred and I turn up with a mug and we do the usual. Show him the gear, agree a

price and, well... Like we've done with Arthur.

Right.

What

did

you say your name was?

Well, that don't matter, does it?

Thing is... Tasty asked me to pass on this message because he couldn't get to

phone.

Oh, yeah, and he said, could you pass this message on to Sergeant Rycock, is

Yeah, he said something about keeping him in the picture.

Said you'd know what he meant.

Aren't you going to tell Mr Rycock, girls?

Why should I?

Do you think he'd tell me?

Sergeant Rycock.

Yes.

I see.

Oh, yeah. And he said, could you pass this message on to Sergeant Chisholm, is

it?

Yeah, that's right.

Well, I don't think, Mellish, it's out of character.

And besides, I can't tell him if he's not here, can I?

Chisholm, what are you doing here? What are you doing here? Where are the

others, and what, may I ask, are these?

Well... Go.

What?

Well, well, Charlie.

What a coincidence.

I don't believe it.

Where's Daly and McCann?

What?

Now, look... I don't know how you come to be here, Charlie, but... My name is

Albert!

Come on, what happened then? They had another bloody ruck about who was going

nick Tasty.

Once it was discovered the TV is my band's line.

Mind, don't ever let on I've told you all this.

Chester was crucial, I mean. Don't worry, Taff, your secret's safe with us.

Oh, God, can't you picture their faces? They weren't too pleased, I can tell

you. Just between us, Taff. Did they fuss that someone we might know set them

up? What do you bloody think?

Nothing they can do about it, though, is there? No.

Excuse me, I've got to phone the governor.

Cheerful Charlie.

His name's Aldert.

Oh, it gets better, doesn't it?

Jonesy.

Arthur.

Paddy, you come to give me my tour?

Yes, I have, Arthur.

Eh?

And I'll buy you a drink.

What? Yeah, you did me a right favour, giving me that dog back. Yeah.

Turned out he was only suffering with some sort of virus.

Just won a grade A race at the White City.

Flew in.

Nearly broke the track record.

Trainer reckons he'll turn out to be a likely derby prospect this year.

Terry, eat him.

Where's he running next, and when?

Terran!

If you want to obtain the situation,

right people, right time, just the wrong

location.

I've got a good idea.

Just you keep me near. I'll be so good for you. I could be so good for you.