All language subtitles for minder_s05e05_second_hand_rose

Love you like you want.

Terry, you all right?

But... What?

You... I don't know why you're taking
that attitude. Just because it was a mix

-up in communications.

No,

no, Terry, don't worry.

Don't worry.

You're going to be perfectly all right.

Don't worry, Terry.

Good rubdown with a nice young nurse in
a starched uniform.

Plate the chicken vindaloo. You'll be as
right as ninepence.

Now, Tom and Terry, I mean, it was me
that called the meat wagon.

These angels of mercy.

You two coming along as well, sir?

No.

No, no, he's right. No, I'm sure
you'll... I'll just follow up in my...

Well,

to be honest, love, half this stuff I
couldn't even give away.

But, uh, tell you what.

I'll do you a right favour.

I'll clear the lot.

Let's say another 20 quid on top of my
offer, how's that?

Well, I don't know. Well, that's the
best I can do, I'm sorry.

Well, it doesn't seem like very much,
but... Well, what can I do with it?

we've had a lot with your old father,
dead and gone.

God rest his soul.

Um, are you sure there's nothing else?

No. No.

Just the cabinet in the bedroom and the
china.

When can you clear it?

As soon as you like.

Well, there are a few personal effects
of my father's I still have to sort out.

Yeah.

I understand.

I'll tell you what.

You sort out what you have to and drop
the keys to the estate agent.

I'll pick them up from there.

Fine. Okay.

So whose bright idea was it to lock him
in a cold storage room, eh?

Mine, as a matter of fact.

But it wasn't my fault that he got left
stuck in there.

Go on, then.

Look, if the geezer who was knitting the
meat had turned up and my friend's car

hadn't broken down, it wouldn't have
happened, would it?

Arthur. Whatever way you look at it, it
was a pretty stupid thing to do.

Terry could have died in it.

Don't remind me, Dave.

But there you go. The best laid plan of
mouse and man.

I mean, Hitler and Napoleon, they made a
right ricket at a Russian winter,

didn't they?

What's that got to do with it?

Well, at least I got Terry out before
the real freeze set in.

Oh, yeah, yeah. I'm sure he'll be very
grateful to you for that.

Here, incidentally, aren't you supposed
to phone the hospital about picking him

up? Oh, my God, yes.

God, Charlie, you're a sight for sore
eyes. Do you want a lift?

Oh, not many, mate. What are you doing
around here?

Dove eyes.

You're kidding, aren't you?

No, I'm not kidding.

Another couple of hours, I would have
ended up in bee jams next to the fish

fingers.

I'm throwing a laugh at you, Bill.

How did you stand for that?

It's awful, isn't it?

Yeah, yeah, I know, I know.

He was supposed to pick me up from the
hospital, I know.

Don't rely on the law.

Yeah?

Well, he can rely on this. The next time
I see him, I'm going to jump up and

down on his trilby.

With his head still in it.

Well, Arthur was going to pick you up,
Charles. He rang the hospital from here,

but you'd already been let loose.

Where is he now, then?

I don't know.

Bit of business, he said.

Yeah, maybe he's actually gone to Bee
Jams. See what sort of price he will get

for you.

I suppose he gave you the version that
it's all a jolly jape and he's totally

blameless, yeah?

I did tell him I thought it was a stupid
thing to do. Well, the next time you

see him, you can tell him from me that
we are finished.

Got it?

Terminated, definitely.

Oh, come on, tell.

I'm pissed off with all his ending up
the Wally and his stupid antics.

So what are you going to do to get a
crest?

I'm not totally helpless without Arthur
Olin in the head daily, you know. No,

no, I didn't mean that. What I meant
was... Yeah, and for your information,

got a living lined up.

Charlie has put me on wages.

OK. Yeah.

Yeah, you know Keith, my partner, don't
you? Yeah.

He's only been laid down for a three
-month stretch for a salt and a copper,

hasn't he?

Yeah. Well elephants at the time,
weren't he?

Stupid idiot.

Anyway, I need someone to give me a hand
at the shop. I'm in gear.

Arthur won't be too pleased. You'll nick
and cherry off him. Oi.

I'm not a bit of property, you know.

There's a little bit of brain up there
somewhere, isn't there? I can make my

decisions. Leave off, Teller. I wasn't
having a go at you.

I don't see what you mean, Rowley.

Not the sort of place you'd want to have
an accidental fire in or a series of

ugly fracas, is there? There was a time
I'd have thought it out myself, Arthur,

but I'm too old and you know that sort
of thing these days.

Agnes!

I thought demanding money with
menaces...

There's a way of getting an owner who's
finished these days. Too much porridge

about. There's always a few nutters
around who'll have some of it. How much

they at the demand for?

Monkey a week.

Oh, my God, that much.

That must bite into the profits a bit.

A bit.

You know, Rowley, in a situation like
this, you wouldn't be totally out of

calling in the old bill. Yeah, I know,
but I always sorted out my own

aggravation when I used to be at it,
Arthur. And I can't change that much,

if I have gone legit.

No, I know what you mean.

I mean, there are certain codes of
conduct and lifestyles that the great

unwashed out there wouldn't understand.

I mean, we are talking about proper
people with proper values.

Right. And the only thing these bastards
understand is violence. So if you can

get Terry to persuade him to try
elsewhere, there's a grand in it for

No, no problem, Rowley, no problem. Just
leave it with me.

So where are we going after, then?

Flat cleaner's job.

Got to pick up the keys from the estate
agents first, though. Yeah.

I always wondered how you got hold of
all this junk you knock out.

It's not too difficult.

You can bang on doors and ask.

Keep your eye on the obituary columns
and local papers.

Culture a few geezers and estate agents,
obviously.

See who's moving out.

Selling up, etc.

It's easy.

Charlie Pope?

Yep.

He's supposed to be a friend of mine.

He's well out of order poaching my
labour force. Well out of order.

Well, that ain't the way Terry sees it
at all.

Well, I'll tell you this, he has got
that dead needle with you.

Your relationship is, how do you put it,
finished.

Totally terminated, as far as he's
concerned.

What, really?

You could say that his attitude is
decidedly frosty.

Ah, he'll thaw out. That boy can't cross
a road without me to guide him.

Hello, Mary.

Mr Raleigh's about?

Oh, no, he's gone to do some property.

I'm afraid he won't be back till late
this afternoon.

I've come for the keys to the flat he
knows me a call.

Oh, yeah, he mentioned something.

Clearance job.

Oh, I'd do better.

Keep him busy, are you?

Sort of.

What's the number of the... Six.

What's the

matter?

Silly bleeder.

I must be cracking up.

It's number nine, isn't it?

Here you go.

Yeah, oh.

I don't know what the hell I'm here to
do.

The trolley.

What trolley?

The trolley to move some of the gear.
It's in the back of the van.

That's all right. I'll go down and get
it.

All right.

Hello?

Anybody home?

Took your time, didn't you?

Yeah, well, I was taking a leak, wasn't
I?

I didn't expect this.

What?

Well, when you said it was some old
boy's gaff, I thought, well, you know.

Well, not all old boys are boracic and
living in poverty town.

Well,

come on, let's ship what we've got to
you.

Got a busy day ahead.

As a runabout for your good lady wife,
you couldn't do better, Mr Collins.

Economical is not the word.

If it ran on water, it couldn't be
cheaper.

Stylish, easy to park, and above all,
British.

Well, I'm not sure I wanted to go to the
price you're asking.

Well, you're pleased with the Merc,
aren't you?

Oh, yes, yes.

Well, as an old customer, I think I can
accommodate you. Shall we say, what, 5 %

discount on my asking price?

Shall we say 10?

10? Cash.

Oh, well. No, and on the proviso that my
wife likes it.

So, if you'd like to drop it round.

All right. Yeah, well, I didn't... What
are you doing?

stuff in it.

Yeah.

It's knitting.

Cookery books.

Maybe he was an old queen.

Um, could be his daughter.

Yeah, but I thought you said he lived
alone.

Yeah, but she's the failure now again,
him being thick like, you know.

Why would she leave stuff like this
then, eh?

I don't know.

Maybe she looked... Now I think of it,
she did mention something about one or

two personal items still being left.

Look, I'll tell you what.

You cop hold of that standard lamp over
there and take it down to the van.

I'll sort this stuff out. I'll stick it
in a bag or something, all right?

I'll give her a call and let her know.

Yeah, hold on.

Mr. Daly. Collins.

A natural directional instinct and the A
to Z helped.

Yes, of course.

Well, you'd better come in. Oh, thank
you.

Abigail, Mr. Daly's here with the car.

OK, I'll be down in a minute.

Oh, thank you.

Of course, it's much larger than our
last place.

It took us ages to find what we were
looking for.

Mind you, we didn't really want to be
this far from the centre of town, which

perhaps explains the second car.

Very nice, Mr. Collins, very nice.

You can't beat a touch of the suburban
rurals within striking distance of the

metropolis, I always say.

Do you?

Ah, I see your eye for quality doesn't
stop at houses and cars, Mr Collins.

Very tasteful.

Very tasteful indeed.

Unfortunately, I'm going to have to buy
one or two more pieces to avoid looking

somewhat Spartan.

Oh, really?

Oh, I may be able to help you there.

Oh? Yes, the goods and chattels trade
forms quite a part of my extensive

business empire. I mean, what I haven't
got, I can get. You don't just have to

ask.

Ah, there you are.

Mr Daly, my wife Abigail.

It's a pleasure and an honour to make
your acquaintance, my dear.

How perfectly charming of you to say so,
Mr Daly. Definitely.

Yeah, definitely.

Pardon? May I say, as someone who's been
in the motor trade for a considerable

time and is noted for his discernment,
that a set of wheels should fit in with

the personality of the person who owns
them.

Oh, really?

And if I may make so bold, what awaits
you in your driveway will blend in with

your good self.

Like the very best in Oakfordshire.

Good God.

The wrong ones.

Afraid so.

Completely wasted journey. I was
practically there when I realised you'd

me the wrong ones.

And me with a right busy schedule as
well.

Oh, dear, I am sorry.

Mr Rawlings will really have a go at me
when he finds out.

You see, I did the same thing with a
potential client only last week.

Don't worry about it.

I won't say anything if you don't, OK?

Oh, service the good of you.

I'll get you the right ones.

Lovely.

I don't know what's been the matter with
me lately.

I've been getting overexcited.

Nervous, actually.

Oh? Why's that?

I'm going on holiday tomorrow.

Abroad.

In a plane.

It's just I've never flown before, you
know.

I get this sick feeling every time I
think about it.

You just take a couple of Mogadons and a
large drop of duty free. You'll be all

right.

Hello, John. All right? Hello, Charlie.

I've just come about the key to the flat
in Ellesmere Court.

Oh, yes.

Have you got them?

Oh, yes.

Here they are. Number six.

That's them.

There you go.

Thanks a lot.

Take you long, will you?

Er, well, I'm a bit short on time today,
so I thought, well, pick up the keys

now and make a start first thing in the
morning. All right?

Sure, just drop them back as soon as
you're done.

Right. Sorry, John.

Bye, Mary.

Right.

OK.

Morning, OK.

Just caught for another clearance job in
the same block of flats.

Same block? How do you manage that?

Oh, they handle all that property.

Some gig are selling up and going
abroad.

It's handy, though, isn't it?

Yeah, morning, Andy.

Right, where to? The shop?

No, dear, the main mine in Rathbone
Street. We can get rid of most of this

straight away.

It's all go, isn't it?

I was pointing out to your husband just
now that the economy of this vehicle is

such that it brings... Yes, sir, please.

Tears to a petrol salesman's eyes.

And does it have reclining seats?

Oh, yes, indeed, my dear. And at the
touch of a button, you can be positively

prostrate. I'll come round and show you.

I'll just show you.

This is good.

I'll be able to bless it.

Bless it?

Yes. You know.

A spring strong.

Oh, my God.

If I'd seen someone stealing my
possessions, I should have done

it then and then.

Or at the very least have been able to
describe them to you.

I'm not a fool.

Oh, no, of course not, madam.

It's just that, well, to remove so much
stuff would have taken some time.

And that would have been a bit risky.

Unless, of course, they knew you weren't
likely to be around.

Meaning? Well, meaning they probably
cased the job.

That is to say, spent some time
observing the flats and you and your

you're likely to be there, when you're
not.

Probably even followed you to work.

So, you see, you may have subconsciously
noticed... Rubbish!

I'm an extremely observant person,
Sergeant.

And I can assure you that if any man
followed me, I would be aware of it.

Have you had any callers at the flat
recently, on some pretext or other? No

that I didn't know or that I wasn't
expecting.

And as I told you, I only moved into the
damn place a little more than a week

ago.

This is a total waste of my time.

Yes, ma 'am.

Well, if you would just like to let the
officer here have a complete list of

everything that was taken, together with
an approximate valuation.

No, Terry, no.

Decided to show your face at last, have
you? I beg your pardon?

You can beg all you like something,
you'll get nothing.

Terry, I've simply come over to clarify
a misunderstanding.

Misunderstanding? Yes. I am informed by
Dave that for some incomprehensible

reason, you have got me up with me.

Well, actually, I'm somewhat bewildered.

Stop. Stop. Just stop, will you? Before
you go into one, let me tell you this,

son. I'm not interested, right? You and
me are finished.

Finito. No more. You got that?

I see. That's my reward, is it?

That's the gratitude I get for years of
loyal friendship.

A dagger in the back. That's what I get
for my unselfish sucker and support of

you along life's hazardous highways.

Treachery. That's my take -home pay.

How much is Charlie asking for these
chairs?

Unbelievable. Do what?

You.

Me? Not a word.

Not a single word.

Terry, are you all right?

All right. Am I all right? You've got
the front to come in here and ask me if

I'm all right. I could have died in that
bleeding freezer, couldn't I? Terry.

What do I get? Do I get one word of
apology? No.

Do I get one word of explanation?

No. All I get is garbage, innit? That's
all I've ever got from you, innit? Now,

now, Terry.

Don't you now, now, Terry me.

All right, now, now, Mr McCann.

Listen, why don't you just piss off
before I really get the needle?

You are being very unreasonable, Terry.
I explained everything to Dave. He told

me that he... Yeah, what did he tell
you? Just let me say this to you.

The frosty fate that you suffered.

Arthur. Listen.

I have absolutely no interest anymore in
whatever you've got to say or do. All

right? All right.

Can I take it you're not interested in
earning 200 sols for ten minutes of your

valuable time?

Just go away now, will you?

All right.

Hey, Charlie.

Doing all right, are you?

Yeah, yeah.

How are you doing, Arthur?

Well, I'm not wearing hand -made suits
because I'm a pauper, but otherwise

business as usual, you know.

With or without, I'd help. Oh, yeah,
well, I was... Don't be embarrassed

Terry. He's his own man.

If he wants to start again from the
bottom, that's his prerogative.

How's the junk furniture business going,
by the way? Oh, it's not all junk,

Arthur, you know.

I get on with the odd bit of cream.

Look, really?

Can't say I've noticed.

Pity, really, cos Erlin Dawes has been
agging me for a couple of nice chairs to

go with a Regency stripe we've had
bunged on the lounge wall.

Listen, I'm going to get a cup of
tinasani, all right? Oh, yeah, don't be

long, will you? So I've got that job to
do, all right? I'll be back in a minute.

Oh, well, a couple of deals to conclude
before noon.

Well, I'd better be on my way. Hang on a
second, Arthur.

I might have just what you're looking
for.

Oh, yeah, here, Rowley. Have you tried
his car lock?

No, he's not there.

What about his locker?

I've tried it.

Well, if he shows, I'll get him to give
you a bell.

Tell him it's important.

Oh, yeah, it's important, Rowley.

I still can't believe that Arthur parted
with seven and a half for those chairs.

Genuine antiques, Terry. He's had a
right good deal. Take my word for it.

How much they stand you in for?

Oh, about a monkey, I suppose.

A beautiful pair of Regency chairs, Mr.
Collins.

What?

Yeah, of course I can.

What time?

No, no, no, no, that's no problem.

Right, will do.

Bye.

Okay, Arthur. Yeah, thanks, Daddy.

Yeah, what's my child really told you if
he calls again?

Tell him not to worry. I'm working on
it. Oh.

Terry's given you a blank. Listen, that
ingrate is not the only muscle on the

plot. I'll think of someone.

Here you are.

Here I am.

A bit clubby in here, isn't it?

On the downstairs, all right? OK.

Oh, well, well.

This could be very interesting.

What are you doing?

What's that? There's something I've got
to tell you.

What are you doing?

You did what?

I was going to tell you, aren't you?

Oh, do you? And it's Charlie. So help
me. Don't get upset.

Don't get upset.

Just listen to me.

I'm sure I should. Tell no one, I
guarantee.

How do you know that? You can't possibly
know that, can you? I mean, they could

have been looking out the windows or
anything.

No, I was watching.

All the time I was watching.

Well, I would be, wouldn't I?

Yeah, but it don't matter, does it? I
mean, how hard is it for them to check

with the estate agent and find out about
the cock -up with the keys, eh? I told

you, the bird's gone on holiday. She
won't even be about for a fortnight. All

we've got to do is front it out.

What we're doing now is totally legit.

Let them think what they like.

What can they prove?

And what happens if they check the shop?

There's nothing there, is there, Arthur?
At the last of it.

Oh, good day, madam. I am Detective
Sergeant Rycock.

Oh,

my God.

What? What?

It's only Rycock, isn't it?

Who?

Detective Bleedman Sergeant Rycock.

What do you mean? You know him?

Oh, yeah, I know him.

And he knows me and all.

Well, that could be Andy. Can't he be
straightened?

Oh, yeah, he can be straightened, but
not by you and me, son.

There is nothing he'd like better than
to nick me. And Arthur, for that matter.

Look, Till, don't panic. Don't panic. I
ought to break your bleak neck.

Stay calm.

Look, I'll tell you what. Why don't we
just nick out the bat now while he's

busy, OK?

Oh, leave off. What about me being Andy?
The dot on the card, they've taken the

number of it.

Keep calm.

Let me do the talking, all right?

pictures off the wall. Look!

Yeah?

Police.

Anything I can do for you, officer?

I understand you're removing furniture
from this flat.

I wonder if you'd mind if I... Hello, Mr
Riker.

I thought I recognised those dulcet
tones.

Leave it to me, eh? I'll do the talking,
it'll be alright, eh?

I mean, craftsmanship like this deserves
the proper setting. Don't you agree? I

mean, the right ambience. Which is why I
naturally thought of you and your

beautiful new home.

I mean, these are not chairs just for
flopping your weary in. I mean, these

works of art.

I mean, they're handmade.

How much?

Well, I know what I could get for them
if I stuck them in an auction at

Sotheby's. But as quick turnover and
small profit is my motto, and as a

favour to you, shall we say 1 ,800 a
pair?

Shall we say thank you for your offer
and good day?

You're our man to do business with, Mr
Collins.

All right, 7 ,800 cash and I forget the
VAT.

I don't intend to haggle, Mr Daly.

1 ,500, take or leave it.

I'll take it. Thought you might.

Well, bring them in and I'll write you a
cheque.

Offer? Well, anything you're mixed up in
automatically involves offer, doesn't

it? I'm not mixed up in anything.

For your information, I don't drive with
Arthur anymore.

That'll be the day.

It is the day. A week permanently.

Had a little falling out, have we,
Terry?

Yeah, you could say that, yeah.

I told you, I work with Charlie Pope
now.

Since when?

A few days.

So you were with him yesterday, then?

Yeah. All day?

Yeah. Well, no, no, not all day, no.

When, then?

Whenever he was in the shop.

When was that?

When was what?

When was he in the shop?

When he wasn't out of it.

What time was he there?

Well, I don't know. He comes back with
some forwards, doesn't he?

How often?

Look, it's a shop, not a ship. I don't
log him, do I?

And you were there all day?

Yes. Can you prove it?

Can you prove I wasn't?

I intend to, McCann.

I intend to.

The name of the estate agent?

John Rawlings.

Address? 8 Caratbroke Road, Shepherd's
Bush.

I take it you have no objection if we
search your premises?

No, not at all.

Provided I'm present.

Well, I wouldn't want any fitted
furniture now, would I?

I don't like them.

Don't like them?

No. How can you not like them, Mrs
Collins? I just don't.

Well, I do.

Well, you might have consulted me first.
You weren't here.

Well, would it have made any difference
if I were?

Abigail, whether you like them or not,
they're damn fine chairs.

And a very good investment, Mrs.
Collins, in these days of rampant

Oh, is that so, Mr. Daly?

Don't you mean rampant profiteering?

Nonsense, darling.

They're a bargain. A steal, Mr. Collins.

A steal.

Of course I know Arthur Daly.

But I've never done any business with
him.

No, no, it's not what McCann says.

Oh, really?

I tell you what, you show me a statement
where Terry says I've done business

with Arthur.

Don't get lemon with me, Pope.

Then don't take me for a mug, Sergeant.

My pleasure, Mr Collins, my pleasure.
And if I should come across any more

articles of the antique persuasion,
you'd be interested, would you?

Possibly, Mr Daly, possibly.

Good, good. I'll have a word with my
mayor and see what he can do.

I do hope you're not implying that I, or
anyone with an agency, had anything to

do with this unfortunate robbery,
Sergeant. Oh, well, not knowingly. Not

shape or form.

You said yourself, sir, that you have
keys to a number of the flats in the

building. Yes.

That's because we've always handled the
entire property for the owners. And as

half the flats are only on short -term
leases.

Well, couldn't there have been a mix
-up, then?

Mix -up?

Well, I mean, perhaps you gave Mr Pope
the keys to nine instead of six.

By mistake, Lord.

I do not make that kind of mistake.

And correct me if I'm wrong, but didn't
you say Mr Pope was clearing flat six

when you...

He apprehended him.

Oh, yeah?

And how in heaven's name did he gain
entry if I didn't give him the right

I don't know how I suffer you, Mellish.

For a credit.

Sorry, Garland.

I don't believe some of this stuff.

Do people actually buy it?

Yeah.

As a matter of fact, we get a lot of ex
-coppers in.

Wanted to furnish their retirement
homes.

Keep it up, Pope.

Keep it up.

You can't hang about here, mate. Go on,
back in the car and go, now. Get out of

here.

Rycock's in there turning the place over
looking for Ben Gale. So, what's that

got to do with me?

The chairs that you bought off Charlie
are okay. Do it.

You know nothing and he knows we've had
a ruck.

Well, well.

Well, well, Mr. Rycott.

Fancy meeting you here.

You, uh, keep him well?

Oh, very well, Arthur. Oh, well.

That's, uh... Oh.

What might you be doing here?

Wasted journey.

Came round to have a word with him.

Yeah, well, you've had your word on your
bike. Yeah, all right, all right. We're

finished. Yeah, all right, all right.

Bloody ingrate.

Try and help people, keep them on the
straight and narrow. What do you get?

Knife between the blades.

And there's another one. Just as I'm out
of town for a little while on business,

sneaks behind me back and nicks me
labour force.

I'm not your bleeding labour force. I'm
not interested in your petty squabbles.

And what is more, my unerring instinct,
my infallible instinct, tells me it's

all a load of cobblers.

You've both taken flagrant and
outrageous liberties putting me on offer

Rycock like this. Arthur's talking about
taking bleeding liberties, eh? I do not

jeopardise my friend's freedom by
deceiving them into buying orky

Oh, no, I suppose you're on their side.

The way I see it, Arthur, we've got no
choice but to all be on the same side.

Yeah, and it seems to me that I'm the
only one who gets zilch out of this and

I'm the only one who's going to get
their collar felled. And it seems to me

three are in abuse at each other ain't
going to solve nothing.

The thing is, what are you going to do
to sort it?

Why should I do anything? I didn't
plunder no flat. They did.

What's all this they? He did.

Ignorance is no excuse. We're the laws
concerned, Terry. As your solicitor,

we'll be quick to point out to you
when... When?

When what, eh?

When you're beside me in the dock for
receiving and selling stolen furniture?

I don't think that is likely to happen.

Not unless you're planning to add grass
into your list of credits.

I'm a grass now, am I? Well, you would
be, wouldn't you? I would be what?

I'll kill it. I'll kill it.

Oh, that was out of order. All right,
all right. I'm sorry. I'll take it back.

All right, we may be having our little
differences at the moment. I know you

wouldn't put me up to plod. Thank you
very much. But you are getting far too

emotional these days, Terry, far too
emotional. Emotional, me? Oh, come on,

two. Calm down.

Dave's right.

Blaming each other ain't going to cure
any headaches we might get.

Yeah, all right.

Anyway, I can't see what all the
hassle's about.

The way I see it, this Rycott's going to
have to get more than lucky to prove

anything gets done.

I don't know about that.

He can be a tenacious basket once he
thinks he's on to something. Oh, that's

true.

Do you mind if I make a suggestion?

Please, you're the only one with any
sense round here.

Well, it seems to me it shouldn't be too
difficult to reclaim that gear and

return it to the bird's flat.

On the QT, of course. Oh, he might be
right. What would be the point?

Well, the point is that you can't be
nicked for theft if the goods are in the

possession of the rightful owner.

What about if it comes on top while
we're returning it?

Well, the worst they can do you for is
depriving the rightful owner of her

for a short period of time. Now, that's
a misdemeanor. A fine at the worst.

What do you say, then?

And that is theft.

And that means bird for any one of you
three.

I think he's right.

He's not right.

Well, I say he is.

What do you say, Charlie?

I don't know, Tom.

But, well, as soon as it's down to me
for putting you in it, sort of, I'll

it a whirl.

Now, listen, this mate of yours you
knocked the gear out to, will he give it

back? Oh, yeah.

He knows it's OK, so he normally sticks
it away for a bit before he gets rid of

it. Yeah, well, my man won't be quite so
accommodating. He's embarrassingly

straight. Well, there's even more reason
to aim the chairs once he knows they're

crooked, isn't it? Look, when I say
straight, Terry, I mean as in over

-scrupulous. No, no, no. You'd be
straight on a trumpet to Claude.

Well, you'll have to think of something
else then, won't you?

Won't you?

The fact... Yes, I found it out from a
man who sold them to a man who sold them

to a man who sold them to me.

Nothing is wrong.

Those chairs are in perfect position.

Well, it's something to do with the worm
in the wicker work.

Mr. Daly, I'm not interested in selling
those chairs back to you. And even

otherwise, I certainly wouldn't pay the
price I paid. They're worth at least 500

pounds more than that.

500 pounds?

I don't want to seem rude, Mr. Daly, but
I am in rather a hurry. Goodbye.

Two grand?

At least.

I let you have them for practically
nothing then, didn't I? Yeah, because

knew they were nicked and I didn't.

And how much did you knock him out to
him for, then, eh? Oh, that is

Terence. I don't think so.

How much?

You don't want me to get moody, do you?

Well, as a matter of fact, 1 ,500.

15? But that doesn't alter the fact that
the man refuses point -blank to sell

him back to me.

Well, we've got to think of something
else. Well, come on, what?

God knows.

Yeah, and what about his missus?

Well, what about her?

Well, you, uh, mentioned the fact that
she didn't like the chairs. Yeah.

So how about if Terry tries to get into
her?

Do what? Get into... You are talking
about a woman whose husband I do

with. What's that got to do with it,
with Terry's natural talent for chatting

the ladies? He could go over there
and... What are you talking about?

What am I, some kind of bleeding gigolo
or something?

There's this bird who I've never even
seen. I'm supposed to give her a good

seeing to, then say, for the use of my
body, I claim two grand's worth of

antique chairs.

Well? What are you, radio rental?

Yes, very distasteful. Very distasteful
indeed, Terry.

In spite of the fact that she is a very
attractive lady, who I'm sure would not

be averse to a bit of rough trade.

I'll tell you what. Why don't you give
her one, then, eh? I said rough.

I don't think I could.

Oh, come on.

Don't do all this again.

Listen, I think I've got an idea how
we're going to get those chairs back

without any of us putting our faces on
offer.

Come on.

Bill and Ben.

The corner men.

The what?

A couple of pals of mine.

Dynamite con artists.

They'll want a nice drink, mind.

How much?

Two hundred.

Each.

That's a bit strong, isn't it? It comes
out of the earner we had on the chairs

anyway. That's right, and for staying
out of trouble, it's cheaper off the

price, isn't it?

Enough. It's what we went up from.

It's a common one. Have you paid a man?

I ain't owed him.

You'll have to apply, Charlie.

I'll weigh in with the other half when
Bill and Ben deliver.

In fact, there's no doubt about it,
madam.

These are the chairs, all right.

Oh, that's ridiculous.

They can't be stolen.

My husband would never buy... I mean, he
bought these chairs in good faith from

Mr Daly. I was here at the time.

Mr Daly, madam?

Yes, he's a business acquaintance of my
husband.

But surely if you knew the chairs were
here... We're acting on information

received anonymously, madam.

But we'd certainly like to interview
this Mr Daly.

Do you know where we can get in touch
with him?

Oh, I've got his business card somewhere
in my bag, I think.

Yes, there.

How well do you know this Mr Daly?

Oh, hardly at all.

My husband's bought a couple of cards
from him, but I can hardly believe that

would knowingly sell my husband's stolen
property.

I mean... You may be right, madam.

It could have been duped, but we're
still going to have to check it out.

In the meantime, I'm afraid we're going
to have to take these chairs with us.

Take the chairs with you? Don't worry,
madam.

We'll give you a receipt.

Thanks, chaps.

Well, I appreciate it.

Didn't half -go on about us, did we?

So we get a bit of egg.

They'll have a job to prove anything
now, won't they?

You all right, then?

Yeah, no problem.

Cheers, chaps.

Pleasure. Love it.

Don't worry.

Anytime.

Arthur?

Arthur.

What, now?

Now. But why?

Because, Arthur, it's the same time of
day as when we took the gear, so there's

a good chance no -one will be there now.

Look, can't you two do it? I can't do
any umping. I've got the facts. Look,

just keep watch while we do the umping.
Oh, my God, I just remembered. I've got

an appointment with my co -author. Shut
up.

Look, I've got these dodgy plates. If we
have to have it on our toes, I'll be a

terrible handicap to you.

Abigail, how could you be so bloody
naive?

But they were so convincing.

They even showed me their identification
cards.

You heard who I was talking to just
then.

That was the local chief inspector.

And he knows nothing about any
investigation into stolen antique

less about your two bogus policemen.

I'm sorry, I... Well, it's a bit late
for that.

I suppose you didn't get your coat.
We've got to get out of the police

What for?

They want us to make a statement and to
give them any details that might be of

help.

Oh, we've got to get in, haven't we? But
the damage, the noise.

Can't you load it or something? Oh,
stupid, you can't load a mortise, can

Of course I can't. Oh,

there you are, Captain.

Yes, Mellish, here I am.

What is it?

An Inspector Williams of Wimbledon CID
has been on the phone making inquiries

about Arthur Daly.

And I told him I'd get you to phone him
back.

Well, did he say what it's in connection
with?

I think you're going to love this guy.

Come on, for God's sake. I hate working
in the field.

You couldn't help, I suppose, could you?
I've done my need.

Daily tell you where he obtained these
chairs?

Well, no.

And you never thought to ask?

Why on earth should I?

Sergeant, if you buy something from
someone you have no reason to suspect

reputable, it's hardly customary to ask
them how they acquired their stock, is

it? Why do you think he wanted to buy
the chairs back off you, sir?

Well, I imagine it's because he realised
that they're more valuable than he

thought. Yes, and when you refuse to
sell them back to him, he gets the

idea to employ a couple of con artists
who come down here and deceive your wife

into parting with him for nothing.

Oh, come on, for God's sake, you brought
the stuff back. You don't have to

polish it as well.

Don't be such a dummy, Arthur. What do
you want us to do, leave our

all over the place?

Oh, my God, have you done the chairs?

Yeah.

old sod bang to rights this time,
Mellish.

That I'll believe when I see it.

You know, I sometimes get an uneasy
feeling you actually like Arthur bloody

Daly.

Well, life wouldn't be quite the same
without Arthur on the manor, would it,

Coach? Are you quite sure you're cut out
to be a police officer, Mellish?

Hey, Tell, you sure you don't want to
stay grafting with me?

Thanks, but no thanks. No, I've had
enough first -hand experience of the

-hand game. Yeah, too right he has. He's
back on the firm with me where it can

be protected against lunatics like you.

Nothing personal.

Arthur, you're dynamite.

No hard feelings, Tell. See you around.

Yeah, go on, on your bike.

Oh, and, Arthur, don't forget to get
your story right for when Rycock gives

a tug.

Yeah.

When Rycock gives me a tug, what's he
talking about?

Well, you don't have to be a limestone
to work it out, do you?

And pre -warned is pre -armed, as we
say.

I'm not with you.

You will be, son. You will be.

Don't spit there. Give me that stupid,
innocent routine, Arthur. Do I look like

a complete idiot?

No, not a complete one. I mean, the
point is, I do not understand your

in this matter.

I mean, yes, I did sell Mr.

Collins a pair of tatty old antique
chairs.

Tatty? Who said anything about tatty?

Well, the ones I sold him certainly
were.

I mean, Terry will verify that, won't
you? Oh, yeah, definitely a bit sober,

yeah. How would you know? You weren't
there when he sold them. I've seen them

before, haven't I?

Oh, yeah.

Where? In Arthur's Lockhart. They've
been hanging around for ages, haven't

Yeah, definitely.

I mean, I've owned so long, I can't even
remember where they came from.

Hmm. Job a lot of rubbish, I've ordered,
I suppose.

Rubbish? Rubbish!

You sold them to Collins for £1 ,500!

Yeah, he can verify that for you. He
already has, Arthur. How the hell do you

think I know?

And did he tell you what a good deal he
got?

Good deal.

And how I'd actually tried to buy them
back from him once I found out what

true value was. Did he tell you that and
all? Of course he bloody did. That is

why you are sitting here now on the
point of being charged with stealing

Stealing them?

Stealing what, Mr. Ryker?

Stealing the pair of Regency chairs,
which just happen to be identical to a

almost certainly stolen by Pope and you,
McCann.

Hold on, hold on. Look, I do hope, with
all due respect, Mr. Rycock, you've got

more than just your own suspicions to
back up this load of old codswallop.

And I must, in all conscience, Mr.
Rycock, support Terry in his doubts

positive nature of the evidence you are
holding, lest we err into the area of

litigation. And that would be very
tacky, very tacky indeed.

Sorry to interrupt, sir, but there's a
phone call.

I'm Mr. Purnish. I said it's very
important.

All right.

I will be back.

He seems a bit upset.

He's got an empty tummy or something.

Or a bit of domestic trouble.

Something like that.

I put it down to the terrible hours you
lads have to work to get across.

Don't you, Terry?

Oh, yeah. Well, it's a thin blue line,
isn't it?

Isn't it? I mean, stretched to breaking
point out there they are, you know.

All to hold back the growing forces of
villainy.

Very good indeed.

Well, that was a blow.

You're not listening to me, Sergeant.

I told you I'd been broken into, not
robbed. On the contrary.

What do you mean your furniture's back?
It can't be back.

Are you calling me a liar, Sergeant?

No, no, I'm sorry.

Are you sure?

I mean... Of course I'm sure.

Does that include the pair of Regency
chairs?

from Miss Turner's flat. You know that.

Pope knows it. I know it. We all bloody
know it. Here, a lob.

Please, Mr. Rycombe, you're embarrassing
us.

Where's your dignity?

I mean, think what this unseemly display
of emotion might do for discipline.

Come, Terence, we have work to do.

I'll have you, Jamie.

One of these days, I'll have you.

Well, come on then, work? What work?

Well, yeah, you know, that job I told
you about for, um, Roly -Poly Peter.

Fifty sobs for ten minutes of your time.

Fifty? No, hold on, you said two
hundred. Ah, no, no, that was when you

market leader and labour was thin on the
ground.

Eh? You see, Terry, it's all a question
of supply and demand. Oh, don't start

all that. Now, look, you must realise
how many people there are available to

a job like this. I mean, there's three
million unemployed.

Roly, how could you? I thought you said
you'd given up being hard case. You'd

gone respectable.

To be respectable, you've got to be
respected, Harper.

Isn't that right, Terry?

Yeah, that's right, Rowley. It looks
like you haven't forgotten how to get

either. Yeah, well, I got tired of
waiting for Arthur to turn up with you,

done culling from behind, just as I come
through the door. Yeah, but we had a

verbal contract. A fee had been agreed.

I think a little honourable compensation
is in order. Turn in. You ain't done

nothing. That's right, Rowley. Don't
need our help any more. I mean, these

aren't going to give them any more ag,
are they?

They're all right.

Well, they're breathing, yeah.

Do you want to go and get them down the
stairs?

Yeah, for a small fee, of course.

Mr. Collins, how nice to see you.

Oh, I suppose you've come about that
unfortunate misunderstanding over the

chairs. Yeah, something like that.

I can't tell you how shocked I was when
Mr. Rycott told me what had happened.

I really, uh, I don't know what to say.

Please don't bother, Mr. Daly.

I also had a chat with Sergeant Rycott
who gave me some very sensible advice.

This is the check for my wife's car.

You've already given me one.

No, I phoned the bank and stopped
payment on that one.

You'll notice that cheque's for £2 ,000
less.

What you might call criminal
compensation.

Save us today, then.

Harper.

Put it there, mate.

Come on, come on.

It's really good to be back on it firm.

Oh, it's nice of you to say that,
Terence.

Listen, would you teach me how to be a
winner like you?

If you want to, I'll change the
situation.

Right people, right time, just the wrong
location.

I've got a good idea.

Just you keep me near. I'll be so good
for you. I could be so good for you.

Let's do it.