Original subtitles

I can be so good for you.

Love you like you want me to.

I can be so good for you.

Love you like you want me to.

You can't be.

Quiet Sunday drive.

Nice pub lunch.

Nice few brandies.

Nice breathalyser.

Walking into the east, fresh air.

You're very lyrical, Ronnie.

What you after, eh?

I'm fighting too hard.

I mean, do I have to be after something?

No, but you probably are.

I like to see old friends.

Oh, dear.

I don't like the sound of this at all.

Good day, Arthur.

Yeah. We had some good times when Barney and Ruby were living here, didn't we? A

lifetime ago.

That's a 16.

Yeah, we were young and wild then. Who are you?

You speak?

No, no.

I mean, I wouldn't have a pop at anybody who was young and wild, would I?

Did you have long hair and all that, did you? Don't be ridiculous.

Sex and drugs and... Don't be silly. Look, when Ruby was married to his dad,

this house was alive with learning conversation.

People from the world of letters and books used to come up for parties.

Interesting social intercourse on the terrace.

Those sort of parties, eh? Not at all. That is just another way of saying talk.

Well, why don't you say talk, then?

They were exciting times.

Anything could happen.

Certainly happened for Ruby.

One minute she was Ruby Abbott of Oxden.

Next she was Lorraine Masters, romantic novelist. Yeah, making a fortune.

Is that why your dad married her?

Yeah.

Thought he was doing all right here for a while.

What happened then?

She kept catching him with his hands full.

What? His hands full of what? Other women.

Oh. Usually 23 -year -old dancers from the London Palladium.

Barney got booted out the door and Ruby went to live in Capri.

Now she's coming back.

Really?

She's still homeless, then?

Ruby, Barney and this Elizabeth.

Barney talked her into forming a company before they bought it.

They all own a piece of it.

Nobody can sell out without the others agreeing.

Yeah.

And she kicked Barney out. He won his shot in the place, but she wouldn't

It was just to spite him.

They've been letting it on and off since then.

Ruby's share goes to her and Capri, and Barney's goes on anything he can track

for at the White City.

Always was a mug punter, Barney.

So, Ruby's coming home to roost, eh?

No, just to write another book.

She phoned me yesterday.

She wants to be met at the airport tomorrow.

Couldn't be worse than me, really.

I've got a wedding job at half ten.

Does she know you've been using her roller for wedding work?

Don't be silly.

She thinks she's up on blocks in her garage.

Arthur,

you remember a couple of months back I brought you a Georgian dining suite and

sofa?

Four and a half grand a year, three and a half commission to me, went for a blog

in Belgium, yeah?

Yeah. Well, you used to stand here.

Barney asked me to tell you.

I've told him the money.

I haven't seen him since.

He belonged to Ruby.

Well, I thought he owned it.

He told me he did. You mean to say that your dad has... He made us accessories

to a theft.

Oh, bye, Japs. I'm right behind you, Terry. But, Arthur! Hey, Arthur, what am

going to tell Ruby?

Arthur, please.

Come for a drive, he says. I'll buy lunch, he says. Trip down memory lane.

You've always been dodgy ever since you were a kid. Arthur, what am I going to

tell Ruby?

Well, I know the truth won't come easy.

She hates me.

I mean, you know what stepson, stepmother relationships are like. I

nor care.

Arthur, you're involved in a theft.

We acted in good faith.

We? We? Had nothing to do with me, mate.

Arthur, when your name's earning connection with... Yeah?

Why, nobody believe in good faith, will they? When my name is heard.

You trying to blackmail me, Ronnie Todd? No, Arthur, my life.

But you have got to help me get the furniture back. From Belgium?

But can't you replace it?

Terry, furniture doesn't grow on thugs.

Going back to the old writing game, eh?

Don't remind me.

I suppose it'll be quite hard getting back into it after all these years.

I know.

The next two or three weeks are going to be no joke, believe me.

I don't believe you.

I heard that.

Did you have any doubts about your ability to write again after 15 years in

retirement, Miss Masters?

Oh, I did indeed, dear. You see, I'm a Hoxton girl with no formal education to

fall back on.

Yeah, no furniture to sit on either. It was my fans, really, who prompted me to

start to write again.

And I'm sure we've quite a few of them here today.

Just another long day. Yeah, of course. People have been very supportive.

Now, I understand when you lived in England, you... Where's the club?

Shady characters. Oh, yeah.

Even criminals. It's a hallowed daily time.

Louie, Louie, Louie.

Pardon? Dave?

No, no, it's me, Terry. Where are you? I'm at the television studio.

What are you doing there? You've broken into Showbiz, have you?

No, I have not. I'm protecting myself.

I want to make sure Ronnie Todd doesn't tell Ruby I nicked her furniture or

something. You're going to tell her what really happened, then?

Of course.

It's in store.

What's in store? Nothing.

Did Tony Strong phone about that mock Georgian?

Yeah, yeah. Three and a half grand.

Don't phone him back.

I wish they'd hurry up. I've got a lot on today.

She's a nice old lady, isn't she?

She's talking about the petty criminals she used to know.

Now,

I understand that you received an advance of £20 ,000 for this book.

£20 ,000?

I don't know where that rumour started, dear. I really don't. It's an

exaggeration, yes?

Well, I don't know anything about these things. You see, I never get involved in

money management. Quite right, my dear. You're an artist. Then how do you manage

your...

He's still at it.

I'm double parked.

What, you're waiting the car on? I'll wait for Ruby, I don't mind.

Sure you don't mind. I'm quite sure I don't mind.

I'll find it in a way, if you can understand, sordid.

Well, thank you for talking with us this afternoon, Miss Masters, and welcome

back to England.

Oh, my pleasure. Welcome home, my dear. Thank you.

Mind her.

She's a little old lady, isn't she? Who is writing a book.

What's she trying to get in her biro, Nick?

She's writing a book about love, romance and crime.

So? Well, she wants to research the crime bit.

You know, visit a few drinking clubs, meet a few suspect characters.

Of course, she knows you, doesn't she?

Look, I told her she needs a mind and she wants to meet you.

Give her a bit of rabbit about what it's like in prison and all that. You know,

they love that, writers.

I mean, it doesn't have to be true, but it'll all be in a book.

I see you're a writing expert now, are you?

Listen, when I met all them literary people back in the 60s, Julia March

had an honest, rustic humour and an eye for a fine tale.

Julia March said that?

Yeah. What, the Julia March?

Yeah, the famous Julia March. Never heard of her.

Aren't you coming in, Ruby?

Bugger off.

What? So the car's been up on blocks in the garage, has it?

What's this thing here, Ribbon?

And what's this cap for?

Fentonist party?

Oh, Ruby, I can't explain. Oh, get out of my sight.

Nap off, you cheeky little bugger. Like father, like son.

You get on my bleeding nerves, you do. Ruby, I can't explain.

Shut up, Ronnie. She's tumbled you.

What am I going to do, Arthur?

Go and have a lie down.

Turn it off, turn it off. Come on, she wants to meet you. Tidy yourself up.

for? To meet the nice lady.

Come on.

Ruby?

Ruby?

I'm here, I'm in the kitchen.

All this cleaning, Arthur.

I pay a cleaning woman, you know, to come in here three times a week.

Well, it's against their union rules to rub hard.

Well, Terry will give you a hand. Will he?

Oh, hello.

Ruby Hubbard, Terry McCann.

Nice to meet you.

Yeah, nice to meet you too.

You do very nicely, Arthur.

What time do you make it?

Four o 'clock.

Oh, well, I'm on Capri time. That makes it an hour in advance, you see.

Just cocktail time.

Can I take a couple of quick ones?

Why not? There.

Do you want to get on with the coffee, Terry?

No, that's all right. Come on, have a drink.

You're nobody till somebody loves you.

You're nobody till somebody cares.

Oh, Arthur, this piano wants a bit of tuning. Don't worry, I'll have it done

you, Ruby.

Don't you worry either.

She won't be stopping that long.

Eh? When the new book comes out, you'll be here all the time, knocking them out

wholesale. Oh, too cold.

Besides, most people I know are dead or in Florida.

Like Julia March.

What a writer, eh, Ruby?

Writer? She couldn't write home for money.

I said, when's been Georgian Furniture coming back? Did you say, Arthur?

Yeah, Thursday week, Ruby, yeah, yeah.

Simon, where are they storing it? Scotland?

Scotland. Are you a card, Ruby?

Scotland.

All right, all right, all right. Calm down.

This is going to have to be put back in your basket.

It's funny, isn't it, how your life rushes by. Do you know, it only seems

minutes since we was all here together.

Me,

Barney, friends, parties.

Happy days, Ruby.

Well, we was going somewhere then.

I certainly thought I was.

Wish you had.

You was involved with Ban the Bomb, wasn't you?

Yeah, yeah.

Him? Yeah.

Yeah. You?

Yeah, I was, as a matter of fact.

Used to flog on badges.

Went like hot cakes during the Cuba Missile Crisis.

If they hadn't turned them ships back, I could have made a fortune.

When the world sighed with relief, the bottom fell right out of the badge

business.

I think I'll flog this place.

I shall go and see Barney and the solicitor and get him to agree to it,

I'll get him to dissolve that silly bloody company they made me form.

He said I'd call it Bar -Rube.

Eh? Barney and Ruby, it was.

But, mind you, I was earning all the money. My name should have come first.

Would have been rhubarb then, wouldn't it?

Terry. What's the new book going to be called, Ruby?

Where's My Georgian Furniture, or Who Done It?

I don't know.

Do you want another drink, Terry?

No, not for me, thanks. No, I've got a, you know... Oh, I know. Going off to see

your girlfriend, are you?

No, no.

I know, you young people. Off you go.

Right. I don't mind being on my own here.

Funny, Arthur, I never used to feel lonely here, but I... It's different

seems so cold and empty.

Look, Ruby, if you're nervous, Terry will stay with you till you turn in.

he? Of course he will. No, he won't. Yes, he will.

That's very kind of you.

He's a very kind lad.

No, I'm not. Yes, you are.

Well, you can stay the night.

But I've got me razor.

Don't worry.

I'll give you one.

Cupboard full of memories here, you know, Terry.

There we are.

Open that.

I locked it all away, you know, before I went to Capri.

I bought that.

The Barney's Christmas stocking.

1964 it was.

I bought this for myself.

Look at that.

Oh, look at that.

I know.

We were going to spend a quiet Christmas Eve together.

I can remember sitting waiting for him, listening to the bells in Hampstead

Church.

Got back at five in the morning.

He said the car had broken down again.

Drink on his breath, mascara on his shirt again.

Of course, I'd done all his shirts for him then, you know, Terry.

Turnbull and Appa, they'd stand any amount of scrubbing on the collars.

If it had been any other night, I'd have just ignored it.

But, I mean, if Christmas doesn't mean anything, well... Yeah, have that.

No, no, I couldn't do that.

Oh, go on.

Things don't mean anything, really.

And isn't Terry... You don't have to stay.

I know you don't want to.

No, no, no. Not that. I mean, I don't really mind.

You're a very kind young man.

You can sleep in the guest room.

All right, then. Thank you very much.

Hey, Terry, what's your favourite breakfast?

Oh, I don't know. I eat anything.

Well, you tell me and we'll get it for you.

Is that what you tell your joke?

It's clean.

Yeah, all right, go on.

Well, there was this elf, you see, and it was sitting on a toad stall.

Hiya, Rafa. How's your luck?

Sparse, Dave, sparse.

Oh, mate.

Ronnie Todd found.

We're a long way away, I hope. Give us a VAT, Dave. Did Tony Strong ring? No.

No, of course he didn't.

What you got there? What you doing?

Thinking Georgian.

Yeah, well, old Ruby's a bit concerned about all that as it happens. Old Ruby?

You make her sound like a bottle of port.

Look at this. Look, look, look.

She'll give me this. It's cashmere.

You're doing all right there, then.

You're staying there every night?

Well, I don't know, really.

She does get a bit nervous on her own, though.

She's got some energy, though, isn't she?

Yeah, she does. Half a bottle of vodka a night, and she's up at seven the next

morning cleaning the kitchen floor.

Hey, Terry.

I know, the traffic was murder.

Hello, Ruby. What are you doing here?

I'm looking after you, Ruby. I thought I'd liaise with your publisher. All

right, you know. Well, I hope you enjoy it. Me and Terry's got somewhere to go.

Bye -bye.

Gratitude.

Bloody publishers.

I think they own you.

I know it's the draft manuscript by the end of the month.

Of course, it's a bit swift, isn't it?

Well... I did say they could have it at the end of last month, but what with

this and that.

Now he says he's sending a secretary round to help out.

I told him.

I said, not like the old days, you know, one book a month.

It's not easy for me anymore, not easy at all.

I thought they'd give me a bit of time.

You know, make a bit of a fuss of me.

Get me a few chat shows.

Have you done a chat show?

One's not enough.

Had to get that myself.

Rang up three times before they remembered who I was.

The blue room at the Regency was just... Sorry?

I'm working, Terry.

It was just as Louise had remembered it.

She'd spent three happy days there with Silvio the summer before.

His wife had been dead for almost two years, during which time she had nursed

his two tiny children, Emil and Maria.

She had seen him change from the powerful Adonis that every woman desired

but only one possessed to the shy, nervous man.

whose life seemed to be almost over.

I'm having the beef.

Oh, Silvio's getting on all right with Louise, isn't he?

Oh, that's the calm before the storm.

She meets Alex soon.

Alex is a well -known London criminal.

Ah!

Oh, my God, they've nicked a lot!

I'll phone the police.

Here, hang on.

Phone the press first.

Where you been? I've been ringing you all day.

What's wrong?

Wrong? Who nicked Ruby's furniture?

You and me.

Not the Georgia and all the rest of it.

I've no idea.

Everything except the kitchen gear has gone.

I suppose there'll be a function and I'm knocked. I'm arranging for beds to be

sent over to her.

You swear you know nothing?

No. The rest of my life.

You really got me into something you have.

I've had Terry driving around in a roller with a heater on to keep her

I'm late for my function all because I'm playing Mr Nice Guy.

Thank goodness we had Georgian furniture installed.

I never liked that other stuff much, you know.

Barney got it off of some bloke he knew.

What time is it?

6 .30.

Oh, time for a refill.

Here, I'll tell you what, Terry.

Louise could have her furniture stolen, and then Alex could find out who took

it.

Yeah, that's an idea, isn't it? Yeah.

Yeah, that way she'd be in his debt, wouldn't she? Oh, obligated to him.

So she'd probably want to stay with him or something like that.

Hmm. Yeah, we'll use that. Then Silvio could come round on a visit.

He's tall and blonde, you know.

Who, Silvio?

No.

Far in the garden.

Come on.

I think you've had enough of that, don't you?

I'm not drunk, Terry.

No, I know you're not drunk, but Silvio's only in the book, isn't he?

I'm talking about the bloke out there.

All right, sonny, come on, what's your game?

Oh, hi.

I'm Andy.

Yeah, I'm a bit tasty myself, son.

Are you and the old lady squatting?

Do what?

Oh, it doesn't matter. We're not moving in for at least a couple of weeks.

We moved the furniture out because... Moving in? The new divine light

We've bought the place.

I don't believe it. It's not true.

It is bleeding through barn. It's sold to gas.

Oh, my God.

What's that?

Divine light movement.

Divine like me? I don't believe it. I'm not supposed to be at a function.

Ruby.

I'm going to get you a nice old drink. Oh, Tom, not you.

I'm not supposed to be at a function. I couldn't believe it.

How could he, Arthur?

How could he?

I don't think he hated me so much.

Have you called the police?

No. Oh, good, good. It's the best thing you could do.

Oh, yeah, listen, were you round here the other night?

Oh, yeah, the old lady told me. I was a bit nervous about coming in, actually. I

thought I might frighten her.

Yeah, I thought she'd come potty.

Yeah, you're about six foot, aren't you?

Blonde, strong, square jaw. Yeah.

You're just like Sylvia.

Why don't you talk to your solicitor first?

Because he's involved in it. Don't you understand anything?

You see, me... Barney and the solicitor was all equal partners in the company.

They've diddled me, Arthur. They've done me out of everything.

Here you go, Rube. Drink that up.

What is it?

Oh, chocolate.

Oh, no, thank you.

Come on, it'll help you sleep.

I'll be sick.

You won't be sick. Now, come on, drink it up. It's a good girl.

Oh, that's horrible.

Note, Louise visits her aunt who has been robbed and Alex may help

to find the stuff.

Something like that.

It's fraud, isn't it?

Fraud, that's what he's up for.

60 years old and he had to turn to something like that.

I can't protect him if the police get hold of it.

Why did he do it, Arthur?

Why? Because he's a crook. How far?

He's a child. Big ideas.

Dreams. He could never bear being locked up.

And I can't afford a good lawyer for him.

The advance is practically gone.

Gone? Well, I did have it five months ago.

And I've got this damn book to write.

I mean, I was good to him.

I looked after him. He had everything he wanted with me.

At the chorus line at the London bloody Palladium.

He couldn't get enough of that.

Bastard.

I'll have him for every penny.

150 ,000 odd, my share.

Must be for a place like this.

All right, Ruth, come on, come on, calm down.

Arthur's going to help you. Eh? Well, you're going to find Barney, aren't you?

My name is Arthur Daly, not Philip Marlowe.

Yeah, but you're going to find Barney, aren't you?

Yeah, yeah, I'll do... If I do get the money back, Ruby, would there be a

percentage?

You wouldn't find me. I'm grateful, Arthur.

You leave it to me, Ruby.

You're in very good hands.

Mr. Drayham?

He's away.

I thought he might be.

Any idea when, if he's coming back?

He's in Spain.

Of course he is. Where all the funny money goes.

Hello. I'm Susan Hall.

Mr Scott, the publisher, sent me.

I'm going to be working with Miss Masters.

Oh, yeah?

I'm Terry McCann.

I'm her minder.

Oh, yeah.

I rang the bell, but I asked him if there was anyone in, but he didn't seem

notice.

No, he was probably a bit busy.

Humming.

Hello, hello, hello.

The first today, Terry.

I should hope so and all.

Well, honest it is.

Come on, I'm on.

It's just that I hate being chastised.

I wasn't chastising you, I was having a little joke.

Was that the secretary?

Yeah, up under in the front room.

Ta -da!

Got you those.

Thought they might cheer you up.

I can't write it, Terry.

Of course you can.

Well, you've done it before, haven't you?

Well, it's just like riding a bike, isn't it?

No.

No, this chap, John Graham, very dodgy cat.

Swindled a children's charity once. What?

Nothing proven, of course.

Yes, he's sailed very close to the wind on several occasions.

What, he's taken them all the way to Spain this time?

Look, Jack, I know it's a sore point, but you being a bit of an expert on

fraud... How would you suggest I go about finding Barney and this geezer,

Drayton? Well, if he'd gone to Spain for good, I should forget it.

On the other hand, a search at the company's house might turn something up.

You've got to know what you're looking for, of course.

Forty quid would secure my services for the day, Arthur.

You're on.

But no detours to the Black Swan. I want the scenario.

Trust me, Arthur.

Everybody wants me to trust them. There you go.

Thanks.

Spain, yes.

That's where they...

Could be a property deal they're into.

Could be involved in timesharing.

They will be if they ever come back over here.

Very strong, chap.

Very strong.

Has Arthur come up with anything?

It's only been a couple of days, though, hasn't it?

I'd be surprised if he was in with them.

They're all chances.

Be fair, Ruby.

Don't mind working evenings, do you, dear?

Oh, no.

It's frightfully interesting for me.

Wish it was for me.

Louise gazed out at a London that she no longer knew.

Silvio ran his fingers through his hair and pressed his foot hard down on the

accelerator. Their private jet was waiting.

He wanted to be out of there.

I'm not disturbing your love life, am I, dear? But you'll be taking this down in

shorthand as well, won't you?

Thank you.

She had dreamed of private jet, a home in the sunshine, and the power of

But as she looked at the harsh landscape, which had once been her home,

realised she had lost more than she had gained.

Her tears.

were not, as Silvio thought, for that London criminal, Alex McCann,

but for what she had lost, hope, innocence, and a home.

Don't mind me calling him McCann, do you, Terry?

No, no, no, no. What happens to him?

I wish I knew.

Hello, Ron. Hold on a minute.

Jack Hodgson, Ron Todd.

Good afternoon.

Well,

how does it feel to be a director of Suntour Investments Limited, eh, Ron?

Pardon? I'll give you a pardon. You, Ron Todd, have been giving me a right run

around.

Me? Put your hands up. You've been tumbled.

You, Barney, and that bent brief John Graham conspired to diddle Ruby Hubbard

out more than under a grand.

Jack sorted out the whole deal.

Company called Barube.

set up another company called Suntour.

Ron Todd replaces Ruby as director, but she don't know that.

He forges her signature, and then the directors of Baroob flog her out.

The money goes to Suntour, and is then lent to another company, Suntrip, for a

property deal in Spain.

More than a third of that money was fraudulently acquired.

You are nicked.

Now, be careful, Arthur. I mean, you flog stolen Georgian furniture. I

My pal.

You get on the phone, Jack.

I have to speak to Inspector... No!

Please, don't.

Hi.

Hi what?

I hope you don't mind me asking, but I was wondering if you'd care to know more

about Divine Light.

Everyone gives their time for free. We donate 10 % of our income.

In your case, I suppose that'd be 10 % of sod all.

Divine light lawyers will probably want to talk to you soon about your being

here. Do you know when you'll be going yet?

Terry?

Yeah? Do you want scrambled eggs for your tea?

Roddy? Half the day, isn't it?

Barney?

Anything to declare?

Oh, yes, the smiling assassin.

I, um... Oh, I can't get it right.

Silvio's hot, passionate breath was getting right up Louise's nose that

stormy evening down the Dog and Bucket in Camden Town.

You should take up writing.

Oh, there's a lot of my own stuff in this, you know. I mean, that stuff in

billiard hall, all pure McCann.

Yeah, she's stuck again, isn't she?

Yeah. See, the problem is getting Louise away from Alex without Silvio putting

too much pressure on.

What you want really about chapter 12, 13, something like that, is for Alex to

do something that makes him look like the right slag he is. And that still

to the right person, you know. And you're a professional bodyguard?

Yeah. When I'm not doing women's, Al.

Have you done back yet?

Like I said, I'm prepared to keep my mouth shut for a few days. Why don't we

our money together?

This is not pennies and eighties, you know.

It's international finance. Big money.

Big stolen money.

That's not strictly true, Mr Davies. Who threw you a biscuit?

I've got the SP on you, my son.

Fiddling money from a kid's charity.

Disgusting. He did what?

There was nothing illegal about that transaction?

There was something illegal about forgery, no?

Look, Arthur, if some city geek were in a flash, it'd be called good business.

We do it, it's called fraud.

I mean, is that just, Arthur, I put it to you? I'm not here to argue morals.

No, that's not really in your line, is it?

I'm here to protect the interests of my client.

He wants a bung. I told you he did. Never mind a bung. What about the

furniture? You found some.

I know where some similar to Georgian can be found, yes.

Which means it's not really Georgian. Well, there isn't all that much left, is

there? I mean, the Georgians didn't spend all their lives knocking out

furniture. They had to worry about the plague and disease and all that.

Oh, leave our father.

All right, come on, how much?

Five grand.

Five? You're a robber.

Inflation. Inflation? That's extortion. Hang on. Is that by your silence?

I suppose most of the money's in Spain now, is it?

I really don't think that's any of your business.

Half of it is. We had a show of good faith.

Yeah, that can't have been easy.

No, I'm sorry, I do not trust foreigners.

You owe Ruby more than a hundred grand.

Arthur, there is a fortune waiting to be made in Spain. Not with Ruby, not with

the books.

She ain't going to write no more bestsellers, believe me.

She only just got through them the first time. I mean, I had to come up with

most of the plots myself.

Get off.

Arthur, she'd worded in, I'll give you that, but plots was down to me. I mean,

I've had a bit more experience in the world of love and romance than what she

had. Yeah, at the London Palladium.

Yeah, and at Prince of Wales.

Look, the point is, Arthur, I mean, you'd be better off just keeping your

quiet and joining us in a few quid.

Of course, there is another way.

He could hardly blow the whistle if we didn't let him out of this room.

Kept him here for three days.

You going raving mad?

What did you say?

Ignore him. He's not... My boy Terry would have your arms off. He didn't mean

it, Arthur.

You come here, threatening... We are businessmen.

I've never heard a light in all my life.

I'm sorry, I cannot deal.

Arthur, think about it. I'm shocked.

Arthur, please!

Bloody shocked.

Do you know, Graham, if you had a brain, you'd be an half -wit.

What have you got, Terry?

Two nurses in a Riviera car crash meet two playboys.

A millionaire with a sick daughter.

Yeah. And property tycoon falls in love with a nurse.

That's the whole car.

Why don't we use a detective?

I mean, you know, something like American cop comes to London, something

that. No, no. That other idea you had was favourite.

Yeah, but I mean, detectives sell books, you know. I mean, they're the detective

in everything you read, isn't there?

What have you got, Susan?

Well, I think I've won, actually.

Policewoman meets and falls in love with crook.

Oh, that's good, girl. That's smashing, yeah. I remember that. That was in an

Italian newspaper, you know.

Yeah, we could use that. I mean, Alex could, like, meet her on a raid,

like that.

Yeah. Me and Barney used to do the shroud, you know, with the cards.

He'd come up with the idea.

I mean, if everyone was short of something for a book, he'd get the cards

And, you know, it was my eighth novel, I remember.

It was called Highland Fling, a Scottish romance, you know, Susan.

And I remember Barney...

Hi. Hi.

This is Faith.

She's staying with me.

They're moving in.

Can't wait, can you?

My lovely house.

Boss, it's Bonnie Todd.

He sold me out.

I can't believe it.

I can't believe it.

Furniture money.

Barney says you're still a robber, but maybe you'll be a quiet one.

Oh, don't let me keep you.

Well, don't I get a drink?

Yeah, you get them over there.

What kept you?

A queue in the saloon bar in the back swan. So sorry.

Look, Jack, I've been working out how many pesetas to the pound.

And it's quite a lot, you know. Really?

Yeah, look, supposing I wanted to shift a sum of money. Let's say...

Five grand to, well, let's just say Spain, for instance.

I mean, how would I go about... Oh, dear, they haven't rubbed you in, have

No. Why?

Well, the land they bought in Spain, you know who.

It's a swamp.

Yeah, but that Dray of Giza, I mean, he's a solicitor.

Shouldn't he look into swamps?

Greed makes men blind, Arthur.

Eh?

Oh, yeah, yeah, absolutely, yeah.

Yeah, but I mean, at the present rate of exchange, it must be... You weren't

thinking of going in with them, were you?

No, no, no, no, no.

Oh, no, no, no.

Are you sure?

They'd been done for a hundred grand.

All right, Ron?

Oh, dear, oh, dear, oh, dear, oh, dear.

He does want it, doesn't he?

Yeah, yeah, I've got half the dough here. Because first he phones, says he's

the cash and wants the stuff.

Then he phones back and says he needs the money for something else. Here you

are, here you are.

The chairs won't be finished till Friday. I can deliver at the weekend.

right for you? Yeah, any time's all right with me, yeah.

Is George in?

Yeah, George made it last week.

I thought you would have legged it.

Mate, I don't want to go inside after.

Oh, she'll be worth half a million quid today.

I was never going to rob her, you know. I just wanted to borrow her share as

working capital.

Well, thank God you didn't shift it all abroad.

You'd be talking to Interpol now, not me.

It's partly her fault.

If she wasn't determined to hang on to the house, I wouldn't have had to have

done any of this.

I told Drea what was willing to bring her in on the deal. I mean, she'd have

made a nice bit of purse out of it if it worked.

Well, the irony is, Barney, she wants to sell the house.

Oh, no, don't tell me that, Arthur.

Have you, uh, brought the, um...

Oh. Yeah, you'd better pay for the breakfast. I haven't done anything

than that.

114 ,000. She hasn't lost a penny.

And you saved her stamp duty on the house.

It was just a joke, Barney.

There's people out there making millions every day, bent and straight, but not

Barney Todd.

I thought at 62 I'd finally cracked it.

Yeah, well, the game's just about up anyway.

The old Tiki, you know, it's only a matter of time.

Leave off.

It's the truth, Arthur.

I should have played fair and square with Ruby the first time round.

You don't get any second chances, not at my time of life.

I... I don't suppose you could help me out with Ruby, could you, Arthur? Just

for old time's sake.

Would you help me?

You know I wouldn't.

Well, she's still got a soft spot for you, you know.

I think... I'll think about it.

Don't um, dear.

It goes right through me.

Here you go.

Well, that's that.

This book's going to put you right back on top, Ruby.

Is it? I think we've done very, very well. The book's done. I've got all your

money back for you. And I'm sure you're satisfied with Terry's services.

Oh, very, yeah.

Well, I think we should have a closer business relationship when you start the

next book.

I mean, anyone who can get money out of a man like Barney can sort anything out

for you.

He tried every trick in the book.

Said he hadn't got long to live.

Art condition.

I said, the only condition you got, old son, is... He said what?

Ah, don't swallow it, Ruby.

You know him, he's an old schmoozer.

Nah, he knew he'd lost, all right.

He's staying with Ronnie.

He'll land on his feet, as usual.

I said to him, I said, Barney, you are not cut out for big business.

You always do everything wrong.

Now, me, I mean, I, for instance... Aye, aye, aye, me, me, me, that's what we're

bleeding here from you, innit? Eh?

All right, Barney's a bit dodgy, but so are you, sunshine.

And he's an old man.

So either shut up or get out and walk.

You want to liaise with my publisher?

Give him that.

Right.

Now, Barney, it's up to you.

Oh, fine pickle you got yourself into, didn't you?

That is true. Are you coming in?

You haven't come to gloat, have you, Ruby?

Well, you know me better than that, don't you?

Yeah, I suppose so.

How have you been?

Oh, I'm very well, Barney.

I mean, everything's fine with me.

You must hate me by now.

You've got every reason.

There's no goose beating about the bush, I suppose. At least I'm man enough to

admit that I did flog your house behind your back. Well, you can hardly deny it,

could you?

Oh, that's right. That is correct.

And I don't hate anybody.

Why is life so unfair?

I give in. Why is life so unfair?

Personal management of Ruby's up the spout.

What Barney said is quite true. She can't write without him. This wonderful

we've all been waiting for.

You know what she's gone and done?

What's that?

Rewritten Lady at the Window.

Well, that's an old book.

Exactly. That was her first book.

What's up? Lost your licence? Don't you serve drinks any more?

Oh, yeah, yeah. Of course. Come in.

Does that mean you're buying?

Certainly not.

Have you seen the doctor about this thing?

Who told you about that? Arthur Daly.

Lemon. I begged him not to.

Put your coat up. You'll catch a... What are you going to do about it?

Probably put my name down for an old people's home. Oh, stop it.

I'll be all right. I've got a few interesting business ventures. What?

Well, business, like, you know.

How's the book?

Best thing I've ever done.

It's my story, you know.

Yeah, well, some of the stories I came up with weren't all that much butthole,

were they?

I don't know. I've got 14 books out of three of your ideas.

Yeah, I know.

Mind you, they've still got to be written.

Oh, yeah, I agree.

Writing Dutch is a tricky one, isn't it?

I... What?

I'm really glad you're a successor.

Yes. Yes, I... I am.

You got many friends in Capri, have you?

Oh, hundreds.

Right, you got the lot then, haven't you? Everything you've ever worked for.

had everything, Barney, and you chucked it away.

Oh, yeah.

Married to the successful, attractive writer Lorraine Masters.

Reflected glory, that's all I ever had, Ruby. No.

It's true, gal.

I mean, I know I was just an East End lad ready for anything that fell off the

back of a barrow, but I did help you a lot in the early days.

I never said you didn't. You never said I did either.

You were so busy looking after your career, you didn't have time for me.

why I started messing about.

It's all history, isn't it?

Anyway, I really am glad you were successful again, Gil.

I hope you'll be very happy.

very, very happy.

I give you Ruby.

Here's to another Lorraine master's success.

Well, when are we publishing then?

Oh, a few months.

I'll publish. It never tells me nothing.

Terry, come here. I understand you sold Ruby's car for her.

Yeah, why? Do you want to buy a motor?

No, no.

I'm just a poor publisher, dear Ruby.

Dear's a word, isn't it?

She's cost you a few extra, Bob.

Do you think she knows what she's done?

You mean rewritten her first novel?

Yeah. No, I don't think she does.

So what will you do? Get the advance back off her?

Oh, no, she keeps the advance.

Keeps it?

That's not an original idea, Mr Scott.

What is these days?

Books, TV, cinema, it's all the same.

The fact that this is the same as her first book makes no difference.

It's called Formula Romance.

Did Ronnie say where he'd gone?

No, he just said Barney had gone away.

I left your letter.

Gone away?

As in met some dancing girl again?

Well, it's back home to Capri for me, then.

Could be worse, couldn't it, eh? You're tackling it, Martha.

Oh, call me Ruby, love.

I won't bite you.

I'm bad at playing with Harry.

I mean, I thought I'd give him L for a little while and then we'd have a few

smashing years in the sunshine.

But, of course, life's not all violinists and pigeons, is it?

And it never finishes up like those foppish stories I write.

There you go, that's a lot. There you go, Ruby.

Thanks. Ruby!

I've got your note.

Ronnie said you'd got to wait.

Yeah, I did sort of. This fellow I know had a greyhound running down in Kent. I

don't want to hear it.

You always pack me off home if you get sick of me.

Yeah, I probably will.

Where do you want this furniture, Arthur?

Is that me Georgian? Yeah, Ruby.

Sell it for me, Arthur. I'll do my best. Must be worth all the three grand,

Ruby. Three? I'll give you five, you robber. I'll do my best, Barney. Trust

Anyone who's gone? Of course they go.

I must love that bony, Todd.

Who needs publishing when you can sell the same furniture three times?

Call me a sentimentalist, but I love an happy ending.

situation.

Right people, right time, just the wrong location.

I've got a good idea.

Just you keep me near. I'll be so good for you. I could be so good for you.

I'm gonna help you. Love you like you want me to.

He's so good for you.