Original subtitles

For you.

Love you like you want me to.

Be so good for you.

Love you like you want me to.

Morning. Morning.

Larry, lovely day, isn't it? Not bad, is it?

Panatella's out, sir.

Has my Investors' Chronicle come in? Yes. Have you had any thoughts about

mentioned last week?

I don't know, Arthur.

Look, I don't want to rush you, Larry, but I'm taking delivery today, and I

promise you, he who hesitates on this little lot is going to be well choked.

Thing is, I don't sell all that much rolling tobacco.

Exactly. And what is your miserable profit margin on your miserable

Not much. Not much, Larry. It's embarrassing.

It's not visible to the naked eye.

At my prices, you've got to be thinking about trebling that.

Yeah, I suppose so. Look, Larry, you are a grafter. I appreciate that.

But just this once, be nice to yourself.

Earn a few quid with your fee now.

All right, Arthur. I'm in.

You made the right decision, Larry, on my babies.

So that is 100 two -ounce plastic pouches of hand -rolling cigarette

sealed in for freshness in your hands first thing tomorrow morning.

Cheers.

Hey, Arthur, what about your investor's chronicle?

First class.

Read and prosper, my son. Read and prosper.

Ah, Daddy, as usual, I see, Terence. Ah, it's murder.

Where's that slippery little twerp, Arnie? He shouldn't be here.

Oh, good day, Arnold.

I thought you were sorting me a van.

What do you think I'll be doing, Henry? Playing yoga?

Oh, my God, you mean this is it?

For 20 sobs a day? No, no, no, for a promise of 20 sobs. What?

For a promise of 20 sovs a day, you do not get a turbocharged Arctic with air

conditioning and a stereo, Arthur. What you do get is this little beauty.

And if this don't get us there and get us back... Well, is there no chance of

you telling us the exact nature of this little jaunt or what?

We are popping down to the coast in the vicinity of a place called Buckler's

Ard. You're Buckler's what?

We're a business acquaintance of mine, Commander Hawksley.

Oh, an air force geyser, is he? Commander is a naval rank genius.

Senior service, right?

Well, among other things, the commander has a string of confectionery shops and

tobacconists. Sailor Moonlight and we've a couple of shops. Bit naughty, innit?

Disgraceful. He's retired, you ignorant nerks.

Well, now he wants to close the shops down and he's offering me odds and ends

stock at advantageous prices.

What sort of odds and ends? Well, you know, the usual thing. Greetings cards,

confectionery, smidgen of tobacco.

Oh, dodgy snout, eh? Wrong as usual, Terence. This is absolutely kosher.

Well, what's your edge, then?

Well, the commander has been very honest with me and let me know that the

tobacco's been on the shelf for a little while.

Sort of a well -matured half -man.

Yeah. Come to thought, that's country.

All right, I'll do, Terence. Come on, I need you to lock up.

Now, listen, Yorkie man, I want you at the Winchester with Van at two on the

dot. Quick run down the south coast, load up the gear, back in time for a

-up and distribution of wages.

So this thing had better be a runner by two o 'clock.

Otherwise you won't see a penny for that 20 ,000 -mile service you've done on

the Jag.

There you go.

The Jag didn't see much of a service, anyway.

Morning, all.

Daily. Time for word.

Well, you might...

Chisholm, I'm a bit pushed. Inside.

Inside? That's right, Daly.

It means we're on a bloody good nose around. Oh, I love that Welsh milk.

get tired of it, do you? You might soon, fire.

I'll tell you what, Tap.

Give us a start, mate.

Let me can you're in the frame as well. Come on, Brady, open up.

According to my rights as a normal citizen, a search warrant... Don't be

Arthur. You're not a normal citizen.

What are you doing?

Yeah, a bit of all right peace.

We've probably got one your size, then. Blue would be right for you. Now, what

about a nice Prince of Wales check, eh?

Jones.

Sorry, go.

Nice fridge, Arthur.

Personal purchase at the January sales.

Early Christmas present for her indoors.

The Ronald Reagan keep fit video.

Get on the station and find out if these have been reported stolen.

No, no, no, no.

Hold on, hold on, hold on.

Yes, there is nothing wrong there. British Telecom has been privateered, as

may recall.

And as far as them videos are concerned, they were purchased from a reputable

dealer. The receipt is currently with my accountant. Terry, Terry, tell Mr

Chisholm about them videos.

What videos? I don't know anything about videos.

Terry, this is no time for winding me up. All right, all right. No, that's

right, you won't get a result there. All right, Arthur, this is the situation.

Last night, some tearaways broke into a warehouse on the manor and had it weigh

with 1 ,500 pairs of highly expensive imported sporting footwear.

Unfortunately for us, the owner of said footwear was a close friend of the chief

superintendent. And so we've had to forget the murderers, arsonists and

for a day or two to go looking for bloody plimsolls.

Thank you.

We've managed to recover some of them, Arthur, and in doing so, your name

cropped up.

Mine? So as of this moment, Arthur, I am on your back.

And if I turn up so much as a bootlace, I'm not only going to pull you for

receiving, I'm going to stick you up for conspiracy to commit a robbery.

That is paramount to blackmail.

No, Arthur.

It's a threat.

And you needn't look so bloody casual.

You're included in this.

Look, I'm sorry I'm not fainting with fear, but you really have got your wires

crossed this time.

Oh, go and see who that is.

Oh, can I get you anything?

A cup of coffee? Tea?

You find yourself on the main street.

The coach on the right, the pub on the left.

Lost his way.

All right, Daly.

I expect to be seeing a great deal of me over the next few days.

Shall I return?

Excellent. Good, first class. Glad to be of assistance.

Want a coffee or something?

Terry, Terry, Terry, do the padlock.

Little job to do.

You ought to dump a bleeding lot.

Do what?

I'm into these for 300 sobs.

I've got a punter all lined up, his tongue hanging out. He'll be round there

five minutes.

You can, you mean.

It's the last I'm having anything to do with this. I think that was sunshine.

Anyway, there ain't room for me in the car, is there? What, Terry? You can

squeeze in there, Terry. No.

Terry?

Good luck.

Oh, I see. The bottle gone, has it?

Say what?

Nothing, nothing.

Chisholm was in here about an hour ago.

Bloody cheat, you snooped around the cellar at your opening time.

You say what he was after?

No, he kept staring at everybody's feet.

I think he's getting a bit peculiar.

Yeah,

this is not how to offer it.

Well, let's put it this way. Contact with Arthur should be kept down to the

minimum until further notice, all right?

Yeah.

On the other hand, of course, Chisholm could already have felt his collar.

Oh, nice one.

All that graft on the vamp of sweet F .A.

Oh, really, Arnold, what sort of reaction is that, eh? It's the proper

you press it.

OK, lads, excitement's over. Here comes the brain.

Last piece, then. Tea, please, David. Come on.

Still with Liberty, are you?

Dave, any chance you've got a bit of space down in your cellar?

Why does everybody want to get down in my cellar?

No chance, Arthur. Forget it.

You've been spreading malicious gossip.

No. People have just been drawing their own conclusions, haven't they? All

right, all right, that'll do.

Now, look, due to unforeseen circumstances and with grave misgivings,

to accompany you on this trip this afternoon.

Oh, no. So give me a quick day out, you know? I mean, we've got to go just all

by ourselves. All right, all right, that'll do. Now, listen.

Listen, you two clowns have got to get this one right.

That is Commander Hawksley's business premises address.

And I've marked the route out in here.

Now, when you get down there, deal only with the commander.

And for God's sake, try and be aid, because the man's a scholar and a

I'm not familiar with scoundrels.

It's met you, isn't it?

Terry, look.

This contains two and a half grand.

Two and a half grand?

I'm entrusting it to you, which means I don't want Arnie to get his greasy

little hands on it. Well, that's charming. And as this is strictly legit,

you both to sign this receipt.

Do what?

Yeah, poor Mark will do it in your case, aren't he? I can bleed and write.

There you go, come on. I don't believe this.

Yeah, tell him.

He'll tell you something else, something.

Make him one from the scrubs. He's got a boozer just here. I'll tell you

something else, too. You're going straight down there and coming straight

stopping only for a jimmy. Now, go on, off you go.

You take a map, all right?

Sure.

I'm sure, yeah.

I'll have the money.

Terry. I hope you appreciate the responsibility I'm entrusting you with.

I do, I do, good boy.

I mean, you've given me my big chance, haven't you?

Oh, thank you.

I think you're out of your mind, Arthur.

What does that mean?

Well, you've just added over two and a half thousand pounds to Frank Sinatra

Adolf Hitler.

What's your game?

Mine's your own business.

I have just made a perfectly understandable mistake.

That's mine down there.

I'm so sorry. It's Jag.

What, you, Arthur?

Harry, my old mate. Oh, you're looking fit, my old son. Very fit indeed.

I'll try telling me doc that.

Well, what can I do for you, Arthur?

Footwear of a younger generation, Barry.

Trainers.

Yeah.

They come a bit pricey, though, and I just don't have to turn them. Well, now

your chance to change all that, Harry.

Have a look at them.

Nice gear, Arthur.

Yeah.

Still, I can't see me knocking out many football boots round here, though. No,

trainers, Harry, trainers.

Flaming great studs, see?

So's the other one.

Well, it would, wouldn't it?

Sorry,

Mr. Daly couldn't make it himself.

Yeah, he was well sick about it, well sick.

You owe Mr. Daly Fenton his apologies, you know, about the pressure of work and

all that.

Oh, yes, yes, quite.

Oh, Angela, would you bring in the bunk from Mr. Daly's order? Right.

I think the tide's about to turn.

Is it?

Yeah.

Either of you two ever messed about in boats?

Yeah. I went on one of those peddling things once when I was on holiday in

Marquette. Peddling things?

No, he means one of those peddlers, you know, that you mess about in a turf

with. He's a case, isn't he? Oh, yes.

I know.

Ah, Angela.

Now, if one of you would like to sign at the bottom there.

Yeah, all right, yeah.

And then if you take your van down to my stalls.

I'll get up. Come along.

Oh, that's £2 ,500.

Here you go.

Thank you.

Oh, you go on. I'll catch you up.

OK. Hello.

Hello. Sir?

I can't apologise enough, gentlemen. I'm afraid it may not arrive until later

this evening.

Do what?

If you like to wait in my office, I'll convey any news as soon as it comes in.

Is he trying to strike us up or what?

Don't know.

Better hang about, though, aye?

What do you think about this, then?

I don't know.

Arthur reckons he's 100 % straight.

Leave off. Nobody's that straight, though.

News of some sort, gentlemen.

The van has been towed to a garage.

There's every chance we may be ship -shaped by this evening.

Listen, mate, no offence, but don't you reckon you ought to have bung us back up

as a bit of poke?

He means return Mr. Daly's money until we get his gear.

I would, but Andrew's already gone to the bank and popped it in the night

Listen, gentlemen, let me try and compensate for the inconvenience.

A friend of mine has just taken delivery of a new boat.

He's very kindly given me the use of it while he's out of the country.

Why don't you come on board and have a drink?

Yeah, all right, yeah.

Let's chuck him in the toilet.

All he's going to do until he comes to his senses. If we steam in and he's on

the level, we're going to look right, Wally, aren't we? No, give him a bit

time. Then chuck him in the toilet.

We've got to figure out what to tell Arthur. He's expecting us home in an

Get on the salt.

Penny, I've brought some friends along for a drink.

Come on, chaps.

This is Terry.

Hello. And Arnold.

Welcome aboard.

Take them down, will you, Penny?

Hold on, Arnie.

I knew it. I knew it. Those two have done me up like a kipper.

That's what you get for treating kids like adults.

Law of the jungle.

Bite the hand that feeds you and all that.

Take it easy, Arthur. They're only half an hour late. They probably got held up

in the traffic.

I blame myself.

I blame myself.

Not as much as I blame them, but I blame myself.

Terry?

Where the bloody hell are you?

What?

What boat?

Well, the sun is well over the yardstick, isn't it?

Yard arm, Terry.

The yard arm?

So we've spliced the main brace, know what I mean?

Terry, Terry, are you drinking my money away in some dreadful boozer?

If so, please, I beg of you, stop now.

No, no, no, no. Look, Commander Hawksley's got your dough, but one of

is out of action, so we've got to wait for the gear.

Oh, you don't mean you've partied with two and a half grand and got nothing to

show? That's all right, isn't it? You said everything's strictly kosher, be on

your best behaviour, all that sort of cobblers.

Terry, I want you to tell me exactly what is occurring down there.

You think I'm caring?

Hold on. Just hang on, will you?

Can you have a word with him?

Cheers.

Arthur, Teddy Hawksley here.

What? What are you doing?

Pen's telling me about signaling with flags and that sort of thing. Since when

did you need flags, eh?

I mean, this is really clever, this is.

For instance, this brooch I'm wearing.

That's a well -known signal.

Yeah? Tell us about it, Pen.

It means permission to lay alongside.

Oh. It's called the Double Eagle. It's moored just below my office, Arthur.

But there's no need for you to come down.

Oh, I think there is.

In fact, I insist.

Yes, I... I insist, my dear.

Yes, I'll drop everything immediately and come, my dear. Yes, bye -bye,

Trouble at all, Martha?

Nothing that requires the Metropolitan Police. Thank you.

You straightened Arthur out, did you?

Well, I don't know.

He said he was going to come down, and then he went rather peculiar.

Yeah, well, the old boy gets a bit confused now and again.

Oh.

I want you to slip your oil skins on.

It's going to get a bit chilly later on.

No, I'm fine, Commander Hawksley. Honestly.

You sure?

So what's happening, Colonel?

Well, I'm going to go back to the office for an hour or so. The wind's back,

thank goodness, and the shipping forecast is reasonable. So we should be

this evening.

What's the shipping forecast got to do with it? What?

Oh, absolutely nothing.

Sorry. Must be rather boring for you landlubbers, but the weather rather

our lives.

Isn't that so, Penny? Oh, absolutely.

I'll leave you in Penny's capable hands.

If you're feeling peckish, there's lots of food on board.

Yeah, but there's no other, do you?

And the two -way pin.

There you go, gents.

Another large one, please, Dave.

I thought you had to rush home, Arthur.

Oh, that is what is known as a delayed response, Mr Chisholm.

Part of the tactics of marriage.

So how did you meet Commander Augsley, then?

I answered an ad.

Female crew wanted occasional cross -channel trip.

Orkins provided, thereby he's been as good as gold.

So you mean you're not exactly sort of game with him, are you?

No. I've only known him for about a week.

He seems very nice.

That seems lovely.

Listen, how about going out and having a nice drink? Must be a decent booze

around here somewhere, Pen. Yes, one or two, but I thought I'd stay on board and

have a quiet evening.

Yeah, I don't feel like going out myself much, really.

No, no, no.

I'm a bit cattle myself. It was a long drive down here. On the other hand,

perhaps it might be nice to go ashore.

There's a lovely little pub overlooking the old harbour.

Well, that sounds good to me, yeah.

Hold it, Till. I mean, you didn't want to go a minute ago.

Well, I changed my mind, didn't I?

You stay in and have a nice rest.

No, but it was me who wanted to go out in the first place, wasn't it?

Yeah, but you changed your mind too, hadn't you?

Anyway, the washing up's got to be done first, so perhaps one of you might give

me a hand.

Yeah, all right.

Oh, that's very kind of you both. I'll leave you to it while I check the

moorings.

Come on, then.

I twist.

Oh, dear, a king. I suppose you're bust. Yes, I'm well bust, I'm afraid, thank

you.

Pay 20.

Pay me.

Oh, well done, Arnie. 10p to me. Hold on, hold on, hold on. It's 22, you

pillock.

No, it's not.

Count it, I'm dying. I can count.

What's that?

Who on earth are you?

Have a look.

It's catching birds.

Don't worry, it's only half. Don't only offer me. Give us a hand. Come on, you.

Penny, half a, half a penny. Oh, nice to meet you, my dear. Are you all right?

I'm afraid boats can be difficult for the older person.

You, and you, with me, back to the car and get some more of these boxes. No,

no. What do we want them on here for? I've got a little job for you.

Taking the studs off my trainers.

What's your bet, sir? Look, yours is not the reason why, Burberry. Just do it.

Here, come on.

Nice, isn't it?

Just look after that for a minute.

Won't be long.

In the name of God, Antoine, why can't you get a boat that works?

Dans le nom de Dieu, Antoine, achetez -vous un bateau qui marche.

Oh,

never mind.

Yes, oui, yes, I'll be there.

Bonne bloody chance to you, Antoine.

You have no idea the trouble I had getting down here. I mean, talk about

and dagger.

This man Chitham sounds awful.

Couldn't you complain to the police about him? No, he can't. All right,

that'll do. You've been on that boot for half an hour.

Tell you what, son, you're really blown out here, you know. I mean, just because

you take the studs off, don't make them trainers, does it?

Trainers are not for training.

Eh? They're for bone -idled so -and -sos to loaf about on street corners in.

Don't you lose them studs, Arnie?

Just in case we run across a football squad of 50 who all wear size 10.

Ah, dearly, my dear chap.

Oh, telly.

Good Lord.

Oh, just adapting some footwear. I hope you don't mind me imposing.

Please, feel free. It's the least I can do.

Particularly in view of the fact that you're going to have to wait until

tomorrow for your stuff.

The van's been locked up in the garage, you know.

Most annoying.

Oh, no, no. No worry, Teddy.

Patience is all.

I was wondering, would you like to join me in the yacht club for a drink and a

bite to eat? The yacht club? That's very hospitable of you, Teddy.

My own club in London does have a reciprocal arrangement with other

establishments. What have we cheated on?

But none around here, as I recall.

Splendid. All right, Penny.

Yes, thank you, Commander.

Mind your head.

Oh, thank you, Commander.

No bunking off you lot.

Mind how you go. You know what these sailors are.

Shodding boots.

You haven't got a pair of pliers on here, have you? I don't know. I'll go

have a look. There's a toolbox aft.

Do you want an egg?

No, thanks.

Yeah. All right, eh?

Oh, yeah, not bad, not bad.

Not bad?

Are you sure?

I reckon I'll have a result here tonight.

I've no idea.

Oh, damn it, I must go and have a Jimmy.

Give us my jacket, will you?

Thank you.

Never had any trouble with nookie me.

Well, you've either got it or you ain't.

They're nice boots, these, aren't they, Till?

You still playing on a Sunday?

Yeah, I was playing with a red line up until Christmas, then the back four got

banged up in the scrubs. Oh, we had a check -in.

I'll tell you... Tell?

Terry!

Penny?

Thanks.

Thanks a lot, mate.

Teddy, why aren't you allowed to purchase? No, no, no.

Ah, indeed, Teddy. Ah, Johnny, Arthur. This is Johnny Winstanley, the Commodore

of the Club.

Johnny, Arthur Daly.

An honour and a privilege, Mr Commodore.

Johnny has joined me in a number of my business ventures. In fact, he'll be

helping out tomorrow.

Ah, say no more, eh, Daly?

Not so good as a wink, what?

Well, now, what about a talk? Ah, man the pumps. Yes, pinkers, please, Teddy.

Two pink jeans, Fred.

And, uh, Arthur?

Oh, a pink vodka, please, Teddy.

One pink vodka.

I must say, I'm rather glad you came down after all.

Your two colleagues seem to be under the impression that I like to diddle them.

I must apologise, Teddy. I'm afraid that is the gutless mentality.

You see, I do feel it's my responsibility to give these unfortunate

chance. And generally, they do respond.

But when they are absent from my guiding influence, they tend to redress.

Cheerio.

Cheerio. Cheerio.

I'd say him again, peace, Fred.

No, I'd definitely like it, yeah.

Hope your friend's all right.

Oh, he'd be all right. What?

Sitting on someone's boat, unscrewing all those little studs, eh?

This is the scheme of things tomorrow.

Winstandy here, good chap that he is... Cheers.

Cheers. ...will have a reception committee waiting for us on this side.

And then after the rendezvous... No, no, no, no, no. Do not misunderstand me,

Teddy. I don't want to know the details.

I cannot afford to be compromised.

I must remain aloof.

That was the agreement.

Quite, quite.

Oh, well, fair enough, Teddy.

Up to us to bring home the bacon and all that more.

Mind you, you'll have to shake a leg if you want to make yourself scarce.

It'll be a dawn start.

Oh, have no fear, Teddy.

Dawn rising is my byword.

Ah, well, one for the road.

Oh, that's very kind, Commodore. Oh, while I remember, would you care to

this new non -slip deck shoe that I have here?

It's not on the market yet, but the manufacturers have let me in ahead of

field. Look, this looks remarkably like a football boot without the... Well,

well, well spotted.

Well spotted.

That... is, in fact, an offshoot of football boot technology.

And you see, these holes, that is where you get the suction.

Thank you.

It was bang out of order, Till.

What are you talking about, mate?

Creeping off like that, leaving me on my tod.

I felt a ripe prune.

Anyway, what's the matter with a girl? Do you need glasses or something?

That sounds like Long John Silver, doesn't it?

I've come to say goodnight.

Goodnight.

And to say, you must be up at Sparrows Fart in the morning and off this ship.

And I will give you an early morning call.

Oh, he's had a few, hasn't he?

Well spotted, Arnold.

Oh, hello, Phil.

Good night, Phil.

In a minute, Paddy.

I'd better make sure Daly is on board.

Daly?

How are you, chaps? Shake a leg.

What's up? We're about to cast off.

Are we?

We're going up the coast for an hour or so. I thought you might like to go

ashore.

I'd rather stay in the boat, wouldn't you, Arnie?

Oh, if you're absent this afternoon.

Daily's not on board, you know. Oh, good.

Well, I must say that's very sporting of you.

I could use some extra hands later on.

Take over the helm, will you, Penny?

I'm going to look at the chart.

The wind's getting up a bit.

Wouldn't you be better off with your oil skins on?

No, no, no, I'm fine, really, Commander.

Ah, the volunteers.

Hello. Hope you slept well.

Yes, much, yes.

Why don't you take the helm for a bit, Arnie?

You mean Troy?

All right.

Keep an eye on him.

Make sure he stays in the channel.

When we clear the estuary, we'll have a little breakfast, eh? Right -o.

Spit through this, I tell.

Yeah, through, through.

What's that thing?

It's a depth sounder.

Shows how deep the water is under us.

Look, if I switch this on... Oi, oi, oi, keep your eyes on the road.

What did you say, Arthur Woods?

He didn't say it. He just said he didn't want to come along.

Well, don't say I blame him.

What? I think he's the biggest city.

Well, this part's all right.

The return journey will give me the butterfly.

Well, I think we might up the revs a bit at this stage.

Bloody Mary saw it.

Went all funny, then.

I'd better take over now, tell you.

We'll go by compass from now on.

Hello? What was that?

Well... Oi!

Have a look.

Where'd you spring up from, eh? Oh, my God, it's worse up here.

I checked your cabin daily.

I thought you'd gone ashore.

I fell asleep in a car seat.

Can I get some coffee, Arthur? Can I get some?

I'm going to have to turn this thing around and take me back. I think I'm

to die.

It's too late for that, Daly.

The rendezvous is arranged.

Anyway, there's a lot of money involved.

Something with yours, you know.

What rendezvous? What money?

Don't you know?

I thought Arthur... Now, you don't want to bother yourself with this, Terry.

Shut up. Don't touch me.

Well, come on, Hawks. We're out with it. My dear chap, I'm sorry if you thought

I was bringing you along, but Arthur was supposed to put you in the picture last

night. He said you didn't want to be involved.

That's why I was rather surprised that you came along today.

Involved in what, for God's sake?

Well, we're on our way to meet another boat that has, uh, rather a lot of

tobacco on board.

Bloody hell, Arthur!

What's he on about?

Well, you see, exported English cigarette tobacco is worth under a pound

ounces on the conference.

Here, you pay three times as much for it.

So, provided you can smuggle in a reasonable amount, well, the profits can

uh, very tempting.

Smuggling? Is that all right?

Well,

listen,

what do you think about all this?

Better put in fiberglass inside of old cortinas, isn't it? Have you snapped or

something?

Just because it's all yellow and spliced with main brace, don't mean you can't

get Nick, does it? Say, please, please, don't give us one of your lectures.

I don't think I could stomach it.

I'll leave you out. So, I mean, this is double sweet, this is.

And you was going to bang me 20 sobs for the use of my van?

You old scallywag.

Don't leave me!

Another ten minutes and we're here too.

Yeah, I don't think I can wait ten minutes.

I'm in the middle of a boatload of bleeding loonies.

With any luck, we make contact with Antoine. Then we transfer the tobacco.

Then it's full ahead both, back to a convenient little spot where Johnny will

waiting. With the help of his inflatable dinghy, we transfer the stuff onto dry

land and then into a vehicle post -haste. Back to the moorings for a quick

drink. And as far as any nosy parkers are concerned, well, we haven't really

been away long enough to get up to anything, have we? Sweeter than that.

We hope.

That's him.

All right.

Down you go.

Go on, off you go now.

Come on, Arnold.

He said to say hi, mate, you know that?

Hello, Teddy.

Hello, Antoine.

Everything okay?

We're sure, sailor.

No, no.

Don't worry about all that. Come on, let's get off a bit.

Oh, yes, sir.

What is it? Bloody Mary.

Oh, well, perhaps just a sip.

Thank you.

We've done all that for you.

Well done, you lads.

Thanks awfully.

Well, we're not exactly working for nothing, are we? Eh?

Any extramural contributions you make will be considered at the end of the

What's that mean, Till?

It means he's feeling better.

Oh, for him when he was sick.

Just a bit of parting indigestion.

Dailies have always been very good sailors.

That's true, Dave.

Dave, yeah.

No, no, no, no.

Any danger of another medicinal one here?

We're not feeling too clever either.

Come on, Johnny. Get your dinghy lodged.

Come in, Frank. Quick, quick. Come over here.

Come here.

Come here, Winston.

God almighty.

What's that all about?

We've been tumbled.

Who's that?

It's the Riverfoot.

Customs and Excise.

What, a Batman in a boat?

Incredible cheat.

Dressing somebody up like they're doing Stanley.

We got the beating of them. Oh, yes, we can outrun them.

Just as well Johnny got the flare -up.

Otherwise I'd never have gone around in time.

I'm an innocent partner in all this, Terry. You are my witness.

I had no idea of commanding... Shut up, Lydia.

Listen, how much duty -free snout are we allowed then?

Look, they're giving up.

So

what

now, then?

I don't know.

We could try slipping in up the coast, but everybody's going to be on the

lookout for us.

That's simple, isn't it?

We're done for.

I beg your pardon, Terry?

They've probably been on to all three beyond this lot. We nearly got done back

to rights just then.

Now, while all this is a nice jolly joke for you lot, I've got ball, remember?

I don't intend going down again just because you've got toothpaste to wake me

this morning.

I must admit, the odds are against us now.

Sorry, but that's it.

It's a place called Sowley Beach.

A lot of things get washed up there. What have you got?

It's my gear, isn't it? You didn't bring any gear. Terry, Terry, open the boot.

Here you go.

How are your smuggling mates, eh? Free but furious. You ought to see them

geezers turn that boat over.

Made Chisholm look like Nurse Teresa. Poor Commander Hawksley. He'll probably

drummed out of the yacht club. What about poor Harper Daly? I mean, this has

been a right unmitigated, this has.

What are you talking about? The geezer even gave you your dough back.

The man's a top, if you ask me.

But don't worry about that.

Penny and I have been having a little chat, and we may get a result.

Well, what's that supposed to mean?

It's equal four -way split, or you'll never find out. Right.

Tell me, where do you get this behaviour from?

Well, you're turning into a very nasty little piece of work, you know.

Hmm. All right, under duress. Come on, let's have it. Go on, Penn, tell him,

tell him. Well, it's a terrific long shot, but I know this part of the coast

quite well.

And bearing the wind and tide in mind, I've some idea where some of those bags

might turn up. Nice one, Penn. Good, isn't it? Might, I said.

My dear, you've nearly made an old man very happy.

Come on.

Yeah, you go in the van, eh? Come, Pet. And you come with me.

Now, you're off.

Well?

Nothing yet.

The tide's starting to turn.

We might have to wait for the next one. Oh, I couldn't bear that, my dear. The

only bit of water I ever want to see again is a full bath.

Hold on.

I can see something on the mud.

Eh? Can't quite make it out.

It's about half a mile away.

Yeah, that is definitely two of them. Go on, off you go, off you go.

No, hold on, hold on. Straight shares, right? Never mind all that. Off you go.

If I'm going to slip out there, I want my wages up front. Right on, Terry.

So either we divvy up now or you are the mudlark. Terry, this is most improper

out here in front of this nice young lady.

What do you reckon to those bags, eh?

Grand a piece, at least.

Sorry, I thought I heard someone speak.

That's half a monkey, isn't it?

Yeah, and don't forget they're duty free.

Look, where am I going to find that kind of dough here and now?

You're holding two and a half K.

Oh, that kind of dough.

Yes, that kind of dough.

All right, 200 apiece.

Yeah, all right, done.

When you get back?

No, now.

Look, I'll tell you what.

Penny can hold it. Very trusting, isn't she, Terry?

I trust her.

There you are, my dear. Hold that, would you, please? Thanks, Arthur.

No, no, I only said hold it. Good luck, Arthur. Yeah, well, now, go and bloody

well earn it. Go on. Do you want to rock the Bailey's Army, eh? See you in a

whirlwind.

Please. Go on.

Get all dressed up for a tea party.

No,

no, no, you get the other one. Come on, do what?

Come on.

Shut up, will you?

Oh, dick.

It's well stuck, this one. You're going to have to come and help us, mate.

Come and help.

Oh, no, this one's the same. It's worse, isn't it?

Come on.

Grab that, and I'll leave it out in the back, all right? Just ease.

I've got this!

I've got this!

Terry! Oh, dear.

Terry!

to please, as always.

True, very true. Yeah, do you smell something?

Smell something?

There's a terrible pong coming from somewhere.

Oh, no, no, there's a broken gas main just on the corner. I think they're

repairing it now.

Arthur!

Bloody, no pen and ink.

Apparently her indoors made Arthur sleep in a car.

What are you doing that, eh? You move it. I didn't want to come away and jam

you, did I?

Yeah. Give him half a lager, will you? Do you want a special, please, Dave?

A special, yeah.

How do you like it in here?

Mm.

Take your coat off.

Morning, all. You as well, please, Dave.

Here you go. You'd better give it a couple of minutes to cool off, eh? I

you that microwave oven would come in handy, didn't I? Exactly. I had it mined

off a dryer, so... Do you, er, find a nice safe place for them football boots?

Oh, yeah, yeah, don't worry about it. I'll take myself as his offer.

Hold up.

Well, well, well.

Wild bunches back in town.

Mr Chisholm, what a pleasant surprise.

Any joy on the footwear front?

Moderate, thank you. What's this?

Search me, Mr Chisholm.

I'll search this first.

Who knows?

Might find a spare football boot or two. Do you mind?

No, no, no, carry on.

Typical of you, bleeding lunatic. It's the last time I do any sort of business

with you at all, Harvey. How does Aaron know?

What? What's the matter?

Trying to blow chips. I'll see you later.

Harvey!

Terry!

I've got a good idea.

Just you keep me near. I'll be so good for you. I could be so good for you.