Original subtitles

Love you like you want me to.

I could be so good for you.

Love you like you want me to.

Power on.

That's very good. I thought it was a little red light. Yeah, that indicates

is ready to receive.

Now what happens?

We wait for the telephone to ring.

Capital traffic, a lot of water has been spilled from roundabout at Jackson 5 on

the M1, as you can imagine. Things are very slippery there.

And if you're driving at the moment, this is one to tap the wheel to. I'm

Allen. You're listening to Capital Radio.

Well, all this hanging around rather proves Dave's point, doesn't it? How do

mean? Look, I don't really need an answering machine, Arthur. Do me a

Dave. Of course you need it. Listen, look, you're out doing a bit of

right? Shopping? The phone rings, nobody here. You have missed that important

business call.

I don't get many business calls, Arthur. I mean, most of them are for you.

Sales reps.

What, you mean the beer and criskeys?

Nah, they call only person.

New members.

Somebody rings up, nobody here.

Well, they think that's a right under the arm place, that is. No one answering

the phone. They go somewhere else.

I mean, all the clubs in the West End have got these.

White, the Athenaeum. Get off. They've got geezers who answer the phones there.

Yeah. You try and get a geezer to do what this can do for 67 notes.

67, eh? Worth 90.

Ah.

Needs to warm up.

Probably.

Probably.

Yes, mate?

Hello, Mr. Allen.

Is Maria Lane knocking about in there, did you know?

I thought she was ill.

What? Well, your wife collected her at lunchtime.

She's not been back.

My wife? I thought you'd know.

I mean... Come on, boys, look, that'll be fine.

This is the Winchester Club.

I'm out just now.

But I shall be back shortly.

If you would like to leave a message... Quiet, please.

Please. We're recording over here.

All right, Dave. All right.

Off you go. From the beginning, that'll be about message.

If you'd like to leave a message, I'll give you a bell.

I'll call you back as soon as I can.

Yeah, don't wait till after the time. Belt up till you hear the bleep.

Perfect, eh?

Don't, don't. Poetry. Sheer poetry.

If only the phone would ring.

What up?

Forget your key.

Eh, nothing for my wife.

If she's dark -haired girl, she can stay in here. You see now?

Bitch!

Is that the police?

Well, there's a madman here and he's smashing the place up.

No, no, Sarah.

Not me. That's right. But are you going to be long?

No, I shall be quitting the booze about now.

Right, I never saw a thing.

I'll only be a second.

That's all right.

Hello, Mancini and Stunt.

Damn!

Elf. That's what they want.

They're elf.

Keep thick glasses, elf clubs.

It's all a rage.

Everyone's had it.

You ought to join them.

What do you mean? I'm a very active man. Oh, of course you are. I beg your

pardon. It's just a new venture, aren't it? What, Elf? Yeah.

Diversification, Dave. It's always been my watchword.

And Elf is a definite goer.

I mean, do you know, there are thousands of people out there who do nothing all

day but eat, drink, smoke and sit around. They do not know the harm they

doing to themselves.

A nice bit of Elfie exercise will do them a power of good.

Get them involved, you've got a gold mine.

Do you know what this new venture's called?

The Daily Workout. Good name, isn't it? See, it's got two meanings.

Daily, as in every day, and daily, as in rip -off.

Close.

Tape's running, Dave? Yeah, yeah.

Amazing, this progress, isn't it?

I mean, they've got big silver birds now that carry people through the air, you

know. Shush, shush, Terry.

Rewind. It's hardly a scientific breakthrough, is it?

Play that back.

That's it.

This is Roddy Allen with a message for Arthur or Terry.

Very sorry, but I can't meet you in the pub tonight.

The girls will be there, all right. They know what you want, and they're quite

happy to do it for you.

They're all pretty fit, which is what you asked for.

One of them's got an idea about doing something with yoghurt.

She'll explain.

Look, I'll talk to you when I can, OK?

What's wrong with him?

Nothing, he's Scotch.

Good sound, isn't it, Dave?

Yeah, yeah.

Now, I'll tell you what, Dave. 24 hours on trial, and after that, sale on

return. All right?

Come on, Terry. The lady's away.

Bye, Dave.

Evening, all.

Yoghurt.

That's very secret.

Robbie, where is he?

See? Oh.

Very good, Joe.

Very good.

Laura! Oh, come in, come in.

Laura! Laura!

What's all this shouting in my house, eh?

I'm sorry, Elena, but I'm not going to be messed about.

I know damn well Laura and Maria Elena here.

You know damn well.

You know damn well nothing. They're not here.

What has happened?

There's only one place your little girl runs to when she's in trouble, and

that's to you two.

Oh, my God, what has happened to her?

She came back and took Marie -Helene out of school.

They've gone.

Gone? Where?

You know very well.

You've lied for her before. You'll lie again.

What?

We don't see you for five, six weeks. You come here shouting at her?

Where is my daughter?

Don't try and make me look an idiot, Helena.

For this, you don't need my help.

Just tell me about my daughter. I have not seen her for five... Elena, I just

don't believe that.

Okay. I'm a liar.

I'm a world -famous liar.

I got medals in lying. I'm very meant to pass on the air. Your daughter walked

out on me.

Okay. That's fine.

Let her keep on walking.

But I want my daughter back.

She's mine.

Who do you think you speak to? I'm sorry.

But she took my daughter away. She?

She.

She hurt you, and now you come here to hurt me. Did you marry me?

I sometimes thought so.

Oh, great.

Look who's here.

Roddy, you've got to keep turning up.

Don't start with me tonight, Marco.

Somebody talk to the crazy man. I thought I'd speak English for 25 years,

make a mistake.

Mama, what's up? I'll tell you what's up. Sorry, Maria Elaine.

Son of a... That's it.

Close the family circle.

Keep the stranger outside.

Why can't you speak English?

Why can't you? You always do it, don't you?

Italian. Italian.

We're Italian.

All right.

Just tell me where my flag of a wife is. Don't you call my sister no flag.

It's nothing.

No, don't tell me nothing. It means somebody who'd run off and leave her

and child.

Somebody who'd run off with another bloke. Leave it out, Roddy.

You're well out of order.

You're right out of order. You come in here, sharpen the odds.

I want my child.

Who the hell do you think you are?

We don't know where Laurie is.

You want me to write it down for you?

Okay,

Rudy. We think it's time you left.

Don't try it with me, Marco.

Look, I'll hit you.

Try it.

Oh, no, Marco!

You bastard.

What's all this about yogurt, Janice?

Yeah. Well, you rub it into your face and neck and it does your skin good.

Yoghurt? Yeah.

Any particular flavour?

Well, probably natural.

That'd be best, really, I suppose.

Yeah, I suppose it would be, wouldn't it? Natural. Really?

I don't suppose banana or one of the others would hurt?

Not unless you smack yourself in the eye with a spoon.

Yeah. I suppose the club told me about it.

I thought he was into body treatment.

What, did he? He did.

Very trusting, our Janet.

Where's your gym, Arthur?

Elf Studio, Linda.

It's a warehouse above a welding shop.

Now, we'll move up west as soon as it takes off.

Excuse me.

Do you think it matters that we don't know anything about Cupid, Arthur?

No, the punters who come won't know nothing, will they? Anyway, I got this

I've had these exercises copied out. Look, all you've got to do is keep Joe

Josephine public, leaping about until they're knackered. Yeah, I know, but

so, we are blackjack dealers.

Only at night. Are you going to take any classes, Arthur?

Arthur?

Pardon my mouth.

Now, I should be handling the financial side of the business, my dear. I expect

Terry will be taking one or two lessons, though.

He does a lot of jigging up and down, so I hear. Yeah, I like all that.

Aerobic!

Yeah, if you want.

What's an RHR?

Oh, that's the steel girder that holds up the ceiling.

That's an RSJ, you wally.

Now, RHR.

Here we are.

Resting heart rate.

RHR. See, it's obvious, really. Now, remember that, girls. Any awkward

questions, use initials. It always impresses. Makes it sound more official.

Yeah, like DDT.

Much whiskey. All right, it's Rod. Rod!

We're over here.

Here. I'll get that.

I'm pretty sick, Governor.

Yeah, she is.

What happened to you?

I got hit.

I've told you, you've got to keep your old left hand up, haven't you?

Who did it?

My brother -in -law.

What would he hit you?

We can't do all this, Arthur. Of course you can with your subtle little bodies.

Janice, I want you to take that one.

You could do that one beautifully, my dear.

Hello, Rod.

Hi, Rod.

Oh, dear, oh, dear. Who got home late last night, then, eh? Shut up, Arthur.

Oh, what happened?

Laura's taken Maria Lane.

What? Her parents won't let me see her.

You don't know that, do you?

I mean, if she was there, they'd let you see her.

You don't know them, Terry.

All the bonnie me in the world.

Till you cross them.

Then they close ranks.

Well, I'll show them.

They're not the only ones with family.

I've got my cousins coming down.

If the Mancini's want trouble, they can have it.

You all got together all right? Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah. Fine, Rod, fine, fine.

Rod? Oh, Rod.

I've got to go and have a word with him.

If he starts trouble with Laura's lot, there'll be hell to pay.

What, Italians?

Whoa.

Black spot, isn't it?

Secret signs at midnight.

They're worse than the Freemasons.

Rod's not a troublemaker.

No, no, but he's working on it.

Hello.

I'm looking for Laura.

Laura? Yeah, Laura Allen.

It's OK, Mama. Not OK to me.

Good evening. Can I help you?

Hello, Mrs Mancini.

Do you remember me?

Terry McCann.

I was at Laura's wedding.

Then I stood in as godfather when the Scottish rock couldn't turn up at the

Christening, remember?

Oh, Terry, of course. I'm sorry I haven't got my glasses.

Come in, come in. Joe!

Joe, look who's here.

You remember Terry from the Christening? Hello.

Of course, of course.

Come in, come in. Sit down, sit down.

Clear away the seat. How are you?

Oh, thanks, yes. It's been a long time.

Yeah, well, can I thank Laura?

Your friend?

Ah, well, he's exactly the same, I'm afraid. Really diggy business, man.

very diggy. Doing OK, I bet you. Yeah, he's all right, yeah. Yeah, yeah. Well,

what brings you here to see us, hmm?

Well, it's... No, don't tell me. Our son -in -law.

Yeah. Did he send you here?

No, no, no. He's a nutcase.

Yeah, I know.

That's why I wanted to have a word with Laura.

Try and sort something out.

Terry, uh... Laura disappeared five weeks ago.

We don't know where she is. We tell Roddy this.

Six times we tell him. Laura has not been here.

I don't know where my daughter is.

I don't see her. I don't speak with her.

I never... Elena.

It's my fault.

What can I do?

I'm sorry.

Mama.

I'm sorry.

Terry, we have seen each other on two happy occasions, the wedding and the

christening, but now my family is falling apart.

Laura was told never to come here again.

Her mother told her this.

What, because she left Roddy and Maria?

No, because she started hanging around with a lousy wop called Johnny Beth

Selly. For this, she broke her marriage.

Dad, don't get excited.

Papa, your blood... My blood is fine.

Personally, this pet subject doesn't bother me. He's just a punk who's not

talking about, just like his entire family, all cheap crooks. But they

a dear old friend of mine to move out from his place down here.

Persuade him? No, they push him.

Now they're my neighbors.

They have come.

So what happens?

My daughter, my Laura La Dolce, she goes with this punk.

We were so ashamed. Our family, our friends.

It's silly. Laugh about it. Just like she's his whore.

I'm unseen here.

It broke our hearts.

Our little girl.

Mummy, we're hungry.

All right, darling.

Steaming up.

Take them off, you idiot.

Okay, rest a minute.

We'll do all that again.

Then we'll do running.

Oh, no.

Then we'll rest.

Then we'll say something like, Okay, ladies, that's enough resting. Let's do

workout.

Let's do the workout.

Let's do the workout.

It's coming.

It's coming.

Right.

Jog. Oh, good afternoon.

How nice of you to drop in.

I suppose there's no fear of you giving me a hand with these, is there? Not

whatsoever. Stick them in there, will you?

Morning, girl.

Hi.

Oi, what happened to you last night?

Oh, I popped round to Roddy Allen's in -laws.

Oh, no.

Terry, don't make some matrimonial punch -ups.

I mean, marriage itself is not a pretty sight.

But pre -divorce acrimony? Oh, God, it's wicked.

Yeah, well, they're friends of mine, aren't they?

They won't be for much longer if you start trying to straighten out their

marriage. People will never forgive you for that.

I know what so -called friends usually do.

They keep well out of things, keep their mouths shut and have a nice quiet time

until it's all over. Don't they?

Well, I'm not going to do that. They're real friends. Oh, my God, hearts and

flowers. Listen, I happened to be Maria Elena's godfather.

Standing godfather. The Scotch lot didn't turn up. I remember I was there.

right, all right, but I'm still official, aren't I?

I mean, I had to find the old wasp name, the thing. The old wasp name, the

thing? What?

Look, listen, tell me, when was the last time you inquired into that child's

religious instruction?

Nah, we went to the christening, had a few drinks in a marquee. No, we didn't.

It was a dog and poetry. No, no, no, marquee as in tent.

I don't mean boozer.

You are not godfather material, Terry.

That's right, so maybe I ought to try a bit harder then, eh? Yeah, you remember

what happened to the Good Samaritan?

No? Well, exactly.

Proper godfather would.

Anyway. Louise tells me that Ronnie's got a solicitor on it now and he's going

for custody.

So he won't need you.

What's that?

That's my bleeper for my answering machine.

Why didn't I get a bleeper with my machine then? Because I have to keep in

constant touch with my office.

Listen. Hi.

This is the Daily Workout.

Daily Workout? I'm afraid no one's here. I've been running an ad for three weeks

and the response is terrific, Terry. This keeps fit like it's Monica O

Here we go.

Another client.

Are we going to see Daddy later?

We'll see, darling, maybe.

Winchester Club.

Hello, Dave. Is that you on a machine?

It's me, Arthur, live.

Any messages?

Yeah, Arthur.

About that tape you put in my machine.

Yeah? It seems to have got a lot of Harry Seacombe on it.

Oh, that's all right, Dave. I bought the job a lot. The tape's all right. He's a

good singer, isn't he? Look, I've got to dash now, Dave. I'll talk to you about

the machine later. Come on, Arthur. I mean, come on.

Dear, oh, dear.

That Dave, he worries about everything, doesn't he?

Hard life, isn't it?

Oh, enjoy the workout, Mike.

The only thing we've got to work out is what we're going to tell the punters.

Well, that's easy.

You just say something like, look at me, I've got like this for doing a daily

workout.

You'd better hide in a cupboard then.

Well, nature will go today.

Were you supposed to go on it?

Yes.

I'm sorry.

Don't mess with Mummy.

Two, three, and four. And up.

Two, three, and four. Very good, ladies. Keep going.

Let's do the workout.

Come on, girls. Don't stand.

Come on, ladies.

Hello. Can I speak to Johnny Pizzelli, please?

Johnny Pizzelli?

Uh, Mr. Pet, Shelley's not back permanently until this afternoon.

Oi, oi. Is this a private course?

Don't you shush me.

What's it about?

Well, it's personal, really.

Oh. Now, the thing is, you don't know me, you see. My name's Terry McCann.

Now, what time will he be back?

Five, six.

Now, come on, is he mine? He's not yours. So, will you tell him I'll be in

touch, all right?

Yeah, thanks a lot.

Want your chair or something? Yes.

There you go.

And pee for a phone call, right?

And I want a receipt.

I'm certain of this.

But I'd have to charge you B .I .T.

If only she'd phone.

Let me know they're all right.

That's pretty inconsiderate, that.

Yeah, it's typical.

She thinks of herself and that's it.

Bitch.

Selfish. Boiled brat.

So the marriage is pretty well on the rocks, then?

Oh, did I give you that impression?

Oh, well, I was just wondering if you considered marriage guidance.

I'd need a guide to find her.

Two white sticks and a couple of dugs.

Well, things have been brought back to the brink before.

Do you remember Tom McCall?

That's what he felt when we were brick.

Firm friends now.

Aye. It addled his brain.

I was wondering...

This direction and this map, Roddy.

No.

It's that way.

Come that way down here.

There's them turning into the Mancini house, right? This big sign saying

Garden. You can't miss it.

I don't want anybody hurt.

They'll no get hurt.

I meant them, you tube.

I want them upset a little bit.

Let them know I mean business.

Say no what?

What do they like, these folk?

I'm very good at giving sons -in -law advice.

I didn't marry a girl.

I married a family.

It probably meant well.

I know that.

I used to get my ear bent every Sunday lunchtime when I went round there.

Spaghetti, bolognese and advice.

You know what I mean?

I could have taken from them, you know.

I could have had anything I wanted for Laura and me.

Why didn't you? I didn't want to spend the rest of my life being reminded of

grateful I ought to be for them helping me.

Better to be poor and your own man than a slave of wealth.

Che Guevara.

Eh?

Was he married?

Eh?

Married Che Guevara?

No, Nicole.

Divorce can be pretty quick these days.

Go back and join yourself in daytime.

Down the pub.

Get with that. Couple of babies with the boys.

Sounds very exciting.

Well, you know, pull the ear off that, Doug.

Sorry.

What a nice wee fellow, isn't he?

Wait here, darling.

didn't have was a choice.

Oh, yes, dear.

Is Johnny back?

Oh, you Maureen?

No.

Oh, er... Who is it?

It's a lady.

Oh, I'll have one.

Oh.

Er, Rick, I'll give everybody a drink, will you? I'll be with you in a minute.

Laura? Hello, Johnny.

Hello, darling.

How are you?

Oh, she's pretty.

You're all back together again, then, are you?

No.

Oh.

Yeah, Rico, me and the others, we were just going out with sportsmen.

You know, spot a dinner and then later a dance, a few laughs.

Back here for the witching hour.

Nice.

You're just off to see your mum and dad, are you? I think you know I'm not.

No.

Oh, well, yeah, I heard she got the ump, you know, when she found out he was

going with me.

You disappeared for a bit, didn't you?

Didn't call.

New car?

Yeah. Watch your sticky fingers, darling.

You must be doing very well.

Yeah, well, made the right connections in Italy.

Going to supply the mafia with fruit and veg.

Oh, that's nice, isn't it?

Really coming over Mancini now, ain't we?

Let me tell you something, darling. I'll buy and sell your mob before I'm done.

I've got plans, girl.

Hello, love.

Hello, Johnny.

Oh, that's very tasty.

Come on in.

Oh, Maureen. This is Laura. Laura Maureen. Hello. Hello.

You go inside, darling.

Rico'll give you a drink. He's a bundle of laughs. You'll love him. See you in a

minute. OK.

You want something, Laura?

Why did you tell everyone you'd been seeing me?

Who says I did?

I thought we were going to be friends.

Just have fun, nothing heavy.

We did.

Yeah, so why start bragging about having a thing with Joe Mancini's daughter,

eh?

You know you didn't sleep with me, so I make out you did.

Oh, that's typical of your lot, isn't it?

You really think I want to waste my time pulling a stunt like that? Yes, I do.

Mancini's. Think you're kings of the heap, don't you?

Don't you think you're important, eh?

Not me.

I'm nobody now.

Thanks for your help, Johnny.

Oi, Johnny, do we need any more fertilizer?

No.

Oh, another finger.

Terry McCann bloke phoned.

Terry's never with you, is he?

He might be.

Who is he?

Well, I don't know. He said it was personal.

He said he'd be in touch later.

What's he do, this McCann?

He's a minder.

Bodyguard. He's a what?

Who for?

I don't know.

The Godfather.

Yeah, you bite your tongue, girl.

I'll sort him out.

Oh, God, you'll end up in a straight jacket one day.

One day, not bad, girls. Three sessions, all full.

How much do you think we made, Arthur?

Oh, well, it isn't all that actual amount in the bin, you know, but, I

when it takes off, as I'm sure it will, you will be on a percentage as promised.

But, look, if today's sessions were full, how much did we take, then? Look,

I say this first, please?

We must have more technical chat. We really must.

I mean, we completely forgot about our resting heart rate, didn't we? And the

fact that Bjorn Bjorn was not one of 38.

I mean, that is very important.

I mean, that is the kind of pattern that can make or break an operation like

this. Do you understand, girls?

Yeah. Bye -bye. Go carefully.

Bye -bye.

Hello, Uncle Terry.

Hello, Princess. How are you?

I'm sorry, Terry.

I've been looking all over the place for you. Come on.

I promise we won't stay long. Oh, don't say that.

Much more than this, we'll do it our way.

For what is a man?

What has he got?

If not himself, then he has not.

We took the blows And did it all

away Are you

familiar with the saying, if a job's worth doing, it's worth doing well,

Uh -huh.

Although we face the final curtain.

But I've got a case. A case of

which I'm certain.

Well, life will be better than this.

Not in a shy way.

Oh no, much more than this.

We did it hard.

Do you think that'll upset them enough, Alex?

Oh, yeah.

I think I should do it, William.

I don't believe you'd go. Not just like that. No, nor did I.

But who knows anybody?

We were good at making our marriage look right in front of our friends.

That's about all we were good at in the end.

We were so unhappy together.

Five years is a long time to take getting nowhere.

Maybe Roddy's right.

He said I was a spoiled brat who was brought up to expect too much from life.

Not the Laura I know.

No.

And the man who said it wasn't the Roddy I married.

My teddy's only got one arm.

How'd that happen, then?

He's very old.

Well, I'm ever so old, but I've got two arms.

But how'd he lose it, then?

I heard a big pussycat took it away.

Uncle Terry...

Will you look after him for the night?

Of course I will, darling.

No, no, sleep well.

Go to sleep now.

Hello. Oh,

hello.

Good evening.

Good evening, Lord Bagel.

I'm never going to stay awake.

Sorry, you seem to do the job.

You and your bright ideas, Rod.

Janice and Louise, could you come over to the table?

I think they need you.

See a greenhouse, Joe?

That's just to let you know I mean business.

If you call the police, I'll deny this conversation took place.

My greenhouse is very well.

Thank you for calling, Roddy. You're welcome.

Who was that?

The crazy man.

He wants to know if we can see our greenhouses.

So Mr. McCann, a bodyguard, said he'd be in touch, eh?

Said it was personal, did he?

Eh?

I'm where the hell were you?

Arthur Daly.

Oh, well, Johnny Petsley.

It's about a minder, McCann.

Terry.

Wouldn't have thought you had any need for him.

Oh, I need him.

You want to hire Terry for what, exactly? I mean, as a bearing on a fee.

Bit of sweeping up, bit of woodwork.

General repairs, you know.

On a greenhouse.

Oh, no, no, Terry's no good around the house or being in a greenhouse.

Good at demolition, though, isn't he?

Eh? You know, you're quite a well -known face, this side of the river.

Well, Rico.

It only took me just over half a morning to check up on you and your boy,

McCann. Check up on us? What is it? Where is he?

Oh, I haven't seen him for weeks. I mean, you don't exactly work for me.

Oh, I see.

Arthur.

Are you fond of that mirror?

Oh, no.

What's going on?

Where does he live? I don't know. I want it.

Rico, he lives... No, no, not another mirror.

I think I might be able to find his address.

I mean, I've got his address.

It's still here.

You won't have too much lunch, will you? Because it's definite we won't be able

to carry you then.

There's Grandad.

Give us a kiss.

Be good.

Say bye -bye to Teddy.

Certainly.

Ta -ra, Ted.

You'll look after that old arm, won't you?

Thanks a lot, Terry.

Good luck.

That's right, baby.

Correct those unwanted wrinkles away.

And bow,

and bow, and bow, and bow.

Good job.

Didn't you get your unwanted wrinkles smoothed out? Where are you being?

Our mission of mercy. Hello.

You're going to need some mercy. There's been three geezers here looking for

you. Only smashed one of my big mirrors.

Who were they? A couple of high -ties and a tame dog.

I wanted

to

talk about Laura Allen. He wasn't in.

You saw he was looking for me? Yes.

He's a big barmy, Johnny.

Big kid, really.

He thinks he wants to be a gambler, but he doesn't know how to get started.

Well, vandalism is all right for a start. I'll tell you what, it's got to

mix -up, hasn't it?

He grows dope in some of them greenhouses.

Dope? Yeah.

Showed me once.

Yeah, well, never mind about all that. What about my mirror?

Well, don't, no, no, no. Get Chisholm on the plot.

Chisholm? Detective in me.

Detective. He couldn't find his back pocket with both hands. Do you know what

one of them mirrors cost? All right, all right, all right.

Where are you going?

I'm going to make a phone call, if that's all right.

Who to?

That's Sally. I'm going to sort it out, aren't I? Get him to take your mirror.

No, he won't be there.

Yet.

How would you know that?

Pardon?

Have I got to pull SP on these three geezers? They were not reasonable men,

Terry. I mean, they got hold of me. It was you they wanted. I mean, I had a go.

You know me.

But... But it was you they wanted to get hold of, not me.

And you told them that? Oh, no, no, they had me. You didn't give them my

address, did you? No, no, no.

Did you?

Yeah.

You... Yeah.

recorded message.

I'm out.

Johnny Petsell here.

Just returning your call, Mr. McCann. You break my windows, I'll break yours.

Don't call again, because next time it'll be your legs.

That's it, girls. That's great.

Yes, lovely. But you can do more. You want to go over and you want to feel

burn I was talking about, all right? You want to really feel it.

Wait, Jerry.

Can you come with me? I need to get your coat. Come on.

I'll see you later.

Jerry!

After three minutes' rest, ladies, to restore your R .H .R. to normal.

Do you know one of your... Louise!

And you say he grows this stuff?

Yeah, he grows it in one of his greenhouses away from the house.

Everybody knows about it.

But the only people who don't know are the drug squad.

Great job, boys.

Just great.

Wrong greenhouse.

Hey, there was nothing malicious meant, Roddy.

It was a genuine mistake.

Shall we do the right one now we know? No!

Your balloon's a perry!

Mama, come, come.

It's okay.

Hello, Mama.

Hello,

darling.

Hello, Maria.

How are you, dear?

Dog

got

your tongue?

Cat, huh?

Mama, I'm sorry.

Thank God for them.

Even that water's calm.

It is.

Are they going in after all?

Aye.

Go on, then.

Today we sold everything out.

Oh, no.

Oh,

Dad. You want a little drink?

Yes, you hungry?

Hello.

Have you seen Laura by any chance?

Roddy, please.

There isn't going to be any trouble. Just let me take my daughter and I'll be

my way. No, this whole thing has gone too far.

If you step into my house, you step into dog and not the fight.

Please, Roddy.

You're not going to soft -soap me and get your own way. Nobody is soaping you.

This is your life as a mother.

You are our children and we love you.

Daddy, daddy.

Have you been here all the time?

No. Where did you go?

Where did you go? I stayed at a friend's flat for a few days.

I went to Julia's the other day. You'd moved out. I only stayed a few days, I

said. Where were you the rest of the time?

Who were you with?

I was by myself.

You? You couldn't spend five minutes by yourself.

I know.

I was frightened.

I spent five weeks by myself.

Oh, Laura.

Have fun?

No.

Enjoy being free of it?

No. What about your boyfriend?

He isn't. He never was.

I don't believe that.

I don't expect you to.

You haven't got the imagination.

You're so right all the time, so puritanical.

Wives are people too, you know.

I think we should get the divorce over as quickly as possible.

Okay, fine.

Fine?

Fine? You in a hurry to get to somebody else, are you?

It's all right, son.

It's all right.

It's all right.

Now look what you've done.

I didn't... What are you two, huh?

You want to hurt each other, that's fine.

But don't do it to a little child.

Okay.

You want a bad divorce, so be it.

That's what you want.

You just agreed.

I haven't got a choice.

You've got a choice.

Say what you want.

Go on. Stop challenging me, Roddy. Well, say something.

What do you want? I don't want a divorce.

I want us to be together, but not the way it was, not like before. I couldn't

stand that. Don't you start making demands.

God, I can't talk to you.

That's right, wait until I get hysterical.

I just can't.

God!

It's all right, darling.

Mummy and Daddy are just... Just what?

Just what are Mummy and Daddy doing, hmm?

They're baby ones at the moment.

Yeah?

We'll have some of that.

Listen, you needn't get involved in all this, you know.

Just stay out of sight.

I'll see you in the lane in about 20 minutes.

Hopefully. OK.

Pet Selly!

I'm McCann. I got your message.

Yeah, and I got yours.

Do you grow that?

Oh, don't get cute with me, McCann.

and go tell whoever it was sending you that I'm not moving, I'm not selling,

I'm not scared.

Well, now we all know what you ain't, I'm going to tell you what you are.

stupid. I had nothing to do with that.

And the only reason I phoned you was to find out where Laura Allen was.

So because of all that, you smashed up my gaff.

So now, son, you're going to have to pay for it.

Oh, yeah?

How are you going to make me do that?

Well, I'm no grass, but, uh... This is.

Now, if you don't pay up, I'm going to tell the drug squad about this.

And I'm going to tell the robbery squad about my flat.

And if you don't hurry up, Johnny, I might even wash the interior of

your motor.

You know, hold it. I only borrowed that.

You what?

Shut up.

You didn't do that.

I would have done all the greenhouses, son.

I think 500 will settle my damages.

500?

Yeah. All right, all right, all right.

500. Just lay off with the water, will you?

Grazie.

Wait, come on.

Come on.

You all right?

Yeah.

Oh, my good God.

Put your seatbelt on.

Quick.

Morning. Morning.

We were just wondering if you needed any odd jobs down about the place.

I'm a glazier to trade.

A glacier.

Better have a carpenter.

A carpenter.

Hello, Terry. This is me.

Get over the Elf Club as soon as you can. We've had the Elf Inspector in.

We've got to have new loos, new drains, a fire escape and bigger windows.

And we can't have the public in until it's all done.

So get over and take them rubber mats back.

Message ends.

Thanking you. Oh, Terry.

I've been talking to your answering machine. Yeah, they're good, aren't

Me and Elf have parted.

I'm going to concentrate on these now. Now, what about it, Dave?

Well, a machine?

Yeah. Very see -go. No, no, no, don't worry about that. I'll give you another

tape.

Half a lager?

You buying?

Because I thought I might get them in. No, no, no.

I'll come. No.

I'll... Well, you see, as we godfathers say, the meek shall inherit the earth.

Did anyone say when?

I'll change the situation.

Right people, right time, just the wrong location.

I've got a good idea.

Just you keep me near. I'll be so good for you.

I could be so good for you.

I'm gonna help you. Love you like you want.

I'll be so good for you. I'll do it like you want me to.