Original subtitles

Love you like you want me to.

I can be so good for you.

Love you like you want me to.

Benji!

I'm going to sit right down and write myself a letter.

And make believe it ain't wrong.

Hey!

Hey!

You want me to ring the doorbell for you, no?

Arthur told me you was a driver. He didn't mention nothing about you being a

comedian. Huh?

Well, it's all part of the service, Mickey. Oh, is that right? Yep.

Listen, son, you are temporary round here. Don't you forget it. Don't you

taking liberties.

And another thing.

When I'm in the back and you're in the front steering, it's Mr Metcalfe, right?

Mr Metcalfe, right.

Probably gone out.

All right, Mickey.

Keep your little knickers on.

Mickey.

Hello?

Come on, Susie, it's me.

Who's me?

Don't know any me.

Yeah,

you've been invited somewhere.

Well, no, I suppose not, no.

No, you're dead right.

Listen, you take a turn on the block, come back in 20 minutes.

You ain't got 20 minutes in you, son.

Susie?

Where are you?

I laid odds with my bookie this afternoon that you wouldn't be ready.

Don't disappoint me, will you?

Mickey. As if I'd do a thing like that.

Oi. Hello, Eddie.

Oh, come on.

It's me, isn't it?

I haven't got that old, have I?

Hello, Terry.

What are you doing here?

Well, if I had a big blue hat, I'd ask you the same thing. You're not nicking

that, are you?

Would I bother?

No, I suppose not, no.

Better, I'll just buy you a foot there.

Oh, yeah.

You gave me a start, that's all.

You ain't doing too bad, are you?

What is? No, no, no. I'm just driving the geezer around in it for a couple of

days, that's all. Mate of ours.

Listen, I've got to move.

I've got a pick coming up.

You still drinking in the same places?

Yeah, more or less, yeah.

All right.

I'll sort you out.

We'll have a few, yeah?

Yeah, nice one. Yeah, mind how you go, eh?

See you, Derek.

See you, mate.

There's going to be a lot of big people there tonight, doll.

Pop stars, all that rubbish.

Oliver Reed might even take a look in.

So listen, I want you to make them cross -eyed.

I want to go in there feeling like Napoleon with Josephine on his arm.

Or Clark Gable with Scarlet... What's it?

Scarlet... Eva?

What? You can't be Clark Gable and Napoleon.

Unless you're going fancy dress.

Do my zip -up for me, would you? Yes.

Wow.

You know what I mean, don't you?

I wouldn't look at me and think, oh, that Mickey the Fishy's a lucky bastard.

Cos that's the way I feel when I'm with you.

They're more likely to wonder where your wife is, don't you think? Where is she,

anyway?

She's in Yorkshire. Don't worry about it. I don't.

What's she doing there?

Potholing without a guidebook, I hope.

She's got relatives up there, hundreds of them. She does a sort of a grand tour

on my checkbook.

You're a generous man, Mickey.

Yeah, I know.

That's why I want to treat myself tonight.

So, listen, you put on all the good stuff, Susie, eh? All the sparklers, the

earrings, you know what I mean? You put them on.

It's nice to hear it the other way round, for a change.

Here.

What do you mean, the other way round?

What's wrong?

They're not here. It's all gone.

Gone? What do you mean, gone?

My jewellery. My necklace and everything.

Well, I mean, it was in that box and it's gone.

You say it's been stolen?

All that stuff I gave it? Are you trying to tell me it's been nicked?

No, Mickey.

I had it on toast for breakfast.

Look, it was in that box this afternoon and it's not there now, is it?

Who's been there?

Nobody's been here.

And I haven't been out and that's the truth.

Well, if that's the truth, where are they?

It's like Fort Knox here, you know. You can't just stroll in.

I mean, what happened? They flying out the window, did they?

Nobody would climb up that, would they?

They couldn't.

Some people would do anything, sweetheart, believe me.

I've been robbed.

I've been robbed!

Robbed? What do you mean, robbed?

You know, robbed.

Deprived or plundered.

Burgle, go away. No thief in his right mind would rob Mickey the fish.

He'd be better trying to breathe underwater.

What, that lovely house of his?

No, no, it was his bird's place, as it happened.

I'd just dropped him off there. He told me to go around the block a few times.

When I come back, there's old Bill all over the place.

I thought they'd come for him. What, Mickey?

Never. He's not called a fish for nothing.

He's slipped out of more trouble than you've had left hooks.

Well, well, well.

All I can say is I hope whoever did it has got his affairs in order.

Yeah, it's not too bright a prospect, is it? No, it's not.

Kerry, say that again, would you?

Look me in the eye and say that again.

A very funny feeling come over me just then.

Yeah, well, it was probably one of your past lives going by. Never mind that,

and don't prevaricate.

I asked you a question.

No, you didn't.

You asked me to look you in the eye, which is almost impossible, because they

never stop sliding about, do they? Stop all that. I want to know, were you

concerned in this burglary or not? Come on, own up. I am not harbouring a thief

on the premises.

Leave off.

You'd be doing that if you were here on your own.

Yeah, I know you.

You can get very crafty when there's a tart involved.

With your sexual parenthesis, you're very easily led.

What's this bint look like, anyway?

Listen, you, I did not burgle Mickie the fish, right?

I didn't rub him.

I'd have got a shrewd idea who might have, though. Eh?

Eh. Who?

Well, we don't know, do we? But... Well, I was poodling around just waiting,

right? Not a million miles from the scene of the crime, I saw Eddie

He was as jumpy as a rabbit. Took off like one and all. Eddie Venables?

Sounds like a plate of food.

Who's he?

I shared a pizza with him for a while.

He was in for burglary.

He could climb anything he could.

Mind you, he did it half the time for fun. You know, like a rock climber.

nice, isn't it?

While you're chauffeuring Mickley around under my personal representation.

One of your old college friends is stealing his valuables. I didn't say

definite, did I? I do not think this reflects very well, Terence.

Hello?

Yes, speaking.

What?

Who is that?

Oh, hello, Mr Maccabwe.

Your policy?

Yeah, well, you've got 60 days on your cover note, so you're not doing too bad,

are you?

No, not at all, Mr Maccabwe.

Now, thanks for calling. Keep in touch. Bye -bye.

Now, look, Terry.

What's the worst about policies and cover notes, eh?

Put that down. That is confidential information.

Hold on, hold on.

Carl Shaw's proposal for Clam Assurance Limited.

Who do you ask Clam Assurance when they're at home, then? A very

company in the Channel Islands.

Clam, see?

It's a cross between Pearl and Shell, isn't it?

Not that I expect you to understand that.

Well, I knew it had to be a cross if you're involved.

Here. You're not starting your own insurance company, are you? Oh, dear.

Debbie Matthews rides at Lloyd's. I am a fully appointed agent.

A very good friend of mine has got this nice little company in Jersey.

And what were my connections in the motor trade?

Oh, yeah.

What is it, all these moocables and what have you, desperate to get on the road

again, eh?

Got a little bit of D &D, eh? Drink and drive they don't want to own up to. It

is all above board.

I'm giving my customers a service.

Come out here.

There you are. Look, insurance arranged.

Would I put that up if it was anything less than legal?

Legal, maybe.

But what do you get if you claim on it, eh?

A paper bag to pick up the bits.

Or a nice postcard from Jersey saying, sorry, the firm's gone bust.

There's legal and legal, isn't there? Yeah, but that's nothing to do with me,

it? I mean, I'm just an agent. It's like a sort of commissioning situation,

isn't it? I mean, I'm not saying they'll get satisfaction by return of... Where

are you going?

I want to hear all about this business with Mickey the Fish.

Yeah, and I want to get this back to him before one of your commissions hits it.

Is that enough problems this morning? Well, hang on, hang on just a second.

hang on, just hang on.

So, from what you've told us, Miss, it would seem that this death -defying

could only have been done while you were otherwise engaged in the bathroom and

while Mickey here was on his way over on the wings of love, so to speak.

It's Mr Metcalf to you, Chisholm. Is it?

Oh, thanks very much, Mickey. I'll try and remember that. Well...

Yes, that's right.

Hamster, are you getting this? I don't like the sound of this.

Yes, Mickey.

What Sergeant Chisholm is implying in those words is that he thinks there's

for speculation as to whether any robbery actually took place last night.

Oh, well, let's just say that at this point in time, I'm a little sceptical.

I mean, what have we got here?

Flasto's answer to Don Corleone claiming he's been turned over by Spider -Man.

An occupied flat.

A few scuff marks on a very improbable window ledge, well... Yeah, and 30 grand

of my Tom gone missing.

Well heard, Tom, but I paid for it, and if I didn't need you for the insurance

claim, you wouldn't be here.

I'd have the bastard hanging by his ears in 48 hours.

Mickey, not in front of the knife policeman.

Perhaps you could continue your inquiries elsewhere, Sergeant. I think

everything here, in duplicate.

Well, for the moment, yes.

No doubt we'll be in touch again.

Just one thing. What is a well -brought -up girl like you doing in a place like

this?

Everything you dream about, Sergeant.

Yes? Hello, it's Terry McCann here, Mr Metcalf's driver.

Yes, come up.

Oh, dear, oh, dear, oh, dear.

The plot sickens. What are you doing here, McCain?

I was just going to ask you the same thing. We're investigating a fuel

on the premises.

That's what policemen do, see?

Really? Yeah, really.

Not that you'd know anything about it, would you?

As a matter of fact, I spent two hours with the blood last night.

Now, if you read your station notes that late policemen are supposed to do,

you'd know that, wouldn't you?

It was down to you. What's he talking about?

Well, they weren't all in when I read them, like. Mum was.

I was in early.

No, you were not. Oh, come on, I ain't Mr. Mr. Clean Boy.

Look, I didn't do it. I didn't see anything.

I didn't even park on double yellow lines. Oh, very good, Terry. Very

No doubt you'd like to enlarge upon that at some later stage.

Do you know where I am?

Yuck it up.

Yes, I turn up, don't I?

Terry McCann working for Metcalfe. And Metcalfe being robbed all of a sudden?

Why do you make all that there, eh?

Nothing.

I've got something you're reading to catch up on first.

You know, just in case Lord Luke and Etna dropped me last night, you haven't

told me about it yet.

Hello, I'm Terry.

Sorry to keep you hanging about. I bumped into the old bill on their way

They've been here half the morning.

Come in.

You're new, aren't you?

I wouldn't say new exactly, no.

I mean, I haven't seen you before.

Oh, no, I don't normally work for Mickey, no. No, I'm just driving him

other fella takes his wife to...

It's all right. I know about the wife.

I'm a very understanding woman.

Sorry about your jewellery.

It's hardly mine.

I just took it for walks.

Mickey's rather upset about it, though.

Mind you, he did pay for it.

All right? I mean, you heard that, little oik hamster.

I don't even believe the gaff's been done over.

They think I'm putting a bleeding stroke here.

I'm afraid you did rather lend credence to his scepticism, Mickey, when you made

him aware of our insurance claims.

I thought that was a bit premature.

Well, if they know all about that, so what?

The point is, what are they going to do about it?

Nothing. And I've been robbed.

Some tow rag out there's robbed me.

Well, I want him, hamster. I want him.

I want his knuckles in a bag for this one. I want everyone out there looking

him. Yeah, I see what you mean.

Not exactly taking it lying down, is he? Everybody we know.

What can tonic, Dave?

When you got a moment?

Don't let me interrupt nothing, Dave.

I'm only a patron.

You could hang your hat on one of them.

You're early.

What's up?

Capital isn't doing a bit of slack out there this morning. Slack?

If it gets any slacker, I'll have her indoors taking in washing.

Not that she'd be any good at it, mind you.

You must be down to your last five grand now.

What, that?

That should be a floating currency.

Till fodder for the likes of you.

Do you know, Dave, I haven't shifted a motor in three days.

Really? You'll be getting withdrawal symptoms.

Got a warehouse full of Peruvian leg warmers.

Peruvian leg warmers? Yeah, from China that nobody wants.

I've got that Terry on wages, running around getting mixed up in jewel

while I'm paying him.

I tell you, I don't know where to turn for so less. Yeah, hang about.

What is about a jewel robbery? I mean, Terry's not in trouble, is he? Trouble?

That boy is trouble.

Bane of my life.

I get him a nice number driving Mickey the fish, and what happens?

Mickey's tart gets relieved of her trinkets while young Lockingbar's

outside.

You got him driving for Metcalfe?

Blimey, you're not fussy who you rent him out to, are you?

No, there's nothing wrong with Mickey.

Respectable businessman.

Limited companies, donations to the Tory party.

He's come a long way.

So it's not going to do my standing much good with him as a man of references,

is it?

I mean, Terry's my boy. I've got my reputation to consider.

Hardly a place of safekeeping for such valuable items, is it, miss?

Couldn't you have locked him away?

I wasn't expecting burglars.

And I've been through all this with the police.

I'm not quite sure, Mr Harvick, quite how you fit into all this.

You seem remarkably like another policeman to me.

That's probably because I was a policeman, miss.

I work at the lockage after these days.

Insurance company call me in, make sure everything's above board.

No alarm systems, I think.

I would have screamed when I didn't get the chance.

Hardly the kind of thing, though, is it?

Mr Metcalfe arrived shortly afterwards, I understand.

Yes, he did.

On his own, was he?

No other witness?

Yeah. He came up alone. There was a driver waiting for him downstairs.

I think the police have spoken to him.

Yes.

And the middle of the world.

One of Mr Metzcar's loyal servants, I imagine.

No, a relief driver.

A very pleasant person called Terry McCann.

30 grand.

30 grand.

Mickey spent 30 grand on a bird.

It's just that here.

But there's nothing here about Terry loitering with intent, so you can

again, Arthur.

Well, I'm just thinking about what's best for him.

I mean, with his record, he can't afford to get besmirched with that sort of

skullduggery. I see it is his reputation now, eh?

Well, I wouldn't fret, Arthur.

With Mickey's form, he'll probably find out Geezer himself, chop his fingers

off, and then turn him in for the reward.

Eh?

What reward?

Well, bear with me now.

Well, that sort of price tag.

The insurance company's going to offer a reward for recovery.

Oh, yeah, yeah, I know.

That would be quite a tidy little sum, wouldn't it?

Yeah, about twice as much as you've got in your wallet at the moment, I'd say.

Stick another one in there, will you, Dave? Make it a big one.

Who could pull something like this?

Fine a bimbos we use could do that.

That's because random cat burglary isn't exactly our modus operandi, is it,

Mickey?

As a form of non -taxable income, that went out with raffles.

Yeah.

I mean, that's the trouble with making it big, isn't it?

You lose touch.

I hardly know any villains anymore, except the business kind.

Here.

You're a bit of a ducker and diver, ain't you, McCann, eh?

Daily's boy and all that.

You got any ideas?

Me?

Nah.

Nah, it's not my style, is it?

I suggested there was more possibility from the other end of the spectrum

myself.

If they don't realise the profit, it follows that whoever stole it has to

it.

Well, that's terrific. So where's that lever?

The jewellery of this value?

I'd say that only Kettle was bound to be offered it.

At some stage.

That is a very good point you've got there, sir.

Come on, let's find him right away.

Hello.

Good afternoon.

Can I help you? Good afternoon. My name is Daly, Arthur Daly.

My card.

London -based representative of Clam Assurances Limited.

Oh, yes. What is it, then?

It's a policy matter.

I'd like to have a word in Mr. Mandeville -Singer's ear about it.

Which one?

Well, um... Does it matter?

To the Mr. Mandeville and the Mr. Singer. Whose ear would you like?

Oh, I thought you meant Mutt and Jeff, you know.

Well, as they're both in, I'll leave it to you, dear.

If you'd like to wait here a minute, see if someone can help you.

Mr... Daly. Arthur Daly.

London -based representative of the...

Very unusual, this.

I haven't seen him take anything to heart like this since his brother was

Oh, yeah, I remember that, yeah.

Most people reckoned he did it, didn't they?

Ernie.

Listen, Ernie.

I wouldn't trail you out to this wilderness unless it was important, now,

I? Now, all you've got to do is you've got to put out some feelers, that's all.

Excuse me.

Oh, come back on me.

No involvement.

I can do without publicity, you know that.

Son, I've got my membership to think about.

Last thing Bing Crosby ever did.

What?

Swing a golf club.

Then he passed away.

On the spot.

Look, nobody's going to finger you for it, Ernie, are they? I mean, this isn't

gang warfare.

Just some little nerd trying to put one over on me. Well, I can't have that.

I can see that.

Wouldn't do your community relations any good, would it?

Turn the flag for us, would you?

He'd make a good little caddy, wouldn't he?

He's got a figure for it.

Good putt, eh? Yeah, it's very good.

Don't! Don't!

Don't! Just ask me for a favour, all right?

Anyone who comes up with that, Tom, you call me.

Unless you want to learn to play one -handed.

I hope you can hear me down there.

Mickey, you know I wouldn't say no to you.

Mickey! Looks like Mickey's talked him into it, doesn't he?

He generally finds a way.

Ah, Mr Daly.

Richard Mandeville. Nice to meet you, Richard.

You sit down, might you?

Miss Evans said something about you being in insurance.

Yes, that's right.

Nothing, of course, with your obvious affiliations, but we do all right.

Most of my stuff goes overseas.

Really? Middle East, I expect?

Well, offshore, rather, than overseas.

Jersey, to be exact.

Well, if it is a tax relief problem, we might be able to arrange some policies

for your Jersey company.

The premiums will be largely down to you, of course.

What, er...

What kind of indemnity are we talking about, Mr Daly? Oh, no, no, no, I don't

want any cover.

No, no, I don't want to buy anything.

No, no, what I want is an official clarification on a reward situation in

event of another insurance loss coming to light.

Insurance loss?

No, I'm sorry, I don't follow you. What insurance loss?

Well, look, supposing, for the sake of argument, 30 grand... A lot of jewellery

goes missing.

Burgled, say.

And a third party innocently comes into the knowledge of its whereabouts.

Now, would third party cop for the 10 % on a middleman situation for bringing

the other two parties together?

I mean, is that a reasonable proposition?

Or what?

Hello, Morris.

Eddie Venables.

Hello, Eddie. How are you keeping? All right?

I'm OK. How are you?

Not bad. What can I do for you?

You've got ten minutes to have a look at something for me.

That's reduced to 375.

Yeah, come on round now.

Well, I don't really know what to say, Mr. Daly. My experience, insurance

companies don't overtly make a practice of offering rewards. They'd be open to

all kinds of malpractice.

But in a bona fide case, perhaps.

Oh, it's bona fide. Stand on me. It's just a matter of persuading certain

factions to see your light.

Now, you weighed in with the paperwork for a reasonable fee, naturally.

May I ask what prompted you to come to me? I'm a broker.

Of course you are. I can see that. Top man.

Well, I'm not going to go straight to the law, am I? I mean, I'm treading on

very delicate ground here.

Yes, I don't doubt that.

And the man to handle this would be the loss adjuster working for the company

concerned.

As I've said, I'm a broker.

Hang about, hang about.

Are you saying that you are not competent to deal with this matter?

I mean, it seemed to me you were au fait a moment ago.

I'm just not competent to deal with this conversation anymore, Mr Daly.

You're in the wrong place, for whatever scheme it is that you have in mind, and

you're most certainly talking to the wrong man.

Now, would you mind leaving my office, please?

Yeah, well, we're both very busy men, so I won't take up any more of your time.

Shame we couldn't do business, Squire.

I suppose I couldn't interest you in vehicular insurance?

Good cover?

Rock -bottom rates? Any motor, you name it?

Door's over there, Mr Daly. Goodbye.

No?

All right. Good day, Dick.

Look, they are crying out for corrugated iron, so get out there and flog them

some.

Look, we'll have to phone you back, all right?

Go get yourself a plane ticket and pack your toothbrush.

Mr Harbert, Mickey.

He's the loss adjuster on the jewellery claim.

Says he'd like a word with you.

Oh, yeah?

What's up?

Nothing specific, Mr Metcalfe.

I'm not sure how the insurance company's going to feel about the security

arrangements on the premises, but that's for them to decide.

No, I was just curious about your choice of driver that night.

Terry McCann, wasn't it? So what's wrong with McCann?

I'm not saying there's anything wrong with him.

Kept his nose clean of late, we all know that.

But he did used to have some funny friends.

Arthur Daly, not least amongst them.

Is McCann about, by the way?

Well, I sent him down a car wash. He's going to pick... Are you trying to tell

me that Daly could have put him up for this?

Far be it from me to tell you anything, Mr Metcalfe.

But I should be looking at it from my end, and perhaps you ought to do the

I mean, a man like you being turned over by McCann and Daly...

hardly bears thinking about, does it?

You're not following me about, are you, Till? No, no, listen, I've got to talk

to you. It's important, mate. What about?

You don't want me to tell the street, do you? Get in. Come on.

Look, I'll see you in the boat later.

Catch me there. Eddie!

Hey! Eddie!

Eddie!

Here, Jim, thanks for that horse. I never got time to back it, of course.

Hello, hello.

I see the motor car trade has plunged deeper into recession.

Or is it your leg warmer mountain that is causing you to fret?

Spare me your mordant wit, Dave. I've had enough aggravation for one day.

a lot of it about you, now.

Hiya, Tal. How's tricks?

Oh, I'm all right. Yeah, I hear you're driving Mickey to fish.

That must be a bundle of fun.

Well, that'll be a moment.

Come on, come on. Get me on a jump. I'm gasping here.

Usual? Yeah. I think

your fairy

godfather wants a word with you.

No, he's got a bad neck, that's all.

He's having that head on top of it, isn't he?

We'll see you later. Cheers.

I'm glad you're here, is it, Hans?

I've got three days' money coming to me.

Don't worry about that.

I've been considering something far more remunerative for you.

I'll give him blood.

Now, never mind the rapier ripostes. I'm talking about four or five hundred

quid, your end.

How does that sound?

Suspicious.

All right, come on.

What's festering in that little tiny brain of yours?

I've just had a very good meeting with a broker friend of mine in the city.

And with my various contacts, I'm in a position to offer you a gentleman's

agreement about certain reward monies on offer.

What reward monies? I haven't done anything.

My point exactly.

You don't have to do anything. I mean, not physically.

All you've got to do is persuade your light -fingered mate to go for a cut of

the insurance reward, for a percentage of which I will tender my services as

middleman. We'll all be making money.

What do you take me for, eh?

Grass up, Eddie Venables.

Leave it out.

Did I say anything about grassing? Did I?

Listen, the only thing a third -party fire and theft mob are interested in is

getting back the baubles and not giving Mickey 30 Gs. Your friend Eddie was his

face. I mean, he can remain perfectly anonymous.

Don't be so bleeding stupid. Where do you get all this from?

Bank car monthly?

I'm in insurance, aren't I?

This is business, not a moral dilemma.

You do your bit.

I have a word with the loss adjuster. Money changes hands.

Mickey gets his jewellery back. What is wrong in that?

Well, nothing except that I don't know that Eddie was involved, do I?

And secondly, you can make solitary confinement sound reasonable if there's

few bob in it for you.

No. Look, I don't want you to make your mind up until you've thought about it

properly. Where are you going?

Well, you've always told me I'm easily led, haven't you?

I'm going to follow me nose.

Come back here and discuss it sensibly.

600.

What do you reckon it's worth, Murray?

All of it.

Hard to say.

20, 30 grand?

You've excelled yourself here, my boy. Like I said, too rich for my blood.

You could pass it on, though, couldn't you?

For a slice of it.

I can't hang on to it, Murray.

You must know someone.

Tell you what, leave it with me. I'll see what I can do. Where are you going

be? I'm meeting someone down the boat.

I'll probably stay there.

I hope we'll be all right with that. Know what I mean?

Don't you worry, my son. This isn't going anywhere.

I'll let you out.

I'm driving. You're what? It's private property. Give that back.

What's going on? Mr Metcalfe wants a word with him now.

Now, he ain't over that way. I'll take you to where he is. What is this? An

object of being kidnapped in broad daylight?

Who do you think you are?

South America?

Hello, love.

What are you doing here?

I wanted the car.

I said at the office you were having it cleaned, so here I am.

Well, you'd better jump in, then.

Where to, madam?

Up to you.

To be quite honest, it wasn't the car I wanted.

So this man Daly intimated that he knew the whereabouts of the jewellery, did

he, sir?

In a rather converse manner, yes.

As soon as he'd left the office, I thought I'd better telephone the police.

You'd be most helpful.

We won't trouble you again.

Just wait a minute, will you?

Now, what about a description or something?

Don't you want to know what he looked like? Oh, don't worry about that, sir.

I dare say we'll recognise him one way or another.

Eh, Jonesy?

Morris, do you want to come round and see what the wind's just blown in?

Yeah, looks like it.

Take it round and show it to me if you like.

Come on in, Arthur.

Come on in.

Vicky?

All right, Tucker, wait outside, will you?

Well, I'm glad you could make it, Arthur.

All in one piece, like.

Old Tucker there can get very heavy -handed.

Yeah, I know. I've got his fingerprints indented in my upper arm.

in the process of being shanghaied outside my own club.

I mean, it's a bit uncalled for, Mickey, isn't it? I am on the phone.

Yeah, well, I wanted it to be personal, Arthur.

Anyway, why don't you sit down, eh?

Oh.

Do you fancy a drink?

What do you like? Yeah, well, yeah, vodka, if you've got it.

My pleasure.

Oh.

Oh, very nice working conditions you've got here, Mickey.

Very tasteful. You've certainly come a long way since that old garage of yours,

haven't you? That's right.

I'll tell you one thing.

I didn't get this far by letting any old mug put one over on me.

Do you know what I mean? My sentiments exactly, Mickey. But you can't be too

careful these days. There are so many rogues around.

That's right.

Now, you take the case of that tomfoolery that got lifted from my tarts

Oh, very nasty business, that, Mickey. I told Terry to convey my sympathies as

soon as I heard...

Does that have any bearing on my presence here at all?

You got it in one, Arthur.

Because whoever did that has got me coming for them.

And if I find out that you and McKenna got your fingers sticky, I'll have them

chopped off and posted to you.

Do you follow me?

Oh, no, no, look, Mickey, you know I'd never countenance anything like that. I

mean, I'm a businessman like yourself.

I have standards.

Oh, yeah.

And what about that boy of yours? He used to be a bit flash not so long ago.

Terry? Never.

A bit of fisticuffs, perhaps, but I made him a bit simple, but not a tea leaf.

I mean, I wouldn't have him on my staff. All right, all right, but don't forget

what I said, will you?

Cos if I find out you've been lying, I'll put your toes in the envelope and

I wasn't sure we should do this till we did it.

Why shouldn't we?

Mickey doesn't own me.

Does anyone own you?

Oh, well, that's a bit of a long story, really.

How do you get involved with a geezer like Mickey, eh?

I mean, he's hardly eaten in Harrow, is he?

No.

He's more Brixton and Parker.

Came to the studio to watch a film being made that I had a part in.

They wanted him to put money into it.

He was so horrible.

I rather liked him.

Still do.

I don't know what you mean.

Arthur?

Mr. Chisholm?

You're facing the wrong way from Mecca.

No, I was just...

Checking the tyre wear on this model.

Well, feel free to browse around if you want to. I'm just off.

No, we're not browsing, Arthur. We're pursuing our inquiries, even as we

Oh, really? Well, anything I can do to help? You know me. Aye, yes, we do.

And so does Mr Mandeville.

Eh? Who?

Who's he? You remember him, Arthur. You stuck a dead rat under his nose and he

smelt it.

We're going silent. Do you want to get arrested out here?

Arrested? What?

Mickey's serious about catching this burglar, isn't he?

Yes, I suppose so.

Why do you ask?

Well, I saw him playing golf with, uh, some poor sod's fingers.

Don't tell me about it, all right?

That's what you guys do to each other.

No, no, I've seen worse.

Only this bloke was supposed to be a mate of his.

That's how he makes friends.

And influences people.

Mickey was only angry that someone spoiled his evening.

Give him a couple of days, he'll be raging about something else.

Yeah, unless he finds a bloke first.

Listen, when we leave here, do you mind getting a cab?

I've got to do a bit of running around before I pick up Mickey. Is that all

right? All right.

As long as I don't have to go right next minute.

Oh, no.

Good.

We'll have one for the road.

I told you that was a perfectly innocent inquiry.

You can't apprehend a man for that.

Arthur, the last time you made an innocent inquiry, you were still waiting

your teeth to come through.

so that you could start lying through them. I resent that. How did you find

so much about this robbery, then, eh? On your Ouija board, was it? I read it in

the papers.

Like half the literate populace of London.

When are you going to start harassing them? When they start sniffing round for

insurance rewards.

Which is what you were doing.

On a purely academic level.

Like I said, to clarify a point of interest.

All you know about it is what you read in the papers.

On my life, Mr Chisholm, I'm as clueless as you are on this matter.

All right, Daly.

We can't stick matches under your fingernails.

Yet.

Let's all just take it back to Mickey. See what he makes of your academic

research. Well, you know, Mickey, not quite as level -headed as we are, is he?

You can't do that. That is tantamount to intimidation.

Isn't it?

Yes.

We'll let you sleep on it, Arthur.

Perhaps you'll get total recall at the prospect of all that hospital food.

I'm shut. What do you want?

What policy?

Who is this?

Oh, yeah, Mr McHanwell.

You

can

tell this Morriskeezer that I am very grateful to him, Ernie.

I owe him.

You and all.

How was your golf?

How do you think?

Handicapped. I'm not surprised.

Very clumsy of me.

Tucker! Come in here, will you?

Where do you say this Venables was?

At a pool all down the grove. He's waiting for a call.

He's going to get one.

Is McCann back yet? No.

All right, get that scout's lunatic around here and get a car around it

away, all right?

And call Ernie in a cab, will you?

He's having a bit of trouble with a dog and bone, on account of that hand of

his, eh?

Take care, Ernie.

Someone here wants a word with us, Governor.

About the Metcalf robbery.

Oh, good.

Daly's decided to unburden himself, hasn't he? Didn't take long.

No, no.

Not Daly, Governor.

Her name's Albert.

D -squared, 1964 to 1980.

I remember you.

I remember you. Horrible Albert. So what?

I've been doing some homework for you. For Metcalf's insurers.

I suppose you know Terry McCann was driving for it, don't you?

Well, naturally.

And I know Arthur Daly's looking for an insurance reward. I can put two

together, Harvard. Try making it three, then.

What's this?

Current information on a geezer McCann was banged up with for a bit.

Cat burglar.

Called Eddie Venables.

I nicked him once.

Worth a pull, I would have thought. Do us all a favour, unless I'm wrong.

Which isn't often.

Well, that's very diligent of you, Harbert. What is this, old coppers never

dies, is that it?

Let's just say I like to see a job done properly.

For everyone's sake.

Are you going to bother with him, or do I take it to somebody else round here?

Get a car, Jones, and throw the lone ranger the way out.

Come on, then. What's it all about?

You decided to make me quit?

And so you should, Tom, if you took that Tom out of that flat in Bayswater.

Eh?

What's your game?

I don't know what you're talking about.

No, no, I don't want to know. Three wise men is an order.

But that flat belongs to my girlfriend, Mickey the Fifth.

And he is very humorous about it, believe me.

Mickey Metcalf?

Exactly.

Where'd you get this from, Tom?

I'm driving him.

That was his car you saw me in the other night. Now, I haven't put two and two

together.

Driving for him? Mm -hm.

Wouldn't you, then? I'm going to look that up.

I'd better shoot me mouth off, dear, might I?

Or forget it.

That's right, Eddie. I've got the whole place around it all on me own, haven't

I? All I'm telling you is he wants blood.

So you can stick indoors and wrap yourself up with garlic, or you can send

back the gear with a nice box of chocolates. But whatever you do, do it

cos your time's running out.

Well, well, well.

You two -faced bastard.

Now, Mickey, fancy going doubles?

You can't help being comical, can you?

What's this, you working a scam with that little vermin?

No, you got it all wrong, mate.

I just don't want anybody hurt, that's all.

Anyway, three against one, that's not fair, is it? Well, don't worry about

McCann, because I'm including you in. All right, lads, in you go. This is

crackers. You can talk... Listen, Mickey, we can... I'm sorry, mate, I'm

Don't hold him, Scouser. Don't hold him. Wait, not listen.

Here.

Where are you going?

Scouser.

Hold on, hold on.

Hold on.

Let's go, sir.

Rick!

Stop!

Stop!

It hasn't been back all morning, girl.

She says he spends a lot of time down the grounds.

Beaufort Pool Room, Alan Road.

Beaufort Pool Room, Alan Road, W10.

Origin information room... A nice

coincidence.

party, or do we all just bring a friend?

Are you sure you don't want a cake?

I've never heard anything like it in my life. I know sooner I pick you up out of

the gutter than you're fighting to get back at it.

Oi, I didn't go there for a fight, you know. I got caught up in one. Caught up

in one? You get caught up in a fight at a Buddhist picnic, my son? Look at the

state of you.

Just shut up, will you? My head hurts as it is.

Open your window, for God's sake. I don't want this car smelling like the

God, you're charming, aren't you?

I hope you reflected on your misguided allegiances while you were incarcerated

in there.

To say nothing of the trouble I'd been put through because of it. You?

I could still end up in a pool of blood somewhere if Metcalfe felt like it.

Yeah, Mick is all right.

Enjoyed himself, didn't he? Good for his reputation, all that.

See what you fail to understand, Terry.

is if we'd handled it my way, it might have been an earner instead of a

Say what?

Well, I mean, Venables is nicked, whichever way you look at it.

The valuables have been restored to their rightful owner, and what have we

to show for it? Another inch of scar tissue on your boat race. I mean, what

insurance for if nobody gets paid out? Don't you ever stop.

Mr.

Daly?

I'm sorry.

I tried to ring you about my insurance, but nobody was there.

So I drove around.

I waved and bang.

I'm sorry, Mr. Daly.

Hey, you know me.

I'm George McCovey.

You got my insurance, remember?

I'll change the situation.

Right people, right time, just the wrong location.

I've got a good idea.

If you keep me near, I'll be so good for you.

Love you like you want me to.

I'd do anything for you.

I'd be so cool, boy. I could be so good for you.

I'd do it like you want me to.