Original subtitles

It'd be so good for you.

Love you like you're walking through.

It'd be so good for you.

Love you like you're walking through.

I can't tell you what a comfort you've been to me, Arthur.

Well, what are friends for, Daryl?

I always had a soft spot for you, Arthur.

Times like this when I can't help wondering what might have been.

Yeah, well, I've lived with my disappointment as best I can.

Terry.

What I always say is it's never too late.

Your dignity and suffering is an example to us all, Beryl.

You always were a discreet man, Arthur.

I admire that.

Look, we have to go, Beryl.

Any problems, give me a buzz, eh?

Oh, I'll keep in touch, Arthur.

Don't you worry about that.

Come on, my son.

Oh, has Marcel been having fun with life, Terry, then?

Really after.

Chatting up your old mate's widow straight after the funeral.

I was merely being supportive.

Oh. Oh.

Anyway, Alfie Murdoch made a tight -fisted get -rest -in -peace with no

mine. Do you know, her old man was the first scrap dealer in East End to get a

telex machine.

Well, that must be why she fancies you so much.

You know, a complete contrast in personalities.

I'm glad you showed, Mr Daly. Who the hell are you?

Kenny Hatfield.

We had a drink the other night.

Oh, yeah.

Hey, hey, hey.

I've brought your flying pig.

Do what?

Don't you remember?

Kiddie trips.

You said you was dead interested.

I never said anything of the sort. Don't say nothing.

Wait till you see the flying pig.

It's a real winner.

How many times have I told you, Dwayne, it's only meant to take kiddies?

Well, where do you want it, Mr Daly? As far away from me as possible.

Can I have a go, Mr Daly? Oh,

hang on, hang on. We'll have to see Mr Daly first.

Well, yeah, of course you can.

You could have it for a month for approval. Won't cost you nothing.

Now, look, Kenny, get yourself and bloody pork me out of here, will you?

Not many, yeah.

Hold on a moment, please.

Allow me to handle my telephone calls in future, will you? I'll get that clown

out of here.

Yeah, come on, sunshine, it's private.

Hello.

Georgie Silver.

As I live and breathe. How are you?

If you're going to have to double and earn himself a few, Bob, I'd like to

a site for it myself.

But I'll have to tell my boss that Mr Bailey's got it, son.

There's fair.

He ought to have a cut.

I ought to be able to double that if the weather stays good.

You heard of Frankie Farrell?

Yeah, of course I have.

You're going to be staying at his gaff for a week.

Yeah, I know, yeah.

The only thing is, I don't think I'll need the work.

Hey, where'd you get that?

Los

Angeles

is on the red phone, Mr Silver.

I like this, Terry.

I like this very much.

This is the sort of area I had in mind for you right from the start.

Solo?

No, the music business.

Listen, you be nice to the geezer. Let him win a few games, you know. I mean,

you could end up part of his entourage.

Terry McCann, friend and confidant to the star.

Why not?

I mean, these people are very lonely.

They are isolated from their loved ones. But just because he is a superstar...

Don't dig up.

Listen, Frankie Farrell went out with trams and those long hot summers you

banging on about.

All right, so he hasn't had it for a long time. No, but it's not just

you know. He's an international star.

Very big in L .A.

What, Luton Airport?

Oh, he's a pal at Las Vegas.

Sand dunes or something.

I mean, he's up there with old brown eyes, you know.

He could be, too. You play your cards right.

He'll see you now.

Oh, go.

It's time, Arthur.

Terry? Yeah, the wife still talks about that washing machine you came up with.

Pleased to meet you, Terry. Take a pew.

Here, carrot juice, crammed packed with vitamin D.

Why not?

Not for me.

Now, I need a good bloke I can trust, Arthur.

I get your drift, Georgie.

Someone discreet who can stick close to Frankie.

Close to Frankie? No, no, no.

Frankie's flying over to the States tomorrow.

I mean, he's only headlining in Vegas for three weeks.

Oh, he's still working, then? Still working?

Still working? Arthur, I've been managing Frankie Farrow for 18 years,

tell you, that boy has never had so much work in his life.

He's down to his fighting weight and singing like a bird.

I've got clients, kids who think they're stars, who give their right arm for the

kind of work he gets.

Oh, still working.

Oh, no offence, Georgie.

Anyway, what's happened is Frankie's housekeeper and chauffeur, Mr and Mrs,

what's her name, gone and retired.

Crying shame it is, been with him for years, just like a mum and dad to the

So I need someone to keep an eye on the place while I sort out replacements.

A sort of caretaker, you mean?

Well, it's a bit special, Terry. The entire gaff is at your disposal.

Well, yeah, sounds all right, doesn't it?

We'll drive out to the dream house first thing in the morning.

The dream house. I like it. I like it.

That's what the house is called, Arthur. After his bigot, he's 65.

What a belter that was. What a great song.

Who appreciates a song like that these days?

Bleeding nobody, that's who.

There you go. There's your money.

And that's for the drink.

I'll have a large brandy and have one yourself while he's counting.

Cheers.

Oh, that Kenny's a scheming little slag. No wonder he shot off like that.

Shot off? You had him out on his ear. And he bunged you a ton.

Well, he bunged me a ton, to be precise, didn't he? Exactly.

And how much do you think he's going to be taking out of that thing? Over a

month?

200, he reckons.

What, you think he'd do a straight split?

Never. I think it'll be twice as much as that.

You think when you want, all right.

Dave, do you remember old Frankie Farrah?

Frankie Farrah?

Yeah. What was that song?

And her wife used to go for it in a big way.

Dream house?

That's right.

Yeah, that's what he called his house, you know that?

Sodding great thing it is.

And I'm going to live there for a week.

Don't I?

Hey, weren't there no change from that fiver then?

No, there were not. No.

Pulled by horse, Frankie.

Don't hurry back.

Very impressive.

That's Georgian.

Still nice, though, isn't it?

Now, a bit pushed for time, so we'd better get on and find out what goes

Wipe your feet, Tony.

All righty, the grand tour starts here. This is the hall.

Dear, oh, dear.

Her indomitable love, this little one.

What, did she play?

No, no, no, no, no. She just likes polishing things.

The lounge.

Oh, yes.

Oh, look, look, look, the man himself.

Yeah, painted by a famous artist whose name has unaccountably slipped my mind.

Don't exactly look overjoyed with life, does he? No, no, no, no, that is the

natural melancholy of the creative artist.

Nicely put, Arthur.

Shall we adjourn to the recreation room and swimming pool?

Yeah, yeah.

Take care, Terry. Any problems, give me a buzz, all right? Yeah, don't worry

about me. Gym, soda, snooker table, be the first holiday I've had for years.

I might pop over and see you if I fancy a swim. I'm late, Arthur!

Now, look, don't let all the technology frighten you. You know, things like

light switches and running water.

I'll miss you too.

Oi, come on, come on. Can't park there.

Cheers Frankie.

Told you, if you wear them without socks, they stick.

Mr. Silver.

Terry, old chap, what can I do for you?

Well, the thing is, Mr. Silver, the phone at Dreamhouse is on the blink, and

can't find anything to eat.

Multiple apologies, Terry, old chap. That was very forgetful of me. Listen,

got cash?

Get whatever you want, get the best, and I'll refund you.

Yeah, all right then, yeah. But what should I do about the blower? No sweat,

Terry. I'll get on it right away.

Just as soon as my secretary learns to reach, she'll know her final demand when

she sees one.

All right, Terry? Bye.

Pull!

Hello, Jimmy.

Oh, Mr. Daly.

Yeah, that's your, uh, that's your work's canteen, eh?

Look, Mr. Daly, I'm sorry you thought I was taking liberties.

Let's get in the car and have a chat, shall we?

Drive this to work for you, Kenny?

As it happens, no.

I've got the use of the vacancy. Of course you have, of course you have.

You tell me, do you pull that stroke on your governor often? You know,

pretending someone's got a kiddie trip on approval and keeping the cash.

No, I mean, yeah.

Well, that accounts for the flash car and the Beaujolais lunches, eh?

I'll bang you and have a tan.

No, no, no, no, no.

Tell me, supposing I wanted to buy ten of these flying what's -its, how does it

work? Pay me cash on the mail. I'll get you ten flying pigs for three grand.

I cite them, service them, and empty them.

The governor collars 20 % at a takings, which is all you lose officially.

Unofficially, you lose 30, because I take out another ten to ensure premium

sites by bugging arcade managers and so on. Not to mention a drink for myself.

Oh, of course, of course.

Evened out over the year, you should be recouping two, three hundred quid a

week. Cash, of course.

I'm interested, Kenny.

I'm interested.

Give me a day to think it over, will you?

Come in.

Mr. Farrow?

Speaking.

I thought you'd just left for America.

You must be thinking of the other one.

I'm Derek Farrow.

Frankie's brother, manager, accountant, wet nurse, highly paid

toady. And in all of those capacities, I demand to know what you were doing

creeping around this house.

I'm Terry.

Terry McCann.

I shall contact the old Bill.

No, the phone's not working.

Put the mockers on the phone, eh?

Very clever.

No, no, no. Look, would I be lumbering around like this if I was turning the

place over, eh?

Me?

I'm an Oxford and Harvard Business School man.

I move foreign currencies around like some people move mushy peas.

And if I ever find out you're giving me the runaround, sunshine, I shall come

down on you like a ton of breeze blocks.

George Silver's the geezer who hired me.

Georgie Silver?

An errand boy, 10 % parasite.

Oh, he's got a bottle of iron fire around this house I do not know.

Nonetheless, I am prepared to accept that you are not some itinerant blagger.

Oh.

Well, there's something wrong here.

There's something... There was another sofa in here last time I looked in this

room. Yeah, well, it's on the lawn.

On the lawn?

Well, I fancied sleeping under the stars. Anyway, the arrangements to the

furniture is none of your concern.

Listen, I'm supposed to be safeguarding this little lot.

Well, it's just a brotherly in -joke, you know. It won't damage, I promise.

Hold on.

All right, who are you and what are you doing here?

Listen, don't think those glass ashtrays you're wearing are going to stop me

giving you a slap.

So you'd better start talking.

Beam me up, Scotty.

Okay, let's hear it.

Well, let's see now.

It must have been the summer of 76.

Frankie had just got divorced from his fourth.

Laura, I think that was. Mind you, she was in and out so quick you couldn't be

sure.

Anyway, Frankie and me, we were sitting pretty.

I mean, sure, he wasn't at the top of the hip parade anymore, but he could

earn big money in the States. And I'd been investing all of his money for him

for years.

I mean, I'd made him a wealthy man. He'd never have to work again.

And then one day, he went to the showbiz charity do.

Yeah, and what happened?

Sorry, I was...

Just thinking, isn't it absurd that one chance meeting could ruin so many lives?

You see, there was this ballerina.

I mustn't mention her name, but she's very famous. A foreigner, you know.

And Frankie really fell for her. Of course, it wasn't on the cards at all,

he was too out for it. But he had delusions, the old male menopause like,

know.

And he had visions of sweeping her off her feet.

But you can hardly go sweeping exotic ballerinas off their feet if three grown

men have been stuffing little bits of you into every duty course all

can you?

He was really persistent.

And eventually she said she'd have dinner with him, but naturally she

other people to be there.

So I went along.

And that was how it happened.

Oh, what happened?

That.

Love at first sight.

But can you imagine what I felt like when I realised it was the same forever?

Oh, it was madness. I mean, we couldn't keep our hands off each other.

But Frankie, I was... His sibling rivalry

went deeper than I thought.

He threw me out.

Left me with nothing.

And since then, my life has been unbearable.

I'm glad you told me that.

It makes it all clear.

Thank God.

And now I'm going to take you straight down the neck.

Do what?

You heard. What do you think I am, some bleeding idiot or something?

All that cobbler's about exotic ballerina... Listen, the nearest you've

been to an exotic ballerina is watching Chelsea on a box.

Look, knock the old bill, please. Oh, a bit of sensitive spot, have I? Had

dealings with them before, have you? All right, all right, all right. Fair

enough, I made it all up. But look, how many people do you know get arrested for

lying? Lying? No.

Breaking and entering, yes.

Right. All right. But first...

The phone's on the blink, the alarm system's on the blink. So how do you

ain't set it all up so that my mates don't come in here and turn it all over

when we're down the neck?

Because if you had, you wouldn't tell me, would you?

You'd say, fair cop, gov, and be as good as gold all the way.

Quite right, good point.

Second.

Well, come on then, second. Well, don't lose your temper, don't get angry.

Now, in all honesty and straight up, I am Frankie Farrah's brother.

And I am now angry.

Look, just give me a chance. I can prove it.

I'll tell you what. Look, if I can't convince you, I'll let you take me down

Nick. How's that?

All right.

All right.

But if you're messing me around, Sunshine, taking you down to Nick might

several journeys.

Oi, come here.

Where are you going? Don't go in there. Listen, now. Not to prove it, just to

turn a lie down.

Here we are.

It's about to be good.

I've built up a little stock of urine.

Frankie thinks it's all ink attack stuff.

Well, should he care?

Because he's a mean, tight -fisted little scumbag and a fella could die of

thirst in this house, that's why.

You know what I think? What?

I think you used to work for Farrow. God knows what, eh?

And you got caught with your fingers in the governor's cigar, didn't you? And

found yourself out on your ear, yeah?

So one day...

You're in your local drinker. Well, baby, we've been round here and started

intimidating an oil painting and a sofa.

What are you doing?

Well, it's nice.

It's got style and taste.

What's occurring?

Look, Frankie's putting.

Now, there must be one of me in here somewhere.

Haven't you got any little family photographs dotted around somewhere?

You're joking.

He used to say the pictures of the family made him want to puke. No, no,

See, he had all of this cosmetic surgery done years ago, and he hates to be

reminded of what he used to look like before.

Here.

Look.

It's a shadow.

That's a Royal Command performance, 1966, and that is me, slightly obscured

Her Majesty the Queen's right elbow.

That's you?

Yeah. Well, I didn't have any bins in them days because I was trying out

lenses, see, but they used to irritate me and made my eyes all swell up like a

parachute. No, no, no, I'm sorry. Look, this I'm good enough done.

At 12 o 'clock, I become a raving psychopath.

Beautiful. Fantastic.

Now, that is me, all right?

Frankie Farrah goes to court.

A potloader went to court yesterday to accompany his brother.

chart -topper Frankie Farrow has been leaving Marylebone Magistrate's Court

Brother Derek. Yeah.

And had just been charged with indecent exposure assault and being drunk and

disorderly. And the offences were alleged, committed during... I don't

that was enough!

...part from Farrow's performance.

Oh, God, they're a rightly leper, you, aren't you?

All right, all right, Derek, I believe you.

But it was him that got it in the news.

It was him that said, I'll come down to court with you. He said, I'll stand up

and speak on your behalf, he said.

And what did he do? He phoned half a feet straight and got in all the papers.

Oh, look, calm down. It's just an old newspaper article.

It's not that.

It's him.

The way the bastard always comes up smelling of roses.

The way everybody falls over themselves to kiss his feet for being so nice to

his so troublesome kid brother.

He is rubbing my face in the dirt, the hypocritical two -faced.

Ah, what's it worth? It's all over now.

What's all over?

Well, what do you think I'm doing here?

Boozing it up in a borrowed penguin suit.

I'm holding a wake man.

I'm carousing by the graveside.

No, hold on, no. Don't tell me. Let me guess.

Isn't that a difference?

Ballerina of yours, right? She can't bear to be parted from the delights of

little body, right?

So maddened by her frustrated desire, she finds young Frankie at night,

suffocates him with her tutu, yeah?

And then the pair of you cobble out a shallow grave in the grounds.

You'll be laughing on the other side of your face in the morning.

Arthur!

Hello, love.

Well, isn't Beryl going to get a nice kiss then?

There we are.

Who's that nice young man?

Nice young man?

Oh, Terry. Oh, no, no, no. I left him at home today because I thought I'd like

to have a little chat with you without being disturbed, Beryl.

Oh, I see.

I'd like to mention something I've had on my mind.

This gets more and more interesting, doesn't it, Marcel?

Look, it's common knowledge, Beryl, that Alf left you nice and comfortably off.

I mean, everyone knows that. But that does not prevent you from wanting to

a profit on your own account, does it not? How much do you want, Arthur?

Oh, please, Beryl. I'm talking about investment.

How much do you want?

Three grand.

You can have it today.

You won't regret it, Beryl.

No building society will pay the dividends that I have in mind.

There is one condition, Arthur.

Fire away.

You let me cook you dinner tonight.

I can't wait, Beryl. Then you'll just have to learn some self -control, won't

you?

Shall we say 7 .30 for eight?

Eight what?

You are really mad, aren't you?

I'm very naughty to pull my leg like that.

You all know what happens to naughty boys who do that, don't we, Marcel?

Oh, look, bank's just opened.

Could I give you a lift?

You know, I always thought we'd make a good couple, Arthur.

Very compatible.

Compatible. Yeah, that too.

Mr. Daly.

Well, well.

Our thing.

Well, I wanted to discuss the purchase of some of your automated pigs.

Happy to talk about it any time, Mr. Daly.

There's just one or two little details I'd like to clear up before I come to a

decision. Oh, no hurry, Mr. Daly.

I mean, for example, I'd like to have a look...

Nothing personal, you understand, just to set my mind at rest.

Could you hold on a second, Mr Daly?

Certainly. How am I fixed for appointments today, Gloria?

Well, perhaps I could fit Mr Daly in after I've seen the accountant.

Right -o, sweetheart, out to a treat.

Could I meet you round about midday, Berryman Road playground?

Fine, fine, Kenny. I'll see you there.

Bye.

I want Woodard here this morning.

Frankie Farrow is no longer a client of this agency.

And the registered company of Frankie Farrow Limited is going into voluntary

liquidation. The bastards flogged the rolls and flown to Spain with the

drummer's wife.

I want Woodard to fix it so that bastard can't lay his hands on another penny.

Especially the dream house.

Oh, dear, dear, Mr. Silver.

What did you do that for? Well, you knocked me out.

I told you I was locking up, didn't I?

Bastard.

You've been pouring that stuff down your throat all night. Well, what do you

care? I care when you start smacking up the house. Oh, yeah, the house. It

doesn't matter if I'm dead or alive, as long as the flaming house is all neat

and tidy.

You're as bad as my bleeding brother, you are. Get that loud Derek out the

before he does something disgusting on the X -Men stuff.

I've heard it all before.

Oh, he wouldn't stand for all that self -pity bullshit either, eh?

I like the sound of him more and more. You bastard.

Oi!

You smack anything else in this house, Sunbeam, I'm going to put you to sleep.

Fed it with your game.

Death to music.

No, no, no, no, no, no, no.

I'm going to have to get advice about you.

When the Lord said, let there be gloom upon the world, and there it

is, low totteridge.

Here, guess what?

What?

Your brother wasn't in Las Vegas.

No, no, he was in a working man's club in Oldham.

Oh, yeah? Yeah, then he sold the company car and legged it, didn't he?

It turns out that Dreamhouse isn't even east. Oh, beautiful. That's beautiful.

Here, did you tell Silver about me?

Yeah, he said you can stay as long as I'm there, all right? Yeah, yeah.

Oh, er... I also told him about the piano in the pool.

Ah.

But I don't think it sunk in.

Ha -ha -ha -ha -ha!

Ha -ha -ha -ha -ha! No!

when they get bored with the swings.

Here, sit yourself down.

Here we go.

Right, I won't be a second.

Harper,

this is Mr Woods. Mr Woods, Mr Daly. Mr Woods, pleasure, Mr Daly.

Kenny has been telling me about your machine.

Oh, yeah, it's good.

Yeah. And I'm very interested.

Just what we could do with round here, I can tell you. I'm surprised you haven't

got coming like that here already.

Well, I could have all kinds of stuff.

But it's a question of the, uh, right proposition.

Hey, um, what about the council?

I'm entirely responsible for this playground, Mr. Daly.

And a pigeon pup.

And a pigeon pup.

Yes, I reckon...

Three or four of your flying pigs would do.

Right there.

There's no problem with power.

Right, I'll be happy to let you have three, Mr. Woods.

Kenny here will make the arrangements.

So, mash him.

Three big ones.

Right -o, Mr. Paley.

At my office.

And you'll let us know about those other sights, will you, Kenny?

Oh, I'm only too pleased to have you take an interest, Mr. Paley.

Oh.

Good omen, my son.

Yeah.

laughing for?

Can I help you, gents?

Who are you, lad?

Oh, I'm the caretaker.

Who are you?

We're from out of town.

Nah.

Hey, what's this piano doing in the pool?

Learning to swim.

Come on, stay in business. I've got a hard day.

Flash boogers like you, Mr Farrah, shouldn't come up north and spend money

don't have.

Well, Mr Farrah's emigrated.

We know.

That's how we've come to have a look at pictures and fittings.

Ah.

No. No, I'm sorry, gentlemen. No, mate. No.

Gentlemen. Gentlemen, let me assist you to a safer place, please.

Really, Terry, you shouldn't let them stand so close to the water. There could

have been a terrible accident.

Now, gentlemen, a couple of yards farther, please.

What's your game, cock?

Oh, I do apologise. It's just I thought, you know, with the dark glasses and the

way he was creeping around, that you were, you know...

He bloody hit me.

You bloody hit him?

That's right, son, and if you don't get him out of here now, I'll bloody hit you

and all.

He bloody hit me, I know.

He's hit me.

He won't forget this in any, you know. Go on, on your bike.

You all right?

Now. Do you want a hand? Now.

No, look, stop that. Let's go inside and wash it properly.

Hang on, hang on. You don't need that.

But it's mine.

Look, just get your face cleaned up first, eh?

And again, they're in a tracksuit.

Tasty.

Come on, I'll introduce you.

We've come to see Frankie Farrow.

We're his most dedicated friends.

We want autographs, a tour of the house and all the perks.

You're joking.

I bought a copy of Dreamhouse 14 years ago. Yes, he left it in the sun and it

wrinkled.

Oh.

Oh, that's a shame, isn't it?

Listen, the only thing is Frankie's gone to Spain.

I tell you what, you could meet his brother Derek.

Better than a poke in the eye of a burnt sick, eh?

Yeah. Who might you be?

Oh, I'm Terry.

I'm Barbara, and this is Janet.

She's heavily into blondes. No, Bar.

Well, hold on, I've got to let them in.

I can't let the cat us up.

Just like bloody home.

We shall not see them lit again, thank God.

Here, Terry, come and feel our biceps.

Yeah, in a minute, love, in a minute.

Now, look, Arthur, for some unaccountable reason, she fancies you

handed over the capital with a great expectation of you dropping your dacks.

Yeah, don't come over all shocked.

I mean, you were stringing her along, weren't you? Look, if I don't keep her

sweet, she's going to want four grand from me.

Close your eyes and think of England, mate.

Are you glad there's trouble at disco and there's some folks round here saying

it'll be closed for good?

What's all that about?

His brother used to be famous.

Gee, oh dear, look at the state of it. Yeah.

He ought to do something about that face.

Poor love.

She'd be interested in a flying pig.

So where do you two spring from, then? We've run away in search of romance.

You mean sick.

I remember that.

Run away from what?

I've run away from Neville.

She's running away from Dave. Tis Dave and Nick. I think so.

I've hardly seen him since he bought that greyhound a couple of years back.

Just the odd whiff of dog food as he passes me on the way out.

It's funny how you suddenly notice things that have been going on for

I've suddenly noticed I've been married to a man who wears socks with his

sandals. I mean, grey socks and all.

So we've left the kids with my mum in order to enjoy our unofficial holiday to

the full.

Well, you might as well enjoy it to the full here, eh?

I am.

There we are. You'll do.

You will start the dinner.

Terence went and done the shopping.

Arthur!

Oh, flowers.

This is my young Bernard.

Oh, how do you do?

Thank you, Bernard.

Come through, Arthur. Have a little drink here.

This is my second youngest, Stanley.

Stanley?

Sorry, dear.

Can't borrow your soda, please, Bernard?

Arthur? Oh, vodka and honey, please, Bernard.

Thank you.

You all right, Arthur?

Yes, yes, fine, fine.

I'm a bit tired, you know.

Not business problems, I hope? No, no, no.

No, nothing like that.

Cheers. Cheers.

Don't flunk about the boys being here, Arthur.

I'll get rid of them as soon as we've got everything we need.

Here you go.

I prefer baked beans cold myself with brown sauce.

Brown sauce, do you?

I frankly used to avoid baked beans, like to play.

See, he used to get so nervous when he performed live that he used to break

uncontrollably. And the band had to play twice as loud to cover it up, so he

used to sing twice as loud to cover it, you know, get it out.

Thank you.

Off you go, boys.

at last, Arthur.

I think I'd just like to go to the... Little boys' room. Second on the left,

upstairs. Sir.

Second on the left, yes.

Sir.

I'm a cold now.

I do believe you're hiding from me, you naughty boy.

I'm coming to find you, Arthur.

Arthur? Arthur?

Oh, you're going to love this house, you are.

There's one thing, this house and that star.

No use to live in it. Frankie Farrow. Of course, he's retired now.

Lives in this big castle in Spain.

Hello, my little cutie.

Now, come on, spread it on thick. You might as well taste the stuff, eh? And

have ketchup on it and all.

So where did you find this?

Well, I told you, in the cellar.

I couldn't even find the cellar. Yeah, but the wine cellar's in the attic.

Oh, it is, Malcolm.

Come on, girls.

Celebrating time.

Cheers.

I would like to propose a toast.

Obscurity.

Obscurity. Now that Frankie Farrow, better known to all of his admirers as

Scumbag, has finally left the premises,

his young, sensitive and talented younger brother Derek may now rise to

eminence without anybody else sneering or even taking the

piss. What are you going to do then?

Petrol pump attendant.

Petrol pump attendant? What an ambition. Come on, girl, do that.

Who's made of flesh at last?

He's a good swimmer.

He's on the piano.

They're old boys. I had to do a runner last night. What did you bring them here

for? You're supposed to be my bloody minder, aren't you? No, no,

no, don't touch.

When you move in properly, I'll

arrange a nice little photo call. Perhaps have a few drinks with the Fleet

Street lads round the pool.

Here we are. You're going to love this. I just know it.

Here.

Hey,

hope you're with me, bloody. Good stuff.

Here, pal.

Here,

I'm now way out the back.

Get your coat, Terry.

This day will never...

Oh, yeah.

Come on.

Come on.

Oh,

look, it's dead. Oh, my. Shoot. Look at you.

Come here.

Oh, come on.

Well, that's really great, man.

Oh, come on.

Come here.

Come here.

Come here.

Come here. Come here. Come here.

Suits me.

Yes, sir.

Now.

Well done, Mike. Come on, come on. Straight up the ladder. Over here, we'll

catch up. Terry!

Are you all right?

Come on, Terry.

We can't leave him. Come on, Sutton.

I've got a good idea.

Just you keep me near. I'll be so good for you. I could be so good for you.

I'm gonna help you. Love you like you want me to.

I'll do anything for you.

I'll be so good for you. I could be so good.