Original subtitles

Hey Tommy, can I get a pop?

Look,

fix

your face.

Yeah, why are you looking so glum? I'm glad you're putting me down.

I don't know about that, Funk. I don't see anything to be happy about.

Oh, Tony, look at me.

Don't be silly.

I'm here now.

Not for long. The cafe's in jeopardy. It has always been in jeopardy. Ah, what a

shame. This time it's period.

Oh, come. Are the bailiffs coming?

No.

You did not pay your tax.

You have to make a profit to pay tax.

Please, just help me.

Is the building collapsing?

Somebody wrote a terrible review of the cafe and it's gone viral.

What does that mean, virus?

It means it's online and everybody knows about it. This cafe is trending and for

all the wrong reasons. They're already talking about never coming here again.

They don't come here in the first instance.

All right. So we'll see what happens when I close the cafe and you're out of

job.

Who wrote the review?

Somebody anonymously.

All I know is I came in here yesterday afternoon and had my lovely special Tony

sandwich, which apparently made them feel sick.

They were here yesterday at four o 'clock.

Nobody was here yesterday.

Are you sure about that, Funke? Think long and hard about it.

I don't need to. I know what I'm talking about.

Nobody was here except Sade. Sade?

Yes, Sade.

What did she order?

That's your Tony Specker sandwich.

Go and give Tywin his friend their drinks.

I really need to tell you something.

Well, I mean, you already told me I'm handsome, so... I'm serious.

OK. Promise you won't be mad at me.

Cross my heart.

I hope to die.

I'm pregnant.

Do you want a drink?

Can I get some water, please?

No, I'm good.

I'm good, I'm good, I'm good.

This is a joke, right?

No.

I'm pregnant and you're the father.

I mean, we've got to keep this to ourselves.

We can't tell anybody.

What is the matter with you? Did you run all the way here?

I came as quickly as I could.

Look, I have some very bad news to tell you. Someone died?

Oh, not that. You're going to be deported.

Oh, bloody.

They haven't caught me yet.

What is the thing that is making you run health after health and doing exercise?

It must be something serious.

Oh, Daddy, sit. Please, sit.

Why? No, look here.

Just trust me, my sister. You need to sit down.

Auntie Funke, I am fine standing.

Will you just sit? Sit out. Okay, okay.

Look, I just found out that Toby has got a girl pregnant.

Daddy.

Daddy.

Daddy. Daddy.

Auntie Funke, I just had a nightmare.

That Toby had got a girl pregnant.

It was not a nightmare. It is true. Eh? Yes. Oh, my God, oh, my God. What have I

done to deserve this? Auntie Funke, when did you hear this?

I was in the cafe when this useless, thin -legged, thin -pelebed girl just

in and told Toby that she was with child.

And Toby is the father.

Are you sure she said pregnant?

Do you need me to spell it out? Okay. B -R -A -G -N.

B -R -A -G -N.

I forgot the G. Look. I get it. I get it.

Oh, Lord, forgive us.

Amen. Amen.

What are people going to say in church?

Hey, my own son would be a dead banjo. He's going to have a child out of

wedlock. Wow.

Toby of yesterday is going to be Baba Beji.

Daddy, he's going to disgrace your family.

Are you not still part of the same family?

We were half -sisters.

What is going on here? What have you done?

I have done nothing.

It's your son.

My son, Toby.

Have you got an illegitimate son outside?

Yes, Toby has gone and got a girl pregnancy.

With twins.

Hey!

Just the person I was looking for.

Hi, Tony.

What's up?

Don't what up me.

Why don't you write a bad review of this place?

A bad review?

Why would I bother?

You wrote a terrible review of this place and put it on Cafe Advisor.

Tony, ain't nobody got time for that. I have exams to Pokathon.

Did you come in here yesterday?

Yeah. And did you order my special Tony sandwich?

Yeah. And what time did you place that order?

I guess around four.

Case solved.

Your nasty little review went viral and now it's threatening my livelihood.

Tony, I didn't write it. This place will close.

It's the end.

You've ruined me, Sade. This is all your fault.

Let me see it. Why?

You wrote that awful thing which broke my heart and crippled my business.

a terrible review for Tony's Cafe in Plumstead.

Plumstead? Yeah, a different Tony's Cafe.

You mean this isn't about this place?

You know, for a businessman, you're not even that smart.

You don't even have customers to review this place.

The cafe is saved!

There's no stopping me now!

Tony, are you going to apologise?

You accused me?

Kappa is saved!

No, sir. No, sir. An ingredient.

A 17 -year -old boy, Gladys. 17?

No. Today, today, I am sending him back to Nigeria.

First class.

I'm telling you. Don't worry. I will pay. Yes, that's right. He will go back

Nigeria. No more iPhone, smartphone, doll phone, face me, I face you, all of

them.

All those iPhone, telephone, Facebook, they are also in Nigeria.

My friend, I will send you two back to Nigeria if you don't shut it.

Who is the girl? What is her name? Where is her family from? Call me the father.

Call me the girl's father. Bayo, Bayo, please.

The question is this.

When you were supposed to talk to this boy and talk to him man to man, you were

not doing what you were supposed to do. Now you know what is going on. It's your

fault. That is my fault.

So now it's my own fault?

Okay, we shall see.

When I start to get all his stuff, I will send him back to the country.

Open the suitcase.

Ah, my fault. It's my fault? Yes, it is your fault. What?

The only good thing is that you are sending him away. To train him? Yes.

training? That's right. You didn't train him well.

No, he's the murderer. He's the murderer. You have to go to Nigeria with

May I go to Nigeria with him? Please, please.

When you, the father, were supposed to do what you were supposed to do, which

sit him down and have a man -to -man conversation about girls. A man -to

He's a 17 -year -old boy, Gladys. He's not a boy!

What do you mean, not a boy? He's a boy, a 17 -year -old boy. When I was 17, I

was going to the bush, fetching water, going to the garage, fixing mechanical,

selling puff puff. The question here is, how are we going to raise this child? I

cannot afford to raise another child.

Are you being selfish?

You should be thinking of your son, not your money.

You're going to be a grandfather soon.

That is all that matters.

Grandfather. Yes.

Grandfather.

Grandfather.

You know what? We need a family intervention.

And I know what we need to do.

Hey.

What are we going to do?

I mean, we're 17.

I'm not ready for this.

We're going to have to tell our parents.

It's mad.

My parents are crazy.

If I tell them it's like we're signing our death warrant, maybe

we should just run away.

Run away?

We're going to have a baby.

It won't work.

Maybe we should just delete this at home.

By your detail.

Oh, Lord.

By your detail.

Yes, Pastor.

Yes. Pastor, what are you doing here?

Calm down, my friend. Calm down.

Sister Gladys called me about this serious issue, and I have come to fill

void. Pastor is here to give us guidance on how to deal with your grandchild.

That's right, Sister Gladys.

But before we get started, do you have any cooler of assorted meats?

Boy, boy.

These are.

A dick I come to delight spirit.

Pastor. Yes. How can you be thinking of food at this time? Where in Christ is?

And so is my belly.

Baby father.

Baby mother.

Babies having babies.

What will the judge say? I know this is not what I planned for my children are

to be.

This boy has brought shame upon this family.

A boy of 17 having children.

Pastor, aren't you supposed to be helping?

I think I have a solution.

Yes, anything.

Toby must get married.

Married? Yes, it is the only way.

Otherwise, to be living is seen in the eyes of God.

And I have already made arrangements for the marriage license.

And, Brother Bayo, will you be settling my fee?

Also, go slow down. Slow down. Take a break.

Let us arrange the engagement first.

Engagement? Yes, Igladi. We must call this girl's parents today. Now, now.

It is settled.

It is settled.

Eh, Sister Gladys, any update on my cooler?

Eh,

Tony,

can I get an ultimate?

Congratulations.

Congratulations. Can I get a congratulations?

Why is he so happy?

Why am I so happy? The cafe's safe.

No bad reviews, in fact.

No reviews at all. Which I think is a good thing.

Oh, what was that noise?

I've just got my first review.

The cafe's actually got its first review. Yeah, well, read it then.

Tony's Cafe in Peckham.

The owner is incredibly rude.

Terrible customer service.

He accuses you of doing things you didn't do.

One star.

Don't go.

Oh, wow.

Oh.

Oh. Who wrote that?

Sade Adepanto?

I'm sorry, lads.

I've got to go and see Sade and ask her to take that down, or else the cafe's

doomed again.

I don't know about you, but that ain't good customer service.

You should write her a review.

I've called Charmaine's dad.

He'll be here soon.

Char, Char, Char waiting.

Charwarama. When he should be finishing his studies and marrying a good

titilola. After all we have done for that boy.

The education, the security, the comfort. And this is how he repays us?

no, no, no, no.

17, Bayo.

17.

I thought this kind of thing happened to other people.

And not us.

I feel so bad.

Every time he'll try to talk to me, I will just brush him off and be too busy.

Even though he's a young adult, I wish I just took the time and spoke to my boy

about these things.

Don't be so hard on yourself, eh?

Don't be so hard on yourself.

You tried your best.

Unfortunately, it wasn't good enough.

So it's my fault? No, no, no, not at all.

but i blame the the daughter to release wrath bad influence that's sick bruv

bruv yes bruv business all those friends oh my god you

blame everyone anyone but not yourself

anyway the father i say you can explain everything

Where's my daughter?

You must be Barry, Charmaine's father.

Please, take a seat.

Yes.

What's going on?

What's wrong with her? Where is she?

Don't worry. Just sit down. Sit down.

So is anyone going to tell me what I'm doing here?

Well... Well... Well what?

It is a difficult thing to say.

Just say it.

Well, Barry...

Barry. For goodness sake.

She's packing belly.

She's packing belly?

What's that?

She's pregnant.

Pregnant? Yes.

Is this a joke?

For who?

For your boy, Toby.

For your son, Toby, yes.

Your pathetic son has got my daughter pregnant?

Pathetic? It was your nonsense daughter that trapped my son.

Bayo, it takes two to tango. Gofunke, shut up.

My beautiful, innocent little princess with your bad influence on her son.

Disgraceful. My friend, are you calling my family a disgrace?

My family. Calm down, calm down.

We haven't even spoken about the marriage proposal.

Marriage?

Just the marriage proposal.

My princess will never marry that frog.

Frog? My son is a frog? Your brother is a turundulu?

A what? Turundulu?

Will you call my daughter? What will you call my son?

Let's deal with this bud to bud. Grandfather to grandfather.

Your back.

Your back. Please stop it.

Stop it.

Please.

What the hell is going on? You tell us what the hell is going on.

Why did you get my daughter pregnant?

And why did you get my son preg - Pregnant?

What are you talking about?

We all know about your dirty little secret.

What you were doing with one of - Dirty little secret?

Listen!

Listen! Listen!

Everybody, I am not pregnant.

Huh?

But Auntie Funke heard you discussing your pregnancy.

In the cafe now? No, Auntie overheard us rehearsing for a play.

Play? What play?

The play I told you about, Dad, but you were too busy watching football.

Bayo, you see what I'm always talking about? You watching that yo -yo -yo TV.

The boy was talking, but you were not listening.

Dad, please. We're just friends. I don't like him like that.

Charmaine, I know he was a good girl, but don't ever frighten me like that

again. Toby, I knew this was all a mistake. I knew it as soon as I heard

Yeah, I mean, we're just thrown together in a drama group and we're just forced

to rehearse together.

So let me get this straight.

Eh? There is no baby.

Eh? I am not a grandfather.

Ah!

Can we discuss the cost for the marriage license?

Marriage? Are you having a laugh?

I don't even fancy him.

Oh.

Really?

Praise God, we're all saved.

Hallelujah.

Wait, wait, wait, wait. So, how did this mix -up even happen in the first place?

I think Tony needs me in the office. Funke?

Funke? Tony needs me in the... Funke!

Today he will walk to the plane and then... That is the only right thing you

doing. Go and take care of the girl that is pregnant for you.

That's right.

He will tell me to take care of them.

What is going on there? I will not stand for it. Not in his house.

I will not stand for it.

Why? Well, I told you, don't throw the clothes.

That's what we said.