Original subtitles

Bio, do you see this article about that MP that is trying to make it a criminal

offence for disciplining your own child?

Does the MP even have kids before they start teaching us how to raise our own

kids?

He says he has five kids, actually. They all graduated with first class honours

from either Oxford or Cambridge.

You don't mean it.

And one is a surgeon.

Two are lawyers, one is a banker, and the last born, he says, is being groomed

to be the next Prime Minister of the UK.

Gladdy. It's because they have money now.

Probably has a nanny, tutor, butler, private school. She does not live in the

real world where kids need the rod of discipline.

Brother, listen.

It says she grew up in Peckham.

but used a method she's calling unconventional parenting to raise up her

children. Unconventional.

What is wrong with old -fashioned discipline?

Well, she must be doing something right, because it says in her best -selling

book that kids rebel against traditional discipline and rules.

Parents have to be modern thinking when it comes to teaching their children a

vital lesson. This is because they have not considered the effectiveness of

Koboko time.

Koboko time a day keeps the child at bay.

And has it worked for Toby?

Hey, Mom. Hey, Dad.

Here are my grades.

You are so confident. This time with your grades, they must be good. Have a

look.

D -E -F -E.

Deaf? You are clearly not just deaf, but you are dumb. How dare you bring into

this house this inexcusable grades?

This is bad.

I'm just not that interested in studying.

Interested?

Hello, Donnie.

Did I ask if you were interested or not?

Am I interested when I go to work? Of course not. But I have to do it to bring

money for this family.

Exactly, Dad. I want to be man of the house, like you.

I'm tired of all the pressure you guys put on me to study.

That is why I've decided I'm dropping out of school. Eh?

Dropping out of school?

They are the banjos.

Dropping out of school? Are you crazy?

Bayo, can you hear your phone?

You better put some sense into him.

So, Toby, you want to leave school and go to work, Abby? Yeah, Dad. I want to

earn my own money, be my own man, and be like a millionaire in two years.

So you, Toby, think you can become a millionaire in two years? You think it's

easy, just like that?

Yeah, of course.

School's just been holding me back.

Bayo, why are you still talking to him?

Ah, please! He's not sensitive to the boy now.

No, no, no.

If he wants to leave school and go to work, so be it.

Ben, Toby, you can come and work with me.

Really, Dad?

You're serious? You're not pulling my leg here?

Bayo, have you gone mad?

Toby, if it's work you want, it's work you will get. You will work security

me tonight.

Oh, yes!

I can't wait to tell all my friends how much money I'm going to be making.

Did you just tell Toby to drop out of school?

Are you okay?

Gladdy, Gladdy, pipe down. Pipe down me. Are you not the one talking about this

unconventional parenting?

Well, I am adopting a new parenting method.

Toby is not an experiment.

I did not go through nine months and hard labor for him to just drop out.

What are people going to say when they hear that my son has dropped out of

school to become a security guard?

Gladys, do you know how tough being a security guard is?

It's a job for the toughest of men.

He will not be able to survive one hour. Before long, he will be running back to

school. What if he likes it?

How can he like a security guard?

After one night, just one night, he will come back to his senses.

Just call me Mr. Unconventional.

Liz,

I'm so depressed.

My love life is like the Sahara Desert.

That bad?

Like, seriously, I haven't had any attention in months.

Wow, that must be like a world record because guys like giving me attention

the time.

How does that work? I mean, your parents are more strict than mine.

It's all about how you present yourself online.

What do you mean?

Facebook, baby.

Look at my profile.

Liz, you're not 21.

Not yet. Few years.

It says that you're a model.

Actress and singer.

You heard me sing. Sadly.

Why does it say location Chelsea, not Peckham?

Shardé, I'm trying to attract guys and not scare them away.

It's lying. No, it's exaggerating the truth.

Let's look at your profile.

I live in Peckham. Oh, please. I love to read.

Boring.

picture of your brother with his braces up?

That's me.

I was 10.

Moving on.

This is why you're not getting any attention.

Okay. Let's change your profile pic.

Up.

Sade, look hot, not constipated.

It's my, my, you know, as in Britain's Next Top Model.

Okay.

Okay. Chin up.

Okay. Head up.

Okay. Breathe in.

Sade, breathe in.

I am breathing in. You're not doing it right.

Okay.

Yeah.

That is, like, so much better.

Okay. Just a few changes to your profile.

What are you going to put?

Okay. Well, it says that you're single, so I'm going to change it to looking for

fun.

And it says you live in Peckham, so I'm going to change that to night bridge.

Ooh.

Hold on tight, Sade. The attention you're going to get is going to be

Let me show you, Chad.

Dad, what's this I hear about Toby quitting school?

Listen, Shadi, I have a plan.

And the plan is that my son will start working.

Yeah, that's right.

It's bye -bye boring education and hello money making.

I'm a working man now, Shadi.

Dad, this is the most ridiculous thing I've ever heard. Are you really going to

let this happen? Shadi, I don't want to discuss this now.

Toby, I want you to go and get ready for a long hard day's work tonight.

Sorry,

it's

not even ridiculous.

Dad just knows how much I can bring to the team.

It's time for me to take my rightful position.

A second breadwinner of the house.

You've had so much rubbish.

You will not be saying that when you're begging me for money from the bank of

Toby. I will never be begging for money from you.

I'm going to be a career woman and I'll be making my own money.

Yeah, whatever.

I'm off to Kevin's to tell him about my new career path.

Oh, and Shadi, have fun wasting your time at college while I make my first

million in the...

Currently in... Touch a loser.

No, seriously, Lizzie, you won't believe it.

I've had 15 new friends add me.

Yeah.

But they're kind of ugly, so I'm waiting for my Mr. Hottie.

Didn't you hear me?

Have you sent the email I asked you to?

Mum, I haven't had time.

I've been busy and I'm on the phone.

Busy doing nothing like always.

All you do is talk, talk, talk on the phone to Lizzie, Lizzie and more Lizzie.

I'm even surprised you have time to study.

Hold on, Lizzie.

Mum, I'll help you. I promise when I get off the phone, I'll help you. That's

what you say and you always forget.

My friend, Joe, give me that laptop. Let me do it myself.

You were saying, Lizzie?

These children, when you ask them to do something so lazy, they take forever.

Huh?

What's this?

Shadeade Banjo.

Looking for fun.

Likes to party.

Lives in Nice Ridge.

Shadi, what is wrong with my daughter?

Okay, boyo, you're all set. Are you sure it's safe for Toby to work all night? I

mean, shouldn't he be focusing on school?

No more school for me, Tony.

I'm officially retired.

Are you sure he won't get scared?

Don't worry, Jimmy. The boy will be fine.

Okay, well, have a good night, huh? And enjoy your first day, Toby.

Dad,

this is so cool.

Now, you sit down.

I'm going to take first patrol.

Okay. Make sure all the doors are secure.

Oh, wait, Dad.

Have you got a walkie -talkie?

Toby, it's just the cafe. I can hear you from one end to the other.

You've got to have them.

Lucky I came prepared.

Where did you get those?

You bought them for me for my ninth birthday.

Testing,

testing. Santadad, Santadad, do you copy? Over.

Rotadad.

Now I'm going to take position at the stakeout.

You stand guard at your position, and if you need me, just walkie -talkie.

This is so cool!

You wait until later, when you've done five hours.

Chad, do you think I'm going to fall asleep?

Trust me, Dad. I'm going to be up all night.

We'll see.

Wake up, son.

Son, wake up.

Trying to laugh at me. Come on, son. You have to do patrol.

But do I have to? I'm tired.

Of course you have to. You have a job to do.

Was that you?

Wasn't me.

What was it then?

Look, you must be hearing things. You are dreaming.

Dad, I don't like this.

Dad!

It's going to be okay, son.

Who are you?

Go away!

Leave us alone!

He is the Mr.

Hottie.

His name's Denzel and he looks like Chris Brown.

No, Chris Brown before the blonde hair and all that weirdness and everything.

Yeah, I'm so excited.

He wants to meet at the cafe tomorrow.

Yeah, I've got it all worked out. I'm going to tell my mum that I'm staying at

your place.

Mm -hmm.

Lizzie, I've got to go. Mum's in here.

Hi,

Mum.

You look lovely today.

Oh, thank you, Shadi.

So, Mum, did I tell you?

Tell me what?

That tomorrow, after college, I'm going to go straight to Lizzie's place.

That dipsy Lizzie. The one that has her head in the clouds.

What are you going to go and do there that you can't do here?

Mum, study, of course.

I mean, you know how hard these A -levels are.

And no offence, but there's too many distractions in this house.

Study? Why didn't you say so? Of course you can go.

What time will you be back?

10pm.

Okay, no problem.

Really? I love you, Mum.

Love you too.

Anyway, I better go and prepare for the church meeting.

Okay, I will see you later.

Riddle?

Riddle, here I come.

Don't worry, son. Breathe, breathe.

It's all part of the job. You can get through this.

Okay, Dad.

I'm going to man up.

Don't worry, son.

Let's step in here.

Dad,

I'm scared.

Don't worry, son.

It's almost over.

I just want to go home.

Dad, they're coming. They're trying to get in.

Whoever you are, I bind you. I bind you.

God save us.

Toby.

What's going on here?

It's over.

Worst night of my life.

Toby, is this wet patch you?

Where have we got a leak in it?

Toby, you wet yourself like a baby.

back to school.

Me too.

Well done, Tony. Great job.

Did you like it? That took ages to set up. You scared the boy nearly half to

death. You nearly had me convinced.

Did you like the sound of the pots crashing?

Perfect. And I particularly like the sound effects you made.

Come to me.

Come to me.

Very effective.

What are you talking about?

These spooky sounds at 4am this morning.

4am? No, I only got here 15 minutes ago.

What sound are you talking about?

Are you alright?

You look like you've seen a ghost.

Tony, I need to get out of here. I quit this job. No more security.

I quit.

how well your plan worked.

I must say, now the boy is more motivated than ever for school.

Gladdy, let's just say that I am Mr.

Unconventional.

So does that mean this is the end of Koboko time? Of course not now.

Koboko time is very much less stress and still very effective.

Ah, so, my son, you could not last a day at a proper working job, eh?

What changed your mind?

Well, being the big man and all, I didn't want to hurt your feelings.

And I knew you weren't happy about me giving up education.

So I'm going back for you.

Oh, that's very thoughtful of you, my dear.

What's that smell? Is that wee?

No, not me.

Okay,

see you guys later.

college and remember I'll be back late I'm studying at Lizzie's okay study hard

and I'll see you later of course mum you know how important my work is to me

I've got to get a good grade

You see, Gladie, our children are more motivated than ever before about their

education. We are winning. We are winning.

Bayo, I must say, you have really outdone yourself.

Ah, Gladie, don't you think I deserve a treat after all this energy?

Why don't we go upstairs and start the celebration?

My friend, you're cool, Jerry.

Potato.

Yes, such a calamity, Bayo.

Whoever you're waiting for, I'm sure they're just running late.

Don't worry, Tony.

He's coming.

Do you want another drink?

Yeah, I'll have a malt.

Denzel. Mum.

What are you doing here?

I should ask you the same question.

Mum, can you just leave me to study? I'm waiting for Liz.

Shadi, you're not waiting for Liz. Yes, I am. No, you're not.

Yes, I am. Denzel.

No, I'm not.

Mum, have you been spying on me?

How did you know about Denzel? Shadi, I am Denzel.

What?

what you did on your Facebook page, so I created a fake profile.

Oh my gosh, I'm on a date with my mum.

Shadi, don't you see? Dental could have been anyone.

That's why I did it.

I wanted to show you that people online are not always who they say they are.

Yeah, but they don't usually turn out to be your mother.

That's dangerous.

Yeah, I know, I know. I just wanted to meet someone.

Shadi, you're too young for that.

Mum, I'm almost 18.

I'm a big girl, you know.

Shadi, at the right time.

A true person will love you for who you are, not for who you pretend to be.

And besides, you need to be focused on your education and getting a career for

yourself.

I guess you're right, Mum.

I was just being stupid.

How did you get to make a profile anyway?

You know me, Shadi. I have my ways.

And how did you know what picture to use?

Shadi, you think because I'm your mum I don't have eyes?

I know it's fine, but when I see one... I can't believe

you went through all this trouble just to make a point. Of course, Sadie. I am

Mrs. Unconventional.

Me?