All language subtitles for meet_the_adebanjos_s02e15_tobi_the_genius

Funke, a little help, please?

You're doing all right by yourself.

Funke, am I paying you to work or to sit
on their website all day?

This website is amazing.

It allows you to connect to your old
flames.

Big deal.

Big deal. Big deal.

With this website, I can find out if
they have jobs or they're married.

How do you know they're not lying?

Why would they lie?

It says here you're a successful
businesswoman living in Chelsea.

And who's that picture of?

That is me.

You 15 years ago.

Oh, Tony.

You see, my friend that day...

He's now a big -time oil consultant.

He'll be coming to London this week.

That is a sign.

Sign of what?

He must be my husband.

Hi,

my dear Funke.

It will be a pleasure to take you up on
your offer for you to treat me to a

dinner in London tonight.

I look forward to seeing you and
restoring our loving friendship that we

years ago.

And from your picture, it looks like you
haven't changed one bit.

Yes!

I got him.

I got him!

Well, fine, Kay, this will be a first.
You've taken a man to dinner.

Tony, at this stage of my life, I need
to change my tactic.

First... You rope him in.

And then you hook him.

And then, I will take his money.

I will take his money.

But I don't care.

Funke, what are we going to do with you,
eh?

And where is this five -star restaurant
you're going to take him to?

Five -star?

I'm bringing him here.

To the cafe?

You can't bring him here.

Yes, I know it is a small, wretched
cafe.

My nature told him so. It's not
wretched.

And you can't bring him here, because
I'm going to date here.

When? Tonight.

Now I know my enemies of progress.

Which is all the more reason I need you
to clear off and leave me and my date

alone. Or does my love life mean nothing
to you? Look, forget about you. What

about my love life?

Years and years and years of desperately
searching for husband.

And it is you, Tony. It is you who is
standing in the way of my riches.

And what about my years of desperately
searching for love and being let down

being heartbroken and listening to
Adele? And how you... Funke, stand in my

to love.

Look, you better tell this woman that
she should come another day. It's not as

if she's missing anything anyway.

This is her only day off, Funke, and my
only opportunity before someone else

comes and steals her heart. You change
your date till tomorrow.

Tomorrow, call tomorrow, Nii. Tomorrow.

What time's your date coming?

It's coming at 5.

6 .30 Nigerian time.

What about yours?

She's coming at 9.

which is 8 .30 English time.

OK, OK.

I'll have my thinking wig cap on.

Yes.

I'll have my date between 6 and 8 o
'clock.

Now, you can have the cafe from 8 .30
onwards.

Hmm, I'm not sure.

Sure or not, I'm still having my date.

Do you promise she'll be gone before she
arrives?

Of course, now. I only need 30 minutes
to bag him.

And I'll have him eating out of my
fingers.

Deal?

You got it.

Now, let us make this place look
presentable.

Trying to cook? Take that dirty thing
out of my kitchen.

This is Toby's new bike.

New bike?

Yes. This thing looks as if you got it
from the rubbish skip. That's because I

did. Remember that old building site
near Peckham High Street?

Yes.

Well, I found this poor bike amongst all
the old rubbish and I thought of our

son.

You saw this bike and you thought of
your son?

Shame did not catch you when you brought
it home.

Gladdy, it's in perfect working order.

Where's the wheel?

Good as new. All I have to do is just
give it a quick rub down, attach the

wheel, buzzer, carry go.

And you think Toby is so stupid he won't
clock on?

Gladdy, this is our song we are talking
about, eh? Oh, do you want to buy a

brand new bike? Do you know how much
that one costs?

This way we show we are loving, caring
parents, and we save a bit of change.

Now, just play along, my dear. Let me
fix this up sharp, sharp.

Bayo, you are such a cheapskate.

I measured you.

You see, Potato?

Just like brand new.

It does not look any better, even with
all the fandangos.

It's all in the selling of it. It's all
in the selling.

You will notice a thing.

Toby! Toby!

Come here.

Dad, is that bag for me? Of course!

Your mum and I saw this brand new bag
through a shop window and we thought it

would be a great treat.

For our wonderful son.

Your father saw this in the shop window
and thought it was a good treat for you.

But, Dad, you never get me anything. I
mean, he can never afford it.

Toby, don't be like your mother and
always be a messenger of the past.

This is a new year, new day, new moon,
new focus.

New bike.

Boy, it looks a bit worn out.

It is rustic.

Rustic bike.

You know, the way those jeans with holes
inside.

You know, all those old... clothes still
looking new.

This, you have to fit it into your
surroundings.

Rusty. That's pretty cool.

Besides,

I had to ride this all the way through a
storm to get it here. That's why it's,

you know, it's a bit bent and, you know.

It's been sunny all day in Peckham.

Yes, but I had to ride it all the way
from Hackney. You know, English weather,

always changing, switching.

So, can I ride it to the cafe and show
off? Of course you can. Just be careful.

You know, the seat is a bit wobbly.
Okay.

Can I go?

Toby Wiggins.

Wiggins Toby.

You are such a calamity. But our son is
happy.

Dad, the car is kind of flat.

Manage it. Manage it, Joe.

So, Auntie, tell me again why I'm
helping you make this place over.

Sade, I told you, Tony and I have got a
date.

You and Tony?

Together?

No,

separately. We've got two separate dates
today.

Thank God, because that would have been
gross.

So look at what Dad got me. A brand new
bike.

This doesn't look new to me.

Auntie, it's the new rustic look.

It's a new trend.

Plus, Dad got caught in a tropical storm
on... Rustic?

Yeah, it's actually really expensive.

Really? Wait, so Dad...

goes out and spends all this money on
you, and he can't even pay for my

Brazilian weave.

My friend, take this thing out of this
place.

Look, it's making the floor dirty. Take
it out.

I helped you tidy this place. We're
trying to clean it. But, Auntie, I...

bother me, doll. Take it out.

It's dirty. Look at the floor. It's
making it dirty now.

See, Auntie, this is what I'm talking
about.

Favoritism. They treat him like he's
a...

Chosen one. And I'm just some unwanted
stepchild.

Shadi, didn't your parents buy you a
brand new laptop?

Yeah, but auntie, that's a laptop.

I'm talking about Brazilian, Peruvian
weave.

I mean, you of all people should
understand. It's just ridiculous.

Well, I will get you the bloom to sweep
this place.

So, Sade, like my new wheels?

You really like rubbing it in, don't
you?

You really like to be jealous.

Jealous? Of you?

Please. I just want what's rightfully
mine.

Well, in our African household, the
woman has to listen to the man of the

And seeing as I'm second in line for the
Ade Banjo Kingdom...

Really? Second in line?

Why don't you come here and I'll show
you some respect?

Oh, yeah?

Okay.

Okay.

Oh! Oh! I'm real!

Say sorry! I'm sorry! I'm sorry!

Oh, my God! I'm sorry!

Hey, everyone.

Hey,

Megan. Hey, Megan. Is my bike outside?

There is no new bike outside.

Oh, dear. It's right there.

Well, I didn't see anything.

Dad got him a new bike and he won't even
buy me Brazilian weave.

I mean, seriously?

How?

Oh my days.

My bike's gone.

Dad is so going to kill you. Dad won't
find out.

He will when you're not riding around on
those rusty wheels.

It's rustic, not rusty.

Whatever it is, it's not yours anymore.

I know.

Tell Auntie to check those cameras at
Tony Park.

But everyone knows those cameras are
fake.

What? Fake?

As Auntie always says, fake is cheaper
and it does the same job.

That makes no sense.

Well, we are going to have to search the
whole of Peckham until we find my bike.

Yeah, right.

That bike is long gone.

Not with two punctures and a bent wheel.

I can't have gotten far.

This is going to be so jokes. I'm going
to watch you traipse around Peckham

looking for your rusty bike.

Me? You're coming with me.

Come on, man.

Hi, Funke. My long -lost friend. How are
you?

Friend now, and much more later.

Funke, I must say that you look...
Glamorous?

Different.

Let me tell you, there's no pressure.

I'm ready, willing, and available.

Slow down, Funke. What's all this
nonsense?

Eh? I need to tell you something.

Lord, kill me, make a somersault on you.

Stop it. I'm warning you. Look, I need
to tell you that... There is no need to

deny the truth.

I'm ready.

Now. Yes, yes.

Just stop it. I need to tell you that my
wife is joining us for this dinner

tonight. Huh? Do you understand?

Your wife? My beautiful wife.

The one and the only one.

Well, let me introduce to you my
beautiful wife. It's a pleasure to meet

Funky.

Who?

Ade's been telling me a lot about you.

It's always so nice to catch up with his
less fortunate friends.

Shall we eat? Because we are very
hungry.

So, Funker, where's your partner or is
he not going to join us?

Sorry, I just forgot my jacket.

Yes, he will be joining us. Oh, darling.

Oh, I guess you were very late.

Yeah, you had to join us for dinner.

Oh, hello.

How do you do? How do you do?

This is my wife.

That's my husband.

I must

say, and with no disrespect to

Tony, I'm surprised, Funke, that you
didn't marry a Nigerian man.

Nigerian men don't know when a good
woman is sitting in front of them.

I think it's great to see that you're
married, considering there are... So

desperate women out there.

And you'd be surprised how many women
are after Addy just for his money.

And I assume with you, it's all love.

So, Addy, when did you and your
beautiful bride meet?

Well, after years of working hard and
making money, I just wanted somebody

useful with pay for life.

I mean...

We are men, Tony, and I can't see myself
going with these single middle -aged

women. What is wrong with middle -aged
women?

Oh, Funke, at least I can be frank with
you. You are married. You know, these

single middle -aged women, they are just
too desperate, too pushy, and, I mean,

too old for a man of my stature.

Let's raise a glass to the fact that
that isn't us.

Funky, you glow.

Oh, what?

My pride is gone.

Oh, my God.

Is there any toilet around this place?

That way.

Baby, sorry.

Funky, how long is this going to last?

Remember, I've got a date here, too.
Don't ruin this for me.

You can't talk to your wife like that.

I'm not your husband.

Look, don't you think I know that?

Look, just play along with them and they
will go.

I don't think this will get any worse.

Well, I think it's time we left.

Yes, absolutely.

Oh,

darling. It's my favourite song. Oh, do
let's have a dance before we go.

One. Okay, just for you.

And you should dance as well.

Come on.

Come on. You know you want to.

Isn't this so romantic?

It reminds me of the first dance at our
wedding.

Does it do that for you?

Yeah, it takes us back.

Okay, how much longer is this going on
for?

Tony, you're stepping on my feet.

I've got a date too, remember?

Just play along for a little while.
It'll soon be over.

Now, they just do what they do.

Now, I'm going to put my head on your
chest. Now hold me.

Squeeze.

Tony!

Mercy! What are you doing?

Mercy.

Five minutes before our date and you're
with some woman.

And not just any woman. Your cook.

Mercy, please, I can explain everything.

Mercy,

please. I love you.

Honestly, I have no idea what's going on
here.

It's like a Nollywood movie.

That woman wants to steal my husband.

Funky, I'm not your husband.

Of course he isn't. I should have known.

She is the desperate woman that we were
talking about.

I did.

Yeah, Funke. You better protect this,
your something.

Before I deal with her in the old
-fashioned Funke style.

Oh, Poby.

How did it go? Don't even chat to me,
Sade. You left me in Peckham on my one.

And the bike had just disappeared.

Dad is going to kill me.

How much do you think you paid for that
bike?

Not a lot by the looks of it.

Although Monica did say those old rustic
ones can be like £500.

£500?

My life is over.

Under no circumstances must Dad find out
about this.

I'm going to find it.

Good luck.

This is Peckham, you know.

Someone's probably sold it on by now.

It could be halfway across the country.

But you know what?

I could help.

Really?

How?

Well, you know I'm in need of some new
Brazilian weave.

You give me the money and I'll keep my
mouth shut.

Zadie, are you trying to get money off
me?

We all know I'm the only one who's
allowed to blackmail this house.

I'm just trying to get a little
something from the chosen one.

How did you put it?

The second in line to the Adebanjo
kingdom.

You know, the man of the, I mean, baby
of the house.

How you mean? I am a fully developed
man.

And, um, you wouldn't dare say anything.

Wouldn't I?

Toby's lost his bike.

What? Surely.

Well, you have, haven't you?

Toby, you've lost the bike?

Look,

balance. Toby, balance.

After all the time and money I went
through for that bike.

I drove through a tropical storm to get
there, and you still lose it. Dad, I'm

sorry. I just left it outside.

Left it outside?

Who leaves a bike outside unattended in
Pecan?

I'm so sorry.

So, Dad, about my Brazilian weave...
Shadi, will you please stop talking

this Brazilian weave nonsense?

After all the money I've lost on Tubi.

You always spoil things for me.

Balance, you.

What's going on? What has Toby done?

Toby has lost the brand new bike that I
bought him.

Come on, you are punishing the boy.

For a bike you fished out of the skiff.

Skiff?

Dad, you told me it was expensive. That
it was rustic.

No wonder I've been itching all day
sitting on that thing.

And you want to make me balance for a
rusty bike.

Son, it's not about the money. It's
about the responsibility.

You can't go on losing things that
people have bought for you out of the

kindness of their heart.

Kindness of your heart? It's from a
skip.

But my heart skip a beat.

Yo, yo, yo.

Kevin D in the place to be.

What's up, family?

Hello, Kevin.

You guys will never guess what my uncle
got me.

Wait. He got me a bike.