Original subtitles

Five Bs. Wow.

That's really good.

No, Toby's not back yet.

But with the result he's been getting for the past few months, I expect

less than A's.

Don't worry.

I'll keep Brian in my prayers.

I'll talk to you later.

Bye -bye.

A's? A's?

My son will get nothing less than A stars.

We need an A star to become a doctor these days.

What do you mean, Doctor?

He will be a big money accountant.

Do you know how much fudges are in it? Not as much as those big city boys.

Somebody has to be the moneymaker in the family.

Where is he, anyway?

Ah, there he is. My boy.

Hi, Mum. Hi, Dad.

Hey, slow down, turbo engine.

And why are you sneaking in from the back door?

Haven't you got something for us?

Oh, yes.

No.

Something from school?

Uh, no.

We didn't get our report card today. Ah.

So what's this?

Look at him being all modern.

City bank, here we come.

Yes, super sojourn. We're on our way.

Blood of Jesus.

Two Ds in mathematics.

Wisdom of Solomon.

An F in science.

Mother of Mary.

An F. F in English.

A golden frankincense and merrrr. A U in French.

Hello. What about my C?

In P .E.

Clap for yourself.

My friends, I know pieces of yam that can get better results than this.

I hope you're proud.

Hey, Mimi.

You see your son? Do you see your son? If I had sent him to Nigeria, do you

think this would have happened?

So now it's my fault. Oh, no. I don't want my son to go to Nigeria.

Oh, no. I don't want my son to catch malaria, at least in hospital. He will

books. If not by choice, then by force.

Toby.

What have you got to say for yourself?

To be fair, Dad, I work hard. for that D.

Gladdy, are my ears deceiving me? Did you say you worked hard? Hard for a D?

You know, my teacher thinks I'm doing all right. I actually got an A.

What effort.

All those teachers, they're useless.

I don't know why they refuse to beat children in this country.

Because if anyone touches me, I'll just call child line. Child line?

Child line?

Gladdy? Hold him down. I will show you my own line today.

Do you know what time it is?

I said, do you know what time it is? Oh, no.

Not Koboko time. That's right.

Koboko time.

Fetch me my Koboko.

Auntie, are you ready?

How does this sound?

Go ahead, go ahead.

Remember, this poem is a contemporary abstraction of I Wondered Lonely

as a Cloud.

Okay.

Why don't you add some African flavour?

I wondered lonely as a cloud.

I haven't even started yet.

How long is this thing going to take, Jo?

Aunty, focus.

This is really important. It's for the big event that I was telling you about.

Eh?

Is it the Holy Ghost Festival of Praises? Hallelujah!

Auntie, it's even bigger than that.

Oh, Sade, you have tickets.

You have tickets to La Bada. I'm coming with you. I am coming with you. Auntie,

it's even bigger than that. It's only the Spoken Word Contemporary Poetry

at Peckham Library.

So we spent money for him to go to school.

Now we are spending money for him to learn at home.

Unless you want him to be something demeaning like a mini...

So, yes. Yes.

No.

No.

Ah, Gladdy. Gladdy, Gladdy, Gladdy. I think I like this one.

He's been to a good school.

Very experienced.

Bono, he's even Ghanaian.

I don't think so. Why?

He graduated from a polytechnic university.

All these fake organizations.

No good.

Gladdy, didn't you graduate from a polytechnic? Can we just move on?

What about this one?

First class owner, former city banker, and has just published his third book.

I like it.

He likes dogs.

I don't want no dog lover in this house. Not after that dog poo -pooed in my

minicab.

This has got to be the one. He has everything.

Ten years.

Professional tutor.

Uh -huh. Lives local.

Has a Ph .D. doctorate. What are you waiting for?

Call his number. Quick, quick. Sharp, sharp.

Fast, fast.

Lord of Jesus. Huh?

He's a devil worshiper. Huh? Burn it. Remove it from this house. Okay, okay.

At least we have these good candidates.

Let's interview them tomorrow evening.

Huh? Tomorrow?

Uh -huh. Ah, potato.

You know, tomorrow there is a...

Premiership football?

So, why are you watching them making millions?

Our son will end up working as a minicabber. All right, all right.

is.

Why have I got to be here when you

interview the tutors?

Worst of all, why am I dressed like this?

Are we picking the tutors for ourselves?

We all have to make a good impression.

But, Dad, we're missing the game.

Is football all you think about? You need to focus on your studies.

But it's Arsenal v Man U. I know.

Quickly, let's check the results.

What is the meaning of all this? Toby, what is the meaning of all this? I told

you already not to watch the football, disobedient boy.

But, Dad, you said... Shut up!

Oh, that's the tutor.

Toby, quickly, hide my sweepers under the sofa.

And turn off that TV.

Gladdy, remember, make sure you ask them the toughest questions, you hear me?

The toughest questions. Sayo, please don't overdo it. Overdo it?

Overdo it? The first job interview I went for in this country was for a

job. They asked me, what degree have you got? Me.

A whole banking degree holder from the University of Lagos. What do you mean,

what degree have I got? Do I need a degree for cleaning? Daddy, the toughest

questions, you hear me? The toughest!

Hi, I'm here for the tutoring job.

Ah, yes, hello.

Please, come in, come in.

Well, why do you think you're good for the role?

Well, I have wonderful teaching techniques, especially with mail.

Gladys, no need for these tough questions. Let her speak.

Let her speak.

Let her speak.

Can you cut yourself?

On second thought, go to your room. Your dad and I will continue from here.

What?

I mean, I thought you had a good set of bread, bread, bread.

Credentials.

I believe in strict discipline.

And nothing but excellent. Fantastic.

Excellence is my middle name.

Can you start tomorrow?

Yes, of course. We just need to sort out payment details. Ah, payment.

Just so you know, I only take bookings in blocks of six paid in advance.

Yes, very good, very good.

The boy needs it.

Yes, the more the merrier.

Ah, economical too, only £100.

Policy. Policy!

So, why do you think you're good for the road? Yes.

Well, I like teaching people.

Listen!

Do you have a toilet?

Does it have a window?

Yes.

Mr. Wu.

Why do you think you're good for the role?

Not

a

single one.

Not even one. Not a fucking... Gladdy.

Gladdy. That was why I said you should ask tough questions. Tough!

Look at you. When I was asking tough questions to a homewrecker, you were

dribbling like a baby. But you have to be fair now.

Why all the long faces?

We're looking for a tutor for Toby, but we can't find anyone decent.

A tutor?

Why didn't you tell me? I have a tutor friend from Oxford.

You? A friend?

From Oxford?

Yes, Bayo.

Not everyone is bush like you.

I'll have you know, I am known amongst my peers as a woman of great

Distinction? The only thing distinct about you is your body odor.

Body odor?

The smell from your foot is worse than a dead rat. And your whole future... Hey!

Enough!

Please, just tell me about your tutor friend.

Well, he studied in Oxford.

I can have him here this evening.

Thank you.

How on this God's green earth do you have a friend from Oxford?

Don't you know Funke is connected?

You were writing that poetry crap?

Shut up. It's not crap.

The library award.

Maybe I can help.

You?

Why would I need your help? Your grades are like fish.

What?

You know, below sea level.

Your jokes are so poor.

No wonder you're struggling with a dumb poem.

I need to get something down on paper, but it's just not happening.

I need to dig deeper.

I need to get in touch with my creative side.

I have not.

I've got to go and get ready for the stupid tutor.

Tutor? I thought your grades were good.

So you fell for it too?

You mean you changed your grades?

Trust me, there's a guy at school that can hook you up.

Wasting money on a tutor for you, so unfair.

When I want money to go shopping, get my nails done and my hair did, it's...

Come on, Jo, we don't have money for that.

But when it comes to their precious Toby... Look.

I didn't even want tutor.

I thought my grades were alright, you know.

I worked hard for that D in maths.

You obviously didn't work that hard.

Well, I don't like maths.

I'd much rather do other stuff.

Like me.

But what about me?

What about what I want?

What about my needs?

What about Toby?

Why are you getting so emotional?

Are you crying?

Nah. Nah, man.

I'm good. I'm okay.

Toby, can you get ready now?

Mum, I can't breathe.

It's too tight.

It doesn't matter, as long as you look smart. Where are the tea and crumpets?

Since when did we start having crumpets? Since we started getting visits from

Oxford professors.

Everyone, quick, sit down. We are the Adebanjo family. Smile.

Please, please, come here, sir.

Welcome to the... I was wondering if you can direct me to the whereabouts of a

Mr.

Adebanjo. Mr.

Adebanjo am I.

Are you here to read the meter?

Okay, please, hurry up, because I am expecting an important visitor, and I

to make a good impression.

Oh, Greg, my precious friend. Oh, funky. It's so jolly. Good to see you again.

Here, kiss.

High five.

Greg.

Well, I think you would find the name you are looking for is a Mr. Gregory

Bartholomew. Alexander Richardson.

Damien Fitzgerald IV.

So, you studied at Oxford?

Why, of course.

Three years at Oxford Brook.

Right, Toby. We are going to commence with some quite complicated equations.

Now, are you familiar with the term trigonometry?

Dad, where did you get that ring from?

My mate's got exactly the same one.

Picked it up from Peckham Market, innit?

That's very interesting terminology.

You're not from around here, are you? No, Toby, I don't reside from the area.

Now, shall we get cracking?

Right, Toby.

If we had seven carrots... I don't eat carrots.

They make my teeth all orangey.

Jaffa cakes, on the other hand... Okay, if we had seven jaffa cakes... Actually,

make it bourbon.

No, digestive.

No, custard cream.

Look, man, coming to take home with the lesson.

So you're a fake, then.

Excuse me, I have absolutely no idea of what you're talking about. Don't worry,

man, I won't tell.

Oh, well, in that case, I have just the perfect solution to your mathematical

problem.

Just leave them to me.

Gladdy, tutors are not cheap. I need to know my money's being well spent.

Hey, hey, hey, hey. Are you insulting my judgment?

Bayo, he is from Oxford. I'm sure he knows what he's doing. Just let him get

with it.

Oxford Brooks.

Gladdy, are you ready?

Oh, yeah, let's go to the shop before he closes.

Bayo. Huh?

Look at them.

Look at them.

Look at them.

Waste, waste, waste.

Do they know how much I'm paying for electricity bill?

Water, gas, chemical, chemical.

And they just, they use it anyhow.

Look at that.

Nonsense and ingredients.

Dad, what are you doing?

What does it look like? Saving money, of course. You think money grows on trees?

This is the only copy of my poem. I haven't even saved it yet.

This took me...

Ages. What is the big deal? It's only a poem.

For the Peckham Library Award.

Huh? Is that the award they give to homeless, disadvantaged, jobless youths?

Dad.

Okay, okay, okay, okay. I tell you what. Why don't we write a winning poem, huh?

I'm sure we can write one together.

When I was in JS5, I was head of poetry class.

You can write poetry?

You don't know your father. You don't know your father. I am a master poet.

A master lyricist.

How do you think I got your mother?

Fat thing, you have to help me.

Ah, okay.

Freestyle. Take note.

When I was in Nigeria,

I was a big man with a banking degree from Unilad.

Then I came to this country looking for work.

Instead, they offered me a job as a local bank clerk.

Ah! What about me? What happened to what I want? My hope, my ambition, my

frustration... Dad! Dad!

Why are you getting so emotional?

What is it with the men in this house? It's a poem, not a life story.

Shadi, I don't know what came over me.

I don't quite feel like myself.

It's all right. I think I'll write the poem by myself.

Okay.

Can you hear Ricky music?

All right, Toby, big up yourself, man. Big up your mother, your brother, your

father and your sister, all right?

Yeah, man, this is how we're going to go now.

And I'll pull the DQC doctor away.

A good ripe banana will help start your day.

Orange, mango, and passion fruit can give a mathematical head start, my

Addition, subtraction, and multiplication are the elements that can

nation. This is how you're going to learn, my son.

Cheese! You bring the cheese, and I'll bring the bun. Yeah, man!

Eight banana times eight banana is... 64 banana?

Yeah, man. A 6 banana times 6 banana is?

36 banana. You like that, man?

10 banana times 10 banana is?

100 banana.

Yeah, man. Hey, banana.

Banana in my house? No, no, no, no. There is no banana. My friend, I am

you to teach my son math lesson, not music lesson.

Dad, he was teaching me.

You, Bob Marley, come.

I think you'll find the name is Gregory.

I don't care what your name is. What is this you are teaching my son? Mr.

Adebongo, why the aggression?

Adebanjo, why can't you speak Queen's English? Mr.

Adebingi, I can assure you my English is the Queen's finest. My friend, what is

this you are teaching my son?

I am teaching Toby an alternative method of education.

One that involves all aspects of popular culture. My friend, what is your

success story? Who have you taught before? I want to see your credential.

Show me your curriculum.

I want to see your credential.

Show me your curriculum vitae.

I think you would find it far more easier on a tongue if you abbreviated

word to CV.

Sir, I have been conducting alternative methods of education in the most

sophisticated way. So you are using my own son as a guinea pig?

I don't take kindly to your aggressive behavior, Mr. Adebongo.

Adebanjo!

I will tell you what I want to tell you!

How dare you!

You dare to shout at me?

In my own house?

Get out!

I've tried hard, but tell me. Music makes him laugh. Can't you see that?

Take this, your guitar, and your banana music, and get out. Get out!

The banana types of bananas.

Can I just please have five minutes?

I've been working on this poem for ages. All I want is just five minutes. Shadi,

can you please get out of the way? This is the constitution to party.

That's my boy.

He will become a doctor. He will become a lawyer.

So now he's your son, eh? Of course, Toby. Pops the Flemish.

You owe me an apology.

Wait,

Dad, you do?

So when's Greg coming back?

Don't worry, Toby.

Funky will get him back.

Wow, that was quick.

Ah,

Greg.

Greg -o.

I believe I've forgotten some of my teaching materials.

Ah, yeah, you are just the man I wanted to see.

Well, that's not what it seemed like when you chucked me onto the porch.

It was a rather abrupt end to the lesson. Well, that is only water under

dock, off the dock, inside the dock.

Water off a duck's back.

Exactly, exactly. We are practically family now, you see.

Greg, I think Bayo's trying to tell you something. I think I have said it

already. Oh, well, I must have missed it. I would like to hear you say it.

What's he trying to say?

No, no, I would rather hear it from Mr...

Add a banjo.

Yes, I'd just like to say that... Sorry, must I spit it out?

Greg,

you are right.

Musical youth is the only thing that gets through to the boy.

So we shall see you again, same time next week, eh? Sharp, sharp.

Yes, but what about the payment, sir?

Wasn't it a try and run? What about the bonuses for Toby? No, we will see you

next week. What about the fact that I've made him into an A -grade student?

Don't worry. What about the fact that he's a... Next week.

No problem.

We will see you next week.

Are you sure? Please, Gerald.

Will you promise me?

No problem.

Thank you.

Bye -bye.

Listen!

Shadi, what is this? I am going to perform my new poem, which I've been

on for the past five days.

I touched the wind.

The wind touched me.

We are as one in perfect symmetry.

See me now.

I am taller than the tree.

You're actually there now.