Original subtitles

Now, this is all going in my best man's speech.

You don't want a speech.

So? So.

You can stay.

Well, I'm hardly going to throw my own daughter out on the street, now, am I?

And it's 500.

Yeah. Although, here.

Okay, then.

I'm going to go out now.

We're going to do some job hunting.

Job hunting? Oh.

Do you mean you're not Fergie's living money?

I don't think you've got anything to worry about, do you?

About from being in the stolen car, I mean.

Oh, shit!

Absolute gold.

Did you use the one I told you?

What, about the lobster?

Yeah. Of course I haven't. It's stupid and it's got bugger all to do with

wedding. Yeah, because you didn't get it.

Ah, that'll be Greg.

He's given his hand round Mrs Haddon's today. She's always a two -man job.

Not a word about the speech.

He thinks he's not getting one.

Two more days to go.

Two more days to go.

La, la, la, la, la, la. Two more days to go.

Oh, come on, Greg. You must be a bit excited.

We've been living together two years, you know. It's not like anything's going

to be any different.

Oh, for God's sake.

It's a good job you're good -looking. You've got zero sense of romance.

You hear that, mate?

Lisa reckons I'm good -looking.

I know.

I've warned her about drinking in the morning.

Right. Come on. Let's get flapper valve in, then. Right.

Oh, Ashley, Lisa.

Tanya's kind of superstitious about the whole not seeing the groom before the

ceremony thing.

Wants to know if she can stay here tomorrow night. Here?

No, actually, she wants to stay in a five -star hotel, but her budget doesn't

quite stress that far.

Yeah, yeah, fine.

Of course she can stay.

We'll stick Dad on the camper bed in Molly's room.

I cannot believe you're not having a stag or a hen.

Just want the whole thing for free.

No stag night, no hen party.

And no speeches.

Absolutely. We'll make sure it's the most boring wedding ever. You have my

All right, see you tonight.

See you.

All right, get that down, yeah? Get up, get dressed. You're coming in to work

with me.

What?

Oh, that's black.

I don't even take it black. We haven't got time for milk. We're leaving in ten

minutes. Oh, yes, but I... No more butts. And no more moping around feeling

sorry for yourself. We are finding you a job today.

Drink that out!

Same goes for you too. We want you on the phone today to your solicitor.

Find out what's happening with the house. Find out what's happening with

husband so we can form some sort of action plan.

Who are you talking to?

Did you hear what I said?

Yes, yes. That was all very take charge.

You still listen to those management CDs in bed, don't you?

Well, in case you hadn't noticed, I don't currently have a bed.

And do you really think you should be walking around like that?

Like what?

Morning. How come he's allowed to stop over the damn nut?

It's a car get over like the one of yours.

All right.

Come in.

Oh, no.

Not this dishcloth.

Morning, Nana.

Are you OK?

What is wrong with him? I don't know, Mum.

How's the late shift? Any news on the car? Not a sausage.

Someone nicked a vehicle right out the station car park.

No. That's a bit embarrassing.

Yeah, it is.

Come on, we'd better be off.

See you tonight.

I'll see you later, Nana.

I don't know who you are.

The other good days and the bad days, eh? Quite.

Very good.

Well, I'm looking at the contract now. Yeah, I've got it on the screen in front

of me.

Sorry, Lisa, I'm going to be ages with this one.

Mm -hm.

Sorry about that.

Fergus is pretending to be on a phone call.

He's stuck with me, I'm afraid.

I think he finds it a bit awkward finding a job for his best mate.

His what?

Well, never fear.

Lisa is here.

Right, let's get your CV on the system.

Qualifications. Oh, you went to university, didn't you? Yes.

Oh, I did theology.

Ooh.

What's that again?

It's like R -E, only worse.

I got a third.

Have you given any thought into what it is exactly that you would like to do?

Let's try a different pack.

Are there any areas that you would definitely rule out?

Well, I don't like children much.

OK. And I don't like old people either.

But basically anything in between?

Well, basically.

We're narrowing it down.

Morning? Where have you been all night, you dirty little stop -out? Why didn't

you call?

I've been worried sick, et cetera, et cetera.

Oh, my God.

Is that... Are you trying to sound like a normal mother?

Yes. How was it?

Awful. Good. Now you know how lucky you are to have me.

It came, by the way.

Mum!

Oh, it's beautiful.

Yeah, it's all right, isn't it?

You better take it into your room tonight so Greg doesn't see it. Yeah,

Oh, God.

Look at you.

What's wrong?

You look so... Damn it!

I am a normal mother after all.

Well, maybe you're just the best of both worlds.

I will take that.

Right.

Shower, hair, teeth.

God, my life's so hectic.

No. No, I don't think so. No.

Well, that's pretty much it.

I'm doing my best here, Roger, but I can't work miracles.

You should know that better than anybody.

You've got a third in theology.

Yes, I know.

I just thought I should be doing something.

Something worthwhile, something meaningful.

You were doing something worthwhile and meaningful.

Roger.

Why did he quit?

Do you know why they call vocations callings?

It's literal.

It's because they call to you.

I've been listening a long time and I just don't hear anything anymore.

Calling?

That's it?

Sorry? The call centre!

No, that's not what I meant! Shut up!

It's perfect.

Here it is.

The contract came in last week.

They take anybody.

It's two days' training and he's straight on the job.

Everything OK?

No.

The call centre.

Well, it's perfect for you, Rog.

It's a help desk and that is what you are good at, helping people. No, no, no,

but this is not that. He said no to everything else.

Right, well, you are not going to say no to this.

My mate's the MD. I'll put a word in.

We could probably get you a start by Monday.

Monday? Oh, I'm sorry. Did you have plans?

I'll make the call.

God, I can't look at the supermarket.

No, no, no. I think we're done here.

Help you, mate?

Go on, Miss, please.

Do I own it?

No.

I hope I shouldn't have anything.

Yeah, I think so.

Just gonna have a word with him then, shall we?

Hang on, what exactly...

Hey

Bradley, check this out.

Sex in the city.

Oh,

we are a bit sex in the city.

Three youngish, uber -professional women out on the town. A la carte dining in

our lunch hour.

Pie, chips and gravy times three, is it? I

don't know why you think it would be here.

If you say the police took it, then... Then what?

Eh? Because you and I both know it's not with them anymore.

Because you sent your boy here two nights ago to go and get it back.

Do you know what you're talking about, mate?

No.

So that wasn't you in some bird -dressed -eye fucking catwoman we watched drive

it out of there, then?

Oh,

you mean you didn't know?

Well, I guess I should have been talking to you all along, then.

Now, where is he?

Gone.

Defying gone.

Burned.

Josephine, what have you done? Hey!

Oh, I didn't show a little bit of respect. You obviously thought he was

you a favour, didn't he?

Mm.

Didn't you?

Now, the problem is, my friend bought that car in good faith.

He just said it was clean.

Absolutely.

Absolutely.

Er... £500, won't it?

Yeah. Take it full refund.

Plus there's an extra hundred there for the inconvenience, like.

Well, that's a start, isn't it?

Now that it's a small matter of the foreground, my mate, I'd stash it under

back seat.

What?

Sounds to me like if that car had been left with the police much longer, you'd

have been in a lot more trouble than we would.

We'd have got it back.

From a police impound.

You seem to manage it.

Well, then maybe you should be thanking me.

Yeah, yeah, maybe we should, yeah.

Give me your phone.

Why?

Jesus, just give me my phone.

Catwoman, yeah?

You know, I'm going to need you to pay your debts back, so I'm afraid.

You'd see yourself on call.

I'm sure you won't mind him being lying a bit, will you?

No.

So, when did she spring this on you?

Well, she didn't. Greg did. This morning.

You know what Tanya's like.

Right. Well, if she's staying at yours, I'm coming over with a bottle of wine.

This whole no -hen party thing's been doing mine nothing.

Least we could do is have a couple of glasses the night before.

Good idea. Me too.

Probably have to stop over, mind. Stop over?

What if we're going to get pissed?

Well, nobody said anything about getting pissed.

No. No, I fully intend to get pissed.

Oh, can I come too, then? What?

No.

Hang on.

Look. And you were very specific about not having a hen party. Now, this sounds

a lot like a hen party.

It's definitely not.

Is it not?

Nah.

Well, it's OK, then.

Oh, Ella, your mum's stopping over tomorrow night.

You come too.

We're just going to have a few drinks, you know, toast the blushing bride.

Not a hen party, is it? No, absolutely not, no, no.

OK. OK, great.

Unexpected pleasure.

I can't stop. I just wanted to drop this off.

What is it?

The tab for Saturday.

When everybody comes back here after the wedding, you're not coming too.

I said I'd cover that.

Mum insisted.

Though I'm sure you could call her if you wanted to discuss it.

You can tell me to mind my own business, if you like. Mind your own business.

But it would obviously mean a lot to that girl if you were there.

I can't even work out why you don't want to be there.

I mean, don't get me wrong.

If Charlie ever gets hitched to some other poor sap, I certainly won't be

RSVPing any time soon.

But Charlie's a grade -A arsehole.

Tanya's not.

And Ella's breaking her heart.

You want to go, don't you?

I would see it.

I don't understand what's stopping you.

I pay you to run the bar, not counsel me.

The counselling's free.

Then it's way overpriced.

Hello. I'm after ordering one of them leather jackets. It's showing at the

moment.

Yes. Yes, I know. This is the tenth time I've called you today and I'm going to

keep on ringing until I actually get an answer.

Fine. Yeah, well, it better have be first thing in the morning because this

my life we're talking about here.

Oh.

It's like talking to a brick wall.

I still don't know anything.

Someone's ringing me back in the morning.

Apparently. I believe that when it happens.

How was your day?

Fine. Where's Roger?

Oh, him.

He came in after lunch, went straight up to his room. I haven't seen him since.

He's probably soaking.

I made him get a job today. Oh, well, yes, he is at that difficult age, isn't

he?

I'm sure he'll come down when he's hungry. Speaking of which, I thought we

order a pizza tonight.

What?

Oh, yeah, yeah, sure, fine, whatever.

I'm telling you, Dad, it's not a hen night.

It's just a few mates having a drink and stopping over.

Were they going to stay?

I don't know. We'll make room.

Don, Don!

Oh, look at that.

You want to get yourself one of these, mate? They're always so happy to see

Hello, boy.

Have you missed me?

Have you?

Good boy.

Oh, shut up, you clown.

Listen, you're going to have to have a word with Lisa. She's having to get in

every bugger stopping over tomorrow night.

Jenna, Denise, Pauline. What? I'm already on the camper.

She'll be checking that off me next.

I'll be kipping it car before she's done.

What's he playing at, Dan?

No end parties, we said. No, Lisa said it wasn't an end party.

Then why is it full of ends?

Must think we're stupid.

Two can play that game.

Follow me.

All right.

Did you know your wife's stopping over at ours tomorrow night?

No, I didn't. Well, she is.

Hello.

Hello.

So I say me, you, Bazza and Greg all pile round to yours, have a few beers,

ourselves a poker night on the go. Damn.

What? It's not a stag do.

If that's not a hen party, then this isn't a stag do.

You're probably right, Greg. The definitions do seem to be a lot looser

you'd think.

What do you say?

Fine by me.

Sounds like I was going to be stuck in on my own anyway.

Nice one.

There you go, all sorted.

What are you on about?

You've literally done the exact opposite of everything I said. Mate, it's fine.

It's not a stag do.

Cheers, Cam. See you tomorrow.

Yeah, see you.

Bye.

Bye.

Sounds like fun.

Do you want to come?

Oh, could do.

Yeah, I mean, if you don't mind.

You any good at poker?

Never played it.

See you there, then.

to the bottom.

You don't know anything.

I know you're a pain in the neck. I know that.

Dan!

Dan! Dan!

Will you shut it?

You know he's the only one who can get it down this early.

Oh, for God's sake.

What?

Poker face?

It's all in the eyes, you know.

And you're wearing them now because... Because they also happen to make me look

really cool.

Yeah,

Dan, you're a regular James Dean.

Well, that's me mum sorted. What the rest of you having?

I actually think it'll be good for her tonight.

Keep her mind off Charlie.

I really don't think her mind's on him anymore.

Who knew art and was such an effective way to mend a broken heart?

Well, that's how I'm only down.

Poker face.

Poker face.

Poker face, poker face.

My, my, my, my.

Poker face, poker face.

Can't read my, can't read my. No, he can't read my poker face.

He's got to love... You all right?

Am I in that table, Baz?

You OK?

What?

Yeah, of course I am.

So have you got everything? Are we ready to go?

Well, I guess the next time I see you, we'll be in front of the vicar.

It's kind of weird, isn't it?

Kind of.

Right, go on then, have a kiss. Hurry up.

How funny you're not a hen, do.

How funny you're not a stag, do.

Right, come on.

You are taking an alarm clock, right?

Who?

I've known her all my life, Greg.

Cheryl.

She thinks I'm still at work.

Roger the Dodger, how's your bit of half?

What? Fergus.

Oh, yes, very funny.

Stand another evening alone at home with him and the Manson family. Oh,

Pauline's not around, is she? No, not at all. Jolly good. I shall have a scotch,

please.

Sorry, I'm under strict orders.

Half pints only.

Oh.

She's not my mother, you know. She's everybody's mother.

Do you want that half or not?

Fine.

You said you were going to Cornwall.

Yeah.

That was a ruse, wasn't it?

You were only moving Cornwall.

I've had this safe shells trip booked for months.

Tanya doesn't have a clue.

Fold.

What do you mean you're going straight from the church?

I mean, we go out, we get in the limo, we go to the airport.

Ella's been secretly packing her case all week.

Tanya's got so many clothes she never even noticed.

Oh, er... Stick.

You don't say stick.

Fold. Yeah, I fold and all.

What about the reception?

What reception?

Stick.

I mean fold. He's confusing me.

The reception at the dog.

It's not reception.

That's just somewhere for you lot to have a drink on us.

But what about my speech?

I've written a speech.

What do you do that for?

I told you not to. I know what you told me.

Well, I'm not wasting it. This thing's absolute gold.

I'll just have to do it here instead.

What? Here.

Deal me out the next hand.

Dan? It meant to be really good, you know.

All right, let's do it.

Show me what you've got.

Oh.

Flush, I think.

That's the fifth hand in a row.

Are you sure it's not us losing?

What, have I won again?

It's good, this game, isn't it?

I tell you, he moved pretty fast for someone when I tried to.

He was at the door before Barry had even sat down.

you'd talk me dad into pretending that he was a swinger. It was his idea.

You're a bad influence on him. Oh, she's a bad influence on everybody.

Hey, where's the bride?

Toilet. Again?

She seems a bit quiet this evening. Is she all right?

Just nervous, I suppose.

What's she got to be nervous about?

She's done it before.

Anyway, Denise, you had a date the other night and all, didn't you?

Oh, him? Yeah.

She went out with Adam Wyatt.

That shaved chimp?

Why in God's name would you do that?

Who's Adam Wyatt?

A prick.

It's still probably the only date I'll have all year.

Oh, then you keep saying that.

But there's someone out there for everybody.

But I don't want someone.

I want the one.

I just don't know what that really means.

Well, what you need is a list of pros and cons.

What you look for, what you don't look for.

I'll start you off with a few cons.

Wouldn't be too tall.

Wouldn't be in a band.

Oddly specific, Pauline.

And I'll give you some pros.

He must have a nice bum.

Yep, that's about it.

I think I just want someone who gets me.

And I suppose someone who will love Josh.

And have a nice bum.

Oh, yeah.

He is out there, Den.

Someone who gets you.

Someone who'll love Josh.

And someone with a nice bum.

And when you find him, all the bad ones that came before, they just won't matter

anymore.

Right, I'm going to go and see if Mum's all right.

Dan! I'm not really here, I'm not really here.

That's what you're doing!

Ah, gold.

Very cool.

Same again, same again, please.

Oh.

Do you reckon they're going to need it there for another couple of hours yet?

Yeah, I'm going to.

Hey.

Hey.

He's lying. He's in a pub.

He's coming home now.

You're barred.

Go home.

Apologise. Hey, who the fuck do you think you are?

Which is why I was glad when the vicar got to the whole speak now or forever

hold your peace part.

Obviously, you need to imagine that the wedding's already happened for this bit.

Got to the whole speak now or forever hold your peace part that Big John from

Cell Block 8 didn't suddenly pipe up.

I got me a tattoo that says that boy's already betoed.

Who's Big John?

And why is he from the Deep South?

No. Because I mentioned him right at the beginning, didn't I?

When I... When I was talking about Greg's time inside and... How...

It was right at the start.

I feeded it in.

It was a callback.

Right. This lobster goes into a bar.

We're closing early. Everybody out.

Out! Now!

All of you!

Bradley. Braddus. Braddus, you don't need me, do you?

Oh, come on, Bradley. It's not even ten o 'clock yet.

They made me get a job in a call centre.

No sanctuary.

See, if I was Nita's age and I had her face, not her hair,

I wouldn't be worried about fellas.

Not the bees' knees and hands all.

Bloody Adam.

Bloody Wyatt.

Prick.

Did you hear about what she said?

About what he said.

About shutting down the park.

To lethalise the park.

I hope they stop him.

I hope... People should.

We should.

We should.

We should.

Sure.

We are respectful business leaders in the community.

I'm not too sallow.

Jenna, you and me are Mount Pleasant.

Tanya and Ella have passed out on the sofa.

I'm going to kick them berries.

It's definitely staying over there, isn't it?

Me and Jenna.

Me and Janet are going to protest against the closure of the park.

What park?

Park.

Can you protest about it tomorrow?

I think you both better get your heads down now.

No, I... Yeah, right, I don't think so.

Come on, up you come.

When does everyone go to bed?

I suppose you'd better come in.

and you.

It's half my life.

Do you remember I used to talk about the little boxes, the ones in my head?

Yeah.

Every time I had to leave our home in the middle of the night and start over

somewhere else, I'd take those memories and I'd put them in one of the little

boxes.

All the friends that I might have had.

All the life that I might have started to build.

I packed them all up and I put them in a box and I sealed it.

You're not running away this time, are you?

Half of my life, Bradley.

That's a very big box.

And I don't want to seal it.

I just don't want it hurting me anymore.

I nearly sparked a guy out tonight.

It's okay.

I didn't.

Cheating on his wife.

Lying to her, hurting her.

Just saw Red.

Actually, I saw myself.

You never cheated.

I still lied.

I still hurt.

You know, our daughter, she just thinks we need closure.

She's a lot smarter than you and I.

Yeah, I know.

How does that happen?

I've never really said it, have I?

I'm so sorry, Tanya.

All those years I've told, all the running, all the hiding, all the...

Lies. I don't think I could have... I forgive you.

I do.

I just think I needed to say it.

Almost as much as you needed to say all of that.

pleasure.

Hey, little sister, what have you done?

Hey, little sister, who's the only one?

Hey, little sister, who's your superman? Hey, little sister, who's the one you

want? Hey, little sister, shotgun!

Nice day for a white wedding.

It's nice day to start again. Thank you, thank you, thank you.

Go, go, go!

Daisy Phillips.

Tanya and Greg have been fainted together in Poliwood and have witnessed

same four times.

Pick it up! Now pronounced to man and wife, Mr Brown.

I let you go for so long.

I let you go for so long.

It's a nice day to start again.

Come on, it's a nice day for a great wedding.

It's a nice day to...

I was sad you'd come in here giving it this.

Stupid. It's not even about a wedding.

He doesn't get it.

Oh, God, there he is, Rayman.

Never played poker before in his life.

Completely wiped the floor with it. Oh, well, at least you won't play for real

money.

Quite busy, isn't it?

Oh, yeah.

Sorry about that.

What can I get you?

Bacardi peach with ice and lemon, please.

Excuse me.

You're Roger, aren't you?

No.

Yes, you are.

I've heard all about you.

Excuse me.

But you married two of my very good friends this morning, and I have to tell

you, quite frankly, that your diction left a lot to be desired.

At least I did it sober.

Actually, I'm surprised elocution concerns you these days.

Can't be much need for it when you're washing dishes for a living. That is

you're doing now, isn't it? You listen to her, Missy.

Roger actually is embarking on a whole new exciting career in the call centre

industry as it goes, aren't you, Roger?

Well, that must be very fulfilling.

No.

Oh, no.

Somebody do something.

What about them?

Those two can't get together.

They'd be here all the time then.

We'd never get rid of him.

Oh, he likes him, really. I don't.

Ooh, another nice wonder.

Pauline, what are they talking about?

How they don't like it when pets have people names.

Oh,

they're nice for each other.

Anyway, never mind about them. What are you talking about?

You planning this protest of yours? Who's having a protest?

These two are.

Really? And what exactly are you both protesting?

Some park that Wyatt bloke's building over.

Oh, for God's sake.

Excuse me?

Since when were you an eco -warrior? Hang on, is it that park in the Deans?

I think she did say that was the one, yes. The one with the rusty swings and

the weeds.

I can just imagine these two churning themselves to the railings.

We shall not be moved till it happens.

What's that supposed to mean?

You think we can't do it, don't you?

Well... We are doing it, so... Aren't we?

Yes.

Yes, we are.

All right, all right. I think we've all forgotten why we're here.

Come on, up. Everybody, up.

A toast.

To Tanya and Greg.

Tanya and Greg.

This is because he called you Linda, isn't it?

Shut up.

Garage.

Everything all right, Finn?

I'll be watching you.

Every single day.

Every word you say.

Every game you play. Every night you stay.

I'll be watching you.

we might be in a little bit of trouble.

You will be pleased to know that the revolution has begun.

Time to play the backpacking game again. Go, go, go!

Have you ever done a DN?

It stands for death notification.

And that's about the worst thing you'll ever have to do.

If you do love him, ask him why he quit his job, why he didn't tell you, and

where he's been all this time.

I've sat on a hundred different sofas and watched a hundred different people's

lives fall apart.

I've never had to do it to a friend before.