Original subtitles

Very nice, Spikey. Just the right air of sophistication. And beautifully

weighted. And a real bargain, Arthur.

You could buy him for a bottle, knock him out, Cockerby.

I can't quibble. I take the lot. I knew you'd be a good mark, Arthur. I'll let

you have the money at the end of the month. Uh -uh -uh.

I want cash on delivery up front now.

Spikey. Spikey, how far back do we go together?

That's why it's strictly cash.

Is this the way you treat an old pal who's a bit strapped?

All right, all right. End of the week.

No!

Is this the fruit of our years of dealing together? A cursory no?

Yeah.

Arthur, it's well known you could talk a banana out of it again.

But your credit is as alluring as the British Ralph's army. All right, if

your attitude, there's no point in going on with this conversation.

Ta -ra. Bilk in haste, repent at leisure. I'll tell you what.

Three quid and a little bit of credit.

No. Now, leave me alone, Arthur.

Spikey. Leave me alone.

Spikey!

Spikey!

It's diabolical. I cannot operate under these strictures.

I told Spikey it's a well -known economic fact that a certain amount of

speculation is the norm among the business community.

And the bank is being positively Dickensian in limiting my credit

You don't get a chance with the exchequer rifling through his pockets

change every time he swings a deal with our brothers in Brussels.

Put that on the slate, Dave. I can't find the chalk, Arthur.

Oh, well, cough up.

Peel me a grape, would you?

Oh! You can take that look right off your face.

I've got to catch my bus.

What are you grinning at?

There's a cab drag around the corner.

Come on, come on, Ray.

Taxi!

Oh, what a dismal day.

I have one of them super saver day tickets. A yellow with a brown stripe

the back.

This is ridiculous.

Look, I can't find it. Can't you trust me? Bloody fair, Dodger.

Ray. Ray.

I know you're in there.

Raymond, open the door.

I'm making a spectacle of myself out here.

Raymond?

Hey,

hold on, Arthur. Where are you going?

Arthur, what are you doing here? Look, I've phoned the flat, the lock -up and

the club. You have got to be available when I need you, otherwise there is no

point in the whole arrangement.

I'm so sorry, Arthur. I didn't realise that when you rented me the flat, it was

a prison cell.

In gratitude, Raymond. The serpent's tooth.

What are you looking for?

Nothing. It's probably just my imagination.

Oh, hello, Arthur.

Oh, morning, miss.

Oh, tea.

I'm gasping.

Oh, well, I'll just put the kettle on again, then, shall I?

Don't smoke that in here.

So what's the big emergency?

I have once again fallen victim to the criminal congestion that is strangling

this city.

The old in the wall has eaten me card.

And to add insult to injury, the forces of darkness have swiped me motor.

You'll have to go down to Pound and get it out.

Oh, terrific. That's going to cost me an arm, isn't it? Well, take it out of

your wages. I'll settle with you later.

Oh, come on. Hurry up.

You don't mind if I get dressed first, do you?

Raymond. Yes, Arthur.

You're getting your feet under the table here.

Makes a change for my place.

Be careful, my son.

Variety may be the spice of life, but women have a habit of creating routines.

And before you know where you are, you aren't anymore.

You're such an old sexist, Arthur. Raymond, language, please.

Bye. Bye, miss.

Oh, thanks for the tea.

What was it called again?

Lapsang Souchong.

Very pungent.

Barry, will you be home before lunch?

I dare it. Okay, be good.

Home?

Pick up the daimler and bring it back to lock up as quick as you can.

Yeah, hold up. How am I supposed to get there?

On you get.

Great.

That's it.

There you go, print work. Part oil.

Business looks good, Daigler.

Oh, can't complain, Arthur.

We've had a rush job on for the poor stunning rocket propaganda at Wembley.

I could knock you out a brace of tickets near the front.

Give away prizes.

No, Ernie Indoors won't turn up for any artiste except Matt Munro.

And he don't seem to give as many concerts as he used to.

Centre Court, Wimbledon, finals day. Now, either stew or forms a sport by the

turf. Ascot. Gold Cup.

inclusive of champagne and caviar in the knobs enclosure.

Very tempting, Dayglo, very tempting.

No, what I'm really interested in is the merchandise you mentioned the other

night.

Say no more. I'll pop round later with me case of samples.

Very good.

Good? They're perfect.

The man is an artist.

Remember the year I got into Buckhouse Garden Party?

Oh, yeah.

One of his. Yeah, the question is, though, will they stop me getting towed

It's all a question of psychology.

Your average traffic warden is a creature of routine.

He sees that plastic packet glistening underneath your windscreen wiper. He

assumes one of his low -sim colleagues has got in first.

He may pause briefly to check the details.

But he'll quickly move on, looking for fresh blood, leaving you free to go

your business, knowing your car is inviolable on the yellow lines of

Sold. Give me two bookfuls. Wise man.

Daily into Europe. Managing Director speaking.

Oh, hello, Gloria.

Oh, no, no, he's not back yet. I'll give you one, Brent. One ounce low.

Give you wider scope.

Marvellous. Yes, certainly I'll take a message. What is it?

Oh, turned over.

Oh, unfortunate.

I'll do Cary Lambeth as well. I'll be ever down Lambeth way.

Yeah, yeah, I'm writing it down.

You've got any Westminster?

They're privatised down there. Very honourable. I think they must be on

piecework. Yeah, yeah, I'm writing all that down.

Right. Yeah, not at all. No, my pleasure. Bye -bye.

Oh.

Now, these are a lovely job.

What that dead eye want?

Oh. No, never mind. I don't want to know.

Here, Arthur. You owe me 105 smackers, and I want it back before tonight. All

right, all right. It's all in order. Good.

My cigar's still there. Yeah, front compartment.

There's someone after me. He's everywhere.

What are you going on about? Who's after you? Never mind the questions. You're

supposed to be my minder. Get out there and sort him out. Yeah, but who?

I don't know. He's got a funny hat on. Go on. Look, Arthur, just chill out.

it easy. Go on, go on.

Arthur, there's no one here.

I'm sure.

Look around you, course I'm sure.

Well, there was.

Arthur!

No, be great.

You can't be serious, Arthur. That man's a complete shark.

Purely temporary measure. That's what Dermot from the Crown and Scepter said,

and he ended up in a car boot in Wembley. A small advance.

I desperately need cash.

You desperately need your edex, haven't you?

Here, hold up. I want a double yellow. I can't leave it here. I'm not going down

a pound again.

No, no, no. That's all right. That's all right.

What are you doing?

Where did you get that?

Ha -ha.

Arthur, you can't do that. I've already done it, Raymond.

I cannot afford tow -aways every time I go abroad in London.

And at 50p a throw?

Dayglo says he's had very positive results of their usefulness. Dayglo,

and Nobby Green really are mixing with the cream today, aren't we, Arthur?

Arthur!

Lovely to see you again. Come in, make yourself comfortable.

Nobby? Raymond, you have grown.

Nobby?

So... What can I do for you?

You think that was a good deal?

You don't understand these things. I understand. You went in to borrow 400

and left owing a grand. As Nobby says, centralise your debts.

Well, he would, wouldn't he? At 40 % interest a month.

If I pay the whole lot back within a fortnight, I don't pay any interest at

And how are you going to do that, eh? Arthur, you've been filly. Look, I'm

pressure. I can do without this from kith and kin.

And I'll have me under and fired back now, if you don't mind. What?

Stop. What?

It's him. Who? Top of the stairs.

No, don't look round.

Arthur, what are you doing?

Hello there. What can I do for you?

You got an Arthur Daly round?

It's VAT, I know it is.

Or in -land revenue, or worse.

I've got some very dodgy creditors. You slope off. Leave this to me.

I've heard he hangs out here.

Yeah, well, I don't see him, but who's asked him?

Bill McKay.

Investigator. Is he?

What kind of investigator?

One who finds things out for people who want things finding out.

Well, perhaps this gentleman can help you.

Ray, there's somebody here looking for Arthur.

G'day. Could you tell me where I can find Mr Daly?

What's it about?

It's a personal matter. I'd rather give it straight to him.

Well, Mr McCabe, I'm Mr Daly's personal assistant.

A vet will call it.

And we don't like private investigators.

So why don't you...

Do thank you, son.

Knock it off. We don't want no trouble in here.

Well, that's fine.

But I've been hired to find a Mr Daly because there's reason to believe he may

be the beneficiary of an inheritance.

May I introduce myself?

Arthur Daly. Managing Director, Daly Autos. That's my nephew you're shaking

hands with.

Did I even say something about an inheritance?

Wooly molly security.

Wooly maloo.

It's in Sydney, Australia.

Australia?

I don't have any relatives in Australia.

I think you may. Very distant, but relative nonetheless.

Oh, so who is this gentleman who's popped his... passed on?

Mr Joshua Daly.

Businessman. Came out to Australia shortly after the last war.

He died a year ago intestate.

Oh, poor man.

What a way to go.

He means he didn't leave a will.

I know.

That's the point I'm making.

So how does Arthur fit into all of this?

I'm coming to it.

The solicitors back home found that Joshua was the last of his line of

but they traced him back to a Rory Daly, his great -grandfather.

It seems before he hooked up with Joshua's great -grandmum, he'd had a

marriage to one Grace Daly who he lived with in Wilsdon.

Did he really?

And if they had any children, the inheritance would go to their

What, me?

Well, it's possible.

Meet me here at half past three.

Oh, this is it, Raymond.

Obviously a quality set -up.

I could be a few noughts up on a bank balance here. Well, let's see what the

brief has to say for now. It's my lucky day. I can feel it in me water.

I've just thought, I'm a Daly. Will I stand to get anything?

Raymond Daly.

Oh, I can see the greed flickering behind your eyes.

I just thought... I trust Avarice is not going to rip this family asunder. I

just thought... May I remind you, your father is younger than I am. Yeah, OK,

but... And as the oldest Daly, I am the next in line.

You haven't seen Prince Andrew kicking up a stink about which way the cake's

going to be carved when Her Majesty, God forbid, goes to that great throne room

in the sky and the job's chalked down to Charlie.

I only meant... You just keep your overweening ambitions on a tight cord.

see you're all right.

Can I help you? Oh, yes. Arthur Daly, I believe, unexpected.

Oh, yes. If you'd like to take a seat, Mr Mulder will see you in a moment.

I wonder what human miseries these walls have witnessed.

Bankruptcies, broken marriages, fallers foul of the law, lonely and

dispossessed, crying out for help.

Oh, that reminds me, um, what's her name?

Lucretia, called.

Do you mean Gloria?

Oh, that's the one, yeah.

What's she say?

She's been turned over.

Burglar? When was this? This morning.

Well, thanks a bunch for telling me. I thought I'd got to get over this. No,

no, no. The police have got it all in hand.

Best to leave these things to the professionals, right?

Mr. Mardu is for you now. Oh, thank you.

Come, Raymond.

Detective Constable Field. I understand you reported a break -in. That's right.

Come in.

Hello. What's missing?

Well, that's the odd thing. Only my cameras and lenses. I'm a photographer,

see. But nothing else seems to be missing.

Yeah, that's not unusual.

Thieves usually know what they're going for.

Any sign of a break -in?

There is a dodgy latch on the bathroom window, but it could have got in through

there. When did you notice they were missing?

This morning.

It could have got in last night, because I was down at the pub with my

boyfriend. Yeah, can I have his name, please?

Oh, hold on. You don't think he's got anything to do with this, do you? Just

routine. For the report.

Raymond Daly.

Ray Daly?

Hmm?

As in Arthur Daly?

You know him?

Yeah, I've come across him.

Do you have any serial numbers for the cameras?

Er, yeah.

I'll have to go and dig them out.

Yeah, if you wouldn't mind. I'll just start making a few notes.

Ah.

A Pibran 85.

That's been open all night.

Oh, a good airing does wonders for a classic, Clarice.

Well, help yourself.

I've got to chuck it out.

Why not?

Bend the rules a bit.

So, let me get this straight, Mr Mouldier. You can't tell me... How much

likely to cop.

And anyway, you're not going to cough until I've proved that I am the extinct

relative.

Extant relative.

Of Disgrace Daly.

Correct. Seems fairly straightforward.

I'll nip down to Somerset House, get back to you this afternoon.

Actually, the public records are now kept at St Catherine's House. My

has the address.

I'm sure Mr McCabe will give you all the assistance he can.

Oh, thank you.

And I ended up on traffic duty.

I thought it was going to be like in the movies.

Driving fast cars, catching the villain in the final reel.

Yeah, in reality, it's 10 % plot and 90 % paperwork.

Hey, Gluck.

Hiya. This is Cozy.

Hello, Ray.

Small world, isn't it?

Looks like you drew the short straw down the neck, doesn't it? Well, at least he

got here before you did.

Yeah, and it looks like he's hard on the case.

Who was it who said a copper's lot is not an happy one?

Look, Gloria here very kindly offered me a glass of wine.

And very nice it is too.

I'm glad you're enjoying it.

Because I've just seen T -Title Timo coming up the stairs.

T .I. Timmies?

Yeah. You're having me on.

Oh, my God.

You'll smell it a mile off.

Look, stand over there and suck one of these.

Go on, move yourself.

Thank you, miss.

Ah, Field, they told me I'd find you here.

Afternoon, Constable.

Do you want a drink?

I don't. Frankly, it's a bit early in the day for anybody's that, don't you

think? Yeah, that's what your mate said.

Oh, well, please yourself.

Field, we've picked up a laddie around the corner who could be the joker that

you lost over the wall last week.

When you're finished here, come and hide in.

I trust you'll avoid driving and operating heavy machinery today, sir?

Certainly.

Sorry to disturb you, miss.

So that's how he managed to get around so fast.

Yeah, I like your bike.

Oh, it gets me from A to B.

You got a ticket already, Arthur?

Yeah, they're very keen round here.

Thank you.

Good afternoon.

Yes, sir, can I help you? Yes, I'd like to trace my family tree.

Yes, well, you've come to the right place.

Good. Well, if you'd like to tap my name into the computer, we'll wait over

there. It's Arthur Daly. I'm sorry, sir. This is a public search room. You do it

yourself. No, no, no. I'm no good with computers.

We don't have computers.

Let me explain.

This is like a reference library. You look through the books. Oh, I think I

could manage that. Where would I find the Daly tree? Under D?

It doesn't work like that.

We carry the indexes to births, deaths and marriages, which enables you to

for copies of a certificate.

Do you know the name of your mother and father?

Of course I do. What are you inferring? I'm not inferring anything, sir.

Do you have your grandparents' particulars?

Oh, not on me, no.

Then I suggest you start with your parents.

Through there.

Thank you very much. Thank you.

Do you understand that?

I think so.

When was your dad born? That's easy.

5th of November.

I was 12 before I realised that wasn't why people were letting fireworks off. I

thought he was so popular.

Yeah, but what year?

It comes in years.

Ah. He had me when he was 30, so it must have been about the turn of the

century. That's a bit vague.

Would you remember what year your dad married Grant?

Yeah, yeah, I do, as a matter of fact.

Two weeks after Armistice Day. I remember because Dad said the wedding

got out of hand. Uncle Monty got the ump. Somebody nicked his German helmet.

Armistice? Yeah, the end of the First World War. 1918.

How do you know? Oh, yeah, your blokes were there, weren't they?

Let's press on, shall we? Yeah. This way, Arthur.

It's a big place, isn't it? Well, the right people are being born. They need

premises. You know, they reckon there are more people alive today than there

ever have been in the whole of civilised history.

Do you mean the great majority has become a minority?

Why can't they put it all on Microdot like they do in the Bond films?

1925, 24,

June, December, 21.

Yeah, 1919, June, March, 1918.

CD for daily.

Here we go.

Yeah, gentlemen, gentlemen, a moment of respect, please.

We are, after all, in what is...

The shrine to the British through her history.

Layer upon layer of names. All who have helped, however small, to make the

country what she is.

A truly humiliating experience.

Can't you feel the weight of history itself?

The sense of timelessness? The public search room will be closing in 20

Better hurry up.

There must be more than 20 Dailies mentioned in 1918.

What was his first name? Albert.

Albert Daly.

Married to a Chandler. Yeah, Daisy Chandler, that's my mum.

Yeah, there he is.

Oh, look at that.

That's my mum and dad's name, writ large in this book.

Isn't that amazing?

What do we do now?

Well, we've got to take this reference number, then get a copy of the marriage

certificate. If we can find out his age at marriage, then we can search for his

birth certificate.

That's bound to have your grandparents' names on it, isn't it? And then we can

work back from there.

I am enjoying this.

Funny having all these records here, isn't it? It's amazing, isn't it? Yeah,

bit sinister, really.

No, it's not, Ray. There's nothing undemocratic about it. I mean, this is

England.

I find it quite exhilarating to think the daily history is incarcerated in

archives. Yeah, I wonder if they do criminal records and all.

Raymond, ex -policeman.

Yeah, Arthur, we're up. What?

I'll take the weight off me feet.

Try it.

Yes, sir? I'd like a copy of my parents' marriage certificate, please.

£5 .50.

£5 .50?

That's outrageous.

They've already paid for it once.

All copies of marriage certificates bought here cost £5 .50.

All right, hand it over. I've got four generations to get through here.

I can't give it to you now. We have to send it to you.

Send it to me? What are you talking about?

I'm standing here.

Well, you could pick it up. When? In a couple of days.

A few days? That's no good.

I've got to go back to 1840. It'll take months.

I'm sorry, sir. That's the way it works.

Look, I'm liable to cop a few, Bob, here.

If you could see your way to greasing the wheels a bit, I might find myself in

position where I could make a small donation.

This is a government department, sir. I'm a government employee.

So the dustbin men, but they still get their Christmas box, don't they?

Look, what me uncle's asking is, isn't there a quicker way?

Well, if it's urgent, you can pay an extra £14 .50 and collect it tomorrow.

No, that's no use.

Perhaps you should speak to the supervisor.

Sir.

Mr. Daly, the problem I can foresee is that public records only go back to

Are you trying to say that my family history pre -1837 is completely lost to

No, not at all, but the roots become more circuitous.

The only thing I can suggest is you hire a genealogist.

No, no, I don't want to talk to my ancestors.

I want to find out who they are.

A genealogist is the professional researcher of family history.

Oh, yeah? How much they cost?

£20 an hour?

We're dealing with cowboys here.

Job for the boys, isn't it? Putting all the work in the way of your mates.

Not at all.

In fact, as a public office, we're debarred from endorsing private

All right, all right. No, thanks.

No, thanks.

I'm sorry.

Between you and me, there are many retired people who enjoy doing the work

much less.

Well, thanks for your help.

Oh, and, uh... We want to get all that stuff downstairs properly indexed. It

would save the public an awful lot of grief.

So what's the next move?

Hire one of these old folks to dust off the record books?

What happens if we don't come up with anything? It could be good money after

bad. This is hopeless.

I'll have to go and see that solicitor again.

See if I can get him to speed things up.

It's too late now. He'll be shutting up shop for the weekend.

breaking my ribs.

Are you insane?

You took ten years off my life then.

I'm all in Twitter. Look, my legs are gone.

I thought you'd enjoy it.

Enjoy it?

I'm supposed to be looking for my ancestors, not joining them.

So, as you can see, me and my nephew worked our fingers to the bone on this,

we was wondering if you could see your way to filling in the gaps, so to speak.

I mean, there could be something in it for you.

I didn't hear that, Mr Daly.

I said we were wondering if you could... He heard you, Arthur.

Look, what exactly is this legacy anyway?

I mean, we could spend the rest of our lives looking for this, Grace Daly, then

find out Arthur's been left nothing more than a stamp album. Oh, it's more

valuable than a stamp album, I can assure you. Well, I'm not assured. And

he's beginning to get on my nerves, we're running around like endless

and you won't tell us what for. You must excuse my nephew.

He's in the hot flush of youth. Raymond, curb yourself.

Now, to get back to the nub of the matter... Mr Daly, to be honest with

Australian solicitor hasn't shared the details with me.

But try looking at it this way.

These people are going to a lot of trouble and expense, if you catch my

Could you expound on that, Squire?

Well, they've paid for Mr. McCabe to come over here. They've retained my

services. There you are, you see. The inheritance can't be peanuts, can it?

Don't forget they'll be shouting you a trip to Oz if you can prove your case.

Me?

Go to Australia?

I must say, I've had fun looking into your background.

Oh, I'm very pleased.

Quite, uh...

Colourful family, the Dailies.

Oh, well, we've had our moments. So what did you come up with?

Oh, a veritable hotbed of scandal and intrigue.

There's quite a fruitful source of literature.

Because the Dailies are always connected with public houses.

Did you know that?

You certainly upheld the family tradition there.

Please, the flippancy, Raymond.

So... I found it relatively easy to thread my way back through the Daily

Publicans. Yes?

Oh, yes. Now, your grandfather, Alfred Daly, was

proprietor of the Bunch of Nuts in Wilsdon Green for 50 years.

I vaguely remember that.

Which his father, your great -grandfather, Archibald Daly, had run

as a house of ill repute.

If most sources are to be believed.

Now, that's amazing.

Isn't it?

There's no need to dwell.

Now, what's more exciting is this.

Archibald Daly took over the bunch of nuns after his father, Alfred

Daly, had lost his license in 1838 at the bushel of hay

for illegal gambling.

It was all over the Wilson Chronicle.

And there were dark rumours of a liaison with the bishop's wife.

Could we have a little less of the gossip and a few more of the dates?

Oh, yes, well, now.

Alphonse Daly, your great -great -grandfather, became Osler, the Bushel

in 1829.

Yes, and?

That's all, I'm afraid.

What do you mean, that's all?

I've rooted out all the juicy bits.

Before Alphonse, the dailies don't seem to have made much of a mark.

I paid you £36.

I've done more than £36 worth of work.

I paid you that money expecting great things, and you've fallen short of my

expectations. By one generation.

All I can suggest is that you check through the parish records.

Local churches are frequently a rich scene in these matters.

That's the yellow line.

Never mind that now. I'm perching on the edge of a fortune here and you're

worrying about parking fines.

Come on.

The name is Norman, of course.

The chancel is a Victorian addition.

Oh, yeah.

Very Norman.

We suffered rather badly at the hands of Cromwell, 1538.

Destroyed a lot of the church. Them roundheads, all vandals. We dailies have

always been royalists.

Thomas Cromwell, not Oliver.

at the behest of Henry VIII.

There's always one, isn't there?

Vestry?

I can appreciate your anxiety, Mr Daly, but I'm afraid I don't really think I

can help.

But we was reliably informed that you would have a register of births,

and deaths.

You know, parish records.

Well, at one time we had... You haven't had a break -in?

It's nothing sacred.

No, no, no, no. Our records were destroyed by fire after an air raid.

A direct hit, I'm afraid.

An air raid?

The long hand of Luftwaffe wreaks havoc into the 90s. Actually, it was a

zeppelin in 1917.

Zeppelin? We were privileged to be one of the few documented casualties of

aerial bombing in the Great War.

Something of a first.

And it destroyed the Paris Register?

At a stroke.

Blighted, that's what I am.

Of course, there's still the physical evidence.

Come again? The gravestones are still in the graveyard.

Come on, Ray.

It's not easy, Arthur. They're out of reed. Well, hurry up.

This place gives me the willies.

They're only gravestones.

They may be only gravestones to you, but to a man of my years, they're picture

postcards from the Grim Reaper himself.

I'm not a man given to an overactive imagination in the normal course of

but it always seems to me something...

unnaturally still about a graveyard.

No matter how sunny the day,

there's always a chilling wind that penetrates even the warmest crumbie.

Ah! Oh, don't do that.

What you looking at me like that for?

I've found her. Found who?

You don't mean...

You know what this means, don't you?

Brilliant. And there is a letter from the vicar authenticating the Polaroid of

the gravestone.

Absolutely brilliant.

I must congratulate you, Mr Daly. Very thorough. Very thorough indeed.

I think you'll find all the paperwork's in order. Oh, yes. This definitely

establishes you as the extant descendant of Grace Daly.

Well, as I believe our American cousins say, I'm about to make your day.

First things first.

Here are two business class tickets to Sydney for you and your wife.

I don't understand it.

Dave's never late.

You don't think something's happened to him, do you?

They do say there's always misery to set against good fortune.

Will you pack it in, you old pessimist?

You've just been told you're practically a millionaire.

Enjoy yourself, Arthur.

No, it brings its own responsibilities, Ray.

I've often wondered what I'd do with my first million.

Yet most punters couldn't handle it.

I hope to assume the mantle of wealth with dignity.

What's going on?

Ray, hit that light.

I can't seem to find him, Arthur.

I don't like it.

There's some shenanigans afoot.

the jolly good fellow and so say all of us.

You could have knocked me down with a feather.

I'll see you later, Dave. And you, young Ray.

Presumably you've all heard the news.

Yes, my friends, I'm off down under, land of the midnight sun.

Been down to shops.

Got me mosquito spray.

Been measured for me safari suit.

Thank you, Ethel.

I've also got me shark repellent.

I might try that out on Nobby Green later.

But what I would like to say, the most valuable thing I will be taking with me

is the memory of you, my friends, here now.

I mean that from the bottom of my heart. I am very, very deeply touched.

The drinks are on Dave.

Keep all them champagne corks. I want to hang them around me trilby later.

I'm really made up, you are. I really am.

And about them fountain pens. Not another word, Spikey. No, but I can see

was too hasty.

Business is business.

Bicons be bicons. Water under the bridge. You're a gentleman, aren't you?

have some bubbles.

Cheers.

There you go. Good luck, Bill. See you later.

Mud in your eye, Arthur.

Oh, Fisher?

Which one?

Why, it's over.

That's a card.

Ballot advance I gave you.

Checks in the post, now. In your own time, Arthur.

Oh, by the way, not 20 % off in anticipation of future dealings. That's

broad of you, not me. Pass the back scratcher. We tycoons have got to stick

together. Come on, come up, you blast.

I don't mind if I do.

Here you go.

Cheers.

You looking forward to Australia?

Oh, I'll probably be a bit surprised to start with, but I pride myself on my

adaptability. Oh, you'll love it. Beautiful beaches, clean air, sun.

It's the sort of place a man can lay down a root.

I will keep an open mind, William.

When you get there, a first finger's on me. Done.

Congratulations, Mr. Daly. Oh, thank you, miss.

Are you going to come and have a dance? No, no, no. You carry on. You're only

young once.

Come.

Dave, that could be me and her indoors.

The Hammersmith Valley, 40 years ago.

Gather ye what's named what you may.

When I first met her indoors, I promised her the world.

And now, suddenly I can deliver.

You're all right.

Yeah, yeah.

Bit of smoke in here.

I always knew you'd get the top off. It took the time coming, didn't it?

We've trod a very long path together, Dave.

Oh, dear, don't say that again.

We've trod a very long path together, Dave.

Dave, I want you to know this.

Especially you.

I will not let this change me.

Nothing can change you, Arthur.

You're one of nature's elements.

Been doing a bit of celebrating.

Who's that?

Oh, Sergeant Worley. Good evening.

I'm just waiting for a cab. Oh, we've got a cab for you here, Daly.

Raymond's already in the back.

You talking riddles, Sergeant.

Recognise this?

I'm arresting you for evasion of liability under Section 3 of the Theft

1978.

Deception, Section 15, Theft Act 1968.

And we'll talk about a possible charge of forgery when we get down the nick.

All right, John.

All yours.

I don't like it.

It's not natural.

What's that, Sarge?

I've been after Daly for years.

I finally got in trust.

basted and ready for the oven, and he's behaving as if I've just told him he can

fly there undone.

Yeah.

Doesn't seem over -worried, does he?

Who's this brief he wants to bring in, anyway?

Oh, that's the other thing, Sarge. This Moliere's top bracket.

Cuss you an arm and a leg just at coughing his uppies.

I don't like it.

Ah, Mr Mouldier.

You've met Detective Sergeant Morley, I see.

Do have a seat.

Officer, Mr Mouldier and me would like a little bit of privacy, if you don't

mind.

Sorry about this, Mr Mouldier.

An inconvenience to our affairs.

But as you're my solicitor, I thought you should be in on the ground floor.

Yes, it's very regrettable, Mr Daly.

May I say how profoundly sorry I am that this should have happened?

These things are sent to try us.

Look, look.

Kangaroos. I must say, you're being very philosophical about this.

Substantial find.

I mean, it's hardly robbing the Bank of England, is it?

Oh, dear, Mr Daly, I see you're not aware of the ramifications.

There'll be a criminal record.

An unjust besmirchment on my character, which I'll be in a position to bear.

But the terms of the inheritance are very clear, Mr. Daly. The executives of

estate are very insistent that the recipient be a person of good character.

Do you mean... Exactly.

Should this case go ahead, I'm afraid there can be no question of inheritance.

Oh, my God.

I can't bear it.

I actually don't think I can bear it. A fortune dangled in front of me

and then snatched away at the last minute.

Oh, the cruelty.

Take it easy on a drink, Arthur.

Life is but a veil of tears.

You soldier along, trying your best, and round the corner, fate, ever waiting

with the old half -brick. It is always the sunniest days that Dame Fortune

chooses to mount her most vicious attacks.

Walking along, springing a step, then wallop.

Lying in the gutter, spitting out teeth.

But don't get too disappointed.

I can't take any more of this. I just don't believe it.

Dave.

Turn the oven on.

Come on, out with it. My mates see me with you, they'll think I'm on the take.

Yeah, the feeling's mutual.

I've come about this business with Arthur.

Silly man.

It's 400 quid minimum for tampering with a parking ticket. God knows how much

for carrying your own.

Well, can you do anything about it? What are you suggesting, Daly?

I'm a DC. I can't go fiddling with custody records.

I'll be done for perverting the course of justice.

Listen, Field, Arthur stands to inherit a fortune and get out of dodgy deals

forever.

Now, I know the Met is not the great democratic institution it likes to think

is, and things can be done.

So all I want you to do is have a word with your governor.

Tit for tat.

All right, I'll mention it to Morley.

Good man.

Told you, mate.

I'm not promising.

Field... You are a shining sovereign amongst a load of bent coppers.

You, er, have a look through this side.

Through what?

I've been thinking.

This parking business with Daly. Did anyone actually see him?

Well, it's all here in black and white, isn't it?

Four separate reports from four separate wardens of Daly's car with a fake

ticket. Yeah, but did anybody physically see Daly writing the tickets out?

Filling it in and actually putting it on the car?

You mean we haven't actually got a decent witness?

See what I'm getting at?

With a platinum brief like Moldy, it could be a complete blinking nose up in

court, couldn't it?

He would claim it was one of his mates who winded him up.

I don't believe it.

He's going to get away with it again, isn't he?

Not necessarily.

Daly, I'd like to have a little chat.

You'd better hurry up. I'm fading fast.

Listen to me.

It's been drawn to my attention that this business with the parking tickets

stands to come between you and the wherewithal to finally go straight.

Now, I'm not a vindictive man.

Seeing as this is the case, I'm prepared to drop all charges.

Pardon?

On one condition.

You use these snide tickets five times, according to my sources.

That's worth 400 quid fine each.

That makes two grand.

I'm prepared to forget all about it if you give that amount.

to the Metropolitan Police Benevolent Fund.

Really?

It's early.

Oh, gladly.

If I were a rich man...

What a result, Arthur. You're in your way, aren't you? He's going to be so

pleased. No, no, no, she's not coming. No, no, she put her foot down. She can't

abide abroad. She hates the food and her legs go funny.

Are you going on your own?

No, taking my business partner.

Dave.

Now, you, you addict, do you think I would leave you crying when

there's room on the plane for two?

That's one of Rolf's, isn't it?

What, you mean I'm going too? Yeah, yeah, of course. Come on, we've got a

do, a lot of packing to do.

Australia, here we come.

Hey, you'll have to get passports.

I'll get right on it, Arthur.

Once a jolly swag man, playing with his gooly gong.

Billabong, Arthur.

Playing with his billabong.

Marvellous. It's going to be brilliant.

Will we ever have chance?

I don't think so, no.

How long was the flight?

I think it'd be quite a long time.

Isn't it amazing? You think of it. Lady Luck marking me down as one of her own

on the other side of the world.

It makes you feel like one of them famous seafaring captains, you know,

Drake, Marco Molo, and the man, the man who discovered Australia himself,

Christopher Columbus.

Cook.

Oh, no, no, he was a captain, surely.

Cook discovered Australia. Oh, yeah, of course he did. Hence the travel agents.

Yes Arthur.