Original subtitles

Bye.

Arthur, can we have a little chat?

Hurry off. I've got this letter here from Snoop a Sneed.

Who's he?

The accountant, remember?

Please, Dave, I'm dealing with weighty matters here.

He says here you are legally obliged to have a board meeting at which

convocation the annual return must be presented before a quorum of its

preferably in the presence of a chartered accountant.

When do I go for the Evesham extension or the Grassingham gazebo? Come again?

Her indoors.

I'm thinking of getting her something for the back garden.

She's always had her leaning to the green finger. One of these glass houses.

Is that what these things cost? Well, you've got to pay for workmanship, Dave.

Yeah, well, not that I'd begrudge her indoors a real extension.

Can we get our priorities right?

Right.

We are about to hold a board meeting, and you're supposed to be a shareholder.

And so far, you have not shelled out the bean.

I mean, you've had all the benefits, and I've hardly seen a penny piece.

I've told you before, Dave, it's the recession.

It's dried up me cash flow.

How come then you can afford these here luxury leantos?

If you care to refer to page 59 by the terracotta squirrel offer, you'll see

they have easy terms available at competitive rates.

I've already sent me forms in.

Well, what's all this lead -in shooting?

1953, coronation year.

A house built in a greenhouse meant to celebrate the Queen's ascent to the

throne. I'm referring to my wedding anniversary.

Oh, there.

1953. We got off to a very good start.

Brief honeymoon in Shoebury Nest, and when we came back, I had acquired a

for a snack store in Trafalgar Square on Coronation Day itself.

Oh, what a team we were.

I was on the corned beef sarnies, her indoors was crushing the lemons for the

cordial. Poor Lorraine. It was a miserable day.

And then... As a procession turned into Whitehall, chucked her left at Admiralty

Arch, the sun shone through the storm clouds and glinted on the golden roof of

the coronation coach.

Her indoors turned to me, tearing her iron, a little catch in her voice, and

said, The sun is shining on our new monarch.

Radiant she was.

Well, Mrs Daly always did have a certain glow.

Not her, your prune, our new queen.

Oh.

Yeah, Marge, would you give Arthur another cup of coffee? What's she doing

that side of the jump? I thought her job was a quick mop and dust round before

the punters came in. I've asked Marge to be a relief barmaid. I have to be out

and about this morning.

Extra staff?

You're splashing out with our profits, Dave, aren't you? Our profits? Look,

Arthur, you have to buy the stamps to get the dividend. That's the point I've

been trying to make here.

Especially with old Snoop and Steve coming to have a look at the books.

Somebody at the door, Dave?

Yeah, I heard.

Oh, Jimmy.

Hello, Jim.

What are you doing in this part of the world?

Hello, Arthur.

I won't get you in a minute, Jimmy.

Arthur, I'll see you later.

Well, don't be long, cos I'm just off to pick up Toby.

Right, right, right.

See you later, Jim.

Old Toby.

15 years.

It's been a long time.

Are you coming?

No, no, I'll wait.

I know what you mean.

What is it like in there?

It's not too bad.

Once you get used to the routine.

Knowing Toby helped a lot. Knew the ropes.

Steered me up a few cushy numbers.

Prison library, that sort of thing.

You're a good lad, old Toby.

A little touch of class.

Hey, officer, take a good look at these men.

They're a menace to society.

Ha, ha!

So be it!

Ha, ha, ha!

Oh, Leonard, Leonard.

Are you still serving the old special? He's came by. He's still in coronation.

It's marvellous to be out after.

Back in the bosom of one's friends.

All I've got to do now is find a friend with a decent bosom, eh?

Ha, ha, ha!

Oh!

Man, it's a time I lay stretched out in my cell, daydreaming about one of Len's

specials. God bless you, Squire, and all your descendants unto the seventh

generation. Now, if you'll excuse me, gents, I'll just run this over the old

shoppers and roger the consequences.

Long time since you had a decent drink, eh, Tom? Well, barring the odd glass or

two of homebrew and a nip or two of cooking, sherry, nigh on 15 years.

Oh, that's like a slap in the kisser.

From a wet halibut.

Oh, yeah. Your fair hand has lost none of its skill in the passing of the

young sir.

I'll have another one all round.

No, no, steady, Toby.

You've got to pace yourself, remember. You're not used to it.

That's right, Toby.

Everything in moderation.

More moderation?

You can stuff more moderation, my son. You can take more moderation outside and

give it a good kicking.

I've had 15 years of my moderation and I'm here to tell you that my moderation

ain't all it's cracked up to be.

No, my son.

Thank you. Give me excess and plenty of it.

Cheers. Well,

where are they, Dave? I can't wait round all day. I've got things to do.

You know what? Toby wanted to have his hair cut.

Apparently they're not up to Vidal Sassoon's standards in the scrubs.

Where is he?

Where's Dave the Boy Green, eh?

Whoops.

He's a right snook.

Push me, eh?

Oh, quartermaster.

Say that man's name.

Where you been?

Fingers in the till again, eh?

Toby Jones, I say.

Come here, you old whiskey waterer.

Who's that?

Oh, this is Ray.

Oh, yeah? Hello, Ray.

Ray who?

Ray Daly.

You're Ray?

Little Sugar Ray Daly. I don't believe this. You know, the last time I saw you,

you were that big.

Do you know why I called you Sugar Ray? Yeah, I know. Sugar Ray Leonard. No,

Robinson.

Fine boy, fine boy.

Yeah. Oh, I've got to, you know, splash the old brogues.

Yeah.

Who's Nick Ducati?

Oh, it's over here now. Oh.

Somebody's jiggling the carpet.

When you finish, we'll be in the function room.

Oh, good.

I'll have a large one.

What? Show a bit of respect.

He was very good to your dad when he fell foul.

Yes, I've heard.

What's your interest in him? We were in the same gang as kids.

Look, I hold no brief for tea leaves, but I have a sneaking admiration for

His was a perfect crime.

If it was so perfect, how come he got caught? He didn't. He got pulled for

drunken disorder. He got confused and confessed to the lot.

Tragic misunderstanding.

Must have been some job.

Dad said he got 15 years.

What, after 63 other offences to be taken into account?

Yeah. What was this gang you was in then?

The Brentford Backhanders.

Craftiest bunch of kids from West Lundy you could find. All grew up to be

pillars of the Wilson business community.

Blood brothers for life.

Hey, give us a backhander, you old backhander.

Oh, he's a fine boy, you know. I feel a bit out of place here. I'm going to

shoot off.

Got an old school friend of me own to meet up with, you know what I mean?

Yeah, well, you shoot off, Ray. I find out Toby will be on this all afternoon.

All right.

Still serving the same old horse cinnamon?

Here to the health of Cardinal Puff Puff Puff for the first time.

I can drink any man under the table.

Here we go.

I can't hold him up much longer.

I can't find the right key. It's too dark.

Noise down.

Home is where I hang my hat.

Come on, Toby.

Oh, dear.

This is the biggest week of bits I've ever seen.

Get off my jacket, I can't.

You sure you won't change your mind? I told you.

I've got to be up really early in the morning.

And the old daily charm won't work with me.

OK.

You are impossible.

I'll find another hotel for the night.

Bye.

What the hell is he doing here?

There's been a bit of a... Cock -up. Crisis.

Toby's a little bit plastered. Your mum won't have him in the house, so you'll

have to put him up for the night.

No way.

You won't buy it. I'm not happy you're staying here. May I remind you who owns

this PA out here?

You can't do this to me, Dad. Consider it done. It's an emergency. Come on,

Bert.

Yeah, all right, all right, I'm coming.

Right.

Yeah, yeah.

Well, what a state to get into, eh? Three grown men.

All right, Ray, don't bang on about it.

Hangover is his own punishment.

What did Mum say this morning?

I wouldn't repeat it to you, Andy, yes?

Yeah, I want him out of here.

Oh, I forgot to tell you about that.

He's staying here.

He's not. He is. Arthur, I want this old leg out of here.

Ray, Toby has been inside for 15 years. He's like a coiled spring.

He needs someone to keep an eye on him.

Keep him away from the boozer before nine.

And don't let him anywhere near widows or post offices.

Why not?

Never mind. If he so much as drops a sweet paper, they'll have him back

before the ink on his gyro is dry.

Yeah, but Arthur, look at it. I'm sorry, Ray. I cannot have that on my

conscience. For the meantime, I am making you Toby's minder.

He looked after me in the next son.

I do owe him.

Hello. Stopping our time already?

Didn't say we looked well.

You should have seen him this morning.

Took me right back, seeing him.

Made me think.

What about?

Oh, the old days.

The good old days.

Never see their like again.

He was quite an handful when we was at school, you know.

The old backhanders.

You, Dave.

Mickey Khan. Who was the other one?

Jimmy DeJeweler. I saw him recently. He looks as if he's doing very well.

You know... Oh, Toby.

Toby told me a very funny story about you lot. What?

What was that?

Well, your mum had sent you to get a chicken from that bent footer down

Arlington Crescent.

Wilkins. That was his name. Wilks. Yeah, and... On the way home, you met up with

a gang and had a game of footer. Well...

When she opened the bag, there at the bottom... There in the bottom of it was

bloody great dead rat.

I remember.

Apparently your dad wasn't half annoyed.

He kicked me up and down Brentford Eye Street twice.

Oh, that rat.

Dave found it down the drain on the wreck.

Dave?

Of course.

We can all laugh about it now.

We do.

He was okay with Dave.

Toby was telling me about the Wolsey as well.

The Wolsey? Yeah. Well, apparently saying about you having a Wolsey for

scrap and rag business. Mind you, that's going back a few years. The old Wolsey.

Fell apart on its first outing.

Underweight of lead piping straight through the chassis. Strewn all over the

Great West Road.

Who'd have imagined Arthur Daly falling through a rust bucket like that, eh?

That was on a recommendation of Dave.

Yeah, exactly.

Toby reckons he was on a commission from the teller.

What a call.

How are you feeling?

Bright as a button.

You always did have the constitution of a knock.

Old Tove.

Oh, fine.

I'm glad we got a little while before we had to go and pick up Ray, because

there's something I want to ask you.

Do you remember once my mum sent me over to Wilkins, the butcher, to get a

chicken, and on the way back... The rat!

Classic, that, wasn't it? Oh, I'll never forget your dad waving that sack around

and shouting half the words I'd never heard before, or since, for that matter.

Was it old Dave who switched the chicken for the rat?

I'm surprised at you, Arthur.

Code at the back of your hand, is it? Oh, no, no, no, you're quite right.

No member should blow the whistle on another member, even if that member's

the whistle on another member, remember?

Yeah, you're quite right, I won't mention it again.

Oh, fine.

Sir. Hi, sir.

A nice thing I wanted to ask you about. Do you remember the scrap business?

Oh, yeah, Daly's Forgery.

Yeah, a nice little number.

Do you remember the woozy I got for transport?

Mm -hm.

Oh, no names, no petrol.

It's a walk under the bridge, sir.

The point is, before you got sent down in 77, we had a bit of business, you

remember? Oh, yeah, the Esquitoise, yeah.

The Iffy Chippendales, the dealer of the decade, you called it.

I went in for a grand.

Yeah, no need to thank me, Arthur.

No, no, no, I don't think you quite get my drift, Toby.

How can I put this?

What happened?

It went through, didn't it? Yeah, nice little earner. But I didn't get any

money. What?

Yeah.

I gave... You gave it to who?

Oh, no, I'm sorry, Arthur. I can't answer that question on the

ground that it might incriminate a fellow backhander.

One of the gang?

Code of the backhanders, Arthur.

Right.

There's probably a simple explanation.

Yeah, if only there was, Bert. If only there was.

No, I see it all now.

The rat in the bag, is it?

I mean, anyone who can stoop that low has got to have snow water in his veins.

I mean, I can take a practical joke, but that could have seen Mum off, the state

of her nerves.

He did give her a turn.

And who sabotaged the scrap business with a wobbly Wolsey?

I knew he resented my success with a scrapyard. I could tell from the marked

manner he had as he stacked the old car batteries.

And now this bad business with Toby.

Just the latest in a long line of perpity.

Why don't you go down there and have it out with him?

I couldn't do that.

Why not? That's against the code of the backhanders.

Teaching on each other.

I just dropped Toby in it.

I wouldn't know about that. You never let me join.

There you go.

Sir.

Cheerio. Cheers.

I can't taste any vodka in that.

I said it all right. Large one.

Yeah, I believe you.

Hello, Arthur.

How goes the wheels of industry?

Usual offer.

Raymond, any joy at the garden centre?

Small, basic, greenhouse, minimum 250.

Easy terms, I'll purchase.

Well, you're joking. They're giving nothing on tick.

Offer?

Yes? About that little chat we was going to have.

Little chat?

Remember, the letter from my accountant fixing the time of our board meeting?

Well, we were talking about you making me a little advance, you know, towards

your shares in the club. You really do have a nerve, don't you?

Pardon? Nothing.

It's of no consequence.

Well, you know what they're like, don't you?

Whom? Accountants. What do you say?

I say very little, Dave. I trust myself to say very little.

But I'll consider it and get back to you.

You all right, Arthur?

Totally all right.

Though I do find the air a little fetid in here today.

Well, look, somebody's got to make a contribution to this club.

Hey, where you going?

Loftus Road.

I'm of attacking football.

Always did like the Rangers.

Ian Gillard, Dan Bowles, Don Mathen, Jerry Francis, old Parksey and the net.

Yeah, but, Toby, there's no game on. I've got to make the works out. Maybe

you'll put a bit of business my way.

All right, I'll come down with you. All right.

Come on in, Jimmy.

Thanks, Jimmy.

Are we on our own? Yeah, sure. There's no one here. Go in the office.

Thanks for dropping over, Jimmy. I only think that I'm a bit empty. Well, that's

another lucky you.

Thanks, lads.

I just stand still.

But that's the lucky end of the market for you. So that's been your day right

now. I'm sorry that I told you that.

You'll have heaven for being hard, but you'll get wind of it. Oh, I quite

understand. This is too important for my time. It's going to be hard for me.

I've thought it over. On my side, Jimmy.

How's it going?

I've collected all the money, Jimmy. It doesn't look like carrying that much

cash around with me, does it?

I've made you a cheque, okay?

Of course it is, Dave.

And if it's not, I know where to find you.

Well,

thanks a lot, Jimmy. It's been a pleasure doing business with you. I'm

be in on it.

Arthur won't know what he did.

Do you follow the Rangers?

Nah, more of an ivory man.

Oh, I love them myself.

Used to fancy myself as a bit of a player once.

John Oda Wizard, they called me.

Inside right.

I had trials here, you know.

Not the sort of trials I'm used to now, though.

Well, let's hope you've seen your last, eh?

Don't you worry.

I'm going straight.

I've got plans.

Nice little drinker.

Decent clientele.

You watch.

I'll crack it.

Yeah, you keep your nose clean. Sure you will.

Listen, son.

I know you think I'm a bit of an old lag, but I still want respect.

So you keep your son to school homilies to yourself, okay?

Now, don't get aerated.

Don't come to charity.

I know.

Keep him out of trouble.

Make sure he doesn't overdo the sauce.

Am I right? I'm all right.

Yeah, that about covers it.

Good lad.

I like an honest man.

You remind me a lot of myself when I was your age.

Bit of a lad, few ideas, bit of an eye for the birds, right?

Yeah, snappy dresser.

Do me a favor.

Don't end up like me.

Yeah, well, I'll try.

Always remember the first rule. Look after your mates.

There's nothing worth more than a friend.

The backhanders, eh?

No, no, not that kid stuff. I mean, for real.

Now, take Arthur.

I mean, you look after him and he'll stick by you. He's soaked.

Well, Arthur's Arthur.

I know that man's cream and I know what he thinks about you.

Make sure you get his respect.

I will.

Who'd imagine him dating with all people?

I can barely bring myself to believe it.

Elle and I, what have we been through together?

And all the time, he was hiding a black heart behind the smiles, selling me out

behind my back.

But he was such a true friend.

This is what grieves me, Bert.

Him, who I thought of as the brother I never had.

Well, the other brother I never had.

Turns out to be a whited sepulchre, a turncoat.

All these years I've been harbouring a sniper in my bosom.

I could cheerfully fetch him a poke in the eye.

What are you going to do?

I will no longer break bread with him, nor eat of his salt.

He's had it in that department.

He'll find out you have to get up long before a milkman if you want to put one

over an Arthur Daly.

Hang on.

Where's Ray?

He popped out for a takeaway.

What you got there?

My old photograph album.

He had some memories there, Arthur, I'll tell you. Oh, yes.

Yeah,

remember this one?

You, me, and Mickey Khan down a broad stair. Look at Mickey Khan. Look at that

tag. That was his Clark Gable period, remember?

Five foot two of old insult.

Yeah, what was that you used to say to him?

You need a girl you can look up to.

There we go.

You, me and Bert.

Oh, look at you. Look at me, look at you.

Look at Bert.

Look at his trousers off, Mark.

That's an old pair of mine. Yeah, is it?

Oh, there we are, down the allotment, digging for victory. Yeah, digging for

spuds. We had about 50 pounds before the owner turned up.

What's that, then?

Crazy golf.

Frenton.

Me and Dave.

Look, haven't we got enough? We're not feeding the 5 ,000. Yeah, it just feels

like it. He's eating me out of house and home, Arthur. And as you haven't paid

me yet, the least you can do is flip and walk for me free. How are you supposed

to find anything in here?

What's left on the list?

Carrots.

Carrots. Hold up, hold up.

Sun -dried pimentos.

You can find all sorts of exotica.

But if you want a bag of carrots, you need a scalp.

Leave it to me, I'll get them.

Here, Arthur, don't move. I don't want to spend the rest of the day looking for

you. Squid.

In its own ink.

What?

Arthur. David.

Shopping? Obviously.

Sir.

It turned out nice again.

Indeed.

Listen, Arthur, about yesterday... Look, I'd rather not discuss it, if you don't

mind. What is wrong with you?

East is east and west is west.

Now, if you'll excuse me, I think I see the celery salt I was looking for.

Oh, madam, watch that chicken.

It could turn into a rat if you get behind the wrong person at the checkout

counter. Pardon?

Look, it's your best friend. Why all this bad blood suddenly?

There's no suddenly about it. I have discovered an affair this activity's

back for years.

Decades, even.

Arthur, you've finally gone.

Gone, have I?

There he is. Jimmy the jeweler again.

And Mickey Carls, the fifth backhander. That settles it.

What you don't understand, Ray, is ties were forged

that mean nothing to your fickle generation. If Dave is seeing

Jimmy... and Mickey without inviting me.

That, that, that, that can only mean one thing.

Treachery. They are crowbarring me out of the winch.

I don't believe I'm hearing this. Come on, Arthur, you'd better not.

No amount of vodka can wash away the disappointment rate.

Same again.

No, Arthur.

Come on, I'm taking you home.

Come on.

Oh, the unkindest cat of all.

Come on.

Watch yourself.

Look,

you sit down there.

I'll make you a coffee and order your cab.

Oh, okay.

I tell you, between you and Toby, you've got to pull yourself together.

Never given any thought to what Arnie would say when you get back in this

eh?

Arthur?

Don't ignore me when I'm talking to you, Arthur.

Arthur!

Well, I drinked it.

Who's there?

Who goes there?

Friend or foe?

It's you, Arthur.

Who are you up to?

I was just shutting up.

Do you remember the backhanders?

Yeah, yeah. Of course I do.

Do you remember when Mickey Khan fell out with Toby Jug over the football

It was a long time ago.

They wanted to have each other out.

Look, Arthur, it's very light.

But rather than have a punch -up, we invented...

Similarly of the button. Yeah, yeah. What of it?

That's for a rat.

What rat? What you talking about?

Don't come to the end of the civil with me. You know perfectly well what I'm on

about. You're drunk.

And you are a swine. But I will be sober tomorrow.

And that's for a wound. Leave it off. This is my best shirt. Come here. I

haven't finished. I'm warning you, Arthur. I haven't done the escrow pause.

We're talking about the woozy, the rat, the esky twat. Selling my shares behind

my back, under my very nose. Get off my shirt. Give me that button.

You've done it now.

You're barred. You can't bar me.

I bar me.

You are barred. Get out of here.

With pleasure.

I'll tell you this.

You have tilted.

You'll answer the wrong man.

You will be in a cardboard box by the end of the year.

And you'll be in a straitjacket by the end of the week.

This means war.

Right, you hold the fort till I get there. Yeah.

Get on.

Well, that's your lot.

It's not exactly a conservatory, but I suppose it's going to have to do.

Oh, nonsense.

Look at the workmanship in that.

Is that the stuff under the rust?

A little bit of brass hole that'll come up a treat.

That's a hell of a job, Arthur. Hey, see if you can find a box and some

polystyrene bits to put it in. Make it look as if it's just come from the shop.

Rather than straight from the skip, you mean? You mark my words. When you put a

bit of elbow grease in on that, it'll look a treat.

I'll get started, then. No, no, no. No time for that. You're coming with me.

Wait, sir.

What you brought me here for?

Raymond, this will soon be the Las Vegas of Wilsdon.

Busloads of punters will flock here.

This is going to be the mecca of the smart set from Shepherd's Bush and

What you on about?

This is a teeny -boppers drinker. You can't get in here if you're over 14.

Was, Ray, was. Things are changing.

Let's go inside.

No.

No, no, no, Arthur!

Here I am. What have you done?

Oh, Toby and me are going into business.

I have invested in a surefire winner, Ray.

Invested? You haven't two washers to rub together. No, with a goer like this,

you don't need capital. A couple of phone calls and I've been flooded with

-be backers. Who?

Nobby Green.

Nobby Green? The great white loan shark? He is a shrewd businessman.

What did you use for collateral?

Yeah, I'm under no obligation to disclose my sources to you.

Not the car front?

Certainly not.

Well, you ain't got anything...

No, not the flat. Not auntie's flat. Look, this is purely a temporary

I'll predict hefty profit within the month. You're doing this to get a day,

aren't you? Nonsense.

You are.

You're putting your head on the chopping block just to have a dig at him. Look,

what do you reckon? Francine Archer at Caesar's Palace or Tom Jones at the

Sands? This is a full -blown feud, isn't it, Arthur? Well, I want no part of it.

Oi, oi. May I remind you that you are not only in my employ, but you are

to me by blood ties.

And as such, it is beholden upon you when the family's in strife to close

So get your jacket off. You've just been appointed Ed Barman.

No way.

What? If you want to behave like a vindictive child, Arthur, that's up to

But Dave's been decent to me, and I'm not doing him down.

Raymond, may I remind you, my enemy's friend is my enemy.

Grow up.

What time's the taxi, Bert?

Oh, God, I knew I'd forgotten something.

Oh, well, I was leafleting all day.

I'll do it.

All right, Ray.

Hi, Mum.

Dad?

Shoe?

You haven't reconsidered, then?

There's nothing to consider.

All right, all right, don't get shirty. You're a big lad now, you make your own

decisions. This is a wrong one, but it's down to you.

There'll be a lot of young people there.

What do you say?

Come on, don't be obstinate. Go and dig out a whistle and come and shake a leg

with us.

Pay your double for the night.

Look, Arthur, we've had our run -ins and we haven't always seen eye to eye.

I always respected you.

All right, here we go. Here we go.

Evening.

Evening.

Yeah, very nice.

One glass of preparation now, folks.

Welcome to our inaugural evening.

Flash your invite over there, get a free glass of champagne.

Cannabis floating all around the place.

Help yourself, compliments and a management.

See him?

He's a die -hard Winchester man, if ever I saw one.

So, we're on a roll.

Cheers, Albert.

Saturday night, and there's hardly a soul here.

Some kind of curfew in Wilsdon.

Some new place down the road.

Cheaper than here.

Well, there you go, lads.

Good night, Arthur.

Good night.

Thank you for a super, super night. Oh, glad you enjoyed it.

Gentlemen, I'll give you a toast.

The premier night spot in Wilsdon.

In the words of the poet, we're in the money.

How can we have got through so much stuff in one night? Well, that's the

of a gala, isn't it?

You bung the stuff up cheap for one night, then hit them with a real price

you've got them on the hook.

I suppose you know best.

Yeah, well, my pocket's not bottomless, so don't go mad in there.

I'm getting out of the way. I'm in a hurry. So am I. The rule of the road in

here is keep left.

I thought you only understood the rule of the jungle. What do you mean?

You don't let me pass, I'll call the manager.

OK. Straight down.

Same again?

No, I'm just off. Where?

Well, I'm going home.

Why? I'm practically giving the beer away. There's three nosebags all over

counter. What more do you want?

The wife's expecting me.

Oh, sorry. I've got a lot on my mind.

On your way.

Thanks.

Look what the wind's blown in.

Dave, I've got nothing to do with this trouble between you and Arthur.

Sorry, Ray, I'm a bit on edge. What can I get you?

I want the answers to a few questions.

About what?

About who, more like.

Toby Johnson.

Look, I can see you don't trust him, so what's the score?

Cover the backhanders, Ray.

Come on, give it a rest, Dave.

He is trouble.

Yeah, but he looked after my old man when he was in Nick.

Anything that came his way, your dad paid for with his weekly snout ration.

and acting as Toby's butler.

Toby Johnson never did no -one a favour for nothing.

Maybe he's reformed. Can you pluck feathers from a frog?

Must concentrate no more. Two large scotches, please.

Two large scotches over there. One of the fees, Hager.

I thought it was only helping those here.

Excuse me, I ordered four lagers.

Four pints of lager over there. I told you, sir, the lagers are being changed.

That's right. It won't be a minute. I couldn't hurry to hold you up down the

cellar, could you?

How's anybody else for just spirits?

Toby, the customers are getting restless.

I do not know what's wrong with it, Arthur. I mean, it should be working. I

mean, the heads are tight, the gas is on.

Maybe it needs more pressure.

See, that should do it.

German, let her rip.

There's still nothing coming through.

Well, you come on down, Dermot. After all, you're a professional.

No

wonder.

Here's your problem.

Still on clean.

I'll see you back on.

Lager's back on.

Four pints of lager, please.

Beer's a bit lively tonight.

It's a new German Premier Lager we're testing.

I'll have a word with the manufacturers.

Call back again tomorrow.

Something to throw a party over. Business as usual tomorrow.

First off... Yes, send me the bill.

Come back tomorrow. First one on the house.

What a disaster.

23 cleaning bills and two of them silk suits.

They're going to have to employ professional staff.

I can't afford it. You should see my books. They make very dismal reading.

Well, I mean, it's early days, Arthur. I mean, you can't expect to make an

instant profit.

Oh, I appreciate your point, Toby.

But the problem is we're flogging the stuff cheaper than we're buying it in,

which is unsound business whichever way you look at it. Well, look, mate, I

mean, the point is you've got old Dave wriggling like a... like a winkle on a

pin, eh?

Just keep you in there for a few more days, eh?

No, no, I've decided.

Something has to be done.

I'm not sure what, but something.

Not bad, Ray, not bad at all.

I thought it through.

It won't do.

Rubbish. Good lick of paint, it'll look brand new.

I'm talking about you and Dave.

I have nothing to say in the matter.

Sit down.

Beg your pardon? Sit down, Arthur.

Now, you listen to me.

I can't watch any more of this nonsense between you and Dave. You're putting

each other out of business.

Now, I've had a talk with Dave, and he's prepared to have a meet clear the air.

Never. Will you wake up? You're spending money like water. I thought you was a

businessman, Arthur.

Words cost nothing, Ray. Now, who said that to me, eh?

All right.

You may tell him that I am amenable to a powwow.

Good man. But he's got to be on neutral ground. For goodness sake!

I suggest Carlo Trattoria in Putney High Street. And impress on him it's

business only.

Go on, Ray.

Check the place out. I want to make him an offer he shouldn't refuse.

Would you like some wine with your bongoi?

Glass of your house red, please, Carlos.

And you, Mr. Arthur?

I'll keep a clear head.

Very good.

Carlos. Mr. Dave.

Cancel the wine.

As you wish.

What's on your mind?

A small matter of us cutting each other's throats, vis -a -vis the price

that's broken out between us.

You started it. The cause is irrelevant.

I'm suggesting a ceasefire.

I'll listen in. The solution is simple. It certainly is. You close your club.

I am perfectly entitled to carve my portion of the market in a liberal

democracy. You have no right to pilfer my trade.

Bickering will get us nowhere. I suggest we stop the price cutting, knock the

cheap membership on the edge, and finish the promotions.

To what end?

A fair fight in the marketplace.

You go your way, I'll go mine. Let the pundits decide, and may the best club

win. Fight to the death.

If you've got the stomach for it.

So, do we have a deal?

You're on.

Arthur. What are you doing in my car? It's an emergency. Get in.

Come on, hurry up.

Oh, my God.

He's had it away with the deposit money and all.

I'm sorry, Arthur.

All his gear's gone from the flat, too.

There's no fool like an old fool.

Off you go, son.

Yeah, but...

Arthur? Of all the bars in all of Wilson, come to gloat.

Not at all.

I'm really very sorry about all this.

Oh, you winsome.

Arthur, don't you think it's time that we got things sorted out?

The Rat.

Toby. The Woolsey. The Esquitoise.

Toby.

Well, he's nothing if not a sharp operator.

As proven.

Water under the bridge.

Old acquaintance.

Best forgot.

Arthur, what made you think I was selling your shoes in the Winchester?

Oh, no, let's forget about it.

Come on. No, I'd rather not say.

Tell us, Arthur.

Well, you and Jimmy the jeweler and Mickey Collins sneaking around behind my

back. Very suspect.

Let me in on the joke.

What's it all about?

Ray? In the back room, Arthur.

Arthur. Jimmy?

Mickey? Take his coat, Dave.

We've been hearing stories, Arthur, from Dave.

Disappointing stories that are unworthy of an old backhander.

How long have we known each other, Dave?

A long time, Jimmy.

A long time.

And in all that time, did anyone ever doubt the spirit of the old backhanders?

Never, Jimmy.

Never.

What are we going to do with you, Arthur?

It's a shirt -button job, isn't it?

All the old backhanders shipped in?

All but one, Dave. Yeah, yeah. Well, let's say this is from Mickey, Jimmy and

me. Oh, you never.

And a bottle of ruby pulled from me, Arthur. Congratulations.

Yeah, and here's the...

Ruby Handle shaving brush you like so much. And me and Dora are going to take

you and the wife out for a night on the town.

Here, come on, right, let's get popping. Drinks in the bar, everyone.

To Mr and Mrs Daly on the occasion of their 40th wedding anniversary.

I hope Arthur's all right.

He's had a bad time with this club.

He's putting a brave face on things, but he's being very quiet.

He'll be all right, Dad, if I know Arthur.

It was 1953.

Edmund was on the top of Everest, a new royal was on the throne, and Irene Dawes

looked like a lovely princess in a white silk dress.

Do you remember that, Mickey? I had it made up out of that parachute you

liberated from the Vickers factory.

Come on, Ray, you're past it. Give us a drink. All right, it's just coming.

Here it is. Lovely.

There you go. Lovely. There you are, Mickey.

All right, Jimmy.

Gentlemen,

backhanders, I'd like to propose a toast.

Absent friends.

Long may they remain so.

Period.