Original subtitles

Good evening, lady.

Allow me, sir.

Oh.

You, uh, mind?

Thank you.

You can't be too careful.

What's your Mr. Daly?

Morning, my dear.

Ah, I see you've found your new apparatus.

Is that what it is? I did wonder.

The latest thing in computer technology.

It's got bytes, floppy bits, everything.

It'll make your life a lot easier, my dear.

Really? Is Henry in? He's just nipped out. Be back in a minute. Well, I'll be

the office. You familiarise yourself with that.

There's your little book of instructions.

I want the man who knows.

Can't see Benny.

Set up a meet.

Benny, of course they're kosher.

I mean, ask yourself, what do I sell up your chickens?

Oh, they might have only had one leg, but I think you'll agree that was

reflected in the price.

No, no, no, no. It's a new method.

Makes them easier to catch.

Mr. Reid?

Daily. Daily catering. Yes. I've got some good news for you.

Your drumsticks have just arrived from my supplier.

Yes, I'll get my man to bring them over to you this afternoon.

Not at all.

Goodbye.

What? The computer.

Mr. Daly bought it.

Can't make head nor tail of it.

Where is he?

He's in there.

Don't.

He might come out.

Don't.

Yes, indeed, madam.

Could you hold on a moment?

Yes, madam.

We can give you the choice of a hot or cold buffet prepared in -house by our

Parisian chef and delivered to the venue in plenty of time for your return from

the church.

Yes.

No, no, no, madam, no. No, the price per head is fully inclusive.

Yes, and that includes a glass of sherry on your arrival.

Sorry. Yes.

Napkins and fine china tableware in a colour of your choice.

Right.

Well, you just leave everything to us, Mrs Goldberg, and thank you very much

choosing Daily Catering. Goodbye for now.

Another one, Henri.

Our reputation seems to be growing.

It is most encouraging.

People will always have to eat, Henri.

What a business.

You sell them something, they eat it, and they have to come back for more.

You see your new computer?

Yes. I think Mandy'll get the hang of that in no time, don't you? Yes, I saw

Thank you. But, Arthur, while you're here... The condiments you sent.

Condiments? They have no holes.

No holes?

Oh, no, no, no. They're shipped like that.

Hygiene regulations.

Make sure nothing gets in there en route.

No, no, no. They'll be perfectly all right. I'll get Raymond to come over

his flak and decker.

Oh, Europe.

The final frontier.

I hope you don't mind. It reminds me of home.

Au contraire.

It fits in perfectly with the European nature of our partnership.

Set the scene, as it were. May we?

Well, of course we can.

London joined in Paris to provide Gordon Blur delicacies for discerning punters.

Things seem to be going very well so far after all. This is... Oh, talk, talk.

Ah, this is only the start, Henri.

Only the start.

As a matter of fact, I was just on my way to visit some contacts of mine in

trade.

That should put a bit of business our way. C 'est fantastique. I'll telephone

you and let you know what's happening. I'll get on with the menus.

Right.

Well, you'll boon you'll find that, my dear. You'll wonder, are you ever

without it?

Don't understand it.

Raymond?

What about these?

It's a cash and carry.

So he gets the curry.

There's a couple of messages for you in the pad. Oh, yeah, and Danny came back

about those torches.

What about them? He wants to know where the batteries go. I told him they don't

need batteries.

They're solar -powered. Right, I'll tell him.

You done out there? Yeah, just about.

Right. I want you home, changed, and back here in half an hour. I've got a

for you.

Changed? Yeah, I want you to wear something respectable.

Do you know how much this gear cost?

It was robbed.

But, Arthur... I'm not asking for top hat and tails, Ray. I just simply want

something in line with a company image.

Yes, Arthur.

Here, hang on.

What? These torches, if they're solar -powered... One of the miracles of the

technological age, Ray.

Now, polish your shoes.

So, what's this plug got to do with us?

Billy Meadows.

Meadows?

Older brother of Vinnie Meadows?

He runs a similar set -up to Vinnie in the Midlands, fronted by a chain of

restaurants.

They fell out when they were kids.

Billy kicked Vinnie out, and that's when he came down here.

Vinnie's big brother.

Billy never leaves Birmingham. He's got a phobia about leaving home.

So?

He arrived in London last night.

Birmingham CID. You seem to think he wouldn't do that without a very good

reason.

For a meet with Vinnie?

It'll be a turn -up if it is. They haven't spoken for 15 years.

It's our job to keep an eye on him, find out what he's up to.

So what about the Highgate job?

Well, that can wait.

The trooper wants him watched every minute he's on our ground.

Staying at the Sheridan.

I was hoping I might catch you.

Oh, look, Park, the thin blue line.

Your usual cheery self this morning, I see, Michael.

So what's all this in aid of then, Sarge?

Sam's last day.

Thought we'd give him a bit of a send -off.

Oh, well, seeing the back of one of your lot, it's worth half a quid of anyone's

money.

Too kind.

Go on, Pop.

Someone's got work to do.

Yeah, I've always liked old Sam.

Wasn't too much of a shock for him, was it?

He said he thought you were dead.

Always the optimist, Alvin, eh?

Yes, boss.

What time?

One o 'clock.

We're going to have to have a serious talk about your attire, Raymond.

What do you want about it? This is my best shirt.

My point exactly.

You ought to try it, Arthur. The birds love it. Yeah, that's something else

we've got to talk about too. It weakens the legs.

Not the way I'd do it.

Raymond, please.

I'm supposed to be minding your moral welfare.

Early indoors is keeping British Telecom going single -handed, reporting on your

progress. Every time I go home, I get grilled.

Relax, Arthur. I'm on top of everything.

That's what worries me.

Wow.

So what is this job anyway?

You're a doorman.

Chugging out drunks. No, no, no, no, no. No, more of a diplomat. Mingling with

the punters. Opening the door for little old ladies, that sort of thing.

What about if a drunk starts causing trouble?

Ask him to leave, politely.

And if that don't work, use your initiative. Come on.

Me.

Yeah, sir.

Arnie?

Harper.

Is that you?

Oh, he's a bit small, isn't he? Don't be deceived by his boyish exterior, Arnie.

He's like greased lightning when called upon.

Well, some of the geezers we get in here, then, they'd have him for

Have I ever let you down? Have I not always supplied you with doormen of the

highest calibre? Well, you've never given me any course of concern, I'll

you that, Harper. Normal young raven. Stand on me.

All right.

I'll expect a full refund.

If you don't come up with a business, all right? It goes without saying,

It goes without saying.

Yeah.

Here. Oh, how about our other little bit of business?

You'd better come upstairs with me, Harper.

I don't see any little old ladies here, Arthur.

Just make sure they don't eat the furniture.

Start. I don't get it. He comes all the way down here just to sit in his hotel

room all day.

Wish I knew what he was up to.

We got anything else back from Birmingham?

No. I've asked them to send down his file. See if there's anything there.

the bell.

Hold up.

Start. There he is.

There was a time when this place was chocker every Saturday afternoon.

There wasn't a week in reply when the best man wasn't toasting the happy

by that window over there.

That beer is not up to all that cooking any more, Arthur. Which is precisely why

I can be of help to you, Arnie.

I have a top team of professional caterers all geared up and raring to go.

Weddings, funerals, bar mitzvahs, you name it.

We are the answer to your culinary nightmares.

Well, we still hire it out.

Only do sandwiches now.

Ham and cheese, mostly.

We got a deal on here tonight.

Twenty or more, they tell me.

Vera's not too happy about it, but... But it's the money, Harper.

I don't like turning it away. It don't seem right to me. Heaven forbid, Arnie.

Heaven forbid.

May I speak frankly, Arnie? I can see your problem. And I can also see that

not made any easier by your beloved.

But... As a personal friend, I am prepared to put the entire might of my

catering organisation at your disposal.

Oh, thank you, Oliver.

And, as a personal friend, I will not charge you a penny over the going rate.

Oh, Oliver, that's very kind of you.

I think nothing of it. Thank you.

Hey, come on, Grandad. Come on.

Bloody hell, look what you've done. This cost me 60 quid. Now, come on, you

moby, out you get.

Looks like my boy's doing the business, Arnie. Yeah.

Look what he's done.

Don't worry, I'm sure Arnie will cover the cost of any fair wear and tear. Now,

hang about, I'll... Now, you finish up here, then meet me back at the

Winchester. But not like that, all right?

After me, old son.

How are you?

Oh, Vinnie.

Sorry, I can't today. I've got to meet.

Who are we tucking up today, then, Arthur?

On a little business wheeze, are we?

I don't know what you mean.

Oh, careful, lads. Mr Daly's got his minder with him.

On the YTS, is he?

That's what I like about you, Arthur. You always cheer me up. Glad to have

of service, Vinnie.

Well, if you'll excuse me.

You sure you won't join us for a drink? Talk over old times.

Any other time, I'd love to, Vinnie, but as I said, I've got to meet.

Shay.

Oh, God.

Vinnie? Who was that?

Vinnie and Billy Meadows.

What was all that about?

Believe me, son, you don't want to know.

I didn't know he had a brother.

One of them's bad enough.

Aren't they usual?

No.

I don't believe it.

What?

You've got a nerve showing up here.

It's your manor, is it?

Oh, mine.

Must have a lot of respect.

More than you ever gave me.

And how long do you think that respected lust of ours will throw you home in

here and smack you backside in front of your adoring public?

What do you want?

That's better.

I want the man who knows.

I want someone finding him.

On this manor? So I've heard.

I can find anyone.

Who is he?

Hello?

Arthur? Oui, I'm sorry, I was in the other office.

This evening?

Well, I don't know, Arthur. There is a lot of preparation needed.

Ah, oui, un buffet, maybe?

For 20? This could be a very good move for us, Henri.

Yeah, look, hang on, Henri. Could you switch it off, please?

Yeah, sorry, Henri.

Pardon. Yeah, listen, look.

You shuffle over there this afternoon and start laying things out, and I'll

over later and cast my eye over the menu.

Exactly. Au revoir.

Onward and upward, Dave.

Cheers. What is all this then, Arthur?

That's the new menu, Dave, for the club.

Henri will knock them up the night before. You bung them in the microwave

eh, Presto?

Haute de cuisine.

What's a pullet pressé en vessie? Well, it tells you, look, underneath, in

brackets. Oh, yeah.

Chicken in a piss, you see?

And this is only the start, Dave.

Before long, we'll be attracting a much better class of punter. I don't know

about that, Arthur.

Trust me, Dave.

This is the future.

We are a European state now.

We have got to keep up.

You wait till all them froggies start charging up the channel, demanding a

chicken in the vest.

And there's your acre.

Is that in here and all? No, Dave.

It's the new European currency.

It's a unit of Reddit, so that we can all work together in harmony.

Of course, Arthur.

No man is an island, Dave. You would do well to remember that.

I'll try, Arthur.

I'll try.

Just get it done, Paul.

It's what I pay you for.

No, then when we're coming back.

I'll give you a call when we're leaving.

All right.

That isn't something about him.

He's about as much juice as an Australian motorbike.

Mr Meadows?

Vinnie sent me.

He said you were looking for a body.

A Frenchman?

You know where he is?

Why, do everyone on this man a Mr Meadows?

It's my job, see?

It's what I do.

Write his address down there.

What about, you know... Finny said you'd see me, all right.

All right.

I'm waiting.

I can't write.

I've never been a patient man.

Eat him till he tells me some are calling.

No. No, wait, wait. I'll tell you.

He's working for a bloke I know.

Name?

Daly.

Arthur Daly.

It's all presentation, Dave. That's the secret.

I mean, you take the humble melon.

Aye. The melon.

I mean, to the untrained eye, it's a simple water fruit.

Look, cut it in half, stick a cherry on the top. What have you got?

Half a melon with a cherry on the top.

Eight quid.

Talking of melons.

Thought we might find you here daily.

I'm glad to see all that detective training at the taxpayer's expense

gone to waste, Mr Morley.

Very droll.

Yeah, well, I think of it, we haven't turned over Arthur's lock -up this

have we? No, Sarge. Well, it must be about due by now, then, would you say?

Mr Morley, shouldn't you be out catching villains or something?

I mean, they're very easy to spot. They wear balaclava helmets and hit people

with sticks.

Talking of villains, does the name Meadows mean anything to you?

No, only some bloke and his dog went to mow it. I can always ask you these

questions down at the nick.

What questions?

You were seen leaving the premises where Vinnie Meadows had a little meet with

his older brother Billy.

I never knew Vinnie had a brother.

We were wondering if you could tell us what the meet was all about.

Who you got the wrong bloke? I haven't the faintest idea what you're talking

about. Oh, I see.

Honour amongst thieves, is that it? You don't grass on your own.

Come on.

You see, you get your big fat head, Mellon.

If I find you're telling me porkies daily, I'll have you in so far to be

marks all the way from here to the neck.

What did I want?

It wasn't really very clear.

So what do you think then, Sarge? If we believe that Daly doesn't know what's

going on, then we've also got to believe that he's just been telling the truth,

a concept I find it very hard to accept.

So you think he does know something, then? Time will tell, Park.

But if he is involved in something, even on the fringes, I'll take great

pleasure in having him banged up.

No, Arthur.

Look, you cannot serve a cuisine in jeans and a T -shirt. It's unhygienic.

never said anything about me being a waiter.

It's for one night only. It was short notice.

No, I'm sorry, Arthur.

I've had enough.

One minute, I'm chucking out drunks. It took me three weeks to save up for that

shirt, and now you want me to dress up like a ponce and serve at tables.

What? You'll be asking me to wash up next.

Ah, I was just coming to that. I don't believe you, Arthur.

Well, that's it.

I quit.

Quit? You can't. I've just had this cleaned.

Watch me.

Oh, well, I suppose it's my own fault.

I take you in as a personal favour to your father in order to teach you the

rudiments of business.

Feed you, clothe you, put roof over your head.

What thanks do I get?

Oyster with my own pietard.

Oh, well, that's it, then.

Give us one of them tenpies.

Who are you calling?

Your father.

What for?

Tell him he'll have to go back. You're uncontrollable.

You wouldn't.

You would.

This hurts me as much as it hurts you.

All right.

Sorry? All right, I'll wear it.

Oh, I don't know, Raymond.

This could be the tip of the iceberg.

The slippery slope.

Simple request.

Hold back in my face.

You don't know the world for the future, do you?

All right, I'll leave and wash up.

You've got ten minutes.

Hello, Dave.

Any messages?

I've nearly finished out there, but we've forgotten the napkins.

I will get them.

I have a little something I would like you to do for me.

Every time. We haven't done the food yet.

Oh, don't worry.

You English have no soul where food is concerned.

A plate full of corned beef, a few rolls.

You are happy? Did you mean it when you said you'd take me home?

To France?

Of course.

My family will love you. I know it.

But how am I going to talk to them? Don't worry. My family speak perfect

English. I can't wait.

My mum will have a fit.

But first, I must find a better position.

A restaurant.

Somewhere I can work properly.

What about Mr. Daly?

Well, he is, um... How do you think?

A stepping stone?

Nothing more.

Here. This ain't too bad after all, Arthur. Oh, very nice, Raymond. You look

very nice. Better than all that Armani gear.

Armani? Exactly.

Listen, get your skates on. I want to give the vollevons a once -over before

punters get there.

Arthur?

Hello, Henry.

Good day.

I thought you'd be pleased to see me.

Well, find me this daily character and bring him back here.

He was there himself.

It was him, Vinnie. I'm telling you.

Well, well.

Big brother making a personal appearance.

Whatever it is, it must be important. Billy never goes out himself.

And the Frenchman?

Definitely got away. Rapid.

He made Linford quickly look like a cripple.

I don't get it.

He comes all the way down here, then starts chasing some froggy round London

like a geriatric gangster.

Either he's lost his marbles or there's something going down we don't know

about.

So what do we do now, then, Vinnie?

Put the word out.

I want the Frenchman found.

Yeah.

Go back and stay with Big Brother just in case he gets to him first.

I don't know what's going on, but I think we're about to find out.

Mandy, my dear. Everything ready?

Come along now.

They'll be here in a minute.

Where's all the food?

There ain't any.

I beg your pardon?

There ain't any.

There ain't any?

Where's Henri?

He's gone.

Gone? Gone where?

He went to get some napkins an hour ago and I haven't seen him since.

But he's got to be here!

I've got 20 people arriving expecting sausages and vol -au -vons.

Well, he ain't in there. What about the wedge I gave him for the food? Oh,

that's all in there, but he ain't done nothing with it. He can't do this to me.

I've got my reputation to think of. Well, he ain't here, is he?

Everything all right, Arbor? Oh, yes, everything's fine, Arnie. Just doing a

last -minute preparations.

Nothing to worry you about.

Well, there don't seem to be much food about, Arbor. Oh, no, no, no. All in the

kitchen, under wraps.

Health regulations.

We were just about to lay it out when you came in.

Right, well, I'll be downstairs if you need me, all right? Oh, good, Tom.

Right. Right.

Just a few last -minute preparations.

Mandy, you can do it.

You're joking.

I can't cook.

You don't have to cook. It's a buffet.

It don't matter what it is. I'm hopeless with food. I always have been.

Well, don't look at me.

Well, it can't be difficult. We've got all the food.

All we've got to do is make some sandwiches. Come on, Mandy.

And listen, when Henri comes back, I want him severely chastised. You have my

permission to do anything that is necessary.

Here, what's that got in there?

Oh, I don't know. Open a tin or something.

Arthur.

Here, take these in. They're coming in. Well, hurry up, then. No, I think you'd

better come and have a look. Here, can you smell burning?

What? No.

Oh, God, my sausage rolls.

Oh. Oh.

Mandy, do something.

Looks like sausage rolls to us.

Arthur, I really do think you should come and have a look. Why do I have to

everything myself?

I asked you to do a simple job and you cannot do it.

The old bill.

Millions of them.

What's the penalty for poisoning nowadays?

Don't even joke about it. Pop hold of these, dear.

Arnie never said anything about feeding the old bill.

On the bright side, I mean, things can't get any worse, can they?

And I thought you didn't have any time for the uniformed lads.

I don't.

But the super will be there, won't he? Won't do the career any harm, will he?

No, Sarge.

Are you sure you've got this number? I'll call you as soon as anything

All right.

Hollywood Francais.

Come on, Linford.

Well, what happened?

Nothing.

Nothing?

Don't tell me nothing, Colin.

He's got to be somewhere.

He's got a car lot in the warehouse next to an old circular.

But he's not at either of them. What about this club?

Winchester? Hasn't been in since dinner time.

And they don't know where he is?

I spoke to his partner there.

If he did know, he wasn't letting on.

I could go back. No.

This Daly doesn't know we're looking for him yet.

No point in changing that.

If he does know where the Frenchman is, we don't want him wound off.

So what now?

Vinnie? Not yet.

There must be something we've missed.

I must be getting old.

Bingo.

Thank you.

Thank you.

We need some help out here.

I think it's something I'll hit. I'm going.

No, you won't.

Oh, God.

Hello, John. Hi.

Come on.

I fancy seeing you here. A drink?

Thank you.

Cheers. Daily. Oh, hello, Mr Morley.

What the hell are you doing here? Throw him out.

You can't throw me out. I'm the wine waiter.

What, you mean daily catering at your service?

You're winding me up.

No, no, no, I think you'll find it's all above board and legal, Mr Morley.

What idiot would book you to do the catering for a police dude?

I believe Superintendent McElroy made a booking, but I will pass on your

observations.

Some cop had just spilled wine all down me. I want that suit cleaned and pressed

before you bring it back to me.

You what?

Waiter. I think he's talking to you.

Everything all right? If they carry on like this, we're going to run out of

food. I'll open another tin of something. There's nothing left except a

cremated sausage rolls.

Well, nip Dutch there's and see Arnie. Get some crisps and bits.

Use your initiative.

Crisps? Yeah, and don't hand them round in the bags. Put them on plates with a

little bit of cucumber on the side. It's more au cuisine.

Oh. Get the Christmas.

Is it, Lieutenant?

Come on.

That's right.

Where can I find Arthur Daly?

Gentlemen.

Girls.

When I first came to Merton Road, like the rest of you, I was sent to see Sam

for a few gentle words of advice.

He knew where all the villains lived.

Well,

I think we can mark that down as a resounding success, Raymond. So far.

Listen, look, go and mingle. Hand a few of these up.

Sergeants and above.

Well, maybe you should put an ad in the police gazette.

I suppose you're enjoying this, Daly. Oh, would you like another drink, Mr

Morley? Something to eat?

No, I wouldn't.

You should eat more, Mr Morley. Build up your strength.

You are what you eat.

Pork scratchings?

They said they were sorry they couldn't come. They had a job on.

Oh, my feet.

They're killing me.

If anyone else calls me waiter, I'll flatten them. Raymond, super's glass is

empty. He drinks like a fish. He might as well give me the old bottle.

Hey, look, you'd better start clearing the tables. If they get inebriated, I

don't want them breaking the crockery. Right.

Arthur Daly.

Who's asking?

I am.

Oh, in that case, I think I can safely say I'm not the man you're looking for.

Someone would like a word.

I can't leave now. I've got to take the sweet trolley round.

I don't think you understand.

You see, we insist.

This is all a mistake.

Raymond? Mr Morley?

Superintendent?

Where the hell's Daly? Good question.

Well, that's the word. A change of heart, yeah?

Not a word.

Chip? Oh, you got to eat.

Keep your strength up.

I mean, we could be here all night till you tell me something I want to hear.

All I want to know is what it is you've got that my big brother wants to get his

hands on so badly.

I told you I have nothing of his.

I know you used to work in one of his restaurants.

What was it, run off with the takings?

Nah, Billy wouldn't come all this way for a few measly quid.

Has to be more than that.

Is it something to do with his Brummie operation?

Do you know something? Is that it?

I don't know anything.

I think you do.

You can think what you like.

How long have you known Billy?

Not long.

I spent my first 20 years with him.

Do you know something?

In all that time, he never asked me for anything. Not once.

Probably thought I didn't have anything worth asking for.

And then you fall in me lap.

I don't have anything that you want.

That is not what I want to hear. I swear, there is nothing.

Oh, okay. Why don't I just hand you over to Billy?

No, you can't do that.

Why not?

He's... Violent?

I know, but you don't seem to be giving me any other choice.

You can't take me to him.

He is my brother after all, and blood is thicker than water.

No. I don't see what else I can do.

I mean, You're hardly being cooperative, are you?

You don't understand.

So enlighten me.

You'll let me go?

If I tell you what it is he wants?

Trust me.

This is all a terrible mistake.

I'm highly respected pillar of the community. Shut it. Oh.

Very nice.

Inside.

Yes, Steffy.

Mr Daly.

How nice to see you.

Please, take a seat.

No, I won't if you don't want me.

All right, just for a few minutes.

Don't hurt our guest, Colin. After all, he's only here to help us, aren't you?

Am I?

Well, yeah, of course, if I can. You see, Colin?

Arthur's anxious to help us.

Fairly bubbling over with enthusiasm.

You're a hard man to find, Arthur.

We almost gave up.

Yeah, well, I was at a dinner with Superintendent McElroy.

I suspect he's wondering where I got this.

Superintendent?

I'm impressed.

It's nice to have friends in our place, isn't it, Colin? Yeah, perhaps I ought

to give him a call. I don't want him worrying. Don't you concern yourself,

Arthur. We won't detain you long.

Just a few questions, that's all.

He can't just disappear.

First Henry, now Mr Daly.

It's like the Bermuda Triangle, isn't it?

Well, he ain't at the lock -up.

I'll try Broxford Road.

We're looking for a friend of yours.

I ain't got no friends.

Well, perhaps the odd business acquaintance, but...

No one you call close.

No. No!

No, I can honestly say it. I have never seen that man before in my life.

That is willful destruction of property.

I only got that yesterday. It's not insured.

He breaks all the things as well.

Oh, well, no, no. Now you mention it, he does have a sort of vague familiarity.

He couldn't be French, could he? See?

It didn't hurt, did it?

Now, just do tell us how we can get hold of him and we'll be off.

I don't know.

I don't. He just disappeared and caused me no little personal inconvenience in

the process.

I mean, I'd like to have a word with him. Now, why don't I believe you? But

the truth.

You ask anyone, my word is my bond.

Arthur? Hello?

Look, can you keep this lot happy for a while?

Where are you going?

I won't be long.

I want an address.

I haven't got one.

Come on, he works for you. You must know where he lives.

No, it was a sort of informal arrangement. I haven't got any of his

details.

Tell Mr Daly what you do, Colin.

I'm a memory consultant.

I help people remember things.

Would you like Colin to help you, Mr Daly?

Perhaps he can jog your memory.

No, look, you don't understand.

I'm the innocent party in all this. No!

Leave him alone, Billy. He don't know anything.

Stay out of this, Vinnie. None of your business.

Wrong.

My manner.

My business.

You never did know when to leave things alone, did you?

You can talk.

You could never leave me alone, could you, Billy?

I'll waste picking at me.

I was never good enough, was I?

Look, if you two want to have a private chat... Shut it.

Look, all I want is a Frenchman.

Once I've got him, I'll be gone.

I've got him.

You what?

Your word.

This time I'm the one calling the shots, Billy.

Not you.

You don't understand.

I know what he did, Billy. Then you know why I've got to have him.

Yeah?

But first...

You say please.

You could never say please, could you, Billy?

You never had to.

It was me, the other, begging.

I couldn't break wind without running to ask you first.

Now it's your turn.

Please.

I can't hear you, Billy.

He's defiled my daughter.

For God's sake, man, my little girl, she's pregnant.

You're downstairs in the motor.

Right, John.

Correct me if I'm wrong, but I thought the cavalry was supposed to get there

before the Indian scout, General Custer.

How did I know where you were? You just vanished.

Oh, maybe I should have asked them if I could leave a note.

So's my mind I would know where I was.

Still, everything turned out all right in the end, eh? That's not the point,

Dave. I was in mortal peril.

It's been a very harrowing day.

Stop moaning and have another drink.

So what's gone up to Henry, then?

Well, according to Vinnie, Billy can't stand the shame of an illegit grandson.

So wedding bells are in the offing.

Hey, maybe I should give him a bell.

Put in a quote for the catering.

Stand by your beds.

Oh, look, Park.

It's the Galloping Gourmet.

You going to take the drink, Sergeant Morley? No, thank you. This is not a

social visit.

Your revelry finished, Mr Morley? You should have seen it, Dave. It was a sort

of placid house party.

That's why I'm here, actually, Dave.

See, my day wasn't entirely wasted after all.

Oh?

Really? The Chief Superintendent.

He's just been rushed off to hospital.

In fact, he's probably having his stomach pumped out at this very moment.

I hope you're not suggesting any of my comestibles were responsible, Mr Morley.

I have witnesses.

Slander charges could be brought.

Samples have been sent to the lab.

No doubt you'd be notified of the results in due course.

Good night, gentlemen.

Come on, Pop.

He don't give up, does he?

Don't worry, Arthur.

Don't have a job proving it was down to you.

No, I've given up worrying, Dave. I'm just going to sit here and drink all

night. Chuck me out before you lock up.

Well, much as I'd like to keep you company.

Hey, where are you going? You're driving me home.

Sorry, Arthur.

I've got other plans.

What other plans? You ready, Ray? Just coming.

See you later, chaps.

Put him in a cab for me, Dave.

What is wrong with the youth of today, Dave?

Complete lack of moral fibre.

I blame the parents.

Yeah.

And the uncles.

Exactly.