Original subtitles

Thank you.

The door's unlocked.

What time is it? 11 .15, dead on.

I'll wait for you here. You see you do. I just said I will.

Well, I'll be off.

You'll be late. Don't rush me.

Bong, bong, bong.

Ask not for whom the bell tolls. Your sense of humour can be very tasteless at

times, Raymond.

I'm going in.

It is today.

Definitely.

There you are, Mr Daly. We've been looking for you. Dr Hardman's been

it. I haven't been feeling too good myself.

Um, is it, sir?

Do you drink very much, Mr Daly?

Excuse me?

Your drinking habit.

Would you say that you were a heavy drinker?

Or do you tend to drink only socially?

Socially.

No, I must admit I'm a very social person.

Really? Well, the nature of my work, entrepreneurial.

I have to conduct a lot of my business informally.

Dinner parties, soirees, that sort of thing.

So you'd say that you probably drank more than the recommended weekly limit.

Which is?

A couple of glasses of wine a day or a couple of whiskies.

If I found busy.

Maybe a little bit more.

Smoke? No, thank you. I just put one out.

How many do you smoke?

Oh, one, two cigars a day.

That's very odd.

Oh, my God.

How long?

Although you haven't got an ulcer, your stomach is extremely inflamed. That's

what's been causing the pain.

You're actually very strong.

But if you keep abusing your body in the way that I suspect you are...

But an ulcer can't be far away.

And if that happens, then surgery may be the only answer.

Surgery? I'm going to give you a course of tablets.

And I want you to stop smoking and drinking.

At least for a couple of months, until things settle down. Completely?

That's usually what I mean when I say stop.

Oh, and there's a diet sheet.

Avoid all fatty and fried foods.

Try and get plenty of relaxation.

Soon I'll be back in the pink. Yeah, with respect, Doctor, enjoying a quiet

smoke and a drink while I'm waving in front of a roaring fire is exactly what

do to relax.

Don't worry.

That's just habit.

You'll soon find something else to do with your hands.

And as you say, it isn't as if you're a heavy drinker.

You look terrible, Arthur.

Is it bad news?

The worst.

I must say, I'm influenced, Arthur.

I didn't know you had it in you.

It's just a matter of willpower, Dave.

You know, I must admit, until all this happened, I didn't realise just what

of pressure the modern executive has to operate under.

Ray said the doctor told you it was tobacco and booze that was stitching you

Ray doesn't understand.

Talking to Ray, if you see him before I do, would you remind him he starts

minding one of my properties tonight?

Problems? No, one of my tenants turned out to be more upwardly mobile than I

gave him credit for.

Done a runner, earned a month's rent.

I thought you always charged three months up front.

Technicality, Dave.

Are you worried about a break -in, sir?

Well, what could be more tempting than one plush, unattended Des Rez?

Do you sell much of this?

Yeah, it's very popular.

Comes from France.

Yeah, so does rabies.

Look, give us a tomato juice, not some Worcester sauce.

Are you sure about that, Arthur?

It's very spicy, this Worcester. No, no, no, it's all right.

You know, I think this should be obligatory.

Every few months, give the fabric a chance to recover from the indecent

that we give it. How long have you been off it?

Um, five hours, 27 minutes, and I feel fine.

Sure, there used to be a road through here once.

So, where is he, then? I told you, I don't know. He's usually here by now.

when he gets back, tell him Mr MacLeish called and tell him I'll be expecting to

hear from him very soon. Oh, hang on, hang on. He knows what it's all about.

I'm going to have to take it down.

Right.

Mr Mac... What?

MacLeish. A cleat. Well, how do you spoil that? Is that a big M small C or

Are you trying to upset me?

I've got a terrible memory.

I didn't sleep too well last night either. By the time Mr Daly turns up,

probably forgotten half of this.

Now, what was it about?

Mr Mac...

That's what it's about. And the other 73 tens he's selling.

Here, hang on. Tell him I'll return the lot personally when I get my money back.

Come on, come on, get the gates up!

Don't you start getting aggressive with me!

Arthur, you ain't gonna believe this, but some mad Scotsman... Arthur!

I've sold them.

My best of vanners?

After what you said yesterday, about giving you the support to see it

Those were the utterances of a man in shock.

Give me a drink.

Well, that went as well. Sort of a package. You're not a bad little earner.

all in a cash tray.

Raymond, I suddenly feel very peculiar.

Yeah, I'm not feeling on top of the world myself.

Well, that's flat. I'm not staying here another night.

Can't you see I'm a man on the brink? Don't you think I've got enough

Well, it's hardly the old one. No -one's going to nick anything.

Look, those fitments may not be to your taste, but there's many a discerning

crook would disagree with you. Arthur, there are penicillin experiments

happening in the sink. The shagpole moves of its own accord.

Why don't you just let me lock it up? I've got the only key. You've got the

key, bar the one my last tenant absconded with. The market's probably

flooded with duplicates even now.

All right, all right.

Where long?

I should have the locks changed by Wednesday.

Wednesday? Quicker if you work faster.

Me? Yes.

Look, have we got any of those boxes of liqueur chocolates that we had last

Christmas? Arthur, sit down and relax.

Arthur!

I'm going to make a cup of tea.

I'll have mine in the glass, with ice and a slice.

What were you washing the walls for?

Mr MacLeish called round for you earlier and threw paint all over them. He's

done what?

Yeah, he said they've dropped the rest of the paint round once you've given him

a refund.

I hope you disabused him.

You're joking. He was loving paint all over the place.

Who does he think he is?

Gordon, man.

Hello? This is Mr Arthur Daly.

Could I speak to Mr McLeish?

Thank you.

Mr McLeish?

This is Mr Arthur Daly.

Now, about this paint... You... You'll have to speak slower.

I missed most of that.

Yes, that's quite clear.

No, no, what is the problem with the colour?

But that is royal blue.

No, no, no, no, no. You're thinking of English royal blue. What you bought is

Spanish royal blue.

King Carlos has it slapped all over his palace.

Well, I'm very sorry it looks like that, but that paint was bought as seen.

I do not give refunds. Goodbye.

Never stick your nose in a tin of paint and think that's the colour.

It all changes as soon as the air hits it.

All sorted.

He's building an old folks' home. Says the paint makes it look like a brothel.

Threatened all sorts of things.

What are you going to do with it, then?

Learn my lesson.

Never do business from here, say.

I was told he was kosher. The man's obviously a complete crook. What a

Come on, lunch break!

It's only 11 o 'clock.

Oi! They are bad for you. They repeat. It wouldn't be the only thing that's

that this morning.

All I am saying is they don't call him Mad Benny for nothing.

Dave, all the info you have given me thus far on Benny McLeish is about as

reliable as his national football team.

All I said was he pays top cash for the right gear. But I also told you he's got

a temper. He did a few months in the neck a while back.

What for?

GBH was a spare wheel of a dormobile.

Mind you, he's very good with our stations.

People he falls out with.

Look, I've met tougher nuts than Benny MacLeish. I'm not going to start earning

from my principles just because he threatens me.

As long as it is only threats.

Like Vivians and Peters and not banging off a couple of El Marys. What is? Come

in here and not having a drink.

You're often, aren't you? Yeah. Listen, all that stuff about Benny turning

nasty, you've never actually met him, have you?

No. No, but there you are, you see. People exaggerate. Things get blown up

out of proportion.

My source was reliable.

Who's that?

Pete Hughes.

Psycho Pete?

Yeah. Pete, they'll never take me alive, Hughes.

He reckoned Benny was our man.

It will start to get easier.

I think you're doing really well.

Nobody said the first 48 hours were the worst.

Arthur!

What are you trying to do? Kill someone?

I think they're overreacting.

You heard what Dave said.

Benny's got a reputation.

Oh, it's a coincidence.

Well, think about it. He's not going to kill you for just a few tins of dodgy

paint, is he? There was inches in it.

It's just as plain as you trying to keep off the booze and cigars.

It's making you imagine things. Look, I did not imagine several tonnes of diesel

trying to part my hair.

And just drink your coffee.

It's slightly caffeinated, by the way.

Well, just drink it and I'll go into the garage and finish having a look at that

steering. It's a bit of a job. Eh?

You're going to be all right.

Just remember what the doc said to you. Relax.

Do we know?

Don't look round.

Arthur, what? I said don't look round. Drive normally.

Head for the Winchester.

What's the problem?

One of Benny's men attacked me.

Are you injured?

No, no, no. I've fought more.

Look at me. I'm a nervous wreck.

I'd better have a stiff brandy before I start palpitating.

Arthur, sit down and relax.

You've got to get a grip, Arthur. You're behaving deranged.

Look, I've denied all normal forms of sustenance and someone's trying to kill

me. Is it any wonder?

What would award you in a cafe does not constitute attempted murder. You did not

see the look in his eyes. Dave, you try and convince him. It's all in his mind.

I need the loot.

And I'll take that with me.

Ray's right, Arthur.

I mean, Benny may be a bit nasty, but I don't think he'd try and do you in. Oh,

my God!

Dave, what? Dave, look, I'm serious.

What? I broke my crutches.

What about him? Edward Fox.

Never!

They had a jackal. He had a gun in his crutches.

He was going to assassinate some French geezer.

He's got a pot on his leg.

He's looking for me.

Oh, my God, do something about him.

What? Sort him out.

On the house.

Oh, thanks.

Yeah, well, I've... I'm sorry to bother you, but I'd appreciate it if you'd let

me put your crutches outside.

You what?

Normally there wouldn't be a problem, but you see, it's my friend.

He's driving me mad.

And there are the lawbreakers, and when the lawbreakers break the law, we arrest

them. It's perfect.

But then God created Arthur Daly, and everything got blurred.

The desk sergeant said he had some information for us, could be genuine.

You college boys, always prepared to believe the better people. Father Molly,

there's a call for you.

They are quite safe, these places, aren't they? Sir?

Well, you know all them stories about bands of armed vigilantes storming

stations and taking terrible liberties with people inside.

That only happens in America, sir.

Come on.

Is that Mr Morley?

Yeah, it's Ray.

Raymond Daly.

How thick are these walls?

I haven't a clue, sir.

Thick enough, say, to stop a runaway juggernaut.

We haven't had that many cases of runaway juggernauts crashing through the

station, sir, so I wouldn't know.

No need to take that tone of voice from me, young man.

A little bit on edge, aren't you?

Here.

That's your smoke.

I'm having a vision.

Oh, I'll never forget this.

T743.

Sarge, that was Daly's nephew.

Can we keep an eye out for his Uncle Arthur? He's not been seen since he

it from the Winchester and he disturbed the papers at lunchtime.

Apparently he's come over all funny on account of his enforced abstinence from

the weed and the vodka.

Sarge? He's having withdrawal symptoms.

No light?

No. No light?

They've done this deliberately, didn't they? They put you in to put me through

the emotional mangle. Sir,

you came to us.

Can't you go and get a light?

I'm not allowed to leave you.

Can't we find two bits of wood to rub together?

Just in the nick of time.

What are you doing?

I've just been talking to your Raymond.

Huh?

Is this yours?

You can't do this. It's infringing my civil liberties.

Now then, Mr Daly, how exactly would you like to spoil my day for me?

Am I right, Sergeant, in thinking you are a man who does not believe in

sensitive counselling?

Ray warned me you were suffering a bit. Apparently doctors' orders are playing

havoc with your imagination.

The arrogance of youth, which, given your normal recollection of the truth,

makes the mind boggle.

Still, we mustn't be biased.

What can we do for you?

I want police protection.

I won't hear another word.

You cannot march into a police station and demand protection because someone

points a crutch at you. You should be down there now doing some house -to

-housing, not casting aspersions.

You are asking us to stretch it a bit, Mr Daly.

You've heard of Mad Benny's reputation.

You play games with bullies, there's a chance you'll get hurt.

Look, Benny is trying to nobble me because a business deal turned out

me than it did for him. Surely there's a law against that.

Oh,

it's a business deal again, then, is it, Arthur?

Well, perhaps if you'd like to shed a little light on the exact nature of this

business deal and why Benny's so upset, we might be in a better position to

evaluate the threat to you.

I don't want people to start thinking you've lost your marbles. Oh, better

consider it.

Donald, I appreciate you're a busy man, but this is an emergency.

Listen. Whack the ball a bit harder. Miss a few holes out. Nobody will

All right, I'll see you then. Shut up.

Raymond.

I'm prepared to believe that your bell in the old bill and speaking personally

to Morley was motivated by some peculiar sense of duty towards me. Therefore,

I'm going to give you a second chance.

Thanks, Arthur. In the absence of any police protection whatsoever, I'm

appointing you my official bodyguard.

What do you mean?

What I say.

You follow me everywhere, taste my food, inspect any unusual packages I may

receive, and in the event of any direct attempt on my person, you shield me from

it. You're pulling my leg.

Never believe the police, Ray.

When they say the coast is clear, that is the time to keep your head down.

Ready? Right, go.

Well, I'm going to need some more dosh with this job, Arthur.

What for?

Well, I need to get all the gear.

Gear? What gear?

The bodyguard stuff.

Sunglasses, dark suit.

Oh, yeah, and one of those bits of wire that stick in your ear.

What do you mean by creeping up on me like that?

I got here earlier. I was just having a poke round.

Do you mind doing your poking somewhere where it can be seen in future?

And where were you?

It could have been some sort of psychotic.

Sorry, Arthur, I was just noticing.

That paint really has dried a disgusting colour.

It's a very large amount to suddenly increase your premium by.

You haven't been told you've got something nasty, have you?

The company will check with your doctor if there's suspicious.

Apart from a nagging Veruca, you can run me in the London Marathon, Donald.

It's just that with life assurance, most people fix a rate of payment and stick

to it, unless there's disaster on the horizon. That's your Englishman, Donald.

Slave to routine.

No, no, no, no. Business is tripping along nicely, and it seemed to me like a

good occasion to add the odd extra shekel to the future security of early

indoors. And you want to increase your personal accident cover by 75 %?

Well, I don't fight against that, Arthur. I mean, you're not in a

high -risk area.

That's what they said to Louis XVI.

Fair enough, Arthur. You know what you're doing. Very true, Donald. Very

I've got patience, Mark, but this is ticking forever.

I'm not being fast.

Get out there.

Find him.

And watch him.

It's worse for you like that, Arthur.

That's memory lane.

Do not judge other people by your own standards, Dave. I'm simply trying to

a patch of clean air amongst all this.

How much longer are you staying out, Arthur? You always want to rush, Ray.

Relax. I'm supposed to be guarding Colditz, remember?

Colditz? Dave, that self -contained apartment I've got Raymond temporarily

minding. You've been there.

I have?

Yeah. When Peter Osgood scored that goal in the cup final.

You were a bit tired and emotional.

What a goal, eh?

Yeah, I remember. I passed out on a nice bit of pink shag pile in the living

room. There you are.

Youth of the day, they don't recognise quality even when it's sticking up

through their toes.

That was 20 years ago.

20 years?

Yeah, but you're still quite happy to slope off back there and forget about

aren't you? Those are mean streets out there, Raymond. I know, and I'll be

walking them if I miss the last bus.

Oh, dear, poor Cinderella.

Here, get yourself a can.

Cheers. I'll take you out your next week's wages.

You can't stop here all night, Arthur. Look, when I find a non -alcoholic drink

that agrees with me, we'll go.

Well, you start it with mineral water, and then with tomato juice, orange

grapefruit juice, apple juice, lime juice, cola, ginger beer, and you're on

dandelion and burdock there.

I think you've been through the lot, Arthur.

I'll have a glass of tap water, please.

Night,

lads. Night.

Ah, glad I caught you. I thought you'd gone. I've been doing some checking up

MacLeish. I thought we might have been harsh with Daly. You what?

Apparently there was an altercation about a load of paint that Daly sold to

MacLeish. MacLeish says that he was furious about it at the time, but now

managed to offload it, and so that's an end to it as far as he's concerned.

No vendetta.

Year of little faith. Yeah, but it always worries me making decisions when

you've only heard one side of the argument.

Still, seems you were right about Daly.

Don't you think you should send young Raymond home, Arthur?

He looks knackered.

Yeah, I suppose so.

Same again, Dave.

Trouble with the youth of today.

They've got no stamina.

You nearly caught me there, Arthur. Cheers.

Worth a try.

Come on.

Here you go.

I've forgotten.

You've got a good end.

Her indoors has gone to my sister's. So I'm on my own, you see.

Sitting target.

And I knew you'd appreciate the company.

Great.

It's a bit on the parky side, isn't it? I must get that looked at.

Mind you, wonderful views.

Not one o 'clock in the morning, though, ain't it?

I usually go out like a light.

Getting these cravings don't help. I'm too agitated to sleep.

Well, I'm not, and that's exactly what I intend to do.

I'll see you in the morning, yeah?

Half the shame of yours is strong stuff, isn't it?

Arthur, it costs a fortune.

I bet you don't have any trouble with insect bites.

You're supposed to dab it on, not embalm yourself in it. Ah, now that smells as

nature intended.

Yours is on the table.

Oh, God,

you wouldn't give that to Bugs Bunny.

It's all on your diet sheet.

No, that's just a guide.

Muesli, bacon, egg, sausage, it's all interchangeable.

Not here, it's not.

I made a list of things I need.

What things?

Oh, clothes, toiletries from Shea Daly.

Hang on.

How long are you planning on staying?

Until things quieten down.

But things will never settle down, will they? Because they don't exist in the

first place.

I've told you, it's stress firing your imagination.

Do I look like a man without his faculties? Am I frothing at the mouth of

or a cigar?

The answer is no.

Arthur, it's only eight o 'clock in the morning.

You wait till dinner time.

I am completely in control of myself.

I know he's short on creature comforts. You have convinced me this is the only

place he won't be able to trace me to.

Now, be a good lad and go and get those things for me.

Don't bolt your food.

You'll get indigestion.

I'll finish anything you can't make.

Don't. Right, what are you doing here?

A touch of the Arthur's.

You're out for another couple of hours.

I need some help, mate.

Arthur's still sweating about that leash.

He thinks he's trying to kill him for a few pots of paint.

I've told him he's ridiculous, but he's convinced.

Come here, look at this.

The only key.

He insists I lock him in when I go out and then put it in my shoe.

Why's that?

So that if one of Benny's boys attacks me, they won't be able to find it.

Unbelievable.

What do you want me to do?

I want to see Benny.

He's the only person to be able to convince Arthur not to worry.

Where can I find him?

I've got his address.

What you gonna do about a pint?

I'll tell him I'll make sure Arthur sorts it out with him.

You take care.

A dramatic depiction of an alcoholic's attempt to stay dry throughout the lost

weekend.

Well, that's why I come to see you. I'm sure we can sort out this paint

misunderstanding. If you can persuade Arthur, you're not trying to damage him.

I know it's ridiculous, but like I said, it's the withdrawal symptoms.

What do you want me to do?

Well, can't you give him a call?

He's down with me at one of his properties.

I know you.

Eh? You've been very hard to nail down.

It seems we've got there at last.

Juggernauts are no my style.

But I'm afraid your uncle is a far better judge of character than you give

credit for.

Arthur is in need of a lesson in business etiquette.

So a couple of my boys are on their way over right now.

You're joking.

I'm no man renowned for my sense of humour.

So? So what?

So what do you expect me to do?

Stand by and watch?

Quite frankly, I don't care what you do.

Look at you.

You really fancy yourself, don't you?

Well, let me tell you.

You're nothing.

Your amateur night's out.

No worth the price of his mission.

Barra boy.

Now let me tell you, I'm a daily and that means nothing.

If my uncle is so much as grazed by one of your bully boys, then I pity you,

McLeish.

Quite frankly, I pity you.

Arthur?

Arthur!

Are you in here, Arthur?

Yeah, Park.

Yeah? Yeah, go ahead.

Right, hang on.

Sarge, it's Ray Daly again.

What is it this time?

He says Arthur's been kidnapped.

Morley, it's serious.

McLean's told me he sent a couple of the boys over. Yeah, I must have just

missed them.

I'm positive. I locked him in here when I went out.

Yeah, of course there's signs of a struggle.

I mean, they've smashed glass all over the kitchen. It's a right mess.

Morley, you are the police. You've got to help.

Oh, come on. How do I know where they've taken him?

I'll call you back.

So what's the scum, Sarge? I've checked Benny once.

You and Ray both.

Since Benny admitted to sending a couple of heavies around.

What do we do?

Never a criminal around when you want one.

As much as it pains me, I suppose we'd better pay Mr.

McLeish a visit.

What?

I'm sorry, mate. I thought I knew someone in there.

Sorry, mate.

I'll have another packet of them cigars and another couple of packets of spicy

niceties.

No, no, that's fine, that's fine.

Gentlemen, what can I do for you this time?

That's £28 .17.

I'm sorry, we don't accept credit cards.

I don't think I'm hearing right.

Cash or check only.

What about your flexible thingy?

Cash or check only.

What can I have for £2 .38?

I'm not the kind of person to start yelling police harassment.

I'm pleased you view it that way.

But my solicitor, Ed... Now, hang on a minute.

No, you hang on a minute.

I've already told your colleague that I haven't a clue what's happened to Arthur

Daly. But if you two want to keep coming round here and hinting that I do,

that's fine.

But from now on, it'll cost you a lot of money.

I'd advise you against making threats, Mr MacLeish. I don't think we need to

detain Mr MacLeish any longer.

Comfortable. Does he think we like coming round here?

He's got some nerve threatening us. You should have booked him for obstructing

the course.

What have we got to go on?

The word of a con artist like Arthur Daly, who at the best of times is

unreliable. And at the moment, he's half -crazed, trying to keep off artificial

stimulants. What about Ray?

Oh, yes, Ray Mondo. The one person in the world who regards Daily Senior as a

creditable role model.

Me, I've got a leg to stand on.

Hey, old partner of ours.

God, you're all right. Get our phone somewhere that takes plastic. Come on,

in the car.

Yeah, thanks for my hat. Hey, you're in big trouble.

What? I'll take care of that. Hey, don't give me that. You'll be in big trouble.

Come on.

Hey, come on, give me that.

You can't have it. Look, look, look, come on, give me a smoke, at least.

No. Well, give me a sub of vodka.

No. Give me something.

Here, we're shut.

Staff illness.

That's the fifth in as many minutes.

It's our busiest time, Arthur. You'll ruin us.

Why don't you let me go out to the car and get my groceries?

Benny could be on the other side of that door.

Anyway, now is not the time to give in, Arthur.

Get through this and the other seven weeks will be no trouble.

It's a matter of convincing the police Benny's for real. If they saw me

they wouldn't have any doubts.

I think they might put that down as something else, Arthur. Thank you.

We're closed.

The law.

I thought I might find you here.

You're the first bit of decent luck.

You won't say that when I'm finished.

Arthur Daly.

Afternoon, Sergeant.

And looking so well after the various attempts on your person.

Yeah, I was coming round to tell you. Found him on the ice street.

Oh, that is fortunate.

Just as well, since I was coming round here to tell you to stuff your theories

about Benny being after Arthur.

We haven't got a scrap of evidence, and MacLeish is getting rather upset about

the number of visits we're paying him.

What I suggest you both do is get yourselves a good bottle of whiskey and

home and bloody well relax.

Your flight out of Phoenix, that's the one. I'll never be able to watch that

film again in the same light.

You what?

Well, when that bloke half inches the water when it's in short supply.

I mean, it's all very well to criticise frailty, but, I mean, when it's your

back against the wall... Well, you want a glass of water, Arthur, you have one.

What is happening to me?

Oh, sit down, Arthur.

I'll, um... I'll put the kettle on.

Oi.

Go and pack some things. Go on, we're going to make for the motorway. No, hold

on, Arthur.

The only way we're going to convince the police now is if they actually catch

Benny and his henchmen having a go at you.

So we're going to have to set them up.

What? I won't be a minute.

Raymond, leave it to me.

I appreciate you might be a bit sceptical, but that's what I'm saying.

Okay. We'll do it.

Just like that?

It's our duty to serve.

As long as you're sure he'll be there.

He's bound to.

He's one of those blokes who can't rest till they've settled a score.

Yeah, but, well, shouldn't we have some sort of signal so you can leap in before

the actual assault takes place?

I think you can let us be the best judge of that.

Okay. I'll see you later, yeah?

Bye -bye.

Bye -bye.

Be polite.

Be helpful.

Be forgetful.

Ray, Ray, wait. I'm for sparring. Come on, Arthur. It's not much further.

When we get there, you'll be safe until I sort things out with Benny.

Hasn't got an oxygen tent in this place.

Come on, Arthur. Keep up.

Almost there.

Don't worry. They won't let you come to any harm.

No, I'm sure.

Well, come on.

You got home, right? Dave, I need to borrow the van. I'll only be 20 minutes.

The key's in the back pocket. What's the problem? It's Benny's etchman. I'll

tell you later.

Keep an eye on Arthur for me.

I'll be hidden in there, Dave. They might come looking out front.

Yeah, well, you go careful.

There's not a lot of room in there. Come with the hour, Dave. Come with the

hour.

Dave, you've been burgled.

There's nothing here.

Someone's absconded with a drink.

I'm stock -taking.

All the booze is out there in the passage.

Oh.

Good thinking, Harper.

Yeah, I thought so too.

Come on, we've got an appointment at the King's Head.

I'm on my way.

Thin crust, Hawaiian special, no olives.

Ta.

Oh, very nice.

About tonight, are you sure you don't want me to organise something?

Not unless there's a game of dominoes down the social club.

Well, you know best, sir. Yes, I do know best.

And I know that if we turn up at the king's head, apart from Benny and his

missus, we'll be the only ones there.

And he'll get straight on to his brief.

It is no accident that my nose does not compete for space with my cheeks, Ray.

Or, in fact, I have my own set of teeth.

Look, there won't be any fighting. That's the whole point.

We're just after Benny's verbal job. Morley and Park, plus several FD

constables, step in and end the show.

It's all arranged.

It's not the sort of thing a man with gastric complications should be trying.

It's the one way we'll get him off your back once and for all.

Hold on.

Right, then.

I need something to steady me, Ray.

Anything. A bottle of vodka, half a dozen cigars.

I'm really proud of the way you're managing, Arthur. Look at that.

If they could connect me up to the national grid now, they'd save a

Come on. We can't keep them all in. This boy's waiting.

You two have got a nerve after what you've done. Good evening, Mr McLeish.

is your last chance to salvage something from a deal with the Daily.

A goodwill gesture.

Your money's back, left 20 % for our time and effort. 20 %?

Where'd you get that? And that's an end to it.

No more aggro. What makes you think I'll accept?

You can't afford to keep chasing after Arthur. I know the police have been

checking. Take it while you can, McLeish.

I will.

Ray, I think we'd better go back inside. It's all right, Arthur.

Alice, phone the police.

That footballing rabble's back.

Not again.

They've even brought the manager along this time.

Trump, king's head.

Leave it to me, Arthur.

So, Benny, you just couldn't leave it, could you?

Had to bring your thugs along.

And now you're going to assault us, eh?

And now you're going to assault us.

Don't forget I'm with Bupa.

OK, boy.

All right, Arthur.

I think the pleasure's mine.

Never, Sergeant.

You'd better ask Mad Benny that. He'd be the best person to explain when he

comes round.

Do you need a doctor, Ray? I perish the thought.

All he needs is a couple of hours in there, which I'll be quite happy to

provide. What about a doctor, Arthur? No, no, no, he'll never get here by

closing time, Ray.

Here we go. No good looking in there. Why not?

Oh, come on, Arthur. Am I going to bring the real stuff?

Am I telling you that means something?

Course it does, Ray.

Course it does.

Yeah, but what is this?

That's last night's evening paper.

Oh, my God, what are we going to do?

I'm completely strapped. I haven't got a groat.

Come on, then, Arthur.

Good boy. I've only won, though, all right?