Original subtitles

Looking like you're walking through.

What is it?

All right, open her up.

Don't you bloody dare.

If you want to talk to me, Freddy, all you've got to do is pick up the phone.

Get in the car, Jack.

No, Barry, I am not satisfied.

I'm a long way from satisfied.

In fact, I have the serious ump with you. There you go. You're cutting

vampires from the grave times four.

What am I talking about, Barry? I'm talking about these T -shirts.

500 of the bloody things.

No, no, no, no. I've no quibble with the garments, per se.

They've all got sleeves and always in the right places. It's a spelling.

Barry, to my certain knowledge, Hollywood is not the movie capital of

It's somewhere in the Essex marshes.

Oh, watcher. It's Arnie.

Where did you get all this?

Big house up at St John's Wood. Geezer's got in the place.

Do you know, too, it never ceases to amaze me that people just don't realise

what they're flying away, do they?

I bet they don't know.

About time, too.

I'll see if Nigel's on his way. Have a look at these lions. They're

these lions.

Sensational lions?

Yeah. Oh, dear, look at that.

What? It depends, Arnie. It depends.

Yeah, it depends what Nigel says, doesn't it? Hello, am I talking to

Oh, splendid.

Good morning to you, too. Good morning to you, too.

Have you ever seen anybody bow on a phone?

Nigel, where exactly are you?

I can't hear.

There's a lot of noise, Nigel.

Hello?

Can you hear me?

Hi, Nigel. Hi.

Wait. Oh, hi, Nigel.

Infectible timing. The items in question have just arrived. So I see.

Get those gates measured up, will you, Martin?

God, look at those lions.

Yes, one is a little bit foxed round the arse here.

It's not the only one, is it, either?

There he is.

Oh, no, I think they're terribly witty.

Witty?

No, Arthur said that. He said, my word, what witty little lions, he said. Didn't

you, mate?

Shut up.

Yes, I'll have them. I'm very fond of putting things like that indoors.

On your mantelpiece?

Something like that, yes.

What? What, Martin?

Right, Arthur, I'll have the gates, the fireplace and the lions.

I'm afraid that those urns are not for me at all, though.

Those urns are sensational.

Sensational? No.

No, I don't know. They're somehow deeply naff.

Naff?

You heard what the man said. Those are naff urns.

Now, help Mr Miller's man load this stuff onto his van.

Nigel, word inside.

Certainly, Arthur.

I'll see you later down the Winchester, all right?

I do acquiesce with you about the urns, Nigel, but you're quite happy about the

rest of the gear? Fabulous stuff, Arthur. Oh, fabulous. I'm such a

Look, if anything else comes up that you want, just give me a bell. You never

know what's going to turn up. Someone might leave the whole house on a skip.

Sorry, Tony, not with you.

Terry. The name is Terry. Terry, Terry, don't interrupt when money is changing

hands. Why don't you come down to the site this afternoon, Arthur? Have a look

round. Something I'd like to discuss with you. That is, if Terry here doesn't

object. Oh, no, I'd be delighted, Nigel. Any news about my premises?

Nothing definite. I've had a word with the managing agents. The thing is, these

people are killing to get into these retail units. They would, they would. I

can't wait to get my foot in the door of a free enterprise zone.

Hang in there, Arthur. I'm working on it. I'll see you this afternoon.

Oh, hang about, hang about.

Complementary T -shirt.

My compliments.

Fabulous.

See you, Nigel.

What is the matter with you, winding young Nigel up like that?

He's a wrong and a new know -it.

He's one of those greedy sods who loves doing a deal but don't want to get their

hands dirty.

And if you think that architect Nigel is going to set you up in a video shop in

his new complex, you're wrong.

All he's doing is stringing you along so you keep knocking out that hooky gear

to him. He is not stringing me along and it is not hooky gear.

One man's junk is another man's object dark.

Here. Your prejudice against Nigel because he's done well for himself.

He's the sort of bloke that's putting his country back on its feet.

She'd understand.

Come to think of it, Nigel looks a bit like her, doesn't he? Don't be

disrespectful. Oh, I'm sorry. I forgot you fancy her, don't you? I do not.

Now, get a move on.

You do. You said today... I said it was a meeting of minds.

Though I do have to admit she...

She does have womanly qualities.

You're disgusting.

Now relax.

There is no point getting wound up in these kinds of

situations.

Look at that.

The TV generation.

One brain cell ticking over.

What's your trace?

Morning, my dear. Just popped in to pick up the takings.

There's four more kung fu vampires.

Put them out blue label, 150 a go.

Hey, what are you doing?

Sorry, Arthur. I'm off.

You're what?

I'm sick of it, Arthur.

You give me 20 quid here and a tenner there. I mean, a ten hours a day for

people complaining about your poxy videos.

Now, Tracy, be fair. I only do copies of filth.

If the punters want art, they get kosher tapes.

If they want filth, they can squint.

Will you listen?

I've got a job in a wine bar and I start today.

Some kids will give their right arm for this position.

Wait. Watch her lips.

She's got another job.

Very nice.

Free water, eh?

I'm afraid it'll take a bit more than that this time, Jack.

Tell me more.

Well, the thing is that we can put you outside a factory in Tottenham, let me

see, February 12th last year. Yes, we can put you on the pavement outside the

factory with a mask on your face and a shooter in your mid.

I've never heard anything so silly in all my life.

I agree.

This filthy grass has put you there.

I don't mean to argue.

But what?

The thing is, Jack, you've had a good run.

We've had a good run.

The thing's getting a bit iffy on my side, and I've got to make a bit of a

splash. I mean, there are rumours going around that you and I are good friends.

You like to get one of these new video cameras, Freddie?

I can't say I don't have a camera.

Brilliant, now.

My pal Charlie, right?

Never taken a photograph, even. He can pick one up, press a button, bingo.

Play it back on the telly.

Could be the news at ten.

Brilliant.

So? Well, remember last year when I rented that villa in Spain and you come

for, what was it, liaison?

with the local law.

And you came by the villa for a drink at the pool.

Vaguely, Jack, vaguely.

Yeah. Well, remember those two riches that came over? Remember the one with

big... Well, Charlie was inside messing around with the video camera.

Well, Freddie, a bit saucy.

I mean, you and the one with the chest were getting, well, a bit saucy.

You invest in you, and what do they do?

And yesterday, Arthur.

Spit in your face.

Good morning.

I'm disappointed in you, Tracy.

A wine bar. Where is it?

Transylvania? Oh, bloody hell.

I'd like to return these.

Well, don't give them to me. I don't work here anymore, thank God.

There's gratitude for you. See you, Terry.

Yeah, good luck, love. And don't let the old fart grind you down.

Would somebody please take these tapes? Yes, give them to my assistant, will

you? He's temporarily in charge.

No, no, I'm sorry. No, it's nothing to do with me.

Oh, by the way, I'm Arthur Daly.

It's not often I get the chance to meet our members.

Listen, you, I'm not working here. Look, I am in a hurry, actually.

Oh, don't leave empty -handed.

We have the new Jack Nicholson.

Any news, Charlie?

Yeah, that was Jack.

What'd I tell you?

They're letting him go.

I really thought they had him this time.

Nah, not Jack.

He's got the gift he has.

I'm not working here.

Terry, please.

No, no. One day.

The punters will go elsewhere if I close down.

They won't bring the tapes back, please.

Just for me.

Just one day? One day.

All right, then. Terry, you are beautiful.

On one condition.

Any condition.

A tonne in the hand now. You must be mad.

Yeah, and I was beautiful just now. A tonne in the hand. All right. The shop

stays closed, all right?

As I was telling Detective Constable Mellish, I've recently had a

amount of renovation done on my house. Yes, sir. If you'd done mine, Mr

Sinclair, my colleague, would tell me all the details.

That's what I haven't told you about. If you would just concentrate on the

photographs, would you, sir, please?

Yes.

Right. The builder leaves all this rubbish in our friend's front garden.

Our friend hired some cowboy by the name of John to get rid of it.

Our friend says, quote, when I get back this evening, I don't want to see so

much as a brick.

And? Well, this John does a good job. Our friend doesn't see so much as a

He also doesn't see his raw iron gates, his bronze dolphin door knocker, and his

lines.

His what?

Lines, Gus.

The kind that sits on the gatepost.

Oh, yeah. Yeah, of course. Silly me.

Well, no, just get a statement off him and get shot at him, will you?

I've got more important things to do than worry about a bloke who can't hang

to his bloody gates. Yeah, but the thing is, Gus, I think I see a pattern

emerging. Oh, really? Yeah, I mean, look at what's been reported stolen over the

past two weeks.

Three farm places, 30 -foot vote banners, borrowed staircase, two front

ornament fountain.

It's a right little crime wave, isn't it?

I wonder if the Mafia are rebuilding their London headquarters.

That's the man.

That's him.

I'd swear.

Suddenly I'm interested.

I'm sorry, mate, but these should have been in two days ago.

Look, I told you, me mother was rushed into hospital the night before last. The

wife's working nights, so I'm left with the kids, right?

Hold on, you just said your dad was in hospital.

He is. He's been in for months, but now me mum's in.

The health of my entire family is up to spout, and I'm supposed to remember your

bloody videos.

Oh, God, all right.

You people. All you think about is lying in your own pockets.

I said all right, didn't I? I'm letting you go.

Yeah, right and all. I shan't be coming in here again.

Bloody marvellous, innit, eh? My mum's on the critical list and he's trying to

nick a quid off me.

Ah, excuse me.

Oh, yeah.

Have you got your membership card? Yeah.

Excuse me, can I ask you something?

Have you got Stormtroopers in suspenders?

Well, we do have it, yeah, but if it's not on the shelves, it's not in. Ah, no,

excuse me, because apparently it is due in this morning.

Yeah, well, some did come in earlier. Hold on, will you?

This is yours.

Some of these, eh?

Oh, there you go. Bingo.

Stormtroopers in suspenders.

Right.

Now, that'll be six quid.

Including the charges for fumigation, of course.

Don't mind my saying.

You've got a very funny attitude to somebody who should be serving the

If you don't mind my saying, I'm being extremely nice at the moment.

Jack, I just want to know what happened.

They look in here, did they? What?

Yes, they did.

And I've got a bone to pick with you, Jack, last.

They pulled out this porn video. I didn't know where to look.

Oh, now, my darling, this is not a porn video.

This is an epic masterpiece.

Confessions of a Copper.

Starring Inspector Freddie Dyer.

Wait a minute.

What's this, Ordinary People?

Ordinary People?

Jack, what is going on?

Sandra, where is the video that was in this case?

I don't know. The old bill was chucking them all over the place.

If they're not here, God help me.

God help me.

Maybe it... What?

Well, it's just that I took some rented videos back this morning. I mean, I

might just possibly have put the wrong tape back in the wrong box.

I do not believe what I'm hearing.

Are you trying to tell me that you were stupid enough to... Well, how was I

supposed to know?

How am I supposed to know that some bloody porn video is important?

You never tell me anything.

All right. All right.

Just tell me where you got the videos from.

The usual place.

Next door to the shop.

Daily, the video.

Hello, Martin. Good afternoon, Mr. Daly. He's in there.

All right, go on.

Nigel.

Arthur, hi.

Hi.

Who's that?

That's Daly, the chap I'm getting all this fabulous stuff from.

Hasn't got a clue.

What about that suit?

A bit of grunge on the old hush puppies.

Never mind, Arthur.

This is my partner, Simon. Simon Arthur Daly.

I've just been clocking the commercial premises opposite.

One of them will do very nicely.

Nigel's going to help me get a foot in the door here.

The premises opposite?

I don't understand.

Yes, I, um...

Said I put in a word for Arthur here. What was it, Arthur? A video shop.

Yeah, well, I see. I mean, this is all going to be wall -to -wall media folk

city types around here, isn't it? And let's face it, they like their leisure.

Crack a bottle of Bollinger, stick the feet up, bung the old video on. Lovely.

Well, I can see you've done your research, Arthur.

Well, I think you can say I've got my finger on the pulse, Nigel.

Well, in that case, perhaps you know something about these things here.

A music centre?

Well, I'm very into using these stoves at the moment. Oh, it's a cooker.

Particularly second -hand. You know, with that slightly distressed, knocked

-about look.

You know what I mean? I just thought I'd mention it.

I think I'll get your gist, Nigel.

Good man.

Raise the arms up, would you, Jack?

Oh, are you kidding? I don't need to be. Why do I?

I've got all I need in glorious Technicolor. Where is it, then?

Oh, it's somewhere safe. I can't lay my hands on it at the moment.

You said you could.

I'm funny like that. Sometimes I say things.

I think you're a sodding liar, Jack.

I think this video is one of your little fantasies.

So arrest me.

You've got till tomorrow.

Then I will.

Right then.

Hello, Winchester Club?

Put me through to the library, please.

Dave, that's not very nice.

Listen, if Arnie comes in, tell him to dwell there, will you? I want a word.

Yeah, OK.

Ta -ra.

No, no, it's all right. It's all right. Don't worry.

Have the last ten minutes on me.

Thanks.

No, I'm sorry. I'm closing.

Oi, I said I'm closing.

Don't mind him.

He's only been helpful.

I've got one of your videos here.

Ordinary people.

Well, where's the box?

Ah, you've already got that.

You see, my old lady made a bit of Le Mans.

She brought back four videos this morning, but one of them was mine.

Am I, uh... Am I getting through?

See, I give you this back, then you give me mine.

What's it called?

Stormtroopers in suspenders. Yeah, we wouldn't want that to go missing, would

we? Just get it, pal, will you?

Ah.

No, there is one slight problem. It's out on hire.

Yeah, well, that'll be yours, won't it?

No. No, you see what I mean?

Because you've got two of them now, right?

And one of them's mine.

Right, Charles, I think I'll hear.

Yeah. Sorry I didn't quite catch that.

Why don't you have a little check around?

And then...

You can go and have a nice drink. Here, see?

How much do you earn in this rat hole, anyway?

Look, there's more.

Loot. Lovely loot. The root of all evil.

Suddenly, it won't be such a bad day after all, is it?

Good boy, good boy.

This isn't it.

It's a different label.

It's the same film, isn't it?

Just take it, will you, and take your money as well, and stick it somewhere

intimate. No, no, no.

I'll take two quid of that for the video that's overdue.

You don't understand.

This is not my video.

No, see, your video is out on hire, so you can't have it. Am I getting through?

Well, just tell me who you loaned it out to, and I'll go round and make the swap

myself. Well, I couldn't do that.

A member's address is strictly confidential.

Do you know who I am?

Do you know who you're talking to?

This is Jack Last, my friend.

That mean anything to you?

I don't care if it's Jack the Ripper.

I'm setting up shop.

Now, if you want your video, come back tomorrow, eh?

Let me give him a smack.

Just a little one. No, no, no, no, no.

We come back tomorrow and we pick up the video.

And if there's any problems, you ain't got a video cop left.

Go on, sling your hook.

You know what I think?

I think the silly sod's gone and lost it.

Get someone under the local nick.

Find out who owns that video shop.

Bonnie and Clyde.

Why don't we give him a tug, Gav?

Very tempting proposition, Mellish, but I shall resist it.

What do you mean?

I have got bigger fish to fry.

That is what I mean.

So what are we talking about here then, Arthur?

Microwaves? No, no, no. Your old -fashioned kitchen range.

Look.

Like that.

Oh, yeah.

God, Otis, look at the state of that kitchen.

No, no, no, that is the country kitchen look.

Country pigsty look, more like. All that fitted high -tech stuff is well parfait

now.

Well, I think it's an attempt to recreate the rural past, but more myth

reality.

Pardon?

Well, that's what it says here.

Oh, look, will you be serious?

What I'm trying to tell you is, you find any old cookers like that, you're on a

tour.

Result?

What, to tell you all right?

No. Right, John?

Um, I think I'll have a large brandy and American, please.

One of those days, eh? Yeah, you could say that, yeah.

They're all in here this evening.

The cream de la cream.

Is this for that yuppie twerp, Nigel? Good evening, gentlemen.

Isn't this charming?

The lads are swapping ideas about wallpaper.

That happens to belong to her indoors.

She's a regular subscriber.

What about you, Arnie?

You interested in homes and gardens, are you?

No, I live in a tower block. We don't have to bother with that sort of thing.

Excuse me.

They're at it.

I can tell.

I can smell it.

Oh, no.

I think that was Arnie, Gav.

He's always covered in deezer, ain't you noticed?

Did you bring the takings?

No.

What do you mean, no?

I forgot, all right?

No, it's not all right. Look, you extorted a one -er out of me for minding

shop. I need a cashier too. Just don't give me any of your eight tonight, all

right? Just not another word.

Look, all I'm saying is... Right, that's it.

Night, all.

Oi, hold on, where are you going?

Come back.

Terry.

Dave.

You know those old kitchen stoves, you know, the ones with the doors?

No.

Who is it?

Me.

Go away.

Oh, come on, Terry. What's the matter with you? Open up.

Come on.

Brought you a drink.

It upsets me when you get the ump.

Yeah, does it? Yeah, it does.

I care.

I'm concerned.

I feel like a father feels towards his son.

Do what?

His brother.

Also, I still haven't got anyone to run this shop.

Now, listen, you... Sorry, sorry.

I just thought I'd mention it.

Bloody shop.

That's where it all started.

What? Where what happened?

No, you wouldn't understand.

Terry, how can you say that?

Terry, my ears are yours for bending.

All right, then, look. I was sitting in the shop today, and who should walk in

but Jack Last.

Jack Last?

Jack Last?

That's what I said, Jack Last, yeah.

He comes in with one of his men, right, and...

Well, he's given it all that menacing looks. And he asks about this video.

Now, the thing is, you see, I knew he was, but he didn't know who I was.

Well, there was a bit of a misunderstanding, and then he started

annoyed.

What?

But then he gets out his dough and starts plonking ten -pound notes down on

counter.

And that's when it happened.

What? What happened?

It was a way that he was putting the money down. I mean...

I could see him looking at me, thinking, here's some wally who works in a proxy

video shop we've never seen a tenner before.

And I thought, well, that's it, then, is it? That's what it's come to.

Then he started making threats, and his mate was really looking for a ruck,

and... Do you know what I did, Arthur?

You hit him?

No.

I walked away from it.

Do you see what I mean?

It was a very... depressing moment.

Oh! Very depressing moment. I do not believe this.

Jack Last is making threats in my shop and you are depressed.

Look, you asked me what was giving me the ump. I just told you, all right?

Look, will you shut it about your midlife crisis for a moment and tell me

was he making threats about?

Oh, I don't know. Apparently, one of your videos got mixed up with one of his

and I loaned his out by mistake, that's all.

Mind you, he did say that if... if he didn't have his one back first thing in

the morning, you wouldn't have a video shop left.

Makes you wonder, though, doesn't it?

No, it does not make me wonder. Well, it should, Arthur. I mean, why would Jack

Last get all lathered up about some soppy video?

I wonder how you can be so irresponsible, upsetting Jack Last.

Terry, I do not want my shop burnt down.

You will get the video and return it first thing, before the man gets really

nasty.

I'll think about it.

Terry, I beg you.

I said I'll think about it.

Depends on what?

If he asks nicely.

Righty -do.

Arthur Daly.

Who wants to know?

Inspector Dyer.

Serious crime squad.

Like a word with you?

Inside.

Serious crimes?

I've never committed a serious crime in my life, Inspector.

Or a frivolous one, for that matter.

Right with Aladdin's cave you've got here.

All legitimate stuff, I can assure you. I have the paperwork to prove it.

Mr. Rycott can vouch for my legitimacy.

Rycott? Detective Sergeant Rycott from our ever -friendly police station.

Him and me have a close working relationship.

both being dedicated to law and order in the local community.

A busy man, aren't you, Daly?

Yes, yes, that is true.

Then there's the video shop, isn't there?

Come again? Daly Videos.

That's your business, isn't it?

Oh, yes, yes, that is true. That is my business, yes.

So you know Jack Last, then, do you?

Jack Last?

Jack Last?

Daly.

What a patient man.

Jack Last has seen in your shop yesterday.

Yes.

Now, either you stop giving me the runaround and tell me all about it, or

assume that you're webbed up with him. In which case, you're in very serious

trouble. Jack Last.

Yes, now you mention it, I do believe he is a customer. Is that why he's got a

car parked outside your shop at the moment?

God, what?

Why is that, do you reckon?

Well, I don't have much to do with the day -to -day running of the shop, but my

manager did tell me there was some confusion over it.

Believe me, that is the strength of it, officer.

Stand on me, I've never ever met the man.

All right, darling.

I'll be in touch.

Be very, very careful, Daly.

You don't seem to be taking this in.

Serious crime squad.

I mean, Rycott's one thing.

He's like a wart. You get used to him. But these two were not nice, Terry. I

probably think you've been robbing security vans with Jack last.

Now, if you were to get 20 years...

Even with remission, you'd probably never see the light of day again, would

How can you joke about such things? Easy.

Hold on, hold on, that's number eight.

This must be it.

God, look at the state of that.

There's always someone worse off than you.

And I think he's it.

What do you want?

Hello, do you remember me from the video shop?

Look, there's been a mix -up with the tapes.

Yeah, not half there, Adam.

I've got a complaint to make about one of them tapes.

I'm getting curious about this.

Would you mind if we came in and had a look at it?

I'll go in there.

20 years old.

Look over there.

Look. It goes out of focus from time to time.

You have a word there, Faye?

It only lasts for six minutes.

Got Barry Norman here.

Ticket, please.

No, thanks. I mean,

it's rubbish.

That's him!

That's the old Bill who was harassing me this morning. You know who that is,

don't you? It was that flasket Freddy Dyer who tried to nick me once when he

a DC.

Oh, look who's turned up.

Jolly Jack Last.

I thought we were going to get good here.

My God, she's taking off her... Yeah.

But then it goes out of focus, and even if you freeze frame, you can't see much.

Look at the size of those.

I think that's enough for you.

I mean, very handy.

Come on, let's get out of here.

Hey, what about the refund?

I had a question. You have just been blackballed from the Arthur Daly Video

Club.

What are we going to do? We're in dead stock whichever way we go.

Between the devil and the deep blue what's -it.

And no fault of mine, I might add.

If you hadn't got those tapes mixed up in the first place, we wouldn't be in

this situation. Now, if you don't stop moaning, I'm not going to tell you how

get out of this.

What? Al, what do you mean? Look, we go to the lock -up and we make a copy of

the tape, right?

Yeah. We give the original to Jack Last.

Yeah. And we keep a copy just in case there's any aggro from Dyer.

Brilliant. Yeah, it's funny, you know. I was thinking of a little similar...

Just get in the car.

Oh, yes, this could turn out extremely nicely.

A bit of influence in Scotland Yard will come in very handy.

Just remember, this is only a last resort.

I mean, don't expect Freddie Dyke to start inviting you to play golf with the

commissioner.

Don't worry, I wouldn't use you as my caddy anyway.

It's them again.

The videos.

Do something.

Now, don't turn them off.

Just close the door.

It's Arnie.

Morning, Arthur.

Have I got a sensational old stove for you.

Sensational stove?

Well lived in. Come take a look.

You have?

You'd better get it down to site. Nigel will have a look at it.

Terry, you'll be able to finish this job on your own, won't you? That's right,

Arthur. You run away.

Well, I think it's better if I'm out of the way for an hour or so, don't you?

Oh, yeah, yeah. You go and have a nice time with Nigel.

I'll stay here and save your skin.

I knew you'd understand.

Come on, let's have a look at it. Ta -ra, Terry.

Thanks very much, Terry.

This could be it.

Hold on.

Daly's getting into his car.

I am not blind, Mellish.

We'll start the bloody car.

That's the second time he's done that.

Don't muck about. Have you got it or not?

You tell him to turn that sign round, and I'll tell you.

All right, do it.

Right.

Have you got my video?

You ask me nicely, and I'll tell you. Let me ask him, Jack.

No, you shut your mouth, because every time you open it, I feel sick.

All right.

All right.

You're a very hard nut.

I'm very impressed.

May I please have my video?

Because if you have it, I would be very grateful if you returned it to me. Thank

you very much.

All you had to do was ask.

You got a back way out of here?

Yeah, all right, come on.

I can have him now, can I, Jack? You might get.

It's a bit of public relations.

Er, we haven't done a left yet, Guv.

Or have we?

Just do it, Meles.

If we don't find them, I'm going to kill you.

Dead.

You did what, Terry?

Terry, you are a mature adult. You're not supposed to go around hitting

You'll have to pay for any damage if there is any.

I'll talk to you later. Nigel's just arrived.

Hi, Nig.

a lovely piece of lived -in kitchen furniture.

Oh, fabulous, Arthur. It's got that terrific, knocked -about look.

I should think so. Should have seen the way we loaded it.

You think you could use the hoist to get it up to the fourth floor, Martin?

It'll go nicely in flat nine.

Yeah, we can give it a whirl.

Nigel, could we talk money for a second? Certainly.

All right.

Take her up a bit.

Now, Nigel, I've done my research here, and I know these stoves can stand you in

two grand, second hand.

Two grand?

But as it's you, I'm prepared to talk one and a half.

Seven -fifty?

There they are.

Put your foot down, Mellish.

Wycott!

And you, sunshine.

You can't arrest me. I'm an architect.

There's my port.

Right, cop.

I'm a troglodyte.

It's nothing more than a personal vendetta against my person. That's

Arthur. And against mine. And mine and all.

All right, all right. Let's have some hush.

I am pleased. No.

I am delighted to tell you lot.

that you are in very serious trouble.

Now, wait a minute, Shirley. You don't mean me.

I mean all of you.

You, Arthur, as the ringleader of this little band of thieves, are in it

of all.

I hope you're all noting the verbal harassment that I am being subjected to.

Let's see what we've got here.

Theft, receiving stolen goods, conspiracy to pervert the course of

Malicious damage to a police vehicle with a stove cooking for the use of.

I told you, I bought that stove off the keys of that Arnie.

That's all right, Arnie, we'll see.

There will be other offences to be considered.

Mellis, go and ring up Mr Sinclair, will you, and ask him to get up the station

to identify Arnie here.

Right, go.

You remember Mr Sinclair, Arnie?

No, never heard of him.

Never.

Well, perhaps you recall his gates.

And his lovely lions, what's that on them?

I bought those lions in very good faith from Mr Daly here.

Thank you very much, Mr Miller, most useful.

The yuppies are wrongin'. Rycott, I demand that you

contact Inspector Dyer of the Serious Crime Squad.

What are you on about, Daly?

Yeah, what are you on about, Arthur?

I insist on speaking to Inspector Dyer immediately.

I think you'll find he'll cast a very different light over this miscarriage of

justice.

You can squawk as much as you like, Daly.

It will get you nowhere at all.

This time, they are going to lock you up.

Do

you

mean you've got them all down in the cells?

Yeah. We're just waiting for this bloke to come in and identify Arnie, then

Maricot's going to charge him.

How's Arthur taking all this?

Thinks he's the bird man of Alcatraz, doesn't he?

Bye, Sandy.

He started to scratch the days on his cell wall.

He's only been down there 20 minutes.

We're never going to hear the end of this, are we?

Keep screaming blue murder about some inspector from the yard.

Dyer or something.

What's that about? One of Arthur's fantasies?

Yeah, probably, yeah.

Dyer?

Um, I've got a certain videotape here I think you might be interested in.

Yeah, that's the one.

Ah, no.

No, before I hand it over, you're going to have to do me a little favour.

Yes, Inspector, I understand.

I normally wouldn't consider it, but in view of the circumstances... I

appreciate it.

Of course.

If there's anything I can do in the future... Don?

Ah, Sergeant MacArthur.

This is Inspector Dyer of Serious Crime.

How do you do?

Oh, hello.

He's come to ask us a favour concerning one Arthur Daly.

He has?

I believe you have Daly and some others in custody.

Oh, yes, I have. The thing is that we've been mounting a lengthy investigation.

I prefer not to go into details.

other than to mention the name Jack Last.

Ah, yes.

Jack Last.

It's an investigation that's been going on for three years. And if Daly is

charged, then I believe that he could jeopardise the whole operation.

Daly? He's instrumental in key areas.

Wait.

Wait, does this mean... You're telling me, sir, I've got to... Let him go.

Yes, Sergeant.

We have to consider the larger issue here.

Riker, are you all right?

What do I always say?

Trust Arthur.

Unbelievable, Arthur. They had to spank the rights. Spank the rights.

Arthur Daly.

The man they couldn't hold.

I don't want to see either you or Daly ever again.

The feeling's mutual, Cosa.

Oh, now, God, he did himself an injury.

I deserve it, Mennish.

I deserve the pain.

You should have seen him when he came out. He said...

Have there been any great technological advances while I've been away?

How long were you inside for, Arthur?

You can lock a man up, but you cannot imprison his spirit.

It's up here.

If you've got it up here, incarceration means nothing.

An hour and a half.

He was banged up for an hour and a half.

Surely you had a right result, thanks to Terry.

Yeah, yeah, true, true, true.

Once Terry didn't make a pig's ear of it.

Oh, cheers, Arthur.

We got out of that a treat.

No problem.

Yeah, no problem.

Give them the title. I wonder why they buried a wheelbarrow.

Him, the title. Bloody Daly. Why they buried a wheel.

If you want to obtain the situation.

It'd be so good for you