Original subtitles

Love you like you want to.

Chocolate. Lager.

So, what is it?

The wallpaper.

Clear and tell.

I mixed the drinks wrong. What?

What?

What? What is it?

Do not ag me, Dave. I'm depressed.

I'm depressed and all.

This is all very depressing.

You're right then.

Yeah.

Twelve.

I'm dying, Perry, I'm dying.

We're all dying, Arthur. I'm speaking business -wise.

A man of my sensitivity and middle years does not need to be reminded of

physical mortality, thank you very much.

Rage, rage against a dying and a blight.

Aye? Dylan Thomas, man after me own heart. Oi.

And a pissed artist.

And I think you'll find it's light, not blight.

Not if you'd seen his liver.

Now, you see, Terry, you don't understand the pressure the creative

under. The terrible strain trying to persuade people to accept your personal

vision. Not to mention your personal checks.

That's it, mock and titter, mock and titter. Bung the odd male in when I'm at

lowest ebb. And full flow.

You'll see, you'll see. My phoenix will rise.

And daily enterprises will again be a force to reckon with.

He may be in the gutter, but he's looking at the drain.

What?

Come on.

What are you doing?

What are you doing?

Well, Sarver, this is all physical damage, George. I mean, you want your

to sound convincing, don't you?

All I need is one really good coup to set me up.

Yeah, look, if there's anything crooked, just leave me out, all right?

Oh, and another thing.

Something has got to be done about self -inflicted.

What do you suggest?

A stomach pump?

Come on, look, he's giving me serious headaches.

Oh, don't talk to me about headaches.

Oh, look at this.

Who'd have thought it was once a major clearinghouse for top -class consumer

durables? Never mind all that. What are we going to do about self -inflicted?

Here am I talking about lost empires and you're giving me one of life's

dedicated losers.

Have you no sensitivity for my dilemma?

Sensitivity?

He was sick on my duvet.

Really? Yeah.

That's funny.

I've never known him eat anything.

Mac, allow me to introduce you to self -inflicted Sid.

One of the manor's more colourful miscreants.

Looks like a buper salesman's worst nightmare.

Aye. Rumour has it he was once nearly employed as a government health hunting.

What are you going to do?

Pit me up because I've got a bit of a chest problem?

Where is Arthur, by the way?

Who? Daly.

What am I, gross or what? If you want him, you find him.

He's left.

Law leaf. Talk to let that go.

I am a tolerant man.

Apart from which, no -one tells him anything anyway.

Come on.

There you go, Morrie. Fresh as a daisy. Save yourself.

Where are you getting all this produce, Justin?

Ask me no questions, I'll tell you no pulpies.

Have you got a trade or what?

OK.

Slip them into the shop.

Done.

All right, chaps.

How's it going?

OK. You?

Yeah, cracking on, cracking on.

Where do you want these, out of pack or what?

Sadie will show you where. All right.

Trash little sod.

Everything all right?

Sweet as a nut.

It's in the floater.

Invoice listing, what's in it?

Your problem is you're in a time warp.

Time warp? Me?

Don't be ridiculous.

Listen, to run a business these days, it's all high tech.

You punch a few buttons and there it is, all on the little green screens for

you. It's microchip mentality, you see. That's what you need to own a crust.

Mind you, I suppose it can't be easy to adjust as a senior citizen, can it? Keep

it up, keep it up. I bet there's something else you're having trouble

days and all. That's it, you're fired.

Good joke, is it, Terry?

Well, Arthur didn't think so, no.

I hope this is a social visit and not an official one, Taff. Just making the

rounds, Arthur.

Here. I've heard you've been made up.

Argent, you!

That's right, Terry.

Let me introduce you to my new colleague, D .C. Jack MacDonald.

They get younger every day, don't they?

Don't get any better looking, no.

Jack is fresh from the highlands of Scotland and a keen student of the

classes. Well, he won't learn much about them here, will he, Terry?

Not many, no.

As a respected member of the business community, I am pleased to welcome an

officer of the law.

Arthur Daly, at your dedicated service.

I know all about you.

I've read your file.

And where I come from, we don't fraternise with villains.

No, no, no. A few misdemeanours in the dim and distant does not make me a

villain, Jock. As your senior colleague here will no doubt testify.

And I don't like to get called Jock. You remember that.

Who trained him?

Right, cut.

You've got to learn a few more manners, Jock.

Now, Terry, let us not demean ourselves with unseemly hostility.

Well, it's very nice to see you again, Taff, but you must excuse me. Busy time

for me now, you know, reorganising, restructuring.

Oh, excuse me.

Arthur Daly Enterprises, Arthur Daly himself speaking.

Arthur, it's me, Sid.

Oh, hello, Sidney.

Can you talk?

Oh, yes, yes, I'm listening.

Oh, I'd better ring and give you the office.

Lots of people down here sneaking about, yeah.

Didn't care what for.

But if I didn't tell them nothing, I'd get well stung. So you'd be on your

Is that all, Sidney?

Well, I told them to clear off, didn't I?

It was a cafe from down the local and some... Gosh, I ain't seen before.

Thank you, Sidney.

Arthur already has that information.

What?

Misguided staff loyalty, you understand?

Hello, Sidney?

You're a cretin.

Hold on, hold on. Where's he ringing from? I neither know nor care, Terry.

Oi, you, where are you ringing from?

Who is this?

Who was that?

It's me, Terry.

Where are you ringing from?

Oh, tell.

Who is that other geezer?

What's happening?

Look, are you ringing from my flat?

Well, um, yeah.

But I took the keys off you. How did you get back in there?

But it was an emergency, Toto.

Through the kitchen window.

You broke in through my kitchen window?

Don't worry, Toto. There ain't much damage.

At least, I don't think so.

Oh, God.

I'm going to do a bit of eviction.

You want to lodge a complaint?

Like breaking and entering charges against self -inflicted?

No, thanks.

If I want any help, I'll get a policeman.

An English one.

All of them?

Throughout the park.

And you discovered this when you unlocked the park this morning, sir?

It was five hours ago when I reported it.

We have got more important problems to deal with, sir.

Excuse me.

Tell me, Mellish, why are the Wooden Tops not dealing with this?

Well, you know why, Garth.

Because the super told you to.

Take his statement. I'll wait in the car.

Oi, you.

Oi, wake up.

Sid, wake up, you bum. What?

What's happening?

Where am I?

I'm going to kill you.

Joe, it's you, mate.

Did you hear what I said?

You're going to kill me.

Your eyes.

You ought to see them from this side.

Myers Garden Centre?

Oh, hello, Jimmy. What's happening?

He's what?

When?

What was it?

Yeah, of course I have.

No.

OK.

Thanks for letting me know.

OK.

Bad news, Murray?

It ain't good.

Lebanese Larry dropped dead this morning.

Heart attack.

It's bloody inconvenient.

I was supposed to have a trade with him this evening.

Well, look, I know it's none of my business, but if there's anything I can

help... Not unless you know someone I can knock out a lorry load of electrical

goods to on the hurry up.

Leave it to me, I know just the men.

Oh, yeah.

Who?

Arthur Daly.

Arthur who?

So what sort of girl are we talking about here, Charlie?

Well, that's a monkey deposit and two -a -week rent.

Oh, that's a bit strong, isn't it? It's a good sight.

Plenty of passing trade.

Could you just move your leg?

Oh, God!

Arthur, what sort of motor is this?

One of rapidly increasing depreciation.

There is nothing to follow up. You type that report, you file it and you forget

it. I've got more to worry about than a bunch of flowers.

Yeah, but what about the quality of life, Governor? I mean, the ratepayers'

rights to behold the beauty of nature in our public parks.

You have got a disturbing romantic view of life, Mellish.

Would you be fit as an officer of the law?

The Governor's still keeping you busy on the Great Park robberies, is he, Ron?

Well, somebody's got to protect the quality of life for the public.

Aye, aye, but it just sort of...

occurred to me like that it's hardly the kind of crime that warrants the

attention of a detective sergeant now, is it?

Oh, vandalism of this magnitude. It does require the attention of a more senior,

experienced officer, I believe.

Oh, I'm sure the governor has chosen the right man for the job, Brian.

I just brought in a bloke who reckons he's been kidnapped, chloroformed and

his lorry nicked. The desk sergeant thinks someone should have a word with

Oh. Oh, yeah, all right, Harry.

Get his details.

I'll be along in a few moments.

Come on, Charlie.

Undo your seatbelt.

Undo it.

That's it. Come on.

Look, I don't want you to think I'm being rude or anything, Charlie, but

you ever considered the Scargill diet?

Done wonders for our indoors.

Don't get personal, Arthur.

It's glandular, isn't it?

I have to eat a lot.

Yeah, I can see that.

That would... Is this it?

Yeah.

All right, isn't it?

Plenty of passing trade.

American tourists looking for St Paul's on a Sunday.

Well, it ain't always this quiet.

People cut through here to get to the high road round the corner.

It's a bit small, isn't it?

From what I hear, you ain't got a lot to put in it anyway. I'm planning to

expand in the very near.

Well, it'll do till then, won't it?

50 sobs a week, no deposit.

I asked you how long you've been employed by the firm, Mr Babcock.

Oh, not very long.

Just recently. Recently.

Could you be a little more precise?

About a week.

Four days, to be precise.

Were you asked to supply references?

Yeah, yeah.

I'm a driver.

That's what I do for a living.

It's my job.

So this sort of thing has happened to you before, has it?

Pardon?

Thanks,

but I don't think I'll bother.

Have you had a look at the little green hill? No, thanks very much. I'll pass.

Thanks very much.

All right, mate. Cheers.

No joy?

Nah.

Would you buy a second -hand motor off of Arthur Daly?

Don't be daft.

But I know a way you could lose him and cop all the dough.

Yeah, well, don't bother me. I'm not interested.

You seen him yet?

No, I think I'll dwell at the Winchester. He's bound to turn up there

point. Do you fancy a drink?

Maybe later.

I've got things to do. I've got to sort out the flat.

Take me washing down the laundry, Elder.

Why don't you get a bird to do all that stuff?

No, you let Richard start doing the domestics. Next thing you know, they'll

to move in, don't they? Yeah, I thought you were right.

Yeah, tell, Arthur ain't skin, is he?

Well, he's pleading poverty, but...

No, he's got to have something stashed away somewhere, hasn't he?

Listen, I've got to go, Mum. I'll see you later. All right, sir, yeah.

But, sir, this man is lying through his teeth. He set himself up. He is a part

of it.

He's confessed to that, has he?

Made a statement and signed it?

Well, not exactly, no, but if I... He checked his credentials, been in touch

with his previous employers.

The only one he gave me.

What evidence do you have to justify holding him any longer?

Instinct, sir, plus years of experience. I don't want... to hear about your self

-deluding instincts.

When the medical examiner has finished with Mr Babcock, he is free to leave. Is

that clear?

Crystal is opaque by comparison, sir.

Righto, Harry.

Oh, hello.

Arthur.

The man himself. I've been looking all over for you. So I am.

Buckley, your finest bubbly, please, Dave. I wish to celebrate Arthur's good

fortune. You must know something he doesn't know.

There's little I know that Arthur hasn't already forgotten.

This is Mr Numero Uno, the governor.

Capo di capo on the manor. In that case, you must know something I don't know.

Bollinger, all right?

That'll do nicely.

I don't take plastic.

May I ask what is this good fortune I'm celebrating?

The acquisition of enough electrical domestic appliances to fill your

Warehouse? Warehouse to capacity.

Interested?

I'm disappointed, Arthur. I'm really disappointed.

I didn't say I wasn't interested. I'm just thinking about it, that's all.

But the person I used to know was decisive.

Had plenty of street cred. Always knew a good deal when he saw it and went for

it. Maybe this person I've always considered to be my mentor, my

has passed it.

This person you're referring to, do I know him?

It's all about you, Arthur.

Oh, me? Me?

History, am I?

So what happened to Mr Numero Uno, Capodo, whatever it was?

Precisely. The way I hear it, you're not exactly cracking away on the

entrepreneurial front anymore, which causes me distress and disillusion.

I mean, especially when the people in our game say half are who.

They do?

Who do?

Well, exactly. You don't know who.

Look, just because I'm keeping a low profile at the moment in order to

reorganise and restructure my growth potential... does not mean that I am no

longer a front -runner in the black economy state, and I do not need a young

whippersnapper like you to tell me otherwise.

All right, Arthur, have it your way. I'm just trying to do you a favour down to

the old pals, eh?

Hold on, hold on, hold on.

How much did you say this Morris What's It was asking?

You local?

Sorry? Do you live around here?

No, I travel all the way from Birmingham, just so I can do my washing

I like a girl with a sense of humour.

You know, you remind me of someone.

Really? My dad.

He's going through a mid -life crisis as well.

It's like I said, he wants to get shot and he'll hurry up. It's a licence to

print. Be a nice little earner for you, Arthur.

Yeah, you see, I've got this complicated cash flow situation just at the minute.

Don't worry about it.

Everything's negotiable. You taught me that.

Besides, I've already given the office that you're an honourable man to do

business with.

Trust my judgment, don't you?

What are you doing here?

Just want to check that everything's OK, Arthur.

You know, after that trouble we had with the odd lot that go away, Sidney, we're

trying to talk business here.

One of our own, is it?

Who is that lunatic?

Self -inflicted.

One of life's tragic bits of flotsam washed up on the sea of humanity.

I bung him a few quid from time to time to do the odd menial. Oh, right.

Yeah, it's one of the burdens I have to bear because of my incurable, humane and

charitable nature.

Why is he called self -inflicted?

He clocked the scar on the side of his boat. Yeah?

Striped himself with a razor in order to look the part.

Figured it would make him more acceptable to the fraternity.

Nah. Yeah.

Some people will do anything to climb the social ladder, won't they?

You interested in that?

Yeah. You flogging them?

That's right, yeah.

I just got my licence, didn't I?

Looking for my first car in it.

Look, do yourself a favour. Go and look somewhere else, eh?

Apart from a dodgy rear axle, the gearbox is on the way out.

Yeah?

Yeah.

Let me give you some advice. You see, cars, they're... Well, they're like

Yeah, you always remember the first one.

Now, you don't want to go through life remembering a nightmare, do you?

Nah, of course you don't.

Go on.

Good luck.

Cheers.

So he tells me you're having a bit of trouble shifting that pile of old

you've got lined up outside his gaff.

All good, clean runners.

Bargain half the price.

Half the price would be about right.

That's the trouble with a punter today.

They want to steal them off the poor honest trader.

Are we nearly there?

Give me a mirror on a stick and I might be able to tell you.

You should have come in my van, Arthur.

I do not go to important meets in a van.

I have an image to maintain.

Oh, yeah, I'll see how this motor would impress anyone.

Right, go to the end of here, chuck a left, then another left, and a right,

then we're there.

I could shift those motors for you, Arthur.

Yeah. If you're talking about having them disappear into the crush and then

claiming they've been nicked, forget it.

Insurance companies are well up on that these days.

Hard enough with one motor. More chance with half a dozen.

Nah, this is a different move.

Guaranteed no comeback.

And to all intents and purposes, totally legit.

And what does this miracle of marketing entail?

Let me worry about that, Arthur.

Thing is, you stand to make near enough every sob you're asking on those motors.

Minus my small commission for services rendered, of course.

So why do I have this terrible feeling of foreboding?

Dunno, Arthur.

Mind you, they do say the old bottle starts to twinge a bit as you reach a

certain age.

Oh!

So what do you think, Arthur? We got a deal?

I think I might be able to accommodate you, Morrie, provided you're happy about

the financial arrangements.

50 % when you collect, and a balance in a couple of days, right? You see, I'm

moving a lot of capital around at the moment.

Don't worry.

Believe me, I understand cash flow problems.

And young Justin here tells me you're kosher. The man's word is a legend in

business, isn't it, Arthur?

Well, modesty forbids, but I do have a certain reputation for total integrity.

I do hope so, Arthur.

It does cause me a lot of pain if I have to go looking for my creditors.

And them, of course.

Yes, I'm sure... And is it all right about the transport?

Sure, no problem.

Just let me know when you've unloaded and I'll get someone to come and pick it

up. Oh, no, no, no, no need for that. One of my men will bring it back.

Please, it's a courtesy.

I insist.

Oh, well, you put it like that, what can I say?

Tomorrow morning, then? As soon as I've been up the bank.

Here.

Well, what are you giving it to me for? Because I'm not going with you. I've got

a lot of running about to do.

I want to get shot with this cotter as a job lot.

No more messing about with bits and pieces.

That's the new business dynamic today.

Buy and then sell, without going near a commodity.

All right, then, cop up.

What for?

Well, if you're not giving me a lift, I want a cab fare. And what is wrong with

public transport, may I inquire?

Nothing. No, no, no, hold on, hold on. Here you are.

Here you are.

But I expect change.

So I'll see you back at the lock -up. Yeah. Oh, I nearly forgot.

Listen, park the lorry up on Fat Charlie's site, the one I'm going to be

from him. You can't miss it. It's in Cornhill Street, back of the I Street,

right? Hold on, hold on. What's wrong with the yard at the lock -up?

Nothing, Terry, but it's a big lorry. Where am I going to park the motor if I

want to be there?

The street.

The street?

What, and be prey to envy vandalism?

Taxi! Tay gets a pull on the way over there.

It's not our problem anymore, is it? And if he doesn't, then we're another five

grand in, aren't we?

So what do you think, Keith?

I'm always up for a trade, if the price is right, Arthur.

At the price I'm asking, you'll think you stole it from me.

That means it's hooky.

Don't be ridiculous, Keith.

No, no, no, there's no question of this merchandise being suspect.

On that, you have my committed word.

All right, all right. Let's have a look.

Where and when?

Well, shall we say an hour's time at a Winchester?

OK, then. See you.

Hello, Ronnie.

What are you doing here?

This is my case.

What are you doing here? Your case?

Oh. That wasn't the impression the super gave me.

Common behaviour down here.

What behaviour is that, Matt?

Undignified rivalry between so -called colleagues.

Different north of the border, is it, then?

What's the score, then?

Well, as you can see, Ron, we're endeavouring to discover if it's still

or not.

Loaded? Of course it won't be loaded, will it?

I mean, what sort of an idiot would leave a stolen lorry out on the open

list if he hadn't already unloaded it?

It is obvious to me that they panicked and just dumped it here.

That's a certain logic, isn't it, Ron?

Not that it is of any particular interest, but what makes you think that?

Well, if they panicked, it would be for only one reason.

Like they'd been spotted.

And if they had, we'd have heard about it, wouldn't we?

Not necessarily, no.

They might have thought they'd been spotted.

Unlikely, though, isn't it? I mean, it's not unknown for stolen lorry loads to

be packed up somewhere quiet and then picked up.

and unloaded at a more opportune moment.

That is your theory, is it? My experience, Ron, my experience.

Your experience? What bloody experience?

I am the experienced officer here.

And I say we'll get the forensic team down here immediately to go over this

dabs and anything else that might show up.

In that case, you'd better inform the super, then. Why should I bother him for

what is routine procedure?

Because it was him who told me if the lorry was loaded, we'd put it under

surveillance.

There you go, Harry.

Cheers, Dave.

Come on, when's this geezer arriving, then? What geezer?

Well, this buyer you've sorted.

Oh, Keith.

Oh, he should be on his way now.

As soon as he gets here, we'll schlep over to the lorry so he can confirm the

cargo, then you run it round to his place for unshipping.

Well, then what about the lorry?

Take it back to the site. We'll be picked up by one of Morrie's men.

Arthur!

Arthur!

Charlie, what are you doing here?

You're supposed to be fixing that porter thingy for my new car sales office.

That's just it, Arthur. I was on my way to do it, wasn't I?

And what do I see when I arrive?

Oh, the lorry.

Well, I didn't think it mattered since I was on the verge of renting the place

from you.

It's not in the way, is it?

I've got a feeling the old Bill might think so.

What?

What did you say?

They were crawling all over it as I went by the place, and I didn't hang about

to inquire why.

That place is down to me, Arthur. If you put me in it... Hold up, hold up.

What do you actually mean, the old bill were all over it?

Looking through it.

You know, they had their back open and they were looking to see what was in and

that. Oh, my good God.

What do you mean, oh, my good God? This is straight, isn't it? You told me it

was straight. It is, it is.

So why are you oh, my good God -ing it, then?

It's a natural reflex response to plod probing my property.

I'm as mystified as you are.

And I don't like the smell of this.

Bloody right, it stinks.

No, no, you stuck this up. What's going on?

Leave it out, Joe. I only know as much as Arthur. Tell him, Arthur. He's right.

What's right?

Justine's right. This ain't right.

Bloody right, it ain't right. What ain't right?

Now, listen, you, I don't want any of your lies. I don't want any of that

evasive crap.

I want the full SP and I want it now. You got it?

Tell us, what can I say? I purchased a lorry load of goods various in good

faith. Good faith?

You said it was proper. You said you'd checked it out. I did, I did.

Oh, insofar as one can in the circumstances.

I knew it. I knew it.

I could hardly run a full security check on the man, could I?

Justine told me he was sound. He seemed sound.

He is sound, isn't he?

Well, there has to be an element of trust in business, or there'd be no

business, would there?

Tell me I'm not hearing this.

Tell me I haven't stood for it again.

I don't know what you're moaning about. If I've been deceived, I stand to lose

considerable capital investment. And I stand to lose my liberties. It's down to

you again.

Steady on, Till. You ain't getting any younger, you know. No, neither am I.

Look, thing is, Till, if this does turn out to be wrong, I mean, who's to know

you was involved, eh? I mean, we're all going to keep still, so what can they

prove? What can they prove?

Oh, nothing about you or him or that geezer Morrie.

But my dabs are all over the cab of that lorry, aren't they?

Yeah, and it's on my side.

Yeah, but it ain't a problem, Charlie. I mean, it ain't your fault if someone

dumps a lorry on your site without your knowledge, is it?

Dave, could I say something?

I'm getting tired of this constant reference to my age.

Shut up, you.

Come in. Where are you going? Where are we going?

I haven't called Morrie about a lorry. Andrew, you're coming in all. Come on.

Hold on, hold on. Hang on a minute.

Look, maybe we should check this out before we go steaming into Morrie. I

he's got a few tight digeathers round there, you know. He's right, Terry, he's

right. Well, I think the best thing is for me to dwell here and you go and have

a look.

Well, I go and have a look.

Well, I can hardly put my boat on offer, can I? I might be recognised.

What happens if I'm bleeding recognised?

Nobody need be recognised.

Follow me. Harry, you're driving.

Come here.

About time they got here.

How long do you think we're with that tear then, Gough?

If nothing happens, until we get relieved at midnight.

Last night's surveillance detail hours, I think.

We're waiting for a gang of rustlers.

Oh, laugh and martyr.

Back where I come from, sheep rustling's almost a capital offence, I'll have you

know.

Unless we could go for a wee in the bushes.

I thought he wouldn't be back, did he?

No, not exactly.

But he did tell me to ask you to hang on for a bit, if you can.

There you are.

A couple of geezers in a motor.

Take a blimp as we go by.

Go on, then.

Listen, you got me into this. You go on, then.

God! What's that, Gov?

I could have sworn that... No.

No, I couldn't get that lucky.

Toad out! He's on us! He's on us!

What's up with you?

I was right caught in that car.

It's all on top. It's all on top.

Is it all right, Toad?

Well, they're not following, no, but... That's it, isn't it? That confirms it.

And we've just passed a van.

I'll take Odds's chocker with him.

Oh, no.

Attorney, it'll have a word with that Maury. I want my money back.

Harper!

Nice to see you so soon.

Come to pay me off, have you?

No. I am. Oh, yeah?

Yeah, you know. All right, all right, leave it at that. No, leave it at that.

Look, let's be sensible about it, OK? See what the man's got to say first,

Some problem, is there?

If he comes in, tell him to give me a bell and let me know what's happening.

Will do.

I hate to have to say this, but it's a sorry lorry, Morrie.

What is this?

Who are you trying to kid?

Are you seriously telling me you didn't know that load wasn't from a jump -up?

No, no, there's been some misunderstanding.

No mention was made of the fact that the lorry was stolen.

And it's put my man here, Terry, in considerable jeopardy. But, but, more

importantly, I want my readies returned.

Can you believe these clowns?

We'll see who the clowns are when I give the full SP to the old Bill.

No, you can't do that, Till. That's grassing. You'll be bang out of order.

Oh, me doing porridge for nothing isn't, I suppose.

Look, tell the filth whatever you want.

Who are they going to believe?

You two losers with form, or me?

A respectable businessman who's never had a conviction in his life.

There's no reason why I should be transported like a parcel.

The man of my years needs proper back support.

Shut it, Arthur, or we'll drop you off now while we're still moving.

I've got it.

I've just thought of a way to get you out of this hotel.

Yeah, go on.

Torch it.

Do what?

Burn it, set light to the thing. Then there's no chance for forensic.

It's not a bad idea, Terry, not a bad idea at all. What are you talking about?

Of course, if we could find a way to get the gear out first.

Don't be daft, Arthur.

Listen, who do you think is going to be lunatic enough to go near that thing now

that the old Bill are eyeballing it all the time, eh?

How'd it go, then?

If I said badly, Dave, that would be wildly optimistic.

That's a girl.

Yeah, that geezer, was he?

Excuse me, Dave.

Sidney, how good to see a real friend and one of your own. Let me buy you a

drink. What'll you have?

Oh, darling.

Hello, mate.

Hello. What are you doing round here?

Looking for you.

Oh, yeah?

Why? See how my favourite one parent's getting on?

Oh, you know, quiet desperation.

But coping?

Well, look, I can help you out there. You interested in earning a few quid for

yourself and young Peter?

Tomorrow? Do we have to wait that long?

Hello?

Hello?

Is that you, Don?

Yes, Cap.

What's that strange noise?

Sounds like a pig.

It is.

But you didn't hear that from me.

What?

Never mind.

I, uh, just making sure you're still awake.

Terry, it's a doddle. We park up in the street round the back of the site

because I haven't got that covered.

How do you know?

Well, I checked you out, didn't I?

Look, with all due respect, Justin, I don't care what you've got worked out. I

don't want anything to do with it.

Terry, I do not understand your ingratitude.

We are putting ourselves right on offer to save your skin.

Save mine.

Listen, it was you two who got me into this in the first place.

And anyway, it's poor old Sid who's being put on offer, isn't it?

How did you talk him into this?

Didn't have to.

Volunteered the moment he heard about your plight. Arthur, the man's brain is

pickled. He doesn't know what he's letting himself in for.

Where is he, anyway?

Waiting in a van with several litres of lead free.

I am not going to let that Welsh leap beat me to the collar. You know that,

don't you, Mellish?

I think I understand, Garth.

Well, I don't know about this.

Don't worry, Terry. It's a million.

No, I think Terry's right. I think we should go back to the flat and rethink

strategy. There you go, Father.

This is my big chance, isn't it?

You promised me. See?

Or you.

Make sure you give that cab a good dousing.

Yeah.

Look, Sid, we appreciate you trying to help and all that, but this could turn

out really dodgy. Do you know what I'm saying?

So would you reckon that?

No problem, Till.

I can get on top of the cabin.

Back up. It's a long a bit.

You'll have to back up.

You'll have to back up.

You'll have to back up.

Back up a bit.

You sure about this?

Baby, let me tell.

Oi, you!

Get back!

Back!

Aye, aye.

This could be something.

Come on, Toad.

Stop!

Stop! This is a place!

Of course I'm all right, you cretin.

Do you like a cigarette, sir? No, no, no, he's trying to give up.

Hang on.

Strong smell of petrol around here.

I do not understand it, Dave. It says here the police blame arsonists.

The self -inflicted said he never got a chance to light a match.

Does it matter, Arthur?

The thing is, Terry is well off the hook. It's a right result.

Right result?

I'd done five grand in cold.

I don't know.

That's not so cold.

Not in the least humorous, Dave. You're looking at a man facing financial ruin.

Yeah, that reminds me.

Justin just rang in, said to be round at Terry's about one o 'clock.

Said something about compensation.

Compensation?

The bloody hell have you done? Good, innit?

What's your heart, huh? What do you reckon? It's done the trick, innit?

What happened?

Who has done this terrible thing to me?

Me, of course.

You.

With a little help from the truck, yeah. I want him maimed, Terry.

I want him dismembered right now.

Leave it out, Arthur. This is a coup, innit? Genuine accident.

Kid runs out into the road like to swerve violently to avoid killing him.

Nothing else out to do.

And we've got a genuine witness, right, love? Yeah, could have killed him,

couldn't he? It's a miracle he managed to avoid him.

Oh, well, there you go. I mean, what insurance company's going to argue with

that, eh?

Well, the policy won't cover all this.

No, but the one I took out on the truck for the day will.

And it didn't hardly cost me anything.

Well, that's about right, isn't it?

What? Classic daily enterprise's economics.

How to lose five grand but gain two in one 24 -hour business blitz.

He might be in the gutter, but he's looking at the drains.

Shouldn't that be the start?

If you want to, I'll change the situation.

Right people, right time, just the wrong location.

I've got a good idea.

If you keep me near, I'll be so good for you. I could be so good for you.