All language subtitles for Minder s04e11 A Well Fashioned Fit-up

Love you like you want me to.

Be so good for

you.

Love you like you want me to.

All right, Arthur?

Not so bad, Billy. How's yourself?

Stockroom looks a bit barren, my son.

Yeah, business is a bit thin at the
moment.

Say no more.

Billy and Nigel, loose -tailed, bald
enterprises at your service.

Only this lot's fallen off the bat with
some rather high -class garment vans.

No, not today, lads, not today. You
don't believe me?

Look, please.

Dior, Artnell, Jager, Ardianis,
Burberry.

Ah.

The names have been removed to protect
the innocent. You can take them from me.

They're all there. That's as may be, but
who's going to protect me if these

goods are not what you say they are?
Arthur.

Would I unload garbage on you?

These dresses have got... tone.

Yeah, you know that, and I can see that.

But it's not everyone who's got my eye
for the finer things.

He's a sad fact, Billy. The average
pumper wouldn't know a bit of class if

came up and smacked him in the eye.

Growny. I mean, these may be the real
McCoy, but people are so suspicious.

But would anyone doubt your word,
Arthur?

Well, that's my point. How do I spread
the word? Given the origin of these

garments, I can't exactly advertise, can
I?

Get it like this.

Advertise is itself.

Remember those class Italian jeans we
put your way? What were they called

Nigel? Ferrucci.

Were they sellers or what?

Yeah, I did manage to keep my head above
water in that little transaction.

Leave off, Arthur. With that sort of
brand name, you could have sold them ten

times over, even if they'd all had one
leg missing.

All right, all right. So they were
popular?

Popular, the man's a joker. You were
embarrassed by the money you made on

deal. Listen, Billy, where money's
concerned, it takes a lot to embarrass

That's what I'm saying.

And these are even more upmarket.

At a price we're asking, all you need is
a contact at the quality end of the

fashion trade to point you in the right
direction, and you'll end up with a

profit that'll have you blushing for a
week.

Hello, Kev.

How you going, mate?

You still in the pub, game?

Yeah. That's why I'm phoning you.

Listen, how are you fixed for work?

Well, I'm not exactly rushed off my
feet.

Good.

Then I've got a proposition that might
interest you.

Go easy with that shamrock. You nearly
have my head off with it.

Look, I've been put in charge of a new
boozer and we're opening Saturday night.

Mind them harps!

They're only polystyrene.

Listen, I can't talk now. Can you come
over and see me?

I'm on the Kilburn High Road.

The Blarney Stone.

Boris, Bob, is it?

How did you get?

The only thing is, Kilburn's a bit of a
slip for me.

My mouth is out of commission.

Look, get a minicab. I'll bum you for
it.

Oh, no.

Not plastic leprechaun.

There's got to be a limit.

Listen, I'll have to go now.

Speak to you later.

Bye.

Well, that'll coat you, Terry.

I want you to drive me somewhere.

Well, you lost the use of your arms and
legs, have you? No, no, no. I've got a

bit of merchandise and need something,
too.

I see. So you thought you'd iron it up
the old pack, I would say.

What? Listen, I could go potty in there
waiting for any sign of life from you.

Listen, I've been having a thin time,
too, you know.

Oh. So now you thought you'd come round,
click the old fingers and up I jump.

Well, forget it. I've got an
appointment.

Where?

Kilburn, if you must know.

Well, that's all right. We do our
business up west and then we go on to

Nah. Come on, Terry. There's only a few
frocks.

I tell you what, I'll drive you.

You drop me off later? Yeah, yeah, of
course.

You know, Terry, sometimes I despair of
this once great nation of ours. Here we

go, Arthur's lament.

But, I mean, look at that. Look at it. I
mean, this country's supposed to be on

its knees.

It's nice to know the wheels of commerce
still grind nobly on. Yeah, backbone of

the nation, isn't it?

But, I mean, it's because of industries
like this that we can hold our heads up.

Yeah, but it's hardly the answer to mass
unemployment and raging inflation, is

it? Follow me.

What the fuck?

Oi!

Terry, this lift's a bit pokey. It won't
take two of us all in boxes. I'll see

you up there.

Second floor, Ronald Shivers, Fashion
Associates. Just don't...

Oh,

I'm sorry.

Don't worry about it.

I'll get back on top, eh? Oh, it's all
right. I'll take you. Where are you

going? Second floor, Shivers.

Shivers? It's the saliva.

Good morning, my dear. Is the Shivers
in?

He's expecting you.

Daily, after daily. I rang earlier.

Do you have an appointment?

No, no, no. We're old friends. Don't
bother to show me through. I'll give

nice surprise.

Sorry, you can't go.

It's all right, Pippa, dear.

I'll announce them.

Oh.

Oh, yeah.

This is more or less not a clientele I
had in mind.

I shouldn't be surprised a bit of
nobility amongst this lot.

I didn't recognise anyone.

No, no, I mean your minor nobility.
Count so -and -so and Baron such -and

Lord Elvis.

Yeah.

The Japanese adore that type of dress.
You'll notice the tissue.

Slap this, Ronnie, you naughty boy.
You've been fluttering on the GGs again,

haven't you?

Sorry, darling?

Are you bookmakers here to collect his
ill -gotten gains?

Bookmaker?

Do excuse me, Mrs Penrose. I'll be right
back. Take that.

Ronnie. What are you trying to do, ruin
me?

I mean, I'm trying to entertain clients,
and I have to contend with you turning

my showroom into a warehouse. Now,
what's it all about, Arthur? Just give

five minutes, Ronnie. You'll be glad I
dropped by.

Cop this.

Five minutes?

Zoe, take over for five minutes.

I wanted to ask him how he thought I'd
look in this.

You've done very well for yourself,
Ronnie. In fact, I'm thinking of

the fashion side of my business. You
know, move with the people who matter.

Oh, do me a favour, Arthur.

I'm a top fashion agent. I represent the
work of some of the best designers in

the country.

Ideally top class, ready to wear.

Not your cheap and nasty high street
tat.

Do you call Dior and Norma Hartnell high
street tat? Is that what they're

supposed to be?

What do you mean, supposed?

I wouldn't have thought a man in your
position needed labels to recognise

quality. Quite right, and I tell you,
what you've got there has never been

paraded down a top -class catwalk.

How can you tell? The three Fs.

Eh?

Fibre, fabric and finish. Come on, I'll
show you.

Now, these are all the genuine article.

Natural wool, natural silk and crape de
chine.

But what you've got there, I mean,
it's...

It's all synthetic mixtures.

I mean, look at it. I mean, look.

You've even got a bit of nylon lace on
that one.

And look at the buttonholes, the lining,
the stitching.

It's all machined.

Well, of course it's all machined. How
else would it be done?

By hand.

I mean, it's all hand -sewn on my
garments. Look at that. Lovely.

All hand -sewn.

Look, Ronnie, I have it from a reliable
source that all this stuff is kosher.

Kosher?

Well, they're not bad imitations,
Arthur.

But kosher?

It goes on all the time.

And it's people like my designers who
are usually on the receiving end of

rackets like this.

Especially at this time of year.

A couple of weeks before the start of a
new season and you're in danger of a

little moonlight visit.

Yeah, but the clothes you hand are ever
so unique. I mean, they'd be easily

traceable. Yeah, but it's not the
clothes they're after.

It's the ideas.

Once they get their hands on a
collection, well, it's flown off to

like Hong Kong.

The design has changed, well, ever so
slightly.

sort of pocket here, flat change there.

Then the new range is made up on the
cheap in some sweatshop and then flown

here and marketed as an original
collection.

It seems to me that what you need is
someone to mine all this gear

a bit informally.

You've got someone in mind?

Yeah, my business associate outside,
Terence McCann.

Are you telling me you think he'd make a
reliable night watchman? Absolutely.

With Terry on apprentices, midnight
creeping will become obsolete.

Well, it sounds interesting. Go on,
Arthur.

Ronnie, get out here. I can't take any
more of this pain.

Terry, have you been annoying this young
lady?

It's not him.

Tallulah Banker's outside. Two more
minutes and we're off. Don't worry, she

wait for a while. Now, come in and meet
Arthur Daly.

Arthur, this is Zoe.

Hello, my dear. Model, are you? No,
dressmaker.

Oh. She is, in fact, a very talented
designer.

This is her first season for us. I do,
of course, handle more established

If you can find them under the cobwebs.

Yes, what our star turn is trying to
say, Arthur, is that all the other

collections are safe, predictable.

There's not one idea amongst the old
bunch that anyone wants to steal.

Lovely Zoe.

Well, she's that rare thing.

Original.

Public recognition at last.

Yeah, that's why I want McCann to forget
about everything else in my showroom

and pay special attention... To Zoe's
dresses.

Who what?

What's he talking about?

Yeah, do you want to explain something
to me, Arthur? No, no, no, Terry, Terry.

Ronnie's been explaining for the last
five minutes. Yeah, and I was outside,

remember? All right, look. It seems
someone would like to get their hands on

Zoe's collection and take it for a walk.
So you're going to be minding it for a

couple of weeks. Oh, so that's what
you're here for, eh? Ronnie's high of

muscle. Don't you worry your head about
that, my dear.

Yeah, well, I know all about hard men
and the kind of people they run errands

for.

Right, well, the only thing to talk
about now is the fee.

Wait outside, Terry. No, you'd better
start talking. No, not now, Terry.

I can't do it.

I'll be out there in a minute.

Mr Daly, I think he's flipped his lead.

Terry?

Terry! Go away, I don't want to talk to
you.

What have I done now?

That's just it, isn't it? You don't
know, do you? Well, tell me.

Oh, I think what I say counts now all of
a sudden, does it?

Get in, Terry.

We'll discuss it on the way to Kilburn.

No, thank you. I'll get there under my
own steam.

Wait!

You see that? He nearly had my wing.

Get out of the bus lane, then.

Bus lanes.

There's not enough congestion on the
road already.

Come on, Terry.

Give it a miss. It's too much like
aggravation.

There will be some aggravation if I get
in that motor with you.

I'm in a bus.

It'll do me.

Move along inside. What's that? Oi!

Don't worry, Terry. There'll be another
one along in half an hour.

So what did you say you got to see this
bloke about?

I didn't. But as you've been fishing for
the last three miles, you might as well

know I've got a little work lined up.
Eh?

What do you mean, work?

You can't go freelance.

Why not?

Well, because there are certain rules
and protocol that have to be observed.

Oh, yeah, like the one that says you can
get your sticky little fingers into

anything I earn?

Well, forget it. From now on, I'm on my
own.

Terry, let us not be headstrong about
this now.

So, look, is it green enough for you?

How are you, mate?

Not so bad.

Yourself? Yes, much of that, sure.

How much do I owe you, pal?

What for?

He thinks you're a cab driver. It's the
last of daily, mate of mine.

A business associate.

Kevin O 'Hara.

That's handy.

Saved me a taxi fare.

Uh -uh. There may be other Xs to be
considered, though. Do what?

Well, depending on the fee for the job.

Fifty pounds for four hours' work, see
if you... Fifty sobs?

What sort of function is it? A Cray
Brothers reunion?

No.

Saturday's opening night, and you'd be
getting that kind of dough because you

would be the lone agent of law and
order. Oh, dear, oh, Lord, Kevin. Look,

thanks for your confidence, mate, but I
used to drink here, remember?

Well, it was the volunteer.

Yeah, and there was no shortage of those
when it all went off, was there? Forget

the spitting sort of thing.

Oh, this is going to be a big choice.

Nobody gets in without a collar and tie.

Oh, that'll look lovely with all the
wimpy and Macalpine donkey jackets,

it? For somebody with a name like
McCann, you've got a funny ideal

Tal. Terry, why don't you get some
drinks in?

Oh, sorry, I'm forgetting my manners.

What do you want? That's very kind of
you. Vodka and slimline.

Dry martini for me, Tal?

I'll get them in, shall I?

Yeah.

Whatever you have in yourself.

Cheers.

I was banking on Terry.

Well, things are likely to get a bit
naughtier than you let on, aren't they?

Great, so that's why I wanted the best.

Well, if you will negotiate with the
labour force direct, what else can

Oh, no ice.

Cheers.

You think you could get them to come
across?

Well, there'd be a consultancy fee.

Score.

Pony. Done.

Shows how much I need you, doesn't it?

Well, I suppose there's no way you're
going to help me out with a shiver's

No. I'm not going to sit up all night in
the dark.

Looking after a load of frogs.

All night in the dark?

I didn't know you were better. I'd say
your bottle had gone.

Tell you what, you do my job now and
again. See how you like the flavour.

Don't take no brains to have a fight.

When I was a younger man, I used to take
all that nonsense in my stride.

Your bottle goes at the thought of it
now. You've only been with me since I've

been up market. I used to be a bit
useful.

You've got the fighting heart of a
blamond. Yeah, go on, sneer.

Anyway, I couldn't do it even if I
wanted to. Why not?

The blarnies don't remember.

I've just agreed to work there Saturday
night, haven't I? So?

So I can't be in two places at once.

A pub job's a ten a penny.

Yeah, well, I ain't proud.

No, no.

You're too sniffy to take a soft number
with a quality, though, aren't you?

The way we've been scratching around
these last few weeks, I'm very tempted

do it myself.

All right, all right.

What? You stand in for me Saturday night
while I'm at the boozer, and I'll do

the rest of the fortnight. No, no, no.
Hold on, Terry, hold on. No, I'll be a

doddle for you, son.

Especially at your age.

Do you look at this. Oh, you're making
heavy weather of that, Terry.

I'll be better off on the floor.

No, no, no, no.

Perseverance, my son. It'll be well
worthwhile.

That is a top quality cab bed.

To what?

Tell you what, the winos on the
embankment will get a better night's

me. Yeah, that's great. I deal for you.
After I brought it along myself at no

small inconvenience.

I'm sorry.

That's all right.

And look, don't worry about paying me
now. I'll dock it off your wages.

You're all art, you are.

Yeah, I know.

Yeah, like your fingers.

This is not very convenient, Arthur.

I trust they won't be there for long.

Of course not.

Dave, I can't leave them in the motor.
They're like gold bullion. I know.

Well, I hope that the rightful owner
don't turn up and claim them. I am the

rightful owner.

Oh, yeah? Of course I am.

I've got invoices, receipts, everything
from customs and excise.

Foreign, are they? Yeah, some of them,
yeah.

Hey, when's your good lady's birthday?

Oh, I don't know.

Cut her most time. This could be your
lucky day.

I hope not.

Dave, pass over that top box, will you?

I'll show you something.

She's 12, isn't she, your good lady?

I think she's going to be 39 again.

No, no, she's a 12, Dave. Trust me.
Excuse me.

No problem at all.

Now, you have a look at this. Hang on to
that point, will you?

Look at that.

Isn't that beautiful?

Is it?

Of course it is.

Christine Dior.

Christian.

Well, I don't know. I suppose she could
be.

Seems a nice lady.

She's a fella, Arthur.

Who told you that?

It's a well -known fact.

You don't know where you are these days,
do you?

Anyway, the point is that this comes
from his or her shop in Paris.

And I tell you this, Ernie Dawes will be
living if I don't give her a first

refusal. Well, I think Ernie Dawes would
have a first refusal. Wrong size, Dave.

Now, look, have a look at it.

This is what we call a creation.

Oh, yeah.

Looks just like a dress to me. I know,
Dave. That's because you are not

with the three Fs.

I beg your pardon.

Fibre, finish and, um, what do you call
it?

Um, material.

Well, that ain't an F, Arthur. Yeah,
fabric, fabric. That's what we call it

the Demi Monde.

Oh, I thought it was called haute
couture.

Well, yes, yes, that is a similar
phrase, Dave.

I seem to be talking to someone who's a
bit of an expert.

Yeah, well, I do like the thumbs through
the pages of gold from time to time.

Well, in that case, have a butcher's at
them buttonholes.

Buttonholes. And stitched.

Stitched up all over.

How would I do that to you, Dave?

Oh, hello, Ted. Hang on a second. You
don't mind, do you?

He's about the same shape and size as
your missus, isn't he? He's thinner.

Now, just hold her up there. Give me my
mother.

There you go. What are people going to
think? Not these days, Ted.

Look at that. Yeah, go on, give us a
twirl, like the models do on the

Go on, there you go.

Get a picture, Dave.

See? Simple cocktail dress.

Formal, but casual for them little
functions at the Ilton or at home with

friends. It is nice, Arthur. I'll give
it. It's very nice. I thought you'd like

it. 80 cents, do you?

18 pound.

Oh, you are a wicked character, Dave.
Eight tenors. That is an original. So

you, Arthur.

Seventy to you.

One more word from you, Arthur, and I'll
get you to shut your slate.

Bit strong, Arthur.

You are.

I am.

Tell you what, Ted.

Do not suit you.

Yeah?

Don't fancy it, do you?

Hiya. Hello.

Here. This place stinks of vindaloo.

Yeah, that old takeaway does linger a
bit, doesn't it?

It's not a bollock. It's got right into
the garments.

Well, what am I supposed to do? Starve?

You didn't go out and collect it, did
you?

No, I found the old Bombay grab.

I delivered it.

The Bombay grab?

Yeah. Well, tonight, McCann, no foreign
food.

All right.

All right.

Fine.

I'll have fish and chips.

Lashings of salt and vinegar.

That old cigar doesn't have pen and ink,
does it?

Hello?

Oh, sorry, love.

My fault, I'm not looking my way. Sorry.
Terry!

Every time we meet, something falls on
the floor. We ought to play pass the

parcel. I'd only drop it again. I'm
still half asleep.

Half asleep? I've done a full day's work
at your governor's place up west.

Meaning us creative types lie in bed
half the morning.

Tell you what, you don't half look
different.

Oh, my clothes.

Well, you get suited up when you go to a
function, right? And when you're

working, you dress down.

And me, it's the other way around.

I'll get changed later in the day, but
why should I be permanently on parade?

Yeah, but you're a fashion designer,
aren't you?

You're supposed to be an odd man.

Do you walk around in odd -nailed boots
all day?

Odd -nailed boots?

I thought you were supposed to know
about odd men.

I've got brothers.

I've been out with fellas like you. All
macho and muscle on top, marshmallows

underneath. Not me.

Art of iron, nerves of steel.

Done any boxing?

Me? Yeah. Yeah, lots.

Any good?

Well, I'm not too shabby. I was just on
my way to the gym now, as it happens.

Well, that's a shame. I was about to
tempt you with an offer you couldn't

refuse. A cup of instant coffee.

Well, do you live around here, then?

Number 13.

Eh?

I tell you what, I might pop in on the
way home.

They'll take you up on your offer.

Yeah.

Are the aimers on my rails, Arthur?

That's all I'm short of.

Look, Jerry, look at that.

I mean, look, go on, have a look. Show
me a single fault in the workmanship.

It's not that, Arthur.

If I put those alongside my regular
stock, I'll have the law round here in

time flat.

Well, sell your own labels in.

No.

It's too upmarket for me.

This ain't Harrods, you know.

Now, tell me, where did you learn to be
a designer, eh?

Oh, school.

Oh, school, really?

Well, do you enjoy it, do you?

Yeah.

Yeah, it's what I'm good at, isn't it?

And it gives one the chance to mix with
a better class of person.

You didn't seem too impressed with him
yesterday.

Oh, come on, that lot.

That lot made me want to start
scratching.

What about Shivers? I mean, you're not
too fond of him either, are you?

No, not a lot.

So why did I get involved with him?

Well, the thought had flitted across my
mind, yeah.

How can I explain it to you?

When you were in boxing, how much did
you make on a good night?

A good night? I don't know.

About 200 quid, I suppose.

And the promoters?

Yeah, I know what you mean. A lot more
than that.

And how many of them blokes are still
making a living fighting, eh?

What, now? None of them, I wouldn't
think.

No, but the promoters are still going
strong, aren't they?

It's a fairly safe bet, yeah.

What is all this about promoters?

If Shivers was in boxing, what do you
think he would be?

Well, there wouldn't have been a lot of
chance of him taking a right hand, I

suppose. Not in the ring, anyway.

No. But you did, didn't you, eh? For
what?

£200 on a good night?

I fought the British champion once.

And you were a contender, eh?

Yeah. Along with how many others?

I'm not having a go at you, Terry, but
it's the same all over the bloody place.

The town's calling with contenders.

And Shivers gives me exactly the same
line.

Work like a dog for Mickey Mouse money.

And then you get a shot at the title.
Only somehow it never happens.

Before you know it, you're replaced by
another bleeding contender.

Yeah, but if the promoters don't back
you, you've got no chance, have you?

Right, they've got it well signed up,
haven't they?

I've got Shiver's stuff, though.

I'm going to stay there till I get my
name known.

Then he gets the big E.

Yeah, well, in the meantime, a girl's
got to eat, hasn't she?

Tell you what, I'll take you out for a
nice Chinese, shall I?

Proper one. Sit down, Jo.

Well...

It's got to be better than cheese,
hasn't it?

Laurie, I am offering you exclusivity at
knock -down prices.

I tell you, my son, stick these on their
hangers, and before the creases can

drop out, you'll be asking me for more.
Oh, but just hold up a minute.

Take a look at my customers.

Degenerates. I'm catering for
degenerates.

It's not my taste buds for living.

So bring a little refinement into their
lives.

No, I don't think so, Nappy. Don't mind.

I'm getting enough sideways glass as it
is.

If you hang on much longer with that
stuff, my reputation's finished.

Laurie. Norma Artnell.

She used to dress royalty.

Why don't you say so?

See, Andy, next time Princess Margaret
drives him, it's only off the peg.

I knew it was useless offering you
anything of quality.

Oi! Arthur!

Arthur!

Hear a minute.

You plopping a deck, man, or what?

No, I'm just speechless at the nerve of
you two.

Tooting me up like that after slipping
me this moody gear.

Moody gear?

My own fault for not looking closer.

That's what you get for taking people on
trust.

You mean those dresses are Sexton
Blake's? Are they fakes?

Machine finishing, synthetic fabrics. On
my life, Arthur, we didn't know.

Nah, you don't want them back either, do
you?

Well, I'll tell you what I'm prepared to
do.

We'll take them off your hands if you'll
accommodate us in a little proposition

we want to put to you.

Thank God I found you.

I need to score.

Oh, not now, Terry, no. I've got
problems.

Billy and Nigel want to store some stuff
at the lock -up for a few hours

Saturday night.

They're an example to us all, those two,
aren't they?

I mean, the way they work those
unsociable hours.

There's nothing shady about it.

Well, Billy and Nigel, the way they flit
about, I bet they've forgotten what

daylight is.

Anyway, if it's all above board, what's
the problem?

Saturday night.

So? Well, that's the night I have to
stand in for you at the showroom.

Give them the keys. They're big boys.
They can unlock it themselves, can't

Oh, come on, Terry.

There's a lot of valuable gear in my
lock -up.

I mean, I know they're business
associates of mine, but there's no

temptation in their way.

Well, you're such a trusting soul,
aren't you?

Look, give us a tenner if you're pushed.
Look, you might at least try and help

me. I don't see what I can do.

Oh, sub out that pump job to someone
else.

I can't do that. Kevin wants me.

Well, I can't let Billy and Nigel down.

And I can't let Kevin down.

What are you on the tap for, anyway?

I thought we'd take little Zoe out to
the old Peking Palace.

Oh, no.

You're better off away from that sort,
Terry.

Very funny people, them frock designers.

Especially the ones from Bethnal Green.

Well, you should know after your
performance at Shyster's showroom.

Shivers.

Look, just give us a sub, will you?

I'll see what I can do.

Will you?

I won't forget this, Terry.

And the other one.

What time are you meeting Nigel and
Billy?

Midnight -ish.

Well, that should be all right, then.

Go on, get away from the booze and I'll
set you on your way. What, you mean I've

still got a guard at that showroom? It's
the best I can do, mate.

See you later. Have a nice meal.

Hello, Ronnie.

Arthur.

Where's McCann?

He's coming on later. I'm standing in
for him till midnight.

You?

Don't you start. I've had enough of that
from Terry.

I mean, I have done a bit in my time,
you know.

I'm well aware of that, Arthur.

And even though the old mean streak
might be hampered by all that bulk, I

you've got a few tricks up your sleeve,
eh?

No, no, it's just I want you to be
sensible. See, if anyone comes creeping

here at night while you're in charge, no
heroics, right?

I mean, some of those psychopaths with
sawn -off shotguns don't stop to ask

questions. And I tell you, much as I
value that collection, well, if anything

should... If anything should happen to
you, Arthur, I'd never forgive myself.

So, look, you hold the fort till Jerry
comes. What time? 12 o 'clock? Yeah.

Right. Now, remember, low profile,
right?

Ciao.

Give us half a lager.

Come on, cheer up. The band's not that
bad, is it?

Those brewers make me smile.

They've got about as much idea about
Irishmen as you have.

Not content with outing the disco and
stacking the jukebox full of Jim Reeds

records.

I'll have to bring this lot in for
opening.

Who are they?

The Shamrocks.

Leave off. You're getting me out of
here, aren't you?

I wish I was.

Well, that's not my scene, but...

Most of the punters in here are Irish
anyway, aren't they? That's right.

And they're not amused.

I can see how they might think that
someone's having a go at them. You said

And having a bunch of iron sweaters
churning out diddly -diddly -diddly -dee

evening is going to put the tin lid on
it.

Very McCann.

God, dear Allah, are you still drinking
here?

Only just.

Not impressed?

I haven't at all.

Gotta be.

It can't get much worse, can it?

Can't it? You haven't seen her just
walked in.

How did they get that lot from Rent -A
-Mick?

It's not true.

Are you sure the brewery hasn't designed
this lot as well?

I don't know, mate.

I take it from the gear that you're on
the firm.

No, I'm just here to keep a bit of
order, that's all. Oh, good luck to you.

Oh, gee.

Have you seen the size of him?

It's not real.

Tell me it's not real. If one of them
says top of the morning, I'll be gone.

off.

We were in company here.

Keep calm, keep calm. The man just wants
a bit of service, alright?

That's right.

I want a waiter.

Call one.

Here, have a seat.

Cracking that joke must have taken a
toll on your brain.

No, you stay where you are and give your
own brain a rest.

What's that?

I want a pint.

Fill it up.

You can put the flowers back in the
vase.

Give it us in a straight glass.

All these pimples and handlers you can't
get your fingers through.

I didn't have a hand like a bunch of
bananas.

Yeah. That's how these lads will get
dimples, Paddy, from blokes like you

squeezing them too hard.

Make sure that's straight. Is that all
right? All right?

Oh, give me a time. You'll find
something to deli -ache about. It's a

cloudy.

What do you want for 85 cents?

A thunderstorm?

Can you help me?

Roll up!

One,

two, three.

Roll up!

Hey!

Hey!

You're breaking me heart!

She's throwing all the furniture!

Harry, I'm paying you to stop all this!

Oh, the only, only, only chance to save
us.

Are you sorry?

I can't believe that. Where are we
afraid?

Look, look, Paddy, look, look.

Oh, no! Oh, Jake!

Get them on their feet, that one.

Terry? Arthur, listen.

There's been a right bull and cow down
here. I'm standing in what's left of a

pub. Terry, you must get over here.
You've never seen anything like it,

Well, never mind all that, Terry. I want
you over here right away.

No, that's just it, mate. I can't.
Terry, Terry, you've got to... No, but

old bill are here. They're taking a few
statements. I've got to hang around.

But I'm being invaded.

The doorbell won't stop ringing.

Well, why don't you answer it?

What, and have me head pulled off my
shoulders by some gorilla in a balaclava

helmet?

Arthur, how many villains do you know
coming through the front door?

Well, perhaps they're casing the place
to see if there's anyone in residence.

All right, maybe. Yeah, I'll look over
at them if possible, all right?

Midnight, Terry. I can't keep Billy and
Nigel waiting.

Arthur, don't you dare leave that
collection.

I've already got an open warehouse for
them.

Arthur! All right?

All right?

All right, then. I'll see you.

You're okay. We'll see you later, Mike.

What are you doing?

What are you doing here?

Zoe phoned me.

Did you open this?

Look, I've only just arrived.

Shall we go up, eh?

See if you wouldn't.

It's funny, though.

No sign of damage anywhere.

Oh, dear.

Just your stuff, eh?

Nothing else as much as ruffled.

Straight in and out.

Not a mark to be seen.

Not that they would have come up against
much opposition.

You trying to say something? I am saying
it. I was leaning on that doorbell for

ages earlier on, Terry, for all the good
it did me.

And why would you come popping in here
at this time of night, eh? To check up

you. Oh, really? Yeah, really.

Where were you, Terry?

I was out on another job.

Arthur was standing in for me.

Well, an able deputy he turned out to
be, didn't he?

And what's that supposed to mean?

I'll tell you what it bloody means.

Look around here.

There's no sign of a struggle.

I even left sign of Arthur.

Have you called the old Bill?

A waste of time.

Break into ten a penny just before
collections are due to be shown.

Stuff gets nicked wholesale.

Yeah, I didn't think you'd be too
anxious to get in touch with him.

Yeah, and if I did, I wouldn't waste any
time pointing them in your direction.

Oh, yeah?

Arthur comes here with bent dresses and
gets me to take you on to look after my

stock. I must need my bump feeling.

Listen, you schmuck.

You'll have a few more bumps to steal if
you don't button it. Just a minute.

Don't you threaten me, McCain.

Oh, no.

No, I can have you seen to. By men who
would take you apart without raising a

sweat. And I will, too. You and Arthur.

So just brush up your act and stop
insulting my intelligence.

Now, look, hang on.

I'll see you tomorrow in the office.

And if I don't like what you've got to
tell me, well, you and Arthur will be

getting a little visit.

Come on, you. We'd better go and see
what Arthur has to say.

Arthur! Arthur!

I knew it. I bloody knew it. Now, be
fair, I had to open up for Billy and

My word is my bond. Ronnie would
understand that.

You just couldn't say no to a double
earner, could you? Now, look, Terry. But

while you were scuttling over here to
make your shady rendezvous, someone

tiptoed in behind you and made off with
Zoe's collection.

No. Yes.

And gentleman Ronnie Shivers lost no
time in putting you and me up in the

as number one suspects.

What? You call me irresponsible, do you?
Of course.

If you don't give a monkey's in it, take
the money and run. That was always your

game, wasn't it? Well, you've come badly
unstuck this time, sunshine.

Boy, McCann, never mind the sermon.
Explain this lot.

What? What?

My collection.

What have you done? Get off. What's this
tale?

Citizen's arrest.

I don't believe this.

Convince me. What are you talking about?

This is the gear that Arthur should have
been looking after while he was waiting

for you.

Arthur? Looking after these dresses?

What's the joke? Oh, it's nothing.

It's only the geezer we lifted this lot
for told us we'd have no trouble. Said

there'd only be some spineless old
dollop looking after it and he'd

faint as soon as he saw us.

So who else knew you were minding the
shop?

Spineless old dollop? Was he talking
about me?

This was supposed to be a private
arrangement between us two, wasn't it?

that sound like me to you?

Well, somebody knew you were there,
right?

Who? Well, only Ronnie.

But he wouldn't talk about me like that.
He holds me in very high regard.

Ronnie? Yeah.

He was there when I went on duty.

Oh, that's it, then, isn't it?

Listen, the bloke who hired you, was he
called Chivers?

No, no, tell. Didn't ask for references.
No, I mean... Well, he's a middle -aged

geezer. Felt his hand writing.

Fig lardy and a carnation.

You got it.

But why would he want to lift his own
gear?

It's not his gear, it's my gear.

A stunt like this would make it his,
though. He'd earn a hundred times the

amount than if he was just my agent.

But why'd you ask to mind it?

Look at our form.

I mean, if that all goes missing, who
are they going to be likely to suspect,

eh? We must have become gift -wrapped by
this.

Look, what happens now?

Don't know.

We part company with it here and some
other fellas pick it up later on.

You don't know where it's going?

Is it going to Hong Kong?

Could be.

It's going out of country, I do know
that.

Oh, no, it ain't.

Listen, these other fellas, do they know
what they're picking up? Just dresses.

I think it's time to make a little swap.

All right, one more little call to make
and we'll all be well happy.

Arthur. Ron. Dear boy.

Lovely to see you.

You know, I was just thinking about you.

I thought you might be, Ronnie.

We go back a long way together, don't
we, Arthur?

Yeah, yeah, we do.

We were a fly crowd, weren't we, eh?
Yeah, we pulled a few strokes.

We certainly did.

But, you know, there was always the
cardinal rule.

Turn over anybody else, but never one of
your own.

Quite right, too. Quite right. You know,
I might rub shoulders with the elite.

But I always like to think of people
like that as being my own.

People who know what's what.

And that's what hurts.

What's that, Ron?

That you should take me for an 18 -carat
mug.

I'm glad you've turned up, Arthur.

And I hope, for your sake, you've got
something to show me.

Funny you should say that, Ron.

What's all this?

Desiring close by, sir.

Agent Arthur Daly. Yeah, we're going to
have it made up into a card, you know,

with a deck ledge.

Tasteful, isn't it?

What's all this about, then?

It's quite simple, Ronnie.

I'm not too pleased about the security
arrangements.

So I've agreed to represent her.

Oh, yeah?

And just what collection do you think
you'll be representing, Arthur?

Why would you ask that?

I mean, we're supposed to be the ones
who lifted it.

Have you got it, then? We did manage to
intercept it before it left the country,

yes. But we didn't manage to apprehend
the felons. No.

But we did make a crafty switch.

Switch? Yeah, we swapped Zoe's clothes
for, um, well, what do you call them

other things?

High street tat, yeah.

Yeah, it's good, isn't it?

Cheap Hong Kong imitations being shipped
out to Hong Kong to be imitated.

Yeah, well, they'll tumble that straight
away.

Not unless someone is sent phones to
stop the production. And whoever does

is going to lose a lot of credibility
with their business partners over there.

Yeah, people don't like being messed
around where money's concerned.

Could have the most terrible
repercussions.

Too right.

I reckon whoever's behind this little
deal is going to find themselves highly

unpopular. And one way or another, well
out of pocket.

Oh, I think we'd better blow.

Ronnie don't look at all well.

Spineless old dollop. At least I'm one
jump ahead of him. There you go,

souvenir. What about our little business
arrangement? Listen, I only went along

with that moonshine so you could gloat
at Shivers. You don't seriously think

going to give my job up here and come
with you, do you? You could do a lot

worse, my dear.

I'll bet it. Ronnie might be a crook,
but at least he knows about the rag

Yeah, not enough to stop me putting one
over on him, though.

Oi, that swap was my idea.

Oh, was it?

Yes. You're a genius, you are, Terry.

Well, I have me moments.

You used to expect at Shivers all the
time, didn't you? You bet.

And I thought you were going to keep any
other villains at bay.

I thought you were supposed to know all
about fellas like me.

Made a mistake, didn't I?

You certainly did.

Shame, really, innit? I've never met a
bird like you before.

Oh, and you rode manfully into the
sunset. That's it.

Don't start pining for what might have
been, Terry. You're a lovely geezer, but

I never fancied you.

It's all right.

Cheeky little girl. See you around,
kids. Keep bobbing and weaving, won't

Bye -bye.

Well,

here's gratitude for you.

I bought her a Tony's National.

Well, perhaps that'll teach you to be
less profligate with your money.

Ah, yeah, talking about money, um, uh,
Stevie Upton.

Ah, ah, yeah, no. What do you mean, ah,
ah, yeah, no? I've got to make a few

deductions. Do what? I mean, you did
leave the goods unattended to go to

job, didn't you? Have I? hearing things.
That was you, remember?

Caused considerable aggravation, and I
mean, to rectify matters, I had to let a

rail of Dior's and Hartnell's go.

Dior's and Hartnell's? You couldn't wait
to see the back of them? I never got a

penny for them, not a light. What about
the backhander that Nigel and Billy give

you, eh? For the use of the lock -up,
eh? Backhander? That was a favour,

That was a favour? Hey, you!

Now tell me the one about the three
bears. Go on. Oi!

Oh, fuck!

Oh, my God. No, no, no. Leave it out.
Walk away, son. Walk away.

I'm going to help you. I

do.

Be so good for you I'll do it like you
want me to Do it like you want me to

There ain't no