Original subtitles

Mum, the wedding was so much fun, and the bride, she looked beautiful.

She looked wonderful.

But the only problem was the food.

How can you serve grown -up adults that Mickey Mouse portion of rice?

Ha! No pound of jam at a Nigerian wedding. Christ!

Well, the spring rolls I had were delicious.

Spring rolls cup, spring rolls knee. Are we Chinese?

We should have just served proper food.

All right, Mum, calm down.

The only thing that impressed me from that whole wedding was the lace the

of the groom was wearing. Ah! It was the expensive one from Milan, the latest

style. It was lovely.

Lovely. Lovely.

What is lovely about getting a parking ticket?

£80 for being five minutes over. That is why I'm always telling you, Gladys,

hurry up, hurry up, sharp, sharp. So now you are blaming me? No, I'm not.

Actually, yes.

If you didn't spend so much time saying goodbye to Mama Tayo, Mama Timi, Mama

Remy, we would be on time.

If you did not spend all that time pretending you are a scholar in Nigerian

politics, maybe you would have left two hours earlier.

Gladys, I don't need your blame. I need your sympathy.

What are we going to do about this parking ticket?

Why don't you appeal?

You said you're only five minutes over, right?

Oh, Shadi, I don't have time for all that appeal nonsense.

But you've got time to pay an £80 ticket, yeah?

Listen, you're always telling us that we should stand up and fight for what we

believe in. If you don't think you should pay, then you should fight.

Shadi, my princess, you are right.

As that rapping group from the 80s says, public's enemies.

Dad, it's public enemies.

Yes, public enemies.

You see, you have to fight for the right.

So, Shadi, you are right. I must appeal.

continue to sin, you will burn in hell.

You will burn in hell fire.

Burn in hell fire.

Very good.

Look, Michael, can you order something fast and quit all this fire and

or I'm going to have to ask you to leave. You're scaring my customers away.

Tony, I am just doing the Lord's work.

Then please do so on your own.

Good lunch.

Yeah, cheers, mate.

Sausage. Mashed potato.

My brother, your belly is high, but your spirit man is low.

I just want to enjoy my food, mate. You just want to enjoy the food. Just enjoy

it. What about eternity?

What about your eternity?

Michael, what did I just say about disturbing my customers?

Tony, how many times do I have to tell you?

You do not call a man of the cloth by his first name.

Call me pastor, reverend, bishop, pope.

Can you save me that stuff for your church and not my cafe?

Well, if I had a church building, I would do it there.

Tony, I wanted to ask. I've been thinking of asking you to use this

Tony, you have not even waited for me to finish.

Not a chance, mate. You think you can use my cat for your church? Forget it,

pastor. But Tony, you know I'm still trying to start my church.

I just need a place to do my Sunday service and my prayer meeting.

And how much will you pay me for your Sunday service and prayer meeting?

Tony, payment.

Payment. Tony.

We are a charity.

What would Jesus do?

Well, you might be a charity, mate, but I certainly am not.

Tony, I beg of you now. I beg of you.

I've invited so many people to come to the service, but I don't know where to

host them.

Tony, just do it. Forget the money. Forget the payment. And I promise you,

if you do it, your business will prosper.

Yeah, that's what Funcase says to me all the time. And what happens? I end up

losing money. So let me think about this.

The answer is no, no, and no.

Finally, Abraham, Moses, and Noah.

Okay, Dad. Ready? I am ever ready.

Now, let us go to the parking authority website.

W... W...

W. Dot. Yes, Dad.

You've got the dot.

Okay. Packing.

P for pandediam.

A for amala.

R for... Dad, just give it to me.

Press enter now. Okay, Dad.

Chill. I've already selected it.

Now we have to state why we want to appeal.

Because we don't want to pay.

No, Dad, I need a proper reason.

Look, here's a few options.

Did you use a meter?

Nobody else at that party was using a parking meter. So why should I?

All day, no ticket. And then five minutes before I'm about to leave, at 6

they give me a parking ticket?

Utter nonsense.

Dad, what time did you say you got the ticket?

At 6 .45, Shadi, open your ear.

No, Dad, it says after 6 .30 you're allowed to park for free.

Huh?

So that means that the ticket's invalid.

Shadi, we can sue them.

Sue them for mental and bodily stresses.

Tony, I'm from Kate's Cafe.

Ah, Pastor Michael.

Yes.

No, no, no, no. Tony has said you cannot have the service in the cafe.

No. No, as the assistant manager cook, I am here to enforce the laws of the

cafe. And I say you cannot have the service here.

Look, I know it's a special women's conference.

Lord,

bring my husband to me now.

Pastor, tell me more about it.

Eh? They got married.

Really?

And she now has twins.

No, triplets.

You mean twins and triplets.

Wow. Oh, that will be my portion.

That will be my portion.

I claim it. I claim it.

I claim it.

Yes, yes, yes, pastor.

Oh, yes. You can have it here.

You see this?

What is it?

It's a letter from the Peckham County Court.

From the court?

Yes. I told you to pay that parking ticket.

Why didn't you just pay it in time instead of doing all this lawyer

trying to appeal?

It's not me. It's Dasha Day. Let me see it.

Upon all the things we have to pay for.

Instead of you trying to play this deck, you're just adding more things to our

head.

Eh? Gladdy?

Gladdy? I won. I won my case.

And guess what? I got my settlement check.

You won? Yes. And you got compensation?

Yes. That's wonderful.

How much is the big settlement check?

599. 599 pounds.

No, £5 .99.

But, Gladys, it's bad.

It's bad to what? I can't even buy a perfume toiletry with your big

check. Gladys, I'm going to forgive you for being so small -minded that you

cannot even see the big picture here.

What's the big picture?

Don't you see?

I won. This is a big sign.

I've always thought that I had it in me.

But now I know the time.

For what?

It's time to practice law.

Everybody rise for the Lord Chief Justice himself.

Lord Chief Justice?

That's right.

Shadi, Toby, are your legs broken?

Stand up! I said stand up!

Dad, why are you dressed like that?

Yeah, Dad, you're taking this way too far.

All we won was a little 5 .99 on a parking ticket.

We? You mean me?

It was me that did all the work. Shadi, we're not here to debate previous case.

I am here to announce myself as the Lord Chief Justice of this Adebanjo family.

From now on... I will advocate, deliberate, prognosticate, adjudicate on

family issues.

And as my previous cases have testified, I have 100 % success record.

Did you go to law school?

Did you have any legal training?

Did Obama do training to become president?

But dad, you're not a... Order in my court!

Like I said, I am here to deal with any issues in this house.

Starting with you, Shadi.

Well, I... You will address me as Milord.

Well, Milord.

I actually have a case. Okay, okay, okay. Let's hear it.

There's someone who's taking all the credits for my work.

Where is he? Let me meet him.

Dad, it's you.

Shadi. I do not deal with copyright law.

You don't deal with any law.

Moving on.

Toby, what is your own issue?

Well, Dad, you see how I'm too cool for school, right? And I got 99 problems. My

friend, stop with all that jack -a -jack -a -hip -hop -y nonsense.

Case dismissed. Sit down. Shut up.

Any other issues in the court?

Well, there is the case of the overdue council tax bill.

And... As your trusted legal advisor and wife, I advise you to pay up or shut

up. Pay?

We are not paying anything.

When we can appeal, me and my trusted PA Sade will gather the documents, look at

the information, and take it to the court.

You can't win this case. This is no 80 -pound parking fine.

Gladys, trust in your Lord Chief Justice.

First, we will not only...

beat the council, they will be paying us.

Bayo, would you just stop all this nonsense and take this seriously?

Ah, okay.

If I'm not serious, then tell me why I have my first official client coming

over.

Paying client.

Client?

Well, first of all, sir, let me thank you kindly for seeing me. No problem.

As you know, you know, I have a very busy schedule, you know, and many

to see. Bono pro.

But, you know, hurry up. Let's start.

Well, Mr.

Adé, Lord Justice Bayo.

In my situation, I have an extremely unruly tenant in my residence who, quite

frankly, I cannot evict. Ah!

This sounds like something I can relate to. I mean, most definitely, sir. I

mean, they play their music loud. They eat all my food.

And, oh, when they use my lavatory, the place is uninhabitable for at least two

hours. Oh, I think you have a problem.

In this house, it is four hours when Funke uses that bathroom.

Another five hours for the nuclear smell to clear away.

I've got to say, in my situation, it's out of control.

I mean, they bring their friends to the house, they party all night long,

keeping me awake until I've got to be up till 5 a .m.

Gregor. Yes, sir. This sounds like a very interesting case.

Can I ask you a question?

Of course you can.

This tenant, is the person a family member?

No, sir.

Brilliant! You are not in the same dire situation as I find myself in this

house. Now, I will tell you what to do to get rid of this unruly tenor. Oh,

fantastic.

I want to thank everyone for joining us here at our new premises,

the cafe.

I know it's a bit cramped, but we thank Sister Mke for her

divine provision.

Sister Funke.

Sister Funke.

Sorry, Pastor.

Look, I was just keeping the lookout for Tony. Because if he finds us here, it

will be serious trouble.

Sister Funke, don't worry.

It is fine.

Because nothing will get in the way of our breakthrough.

Amen.

Nothing will get in the way of our breakthrough. Amen.

Oh, yes. Now, ladies, I need you to roar from the pit of your belly.

Why are we here tonight?

To find a husband.

Louder. To find a husband.

Oh, yes.

Today, today.

Come forth.

Today, today.

Come forth. Today, today.

Come forth. You will hear your prayer request.

And by the power from above, whether your husband is high or low, whether

in the mountains or he's in the sea, he will come forth.

Sisters, ladies.

Let's begin.

Pastor. Yes? I pray for my daughter, husband, wherever he is in Lagos,

for him to gain entry, an indefinite stay, and marry me today.

Amen, amen, amen.

Today, today, come forth! Today, today, come forth! Today, today, come forth!

Yes.

Pastor, me, I just want a man.

Whether he's handsome.

Or not.

As long as he's making big money.

Money. Money.

That is too much talking.

Me. I just want to say one thing.

Now. Now, now, now, now, now. I want to say one thing. Funke. Funke. Funke.

For you.

As for you, we need serious prayers.

Serious prayers.

Ladies, charge yourself.

Are you charged?

Ladies, charge yourself.

Because today we are going to break down.

No, we are going to chop down.

No, we are going to dismantle the spiritual stronghold.

Begin to pray.

Begin to pray.

Ladies, ladies, ladies.

Do you want a husband?

Yes. Do you need a husband? Yes.

This man too.

Yeah, I just left my wallet. See you in five minutes.

What's going on?

I saw it in the vision, and it has been made manifest.

My husband has come forth.

Thank you, Father.

I can't believe you tricked me into letting Pastor Michael use this plate

his prayer meeting.

Oh, Tony, please try and understand.

It was a matter of grave importance. You know, my marital status.

I could not turn him down.

Funke, I have a good mind to fire you.

How can you fire her when she's just being obedient to the spirit?

Let's go, Teddy Bear.

Just coming, sweetie.

For this reason only, I'm prepared to forget this.

See? I told you.

I told you.

Power! See? My conference has a matchmaking power. Divine

matchmaking power.

So, see you next week.

Same place, same time.

Funke.

Funke.

Dad, stop pretending.

Pretending? OK. You wait when it becomes official, because next week I'm going

to put down a £500 deposit for a lawyer's course.

£500? Yes.

That sounds like a con.

Eh? Con? What con?

Look. £500 is a small fee.

Compared to what I will make as a lawyer, I will be making three times as

And in three years' time, I will be judged by you, Adebanjo.

As you see, one of my clients is here.

Ah, yes, come in, come in, come in, come in.

Good afternoon.

Are you Mr.

Adebanjo? Yes, I am indeed Lord Chief Justice by you, Adebanjo.

Well, I am from the Law Fraud Prevention Office.

I'm here to investigate a claim that you, Mr Adibanjo, have been practising

unlawfully.

Practising law in the United Kingdom without the correct licence is illegal

you are liable to a large fine or one year in prison.

One year?

Ah, no, no, no, no, no. Officer, I deny these allegations.

It's untrue. It's untrue. Then why are you dressed as a lawyer?

Fancy dress.

Party time with my daughter.

And why is your face on this flyer? Ah!

Somebody has put my face on their advertisement. This is incredible.

Look, somebody call my lawyer. Call my lawyer.

So you're saying you're not practicing law and this is a mistake?

Why would I, me, a simple housing officer, pretend to be a lawyer? No, no,

no. I strongly deny these allegations. And please, leave my premises and my

family in peace.

as a bongo. Your advice actually works. Your legal advice works, sir.

I mean, I must admit, seriously, I had my reservations about releasing those

cockroaches instead of turning it off, but it actually worked.

This is a no -win, no -fee shot.

£200, sir.

Legal advice?

Cockroaches? £200 fee?

Sounds like you're guilty to me.

My friend, as a lawyer.

You know that one is innocent until proven guilty.

Detective, come in and arrest this man.

Call my lawyer!

Call my lawyer!

Call my lawyer!

Good day.

My dad is actually a criminal.

This is so not cool.

I mean, I don't want to grow up without him, even though he does annoy the hell

out of me.

I would gladly take 50 kaboko beatings just to have him back.

You're on your own.

All the times I prayed and complained to God about his behaviour, all I want is

my husband back.

Dad.

Potato.

First of all, I want to apologize to everyone for getting ahead of myself

this lawyer thing and really bringing shame upon this family.

So, Dad, what happened?

Well, as it was my first offense, I begged them, I begged them, and they

not to press charges.

Oh, God.

Oh, I am now going to go down the proper route to get my legal qualifications.

I must follow my dream to be Jojo Bayo at the band zone.

Bayo, maybe you need to forget this dream.

Dad, I think a letter arrived for you while you were locked up.

Oh, thank you, my son. Where is it?

I think it's from the council.

Let's not open it. We've already had a bad day. Oh, Gladdy, have faith. Have

faith. I give you the honour to articulate this letter.

Congratulations, you have won your kiss against other countries.

I told you I would win.

That is pretty thick.

Okay, okay.

So maybe you will have a future as a lawyer.

One small step for man, one giant leap for Bayo. In three years' time,

I will be Lord Chief Justice of Nigeria.

Hold on. There's more.

Due to your recent application and information provided, we are happy to

you your house has been raised in value.

Therefore, we are to inform you that you are currently underpaying your council

tax bill and are required to pay an extra £1 ,000 a year.

What? So, we've gone from having to pay less to having to pay more money.

Palo, £1 ,000 more? How can you do this to us? When we are struggling to pay the

original bill, you were... I

will

be qualified once I finish my lawyer course.

As Barack Obama said, you have to believe it. Yes, we can.

No, we can't.