Original subtitles

Yes, hello?

Yes, thank you. Yes, I wish to cancel my insurance.

What do you mean, am I sure? What kind of interrogation is this? My friend,

cancel the thing.

Yes, cancellation, submission, order. Done. Cancel it now. Thank you.

Huh? Yes, thank you.

Oh, by the way, what's your name?

Oh, Mike.

Thank you, Mike. Bye.

Oh, bitch.

I have saved myself some money. Already I feel lighter.

Insurance. I pay insurance for this appliance and that appliance.

Look at Gladys.

She has not washed this like bad.

What am I meant to wear to Sister Dara Molan's 50th birthday?

Gladys!

Am I meant to do everything in this house?

Shadi? Shadi?

Toby?

conditional

You broke the washing machine.

What do you mean? It's not broke.

Yeah,

it did.

Dad, it's not even turning on.

I mean, the first time you used it and it breaks, you should have just left it

to mum.

It's your fault. I was calling, calling, calling, no answer. Therefore, you are

responsible for breaking it.

Dad, this washing machine is so old. We've had it since I was born. Just call

the insurance company and ask them for a new one.

Ask them for a new one.

We have no insurance.

Of course we do.

Mum always makes sure we get the insurance.

As she said.

The men in this household know nothing about DIY.

Who is the one that changes the light bulbs in this house if I don't know

DIY? That's not DIY.

I've cancelled it.

Yes.

Nothing has been broke for three years and I've just been pained out of my

nostrils.

Nowhere else.

Don't worry.

I will fix this.

Is that Appliance Insurance Incorporated?

Yes, let me speak to my buddy, Mike.

Ah, Mike, yes, this is your friend, Bayo Adebanjo.

Bayo Adebanjo. Anyway, don't worry. Listen, I am under much reconsideration

and deliberation. I have decided not to go ahead with the cancellation.

What do you mean I can't cancel my cancellation?

Hello? Hello? Mike? Mike? Miko?

Michele?

Mommy's gonna kill you!

What is wrong with you guys? Why are you looking suspicious?

Nothing, Gladys.

Just saying, my potato, my sweet potato.

You know, I'm just looking at my wonderful wife and thinking, you know,

too much hard work. So we are all going to contribute to the work in this house.

I must get started with your agbada. Oh, that old thing. Don't worry about that.

You just go upstairs.

Gladys brings the washing basket, Shadi.

Grab this washing basket from your mom.

And you go upstairs to rest, my dear. I will be up in a minute.

My potato.

I know you think you're 007.

And even if you are him, you can't hide this from mom.

Look, mark my words.

I am going to fix this. Now, both of you, pronto.

Go to the laundrette and do this washing before your mum flies out.

What are you waiting for?

I'll see you at six tonight.

Oh, and remember, not to open to the public. This is a closed audition.

Cheers, matey. See you later.

No problem at all.

So, who is that man?

Oh, just some West End theatre director.

He wants to use the cafe later on for some auditions.

Since when have you been thinking about your idea to make money?

Since I had a look at the balance sheets, we need this.

This is a safe deal, unlike the ones you come up with.

Look, might I remind you that the only reason why people come into this

cafe is because of me. And might I remind you that the only reason you get

is because of me.

Sorry, sir.

What is this about audition?

It's a West End show. It's going to tour the world afterwards, though,

apparently. West End?

At the Noctua Circus?

Oh, showbiz, baby.

Do you know how many of these West End actresses have men throw themselves at

them?

Imagine I, bearing the star of the West End, my pictures on all the

billboards, the buses, my name in lights.

It's in my name.

Funke.

Funke. Funke.

That's right.

Funke.

Funke.

Do the dishes.

This is my destiny.

Please help me to get an audition. The man said it was a private audition and

not open to the public.

Which is why I want all of you out of here by 6pm.

Thank you. Can you rub on my ankles, please? Yes, Gladys. Anything for you.

I will rub the ankles, below the ankle, above the ankle, and even below the

knee. Slow down, Mr. Romantic.

My potato.

Just wait right there, potato.

I will be back to give you a head massage.

This treatment is too much, oh.

Dr. Michael, any news on your guy?

I need him to come and fix this washing machine before Gladie finds out.

Can he come today?

What do you mean he charges double for same -day service?

Bayo, can you bring my drink over, please?

Oh, yes, my sweetness.

How much?

300?

What do you mean do I have insurance?

Do you think I will be calling you if I did?

Listen, tell him I will pay him 100.

He must be here within the hour.

Here you go. My potato.

Exotic rainbow drink.

Bayo, I feel so terrible.

I feel so lazy.

I still have so much housework to do.

Gladdy, you know it's good to relax.

After all, you are the first lady of the household.

The Michelle Obama of the Adebanjo family.

Bayo, you are right.

But I still have so much laundry to do.

Shadi can do it all.

No, I still have another pile over there.

Huh? Gladdy?

Are you...

Are you still in laundry from the neighbors?

It seems to be growing by the minute.

Of course not.

But let me get started.

I have not done your back massage.

Bayo, a back massage is not going to wash all this glue. Let me get on with

No, no, no. You just sit down.

Bayo, let me.

I need to keep massaging you.

Over here, over there.

Robi, Robi.

Robo, Robo. Bayo, will you just stop?

Stop it, please.

How? Gladys, can I not take care of you? Will you, for goodness sake, relax?

Oh, hello.

Is this the place for the audition?

Who are you?

I'm Sarah.

Sorry, I'm a bit early.

I'm very keen.

Been preparing for this role for so long.

Did you say your name was?

Sarah McDonald.

This is such a great role. I'm so excited.

I know.

But there's no audition here.

Oh.

Really?

Yeah.

Now, if you're not buying anything to eat, you are wasting my time.

Okay. Sorry.

She's sleeping upstairs.

Have you finished with the laundry?

Yeah, that's the last lot.

Good. I can't keep walking up and down the streets of Peckham with a laundry

basket, Dad.

It's ruining my reputation. People are going to think we're poor.

We are poor.

Speak for yourself.

So when's the guy coming to fix this thing?

That's what I was wondering.

Pastor Michael said he would be here within the hour, and it's been two hours

now.

Typical Nigerian time.

Look, when he comes, I'm deducting this one hour from his payment.

Huh?

Rubbish.

Peace be unto this house of glory. My boy, shut up. Enough with that. Where's

your guy?

Brother Bayo, did you not receive my message?

No.

See, the brother was caught up with some issues involving his immigration

status.

In his absence, I am able to fill the void.

What do you know about plumbing? Plumbing?

There is no plumbing too great for the Lord.

For instance, when I was in Tim Smith, Sister Tola's car broke down. The way I

laid my hand on the body of the car, of the car, and the

engine began to fire up.

Just pass me the manual.

We don't know where the manual is.

Don't worry. I will receive instruction from on high.

Please move aside.

Fire! What?

I'm laying hands on this. Oh.

Can I? Yes, you can.

Fire!

By the power and the mercy.

Should have bought a Honda.

Dad,

make him stop. He's making it worse.

Silence. Do not silence the spirit.

Pastor,

pastor, pastor!

Leave the dramatics to the church.

Don't doubt.

Don't doubt.

Did they doubt the Lord when he was turning water into wine?

Fire!

It is working.

It is working.

No, it's not.

It is working. Believe me, boy. I am sweating in the anointing. Can't you

Shake it.

Shake it.

This is ridiculous.

Dad. Huh?

It's working.

It's working?

It is.

How did you do it? It is not me, my brother.

It is the resurrection power.

Pastor, Pastor.

I am very grateful.

Thank you, no problem.

What about the payment we spoke about?

But the mechanic did not come.

Brother Bayo, is your machine fixed?

Yes, now.

As I always preach, if you give, you will receive. I have given you a working

machine. Now I'm waiting for something to receive.

Keep it going.

Dad, it's dead.

You didn't fix it properly.

It is because of your unbelief.

The Lord cannot walk when there is doubt.

So, aren't you going to try again?

Toby, my boy, I think this one is a bit too much for me. But I wish you all the

best of luck.

Before I leave, any chance of a cooler?

Just go.

Just go.

I say go!

So what are we going to do now, Dad?

We are back to square one.

Sarah McDonald, please.

Sorry, we are for Sarah McDonald?

Open your eyes. Can't you see?

I'm Sarah McDonald.

You're a bit different in your headshot.

I put on a tan.

She's put on more than that.

Okay, Sarah.

When you're ready.

Oh, Romeo, Romeo.

My luscious Romeo.

Where art thou?

Your funky is waiting.

Yes.

Maybe I will have to accept defeat.

But I will have to find a way to spin it so the blame is not on me.

How?

I will blame it on you.

That's not fair.

After all we've done.

And I suppose you're going to tell her that we cancelled the insurance too?

Look, if you blame it on us, and I'll tell her how you tried to hide it from

all along.

Are you trying to blackmail your father?

Well, if you're going to pour us the blame, then yeah.

What's all this noise?

Nothing, Mum.

Dad's just got something to tell you.

Yes, you do.

About the reason you've been acting so shifty.

But first, let me put this in the wash.

Let her know!

What is all this nonsense?

Come into the living room and I will explain.

You better.

I can't believe Dad tried to set us up.

Dad thinks he's funny, you know.

Always getting into things and then blaming it on others. I don't need

reminding.

Let me check the washing machine and see if it has any coins in it.

But so cheap like that, it's unbelievable.

You won't be saying that when I get a fortune.

What's that?

It's Dad's hat.

I think it's stuck.

Maybe that's what got caught and stopped it from working.

Really?

So, Bayo, talk to me. What is the problem?

Must there always be something wrong when I want to talk to my wife?

Yes, Bayo, just tell me.

My friend, just spit it out.

You see, look, when you leave your duties of the house to me and your

responsibilities, there will always occur some mishaps.

What exactly do you mean by mishaps?

Dad, we fixed it.

Really? Fix what?

Oh, nothing.

Shadi, what is all this about?

What are you doing with your dad's hat?

You guys have been acting fishy all day with the washing machine. I hope you

have not broken it to buy it.

Of course it's not broken. Why must you always think the worst?

I'm going to go and check for myself.

Yes, we had a chat about your audition and we thought it was, um... We thought

it was great.

I thought you did.

What are you talking about? We like you so much that we are not going to bother

with further auditions.

You've done it again.

You've done it again.

I don't worry.

Oh, you're on the move.

Yes,

we certainly can see it all.

you've applied for.

I beg thee.

Hurry up and tell me the role now.

What is it?

Well, I can introduce you to who you're playing with.

Camel. Oh, Camel.

Yes.

Here I come.

You mean you want me to act with a man dressed in a donkey?

No, sir.

Where's the donkey?

Back end of the donkey.

You're joking, right?

You want me to play an ass?

Don't put it that way.

First things first.

My name is Don Cera.

My name is Funke.

Funke Fabulous.

have too much talent, too much class, too much fabulosity for me to be playing

one stupid animal.

What are you thinking anyway?

A whole me to reduce myself to playing a stupid horse.

It's actually a donkey.

Whatever it is, donkey, cow, horse, you mean.

Look, you better look for somebody else to play that role.

Fonke is not anybody's ass.

I told you, you shouldn't doubt me.

So what has been going on today? You have all been acting rather strange.

We just wanted to appreciate you for all the hard work you are doing.

So we wanted to take you out for dinner.

But you ruined the surprise, so we just have to order Chinese instead.

Chinese instead?

When we are trying to save money in this house, please don't bother.

I'll warm up some rice and soup.

Oh, that's what I like about my wife.

Financially responsible like her husband.

Kid, let's eat.

So dad, are you going to sort us out with some money for helping you?

Don't worry, I will inspect it in two months. She won't notice anything.

What's with all the whispering? Oh, nothing, my dear.

Yes, baby.

Make my food very warm. You know I like it piping hot.

Bio.

The microwave had broken.

Can you get me the number of the insurance company so I can call them?

Oh, God.