Original subtitles

Ah!

Today is my day to enjoy.

And today I dedicate to you, Mr.

Bond.

Yes, Bond.

James Bond.

Ah! Roya Casino.

Eh? Die another day. Ah! The man with the golden finger. Affoi!

Affoi!

Okay, now.

Dad, when are you going to pick up my book?

Shadi, how many times have I told you? When I am in my 007 mode, don't

me.

Dad, you watch Die Another Day like every week.

That's because every time, Hallie brings something different.

Dad, you promised to collect my book's order with your card.

Shadi, it's my day off.

Can't you just go and pick them up yourself?

No, it's your card, so you need to be there.

If we don't go today, we're going to lose my reservation.

Dad, you ready?

Ready for what?

Well, you promised to take me out to get my gear for the gym.

You know, a man like me needs to bulk up and look fresh.

Gym? Bulk up? Are you competing with Mike Tyson?

No, it's not for me.

It's for the lady.

You see this?

It's empty.

There's no rice or meat in this house. When are you going to the market like

said you would? Gladie, it is my day off.

And today I am watching Halle Berry.

Can't you at least wait for her part?

Is Halle Berry going to put food in your stomach?

Well, a man can only dream.

Dad, we need to get my gear.

Dad, what about my books you promised?

Zion, we need meat in this house, my friend. No, but Dad, you promised me to

my gear. No, Dad, you said it.

Oh, my head!

So all I need is a good rest.

Too much stress in my life.

Well, Mr. Adabanjo, I'm afraid it's a little more complicated than that.

This seems to be quite a health care.

Doctor, what are you talking about health care?

All I need is a doctor's note so I can get off work. I need the sick pay.

By all means, I do need a doctor. Did you study medicine? So let the doctor

speak. Thank you, Mrs. Adepanjo.

I'm afraid to inform you that your blood pressure and cholesterol levels are

extremely high.

And if you don't do something now, it will only get worse.

Doctor, are we not being a bit dramatic here? Oh, my God.

High blood pressure, high cholesterol.

Ah, Rara, we will not confess bad things. We reject it.

Doctor, what do you suggest?

I would suggest...

A healthy eating plan.

So no meat, no fatty acid.

No meat? Are you okay? Is something wrong with you? How can an African man

survive with no meat?

Isn't that right, Gladys?

It's only for one week.

So I can monitor your blood pressure and cholesterol level. One week? No meat?

This is ridiculous.

Gladys, please talk some sense into this so -called doctor.

In fact, my friend, where are your credentials?

Yes, where did you even study?

Oxford University.

And a master's from King's.

Well, Oxford will be ashamed of you.

Gladys, a word, please.

Gladys, you being the woman of the house, I'm sure you understand.

Your husband simply has to go on this no -meat diet in order to improve.

Doctor, I understand, but no meat.

We eat meat with everything in this house.

That can't work.

It has to.

And it would be better if the whole household went on the no -meat diet to

moral support for Bayo, which would, of course, help him get through the week.

But, Doctor... Gladys, no buts.

Bayo, it has been decided.

The meat ban will be enforced for the week.

Lady, are you agreeing with this crazy man?

Bayo, I'm doing it for you.

For me?

No, no, no, no, no, no. There is nothing wrong with me. I was only just putting

it on so I can get some peace and quiet to watch my James Bond.

Fool, fool.

Bayo, stop pretending you are well. Are you not listening?

High cholesterol, high blood pressure. I feel it in my spirit. You must fight

this with fasting.

That's right. But you don't want to die another day.

You have to keep the beat away.

Oh, Jocky.

I can feel it in my heart. The spirit is telling me.

Honest.

My husband is waiting for you.

Hi.

I'm from the London Heart Foundation.

Yes. Welcome.

We're basically here to raise awareness on heart disease.

And we believe you can help.

I can't help you.

I cannot donate to you.

If you donate to me, I will take.

No, no, we're not looking for donation.

But what I would like is for you to sign up for this 10K run and raise funds by

sponsorship. Sponsor what?

Sponsorship. A 10K run? Yeah. I mean, as in the whole run?

Oh, I'm sorry. I cannot help you there.

That is a shame. I see you have a deep

fascination with our new ambassador.

Ambassador? This one is my husband.

Well,

you know, our new ambassador, Chucky Venn, he has decided to take out one

participant.

From the run.

When you say take out, do you mean as in a date?

Yeah.

Dinner.

Where do I sign?

Where?

Oh, Mum, not the barbecue ring.

I need it for my exercise.

You heard Dr.

Patel. No meat for an entire week.

Oh, Mum!

No buts, kids. We're going to be healthy, clean eating machines.

But why are Dad's problems affecting the whole household?

Because there's a serious spiritual attack on your dad's health. And the

has recommended that we all stick together and fight this with serious

and prayer.

Shadi, she tried to kill us.

She wants to starve us.

I mean, usually I wouldn't mind losing a bit of weight, but I need to eat if I'm

going to put on my Beyonce curves.

On this healthy eating class, this will be what we eat.

Oh, cool. Chicken, that's not so bad.

Toby, you idiot. It's not chicken. It's veggie chicken.

What the hell is veggie chicken?

It looks like chicken. It even smells like chicken. So is it chicken?

No, it's chicken for vegetarians.

Look, why would a vegetarian eat fake meat?

If you're a veggie, just eat veggie.

Actually, it's very tasty.

I prepared some for you guys earlier.

Mmm,

I smell chicken.

Bloody. My sweet potato.

Oh, I'm so glad that you have come to your senses. You are not listening to

that useless advice from the doctor.

Now, where is the chicken? Oh, yes, Dad.

You're going to love this. It's really tasty.

Ah, good boy, Toby. Always looking out for your father.

What was that?

He look like a chicken?

It smell like a chicken?

Gladie, I'll be head of this house.

What am I supposed to eat?

I want to eat proper food.

What am I supposed to eat? I don't want to be eating chicken that's not supposed

to be chicken but was meant to be chicken and could be chicken. I just

eat chicken.

Mum, Dad doesn't want to do it. Let's just stop this experiment.

We are helping you. We are not the one having a heart attack.

Yeah, Dad.

We suffer you and I am ruining my quest for Coe.

Thank you very much, Dr. Gladdy. So from now on, I'll be drinking Gary with

Granot. Eh?

How am I supposed to eat rice without shaking?

Praise be unto this house of glory.

Oh, yes. I can smell the sweet -smelling aroma of a full banquet.

Mmm.

The Lord has brought me here to taste some before I go ahead on my ministering

duties, and it looks like I arrived at the appointed time.

Funny how you always come at dinner time. Shut your lips.

You're welcome, Pastor Michael.

Thank you. Please take a seat.

thank you it's always nice to see someone who appreciates my cooking oh

course you think i've been dreaming about your assorted meats accompanied by

your special sauce your tenderly fried gizzard topped up with

some succulent cow food you're going to love this dinner oh yes

Thank you very much, sister, for the salad, for the green.

Yes. But I want to talk into the main meat platter. Where is the gizzard?

But this is the main meal.

Bayo had taken ill earlier this week due to high blood pressure. So we are

supporting him with a known meat policy.

Sister, does one man's sin have to punish all of us?

It doesn't have to punish all of us. The Lord will deliver us from his ailment.

Now, where is the chicken? There's no chicken.

No chicken?

Is that the time?

I need to go and visit one of the members of ministry duties.

But Pastor, you haven't even started.

Sister, it's okay. I'll go and eat.

I'll go and meet one of the church members to discuss.

Do you want to pack some corn on the cob to take with you?

Corn on a cob?

Corn? Am I a cow?

Corn on a cob.

If I do this race, don't expect me to come to work.

I will be recovering for an entire month.

I'm not having that. Let me have a look at this pledge.

There must be some loophole. Oh, there it is. Look, section 9. It says you can

have someone run the race on your behalf.

Where? Let me look.

Oh, Tony, you are wonderful.

So you're going to run the race on me? Run the race? Whoa.

The only place I'm going to run is this cafe.

So where am I going to find the substitute at such a little time?

The race is tomorrow.

Well, it certainly won't be me.

Peace be unto this cafe of glory.

I can smell the sweet smelling aroma of this cafe's delicious delicacy.

How are you doing, Pastor?

My spirit is high, but my belly is low.

You see, I recently visited this, you know, at the Banjo residence.

Instead of them offering me a plate of their finest assorted...

Sister Gladys brought for me a corn.

Corn.

Am I a cow?

I don't know what's wrong with them.

They bring me corn.

I don't know.

But here, we will take care of you.

That's more like it.

You will have to take care of me.

Of course. Of course, sister.

Anything. I've dedicated my life of servitude to the Lord.

As a matter of fact, I'm not ready for marriage.

Who wants you?

Who wants you?

What do you have, sister?

A lot, of course.

House?

You are renting?

Because I'm sharing with my... Car!

You are bossing.

And now, on top of it all, you are short.

I have care of.

Nonsense.

Look,

I have something to ask you.

Come this way. Come closer and let me tell you what I know you to do.

Okay, okay, okay.

She's asleep.

And this is Operation Seeking Royale.

That's right.

Now, quickly, let's muscle up some meat and enjoy.

Come on.

Dad, what if mom finds us? Just hurry up before she wakes up. Quick, quick. Oh,

yeah. Charlie, get the barbecue wings.

And don't forget the drumsticks.

Quickly, put it in the microwave.

Then put it on hot heat before your mom wakes up.

I can't wait for this. I didn't realise how much I missed meat until today.

I know, I mean, I just need some decent food.

My saliva is salivating already.

No way to talk into those tender and succulent chickens.

Chicken, chicken,

chicken, chicken.

Yummy,

yummy, yummy.

Excuse me, what is going on here? Yes, what's going on here with all these

lovely mates?

Shut up!

Bayo, don't pretend you're not in this with them. You are in this with them

together. Look, Gladie, Gladie, can't you see that I'm suffering?

One week, Bayo, just one week.

But, Mum, seriously, I mean, I'm shitting pounds here. There's going to

nothing left.

Exactly, Mum.

I don't want to be skinny like Sade.

I'm saying the girls deserve a buff, Toby.

I'm hearing none of this. You have left me with no option.

This myth is now going on lockdown.

Yeah.

My babe.

Funky, where you are?

I've been looking for you all morning.

It's about your sponsored run.

Oh, yes, yes. I sent my brother Michael to do the race for me.

How is he doing?

Well, that must be the man in the shiny suit who is busy trying to convert all

runners to the church instead of running.

So you mean he's not running the race?

He says the only run he wants to do is the run for the Lord.

I would now substitute, Funke.

You shall have to run the race yourself.

Sister.

No.

Can't you see? I've just done my weave.

Please, Funke.

Think of all those lives you'll be changing.

Don't you think I have concerns about my life?

Chucky will be at the finish line greeting all the runners.

Tony,

I shall see you after the race.

Where was that Chucky you said was going to be at the finish line?

Fanka, you didn't cross the finish line.

What does it matter?

Look, I raised a lot of money for this charity and I deserve my date, my dinner

with Chucky. I even spent so much money bringing my photographer for my wedding

pictures.

Maria, what about the payment?

Shut up. Shut up.

Don't go away.

With money, did you work?

Funky, you know you're right.

We are grateful for all the money you've raised for the charity, despite not

finishing the race.

But I've got a surprise for you.

Introducing Hollywood actor Chucky Venn.

Sorry, sorry, sorry.

You see, I was on my way to L .A. to shoot my new movie when I got a call

the charity.

You see, I'm an ambassador for the London Heart Foundation.

And I've been truly touched to hear that you've battled through thick and thin

for the charity. Oh, yes.

I can do anything for Turkey and charity.

Well, Funke, I look forward to our meal next week.

No.

on the fridge.

I'm getting used to this.

I mean, my stomach has gotten so flat. Forget Beyonce.

I'm talking Baywatch, baby.

I've lost weight.

I've lost weight.

That's what happens when you don't eat properly.

I have not eaten for two days.

Two whole days.

Oh.

Dad, you should be glad. I mean, you're getting rid of your big belly.

Who told you I want to get rid of my big belly?

In Nigeria, having a big belly is a sign of good living.

Yeah, but in London, having a big belly means you need to go to the gym.

Zip! Dad, this is awful anyway.

Why did you have to fake it in the first place? Shut up, son!

This is the extent I have to go to to get some peace and quiet in this house!

Oh, chicken!

Toby!

This is what it has come to. You are now hallucinating.

You are mistaking a banana for a chicken.

I don't know what chicken tastes like.

That's it.

Enough is enough.

As the man of this house, I am taking a stand.

We are all going to the market.

We are going to buy some chicken.

And then we demand that your mother must cook it immediately.

Sharp, sharp.

Fast, fast. I will no longer stand for this.

Can you smell that?

Chicken. Are you hallucinating too?

He's coming from the living room. Follow me.

Gladys?