Original subtitles

(lion roaring)

(intense music)

(object thuds)

(dramatic music)

(indistinct chattering)

- Of whom may we seek for succor but of thee, O Lord,

who for our sins art justly displeased.

Thou knowest Lord, the secrets of our hearts

shut not thy merciful ears to our prayer

but spare us, O Lord,

most holy O God, most holy,

O holy and merciful savior.

And so we commend Annabel Pitswolly Couslove

to the dust whence she came.

Always keeping in mind the words of advice given

to the tin-man by the Wizard of Oz.

That the size of your heart should be measured

not by how much you love

but by how much you are loved by others.

Annabel is mourned by her sister Causima,

by her lifelong friend and companion Mr. Canes.

By her loving son Daniel,

and by her loving daughter-in-law, Stephanie.

(Mr. Canes sobbing)

(priest clearing throat)

That's it.

(somber music)

(Mr. Canes sobbing) Try to have a nice day.

(Mr. Canes sobbing)

- Imbecile.

- Try to have a nice day. - Thanks, Padre.

- Could I...

Would it be all right if I went back and said a word to her?

- Stephanie, really I-

- I think she would like that very much.

- Well, I'll go warm up the car then.

- I think it's very nice that she wants...

- Mrs. Couslove?

Mom?

I hope you rot in hell, you old witch.

I hope you rot in hell.

Do you hear me in there?

Do you hear me?

(coffin creaking)

(Stephanie screaming)

(coffin thudding) (Stephanie screaming)

(flames roaring)

- Oh God. This movie's gonna be weird.

(Stephanie screaming)

I can't.

- April, just tell me what you want.

- Popcorn. - Now?

- I'll get some for ya.

- [Man] Oh my God. There's somebody in there.

- [Man] Get her out, get her out. She's burning.

- [Man] Don't touch her.

- [Man] We can't leave her.

(intense music)

- Hello?

Anybody home?

(machine beeping)

I just want some popcorn.

(door slamming)

Is this some kind of joke?

Customer here.

This is your last chance.

Thank you, come again.

Check it out, Stosh, freebies.

Stosh?

- [Man] Back off. Get away from there.

- [Man] I can't.

Get back!

- Gotcha.

- [Man] Get outta there.

- [Man] I can't, I can't!

She's got me by the hand.

Oh, my God. She's just pulling in.

I'm burning. I'm burning up.

(Stosh hissing)

(April screaming) (dramatic music)

(uptempo rock music)

(man groaning)

J' You're not like the rest J'

J' You're cut from the pack J'

J' You groove to moves you know you never liked J'

J' I just can't understand J'

J' Why you need to be this way J'

(man groaning)

J' Along for the ride is something inside J'

J' It holds you for ransom you can't decide J'

J' Believin' a false promise J'

J' That's a small price to pay J'

J' You want somethin' for nothin' J'

J' That's what you're goin' through J'

J' You got your backseat against the wall J'

J' Now the joke's on you J'

J' April J'

J' April, why do you play the fool J"

J' April J'

J' April, you're no J'

J' You're no fool J'

J' April J'

J' April, why do you play the fool J"

J' April, woa-oh, April J'

J' You're no J'

(energetic rock music)

J' April J'

J' April, why do you play the fool J"

J' April J'

J' April, you're no you're no fool J'

J' April J'

J' Woa-oh, April, why do you play the fool J'

J' April, woa-oh, April J'

J' April J'

J' You're no fool J'

J' April J'

J' Oh, April, why do you play the fool J"

J' April J'

J' Oh, April J'

(horn honking) - Phoebe, Jennifer is here.

- Minute, mom.

- Jennifer's here. - Thanks, mom.

Woo, woo.

Hi.

- Hi.

- Mmm, want some breakfast? - No, I ate at the dorm.

- Oh, come on, have a danish.

Hey, where's Vivia?

- Oh, I don't know. She's out on the driveway.

Phoebe, I'm suddenly not sure

the sorority thing is such a hot idea.

- Are you for real?

Sigma Alpha Pi is the wet dream of this college.

- [Mom] Won't you girls be late for class?

- Uh, finished, mom.

Thanks.Bye.

Come on, let's go.

Hiya, Viv'.

- Don't talk to me.

I'm communicating with this machine

and it demands all of my powers of concentration.

- Your chain broke. - I can fix it.

Damn. - Here, come on.

Hop on.

J' Now we're on our own J'

(both screaming) (girls yelling)

J' These are the best times of our lives I

J' These are the best times J'

J' These are the best times of our lives I

J' These are the best times J'

J' Everyone you meet J'

J' Today is on their way J'

J' They know this was J'

J' Up and down the streets smiling faces seem to know J'

J' What you're looking for J'

J' Don't ask us why J'

J' But there's something for everyone J'

(all chattering)

J' These are the best times of our lives I

J' These are the best times J'

- Hi, girls.

Life has come, pledges.

- Everybody knows Sigma Alpha Pi blows.

- Bet your sweet ass. Specially you, Goldilocks.

(all laughing)

(uptempo instrumental music)

(eerie music)

- Think long and you think wrong.

(eerie music continues)

_

- This is a big mistake.

Don't you see it, Phoeb?

Don't you feel it?

This is bad.

- This is the last step.

You came this far, Jenn.

You just don't throw it all away.

- Go on, get out of here.

- Are you gonna quit?

- I don't know. I have to go to class.

(eerie music continues)

- Well?

- They gave us an errand. - You mean you're stayin'?

- Yeah. - All right!

One more day and this will all be ours.

I can smell the clout.

(upbeat music)

(girls giggling)

- Bye, Mrs. Henshaw. We're goin' to miss you.

- Oh, bye, Pam. Bye, girls.

I'll miss you, too.

Still, it's time to move on.

- Miss. Henshaw?

Any word on the old frat house?

Are they really gonna re-open it?

- That house is still off limits.

Veronica, I want you all to be good Sigma Alpha Pis.

Stay out of there.

- Mrs. Henshaw?

I just want you to know I'm really gonna miss you.

Oh.

(upbeat music continues)

(door clattering)

(man whistling)

(doorbell ringing)

- Yes, may I help you? - Delivery.

- HOld it.

Hey, anybody order soda? - Champagne, toots.

I got a case of bubbly for the Sigma Alpha Pi house.

- Champagne? Who ordered champagne?

- Well, this is the Sigma Alpha Pi house, isn't it?

- YGS.

Well, bring it in.

Kelly, did you order champagne?

- No.

' He)', did you guys order Champagne?

Hey, did anyone order a case of champagne?

- No, uh-huh. - No, we didn't.

- Well, everyone else is out back.

- Well, I got an order right here.

- Oh.

Well, all right.

Just put it right there.

- Okay-

Sign there by the two x's.

- Okay-

- So, hell night, huh?

- Uh-huh. - Well, I guess you girls

are gonna have some fun.

- Uh-huh.

- Well, I guess that's it.

- Well, thanks.

(knocking on door)

- It's all set.

(all quietly chattering)

Hurry UP-

- [Woman] I wonder what Mrs. Henshaw is gonna do now?

- [Woman] Go to New York. For sex and drugs.

- [Woman] No, really.

- Here, let me throw. - Dude, wait.

- Come on, man, I set this whole thing up.

- Right, right, right. - What a set up.

- Now, I'm gonna break it up.

- [Pam] 20 years with the rooms open

and everybody else bonking their brains in.

She must be hornier than you.

- [Woman] Pam, your brains are where you sit.

- [Pam] That's why I only date ass men.

- Come on. - That's disgusting.

(bees buzzing)

BGGS.

- Bees! (women screaming)

- on!

Oh! (women screaming)

- Oh! Heaven help me.

Oh!

Oh!

(women screaming)

- Open the door. - Open the door, Melanie.

- I can't open it. The door knob's missing!

- Open the door, Melanie. - Oh, my God.

(women screaming)

- Help me, Mrs. Henshaw.

(Mrs. Henshaw yelling)

(men yelling)

(men applauding)

- We're gonna call the police. - Please, Sandy.

(men cheering)

- You son of a...

(man whistling) (men cheering)

(intense music)

- Allan?

Allan.

Allan.

They are going to use the house.

Mm-hmm.

The girls are holding their goat night here tomorrow.

But, I suppose they're just laughing away

at having put one over on me.

But, that Veronica, she's so sweet, so sincere.

So sorority.

How could I say no?

Oh, Allan.

It was an accident.

It's time to forget.

Now, I'm just going in to check the place out

and make sure it's all safe.

Bye.

(wind blowing) (heavy breathing)

(door creaking)

(eerie music continues)

(steps cracking)

(foot thudding) Oh!

(eerie music continues)

(door creaking)

(heavy breathing)

(distant creaking)

(hammer thudding)

(floor creaking)

What are you doing here?

(tool thudding) (woman screaming)

(women yelling)

- Look out. - Oh, God.

- Thank you. Thank you.

- Strange.

(indistinct chattering)

- What was that? - What was what? Jennifer?

- Over there in the shrubs.

- Jennifer, if you're so bugged about that old house

why'd you pledge the sorority?

- Because of you guys. I want us to stay together.

- Well, me, too. - Me, too, three.

- Okay, slime-buckets, listen up.

The phrase for today is,

"I, myself, prefer a big fat cucumber."

Let's hear it.

- [All] I, myself, prefer a big fat cucumber.

- I can't hear you.

- [All] I, myself, prefer a big fat cucumber.

' HEY, girls.

I've got a big fat cucumber.

Where would you prefer it?

- Get lost, losers.

- Screw you.

Ooh.

- Lovely, girls. Just lovely.

Vivia.

Can you ditch those glasses? They're awful.

- I can't see without them.

- Can you see your ankles?

- Yeah. - Then grab 'em!

I hate to tell you this, four eyes.

But for your own good,

don't turn in your meal pass tomorrow.

Get up.

Get up on your feet!

Okay, listen up.

You're all goin' over

to Billions and Trillions this afternoon.

- We are?

Yes, Pledge Mistress.

- The three of you would look so chic Beta Tau t-shirts.

I want you to steal some to go with mine.

- Beta Tau. All right! - But we have class.

- Yeah, we couldn't-

- It's Beta Tau t-shirts or bare back.

It's entirely up to you.

Well, what are you lookin' at, slime-bucket?

You see a black ball coming down?

- Come on, let's go to class.

- Beta Tau.

- There are few simple pleasures

that can compare with the curling up in bed

with a nice big book.

(girls whispering) - Would you stop it?

Just be quiet.

(Jennifer and Phoebe whispering)

- Jennifer Beatty. - Talk later.

- How are you, Jennifer?

I was telling the class

about what a pleasure deep reading can be.

Have you, Jennifer, ever curled up in bed

with a nice big book?

- I, myself, prefer a big, fat cucumber.

(all laughing)

- I suppose this is what comes of wearing

one red sock and one white one.

There are people who'd get rid of them today if they could.

But they can't.

So, Miss Beatty, I must content myself

with getting rid of you.

You are excused.

- But, Doctor Zito, it's just a joke.

- You are excused. Please vacate.

Wait a minute, you two, sit down.

I said Ms. Beatty was excused.

Don't you go through that door.

Would anyone else liked to be excused?

- [All] Yeah.

- Wait a minute.

- I have a question about the sub-text

of sexuality in "Madam Bovery."

- Go away, Martin.

(all laughing)

(ominous music)

- Now.

Now remember, when he asks us what we're doing here,

Phoebe goes in her act and the two of us act available.

(doorbell ringing)

Oh, well.

(doorbell ringing)

- Uh, that's great. - Let's go.

(eerie music)

- Anybody home? - Shh, shh, shh.

- What? Do you have any better ideas?

- Couldn't we just make our own shirts?

I guess not.

- Look, Phoebe and I are gonna go check upstairs.

- Okay, right. Wait, we are?

- I think that I'm just gonna stay here and be embarrassed.

- Look around a little bit, will ya?

- Where? - Everywhere.

(eerie music continues)

(man yells) (Jennifer gasps)

- [Jennifer] What are you doin' in that mask?

- I'm a sea monster.

- Really?

- For Halloween.

- Oh.

- I'm Blake. Billions and Trillions.

Who're you?

- Jennifer. Sigma Alpha Pi.

- So, what are you doing here, Jennifer?

- Oh, we have a message from Veronica, our Pledge Mistress.

We're supposed to leave a kiss.

Oh, which I guess was really meant

for what's his name, you know, Harrison.

- I'll take it.

- Oh.

Okay.

Good, that's a big load off my mind

'cause you just don't know how strict Veronica can be.

- Uh, we'll wait outside, okay? (giggles)

(both laughing)

- Hi.

- Oh, here she comes. Here she comes.

I just don't believe it.

- Well, you better believe it, girls, 'cause here they are.

Large, extra large, and macho man.

(girls squealing)

- Blake is gorgeous. - He's okay.

- What are you talking about? (eerie music)

(door rattles)

- Who's there?

(eerie music continues)

(gasps) Ah!

- Hi, Jennifer. How you doin' there?

- Who are you?

- Martin.

From freshmen comp.

I sit behind you.

- Oh, sorry.

I guess I didn't notice.

- I know.

- What are you doing by my door?

- Nothin'.

I wanted to talk to you alone

and, well, you're always with someone.

So. - I'm pledging a sorority.

- Oh, yeah, I know.

Here, you dropped it.

- Oh, is this how you found me?

- Well, I thought you'd want it back.

- Thank you.

- Can I come in?

- Well, no. See, I have to go.

Well, okay.

But just for a little while, okay?

- Sure.

How about that "Madam Bovery," huh?

What a nut.

You know, it's nice talking to you like this.

Well, I mean, I knew it's gonna be nice.

Gee whiz, that's why we're here, right?

Sittin' on the bed.

Nice bed.

- Martin, you're the only one sitting on the bed.

- Oh, yeah.

You free for a movie tonight?

- Martin, tonight is goat night.

- Oh, that's right. What about tomorrow night?

- Why does this have to be so complicated?

Martin, you know, in the name of civility

we always hide the deadly truth

and slowly torture each other to death.

Instead of just, you know, doing a clean swish.

Do you know what I'm sayin'?

- I think that's pretty deep.

Okay.

Fuck it.

I'm gonna go.

- Oh, Martin, please. Don't be mad.

- I don't think you should go tonight.

You know there's a tombstone in the backyard of that place?

You know that guy was a pledge?

You can get in big trouble, you know?

Well, all right.

Forget it.

Do you have Vivia's room number?

- Maybe you should just speak to her in class.

- Okay. Listen, I still don't think-

- Martin, look.

I'm rushing. You have to go.

Oh god. Please see me through this night.

(insects chittering)

- Tonight, Jennifer, Phoebe, and Vivia

are slime-buckets.

Tomorrow, they will be goats.

(all bleating)

A box will be passed among you.

In it are three goats eyes.

Place one in your mouth and swallow it

without chewing.

(eerie music)

(all bleating)

(all bleating)

(all bleating)

Remove your blindfolds, goats.

A long, dark night beckons the goats.

Sister Melanie.

Sister Sandy.

Tell the new goats I'd like some eggs.

(candle exploding) (all screaming)

(women chattering)

- Are you okay?

- Yeah.

- An omen, I suspect.

Move it, goats. I want my eggs.

Woe unto the goat who brings the fewest eggs.

Woe unto you.

(shells cracking)

(girl snickering)

Okay, goats, let's see 'em.

- Baa.

- Baa.

- Jennifer Beatty.

Assume your position.

(paddle smacking) (girls chuckling)

(distant banging) (girls screaming)

- That came from downstairs.

- Someone's here.

Someone's in the basement.

- The campus cops.

(glass shattering) (girls screaming)

(table rattling) (girls screaming)

- Everybody, it's all right. (electricity sizzling)

Everybody, come near me.

Anyone there?

(wind roaring) (girls screaming)

- The front door is locked from the outside.

I can't open it.

(door rattling) (girls screaming)

- Settle down.

Wait a minute! Just wait a minute.

Let's just figure out what we've got going on here.

Now, if there was a burglar, he's gone.

But if it was the Beta Taus...

Well, I wanna see their faces. Don't you?

- No! - You kidding!

- And what if it really is haunted?

- Then we'll write a paper.

I'm going down.

(women yelling) - No! Vivia!

(door slams) (lock clicks)

(women screaming)

- [Vivia] Jennifer?

Jennifer, help me out.

Oh my god! It's got me!

Jennifer, help me out! - Vivia!

- Jennifer what are you doing? - We've got to help her.

- Okay, but we all will. We all will.

(door creaking) - Watch it.

- Vivia. - Easy now.

- Vivia, where are you? - Vivia?

- Vivia. - I think there's a light

somewhere up there on the left.

- Vivia. - I got it.

- Vivia!

- Don't move, please.

He's got me all rigged up.

(ax whooshing)

(all screaming) (head thudding)

- Did I scare anybody?

- [Veronica] You're in trouble, goat.

(knife thud) (women chattering)

_

- It's great.

- [Mrs. G] I still don't understand

how you made the table shake.

- Little matters. - From a science project.

- See, I cannibalized the whole robot.

- And the guillotine?

- Yeah, where'd you get a guillotine?

- Box tops. (girl giggling)

(horn honking) Oh, that will be Martin.

- Guy sure works fast. - Room to room.

- Listen, he's got my stuff from last night.

- Let's go. Thanks, Mrs. G. - See you, Mrs. G.

(uptempo music)

- What you got in the box?

Somethin' for me?

What the hell is that?

(tires screeching)

(group screaming) - Asshole!

- Be careful! - Moron!

- What is that? - Oh, it's me.

- I know that.

I like your face a lot. But not in a box.

- Idiot. - Real mature.

- (laughs) Don't you just love him?

- Yeah. - We think he's so cute.

- Yeah, we do. (group laughing)

- Come on, give us a kiss. Come on, Martin.

(girls laughing)

- Oh, you guys are a riot. You're a real riot.

Thanks. (women laughing)

J' These are the best times of our lives I

J' These are the best times J'

J' These are the best times of our lives I

J' These are the best times J'

J' These are the best times of our lives I

J' These are the best times J'

J' These are the best times of our lives I

J' These are the best times N'

- Your boxes are on the mantle.

If you get a goat's eye, come on back and join us.

If you get a black ball, get lost.

Good luck.

- Thanks.

They wouldn't go through all the trouble

to package a black ball this nicely, would they?

- These are all goat's eyes.

There are no black balls here.

Oh, please, God. I'll be good forever.

(women squealing) (women laughing)

- You next, Jenny.

- Yeah. (women squealing)

- Okay, Viv, fingers and toes.

Oh, please.

Oh, please. Oh, please.

- Stop, Phoebe. Come on, Vivia, open it up.

- I don't know.

I don't think there's a disgusting

little goat's eye in here for me.

- Oh, will you hurry?

I'm getting a Charlie horse in my pinkies.

- Baa. (women squealing)

Oh, come on now, let's go. Let's go.

- Vivia!

You two go on.

- [Phoebe] Catch you later, Viv.

- Yeah, okay.

- Congratulations, goat. - Oh, thanks.

- I've decided to hold next spring's April Fools party

in the old frat house.

- Mm-hm. - We're hosting for Beta Tau.

It'll be a masquerade.

I can't think of a better place

for you to set up your prank.

Can you?

- Oh, well, I couldn't possibly.

- (chuckles) it's the only reason you're here, sweetie.

(instrumental music)

- [Albert] Veronica.

- Thank you, Albert.

Is there a tack on it?

- You wound me. - Do I?

- Shall we get this committee meeting going?

Now, is there any new business?

Any old business?

No? Good.

Well, we'll dispense with the minutes

and get to the point.

I'll be stepping down

as the Greek Letter Faculty Advisor this term.

' [AH] Aww.

- Thank you, I know you will all continue to flower

under your new advisor, Professor Archibald Zito.

Doctor Z.

(light booing) (group lightly applauding)

- Thank you.

Thank you. (clears throat)

No one is more delighted than I

at the great rebirth of the Greek Letter Society.

I was there the night the fraternity brother died.

It was at one of our April Fool parties

that we had that unfortunate accident with the guillotine.

- Missing.

That guillotine is still missing from the warehouse.

- Really? - Make a note.

- (clears throat) Now the fact is-

- Make a note!

- No gesture, no memorial of any kind

can bring that brother back to us.

We must forge ahead.

Only that can keep his memory alive.

And now, your yearly film on the dangers of hazing.

(reel whirring)

(jaunty classical music)

- Really? - Make a note.

Wait a minute.

What film is this?

- On!

- [Man] I'll take the shy one in the green towel.

(girls screaming) (group laughing)

- Stop it! Stop it!

Turn off this film.

Stop that projector.

(everyone applauding) (group laughing)

Shut up, you old wind bag!

(eerie music)

- All clear. Come on, let's go.

- Come on.

(door creaking)

- I hate this house.

You know, for years after that pledge died

there were reports of all sorts of strange phenomena.

He was under the occult.

The evil side.

There was even testimony at the inquiry

that he stirred something up in this house.

- Things that go bump in the night?

Come on, Jennifer.

Don't you think you're getting

a little carried away with this?

It was my haunting, remember?

Bo ka bo ka bo.

- Hey, come on, you guys. Lighten up.

This place can be rather freaky.

- Look, there have been some people who have come

into this house and never been seen again.

- That is a camp story- - No, it's not. It's true.

I read it in the school newspaper.

I looked it up in the microfilms.

There have been disappearances.

- Hey, you 9UY5-

Has anyone seen a postcard from Mrs. Henshaw lately?

(Vivia chuckles)

Phoebe, I don't think that's funny.

(glass shattering)

- Oh god! - The kitchen.

- If this place has rats.

(distant thumping)

- Guys, that's not a rat. - Vivia!

- It's not me, either. Come on.

(eerie music continues)

(door creaking)

(man yelling) (Vivia screaming)

- Hi, Blake.

My god. - Oh God, I hate Beta Taus.

I hate 'em, I hate 'em, I hate 'em.

(Blake chuckles)

- Here, let me get that.

So what do you think of my costume?

They said a beach or a spring motif.

I figured I'd be a little different.

I thought you liked masks.

- I hate them.

- Me, tOO.

Here, let me get that.

Harrison asked me to come up here

and see if I can get these lights working.

I'm in the middle of the fuse box downstairs.

So, you need any help, you give me a yell.

_

(Blake clucking) Just kidding.

- Jennifer, I think the creature likes you.

- I think he likes to scare me.

- Aww.

- [Blake] Jennifer, I left my flashlight upstairs.

Will you bring it down for me, please?

- Ahem, I told you.

- What say we come back in an hour?

- Ciao!

- You guys don't set one foot outside this house.

I've got one, Blake.

(girls laughing)

- Well, well, well.

(eerie music)

- [Man] Jennifer.

- Okay, I'm coming. I'm coming.

- [Man] Jennifer.

- Blake?

(Jennifer gasping)

Was that you? - Was what me?

- What did you say? - I said bring my flashlight.

- Blake, what...

Never mind.

Where's the fuse box? - Over this way.

- God, look at this place.

It's worse in the light.

- So, what are you doing later?

- Nothing really.

- You wanna do it with me?

- Sure.

- Great.

(eerie music)

- [Pam] Bye, Mrs. Henshaw.

We're gonna miss you. - Oh, goodbye, Pam.

Goodbye, girls.

I'll miss you, too.

(Martin moaning)

- Mmm, Vivia. - Martin.

- Vivia. Mmm. - Martin.

- You taste so sensuous. - I gargle with musk.

- What are you doing? - What do you want?

- I don't know. I didn't know I get a choice.

Let me think.

- Oh, Martin, you're so sexy.

- I know.

- Oh, Martin, Martin, touch me, touch me.

Touch me, touch me here.

- Where? - Here.

- There? - Yes.

- Now? - Now, now.

(disco music)

Martin.

What are you doing?

Jennifer must be studying.

- That her room?

- Martin.

Do you know what the largest room in the world is?

- No. What?

- The room for improvement.

(eerie music)

(door creaking)

(door slams)

(steps creaking)

(eerie music continues)

(ax thudding)

(heavy breathing)

- What are you doing?

(electricity crackling)

(uptempo disco music)

(group chattering)

J' Electricity is in the air J'

J' And everywhere us lovers J'

J' My emotions waken from their sleep J'

J' I can't keep them undercover J'

J' Tonight you got the power to love me, baby J'

J' Tonight my heart says yes but my mind says maybe J'

J' I lose control J'

- Ta-da-da-tan. - Oh, that's great.

Jennfien

- Who are you? - Madam Bovery.

- I'm sneaking him in.

- Vivia! - Come on, in, in, in.

- Vivia? - Yes.

- You should be in the basement.

- Right, right, yeah.

- Phoebe? - Hi.

- Kitchen. - Bye.

- Hey, Martin.

- Well, hello.

- You work here?

- Until something better comes along.

- [Martin] That would be a good story.

- Ta-da! - Phoebe!

Oh, thank goodness for goats.

Listen, do me a big favor.

Take care of this mess, will you? Thanks.

- Sure. Don't mention it.

I had... Ugh.

I had nothing better to do anyway.

It's okay.

- [Man] Veronica, where do you want this stuff?

Oh, here.

Come here.

Come on. - Been carrying them forever.

- Sorry. Here.

- Hello.

- Oh, hello.

- The nutcracker? - (laughs) The grocery man?

- You want some help?

- Yeah, sure. You need help.

- Nice.

- Hi. - Hi, Martin.

- You wanna dance?

- Sure. - (chuckles) Great.

' May I?

_ Big man!

(scoffs) Big man.

- Take a cold shower, Martin, will you?

- Say, you're getting a lot of mileage

out of that delivery offer, aren't you?

- I'll take it as far as it'll get me.

(both laughing)

(hand slapping)

- Now, how come you're not wearing a costume?

- Well, I had so much to do with the food and the drink

and I got held up at the market, so...

What the hell? I came dressed up as a fraternity boy.

How do you like it?

Actually, masquerade parties make me

a little self-conscious.

- Oh, well, they shouldn't.

I mean, they used to make me self-conscious, too, but-

- Do you wanna dance?

(soft music)

J' You can break away J'

J' Or you can stay J'

J' You choose your life J'

J' You're free to fly J'

(ax creaking)

(ax thudding)

J' Go on and fly J'

J' Go on and fly J'

J' She had it in her all the time J'

J' To get away and try to find J'

J' Somewhere to go J'

ITo run J'

J' She saw the world through open eyes J'

J' And never let a soul inside J'

J' Don't come too close J'

J' So close J'

J' Baby thinks she's smart J'

J' But what about her heart J'

J' Like a wild bird of prey J'

J' Like a thief in the night J'

- If I do, will you love me forever?

- I'll love you as long as I can.

J' And you won't change a thing J'

J' You're the lucky one J'

J' Oh, the lucky one J'

(knocking on door)

- [Woman] Anybody up here? Get downstairs.

Veronica's making a presentation.

- Let's go.

- Let's not.

- If we don't, we're gonna miss the highlight of the party.

- (sighs) I thought I was the highlight of the party.

- (laughs) Well, so far.

- Okay, but I'm gonna get you sooner or later.

(all applauding)

- And now following tradition and this,

our 25th annual Sigma Alpha Pi-Beta Tau

April Fools' party.

A triumphal return to this house in 20 years

of wilderness in this university.

(group chattering)

Cards will be passed among you to vote for King and Queen.

Thank you. April fool.

But now, Harrison.

(all applauding) (all cheering)

- First, a toast to the old Delta Sigma House.

Wherever the hell that is.

- And to all the men of the Trident.

Living and dead. - Whoever the hell they are.

(all laughing)

- [All] Beta Tau!

(all cheering)

(glass shattering) (women screaming)

(shield creaking)

(women screaming)

(all screaming)

- [Harrison] Let's get out of here. Come on.

(women screaming)

- Look, look, don't panic.

Let's go out this way. Come on, come on, come on.

(all screaming) - What's going on?

(door thudding) - Oh, God, we're locked in.

The door's locked.

- [Man] Jennifer Beatty.

- Oh, no, not me.

- Who is it?

Who's down there?

- Who's there? What do you want?

- Blake, what's happening? - Jen, shh.

- Well, if we can't get out, then we're coming down.

- [Man] Jennifer Beatty.

(body thuds) (women screaming)

- Somebody help me.

(ominous music)

- Blake, give me a hand. - Are you crazy?

Let's get the hell out of here.

- (laughing) We did it.

- Oh, Vivi, I could've used pads.

- Would you go to the fuse box?

- Okay, I'm ready. - No! Not until I tell you.

- I know that.

How did you do that voice?

- I didn't do any voice. (eerie music)

(Jennifer gasping)

(hammer thudding) - Hold it.

Now, there's a girl down there who needs our help.

- If you wanna be a hero, go ahead and be one.

We're not even supposed to be here.

- Leave him. Stop. - Phoebe!

- Stop! Stop! - Phoebe.

- Not until we get the girl.

(all clamoring)

(women screaming)

- Somebody call the police. - Call the police.

(woman crying)

- What is going on up here?

- April fool. (laughs)

- All right. - Bastard.

(all cheering) (all applauding)

- Where were you? You missed it.

We were great.

You should have been there.

- Nice party. Who's the entertainment director?

(Vivia laughs)

Wanna cop a feel? - Oh, yeah.

- Veronica's staying. Melanie's staying.

Your friend, Phoebe's staying.

- I'm not.

- Give me one good reason.

- Blake, this whole thing was so stupid.

- I'm sorry. I guess we just got carried away.

- It's not just that. - Well, then, what is it?

- I don't know, it's like...

We stirred something up in this house.

Something we shouldn't have.

- What something? - I don't know, Blake.

I have to go.

- Do you want to die?

You see where Jennifer just went?

- No.

- Pam, have you seen Jennifer? - No, I haven't.

(ominous music)

(eerie music)

(heavy breathing)

Please, no more jokes.

(Pam gasps) (Pam screams)

- Bye. - See you guys later.

- See ya, Blake! - Have you seen Jennifer?

- No, but I just heard somebody downstairs.

(water flushing)

- [Jennifer] Blake.

- Jen? - Come on in, will you?

I decided to stay.

- In the bathroom? - Come on, will you?

- Really? Yeah.

- See, Vivia had the blade hooked up

to the fuse box over there.

- So that when she threw the switch...

- ZaP-

Except you guys have to be quicker.

And harder.

- Phoebe, could I see you for a minute?

Alone, please?

I'm gonna make this short and sweet.

- What? I can take it.

- Stay away from Albert Harrison.

- Is that all, huh?

- No, that's not all.

I found this in the kitchen.

Now, throw it out somewhere

before one of these drunks hurts himself.

(Phoebe bleating)

And stay away from Albert Harrison

before you hurt yourself.

You goat.

- Ouch! Shit.

Oh, my God!

(floorboards creaking)

(heavy breathing)

You wouldn't have a hammer in that pouch, would you?

(heavy breathing)

(ominous music)

(hammer thuds)

(heavy breathing)

- Is that you inside there, Blake?

Okay, tough gLIY-

All right, all right, I give up. End the joke.

Blake, get me the hell out of here, you're gonna get it.

Blake!

(ax whooshing) (ax thudding)

(eerie music)

(knocking on door)

- Melanie? Come on, I heard you.

(door creaking)

- Hi, Sandy. - Hi, Melanie.

- Have you seen Virgil? - No. Why?

- He promised me he'd be here ages ago.

I can't find him anywhere.

Some delivery boy!

What a party! - Yeah. Look.

They broke the tombstone.

- (sighs) Bum me out, but that did it. I'm leaving.

- I'm leaving soon, too.

Everybody's drunk. - See you later.

- Bye. (door creaking)

- Hi.

- Martin, you scared the shit out of me.

- Oh, I'm sorry.

I can't find Vivia.

I can't find Jennifer.

All my pretty girls.

All left me. - Well, you want a lift?

- I want you! (laughs)

Play coy, eh?

- [Sandy] (screaming) Martin, no!

Martin!

" Ahl (both ' laughing)

- I got drunk.

Three 9's.

(electronic zapping)

- You look like you're gonna barf.

- Martin?

(eerie music)

(food crunching)

(intense music)

- (gasps) Ah!

Phoebe!

Veronica, where are Phoebe and Jennifer?

(Qasps)

Phoebe.

- Phoebe. - Wait, wait, wait.

- We've gotta get out here. - Wait, wait.

- Phoebe!

There is someone in the house and he's killing everybody!

- Vivia, that isn't very funny.

- Would you please come with me? Come on.

- Vivia, if this is an April fool joke.

- Come on. - Oh, April.

(Phoebe screams) - Come on.

We have to hurry. Come on.

- Wait, what am I doing? - What's going on?

- Bathroom. We'll use the bathroom window.

- What? - Move it.

Oh, my God. (intense music)

(both screaming)

Phoebe, listen, listen to me.

There are a lot of people that are dead. Maybe everybody.

- Wait, where's Jennifer? - I don't know.

- Then you don't know she's dead!

- Phoebe, there is a maniac. He could still be in the house.

- I've gotta find her. - No, no.

If you go out there, you could be next.

Come on. Please.

Listen to me, please.

We've gotta...

Okay, okay, shit.

We'll look for her. Come on.

We'll find her.

Shit!

- Where now?

- You stay down here.

I'm gonna go check upstairs.

- Oh, God, don't leave me. - Okay. All right, I won't.

I like that better anyway.

- Oh. (crying)

- Oh, God, what's that? - What?

What can you see?

- Oh, God, the flashlight. Shit.

(ominous music)

Oh, shit.

The flashlight. Fuck!

- Everybody's dead.

- Jennifer, are you all right?

- He killed everybody. - Are you okay?

- I looked everywhere. I couldn't find you.

- Who killed everybody?

- Come on. We've got to get out of here.

- Wait.

Wait a minute. Wait a minute.

We're gonna walk right out that front door.

- How do you know he's not out there?

- Oh, come on let's get of here.

(Jennifer growling)

- All righty. (growling)

(door slams)

I've been waiting 20 years for this.

April fool, assholes.

(monster growling)

(Jennifer gasping)

(monster growling)

- The stairs.

- My house, bastards!

My house! (grunting)

(Vivia screams)

(air hissing)

(monster growling)

- Vivia, run!

(monster growling)

(Phoebe screaming) (monster growling)

Vivia, look out.

(wind loudly blustering)

(staircase clattering) (monster growling)

Vivia, jump.

(intense music)

Are you okay?

(monster snarling)

(monster growling)

- Vivia, listen to me.

No. He's not in me now. - Who is it?

- You can get out that way. - Which way?

- Come on, you're talking to a freaking lunatic.

Get help!

Okay.

Oh, God.

Oh, shit. Come on, come on.

Oh, shit. Forget it.

(monster snarling)

- Phoebe!

He's not in me now.

Where are you?

- Jennifer, I'm here.

- I can't see you.

- [Phoebe] I'm here.

- Come on.

- [Jennifer] Phoebe. (crying)

Help me, please.

(Jennifer crying)

- Phoebe, no, don't.

That is not Jennifer.

I don't know who it is, but it's not her.

Get one of these.

Come on.

- [Jennifer] Go, Phoebe. Keep going.

He's coming back inside me!

Hurry. Keep going-

(monster snarling)

(monster growling) (women screaming)

(stick thudding)

- Are you okay? Can you stand?

- I don't know.

Oh, Phoebe, don't leave. - I won't.

Shh.

Okay.

(Vivia groaning)

- Okay, come on, come on. - Phoebe, I can't.

- Phoebe. - Jennifer!

- [Jennifer] Get out!

Hurry, Phoebe, get out. Hurry.

(monster laughing)

Get out, get out.

- [Vivia] Phoebe, look there's a window

(board creaking)

Oh, my God, we made it. - Oh, my God.

Oh, my God.

- (groans) Just a second.

(groans)

Ah, wait a minute. Careful.

Aah!

- Whoa! - Shh.

- Okay, okay, okay. - Shh.

- Aah! OkaY-

I think I got it.

Okay.

(Vivia screaming) (monster growling)

(Vivia screaming)

- Vivia!

(monster growling)

(monster snarling)

- No, no, no!

- Vivia!

(monster snarling)

Vivia!

Vivia, help me.

- I can't. My legs.

(monster growling)

(wood thudding)

(Phoebe grunting) - Don't, Phoebe.

No, Phoebe, don't.

It's me, it's Jen.

I'm all right. You drove him out.

He's gone.

It's me.

(monster growling)

- Phoebe, do it.

Do it, Phoeb.

(stake thudding) (Jennifer crying)

- Phoebe?

Phoeb.

- Here, we can- - No. No!

Don't, don't.

Just stay with me, okay?

- Why?

Why Jennifer?

Why?

Why?

Why?

Why? - I don't know.

Maybe (panting) because she was

the only one who didn't wanna be here.

- You shouldn't have done it, Vivia.

You got him mad with all that haunting stuff.

Vivia, he took your best friend.

And he made you pay.

(tense music)

(monster growling)

(Vivia groaning)

- You raised a demon, Vivia.

(monster growling)

(siren blaring)

- Damn, poor kids.

They were told to stay out of this house.

That's it, that's it.

It's all over now.

It's all over.

- Come on now. - No, no, no. No!

No! (cryil19)

- Okay, people, let's move it back.

Come on, back, back, back.

- Take it easy, take it easy.

Where's Phoebe?

No! Please!

Don't put me in the ambulance.

Please don't put me in there with her.

No! Please.

Get me out!

Please! Please!

No!

Please don't.

Get me out of here.

Please get me out.

Please. Please don't leave me with her.

Please. Get me out!

Please don't leave me here.

Get me out!

Please!

Please.

(Vivia screams)

(light disco beat)

J' We've been waiting for this clay to come along J'

J' For so long J'

J' We have finally found a place where we belong J'

J' We can't go wrong J'

J' Now we're on our own J'

J' Letting our feelings show J'

J' This is how you know J'

J' We're finally letting go J'

J' And we know J'

J' These are the best times of our lives I

J' These are the best times J'

J' These are the best times of our lives I

J' These are the best times J'

J' Everyone we meet today is on their way J'

J' They know the score J'

I Up and down the streets smiling faces need to know J'

J' What you're looking for J'

J' Don't ask us why J'

J' But there's something for everyone J'

J' How the time does fly J"

J' When you're having fun J'

J' We've just begun J'

J' 00-00 J'

J' These are the best times of our lives I

J' These are the best times J'

J' These are the best times of our lives I

J' These are the best times J'

J' These are the best times of our lives I

J' These are the best times J'

J' These are the best times of our lives I