All language subtitles for too.much.s01e07.1080p.web.h264-successfulcrab

She was saying some really fucked-up
shit to me while you were sleeping.

Astrid!

She was telling me to get
the fuck out of the house.

"I want to hang with
my mama."

That's really rude. You shouldn't
be saying that to our guest.

What else did you say? Said I was broke.

Said I'm not as cool as I think I am.

She said I had big
waste man energy.

I told you not to say
that. That is so mean.

She's a monster. I'm sorry.

Fuck. I need to go.

-Shit.
-You know, I could come with you.

I mean, the pictures of
the house are so gorgeous.

It's basically the
estate I came here for.

It's basically Princess Diaries.

Yeah, I feel like
going to parents'

is more of a "be invited" than
"invite yourself" thing, no?

Well, I thought we
were kind of past that.

Look, we've got time.

It's just like, I have
stuff to sort out today.

It's gonna be boring.

I guess I wish I knew what stuff it
was, but I don't want to be pushy.

Then don't be pushy.

See you later.

You're awesome.

Tell your mom I said hi if she
asks who you're fucking during sex.

Ah. I don't know. I mean, it's
not a UTI. I've had those before.

-Okay, yeast infection?
-Nope.

It could be chlamydia.

I don't know. You know...

Okay, honey. I'm actually really busy
on my Land Acknowledgements Committee,

and it's a Zoom meeting.

So I'm gonna just pass
you on to Grandma, okay?

-Finally. Bring it here.
-Finally. Okay.

Hello, honey. Hi.

I hear your poom-poom hurts.

Wow, word really travels fast.

Is it a shallow pain or
very deep on penetration?

No, it's really deep. It's
deep, deep inside of my body.

Okay, back in my time,
we had a name for that.

-Honeymoon cystitis.
-What does that mean?

You've overused the item.

Wow. For only having sex with one
person, you really know a lot.

Yeah, it's funny because
I started our honeymoon a virgin.

The first night,
I was too tight.

Just so nervous.

The whole boat to
Cuba, I couldn't do it.

It was like my noo-noo
was sewed shut.

When we got to Cuba, we met up with
our friends, Nance and Charlie.

Charlie says he wants to
go to this exclusive club.

Moments later, before
we even ordered entrées,

there was this woman on stage,

shooting golf balls
right out her puss.

A tiny man was catching
'em in his mouth!

Oh my God.
Did you, like, freak?

No, I didn't freak.

I thought, well, if she
could shoot golf balls,

I could handle one
midsized schlong.

And you know what?

After that, we had an amazingly
adventurous sexual life.

And I got to know that woman,
and I became her understudy.

Okay, that's an amazing story. It's
hilarious in all the right places.

I just... I don't know what to do
about my sore insides right now.

Oh, well, you... you
just tell your guy,

"I adore you. You
drive me wild."

"But we're overusing the
hardware."

Look at these other cars.

-Well, that looks like shit. Yeah.
-Look at the gray one.

No, look at the
gray one properly.

That looks like it's worth
less than this car to me.

I'm doing you a favor
because I like your shoes.

-Okay, fine. Yeah. Grand. Yeah.
-Yeah? Yeah.

♪ He's got long skinny legs ♪

♪ And holes in his pants ♪

♪ I love the way he sings ♪

♪ I've never really
seen him dance ♪

♪ 'Cause it's me ♪

♪ I leave you with my image ♪

♪ And if I ask you
to understand ♪

♪ They see what I see ♪

♪ And I see what I get ♪

♪ Oh, oh, oh, oh! ♪

Hi.

You look so sour.

Like you have a big chip
over your shoulders.

I've been waiting
for 40 minutes.

I had to watch a bunch of school
children dance into their parents' arms.

It was like 1997 all over again.

So, dance into mine.

Come on. Feefee.

Ah, dance, my little one.

-Hi, hi, hi. Hello.
-Oh, Feefee.

-How are you?
-I'm all right. Yeah, hi.

Oh my.

My little one.

Okay.

-The dog.
-Yeah, right?

-Mm.
-Crazy.

Yeah. Uh-huh.

She looks sick.
Is she to die soon?

No, she's not dying.
That's just what she looks like.

She's expressing so
much with her eyes.

She's, uh, saying,
"Love... Love me well."

"I have to go from
here," or something.

-Who, the dog?
-Yeah.

Mama, I'm showing you the
picture because of the girl.

What? Uh, this... this girl?

-This girl, yeah.
-Ah.

Uh, she feels solid.

She won't blow away.

Yeah, okay.

But, uh... I like
Jacqueline's eyes.

Jessica. Do you mean Jessica?

I call her what
makes sense to me.

Okay. All right.

How is, uh... How's Pa doin'?

Uh, you know, he's focused.

And he's going to
get us out of this.

I feel like it's a
bit late for that.

Kind of running out of
luck, don't you think?

I actually feel like if
he just accepted that,

then, like, you two could get on
and enjoy your lives for once.

No, no, no, no. No, Feefee.

He's my... my knight
in shining armor.

I chose him, so what choice
do I have now but to believe?

No, not to believe. To know.

-You want to stop by the old house?
-No, thanks.

Maybe
we buy it back.

Mm.

Maybe you come
live there with...

Jameseta?

-Jessica. Yeah.
-Ah! Jessica, maybe.

Your baby sleep in
your old bed.

You never know.

Mm-hmm.

There it is.

Well... look at her.

I mean, it's not our house.

We haven't lived there
for, what? Like...

-Fourteen years.
-Okay.

Shall we go?

-Go in. Nobody home. They...
-What the fuck?

They leave the door unlocked.

I check every day.

Are you trying to get me
arrested for trespassing?

You can't be arrested
in your own home.

-Once your home, always your home.
-That is not how it works.

That's not the law.

Hmm.

-Okay, fuck it. You coming?
-Mm.

Mm, I stay here. Smoke a joint.

Cool. We can both get
arrested on separate charges.

-Not terribly bad, eh?
-It's amazing.

I wrote that
in only ten minutes,

after Ma ran away for the
weekend with Leland Fellows.

I love it.

What are you thinking?

Huh, Feefee?

-Well, I suppose...
-No! Don't talk!

Don't! Don't tell me,
darling. Please.

Don't hang up.
Please, Baron! Please.

I love you so much!

I can't promise I won't
do something awful.

You don't need
anybody who makes you sad.

How
did you get so wise?

My wise little boy.

You know why you're
here, don't you, Felix?

I... I think so.

I work hard for this life

and to pay for you to
attend a very fine school.

And the deal is, you must at
least try not to let yourself down

and let me down in the process.

And... this.

This just shows you aren't even trying.

It's okay.

You come in.

Are... you all right, Mama?

Your father, he
lives in his own world, so...

Here I am, in my own world.

Hmm?

Mama?

Pa?

-When do they come back?
-When will who come back?

Pa and Mama. They've
been gone for so long.

I don't feel so
well. I have a fever.

Who's looking after you?

Who cooks for you? Who cleans for
you? Who makes you your dinner?

You do.

And who's here when you
wake up and when you go to sleep?

You are.

When will you
get it through your head?

They aren't here.

Now, tell me you love me.

I love you.

Say
it again, louder.

I love you.

-Hey.
-Hey, my boy.

Well, I hope you are
nice and hungry, Felix,

because this is
quite a hearty roast.

You know we're not hired help,
Ma. Do you want to lend us a hand?

-She doesn't have to.
-Yeah.

-Thank you, baby. You are so kind.
-Can someone spot me here?

-As, you know, I got the...
-Aha!

The tachycardia I'm suffering
from makes me dizzy sometimes.

Self-diagnosed.
Self-diagnosed tachycardia.

The NHS has one-year
waiting lists, Felix.

Broken fucking country.

And frankly, yes, I'm
gonna use the Internet.

And my best-preserved organ.

The pancreas.

I... I'd rather be
dead than live here.

Your Japanese is weird.

Cool chat.

Can I just ask, Ma, is
that like an empty threat,

or are you telling us
what you're gonna do?

-Like, just letting us know?
-I... I... I never sleep. It's torture.

The sound of the light bulbs.

-It'll soon be all right.
-Whatever!

Look, I'm in talks
with Jack DeBove, okay?

And, uh, I'm thinking of
investing in a small enterprise

that offers car insurance to
people with heavy police records.

-Oh, nice.
-Yeah.

Glad you're finding a way to make
the world a better place, as per.

-Yes.
-He's a narcissist, you know.

-Really?
-Yeah.

That had never crossed my mind.

-Oh! And it's so lonely now with you gone.
-Mum, is that enough?

My only playmate. You know that?

Have you thought about, like, do
you know what a friend is, Ma?

-Maybe think about getting friends.
-Friend?

Yeah, I recommend it.

She's entirely
devoid of friends.

I'm moving out, you know?
The moment I find a job.

My friend Justine has
a massive boiler room.

What? Did you say boiler room?

-Is that a euphemism?
-Is that even safe?

Please don't tell
me off about this.

I'm exhausted.

-My mind feels crispy.
-Like, that's resourceful.

I was gonna say, that's,
like, resourceful.

Like, good for you. Boiler
room, yeah. Sounds cozy.

Oh, that's nice. I thought
that you were teasing me.

You've always teased me,
though I'm ten years older.

-And it's meant to be reversed.
-Aiko, potatoes and Yorkshires, please.

I could say that you're a cocaine
shovel with holes in all your socks.

I'm genuinely not teasing you.

I genuinely think that is a
resourceful choice to make,

and you're always making resourceful
decisions, and I respect you.

Also, in your own fucked-up way,
you're kind of a brave person.

Right, guys?

Also, in terms of cocaine, I don't
know if this has penetrated for anyone,

but I've been clean for
nearly three years...

-Felix.
-Uh, yeah, cool. No one cares.

Do you have space for the
piano where you're living now?

Why? Are you getting rid of it,
finally? You ask me this every year.

-Swedish death, they call it.
-"No" is the answer.

It... It's the act of releasing
all your worldly goods

before you've left the planet.

It means your descendants
don't have to squabble

and, you know, sort
through your detritus.

So your children can mourn your passing
without haggling with an auction house

or... hunting
for... for storage.

Family, could we please
talk a bit about Daryl?

I really like him.

I may even L-O-V-E him.

His eyes, they are the
strangest shade of red.

-Oh, cool. Like a vampire?
-No, more like a bunny.

And, you know, he's a party clown, which
means he's wonderful with children.

-Heard of John Wayne Gacy?
-Yeah. That's what that normally means.

He found a bunch of baby
squirrels on Long Mynd,

and he just fed
them various milks.

"Various milks"?

Cool, so, like, bunny
dad, squirrel babies?

Don't make fun.

He could be my husband.
Your brother-in-law.

You love to love, Alaia. Huh?

For that, we love you.

Just love someone who never
moves you to a bungalow.

-Whoa. It's a burn. Ouch.
-What?

Do you know, a single rabbit
can have 1,000 babies in her lifetime?

And if it's a male one,
tens of thousands more.

That's why the phrase, "fuck like
bunnies" has entered the lexicon.

It's interesting, learning the
origins of our words and phrases.

Thanks, Pa.

-Yeah. Thanks, Pa.
-Mm.

I feel like if she did kill herself,
you'd be quoting facts over her grave.

Yeah, I need that
gravy sauce. I need it.

-Thank you.
-It's weird to hear you say "fuck."

So, uh, you have it?

Yeah. I don't understand why
we have to do it out here,

like some kind of drug deal.

I don't want to... I don't
want to trouble your mother.

She's been through a lot, and
worry doesn't agree with her.

Her head's been aching.

What are you even going
to do with 1,000 quid?

Uh, well, half is for bills.

The other half is to start a payment plan
with Jean-Philippe to buy back the house.

With 500 quid?

Well, it'll show him I'm
good for it, you know.

But you're
not good for it.

Fine, look. It's not my business.
Do with it what you want.

Thank you.

It's just temporary, you know. It's, um...
I'll soon get out of this little hole.

We'll get the house back.

You know me, Felix. I've
always been a bit of a chancer.

I've had plenty of
success in my life.

I... I've paid for my parents to
live through their golden years,

put you lot through school.

Not quite, in my case.

But, uh, I... I admit,

I sometimes fly a little close to
the sun, but I land on my feet.

It's funny, 'cause you always got so
angry with me when I took chances.

Like, when I moved to London, quit
school, tried to be a musician.

You were livid.

Yeah, well, here's the
thing about chances.

Um, they've got to come off.

Okay.

How's this one going for
you? Do you know what, Pa?

I sort of feel like we need
to get a bit real about this.

It's not like you were born with
a silver spoon in your mouth.

Wasn't your dad some Hungarian
immigrant who delivered milk in Croydon?

Who told you you were supposed
to become some fucking lord?

I had a dream about
my father last week.

It was the strangest thing.

And I looked at him,
and I said, "Henry."

"What are you doing here?"

And he stared
straight back at me.

And he said, "Simon, don't
be a servant to fortune."

'Kay. What the fuck
does that mean?

Don't live your life
in search of luck.

Because maybe we each get
so much luck in our life,

and we must be grateful
for the luck we have

and stop hunting for more.

Look, thank you for this. Thank
you for the walking-around money.

I suppose there comes a time when every
child takes over from their parent.

We spent what we had on you.

Now it's your turn.

You're not going to ask
where I got it from?

Well, I assume you
didn't steal it.

Nice walk for my men?

-Glorious.
-Oh. Hello.

Hi.

Okay, I'm off.

-Bye. Bye, sis.
-Bye.

-Mm!
-See ya. Bye, Ma.

Love you. Love you, Feefee.

Okay, yeah. Okay.

Mm!

We all have pain. Hmm?

We aren't made perfect. Hmm?

But we have tried.

-Okay. All right.
-Mm.

Thanks, Ma. See you.

Okay.

-See you, Pa.
-Mm.

Hope so.

Naughty.

Someone, throw a
bucket of water over her.

-You did.
-Mm.

When Victoria ascended
the throne in 1837 at just 18,

the possibility of marriage to her
first husband, Prince Albert...

Oh my God, did you know Queen Victoria
is the reason why lesbians are legal?

Other than that, her
life's been a real snooze.

How was your day?

I feel like I'd make a
good royal, actually,

because I just love sitting
on tuffets and stuff.

-Are you all right?
-Yeah.

No, something's
wrong. What's wrong?

No, I'm literally just arriving.

Why are you staring at me
like that? Fuckin' hell.

What happened?

Something happened. I want to know. I
don't want to be an emotional detective.

Literally, nothing's happened. I'm
just, like, making a cup of tea.

Okay.

What the fuck are
you doing?

I did that 'cause I
know it's all plastic,

and I'm trying to shock you.

So tell me what's going on.

I mean, I can tell you, but, like,
if I do, there's no unsaying it.

We can't go back to a time
when I haven't said it to you.

And maybe you
don't want to know.

I always wanna know.

Well,

my parents don't live in
that fancy house anymore.

They live in, like, a weird
bungalow by the airport.

And...

I sold my car this morning.

'Cause my dad has, like, 70
pounds in his bank account,

and then I got so, like, angry
with his whole way of being that

I stole it back.

My sister's in her forties. She
still plays with cuddly toys.

My mum's, like, constantly
threatening to kill herself.

-Hmm. They sound fun.
-Yep. They're fun.

Oh, fuck's sake.

I'm trying to fucking tell you
something. You keep crowding me out.

I'm just trying to be nice!

I... I'm just gonna stay here,

but I want you to know that there's
a shaking woman in the kitchen.

'Cause I wanna help.

But I'm not... Um, I will give you space,
and I'll just be here in the kitchen.

Honey! What's wrong?

I was brought up by... a nanny.

'Cause my parents were always

fucking doing something. And...

She wasn't a very
nice person, I guess.

And, like...

Mum and Dad were always, like...

too wrapped up in their own shit to
notice that there was, like, a...

you know, like, a kiddy fiddler living
in the house with their children.

Oh my God.

Like, she molested you?

Yeah, that's what
kiddy fiddler means.

You know, I... I think a babysitter
did something to me once.

I don't know for sure,

but... I always feel weird when
I see this certain color of tile.

What is this, like
a molest-off now?

My God, no, I'm sorry.

I'm sorry. I... I was just...

I was saying that
because I... I'm here,

and I'm not scared because I'm here,
and I'm not scared, and I see you.

I'm just trying to make you feel
better 'cause I'm sorry that happened.

I'm sorry
that that happened.

I have a very chaotic mind, and
you're gonna start to notice.

And, like, I was never
really tucked in as a kid.

So, like, whenever it gets dark,
I always get this weird feeling

that, like, everyone's
going to a party without me.

I don't know, maybe that's

why I'm always trying to
find a party or something.

You were
never tucked in?

-Huh?
-You were never tucked in?

Okay, so, in a traditional
tuck-in at my house,

first, I have to make
you kind of a burrito.

-Okay.
-Okay?

Do you feel good? Want your arms
out? Do you want your arms out or in?

Yeah, sure.

Okay. And then I would

do waterfalls like that.

What are you...

Does that feel nice? You
have to take it seriously.

Okay, yeah, sorry. Yeah.

-Mm. Nice and relaxing.
-Yeah, that is kinda nice.

That is kinda nice.

-No. No.
-What?

I adore you. You drive me wild, but,
honey, we're overusing the hardware.

-It's not about that. Not tonight, okay?
-Understood.

And plus it's weird,
'cause I'm tucking you in.

So stay focused.

-Okay.
-Don't make it sexual.

-Yeah.
-Yeah, check out.

Okay, and now I'm
gonna sing to you.

But I'm a little
bit rusty. So I'm nervous.

Um, but this is, like,
my dad's favorite song

that he would always
sing to us, okay?

Okay.

♪ Oh, a song will
lift As the mainsail shifts ♪

♪ And the boat drifts
on To the shoreline ♪

♪ And the sun will respect ♪

♪ Every face on the deck ♪

♪ The hour that
the ship rolls in ♪

♪ And the sand will roll
out A carpet of gold ♪

♪ For your weary toes
to be a-touchin' ♪

♪ And the ship's wise men
Will remind you once again ♪

♪ That the whole wide
world is watchin' ♪

I love you.

♪ I found God ♪

♪ On the corner of
First and Amistad ♪

♪ Where the West ♪

♪ Was all but won ♪

♪ All alone ♪

♪ Smoking his last cigarette ♪

♪ I said, "Where you been?" ♪

♪ He said, "Ask me anything" ♪

♪ Where were you ♪

♪ And all I needed was a call ♪

♪ That never came ♪

♪ To the corner of
First and Amistad ♪

♪ Lost and insecure ♪

♪ You found me, you found me ♪